b ' IV ' k. V . PoFallAR- RPER-oM9perm .JIMES u Vol, G. No A, Lincoln, Nicbhaska, Satukday, January Jl, 1600. PHIOIC FlVIiJ OlSNTS Iv il fli fi R' BYE THE BYE. By n scclal nrrnngoinent with tho publish ers tlio Couiukh H enabled to mnko nn un paralled offer to tlio eoplo of Lincoln, Tno CouuiKit has arranged to offer n copy of tlio complete works of Shnkospcnro as n premium. By taking n lnrgo edition tho CouitlEit Is aljlo to present a copy of Shokespeoro to every now subscriber who pays $2.50, which Include tlio jwiper for onu year nml tho book. This offer also holds good for old subscribers who settlo tip nil arrearages nnd pny &3.M for an other year. Tills Shakcseare Ih published by Brcnnen Bros, ot Chicago, It Includes tho author's oems as well ns hi' plays, Dr. John son's preface, a glossary, nn account of each plny.a memoir of tho author mid illustrations. It constats of 020 lnrgo pages bound In rel cloth mid lettered in gold. And it can bo had iti connection with tho Couuieu for tho trifling sum of 60 cents In addition to tho reg ular subscription prlco. Anyone Interested is invited to call nt tho ofllco and Insect tho book. Several Lincoln people have got it La Grippe. A local physician not long from Kn rope nays It Is Lah Grlpp. Another calls it Lnh Creep, nnd somo lly peoplo with n smat tering knowledge of European pronunciation mnko it Lnh Grip-pa, but It's Just as bnd any way you tnko It. V The now street car lino to tho Christian uni versity has been completed and opened for business, lly nn arrangement with tho down town company a nickel will carry n passen gcr over tho two lines from tho center of tho city to tho university or in tho opposite di rection. 'Whatever clso may bo said against tho street railways, it must bo admitted that they nro liberal in their treatment of tho uni versities nnd tho peoplo who hnvo to travel between them and town. Glvo tho dovll his duo. Tho street car servlco is not a Joy forover, but better days nro coming. J. II. Evans of Council Bluffs has been in town to talk with John Fitzgerald and others about nn electric system, nnd wo aro assured that It is only n question of time. Mr. Evans has ono of tho biggest Angers In the electric road between Omnlin and tho Bluffs, mid is now branching out in other cities. V 'And hero comes tho announcement of n now company to build an electric lino from O street to A nnd thenco to Cushman park. Ac cording to nowspaper report over fifty thous and dollars' worth ot Btock has been sul scribed for. Tho directors nro Messrs. Henry T. Clark, Thomas Ryan, A. M. Gardner, A. M. Trimble, George Downing, A. C. Zlemcr and A. C. Rlcketto. Let tho good work goon. Tho Christmas number of tho Omnlin Erect sior had n number of fine features. Tho first pngo of tho bluo cover was illuminated with nn appropriate engraving designed by W. G. Richardson of tho lice. Although engaged in nowspaper work for n livelihood, Mr. Rich nruson has a keen nrtlstto sonso and In lact can turn his mind and hand to n variety of skilled usos with almost equal facility. Ho makes another contribution to tho Excelsior In tho form of n story sketching nphaso of If fo In California, Then thero aro threo notablo engravings of littlo interest, to straugers but amusing, no doubt, to Omniums. Ono of thorn shows in n fanciful way a group of nine young business men as thoy will look when they grow old. Tlio other two pretend to show several old citizens as thoy looked w hen young. Fred Nyo has n jkhmh entitled "At Her Prayers." Thero Is also n poem by Olios. 8. Elgutter, for n long timo n paragrapher on tho Dee, during which prosaic work liisoetio talent had no occasion to assert itself mid iu scarcely suspected. Sandy G, V. Griswold, also of tho lite, Is represented by n story with tho sceno lnld in Cincinnati. Mr. Griswold is tho Sorting editor of tho Ike, and tho Sun day Dee now has about ns good a iortliig de partment ns any dally in tho country, except ing tho Boston Olobe and the Boston Herald. Mr. Grlswold's stylo of reporting baseball games is unlquo and has attracted widespread attention to his work. When Spauldlng was planning last winter's baseball trip around tho world ho asked Griswold to go along and report tho games, offering to pay hlsexpenses, W. E. Anulii relates his oxperlenco In a btngo coach on tho rond ncrosslwostern Nebraska to the Black Hills. Ho was caught out in a tor riblo blizzard and had a thrilling Christmas Evo. Mr. Annin, now private secretnry to Scnntor Paddock, is also an old Dee. man. Ho is an original thinker, a fluent writer, a ready talker, a clever fellow, a good story-teller and overflows with wit, anecdoto and reminis cence. V The windows in tho Glass House beg par don, the Exposition are said to have cost $7,500. V Tho contest for the now college of tho Sev enth Day Adventlsts is said tobaveuarrowod down to Lincoln and Des Moines. Dos Moines hag plenty of wealth, but is not disposed to loosen its grip unless it can feel suro of get ting back two dollars for ono. With tho lib eral spirit that Lincoln has always shown for Buch institutions sho ought surely to capture the now school. Milwaukee bos a woman who tenches green horns how to play whist, and sho has classes in both that city and Chlcngo. It is said thero nro two other women engaged In that work in this country, ono iu Cincinnati and the other in Boston. This maUcr of "teaching tho nrt of playing whist" is amusing when it tries to go beyond a certain point. Thero aro, of courso, certain principles to be learned, ami it is only a motterof choice whether ono tako Cavendish, Pole, Clay, G. W. P. ns his men tor, or combine somo of tho best features of two or nioro of tlicin. A teacher may explain theso principles nnd Insist on their being ob served. Ho may, to n limited extent, tell his pupils how to draw conclusions from tho fall of the cards; but beyond a point more or less Indefinite nil depends on tho Intelligence nnd training of tho player. Tlio teacher cannot coniol a pupil to bo simple u thing as remoni boring the number of ti uinps out, Thnt and n thousand other things nro matters of IndU vidua! effort. Most people talk of tho "rules" of whist when they menu tho principles. The unscientific player ridicules the idea of play ing whist "by rule Just llko a machine." Ho has heard enthusiasts tell of "making tho canls talk" and ho cannot see the fun of n gamo In which "all four players know what every play means." But Mr. Smart Is too Ig norant to roallzo tho density of his Ignorance. Tho "rules" of whist regulato tho number of players, tho manner of shuflllug, tho order of dealing and similar matters. Rules are fixed ami not very ItexlhK They aro observed by tho bumblo-puppylst ns wollns tho export. Tho "principles" of whist nro not binding on anyone. It is n safo assertion that not ono hand iu a thousand is played that doos not see ono or nioro of tho general principles violated. Millions of combinations can bo made; with llftytwo curdi, ond It probably does not oc-. cur ouco in 10,000 times that there aro two hands played precisely nllko. Tho exjiort is tho man who can quickly study out each now combination from tlio rail of tho cards and adapt his principles nccordlngly. About tho richest calendor received by tho CouuiKit is that or tho Russell & Morgan printing Co. of Cincinnati, tho well known manufacturers of playing canls. Thoy began as Job printers about twenty-two years ago In n siunll way and now employ ft)7 persons. They begun making cards loss than ten years ngo. Tho first pack was finished Juno S3, lhSl, and ns Mr. Morgan handed it to Mr. Russell for inspection ho laughingly said: "There, that tack of canls cost us f.'i3,000." Ho included tho cost of now machinery nnd othoi preparations. Thoy Bttrtod with twen ty operatives and n capacity of 1000 packs n day, Thoy now hnvo fifty presses and n ca pacity of JJO.OOO packs per day or 0,000,000 n year, moro thou tan times ta many ns nro turned out by nineteen factories iu Great Britain. This comimny broko tlio monopoly on cards nnd havo greatly reduced tho prices. V Tho peoplo of Lincoln aro told that Omaha is makitlir dosnerntn pfTnrta In cnntnrn tin. state fair. Why doesn't tho Omaha corres- IHjiiuent oi mo .oitnint ten us just what Is being dono up therol Is thero a conspiracy to scare Lincoln into a bonus? V Rather an odd IUm cront Into tlm Running A'etca tho day after Now Years. It read as ioiiows: "What did you substitute for wino yestor day! was asked ono of the open home recep tion ladies of Lincoln. 'SubstltutoJ Thero is no substitute It was a caso of wino or no wino, for nothing will tako IU place. Wino Is good. I llko it and keep It on my side board, but that is no sign I mean to servo it to young men and mixed companies.' 'What did you do, Mrs. Z., when tho foreigners dropHd down uiwn you!' 'I am not a foreigner.' There aro only throe Mrs. Z.'s in Lincoln who would bo likely to keep open house: Mrs. John Zehrung, Mrs. Honry Zehrung, Mrs. A. C. Kleiner, whllo but ono of them was announced by tlio nowspupers as formally receiving. It Is not likely that either of tho threo ludles mentioned would express such sentiments for publication. Dyo-tho-Byohas tho best of reasons for Mleving thnt neither of them Hindo uny such statement, for lie read almost Identically the somo words several days beforo Now Years. In the Omaha World-Herald of last Sunday is n letter from Washington, D. O., giving tho opinions of prominent ladles on tho custom of Borvlng wino on Now Years day. They were Mrs. President Harrison, Mrs. Vice President Morton, Miss Wlndom, Mrs. Sec retary Noblo, Mrs. Attorney-General Miller, Mm. Secretary Rusk, Mru Chlof Justice Fuller, Mrs. Justice Fields ond tho wives of five congressmen. Tho squib published by the News occurs iu tho intcrviow with Mrs. Noblo. Tho only chango mado was tho In terpolation of tlio lino attributing it ton Lincoln lady and tho substitution of "Mrs. Z." for "Mrs. Noblo." Otherwiso tlio item is identical in both imihts. It occurs In tho News apart from any report of Now Years proceedings. It was picked out of an article filling over two columns. A little odd isn't It? Tho Thief of Time. Visitor (to prisoner) I uotloed the wardwi called you " Procrastination. " Isn't that queer i-nmof Prissier Y'see, sir, I was sent up fur bf tin' i lot of watches, Munsey's Weekly, Desk Iloom nnd Ofllcos. In our now couutlnu room which is carpet ed with Ixxly bruss.s nnd otherwise hand- sonioly furnished, w 1 havo built a neat rail ing, clving room .'ir two offices, or desk room, which wo wu-t rent reasonably to tho right parties. Ou .is kept clean, boated, and use ui leiepuonu en. Appiy m uuii-u. j Wossol Printing Co. "Courier" Bulling, 113S 113J N 8t. Book orders ahead for Buuday livery in order to get a rig at the Palace Stables. WHAT THEY THINK OFalT. Omahn Dec, Among tho inanv attractive holiday numbers which havo reached this olllco nono deserve moro pralw than that of tho Capital City C'oumicii. Always n neat and tasty jmper, carefully edited and admir ably nrruuged, the Christmas Issue jxissessos many features which entitle it to special mention. It Is-lsftied In folio nmgozlnj form with a very attractive design on tho cover mid the Inside fairly teeming with good things from pen and pencil. Iu addition to n number of lino cuts of celebrated pictures, among which Is Included Millet's "Angelus," It i on tains ixirtmlts of Muling citizen of tho capital city, pictures of tho Wnutlful homes with which Lincoln abounds and of some of its morn notable public buildings. Both from an artistic and literary point of view the Holiday Coukiku does great credit to Mr. Wessol nnd his nblo associate editor, Mr. Bonzlugcr. Omaha Ilcnubtican: Here In tho west tho holiday Issuo of nowspnpor and erlodlcnl8 Is In tho most coses, merely on advertising scheme. Such publications nro usually filled with cheap cuts and warmed over boom read ing matter. They nro Interesting to the pro prietor to a degreo commensurate with tho amount of advertising space, nnd nro gener ally of absolutely no interest to tho public. As a distinct departure from tlio "boom" Idea, tho Christmas utimlnr of the Cahtai, City Couhieii deserves a little more than passing mention. Messrs. Lou Wessel and Fred Benzluger, tho editors, havo mode "ads" sulHirdluoto to "art," nnd whllo tlio boomer's somowhnt essential featuro Is not entirely olimluntod the latter is accorded Its proper place. Everything in tho issuo Is original, nnd with originality Is coupled brightness and beauty. Tho engravings, mnny of tho repro ductlons from tho old masters nro conspicu ously npproprlnto and exceedingly well oxo cutod. Tho reading matter speaks for itself, tho long tnblo of contents, including special contributions from C. II , Gere, Wesloy S. Dnvls, Fred Benzluger, Fred Nyo, Frank Daniels, Oscar A. Million, Henry E. Iowls, Hobcrt Alcuoynokls, Harnh Wool Mooro nnd others. Lincoln State Journal: Tlio holiday num ler of tho Capital City Couuieu is without doubt tho prettiest publication of this Datura over issued in Lincoln. There nro twelvo pages of good things enclosed iu n lithograph ed cover of striking benuty. Somo of tho best of tho now buildings of tlio year aro rej) rosented among tho illustrations, nnd the matter is choice and well selected. A paor of tills kind costs a vast amount of time mid uo luconstdemblo expenditure of money, nnd Mr. VVcHseland his associate, Mr. lieuzlngcr. deservo n great den! of credit for the nppoar- nnco oi this Holiday number. Omaha Ercehtor: Noxt to our own boll day Exceltor tlio Christ mas number of tho Capital City CocitiEit pleases us Iwttor than nny siioclnl number that lias como to our to- bio tills year. Mr. Wesicl and his nssoclato editor, Mr. Benzluger, havo shown n great doal of enterprise In their Issuo of ISb'J, tho matter Iielng timely, anil tho Illustrations charming. Tho number would lie n credit to n city of !0,000 peoplo. Nebraska City AVic.t: Tho liaiidsomost holiday paper that has yot reached tho Xews is tho Christmas number of the Capital City Couuieu, edited nnd published by Low Weasel, at Lincoln. It Is printed on lino tinted paper, contains articles from Hon. C. H. Gere, Frtxl Nyo, Ella Wheeler Wilcox and many other prominent writers, nnd Is woll illustrated with homo pictures. It Is an issuo which reflects credit ukjii tho pub lisher. Omaha Mercury: Tho Christmas edition of Mr. Wessel's Capital City Couuikii, of Lincoln, shows the expenditure of much lalior of tho skilled variety. It has twelvo pages of illustrations and literary matter of a high order of niTlt nnd adapted to tlio season, with cover printed in colors, nil com bining to mnko a iaer of beauty and value. Omnlin Herald: Tho Christina nuntbor of tho CouniKU, Just out, is tho neatest over published in Lincoln. Lincoln Call: Tho Call congratulates the Capital City Couuieu on iu magnificent Christmas number. Editor Wossol did bet ter than over before, nnd no more could bo bald of his Christmas paer this time. Lincoln Qlobe: Tho Christmas Couuieu is out nnd nothing bettor in tlio way of ar tistic printing or literary elegnuco bos been issued In this city. Lincoln Xeint: The Christmas numlor of tho CouniErjust out, is ono of the neatest publicatlfyS that has como to our notice this year, tyle cover Is a splendid specimen of tho VpJiogrophor's art, whllo a distinctive foaio is tho freshness of tho illustrations of Lhicoln residences nnd blocks. J Beatrice Democrat: Tho holiday number OI lUOLAl'ITALC'ITYUOUHIElt is Lofero us, and we have uo hesitancy in saying that sho is a dandy. Printed uixm flue toned apor, profusely illustrated, filled with the best of matter, iteolf n tyjiographio beauty, it re flects great credit ujion the enterprising pub lisher, Mr. L. Weasel, Jr., and upou the city of LIncolu. Mny you celobrata many a merry Christmas uud happy New Year, Is the wish of tho Democrat, Norfolk A'ciw Tho finest holiday edition ovor gotten out by a Nebraska newspajer is that of tho Capital City Couuieu of Lin coln, Contents, Illustrations nnd letter press all speak volumes to the credit of tho editor, L. Wossol, Jr; Show Ciiaes Fur Hale, Soveral counter show cases of several sizes all for salo cheap at tho CouuiKit olllco. Call and soo them. Prices will suit. Dr. C. B. Manning, otllce rooms (W-07-03, Burr block. Telephone 5KW. Residence Cor. 80th nnd F. Telephone U30. Adams, Lansing S: Scott, attorneys, rooms 20, SI nnd tti. Lutta Block. Old trunks made as good as now or taken in trade for new ones nt trunk factory SOS So lltli st., lei. 0(53, Wirrlck & Hopper. Also n fine line of trunks.'.vuluies, etc. MUSIC AN1)T11E DRAMA. Many people found fault with "The Penrl Of Pekln" liecauso somo of tlio girls were so drunk thnt they fell over ench other and made n Hotnclo entirely dlsdmllar from that advertised. For my xirt, I didn't object Thero was so llttl to enjoy In the perform ance proper, otltsldoof Louis Hnrrlson's lirond buffoonery, that I found considerable diver lion iu watching those girls lose their Chinese Miocs mid sprawl about tho state. It was mi exhibition not seen very often, and the uuv city or the thing should count Seriously, though, thoro Is every reason for condemning such u performance, hut tho CouniKiidoosn't purpose howling Itself hoars", as some of Its friends urge. It Is extremely unlikely that tho management countenances such n thing or will allow It to puss without rebuke. It Is ono of the occasional Incidents that will Impp-n In n well regulated compiny ns In a well n-guloUsl family. For n paer at n one ulght stand to froth at the mouth a week af ter the eomony has loft town Is to mnko It self ridiculous. When n performance under tho manage ment of either of tho Kirolfy brothers Is au noiuii-ed tho public look Tor a spectacle with red devils, black Imps, fairy queens, glitter ing scenes, shimmering tinsel, gorgeous ballet and u lnbyrliith of grottoes with Good mid Evil alternately chasing each other. People who went to "An-tl-op-o" (accent on third syllnblu) with that exectatlou were dlsap Kiuted, If they jwrslstisl in watching for thu sterootyHvl spectacular business they probably went home with tho opinion that "tho show was uo good." Those who aban doned preconceived notions nnd accepted tho the show as it was unfolded found much to nujoy. There win ono Imllet daneor, rothor better than the average scon In the west, but for my pnrt I cannot soo much to nduiiro Iu tho gyrations of n dnnseuse us we get them. Some of the dancing Is graceful, I admit, but so much of It is stiff and unnatural. And that sickening grin but I'll not discuss that, Walking upon the toes is exceedingly difficult, no doubt, but the only emotion it awakens in mo i ono of pity for tho apparent torture, mid that is not comfortable. The little trot with which tho dnnseuso romes upon tho stago reminds mo of tho quick-step of n goose, romo of tho leaping is groashopper-llku and the lifting of tho legs when walking on tho toes has all tho stiffness of n stork. Miss Allco Gilbert was heralded oh a London jet, but tho only Impression her dancing loft was that of n swirling whiteness rathor moro intense thou usual with girls In half-length dresses. 1 havo boon wondering over since how many white Bklrts she had on, but am likely to go to my grave with thnt conundrum unsolved. Then thero wns n ro-callud ballot corps iu tights and tunics, who danced as well oh tho average but were less than onllnary in march ing. For tho rest tho crformauco consisted of specialties of superior merit: Humpty Dumpty on n slack wire, living marionettes, n swing ring jicrformnnco, etc, "McCarthy's Mishaps" wns on tho onler of "Muldoon's Picnic." It wns a fair show of its kind, but IU kind. TONIOIIT AOAIN. Agnes Herndon opourod nt Funko's InBt night in "liii Hello .Mario, tho Woman's Re vengo" nnd w 111 ploy It again this ovonlng. Tho Now York World says: Agnes Herndon ployed n dun! role Jenn Inglesldo mid Mario mi Hois una she orrorincd tho difficult task w ith great skill. "Ln Belle Mnrfo" is nn in teresting play of IU kind and Is likely to be come a favorite. Miss Herndon captured tho audience, nnd tho "curse" sceno at tho end of tho first act was received with thunders of ap plause. In fact, tho play with Miss Herndon ns the stellar feature cannot fall to win. The treatment of the story of woman's betrnnl was quite novel, and tlio change of Mies Herndon again to tho country girl at tho end of the last act was such n surprise to thu audlonco that the plav, for a full minute, was interrupted by applauso. MANKIND. The attraction nt Funko's for Tuesday ovenlug will be "Mnnklud," of which tho De troit Free I'resH says: Yo ancient English dramatists, makers of romantic dramas, comedies of manners and blank verso trage dies, could nny of them hnvo occupied seats at tho theatre last evening and watched tho performance of "Mankind," tho very hairsou tholr wigs must have stood on end with nstonUhmont Thoy would have iniliold miirvelously realistic representations of a channel steamer, n London street amazing In iU fidelity to llfo nnd various other elaltoruto effects that appear and disappear as if by mnglc. They would hnvo been dimly con scious thnt all this craftily fashioned wood, iron, paint and canvas was In somo way held together by n plot, and thoy undoubtedly would havo arrived ot tho conclusion that literary skill is tho least of n modern drams atist's requlromcnU; that mechanism, not morals, is his guido, nnd tlio sceno painter and machinist his prophets. "Mankind" Is ono of the best dramas of iu class and Is suporbly mounted. It abounds in crime, vllliany and virtuo Iwing mixed In tho proportion of 10 to 1; but ns sufforing innocenco ultlmntoly triumphs ngninst these overwhelming odds, Its moral tono must bo nlovo reproach. AIlOUNn the would. What Ikdv has not road Jules Vnrnn'n nnn. dorful story of a trip around tho world In eiguiy nays, i wo iiowspnjHr correspondents ure at this moment trying to make tho cir cuit In seventy-two to soventy-flvo days, but the facilities for travel nro much better now than when tho imaginative Frenchman wrote. His story has leen transformed into a kc tucular drama, whMi will bo products! nt Funko's next Thursday ovenlng.under tho su pervision of its owner, W. J. Fleming, whoso right to tho play has been nlllrmed by the United States supremo court Mr. Fleming was formerly manager of Niblo's ganlen, New York. Tho company is said tocomprlso fifty ooplo nnd carry two car-loads of scen ery, Tho ploy will bo put on with a ballot, amazonlau marches and other brilliant stago effecU, but tho regular prices will prevail. THE EDEN MU8EE. Tlio f.iaturo of tho week at tho Musou is a erforiuer who for tho wunt of a better de scriptive name Is known nstho "Tho Electric Girl." Lulu Hurst or Miss Price, or wlint over her name Is, gives a mystifying perform ance If a trick it Is rem irkablo, If tho work of a phenomenal power it Is wonderful. She Is mi ordinary looking girl of average slzo and w Kb no evidence of great strength, Yet sho lifts n tS)-K)und man by placing her handsat the side of n chair without taking a grip. Shu holds up a choir mid then a jwlo ngninst the united efforts of two men to press theii to the floor. Iu the latter case she places tho palm of one bond against the jhiIo without taking a grip on It. A hickory stick is held erect uxm tho floor by two or three men to prevent its turning, Hho thou places an oien palm ou the upper nd of tho stick nnd Ix'iids nnd tw Ists It until It is all but broken, A va riety program of average merit holds both stages. The bill for noxt week Includes n comedy company Hint will give "Pock's Bid Boy," Coko, ono of tho survivors of an uictla expe dition, w 111 booxhlhltod, with mvtlo costumes, relics mid souvenirs. P, T, llnrmim'H cut away pointer will be hero again. Little Bar ney Nelson wis born without hands, but usos his feet lit painting. Then there will lie Kear ney & Marks, tho original "one and n half." Nut fur OhiIi. "Doctor," ho said ns thoy mot on tho plat form of tho street car, "can I got n little ad vice of youf "For cash I" "Woll, no. I simply want to ask a ques tion or two, mid being I'm an old patient of yours you won't think of charging mo." "Go ahead. " "Well, my feet nro troubling mo nnd I thought" "Say I Cut 'om right offf" Interrupted the doctor. "I'vo often wondered why you didn't do it Pro got to gut off hero good nlghtf" Detroit Free Press. Acknowledging the Corn. 2r Charlie Clark (gelling up In tho morning) Darned If I blame that Senuinger girl for re fusing mo after all. (N, B. It was ono of those pleasant bounllng houoo skow mirrors.) Judge. How Hho Took the Until. Many indeed nnd various aro tho anecdote told ln connection with oath taking. A very pious and Milnfully guileless old lady was ouco called as a witness before Mr. Tennyson D'Eyncourt tho Bow stroet pollco magis trate. "Is it n fact, your honor t" asked tlio lady, "that I must tako an oath!" "Certainly, madam," replied Mr. D'Eyn court "But I don't llko to do sol" exclaimed tho lady. "You must do so or go to prison," sold Mr. D'Eyncourt "Evory witness has got to wear." Tho lady was hard to be persuaded. For a long time she held out against what sho termed a cruel injustice, but finally consented to comply with tho magistrate's orders. Sho thou took the Book and, to the surprise and amusement of tho whole court, rapped out a tremendous oath, after which she covered her face and cried In pitiful tones: "Heaven for givo mo, but I had to do it!" Pltuburg Dis patch. The New Speaker Tint Hpoecli. Tho first public speech Tom Rood was ovor known to have mado Is amusli'gly described by Mrs. Llbby, an elderly matron of Old Orchard: "I carried Tom Rood to school tho first day lie over wont," said Mrs. Llbby, ns sho smoothes! her apron with her hands. "It was to the school on Brackott street in Portlnud. Thomas wns a tow beaded little follow thou. Ouoo, whon wo were all done, tho teacher asked: 'Are thoro any others who havo a ploco thoy con speakf Up got Thomas and said: 'I know ono: 'Old Jim Crow came riding by, Bays I, "Old mau, your horse will dlo." Says he, "U bodies I'll ton his skla And If ho lives I'U ride him again." And that's all I know.' "That Is, I suppose, tho first soech Thomas over mado. I wonder if ho remembers It now. no had a funny little voice, but ho was so earnest about reciting his piooo tliat It mod us all laugh." Washington Capital. lie Proved IUm FuUa. Actor now Is this I My bill is Just twice as much ni you said it would bo. Hotel Clork I bellove you said you wero an actor, and upon theso representations I gavo you a reduced rate. Actor Well! Hotel Clork U oil, I attended tho perform ance last night and I am convinced that you are uo actor. Nluo dollars, please. Roch ester Post-Express Ills finders W'oto Juinuicd. Small Son Mai ma I conn quick I I'vo got my fingers Jmumod. Mother (seeing red stains on Ids hand) Oh my I como right here and lt mo wrap It up. dear. How did you do It I Small Son I was reaching for my fish lluo on tho top shelf iu tho cupboard where the Jam pot aro uud my finger slipped through tho paper cover. National Weekly. Probably tho lougost "bee" lino railway la tho world U that from Buenos Ayros to tho foot of tho Amies. It covers UK) kilometers, or about S75 tulles, and Is as straight as aa arrow. Tho highest grado is about threo feet to tho inllo. It crosses no ravine and no stream and thercf oro no bridge. xgg&jA lfe4f!fill DEFENDINQ HIMSELF. Or Uie Story of n fluliterrageoui Blnn Who Mndn a l'Mlnr. A man who had not boon conducting hln self very woll, mid who was ondoavorlng to mnko hlmnolf ngnwihlo to his wlfo, remarked after n loug-sllence: "HKmklng of oyolones" "We have not boon siioaklng of cyclone," sho reproachfully broko 111. "Weren't wo speaking of cyclones tbi morning!" ho meekly asked, "No." "When was it wo wero ijwaklng about cy clones !" "I don't know," "Wasn't it last week r "I toll you I don't know," "Wo must have lxen speaking about 07 clones some time," "I don't rmnomlier that wo havo." "Well, now, you inuy not roniembor It Memory, you know, la n very troachoroui thing." "Itoom to 1," she muiworocL "I told you to send somo coal up this morning, but you didn't do It" "I ordered It Aro you suro It dldn'l ouie!" "Ordered It," sho contemptuously ropoatod. "Yes, ordered It Wasn't my fault that It didn't como. Did my part" "Why, you told mo not moro than au hour ngo that you had forgotten it, and now you my that you ordered It" Thoy wero sitting in front of tho grate, Uo pasood Ids hand ovor his brow In a liolp less way, looked at tho clock, shook bit hood sadly nnd soldi "1 cannot heljl what my former declara tion wns; I mny havo uttered numerous ab surdities, while worried with a troublosomo deal that I havo had on my hands for soma time, but I know I ordered that coal oaxly this morning." "Yes, I upjco so." "Loulso, you nro cruel," "Do you think so!" h exaiporatlngly askod. "Yea, I do. You aro not only cruol, but iro actually heartless." "Did you bring that lamb's wool!" "I stopped In tho storo mid thoy said that thoy wero out of tlio butt quality." "Why didn't you go to another storo!" "Well, I wanted to catch a car and well, I wanted to get hero In tltno for dinner, and I thought thnt another time would do for tho lamb's wool, to whon thoy told mo that thoy didn't havo tho best quality 1 hurried away to I could cat dinner with you." "But you didn't got hero In time. You wore nearly two hours lata." . Again ho passed hit hand helplessly over hit brow, "I started all right," he inld, "but tho car itopiod Juit nt wo wore going into tho tun nel. I nskod tho conductor what wot tht matter, and ho said tho cablo was broken." "Why, you told mo that you wero dotalnod at tho ofllco." "Oh, that was yestordny ovenlug," "No, it was this ovenlug." "That's so. It wot yostonhty ovonlng that tho cablo broko." "Why, you wero at home on tlmo then." Ho leaned over and propped up his chin. Ilo was tho ptcturo of HI usojl sadness, of cruel ncgleat She spoko again and ho moved uneasily. "Well, 1otilso, wo won't talk about It I havo done my liest, nnd If I hnvo failed, why, I cannot help it." "You have dona your best to prove that you have not failed," she autworod. Silence followed. "What wero you going to say nbout cyclones!" sho asked, after a tlmo. "Oh, yes. I was thinking of something that took place out on a Kansas prairie, A terrible cyclouo about ten foot wldo cam through the country, Tho narrowest and most forcible cyclone tho peoplo had ever known. When It struck a building it simply cut a hole through it and went 011. Struck hill after it crosNud tho prairie. Bored a hols through. Railroad Is going to uso the bolt for a tunnel. Went on nml struck unothor prairie. Thero It encountered two men walk ing along. Thoy wero about ten foot nyjvrt Thoy didn't hoar tho cyclono, and ono of them had Just taken out a corkscrew, and was about to hand It over to tho other one, whon hero como tho cyclono. It passed be tween them, but took tho oorkscrow away, Terrlflo wind. Why, when thoy found th corkscrew, nliout a mllo further on, It wot ttralghtcnod out like a darning needle." "James, you actually tiro mo. You'd Jutt as well stop trying to talk. Did you bring an ovenlug paper!" "One ln my overcoat pocket, I bellove." She went to his overcoat and took out a small bundle, unrolled It, and then laughed. "What's tho matter, Loulso!" "Nothing, only hero l tho lamb's wool" Ho arose, put his aruu nlwut her, mid tenderly said: "Darling, I havobocu a villain. I tried to defend myself for" "No, Jamos," tho answered, putting hor arms around hit nock, "you aro tho most lovable man In tho world whon when yon don't try to deceive ine. But you won't do it again, will you!" "No." "Novorin tho world!" "Never to long as I live." She wat satisfied, was happy, and Jamet roolly meant what ho said. Man well, oh I Oplu P. Read in Arkansaw Traveller. A Little Hoy' Ideu. "Mamma," said Freddy, whoso duty it wot to run a great many errands, "I wish I was only at big as a dollar." "Why, do you wish that, my son!" "Bocouso thou I could put myself In my pocket and rido myself around." Drake's Magazine. Awfully Dl.obtlsliiB. Mrs. Stayathomo No, I don't got along at all well with John, Ho U so slovenly I Mrs. Goabroad Indeed I "Yesj why I can't even pull hU hair with out getting ray naOs full of dandruff I" Law rence American. Tlio now Felix Govtno's face powders re contly received by Miss Johnston are having a popular side and all the ludles who havo used It liavo grtut praise for it