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About Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 4, 1890)
PoFallAR- RPER-oM9perm .JIMES u
Vol, G. No A,
Lincoln, Nicbhaska, Satukday, January Jl, 1600.
PHIOIC FlVIiJ OlSNTS
BYE THE BYE.
By n scclal nrrnngoinent with tho publish
ers tlio Couiukh H enabled to mnko nn un
paralled offer to tlio eoplo of Lincoln, Tno
CouuiKit has arranged to offer n copy of tlio
complete works of Shnkospcnro as n premium.
By taking n lnrgo edition tho CouitlEit Is aljlo
to present a copy of Shokespeoro to every now
subscriber who pays $2.50, which Include
tlio jwiper for onu year nml tho book. This
offer also holds good for old subscribers who
settlo tip nil arrearages nnd pny &3.M for an
other year. Tills Shakcseare Ih published by
Brcnnen Bros, ot Chicago, It Includes tho
author's oems as well ns hi' plays, Dr. John
son's preface, a glossary, nn account of each
plny.a memoir of tho author mid illustrations.
It constats of 020 lnrgo pages bound In rel
cloth mid lettered in gold. And it can bo had
iti connection with tho Couuieu for tho
trifling sum of 60 cents In addition to tho reg
ular subscription prlco. Anyone Interested is
invited to call nt tho ofllco and Insect tho
Several Lincoln people have got it La
Grippe. A local physician not long from Kn
rope nays It Is Lah Grlpp. Another calls it
Lnh Creep, nnd somo lly peoplo with n smat
tering knowledge of European pronunciation
mnko it Lnh Grip-pa, but It's Just as bnd any
way you tnko It.
The now street car lino to tho Christian uni
versity has been completed and opened for
business, lly nn arrangement with tho down
town company a nickel will carry n passen
gcr over tho two lines from tho center of tho
city to tho university or in tho opposite di
rection. 'Whatever clso may bo said against
tho street railways, it must bo admitted that
they nro liberal in their treatment of tho uni
versities nnd tho peoplo who hnvo to travel
between them and town. Glvo tho dovll his
Tho street car servlco is not a Joy forover,
but better days nro coming. J. II. Evans of
Council Bluffs has been in town to talk with
John Fitzgerald and others about nn electric
system, nnd wo aro assured that It is only n
question of time. Mr. Evans has ono of tho
biggest Angers In the electric road between
Omnlin and tho Bluffs, mid is now branching
out in other cities.
'And hero comes tho announcement of n
now company to build an electric lino from O
street to A nnd thenco to Cushman park. Ac
cording to nowspaper report over fifty thous
and dollars' worth ot Btock has been sul
scribed for. Tho directors nro Messrs. Henry
T. Clark, Thomas Ryan, A. M. Gardner, A.
M. Trimble, George Downing, A. C. Zlemcr
and A. C. Rlcketto. Let tho good work goon.
Tho Christmas number of tho Omnlin Erect
sior had n number of fine features. Tho first
pngo of tho bluo cover was illuminated with
nn appropriate engraving designed by W. G.
Richardson of tho lice. Although engaged in
nowspaper work for n livelihood, Mr. Rich
nruson has a keen nrtlstto sonso and In lact
can turn his mind and hand to n variety of
skilled usos with almost equal facility. Ho
makes another contribution to tho Excelsior
In tho form of n story sketching nphaso of If fo
In California, Then thero aro threo notablo
engravings of littlo interest, to straugers but
amusing, no doubt, to Omniums. Ono of
thorn shows in n fanciful way a group of nine
young business men as thoy will look when
they grow old. Tlio other two pretend to
show several old citizens as thoy looked w hen
young. Fred Nyo has n jkhmh entitled "At
Her Prayers." Thero Is also n poem by Olios.
8. Elgutter, for n long timo n paragrapher on
tho Dee, during which prosaic work liisoetio
talent had no occasion to assert itself mid iu
scarcely suspected. Sandy G, V. Griswold,
also of tho lite, Is represented by n story with
tho sceno lnld in Cincinnati. Mr. Griswold is
tho Sorting editor of tho Ike, and tho Sun
day Dee now has about ns good a iortliig de
partment ns any dally in tho country, except
ing tho Boston Olobe and the Boston Herald.
Mr. Grlswold's stylo of reporting baseball
games is unlquo and has attracted widespread
attention to his work. When Spauldlng was
planning last winter's baseball trip around
tho world ho asked Griswold to go along and
report tho games, offering to pay hlsexpenses,
W. E. Anulii relates his oxperlenco In a btngo
coach on tho rond ncrosslwostern Nebraska to
the Black Hills. Ho was caught out in a tor
riblo blizzard and had a thrilling Christmas
Evo. Mr. Annin, now private secretnry to
Scnntor Paddock, is also an old Dee. man. Ho
is an original thinker, a fluent writer, a ready
talker, a clever fellow, a good story-teller and
overflows with wit, anecdoto and reminis
The windows in tho Glass House beg par
don, the Exposition are said to have cost
Tho contest for the now college of tho Sev
enth Day Adventlsts is said tobaveuarrowod
down to Lincoln and Des Moines. Dos Moines
hag plenty of wealth, but is not disposed to
loosen its grip unless it can feel suro of get
ting back two dollars for ono. With tho lib
eral spirit that Lincoln has always shown for
Buch institutions sho ought surely to capture
the now school.
Milwaukee bos a woman who tenches green
horns how to play whist, and sho has classes
in both that city and Chlcngo. It is said thero
nro two other women engaged In that work
in this country, ono iu Cincinnati and the
other in Boston. This maUcr of "teaching
tho nrt of playing whist" is amusing when it
tries to go beyond a certain point. Thero aro,
of courso, certain principles to be learned, ami
it is only a motterof choice whether ono tako
Cavendish, Pole, Clay, G. W. P. ns his men
tor, or combine somo of tho best features of
two or nioro of tlicin. A teacher may explain
theso principles nnd Insist on their being ob
served. Ho may, to n limited extent, tell his
pupils how to draw conclusions from tho fall
of the cards; but beyond a point more or less
Indefinite nil depends on tho Intelligence nnd
training of tho player. Tlio teacher cannot
coniol a pupil to bo simple u thing as remoni
boring the number of ti uinps out, Thnt and
n thousand other things nro matters of IndU
vidua! effort. Most people talk of tho "rules"
of whist when they menu tho principles. The
unscientific player ridicules the idea of play
ing whist "by rule Just llko a machine." Ho
has heard enthusiasts tell of "making tho
canls talk" and ho cannot see the fun of n
gamo In which "all four players know what
every play means." But Mr. Smart Is too Ig
norant to roallzo tho density of his Ignorance.
Tho "rules" of whist regulato tho number of
players, tho manner of shuflllug, tho order of
dealing and similar matters. Rules are fixed
ami not very ItexlhK They aro observed by
tho bumblo-puppylst ns wollns tho export.
Tho "principles" of whist nro not binding on
anyone. It is n safo assertion that not ono
hand iu a thousand is played that doos not see
ono or nioro of tho general principles violated.
Millions of combinations can bo made; with
llftytwo curdi, ond It probably does not oc-.
cur ouco in 10,000 times that there aro two
hands played precisely nllko. Tho exjiort is
tho man who can quickly study out each now
combination from tlio rail of tho cards and
adapt his principles nccordlngly.
About tho richest calendor received by tho
CouuiKit is that or tho Russell & Morgan
printing Co. of Cincinnati, tho well known
manufacturers of playing canls. Thoy began
as Job printers about twenty-two years ago
In n siunll way and now employ ft)7 persons.
They begun making cards loss than ten years
ngo. Tho first pack was finished Juno S3,
lhSl, and ns Mr. Morgan handed it to Mr.
Russell for inspection ho laughingly said:
"There, that tack of canls cost us f.'i3,000."
Ho included tho cost of now machinery nnd
othoi preparations. Thoy Bttrtod with twen
ty operatives and n capacity of 1000 packs n
day, Thoy now hnvo fifty presses and n ca
pacity of JJO.OOO packs per day or 0,000,000 n
year, moro thou tan times ta many ns nro
turned out by nineteen factories iu Great
Britain. This comimny broko tlio monopoly
on cards nnd havo greatly reduced tho prices.
Tho peoplo of Lincoln aro told that Omaha
is makitlir dosnerntn pfTnrta In cnntnrn tin.
state fair. Why doesn't tho Omaha corres-
IHjiiuent oi mo .oitnint ten us just what Is
being dono up therol Is thero a conspiracy
to scare Lincoln into a bonus?
Rather an odd IUm cront Into tlm Running
A'etca tho day after Now Years. It read as
"What did you substitute for wino yestor
day! was asked ono of the open home recep
tion ladies of Lincoln. 'SubstltutoJ Thero
is no substitute It was a caso of wino or no
wino, for nothing will tako IU place. Wino
Is good. I llko it and keep It on my side
board, but that is no sign I mean to servo it
to young men and mixed companies.' 'What
did you do, Mrs. Z., when tho foreigners
dropHd down uiwn you!' 'I am not a
There aro only throe Mrs. Z.'s in Lincoln
who would bo likely to keep open house:
Mrs. John Zehrung, Mrs. Honry Zehrung,
Mrs. A. C. Kleiner, whllo but ono of them
was announced by tlio nowspupers as formally
receiving. It Is not likely that either of tho
threo ludles mentioned would express such
sentiments for publication. Dyo-tho-Byohas
tho best of reasons for Mleving thnt neither
of them Hindo uny such statement, for lie
read almost Identically the somo words
several days beforo Now Years. In the
Omaha World-Herald of last Sunday is n
letter from Washington, D. O., giving tho
opinions of prominent ladles on tho custom of
Borvlng wino on Now Years day. They
were Mrs. President Harrison, Mrs. Vice
President Morton, Miss Wlndom, Mrs. Sec
retary Noblo, Mrs. Attorney-General Miller,
Mm. Secretary Rusk, Mru Chlof Justice
Fuller, Mrs. Justice Fields ond tho wives of
five congressmen. Tho squib published by
the News occurs iu tho intcrviow with Mrs.
Noblo. Tho only chango mado was tho In
terpolation of tlio lino attributing it ton
Lincoln lady and tho substitution of "Mrs.
Z." for "Mrs. Noblo." Otherwiso tlio item is
identical in both imihts. It occurs In tho
News apart from any report of Now Years
proceedings. It was picked out of an article
filling over two columns. A little odd
Tho Thief of Time.
Visitor (to prisoner) I uotloed the wardwi
called you " Procrastination. " Isn't that
Prissier Y'see, sir, I was sent up fur
bf tin' i lot of watches, Munsey's Weekly,
Desk Iloom nnd Ofllcos.
In our now couutlnu room which is carpet
ed with Ixxly bruss.s nnd otherwise hand-
sonioly furnished, w 1 havo built a neat rail
ing, clving room .'ir two offices, or desk
room, which wo wu-t rent reasonably to tho
right parties. Ou .is kept clean, boated, and
use ui leiepuonu en. Appiy m uuii-u.
j Wossol Printing Co.
"Courier" Bulling, 113S 113J N 8t.
Book orders ahead for Buuday livery in
order to get a rig at the Palace Stables.
WHAT THEY THINK OFalT.
Omahn Dec, Among tho inanv attractive
holiday numbers which havo reached this
olllco nono deserve moro pralw than that of
tho Capital City C'oumicii. Always n neat
and tasty jmper, carefully edited and admir
ably nrruuged, the Christmas Issue jxissessos
many features which entitle it to special
mention. It Is-lsftied In folio nmgozlnj form
with a very attractive design on tho cover
mid the Inside fairly teeming with good
things from pen and pencil. Iu addition to
n number of lino cuts of celebrated pictures,
among which Is Included Millet's "Angelus,"
It i on tains ixirtmlts of Muling citizen of tho
capital city, pictures of tho Wnutlful homes
with which Lincoln abounds and of some of
its morn notable public buildings. Both from
an artistic and literary point of view the
Holiday Coukiku does great credit to Mr.
Wessol nnd his nblo associate editor, Mr.
Omaha Ilcnubtican: Here In tho west tho
holiday Issuo of nowspnpor and erlodlcnl8
Is In tho most coses, merely on advertising
scheme. Such publications nro usually filled
with cheap cuts and warmed over boom read
ing matter. They nro Interesting to the pro
prietor to a degreo commensurate with tho
amount of advertising space, nnd nro gener
ally of absolutely no interest to tho public.
As a distinct departure from tlio "boom"
Idea, tho Christmas utimlnr of the Cahtai,
City Couhieii deserves a little more than
passing mention. Messrs. Lou Wessel and
Fred Benzluger, tho editors, havo mode "ads"
sulHirdluoto to "art," nnd whllo tlio boomer's
somowhnt essential featuro Is not entirely
olimluntod the latter is accorded Its proper
place. Everything in tho issuo Is original,
nnd with originality Is coupled brightness and
beauty. Tho engravings, mnny of tho repro
ductlons from tho old masters nro conspicu
ously npproprlnto and exceedingly well oxo
cutod. Tho reading matter speaks for itself,
tho long tnblo of contents, including special
contributions from C. II , Gere, Wesloy S.
Dnvls, Fred Benzluger, Fred Nyo, Frank
Daniels, Oscar A. Million, Henry E. Iowls,
Hobcrt Alcuoynokls, Harnh Wool Mooro nnd
Lincoln State Journal: Tlio holiday num
ler of tho Capital City Couuieu is without
doubt tho prettiest publication of this Datura
over issued in Lincoln. There nro twelvo
pages of good things enclosed iu n lithograph
ed cover of striking benuty. Somo of tho
best of tho now buildings of tlio year aro rej)
rosented among tho illustrations, nnd the
matter is choice and well selected. A paor
of tills kind costs a vast amount of time mid
uo luconstdemblo expenditure of money, nnd
Mr. VVcHseland his associate, Mr. lieuzlngcr.
deservo n great den! of credit for the nppoar-
nnco oi this Holiday number.
Omaha Ercehtor: Noxt to our own boll
day Exceltor tlio Christ mas number of tho
Capital City CocitiEit pleases us Iwttor than
nny siioclnl number that lias como to our to-
bio tills year. Mr. Wesicl and his nssoclato
editor, Mr. Benzluger, havo shown n great
doal of enterprise In their Issuo of ISb'J, tho
matter Iielng timely, anil tho Illustrations
charming. Tho number would lie n credit to
n city of !0,000 peoplo.
Nebraska City AVic.t: Tho liaiidsomost
holiday paper that has yot reached tho Xews
is tho Christmas number of the Capital
City Couuieu, edited nnd published by Low
Weasel, at Lincoln. It Is printed on lino
tinted paper, contains articles from Hon. C.
H. Gere, Frtxl Nyo, Ella Wheeler Wilcox
and many other prominent writers, nnd Is
woll illustrated with homo pictures. It Is an
issuo which reflects credit ukjii tho pub
lisher. Omaha Mercury: Tho Christmas edition
of Mr. Wessel's Capital City Couuikii, of
Lincoln, shows the expenditure of much
lalior of tho skilled variety. It has twelvo
pages of illustrations and literary matter of
a high order of niTlt nnd adapted to tlio
season, with cover printed in colors, nil com
bining to mnko a iaer of beauty and value.
Omnlin Herald: Tho Christina nuntbor
of tho CouniKU, Just out, is tho neatest over
published in Lincoln.
Lincoln Call: Tho Call congratulates the
Capital City Couuieu on iu magnificent
Christmas number. Editor Wossol did bet
ter than over before, nnd no more could bo
bald of his Christmas paer this time.
Lincoln Qlobe: Tho Christmas Couuieu
is out nnd nothing bettor in tlio way of ar
tistic printing or literary elegnuco bos been
issued In this city.
Lincoln Xeint: The Christmas numlor of
tho CouniErjust out, is ono of the neatest
publicatlfyS that has como to our notice this
year, tyle cover Is a splendid specimen of
tho VpJiogrophor's art, whllo a distinctive
foaio is tho freshness of tho illustrations of
Lhicoln residences nnd blocks.
J Beatrice Democrat: Tho holiday number
OI lUOLAl'ITALC'ITYUOUHIElt is Lofero us,
and we have uo hesitancy in saying that sho
is a dandy. Printed uixm flue toned apor,
profusely illustrated, filled with the best of
matter, iteolf n tyjiographio beauty, it re
flects great credit ujion the enterprising pub
lisher, Mr. L. Weasel, Jr., and upou the city
of LIncolu. Mny you celobrata many a
merry Christmas uud happy New Year, Is the
wish of tho Democrat,
Norfolk A'ciw Tho finest holiday edition
ovor gotten out by a Nebraska newspajer is
that of tho Capital City Couuieu of Lin
coln, Contents, Illustrations nnd letter press
all speak volumes to the credit of tho editor,
L. Wossol, Jr;
Show Ciiaes Fur Hale,
Soveral counter show cases of several sizes
all for salo cheap at tho CouuiKit olllco. Call
and soo them. Prices will suit.
Dr. C. B. Manning, otllce rooms (W-07-03,
Burr block. Telephone 5KW. Residence Cor.
80th nnd F. Telephone U30.
Adams, Lansing S: Scott, attorneys, rooms
20, SI nnd tti. Lutta Block.
Old trunks made as good as now or taken
in trade for new ones nt trunk factory SOS
So lltli st., lei. 0(53, Wirrlck & Hopper.
Also n fine line of trunks.'.vuluies, etc.
MUSIC AN1)T11E DRAMA.
Many people found fault with "The Penrl
Of Pekln" liecauso somo of tlio girls were so
drunk thnt they fell over ench other and
made n Hotnclo entirely dlsdmllar from that
advertised. For my xirt, I didn't object
Thero was so llttl to enjoy In the perform
ance proper, otltsldoof Louis Hnrrlson's lirond
buffoonery, that I found considerable diver
lion iu watching those girls lose their Chinese
Miocs mid sprawl about tho state. It was mi
exhibition not seen very often, and the uuv
city or the thing should count Seriously,
though, thoro Is every reason for condemning
such u performance, hut tho CouniKiidoosn't
purpose howling Itself hoars", as some of Its
friends urge. It Is extremely unlikely that
tho management countenances such n thing
or will allow It to puss without rebuke.
It Is ono of the occasional Incidents that will
Impp-n In n well regulated compiny ns In a
well n-guloUsl family. For n paer at n one
ulght stand to froth at the mouth a week af
ter the eomony has loft town Is to mnko It
When n performance under tho manage
ment of either of tho Kirolfy brothers Is au
noiuii-ed tho public look Tor a spectacle with
red devils, black Imps, fairy queens, glitter
ing scenes, shimmering tinsel, gorgeous ballet
and u lnbyrliith of grottoes with Good mid
Evil alternately chasing each other. People
who went to "An-tl-op-o" (accent on third
syllnblu) with that exectatlou were dlsap
Kiuted, If they jwrslstisl in watching for
thu sterootyHvl spectacular business they
probably went home with tho opinion that
"tho show was uo good." Those who aban
doned preconceived notions nnd accepted tho
the show as it was unfolded found much to
nujoy. There win ono Imllet daneor, rothor
better than the average scon In the west, but
for my pnrt I cannot soo much to nduiiro Iu
tho gyrations of n dnnseuse us we get them.
Some of the dancing Is graceful, I admit, but
so much of It is stiff and unnatural. And
that sickening grin but I'll not discuss that,
Walking upon the toes is exceedingly difficult,
no doubt, but the only emotion it awakens in
mo i ono of pity for tho apparent torture,
mid that is not comfortable. The little trot
with which tho dnnseuso romes upon tho stago
reminds mo of tho quick-step of n goose, romo
of tho leaping is groashopper-llku and the
lifting of tho legs when walking on tho toes
has all tho stiffness of n stork. Miss Allco
Gilbert was heralded oh a London jet, but
tho only Impression her dancing loft was that
of n swirling whiteness rathor moro intense
thou usual with girls In half-length dresses. 1
havo boon wondering over since how many
white Bklrts she had on, but am likely to go
to my grave with thnt conundrum unsolved.
Then thero wns n ro-callud ballot corps iu
tights and tunics, who danced as well oh tho
average but were less than onllnary in march
ing. For tho rest tho crformauco consisted
of specialties of superior merit: Humpty
Dumpty on n slack wire, living marionettes,
n swing ring jicrformnnco, etc,
"McCarthy's Mishaps" wns on tho onler of
"Muldoon's Picnic." It wns a fair show of
its kind, but IU kind.
Agnes Herndon opourod nt Funko's InBt
night in "liii Hello .Mario, tho Woman's Re
vengo" nnd w 111 ploy It again this ovonlng.
Tho Now York World says: Agnes Herndon
ployed n dun! role Jenn Inglesldo mid Mario
mi Hois una she orrorincd tho difficult task
w ith great skill. "Ln Belle Mnrfo" is nn in
teresting play of IU kind and Is likely to be
come a favorite. Miss Herndon captured tho
audience, nnd tho "curse" sceno at tho end of
tho first act was received with thunders of ap
plause. In fact, tho play with Miss Herndon
ns the stellar feature cannot fall to win.
The treatment of the story of woman's
betrnnl was quite novel, and tlio change of
Mies Herndon again to tho country girl at tho
end of the last act was such n surprise to thu
audlonco that the plav, for a full minute, was
interrupted by applauso.
The attraction nt Funko's for Tuesday
ovenlug will be "Mnnklud," of which tho De
troit Free I'resH says: Yo ancient English
dramatists, makers of romantic dramas,
comedies of manners and blank verso trage
dies, could nny of them hnvo occupied seats
at tho theatre last evening and watched tho
performance of "Mankind," tho very hairsou
tholr wigs must have stood on end with
nstonUhmont Thoy would have iniliold
miirvelously realistic representations of a
channel steamer, n London street amazing In
iU fidelity to llfo nnd various other elaltoruto
effects that appear and disappear as if by
mnglc. They would hnvo been dimly con
scious thnt all this craftily fashioned wood,
iron, paint and canvas was In somo way held
together by n plot, and thoy undoubtedly
would havo arrived ot tho conclusion that
literary skill is tho least of n modern drams
atist's requlromcnU; that mechanism, not
morals, is his guido, nnd tlio sceno painter and
machinist his prophets. "Mankind" Is ono
of the best dramas of iu class and Is suporbly
mounted. It abounds in crime, vllliany and
virtuo Iwing mixed In tho proportion of 10 to
1; but ns sufforing innocenco ultlmntoly
triumphs ngninst these overwhelming odds,
Its moral tono must bo nlovo reproach.
AIlOUNn the would.
What Ikdv has not road Jules Vnrnn'n nnn.
dorful story of a trip around tho world In
eiguiy nays, i wo iiowspnjHr correspondents
ure at this moment trying to make tho cir
cuit In seventy-two to soventy-flvo days, but
the facilities for travel nro much better now
than when tho imaginative Frenchman wrote.
His story has leen transformed into a kc
tucular drama, whMi will bo products! nt
Funko's next Thursday ovenlng.under tho su
pervision of its owner, W. J. Fleming, whoso
right to tho play has been nlllrmed by the
United States supremo court Mr. Fleming
was formerly manager of Niblo's ganlen,
New York. Tho company is said tocomprlso
fifty ooplo nnd carry two car-loads of scen
ery, Tho ploy will bo put on with a ballot,
amazonlau marches and other brilliant stago
effecU, but tho regular prices will prevail.
THE EDEN MU8EE.
Tlio f.iaturo of tho week at tho Musou is a
erforiuer who for tho wunt of a better de
scriptive name Is known nstho "Tho Electric
Girl." Lulu Hurst or Miss Price, or wlint
over her name Is, gives a mystifying perform
ance If a trick it Is rem irkablo, If tho work
of a phenomenal power it Is wonderful. She
Is mi ordinary looking girl of average slzo and
w Kb no evidence of great strength, Yet sho
lifts n tS)-K)und man by placing her handsat
the side of n chair without taking a grip. Shu
holds up a choir mid then a jwlo ngninst the
united efforts of two men to press theii to
the floor. Iu the latter case she places tho
palm of one bond against the jhiIo without
taking a grip on It. A hickory stick is held
erect uxm tho floor by two or three men to
prevent its turning, Hho thou places an oien
palm ou the upper nd of tho stick nnd Ix'iids
nnd tw Ists It until It is all but broken, A va
riety program of average merit holds both
The bill for noxt week Includes n comedy
company Hint will give "Pock's Bid Boy,"
Coko, ono of tho survivors of an uictla expe
dition, w 111 booxhlhltod, with mvtlo costumes,
relics mid souvenirs. P, T, llnrmim'H cut
away pointer will be hero again. Little Bar
ney Nelson wis born without hands, but usos
his feet lit painting. Then there will lie Kear
ney & Marks, tho original "one and n half."
Nut fur OhiIi.
"Doctor," ho said ns thoy mot on tho plat
form of tho street car, "can I got n little ad
vice of youf
"For cash I"
"Woll, no. I simply want to ask a ques
tion or two, mid being I'm an old patient of
yours you won't think of charging mo."
"Go ahead. "
"Well, my feet nro troubling mo nnd I
"Say I Cut 'om right offf" Interrupted the
doctor. "I'vo often wondered why you didn't
do it Pro got to gut off hero good nlghtf"
Detroit Free Press.
Acknowledging the Corn.
Charlie Clark (gelling up In tho morning)
Darned If I blame that Senuinger girl for re
fusing mo after all. (N, B. It was ono of
those pleasant bounllng houoo skow mirrors.)
How Hho Took the Until.
Many indeed nnd various aro tho anecdote
told ln connection with oath taking. A very
pious and Milnfully guileless old lady was
ouco called as a witness before Mr. Tennyson
D'Eyncourt tho Bow stroet pollco magis
trate. "Is it n fact, your honor t" asked tlio lady,
"that I must tako an oath!"
"Certainly, madam," replied Mr. D'Eyn
court "But I don't llko to do sol" exclaimed tho
"You must do so or go to prison," sold Mr.
D'Eyncourt "Evory witness has got to
Tho lady was hard to be persuaded. For a
long time she held out against what sho
termed a cruel injustice, but finally consented
to comply with tho magistrate's orders. Sho
thou took the Book and, to the surprise and
amusement of tho whole court, rapped out a
tremendous oath, after which she covered her
face and cried In pitiful tones: "Heaven for
givo mo, but I had to do it!" Pltuburg Dis
patch. The New Speaker Tint Hpoecli.
Tho first public speech Tom Rood was ovor
known to have mado Is amusli'gly described
by Mrs. Llbby, an elderly matron of Old
"I carried Tom Rood to school tho first
day lie over wont," said Mrs. Llbby, ns sho
smoothes! her apron with her hands. "It was
to the school on Brackott street in Portlnud.
Thomas wns a tow beaded little follow thou.
Ouoo, whon wo were all done, tho teacher
asked: 'Are thoro any others who havo a
ploco thoy con speakf Up got Thomas and
said: 'I know ono:
'Old Jim Crow came riding by,
Bays I, "Old mau, your horse will dlo."
Says he, "U bodies I'll ton his skla
And If ho lives I'U ride him again."
And that's all I know.'
"That Is, I suppose, tho first soech Thomas
over mado. I wonder if ho remembers It now.
no had a funny little voice, but ho was so
earnest about reciting his piooo tliat It mod
us all laugh." Washington Capital.
lie Proved IUm FuUa.
Actor now Is this I My bill is Just twice
as much ni you said it would bo.
Hotel Clork I bellove you said you wero
an actor, and upon theso representations I
gavo you a reduced rate.
Hotel Clork U oil, I attended tho perform
ance last night and I am convinced that you
are uo actor. Nluo dollars, please. Roch
Ills finders W'oto Juinuicd.
Small Son Mai ma I conn quick I I'vo got
my fingers Jmumod.
Mother (seeing red stains on Ids hand) Oh
my I como right here and lt mo wrap It up.
dear. How did you do It I
Small Son I was reaching for my fish lluo
on tho top shelf iu tho cupboard where the
Jam pot aro uud my finger slipped through
tho paper cover. National Weekly.
Probably tho lougost "bee" lino railway la
tho world U that from Buenos Ayros to tho
foot of tho Amies. It covers UK) kilometers,
or about S75 tulles, and Is as straight as aa
arrow. Tho highest grado is about threo feet
to tho inllo. It crosses no ravine and no
stream and thercf oro no bridge.
Or Uie Story of n fluliterrageoui Blnn Who
Mndn a l'Mlnr.
A man who had not boon conducting hln
self very woll, mid who was ondoavorlng to
mnko hlmnolf ngnwihlo to his wlfo, remarked
after n loug-sllence:
"HKmklng of oyolones"
"We have not boon siioaklng of cyclone,"
sho reproachfully broko 111.
"Weren't wo speaking of cyclones tbi
morning!" ho meekly asked,
"When was it wo wero ijwaklng about cy
"I don't know,"
"Wasn't it last week r
"I toll you I don't know,"
"Wo must have lxen speaking about 07
clones some time,"
"I don't rmnomlier that wo havo."
"Well, now, you inuy not roniembor It
Memory, you know, la n very troachoroui
"Itoom to 1," she muiworocL "I told
you to send somo coal up this morning, but
you didn't do It"
"I ordered It Aro you suro It dldn'l
"Ordered It," sho contemptuously ropoatod.
"Yes, ordered It Wasn't my fault that It
didn't como. Did my part"
"Why, you told mo not moro than au hour
ngo that you had forgotten it, and now you
my that you ordered It"
Thoy wero sitting in front of tho grate,
Uo pasood Ids hand ovor his brow In a liolp
less way, looked at tho clock, shook bit hood
sadly nnd soldi
"1 cannot heljl what my former declara
tion wns; I mny havo uttered numerous ab
surdities, while worried with a troublosomo
deal that I havo had on my hands for soma
time, but I know I ordered that coal oaxly
"Yes, I upjco so."
"Loulso, you nro cruel,"
"Do you think so!" h exaiporatlngly
"Yea, I do. You aro not only cruol, but
iro actually heartless."
"Did you bring that lamb's wool!"
"I stopped In tho storo mid thoy said that
thoy wero out of tlio butt quality."
"Why didn't you go to another storo!"
"Well, I wanted to catch a car and well,
I wanted to get hero In tltno for dinner, and
I thought thnt another time would do for tho
lamb's wool, to whon thoy told mo that thoy
didn't havo tho best quality 1 hurried away
to I could cat dinner with you."
"But you didn't got hero In time. You
wore nearly two hours lata." .
Again ho passed hit hand helplessly over
"I started all right," he inld, "but tho car
itopiod Juit nt wo wore going into tho tun
nel. I nskod tho conductor what wot tht
matter, and ho said tho cablo was broken."
"Why, you told mo that you wero dotalnod
at tho ofllco."
"Oh, that was yestordny ovenlug,"
"No, it was this ovenlug."
"That's so. It wot yostonhty ovonlng that
tho cablo broko."
"Why, you wero at home on tlmo then."
Ho leaned over and propped up his chin.
Ilo was tho ptcturo of HI usojl sadness, of
cruel ncgleat She spoko again and ho moved
"Well, 1otilso, wo won't talk about It I
havo done my liest, nnd If I hnvo failed, why,
I cannot help it."
"You have dona your best to prove that
you have not failed," she autworod.
Silence followed. "What wero you going
to say nbout cyclones!" sho asked, after a
"Oh, yes. I was thinking of something
that took place out on a Kansas prairie, A
terrible cyclouo about ten foot wldo cam
through the country, Tho narrowest and
most forcible cyclone tho peoplo had ever
known. When It struck a building it simply
cut a hole through it and went 011. Struck
hill after it crosNud tho prairie. Bored a hols
through. Railroad Is going to uso the bolt
for a tunnel. Went on nml struck unothor
prairie. Thero It encountered two men walk
ing along. Thoy wero about ten foot nyjvrt
Thoy didn't hoar tho cyclono, and ono of
them had Just taken out a corkscrew, and
was about to hand It over to tho other one,
whon hero como tho cyclono. It passed be
tween them, but took tho oorkscrow away,
Terrlflo wind. Why, when thoy found th
corkscrew, nliout a mllo further on, It wot
ttralghtcnod out like a darning needle."
"James, you actually tiro mo. You'd Jutt
as well stop trying to talk. Did you bring
an ovenlug paper!"
"One ln my overcoat pocket, I bellove."
She went to his overcoat and took out a
small bundle, unrolled It, and then laughed.
"What's tho matter, Loulso!"
"Nothing, only hero l tho lamb's wool"
Ho arose, put his aruu nlwut her, mid
tenderly said: "Darling, I havobocu a villain.
I tried to defend myself for"
"No, Jamos," tho answered, putting hor
arms around hit nock, "you aro tho most
lovable man In tho world whon when yon
don't try to deceive ine. But you won't do it
again, will you!"
"Novorin tho world!"
"Never to long as I live."
She wat satisfied, was happy, and Jamet
roolly meant what ho said. Man well, oh I
Oplu P. Read in Arkansaw Traveller.
A Little Hoy' Ideu.
"Mamma," said Freddy, whoso duty it wot
to run a great many errands, "I wish I was
only at big as a dollar."
"Why, do you wish that, my son!"
"Bocouso thou I could put myself In my
pocket and rido myself around." Drake's
Mrs. Stayathomo No, I don't got along at
all well with John, Ho U so slovenly I
Mrs. Goabroad Indeed I
"Yesj why I can't even pull hU hair with
out getting ray naOs full of dandruff I" Law
Tlio now Felix Govtno's face powders re
contly received by Miss Johnston are having
a popular side and all the ludles who havo
used It liavo grtut praise for it
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