fKiff,ywggLtJli..U?J ,'r'
!J- .. . - -
i:
f
EKI2Y
IlERIIiD
KM IfNKgUAI.l.KO rou
51 Y
EAR
Etyljt lare pa5
Aro Allot every wcfV wdlli
rnrcfullv rnllrrtrd
ni. mrrm msrlicl jrrports
11111I mlsrHlAiitMiu
fntrtwtlnii
rmilltu. Tim lltiistrntist sims-IM Bill
tlim )mvi) Mllrnclnl universal lirnlo, II1I-. IIMI
ALU's) I'lcmrrit rtcrlllna
limn iif nny nlhrr news-
I1KT,
Nrw tmtnrrs rv twlim mlilixt from llnir til
llmji Anil eaifitlmiilllv inrmna,, II
tin lnlcri"t In tlir
liomn circle. Il mrr In HKNll Foil A PHKK
1 Kill a i- iir.K
mampi.s: ihiI'V Iw-fo
ulMcrllilnit (or nny other
nowtPniHT. ADIlltKSrt
OIIIOAQO WKEKLY HERALD,
Chicago, 111.
Cfctcseo's Host Momlnii Nowioapcr U
Tl-IB
DAILY
HERALD,
Q PAGGS FOK 2 GTSt
Hold lir nownmrn ovorywlirre or scut liy mull for
W Cents per nuinlli. ADDIIKHS
TH1C oniOAQO HERALD,
ISO A Vil Flfth-nr., CUIOAOO.
JAMES W, BCOTT, PublUhor.
OTho HUYiaiurauimain
Issuoil Mnroh mid Hopt.,
each your. It In mi onoy.
olopodhi ol' usolul 1 11 for.
inatlon for nil who pur.
ohn.no tho Inxurlon or tlio
liocossltlos of ltlo. Wo
oaii olotho you mul furnish you with
nil tho uoaossary mul unnocossary
nppliancos to rlilo, wnlk, tlituco, r.lcop,
oat, Hah, hunt, work, no to church,
or stay nt homo, ntul In vnrlouu ulnon,
stylos mul quantities, Just fiRuro out
what I roqulrod to do all thoso things
COMFQnTABLY, mul you onn mnko a fair
ostlmnto or llio value or tho miVEHB'
OUIDI), whloli will ho f.unt upon
rocolpt of 10 contit to pay iiontiiRO,
MONTGOMERY WARD & CO.
111-1M Michigan Avouuo, UIiIoiiro.III.
-r
r I M B !"
The I cut Illustrate! humorous newspn
per. 'J Ins effect of the tllustrnlloiiH Is
heightened by the use of four colors. A loo
pt luted 011 coated paper.
Time is? Staunchly Republican
It vigorously ndvocules the maintain
mice of n protective tariff; mul It speaks In
110 uncertain voice forRepubllcnn princi
ples, mul for doctrines ol the party ns set
forth In the Republican platform of 18SS.
Such n paper, speaking illrcctly to the
eye of the voter illrcctly through Its sim
ple mul powerful cartoons, ns well ns to
the niliul through It cilltorlaU, vv III hoof
positive value to you dining the present
campaign.
TI1I1 being n campaign of education, In
which It Is necessary to tench the voter the
plain fact of the situation by every menus
wltliln reach.a n.ipcr sued ns TIM IS should
he found weekly In the rending room of
every Republican club lit the coiuitry.
Single espies, ten cents ench; subscrip
tion, 3 mos., $1.35; 6 1110$., $2.50 j one year
5.00; snmple copv by reipiest. Ask your
newsdealer for TlNlL.
TIME PUBLISHING CO.,
14 & 16 Vcscy street, New York.
E. T. ROBERTS & SON
Undertakers antlEmbalmers.
212 North nth Street,
Windsor Hotel A'mex,
Telephones, Olllce it 5. Residence 156.
Open Day and Night.
Reopened 1033 O Street
is'otwlth
standliiR tho
fact that Fho.
totrnphs linvo
been redu ed
to nbout Iinlf
tho formor
price wo have
engaged the
services of one
of tho best lln
Ishers In New
York to take
chargoor that
department of
the studio. Our
efforts shall be
tint Irl up to
elvocncli eus
tomor entire
sntl s fact I on
nnd to produce
superior work
tomiy no lmo
done before-.
. OaWnets, $3 per Dozen.
rasiinr
41 tfl' JTM Jk
A Couiprchriulvn Order.
Ouost (In rcstnurnnl) I'vo no tlmo to glvo
you mi onlor from llio bill of faro. Bring
mo anything bring 1110 whatever you've
got.
Walter (deferentially) Hvcrythlng wo've
got In 0110 onlor, sir!
(luosU-Yes. that will do.
Walter (In loud, lmxrlotis voice) Clam
clionilcr for one, Chicago Trllmno.
Not HurprWInjr.
SrJr
"Ho your 11111110 Is Domlliyl Woll, Mnw
Dorothy, do you know Unit you nrotbo jwr
iwt Iniuijo of your jvipaf
"Oli, yesl I ntii often taken for my papa."
I.lfn.
Klin roriiit ttin llnir.
"Heo nnytliliiitof my husband P domnndest
11 Bloux Knlls woman 0110 day this wook of mi
ofllcvr in front of tho hmUiI11oi
"No, iiia'aui; has ho dUippoartMl mysterl
ously T1
"Nivwl ho cnino down town tho sniuoas
usual this morning, but dinner has Ikxmi
ready nil hour, mid (I'm all getting cold, mid
lie Isn't Iwick yet."
"You havo U-i'ii to Ids ofllco, I supiiosor'
"No, sir, 1 haven't I'vo no tlmo to fool
nwny liKiklug for him there. Hay, Is thoro
n sick horso at nny of tho livery stablest''
"Not Hint I know of."
"Deon tiny dog flghta around lately P
"ITnvcii't hennl of 11 . ."
"Any ten cent show or tnrgot gun In
townP
"All gono, niadain."
"Any mnn hi 11 wngon Belling brass Jon
tlryP
"Hiiesjinot."
"No llro iinywhcro In tomiP
"No."
"No pools lwlng sold iinywhcro on sonio
horso rneo or trial going on in n justice
eourtl"
"Not nny."
"No man tolling medlciuuou the utiwt, no
circus hitU just jHisted anywhere, 110 woman
walliingn tight ropep
"No, not one."
"Wull, thnt'H jieculiar. I can't soo wliero
John can be."
"Thcro'd n couplo of Frenchmen with 11
tamo cliiuniiiou bear down on l'hllllps avo
11,10, madam."
"That' It-tliat'H it; I didn't think to ask
about tamo lienrs. While the potatoes are
getting ns cold as a stone he is down there
making til) n purse of 75 cents to km tho boar
climb 11 tclegrnph polo! I'll go down. You
Match mid see if ho isn't up to the houso in
side of ten minutes.'' Ashtabula Hi-corO,
Homethlni; Cmut In Store.
A big man rushed at 11 llttlo man at th.
ferry dock tho other day mid exclaimed:
"Hnl Now I've not you. I'm coiiie to
knock tho top of your head off."
"Coino on and try it," replied tho little
man ns ho got into position.
"You slandered mo," shouted tho big man
ns ho backed off a little.
"What of UP
"You've got to tako It back or get liked!
I'll glvo you I'll give you one week to take
it buck, mid if you don't do it I'll
"WhatP cried the little man ns ho ml
vnnced upon him.
"I'll perhaps extend the tlmo, but you'vo
got to tako it back."
"Hold on wnltl" shouted tho littlo man
ns he got his cont off, but tho big mail waved
his hand mid ran aboard the bout to call
back:
"Two weeks nnd not nnothcr dayl Then
propnro to get mauled P Detroit Kreo Press.
Tho Subject of tho I)j.
Tho poat, which erst Inspired tho poof lay,
And fumtsiuil fun for many a humorist's pea,
la browsing on tho Kreen hlllsMo today
Serene, unnoted by the funny men.
Once an ltn)ortant nlclio ho lived to fill,
Twos whon tlui humorist to wrlto bepui,
And then ho chowed tho flaitilnj; circus bill
Ami eko tho succulent tomato can.
No more ho playfully assails tho maid
Who goeth to tho woods to Rattier nuts;
No more are children by his pranks dismayed,
No more the dude iu country lanes ho butts.
No more upon tho dump ho finds his food,
Or 011 tho hoosklrt works his iron jaw.
Tho goat has fallen Into desuetude
llcsldo the mother of tho cou-tn-law.
Iloston Courier.
llio Down Gnulo.
Clerk Perambulators! Yes, sir. Wo hnvo
just got lu a now stock, satin lined, silk
trimmed, silver plated iron work, full jow
eled handle, ox, otily fW. Step this way,
please. First child, I suppose!
Customer No; soventli.
Clerk Oh I John, show tho gentleman
those latest improved 10 baby "coaches."
Cartoon.
Oooil lUuwnliic.
An Indian fisherman iu offering n string of
tlno brook trout was asked, "what's your
pricol"
"Ono shilling, ono fish," was tho answer.
"Hut thero Is a little ono I n shilling for
thntl"
"Suro," ho quickly rejoined, "Just as hard
tocatehhlmos a. big one." Youth' Coin-
paulon.
As to tho Clear, Yes.
"Hub, is that your first!" ho nsked of a
uowsboy who sat on the ostofllco steps
puffing, away at u weed which gave forth it
rank odor.
"Yes, It' my first real cigar," wns tho re
ply, "but I kin lick any boy of my siro, and
I've chawed tcrbacker for a year!" Detroit
Freo Press.
KurprUlnc.
A Bt. Louis boy, nged 1 1 years, tins recov
ered from a severe attack of hydrophobia,
His physicians were thunderstruck because
their attempts at euro did not, ns usual, re
sult iu deuth. Milwaukee Wisconsin.
She Couldn't.
"I cannot tlug tho old songs." ,w
Bho tang: They found It (rue,
Blio-could not slug tho old tone,
Nor could she slug tho new,
Iloston Courier.
Tho Worst Always Ilappous.
"I'm so scrry you spilt tho ink," said tho
poet' wife. "Has it gone over your poem!"
"No, confound It!" returned the poet, sadly,
"It went over my postage stamps." Life,
I At
$STrt-'
'1 hit (.'opinio Iti (tenti'il.
Yo.us ngo, wh'-i the M.lVmrv Tn" 1'. :i
Jmira ivere Rtru,;glliir fir pupular rrro;
tlllioli, they ft'llliil IIii'.iiIm o.ioi!( 01 a
MlMl'sippi river iteniiiic In Hyiiiilnry i'h
tresi. 'lliey wiintiil in eaeh 11 (Titniu loivu
n bundled inllei mvny luit the sum tfthetr
rash ns baivly nullU'i"Ut to ikiv their way
to thollit station, lost than twenty miles ;
distant from lliu stnrtlnir iKilnt. Nate Hals
bury, whoMiroiirngo had noirr fallisl In (plto
of the company's long and iinsiioivssful fight
with malignant fate, tried to "liraeo" tho
captain of tho steamer to carry them to their
next stand, hut Hint olllolal unsgrull and
obdurate, not to say flinty heart od.
"No, slrl" ho thundered. "Ashoro you koP
And the jHxir wandering minstrels Middonly
found thcmsolves on the wharf with ha mid
baggage, scrip mid serippago. Tho boll rang
ami just n the wheels began to turn tho
members of tho company waived ndlois to
the steamer mid struck up, loud mid clear,
tho song!
Wo putted by tlio rlier, you ami I.
It wns too much for the captain, beneath
whoso f row uiug exterior was n heart of gold.
Ho swung his boat up to tho wharf again,
took tho wliolo pnrty on board, treated them
to tho best ho had mid llnnlly lauded tlum at
tho point they most desired to reach. Do
trolt 1'reo I'rct.
tlo Knew Himself,
Ono of tho patrol force arrested a citizen
living nwny out tlrntlot avenue the other
day, mid just us they were ready to leave the
homo lie said 1
"I ought to put tho bracelets on, I suppose,
but if you will promise not to glvo me any
trouble I won't expose ) 011 as r. prisoner."
"I'll promise," lepllcd tho man. They hud
only started, howovor, when ho nddedt
"Hay I you'd liettcr put 'cm on."
"Hut you promlkod."
"Yes, I know, but 1 mil probably tho big
gest liar In Detroit, and you can't tntst me.
I'm already wondering if I could outrun
you."
"1'ut '0111 on," said tho wife, who stood by
with a Binllo. "Jim is 11 good fellow nnd ft
good hushnnd, lint ho hain't told the truth in
twenty-five years."
"You see," continued Jim, tu tho bund
cuff were nunpped on, "I know myself nnd I
don't want to take nny unfair ndvnntngo.
Now eomo oil and I'll behavo myself."
Hut ho proved himself n liar by running off
with tho handcuffs. Detroit 1'rce l'rcfv
Ho Couldn't Aeeotint for II.
i:il'''Ji'
1-m.
B
u-r " -
Lushlnzton (who started to climb tho
crosswny gato just as it rises) Great.
smokol IIojio I may b' ilro-.vn'il 'it over seo
such n bloomlii' high fence; nnd seems to mo
she' still 11 growl ii'. Judge.
ritllni; no (Inter.
"I want," said n new customer tho other
day in ono of our rough nnd ready, dUU
banging rcstaurauUi,whoro tho waiter chucks
your plato on tho table before, you with n
"takothut nud bo blowed" bort of nil" "I
wnnt," said tho customer, "a beefsteak,
pretty well done, but not too well done; just
browned n llttlo on both sides, nud plenty of
butter gravy nnd n cup of coffee without
milk, but you may bring some milk in n
pitcher with It. Will you remember, wait
crP Hut without dclKuing any reply tho
waiter stalked off and bawled into the kitch
en: "A beefsteak, gilt edged, and a cup of
coffee, milk outsider' Now York Star.
A Hunt Case.
First Hurglar What becamo of your
brother Hillfj
Second Burglar Hill didn't turn out very
well. He'tf gono to tho bad, jlst robs folks
i ight and left; ioor folks, too, miud ye,
"Poor folksP
"Yea, oven jwor folks. I'vo pled with Dill
over an' over ng'in to go Into honest burglar
in' llko us, and not rob any one but rich
folks, but Hill he's got so hsrd ho won't listen
to the volco of humanity no moro."
"By Jinks! What' his layP
"Ho'a n Chicago grain operator." Phila
delphia Record.
IIo Slioulil llino Ik-gun Turller.
Ho had passionately declared his lovo.
"You aro too lute, George; too late," mur
mured tho girl. ,
"Too latoP he exclaimed with an ngoulz-
lug cry. "Is it possiblo that you loe
another! '
"No, George; but It Is nearly 13 o'clock,
nud I hear pajxi at tho gate." Life.
A Domctitlo l'u try Ttile.
Wifo Toast nil right, darling! Husband
Dono to n turn, wt. Wife How (henltates.)
how is tho coffeof Husband Perfection.
Wife (tremblingly) Not so good ns your
mother used to make! Husband (calmly)
Sly mother never know how to mnko coffeo
at nil, precious.
Tho Miuhcr In Unchiml.
London Mnshcr My dear Miss Rustic, you
have tho most blooming cheeks I havo over
seeii; let me congratulate you.
Mk3 RiiEtlc Well, you havo tho most
blooming cheek J hnvo over seen; but I can't
cougrntiilftto you on the fact, Now York
Tribune,
That's It.
"What Is ho writer's cramp!'' nsked a
Pittsburg paper. You work for six months
on n mnuuscript, scud It off nnd havo It re
jected flvo or six times, figuro on It to buy
your winter's fuel, nnd you w ill find out nil
nbout cratniw. Detroit Freo Press.
Huil llcuril ol tho Hook.
Clerk nt leading bookstore Whnt can 1
okow you, sir!
Intellectual Looking Customer I'vo heerd
a good deal nbout a now book called Robert
L. Smear. Got It! Chicago Tribune.
No Inceptions to This.
Writing for tho niaguzlncs is n burinesa
that always yllds big returns. Llfo.
Might lie Worse.
Token u a hole, the Iwro of a flftcti : lunJi
mn la not had. Washington CritV.
.in " - )
in,
ILflfill &ut Tuft XHt CAM I
( '' '
J
1 j flpffty 1
I'ZS
Ktrellent duilcnient.
"What do you think of tho now nrrlvnl,
rrofessor UgpuglyP
"I'vo tiovcr hoard liluiierfnriii, Imtl know
that ho has splendid judgmeu) In musical
matters."
"How do you kuowP
"When wo weront tho gathering at Hpln-
pcr'g lust ovenlng ho was tho llrut to request
mo to sing." Lincoln Journal.
A Itcinixlj-.
mZ
IS - - "s.V
Harry Why, Tom, what In goodness' 1101110
hnvo you got In our trousers?
Tom Dear inol 1 was in hojics it wouldn't
Iw noticed. You sie, I've U-eu out to the ball
ground nil day, nnd that means 11 thrashln'
when I get homo; so I Just put 11 tin saucepan
where 1 fancied it would lie of tome use, but
I'm afraid dad's eyes 'II be ns sharp as your'11.
-Life
A Singular Mini.
On n linker street car the other day n man
who had taken n car ticket from Ills wnlkt
dropped tho "leather" on tho floor nt his feet
In trying to replace it In Ills pocket. Three
or four passengerH saw tho transaction, but
no 0110 had said n word, when tho loser dis
covered Ills loss nnd stnrted up and sat down
in disgust.
"Anything wrongP nsked n passenger.
"Yes; wallet is gone."
"Probably picked out of your jKiekotP
"No. I guess not."
"Don't you stisect somo 0110 In this cnrP
"Oh, no, 1 probably dropped it on tho
stive t."
"Probably contained 11 hundred dollars,
didn't M'
"No."
"Much ns fifty. thetiP
"No. I guess thero wns alwut n dollar in
it."
"Dut you will stand off your gns bill nnd
wntcr tax mid grocer on account of it, of
eoursoP
"No, sir; I ihall pay everything today."
"Well, goshilarn-toRitm, if you nln't n
mighty (pioer man, mid here's your wnlletl
Bay, folks, let's present him a token of our
utter amazement."
And they bought liini six enr tlckcU and
offered to run him for mayor. Detroit Free
Press.
Oysters Are In Seiuoii.'
8I10 (blushlngly) Why do you
teeth are lll.u iuaili(
Ho (gallantly ) Hocause thoy uro.
say my
I can't
compare them with nny thing else.
Hho (Hiuillns) You uro iv llattcrcr,
I'm
afraid, George.
Ho (gravely) Flatterer! No. I only speak
tho plain and simple truth.
Bho And they uro really llko earlsl
Ho (emphatically) Thoy nrc.
Bho (with an arch glance) Do you know
what your reference to ciirls reminds mo of,
George!
Ho I can't say. What does It remind
you off
She Oysters. Boston Courier.
TliiK-n-llnn-lir-r-r-r-.
Tlroil Stranger ("4 o'clock a. in.) I'vo been
traveling slnco yestcrdny morning. Can you
give mo n quiet room whero I can sleop till
10 o'clock! Don't caro whero It Is, nor whnt
it costs, but want tho quietest room lu tho
building.
Hotel Clerk-Can fix you nil right, sir.
Hoys, show the gentleman to No. 68.
No. 83 13 11 cozy room 011 tho fourth floor
just opposite tho elevator, and tho stranger,
a clnss lender of sovoutecn vears' standing,
backslides hopelessly lieforij 8 o'clock. Chi
cago Tribuno.
How to Cork I1 It leal Prophets.
Blinks There comes Jinks. Let's get a way
from him. He thinks ho'ii n xliticnl prophet,
nnd does nothing but boro everybody ho
meets.
Kllnks Let him come; I'll shut him up llko
a jackknlfe.
"Eh! You won't threaten to strlko him,
will your'
"No; I'll offer to bet with bim. Phila
ilolphia Record.
I"or Onee.
Maiden Lady I think I uill visit a chirop
odist wliilo I mn in tho city.
Friend Havo you corns!
M. 1.,-No.
F. Bunions!
M. L.-N0.
F. Why, then, visit n chiropodist!
Jl. Ii. I want to havo it to say that I hnd
n man at my feet onco iu my llfo. Boston
Courier.
Likely.
Anows item kivh that amnio In Colusa
county, Cal.. "was struck by lightning nnd
paralyzed, but recovered nftor twenty-four
hours and was as frlsUy as over." It is not
stated what becntno of the lightning, but it is
iuferred that it is still lingering in u hospital.
Norrlstown Herald.
A Temporary Iian.
Chuniley I'm In 11 llttlo fix today, Brown,
for inonoy; what would you say if I wero to
nsk you for a temporary loan of n hundred
or two dollars!
Brown Well, Chuniley, if tho loan will bo
temporary, I might let you havo tho two dol
lars. Accident News.
When Tlmo nics.
Sweet airl Mercy I ft's 10 o'clock, nas
tlmo over passed so qu.-'kly with you ns it
docs now!
Dovoted Lover (a traveling salesman)
Nover, except at railroad dining stations.
Philadelphia Record.-
Accounted I "or.
"I no," remarked Withcrs,"that tho Prlnco
of Wnlcs wenrt u bind; silk libbon instead of
a watch chain. Funny, isn't itP
"Well, I don't know," returned Smlthcrs;
"porluips lies lost tho ticket." Judge.
An UiiKtmiiny Joke.
Mr. Khan, tho Persian minister, who has
arrived In Washington, w.ll doubtless form
n very favorable opinion of this country, if
ronto wretch doesn't nsk: "Can Khan daiico
tho can can!' NorrUtown Herald.
rioro Ilnhlt.
Phl'ndelphlr.n-Tlint Bt. fmls friend o
youni is tho most quiet, uuobscrvlug, unob
traslvo western man I ever nirt iu my life.
Bt. Inils Man Yes; ho usaiI to bo a po
liceman. Philadelphia Record.
Medical Pro;nvsa.
Young Doctor They don't bleed people
nowmlnya ns thoy did twenty years ago, do
tboy, professor!
ivofcuor Kot with tho lancet. Doctor.
XWU J9k. .
, N lMWFT?iTxr.
Hint Hie C'linnri'tlou.
"Is that chock good for nnytblngP nsked n
passenger off tho l.ako Shoio road of tho
M)llconuu nt the Detroit mil Milwaukee,
deK)t yesterday
"No, sir," replied tho ofllcer, nftor nn In
s)cclIou. "That's n coulldcuco man's check.
How much did you let him haveP
"Thirty dollars."
"Well, you havo liecn swindled. Didn't
you over read of their gnmosP
"Lots of times."
"And yet you wero rojK-d I11P
"Yes."
"I can't help you any."
'" I don't want you to. 1 wont you to look
ntthls."
He handed tho odlccr n parcel which, upon
iK'Ing oieued, was found to contain n largo
buneh of liuiiinn hair which had been pulled
out by t lie roots, together with n piece of n
ma-'i's ear.
"And count this," added tho man, ns ho
held out u roll of money.
"Hero uro (-70, mid what does it all meanP
asked the olllcer.
"I'm tho man that was swindled. This
truck liclonged to the chap who thought he
had caught 11 sucker. Bee the connection!
Closely observe my left eye. See any icpiash
In there? Feel of my head. Any soft spots
any w hero mound Trn-la, old boy, nnd tell
'em not to weep for yoitrn truly!" Detroit
Freo Press.
HO Helped Him.
"Sny, pnrd, I'm starving. Glinino n dime
rorn meal, won tyerP ,
Tho nwaker was a sail eyed tramp. Tho
man addressed might have lioen oue'of tho
McAllister 400. Tho scion of aristocracy
glanced kcorufully at tho scion of poverty,
allowing his eyes to rest imfoudly upon tho
unshaven cheek and chin of tho hungering
soul.
"Hciih," ho said. "Hood's n quortali. 1
don't glvo a rap for youah hu'ngah, but full
tho snko of sasslcty go mid get slvi veil." Now
York Evening Bun.
A Good Mutt to Lend Hooks To.
Corklns Wl)odiuiks, 1 hnvo accidentally
lost that book I borrowed of you tho other
day. I'm nw fully sorry, for l" hadn't qulto
finished It You haven't another copy, havo
you!
Wlpedunks I hnvo not, Corklns, but (sug
gestively) thero Is 11 bookstore next door to
my office.
Corklns (considerably rclloved) Th&t's
lucky. You can get nnothcr ono without any
trouble. Ill call around to-hiorrow. Splendid
book, Wiiedunl.s. I wouldn't miss rending
it for 8100. Chicago Trlbuno.
Tuning tip llio Threuil AriiIh. ,
Thero had lieen 11 riiuuway. . A pair of .
horses wero down, n carriage smashed to'
pieces, and the driver ntul a lady lay croan-
Ingon tho grass with their hints, llio street
car stopped and many i;ot off to render aid.
Among those who stood on tho rear platform
wero two ladies, ono of whom held up her
bauds in horror nud cxclnimo I:
"Mercy on inol but what an nwftil, nwful
nffnlrl How loin? did you ay you boiled
your grajH) Jelly, Miu SmithP Detroit Freo
Press.
A Wearing ItespoiisllillKy.
Dlshop (to Pat, returning from work)
You look tired, Pat.
Pat 01 mn, son". It's a harrud day I'vo
hail, sorr, as foreman o' tho gang tin
straight hours.
lllshop Ah, Pat, woall havo to work hard
iu this world. I often put in eighteen hours
n day.
Pat Yis, your rlvlrcuco, but your
wurruck is nlsyloike, nnd clone, nnd yo'a
hoscnt nny responsibility. Now York Sun.
Too Much rxtruragnnco.
A papier mncho figure of n dudo was on
exhibition nt u recent stnto fair. It was n
valuable instructor to tho farmer, who con
sidered It qulto ns much of n curiosity ns tho
mammoth squash, and somo grangers mis
took it for a new brand of scarecrow; but,
after ull, it was n great wasto of papier
machc, mid state fail's should not encourago
such cxtru aguncc NorrUtown Herald.
A Genius for Advertising.
A doctor In nn Ohio town, who lives on n
street leading to tho cemetery, ban n rever
sible blgn. Usually the sign presents his
umno mid ofllco hours',; but when n funeral
passes, ho turns it over, nud then tho follow
ing legend is displayed: "Not my patient; I
euro nil who follow my directions." Now
York Tribune,
Heart rcntllug.
Miss Eva Ready (who has been spending
tho summer on n farm) Wo had a terrible
earthquake out iu tho country.
Miss City Tied Indeed I
"My, yes; 1 heard Mr. liny Bocd, whero 1
was boarding, tell his wife that all tho corn
was shocked. Drake' Magazine.
Accommodations for llotli.
Occupant (of Boston herdic, to driver) I
say, driver, I paid you doublo fnro to drlvo
slowly!
Driver YU, sgrr;. bat tho other glnt paid
mo doublo" faro o drlvo fasht. 0111 drlvo
fasht lialf way, nu'.slow tho other half. Get
er lang there. --Tiij jpoch.
A Little Commission.
Bho (on board tho yacht J'jcctwlug) 'What
uro thoy doing, LlouU GoldbraUU
IIo They nro neighing tkp unchor.
Bho Oh, uro they! Would you mind ask
ing how much it weighs? I am so Interested
in everything of a nautical nnturo, The
Epoch.
A Chicago I'rcntt.
Chicago Man (en Chestnut street) That
gentleman I Just boned tp Is ono of tho most
remarkable men iu Chicago.
Fhihulelphiau-Eh? Ii) whnt way!
"Ho was born .there," Philadelphia Rec
ord. Too Much Iletter Than Not Unougm
I
Stout Old Lady (to drugKUt'a boy) Boy,
d'yo kec(i a jireiiaratlon for reducln' tho
weight!
Boy YeVm.
Btout Old lvuly-Wcll, I don't eggsactly
how much I ought to git.
Boy (din; iiosiugly) Better tnko all wo've
got, ina'atu, Harper's B.iznr.
Diayago anOovirg
OI.1VKR MAGOARI)
Desires lo Inform the public t'mt bis e.piip
incut for moving Household (i.od,l'lui(M
Safes. Mnrcliandlse, lb-ivy Machinery,
etc., Is the best In the city ' Spccl.il men
and wagons are kest for the removal o
Pianos and Household Goods,
Willed arc ntwnys dandled by conipctant
nud experienced help, niul the latest appli
ances used for handling Safes and older
heavy goods. Cnll, address or telephone
OMVKR MAGGARI)
Telephone in 917 C) d.
Fremont Elklion & Mo, Valley
Trains leave 10.1!a 111. nud I'J.IOp.in
Tun Iti.Riions Vam.ry Link.
To freo doilies In Northwestern Nebraska nn
Southwestern Dakota.
Totfio'lllnek Mills and the lfut Springs.
To Central Wyoming "onl ami on llelds an
cattle ranges.
To Chlenijo and the East.
To Ht. Paul, tho North nud Northwest.
For fiirihcrdiifonnntion Inquire of
. , OKO.N. lOItlMAN, Agent.
il.liMiulh 10th street, . Lincoln
W. F.FiTcn, ' J.'U. IhtjiuNAN,'
tletieral Jl'ger.' . (!en'l Pass. A?'t
MIsHottrt Valler. loivn, . .
CAHTAt. NATION M.nANk
nrAt.HtocK jooo.ooo'
aW Mustier. 1'riwliijiit.ciW J ". Wabrtii.V. Pre
It. C. Uuill, CusMer, 1
T "1
N. R. HOOK, IvLDj..
diskask.s of womkn. "' "''
Jrinary and-Recta; Diseases a: Specialty.
Treats reetubllscni-cs by IlItlNKDIUIOPF
PAlNI.liSS SYSTKJ1, Oniee, rooms !!, island
121 Itwr lllticlc. Twelfth hmroVireets. Onico
leli phone Ml, HcsidcnwIMS (iBtrueU-'rii'ir. &
Ofllco hours, 0 ,to is! a.m. U to 6 nudum A i in
sundsys, totolt n. m
11 1 . " '-
G.A.SHOEMAKBR,ED.
: HorncBopailiist Pliysician,'
Telephone No 6S5.
C- South 1 ltd Street, Lincoi m
Nk.ii
UNPRECEDENTED ATTRACTION
Over a Million Distributed.
IG3L'1
Louisiana State Lottery Conip'y.
Ineorporiitiil bythe I.eglslatiiro lu IS,'H for
Kiluciilloiiiil iindclinrltiililo ihmiiokc, itinl Its
frnnelitxemaden part of the present statu
eotiHtltuiloii In I87U by 1111 overwhelming jMip
ular vote.
Its Grand Kxtrnordlnnry Drawings take
place Semi-Annually (June and Decem
ber), and its Grand Single Number Draw
ings take place on each of the other ten
months of the year, and are atl drawn in
public, at the icadciny of Music, New
Orleans, La. "
"We 1I11 hereby eirtlly that mo supervise
tho nrriiiiKciut'MlK fur nil the Mmitlily 11 tic I
-ciiil-Aiiniiiil lrnwliiis of Tho I oulslniia
Stnto I ultery iiiupiiuy. unit In person iiian
ago niul enntliil the DrawliigN tlieinselM'N,
mid thin the inimi are loniliielid with 'him-
oKty, inlrnenK, mill In unnd Inltli towaril nil
parties, ami we aiilhorletlio ('01. .puny to use
(tilHi'crtlllcuto, Willi du--KliiilllCMI our Hlgnit
tures attnehiil, In Its advertisements."
. We, the undurclgiipil I auks mul Hunkers
will pay all prlCH drawn In the Loplsluun
stnto Lotteries, which may lie prosonUd at
our counters.
It. M. WAI..M8I.BY. Pioh'I Loulsanu Nat H'k
PIKItltr. LANAl'.X, PreH.!-tuto Niitiomil H'k
A. BALDWIN, Pros. NeW OiIi-iiIih Null lhilik
CAltl. KOHN, Pros, t'lilon Niittoiinl Hank
GRAND MONTHLY DRAWING,
la the Academy cf Mct'c, Hiw Orltans,
Tcerday, ovcn:lcrl3. 1888,
Capital Prize, $300,000.
l(iO,000 Tickets ut Twenty Iiollurs ouch.
Halves, 110; (Quarters, T1; Tenths M; Twenti
eths ft-
LIST Ol I'lIIZKH.
1 lMlI.KOrta0.(t()!K
1 I'RIZH III' lno,(ls
I PK1.KOF MXH)I
1 Pltl.KOF '.'.r.,X Is ...,.,. ..
JPIIIIISOF lO.UiOmi),
fi I 1 1 1 i:s ( V i,( on a ro. '.'. ; . . . .
jr. Pltl.l'S III' I,l1lirn
Ill) PKIZIXlF fiunre
Jim PlllKSdl'' iJHUiro
an) I'HIS'.KHllF 'JiHiaio
Al'I'llOVUIATION nill'K
nn Prizes of Viti nro
100 do. .inn lire
110 do. 'J (I uro
TCUMIS.M. I'llI.MK.
t!"(x.(.ro
1110.(00
ro.do
'J.'l.lKK)
ayK)
Jfi.tMH)
'.ri.imo
rx.oiKi
(,0.IK 0
lOU.IKO
Wl,l(l
WMtO
ai,(wi
ICI.ttKI
W,W)
dotl do. Km me
V.H do. 10) lire
,l,i:il Prizes, nmouutliiKtu l,(i.r)l,K)0
gf For Club ItntcHor nny other desired
Inioriiiutlon, write leullily to the underslKnod,
elenrly stiitlnir your residence, with Slate,
Couniy, htreenuid Number. Mine riipld ie
turn mull delivery will be nssuii il by your en
cIiihIiik nn hnvelopo huirlui; your lull nd-
hen'il POSTAL NOTKH, Hxpress Money Or
ders, or Nt w York Kxchiinije lu oullniiry let
ter, end curieney l,y i:.pnss (nt our ex
pense) uddresied M. A. DAUPHIN,
New Orleans, l,u.
Or.M. A. DAl'PHIN,
WmdilniMou, D. C.
Address Registered Letters to
'l.W (Ull l.ANHNA'lIONALHANIC.
) ' iw Orlinns, I u.
REMEMBERSaiK
enardiind Knrly, Mini me In i tmruo nt Iho
iliuvtliiKK, iHiiuiiiiriiuli-i "' al'K'lute lalniiKs
and Inlem Ity, that Ihe i hnncj s are nil eqiiiil,
and that no ono ciin possibly divine v Iitit,
number will draw ii prize. , . , ,,
ItK.MF.MIIKH nisi. Hint the payment '"
Prizes Ik Biiiiinnteidliy Four Niillonul IIiiiiKh
of New Orleans, nnd the tickets are sIkiu d liy
Ihe Piesldentol nn Iiixtllullon. hose char
tered I'lKhlH aro reenunliri-d In the lilKhest
courts; thenfore, licwaie of any liulliitloiiHiir
iiuoiiymoiih sclunifH,
COI.N
V-
Q(&m
'eaef
ASD IVHTITUtlJlll' rUMHSsllir,
Sliorllmnd und T) H-vrillni;. Il't snd Inrmnt eolleco
In llio west. Ul HO- ids primrnl fnf IhisIimsh In Irmn
3 low mo n l lis. IiiUiv tltiul Inttriii'lliiii. 1 i,.l iiixi ox
peril need faculty, feint for colluo Journuli uml
IIKICtUKIlS'lf JKMimSllsllllltO ,
ULMIUUDUK & tlOOSr,. I.'neolu, He''.
zMmu
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