m
1
i
it-
Wneekw
nERflLB
in i .NF.gii.u:i rou
S!
PER Y EAR
Eit lanje pa5
r niisl evnv wo
evnv week with riirrfuui roiliTIM
new', correct uuirktt reports
IllMCllntKlllll
Tim ilhutrolis
ilNitiitvn nlir.ictiil unhrrtiil mln,
litirrtwunii ii-iimit,
nix'i'lul nil.
HI! HKIt.
Al.li H tilrtiintn mi.illlntr tluMOftf nnv nthi r hiw
iMr. Nw lixituremin' ttrlnu n'liliM from time In
line, nnl rontlnnnllr Inrnwv. tho Interest In .tli
mmn rlrolx. Iln mim id HKN1) lull A KIlKi:
MAMI'l.l. COPY Iwfnr mitmcrllilntt fur nny other
nowspapor. AlIlti:s-t
CUIOACIO WEEKLY HKRALD,
Chicago, III.
CMo-ib"' Ho-'l M'trnlutt .""fcwuBipjr li
TI-IB
DAILY
HERALD,
Q PAGGS FOR 2 CTS
hold by nrwimf n everywhere or m-nt liy mull (or
N) Cents iwr iiiunlli. ADDIIKSS
THE aUIOAQO HICRALD,
I'.ll A 1MJ Klflh-AV.. UUIUAQO.
JAMBS W, OOOTT, PubllBhor.
OThoBUYimB'ClUIDBIa
Issued Mnrah and Bopt.,
onolt yonr. It is nn onoy
olopodla of usotul Infor
mation for nil who pur
ohaso tho luxuries or tho
nooossltlos or llfo. Wo
can olotho you nnd fiirnliH you with
nil tho nooonsary nnd unnocossary
nppllnncos to lido, walk, dnnco, nlcop,
cat, nU. hunt, work, ito to church,
or ntay nt homo, nnd In varloun uUo.i,
Mylos unit quantities, Just llguro out
what is requlrod to do Ml thoso things
COMFORTABLY, nnrt you onn mnkoafalr
estimate of tho vnluo of tho I1UYEHB'
dUIDE, wrhloh will bo sont upon
rooolpt of 10 oonU to pny posUgo,
MONTGOMERY WARD & CO.
1U-114 Michigan Avonuo, Chicago, 111.
'TIM !"
The lust Illustrated humorous newspn
tier. Tito effect of the Illustration Is
iiciglitciwd l.v the use of four color. AImi
ii luted on coaled paper.
Time is Staunchly Republican
It vigorously nihocntcs the maintain
mice of n protective tariff; mul It speaks In
no unccitnln voice forUcpuhllcnn princi
pled, nnd for doctrines of the party ns set
forth In the Hcpubllcnn platform of 18SS.
Such ti paper, spcnklng directly to the
eye ol the voter directly through lt situ
p'ennd pownful cartoons, n well ns to
the mind through its editorials, w III he of
positive value to sou during the present
campaign.
This being n campaign of education, In
which It Is necessary to tench the voter tho
plain facts of the tltuntlon by every menus
within reach, a paper such ns TIM ft should
be found weekly In the rending room of
every Republican club In the country,
Single copies, ten cent each; subset lp
Hon, 3 mo., $1.35; 6 mos., $3.50; one yenr
$5.00; sample copv by request. Ask your
newsdealer for TlMh.
TIME PUBLISHING CO.,
14 & 16 Vcxey street, New York.
E. T. ROBERTS & SON,
Undertakers and Embalmeis.
212 North nth Street,
AYImlMir Hotel Annex,
Telephones, Ollicc 145. Residence 156.
Open Day nnd Xlglit.
Reopened 1033 O Street.
Notwith
standing tho
fact that Pho
tographs havo
been red u cd
to nbout half
tho former
price wo hnvo
exgaged tho
scrvlecsof ono
of tho best fin
ishers lu Now
York to tnko
charge of that
department of
the studio. Our
etrorts shall bo
untlrlHg to
glvo each cus
tomer ontlro
satisfaction
and to produce
superior work
to any wo hnvo
done before.
Cabinets, $3 per Dozen.
jK.fiJ
lkv PKffrPrRn
xZKwtK5E
A VEHSATILE FATHEfl.
tTtr.r Ho Told tho (J nod Nnws to I'lraM
Kvcrjbody.
Young Cliubblns uni n fntlicr. In I1I1 Joy
ho hnd lorgotten most everything but (lint
oiufnct, Huddenly ho thought It would lw
well to notify his peoplo.
A nice discrimination Ind to lw exercise!
In nildix-siliij tho vnrlom relatives. Uuclo
Anion, for lintniire, wm n Jolly old tout, who
would tnl:o kindly to n Jikwo nnnmuieeiiiont;
Cousin Mnrln, 011 tlio otlirr liniid, wns of u
t erlous, 0110 may oven say n noveru tin 11 of
mind, mid ns M10 was O'J, 11 spinster, mid well
Hhluncd of worldly goods, nnd ns Mn.
Cliiibblns wns her next of kill, It behooved
young Cliuliblns to huvo n enro how ho tij
proaelied nny subject w lilt her, milch 111010
nu niinouneeuipiit of tin) ndvout Into this
sorrowing world of another Buffering mor
tnl. Tho I'lgKlntes, now, nnd Mehltnblu Mo
Wlinrten, would not mind hnw tlio matter
nm broached, provided tlioy had prompt
mul liimicdlatouou. Willi conlldrnco that
ho wna eipinl to tho tnsl:, young Cluibbltis
ran I1I1 Angers through lila hair, nlmrponod
his (iciicll, mid "daslicd o(Y" tho followliigi
Dear Unclo Amos,
Iloholil 1110 ramoiul
1 mil n fntlicr,
Ami I uoutil rattier
Ilo tlmt than ldtit
Or nil) ttittitf.
It Is n lioy,
Howlslmsjoyl
Mother mid clillil oro 1I0I11R well,
AmltlinlUnll 1 linvotolcll.
Ivor Cousin Marin, t hasten to nay
Tho Cruitililnscs mini tier Ihreo nentoin today.
Tho now oiirt oti lioth of us cnsllt rullocls
(Iln'd l) nniiicd nflcrjou, If It weren't for his
box);
llo npiH'ntvil on tho sectio nt nquarter ast cltfht.
And ho and till mother uro dolug first rate.
"It might hnvo been hotter to work blank
verso on her," reflected young Cliubblns,
"but 1'vo given lur tho sumo motor ns 'Tlio
Assyrian ennio down hko n wolf 011 tho fold,'
which Is 0110 of hor fnvorites. I guess It'll
go." To tho KlgKlnsos ho wrotot
Come, flro tho bolls, and ring tho guns
And IlInK the lly liaiulamia out;
Wo'vo got n iKiuncInf, ten X)iind boy,
And that, you kco, Is why I shout.
Como one, vomo nil (somo weoka from now),
And frnio upon his placid brow:
Or It yon enro for oonietlilng chotco,
l'dy closo attention to his oleo.
Tlila was tils misslvo to Moliltnbloi
My dear, old friend, Melilt
Alel, 1'vo nows, lo wit;
Tho' yesterday we'd nono
Today wo lia o n son.
No mnttcr w hqt they say,
You'ro welcomo, nuy day.
"Tlicre," nlgheil young Cliubblns. "That'll
fetch 'em. I feci hotter." Tablo Talk.
Tlio Correct Version.
Mrs. II. Nornh, did Mrs. lllchly leavo nny
messago when you told bcr I wns not nt
homo I
Nornh No, ma'nm, sho didn't; but sho
looked very much pleased. Ufe.
Not In (lood Hrnltli.
Citizen (to Unclo Rnsttis) You seom
to
rcllsu that melon, Unclo Unstini.
Uuclo Itnstus Yes, snh ; it um onoobdo
fines' Iso ctt ills yeah.
Citizen Ilut you nro not looking very
well.
Unclo Itnstus No, sah; I don' feel worry
peart, fo' or fao'; I 'specs It ntn do mlllyun I
ett las' night. Now York Bun.
Vivid, Certainly.
"Yes," said ArtU, "I havonlmost flnlslioil
mypnlntlngof tho 'Group In Shook1"
"What's unfinished yctl" Inquired Amor.
"I don't know what to put In tho fore
ground. Mephlstophcles H not Infenia'i
cnouglu"
"Well," mid Amor, whoso licst girl hns a
llttlo brother, "you might uso n small boy."
Time.
limine.
Irritated Fronchmnn (to Ainorican wlvo
lias taken him for n wniter) Sirr, you lnvo
gr-rrossly Insulted mo. Tbcro Is my canl.
My ccconds vlll valt upon you, slr-pr.
Anicrican Nover mind your keconds,
Fa'nchy. You can wait upon mo just ra
well, l'ass mo tho Worcester snucc, and bo
quick about It. San Francisco Wasp.
In tlio Courso of Ycnrs.
Citizen (to old engineer)! b'poso in j-our
loug llfo on tho road you havo met with mora
or less, mishaps!
Old Engineer Oh, yes; lots of 'em.
Citizen Probably run over dozens of peo
ple!
Old Engineer (with pride) Dozens!
run over hunilrcdsl New York Suu.
I'to
Should Hnvo Snld "GcnU."
That was n contradictory tort of an cITu-
blon written by n discharged clerk to his
former employers:
"Sept. 1, 18S8. Itoo&Doo: Gentlemen
You nro no gentlemen. Respectfully yours,
Jons Smith." Harpor's Ilazai
Absorption.
Ncit to tho small boy on the front scat at
a baseball game, tho most rcmarkablo caso
of absorption wo over saw was that of a cat
which stepped on somo Halting sawdust lu a
mill pond, with tho impression that it was
solid. Onco n Week.
Not So Had.
Hobbs Thero goes u man w ho has buried
fifteen wives.
Mrs. Hobbs For heaven's sakesl What Is
ho! Acecond Illuoboard!
Hobbs No, an undartaker, Detroit Frco
Tress.
Its Hay Out.
Customer (to waiter) Somo cheese, please,
"Walter Dog pardon, sir; very sorry, sir.
Chccso out, sir.
Customer That sol AYheu do you oxpect
it bnckf-LIfe.
Good for Tramps.
Tho latest fad is that stockings must match
tho color of tho shoos. Whllo this lasts
tramps will bo in tbo height of style, Onco
ft 'Week,
Tho Ways of Soma rcoplo.
Somo peoplo will ontcrnstoro not knowing
I what they want and to out kicking bocauso
1 .hoy didn't gtt tt. Ottawa Local Nows.
ON GCRAP BOOKS.
Hill Nya Itrlate HI I"irrlnen for
Header's llenrnt.
A eorrespomlent writes from IVnsneoln,
Fin., asking what Is xrfcctlou or tho nearest
tiorfrctlon In n scnip book, nlso desiring to
Know my own experience In sernp liooks, If I
over had nny.
A scrap tiook generally Is l'lio n illnryt you
lKgln to keep It with oxtrcino exuberance,
nnd you grnduolly Hag nud dicker out ttntl
lliimmlx, ns ouo might sny,
1 liegnn simply by ordering from my con
grewuiian nn rditioii do tuzoof tho reK)i t of
tho commissioner of tiluenllon, bound In
plain muslin nud lionrds. Taking n voltimo
of this kind to my nlry suit, of hall bedroom
nnd woodliox, with tho keen blndo of u
butcher knlfo 1 cut out two lea vw mid left a
third all tho way through without marring
thogeiienil plotof tholtook, This gnvu room
for imstlng oxeerpts nud other literary gems,
most of which inferred to myself, nml pre
vented that gem nil fullness w hirh would hnvo
resulted had 1 not dotio so,
Whouowirn Mor referred to mo I bought
somo coplos, nnd, having sent ono to my dear
ono, I rnivfully cut out tho oxecrpt from nn
other copy nnd panted It, by menus of somo
loud nnd cxtrouioly olTouslvu paste, on tho
ngc. Thus 1 lllletl nt last n whole voltimo
of tho ri'iHii ts of tho commissioner of educa
tion with paragraphs In which it was stated
with mora or less tyogrnphlcul liinceiirncy
that I was "hi town nud quartered nt Riley's
liotol," or that I was "on our streets," or that
1 "shook hands with friends hero yesterday,"
or that I was "attending tlio quarterly con
ference in town," ninl many other state
ments which would bo Invalunhlo us icfer
enecs In futiiro years. 1 nlso hnd n much
lnrgcr book In which I kept tho ndverso crit
icisms of tho press, paragrnphs lu which
I wns nlluded to (is "tho intollcctunl
wnrt on tho editorial pngo of Tho
Sassafras Commonwealth," nnd "tho
Ilea bitten fugltlvo from justlco who
edits tho porous plastor ncross tlio street."
Whenever my feelings wcro wounded I put
tho Itom In tho lnrgo book nnd kept It whero
my children could boo It when I shouldrcst
from my lnltors forever. 1 thought It would
teaeh them humility and really do them
good. Tlio other book I used to keep on tho
center tablo for tho uso of visitors. If I had
n visitor who had tho habit of putting lu n
day or two nt n tlmo conversing with mo
nbouthlnikolf I generally nsked him toglnuco
over this scrap book, nnd whllo ho wns doing
bo 1 would slip out nud tnko n train for somo
other point. It is u good plan.
Just keep nn egotistical ecrnp book, using
tho sourest nasU you can procure, nnd whon
Lniiinii Insists on giving you largo bales nnd
mowsful of Information about hlmsolf whon
you would rather convcrso about votirself,
hand him this liook to entertain himself with
cud thou you can gently oozo out UiobIiIo
door nnd go to tho remotest parts of tho
onrth.
Finally I heard of n now patent scrap book
with ready gummed pages, nnd l bought ono.
Tho prleo was big enough for iv set of
Dickens, but I had heard that it wai a good
thing, nnd bo I got It. Then a period of hu
midity emtio nlong nud that book closed for
ever. It wouldn't open nuy more than u
mnrblo slnb.
1 waited till autumn and then got another
ono. My wlfn lllletl it full of nutumu leaves.
Thoy wcro not fully dry. Sho thon put a
heavy weight on tho top. Wo still havo tlio
Bcrap book nnd tho leaves, but tho book opens
with a tlmo lock, nnd tho tlmo sot for it to
open is n profound secret between Gabriel
nud his wife.
Lately I havo ndopted tho plan of purchas
ing Boveral thousand matilln envelopes, put
ting each uowspapcr clipping into ono of
thoso envelops, and then writing tho tltlo on
tlio outside, I thou hlro u houso nnd, by us
ing tho gummed flaps of tho en voloiws, fasten
them lu rows tastefully on tho Inner walls of
tho house, marking n general heading over
each row by menus of red chalk. This gives
tbo room n cheery nppenmnco, adds to tho
acoustics of tho houso nnd is certainly very
convenient Dy menus of u step ladder I nm
cnnbled to select anything I deslro rendlly,
nnd tho spneo usually fooled away and cov
ered by oxjkmsIvo but noii-romunoratlvo pic
tures is luado highly useful.
Sometimes I hnvo to hlro nn nmanuonslsto
do this work, nnd it is not dono tho soma
way I would do It myself. Last year I went
nwny for u few months to glvosome readings
in nld of n fowpoor children for whom I
feel myself responsible, nnd, whllo absent,
I had n young man named Pulaski Murkloy
nttoud to this. Ho wns very methodical nud
wroto n good hnnd, ns 1 afterwards learned
by comparing somo of my own signatures at
tho bank with somo btudles w hich ho hnd
mado of tho same subject. Thoy wcro bottor,
If anything, than iny own, I must admit,
nud tho cashier nt tho bank agreed with mo
about it,
Dut ho wns very methodical, Indeed, nnd
kept my bcrnp book carefully, according to
his own Ideas, llo camo from a summer re
sort cnlled Clilsol-'oin-out-of-thclr-oyo-teeth-hurst-by-tho-sen.
Ills father resided nt Up-
slx'lllghts.of-btuirs-au-tuo-lludsoti, nnd usu
idly spent his summers nt About-two-mlles-bohhiil-Ilunllck's-lath-lumbcr-and-shlnglo-mill
- cash - paid - for- hides - undcrtnklng-cm-balralng-and-lco-crcam-by-tho-sen.
Peoplo who camo from tbcro nlwnys think
thoy know nil about everything, nnd so I
allowed him to run my scrap book.
Last fall I had occasion to look for nn aril
cloon tho English colliery. For a week or
two I could not find it and probably would
never havo run neross it it I hndu't happened
to look ono day under tho heading of epi
demics. How fow people, oven if woll paid, can do
n thing Just exactly ta wo would do it our-selves.-Dlll
Nyo In Now York World.
Will Try It later.
A sclentlflo journal tells "how to light a
lamp with a snowball." Wo would llko to try
tho cxpcrlniout, but somehow snowballs ai
ecarco nt Pittsburg uow. PitUburg Chron-Icle-Telegrnpli.
It Hnd the Strength.
Dipt. Saltaorsa (to laudladj) Mrs. Hashed
tcr, canjou toll luo whero Icau pure-ham
largo quantity of this buttorl
Mr. Unshutter (gushlugly) Now, my dear
captain! What cau you want of a quantity
of tbst czcrllent butter!
Copt. S. 1 Intended arming myttinrlnci
with it iu pl.'.co of cutlasi,nstny oxrwicne
with It hero convinces mo it u gi xa thing
to repel boanltTJ. Judge,
LIGHTNING WAS NOWHERE.
Horr nn Imr.lnror Hot Abend of n Tlir.n
ilerliolt. "Whnt wns tho fastest tlmo you over
madoP nskeil Tho Talker of Johnnlo Uyers,
ono of tho best known engineers lu tho west
ern country.
"Well," ho returned, "I reckon a run of
forty inllos I mado on tlio North I'lntto end
of tho division wns tho slickest. You seo, I
wns scut out from Omaha with light englno
to pull lu n specinl director's car from North
I'lntte, nud whon I got within nbout fifty
miles of tho latter station I wns given nu
oiilcr to i mi regardless of everything other
trains wcro sldo tracked for me.
"I hadn't left tho station moro'n flvo min
utes before a henvy thunderstorm camo up
thoy do it nwlul quick out thero nnd mn
nnd my llrcmnn enjoyed the finest display of
llruworka j on ever see.
"All of n Midden Tom yells to mat
" 'Holy Mosesl 'I ho lightning's struck tho
track I Pull out, Johnnie, or we're dono fprl'
"1 looked back, and snru enough there
rnmonhtreak of lightning nlong tho right
tail headed for us. It was a kinder whitish
bluo sort of thing, nud wns humping nlong
llko it hnd n tlmo order.
"1 know thnt If it struck tho mnchiiin wo
was all gotio to tho sweet hereafter, nud I
pulled her wldo open.
"Well, tho old maclilnn scouicd lo know
tomctlilng was up, and sho avo a Jump liko
a scared antelope and olf ahead of tliat light
ning streak. At llrst tlio streak coined to bo
gaining on us, but after tho cngluo got good
and started, my, you ought to bco thodls
tnnco play out Mwccn us. Hut tho light
ning didn't seem to bo discouraged. It just
spit on Its hands and clawed along nfter us
llko n promissory no to after nu insolvent
debtor.
"Well, I seen something must bo done, but
couldn't mnko out how to do it. It was
plain that if this thlug kept up much longer
tho water nnd coal would glvo out, not to
ilcak of red lot journals. I Bays to Tom:
"'Ileavo away, now, with tho coal nnd
wo'll fool him,' and, although ho'd been heav
ing awny slnco tho start of tho race, that
seemed to help, for I could seo tho lightning
wns lngglug. Then I turned tho maehlno
over to him nnd crawled back on tho tnnk.
I had an Idea. Thero was a siding n fow
miles ahead, and if wo could mako It well,
you'll seo. Thero was n broken drawbar on
tho tank, nnd when 1 reckoned we'd got
nbout tho right dlstnueo I dropped it. I
could seo it rolling nlong for qulto a distance,
then I got back to tho ougino nnd slacked up.
"All of n sudden I heard tho most outland
ish rackot you ever heard of behind us. Then
tho air was full of splinters, ana when I
rolled back, suro enough tho drawbar had
fallen in tho switch I'd calculated on hitting,
nnd hnd mado Mich n connection with tho
main track that tho lightning had been
switched off mid had run down on tho siding
nnd Into two c u-3 of powder standing there.
I'm sorry I can't glvo you tho exact tlmo of
thnt ran, but under tho circumstances you
couldn't oxpect n man to hold n watch, now
could you!" Omaha Herald.
Not for Intrusive Hyrs.
"As you can only bo n, sister to me," ho
said, in broken tones, "will you let mo kiss
you good night!"
Sho shyly said sho would.
Then ho folded her in his strong arms and
gontly placing her head against his manly
breast, ho kissed her passionately.
"Mr. Samiwon," sho said softly, "this is nil
so now to me, so eo different from what I
thought it to be, that if you will glvo mo a
llttlo tlmo to to think it over, I I may"
Dut let us withdraw from tbo sacred scene.
Now York Sun.
Homcthliif; Serious.
Guest Lightning struck our hotel this
morning.
Frlcud Nothing 6crlous, I hopo!
Guest Yes, qulto bo.
Friend Indeed, how was it!
Guc3t Routed mo out nu hour earlier than
usual for breakfast. Chicago Trlbuuo
Tbo Inventor of Volnpuk.
"Volapuk, they say, Is a sort of u jurablo
of all other languages."
"So 1 bellovo."
"Who invented It, I wonderl"
"A restaurant waiter, probably." Lincoln
Journal.
Careful of tho Iloolr.
Young Author (making a call) I seo you
havo my uow book on tho table, Miss Ham
mendyl Miss Ilamincrsly Oh, yes, Mr. Preface,
and wo havo found it so interesting.
Young Author (taking tho book) I iiotlco
somo of tho lcavci uro not cut
Miss Hammcrbly Er no, Mr. Prcfaco; wo
nro careful to keep it fresh ns long as pos
sible. Now York Suiu
Popularity Variable.
Citizen That Johnny Wnrd is thodaudy
of 'cm all Ho outranks every player in tho
League.
Another Citizen I heard you bay yester
day that ho was not worth tho powder to
blow blm up;
Citizen Yes; but you should havo seen tho
stop ho mado today. Tho Ejioch.
Not to Ho Expected.
A child has bcou sent to congratulate his
grandmother ou her birthday, "Graod-
mammal" ho osclalnu, "may you Hvo until
tho end of yourdaysl' "Alasl" replies tlio
old woman resignedly, "ut my ngo, I cau
ccarcely expect to llvo ns loug as that."
EtaU Unls.
Not for Heading.
"You havo plenty of rending there," said a
visitor to tho literary oditor, pointing to n
pilo of books on tho editorial desk.
"They nro not for reading," answered tho
literary editor, "thoy uro for roviowlng."
Dostou Courier.
Didn't Enjoy tho Trip.
"How did you enjoy your trip abroad!"
was nsked of a Now Yorker.
"Doastly stupid time. 1 didn't seo n single
baseball game whllo I was cone." Judge.
Pelf Dcfenslvo Advice.
McPheot Uav yez a match, Dlnnlsf
Corrlgan 01 hovl
McPhoct Wull, thlti, light both Inds o'
(hot clgyar so' It won't lasht eo long I Judga
Hot Weather.
Bid Jones, of tbo JoITery Printing com
pany, wns yesterday entertaining a friend
who has Just returned from n summer spent
In Arizona. His friend told him thnt it had
been very warm out thero and thnt ho had
buffered intensoly from tho heat. At this Bid
marveled greatly, saying Hint ho had always
understood thnt tliosunumrs In Arizona wcro
delightfully cool, nud thnt n pair of blankets
wcro u necessity nt night, "No, you'ro
wrong, Sid," said his friend. "It unlawful.
Why, just to glvo you nu Idea of bow hot it
wns, wo had to feed our chickens cracked Ico
to prevent their laying boiled eggs." And SId
laid down his hand and quietly passed out of
tho t;nnie. Chicago Herald.
Curiosity.
"r&.
HOW tT WA3 l'UNISHED.
-Life.
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
Original Kicks Culled by Tlio Detroit 1'rco
Press.
Wo tnko tho following from tho last issuo
of Tho Arizonn Kickers
A New Depautuuk. Next week wo Bhall
begin tbo publication of nn agricultural do
pnrtmciit lu Tho Kicker, thus making a
year's subscription ten times ns valuable as
at present, without lucrensliiR tho costtosub
scrlbors. Wo hnvo mndo arrangements with
u tenderfoot who struck tho town without n
cent to tako churga of tho now department.
Ho Is a Bnllor by trade, nnd wo now havo
him out iu tho country learning tho dilTer
enco between a coyoto nnd a Hubbard squash.
Ho may mako n fow blunders on tho go off,
as ho Btlcks to It tflnt potatoes ought to grow
on trees, nnd thnt whent grows wrong end,
too, but ho is n hummer nnd will get there
by nud by. Remember, this dopnrtmont
does not increaso tho subscription prlcont
all. Wo nro simply trying to publish a pa
ucr worth 100 or year for $2. "
Come Again. If thero Isn moro courte
ous gentleman In nil tho great west than Col.
DiibllT wo should llko his nddress. Wo re
ferred to tho colonel tho other dny nsnn un
hung thief. It was only our way, but ho
took exceptions nud cnlled at tho oflleo on
Tuesday nnd knocked us down. Tho blow
was delivered iu tho most genteel manner,
and was not accompanied with nny verbal
utterances to shock our sensibilities. Neither
did tho colonel gougo our eyes or chow our
cars nfter wo wcro down. Ho was cool, calm
nnd composed, and wo freely admit that wo
got up with nu increase of CO per cent. In
respect for him. Our uoso wns skinned, nud
wo knocked an auction bill Into "pi" as wo
fell, but wo havo no grudgo to satisfy. Tho
colonel could do no less, nud wo nro thankful
ho did no moro. Wo shall bo pleased to sea
him again.
Thanks. Our thanks nro duo Mrs. Gen.
Shirt for n peck of beautiful onions, sent iu n
day or two ngo. Also, to Mrs. Judgo Hen
dricks for six toothsomo bnndwlchci nnd n
dozen pickles. Also, to Mnj. Hayes for two
jxiuuds of butter and a sllco of ham. It is
gonerally known that wo board ourselves, ami
our friends vlo with each other luloadlug our
tablo with delicacies. Wo pity tho mna
without frlonds.
P. 8. Subscribers will pleaso excuso tho
looks of Tho Kicker this week. Tho two
pounds of butter mentioned nbovo got mixed
with our ink by accident, causing tho latter
to run too freely. Wo havo added somn pul
verized clay to tho lot, and oxpect tho Ink to
stiffen up before our next Issuo.
A Nleo Cousinly Priscnt.
Young Lady (to cigar dealer) Havo you
tho "Fragrant" brand of cigars, sir!
Dealer Yes. mis3.
Young Lady How much nro they a Los!
Dealer Ouo dollar nnd a half a box, miss;
100 lu n box.
Young Lady You may glvo mo a box,
pleaso. Thoy nro n present for my my
cousin; Pvo often heard him say how fond ho
is of a fragrant Havana. Now York Sun.
A rcrmancnt Discovery.
"And so," said ho blttorly, when ho real
ized that tho had rejected htm, "and so you
hnvo been flirting heartlessly with mu all tho
while. Well, thunk heaven, I havo found
you out nt last."
"Yes," sho replied, "you have; nnd what is
more, I think you will always Hnd mo out
hereafter when you call." Somervillo Jour
nal. Dhappolntmuut.
Mrs. Dascom Did you seo tho mummy In
tho museum, Ebcnczcr!
Mr. Ilnscom Yn'ns, but I was kinder dls
nppointeil. Mrs, Dascom Why so!
Mr. Ilascom Why, tho durncd thing wns
dead. Exchange.
A Common Dlsensc.
A correspondent wishes to know If
"writer's cramp" is n common complaint
among thoso who corn their living by their
pen. It is, to n certain cxtont; tlio cramps
being usually folt In tho region of tho writer's
pockctbook. Pittsburg Bulletin.
Iluvciigo Is Sweet.
"I'll get oven with you somo day," bald
Dumley in a threatening tono of voice, "aud
don't you forget It."
"All right, Dumloy," was tho good naturod
reply, "I will writo n receipt any tlmo you
liko.'' Harper's Dazar.
Causo.
Ethel (shuddering) How tho trees moan
and sigh to-night I
Uobby (speaks whereof ho knows) Well, I
guess you'tl moan nnd sigh if you wcro ns
full of green npplcs as thoy bo. Dlngbam
ton Republican.
Snmo Thing Hotli Ways.
Teacher (rhetoric class) Miss Purplcbloom,
you may express tho thought, "Necessity is
tho mother of Invention," in different words.
Miss Purplobloom Invention is tho daugh
ter of necessity. Life,
Only Small Dowi Allowed,
DIckford Tlioy say that Smith Is going to
try tho mind cure,
Rogers Ho'll huvo to tako tho medlclno In
homeopathic doses Onco a Week-.
A Itlnglntr Answer.
notel Clerk (angrily) Why didn't you an
swer when I first inng for youf
Hell lloy (u ith 11 grin) Pleaso, sir, I slipped
tip on the bell pial. Hotel Mali
With th Ohllls Como Ills Hills.
H'Slt uumtner,
'"Vtur plummer.
Now York Ereulng Sun.
$0'
Dray ago andMoviai
3)
OLIVER MAGOARI)
Desires to Inform lu public tint Ills equip
inent for liming Household UoDJi,l'laiun
Safes, MnrchnmlUc, He.avy Machinery,
etc., Is the best in the city. Special men
and wagons nrj kest for tlis removal of
Pianos and Household Goods,
Which nrc always handled by compctant
and experienced help, nnd the Litest appli
ances used for handling Safes nud other
heavy gooiU. Call, nddress or telephone
OLIVER MAGGARD
Telephone til 917 () st.
Fremont Elkliorn & Mo, Valley
jEblil:ebo.w)
Trains lejvo I0:lJa in. and liMOp.m
Tur. Klkiiorn Vai.i.kv Line.
To free homes In Northueslern Nebraska nn
Southwestern Dakota.
To tho lllaek Hilts nnd the Hot Spring.
To LVntrnl Wyoming -oal nnd on Holds an
cattle ranges.
To Chliwijo and tho YmL
To St. raid, the North and Northwest.
For further Information Inquire of
fli:0. N. FOltnsMAN, Agent,
n South 10th street, Lincoln
W, F. FlTCII, J. 35. IlfCHANAN,
General M'gur. flen'l Pass. Ag't
Missouri Vnller. Iowa.
Capital national iiank
. .. tiMML Stock $300,000.
0.W Moshrr, rrel.louu W. J" Walsli.V-Pr
H.aOutelt,CUler.
S. I-J. BURNHAM,
BROKER
Honor loaned on long or short tlmo at lowed
ttes. Ofllce In ItlchnruV Clock, room X.
T&he elevator oa Eleventh street entrenom.
N. R. HOOK, M. D.,
DISEASES OF WOStKN.
drinary and Recta Diseases a Specialty.
Treats rectal dlxcnsos by IlItlNIvKllHOFK
PA1NI.KSS 8YSTKM. Onlee, rooms HI, island
121 llurr Illoek. Twelfth and O sircetH. Onlce
telephone 513. KcsluVnco 1021 Q street. 'Phone, MI
1 miico noiirs, u 10 iv a.m. -' 10 0 una mi 11
I to 0 p m
bumlays, 10 to 11 11. m
0.A.SH0EMAKER.M.D.
HoniGBopatriist Physician,
Telephone No 6S5.
16 South 1 tth Street, Lincoi.m Neii
PEERLESS
Steam Laundry
1117 P Street.
Still In tho front and absolutely leading all
vtnpctltorH. Thoroughly equipped for tin
next work, giving to each customer nn tin
jualifled guarantee for all work dono. All of
uurw oik done with neatness nud dispatch.
We solicit onlei-3 for suburban Wages and
neighboring towns, payinj; the cxpicb 011 ail
tfdvis one wny. Resiectfully,
C. J. PRATT.
1- C0IJS
h
c&mdMt
v&f
AID INSTITUTE Of rt.MUNSIIir,
fchortlianci ninl Typ ritlng. Ilt nml larcost coIIoro
In tho west. Btiul. ntn prepared for limine in from
S toll month. Individual Inilruotlon. Fuilnnuox
perU-ncnl faculty. Feiirl for ctillcrfo Journal and
rpcclmens of onmni.lilp to
ULUIiniUaK & ROOSE. Lincoln, Neb.
BLOOD POISON.
Oil! 1i.!l! tAnfV- nnl.ln
1 tho rpilutivscncu ot liloixt
I ixjironi (vno rati swallow
I It. cudihig out of olil lepth
At PWrV lllrtll ntil li..
heaUhyJ TIicbo teeth aro
uvuu, uiivtau-u, nun nnuy
treiiucntly rau-o a swullol
fftrn. Klinlllil rnrfnl lu.
citractcil ami rcila-eiflh
good, artlllcUl teeth tint
nevcrnchc. C'anbeettrart
ed without pala. No hum.
bag.
ABItASION OF THE TEETH.
The abovu cut shows tho teeth of n man 45
rears of ago, from Dr. llcll In 1B3I. Wo meet
with this affection In the teeth lu arlous forms
and de (trees. The ends ot the crowns teem
vwj oft, having a low degree of vitality ami
wear down allowing ndark yellowish cupped
ipotjn tho center. Many aro bo faollih as to
i" 'hat molar teeth aro of llttlo account,
, ret them so bv default; after which all
the force ot tho muscles are extended to tho
front tceti, wearing them down rapidly.
The best, and orly remedy. Is to cover and
buildup the ends with cold and platinum,
wh'ch near like steel and laves them many
rears. Wo make a specialty of fine Rold work
en building hem up, contour tilling!, etc.
a. n
Q&Qe
mmi
fPt.L1
43Sr'
Cuts A and D aro from John Tomes, of Eng
land. A Two Incisors with notches In the ends.
I) shows tho peg shaped teelh with yellowish
pita lu the ends.
For such teeth wo havo two remedies! First
To fill Hut pits hi the mils with gold. Sec
ondExtract them and replace them with
artificial teeth. Hut tho bones absorb awav
rapidly to that they will need rcscttlujr fro'
quentlr.
We mako tho Bnest artl3clal teeth lu the
northwest.
We use Jostles' and White's patent teeth
with long, heavy pins, mounted on strong
elastic plates. Thoso who patronize us wlfi
not bo troubled with broken teeth aud cracked
plates, canker tore mouths, etc.
To loose the front teeth, Is to loose half
tho porer of ipetch, and more than half Ua
beauts'.
DR. A. P. BURRUS,
1208 0 Stiikkt-
!1
(1
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