OThojlUYUHH'OUJDKI
Issuod March mul Slept.,
onoli yonr. It I nn oney.
oloiiotlli of moiwl Infor
mnllon for nil who pur.
ohnso llio luxurlc.i or the
nocosnltlos of llfo. Wo
oau olotho you una furnish you Willi
nil tho nooonsary mul unnooossniy
appliances to rltlo, walk, dance, deep,
out, Hull, hunt, work, no church,
or stay nt homo, nnd In vnrlom nlf on,
atylc and Quantltlo. Just llauro out
whAt l voqulrodtodonll thoiio thlnn
COMFORTABLY, nnd you can nwko . Inlr
ovtlmato or tho vnluo of tho 1U HUH
OUIDQ, whloh will ho sent upon
receipt of 10 cents to pay pontnno,
'MONTGOMERY WARD & CO.
UMM Michigan Avonuo, Ohlcnn.0,111.
T I M ED !"
The best Illustrated humorous newspn.
pei. The effect o( the Illustrations Ik
heightened by 'he l," ' four coloii. Alio
printed nn coaled paper.
Time is Staunchly Republican
It lgorously ndvoontcs llio maintain,
nnco ot n protective tnrlff ; nml It speaks In
no uncertain voice forUepubllcan princi
ple, nml for doctrine of the party in net
forth In tho Ucpulillcnn plnlforni ol 188S.
Such n naner. uncnklnir directly to the
, ,
eye
pie
e of the voter directly through lt lm
nndpowriful cartoons, a well n to
the mind through
It editorials, will licol
positive, value tr
you during the prccnt
campaign.
This being a campaign of uducnllon, In
which It Is necessary to tench the voter the
plnln fact of tho situation by every menu
w IMiin rcach.n paper such ns Tl M K should
ha found weekly In the lending room of
every Republican club In the country.
Single copies, ten cent cncli;subscrlp
tlon, 3 mo.,.!fi.J55 6 moi, $3.50; one year
$5005 sample cony ly mutest. Ank yowr
newsdealer for Tl NIL.
TIME PUBLISHING CO..
j I & 16 Vesey ntrcct, New York.
li. T. ROBERtS & SON,
Undertakers anMmbaltners,
212 North nth Street,
Windsor Hotel Annex,
Telephone, Ollkc t4S. Residence.
Open Day nml Night.
156.
Reopened 1033 O Street.
Nntwilh.
stuudlng tho
met that Fho
tngrnph hnvo
beon retlu cil
to about hnlf
tho former
price wo hnvo
rxtfiRPil t h 0
servlecsof one
of tho boat fin
ishers In Now
York to take
clmruoof that
department of
the studio. Our
-
effort shall bo
iintlrlita to
Klvo each cus
tomor ontlro
tuxturuollon
iv ml to produce
superior work
to any wo hnvo
done before.
Cabinets, $3 per Dozen.
It has No Equal.
THE ALASKA
REFRIGERATORS.
i?
Finest and Rest Mitc.c.
Ladles arc Invited to call nnd see these
tiuumcr cominodltlc and also Inspect our
magnificent stock o! Ciockcry, Lamps and
Art G-lassware,
nnd sec our stock. Prices low
everything tlio very latest.
and
S. C. Elliott.
FINEST LIVERY RIGS
In tlio city all come from tho
Graham Brick Stables,
P street, wluro nil kinds of
Bnjglss, Carriages or Saddle Horses.
. Can bo had nt nuy time, day
or night on short notice.
HORSES BOARDED
su5vsr T'f lilM't
gc
M"5r3sh"PK-o
K---C -C9-M-ci 5)
vHHi--------------lfl---4
ALL AnOUND TKE HOUSE.
A New I'rocess for llrrnrntlng Screen,
Dado, rhtqurs, I'tuuies, ile.
A new nrt proctw for tlio decoration of
nirfneca lia locn Intixuliictnl which Iscnlcu.
lntodtontlrnctlntcrcit, n Decorator nml
Furnisher. It contlit In tho drying nml
mctallred treatment of leaves nml plant,
which nro so prepared ni to Ikj llxrd on
i;roumliof various klndsnnd applied to llro
screens, dados, plaques, pictiiro twines mul
oilier sultnhlo article.
Tho leave nml ii'nlki of plant, having
liecii dried by nrtlllelnl heat, nro nrtlstlenlly
arranged nnil fastened in placoi they nro
next covered with n coating of gum arable,
n camel' hnlr brush king used for tho pur
poo, nml till coating Is followed hy tho op
pllcntlouof nnyof llio metallic colors Im
ported with tlio uiilclo provided hy iimiih
fncturera for their iwo.
Taking, for linlance, n panel, tlio planM
nml lea c nio nrrnngetl on It nccordlug to a
net design. IamiU's nml hrnnelirs will ho
found sulllclcntly Mipplo for nrrnucomcut In
nny position. Homo of llio leaves mny,coin
pletcly stand nut fiom tho Rromul, ulhcKi bo
only slightly attached, and havo tliolr edges
brought fornnrd. Tho attnclimciit Is inndo
with gluo. Tho Icavei and stems mny bo
rolorctl nccordlug to iinture, or given n tinl
fouutlnt, Iloiisuhnlit l'eits.
In iwponso to oirora of prlrcs, housowlvcs
from ovcry section of tho country havo Iwcn
communlentlng to (lond Houtekeephig, n
houMhold mngaxlne, tliolr i-emedles for va
rlous liotiH'hoid posts. Tho remedies sug
gested by tlioso correspondent for tlio buffalo
bug mo few In number mul liichulo napthn,
nqua nmmouln nnd tho I'!nst Indian lusoct
lKilcr. Ono corresiiomlcut affirms thnt
thoinnulins not been bom who can promise
or show n sum death to tho buffalo enrpet
bugs. Nnptlm is tho most common remedy.
To any readers who wnut to experiment
with nqua ammonia, which a housowlfo as
sure will kill nil tho jcst on tho lists, except
files, It Is ndvlsed toobtnlu n quart of nquft
nmmouln nndn largo oiler, nnd fill any broken
plnco in tho plastering nnd ovcry crack, not
forgetting tho floor. It is claimed that this
will not discolor pnlnt, hurt varnish or fado
carper Vr HuTalo bugs saturnto tho in-
frsted places. Tho fumes, .'. Raid, will
hill.
Judging by tho number of remedies sug
gested for bctlhugs, It would appear thnt
theo insects head tho llt of household pest.
Tho remedies Includo lVi-slun liiKoct powder,
alum water, coriHwlvo sublimate, quicksilver,
w 1th whltoof eggj kerosene, salt water, borax,
fumigation with sulphur nnd oil of sassafras.
An Alabama correspondent advises tho uso of
i'lio oil f.-om tho red sassafras, to bo applied
with n feather or brush to tho crovlues mid
woodwork of tho bedsteads infested
Advocates of nluin water adviso that tho
alum bo dissolved in water, ono pound to
two scant quarts of water; apply with n
brush, boiling hot, to nil tho joints nml crov
Ices of lcdstend, floor and mop boards. Tho
quicksilver nud egg nro mixed together
thoroughly with nn old steel knife, ono ounco
of quicksilver to tho whlto of ono egg; this
mlxturo Is daubed on wherever tho bugs nro
likely to appear.
A I'onnsylvnnla correspondent who ndvo
cites tho most common of remedies 1. v.,
corrosivo subllmato after making two or
threo applications of tho subllmato finishes
up with nn application of quicksilver and
whlto of egg.
A Handsome Whitlow Arrangement.
Very nttrnctlvo effects may bo obtained by
skillful treatment of tho window upon n stair J
lauuiuK, lor miu;u llio umiusuinu arrange
ment Miown in tho cut nuiy Ui taken da oil
rxamplo.
7
A-K' vk A
ItAKDSOUU WINDOW AnnANOEMENT.
Tho window hero i-cpresentel is In stained
glass hung with flowered sill: looped with
heavy cord ornaments and tassel. A box
nnd trny of rcjioussa brass filled with cholco
plauta mul ferns is placed egalnst tho dado of
Jupancso leather paier, which enhances tho
effect of flower nnd foliage. A pretty varia
tion of this design could to arranged by tho
uso of Eoino of tlio various imltr.tlous or sub
stitutes for stained glass, w 1th cretonnes of
good coloring for hangings, whllo a wooden
bos nnd tray In nutio work will nppropri
ately rcplaco tho moro costly brais.
I'rcncti raihlons nud rioral Designs.
Tho i-ctuni to French fashions In house
furnishing has revived floral designs for car
pets, cretonnes and other upholstery nud cur
tain material. Now carpets show graceful,
invgular designs of flowcru in palo tints, on
very light grounds, of which ecru and croam
mo meat lwnulnr. Cretounes mul nlazeil
chint3C3 represent jwpular fabrics for uplioA
ttcry nud curtains tu couutry houses, cud nr
equally npproprlato in uuy tvam frozi parlw
to chatubcr.
Itrllllant Window Decoration.
Tainted designs may bo executed on paper
cr linen iu aullluo colon that will nppcar
BcuiKrausparvnt against tho light, even with
covcral layers pieced 0:1 each other, if tho
paper or linen is first dipped In camphor nud
nl lowed to dry. Decorator nnd Furnisher
ruggest ornamental foros thus colored nnd
cut out as brilllcut odoriuvcut for window.
Ono Tiling and Anot!ier.
Cut fresh lemons iu thlu dices nud divldn
theso into four parts. A good garnlU fcr
salatU aud made dishes.
Fine table cloths nud napkins shoul 1 not
not bo used to long as to become much wiled.
Vigorous rubbing will theu bo ueeded to
clu them, aud this wears them out.
Pour bolllnu hot water into tho kitchen
tint: everyday, nud twoorthre? times n wu-k
put u largo lump of washing &oda over the
drain pipe and there will bo no bad odors.
Twenty drops of carbolic odd evaporated
from a hot thovcl will go far to banish flics
from a room, while a bit of camphor gum,
tho eizo of a walnut, held over n lamp till it
Is consumed, will do tho tamo for tho festivr
xaollit0' .
In using tbo finger bowl, dip tho Mix ol
tho finger into tbo water, rinse them quickly
suid dry on tho uapkiu.
'PsLJSw'
. 15
Tlio Tonnff IVople,
A small hoy sojourning on tlio const of
Mnlno sent tho following clipping to his father
in Ilwtoiit
Kxnmlner What would you do In thocnw
of n man wlthclnmmy swonUI
Tluddlng Hnwlxmes-aVilvlso him toglvo up
clams.
Tho boy npiwuilcd tho followlngi "Dear
iapa, I thought you would npprclnto tho
nbovo, as j ou nro having tlio in cat and I nu
having tho clnm." Ilmton Journnl.
Allttlogirl In liowliton whownslll the
other oveulug called her mother to her lied
sldu nnd said pltuomlyi "Mamma, I am
nwful slot;. 1 Just swallowed upwnrd," nud
hop iiinmmn symp.ithlw.il with her deeply.
Irtlton Journal.
"You seem to havo qultoasum In jour
bank, Hobby," remarked tho visitor. "YeV
slid Hobby, "ma gives mo ten cunts n week
for coming to tho tnblo n'itli clean hands nud
faro." "Ten cents Is u Rood deal of money
for n httlo boy to enm oveiy week." "Yes,
mn'nm, but I hnvo to do n largo amount of
work for It." Nuw York Hun.
A boy's description of having n tooth
initio I cpivsoH it about ns well ns anything
wo hnvo 6ccut "Just beforo It killed mo the
tooth camo out," Mxclmngo.
Moments of Torture.
Bho Ilushl Not another word
Ho Oh, don't decldo now; don't, I Wg of
you. Takotlmo to consider. Itcmomberthe
happlnes of a llfo
"Do hush I Kor mercy's sako stop.
Wnlt"
"Waltl I'll wait n century If need be.
Llko Jacob, I'll servo"
Hho (nftcr rushing frantically nround tht
room nnd tocplug into nil tho corners) II
isn't hero nf tvr all.
"Who who! Oh, hnvo I n rival
hnvo"
"Calm yourself, Mr. Nlcofollow, I I
thought I heard my llttlo brother In the
room. Go on." Philadelphia Iloeord,
Ail Assistant I'd I tor.
Citizen I hear you nro iu tUo uowspapoi
business, Undo Rastus. ,
Undo Rastus Yes, sab'; I'so cr journalts'
now. I ho'ps wrlto dopu'tor'ls.
Citizen You do!
Undo Rastus Oil, yes; I keeps do fllei
often do boss, salt. Time.
Not rimlly h Superstition.
Mrs. Hllihdlct Ilcforo going for your
trunks, M. Nowlionrdcr, you might ns well
sit down' to diuuer. I will havo an extra
plato pnt on. Of couno. I did not expect
you tcday. .
MV. Nowboarder How many boarder i
hVoyou, Mrs. Bltnullct!
"Twolve, You will mako tho thirteenth."
"Thirteen nt tnblo! I will wait until
supper tlino. I fear if tho thirteen of us sat
down to tnblo ono of us would dlo. You
havo only nrrnngwl for twclvo, you sayP
"Whyf What would tho thirteenth dlo
off"
"Starvation!" Philadelphia Recoiil
That Altcrril Ilia Case.
Dr. PUlsbury (to patient) My dear sir, nil
you need Is plenty of outdoor exercise Now,
hero is n llttlo work that I would strongly
adviso you to read. It will teach you how
to gain nnd prcscrvo health. It title is
"Physical Culture for tho Million," and
Patient Hut, doctor
Dr. Pillsbury-Wolll
Patient 1 w roto that book. Time.
Ilediictlons.
Dealer Jake, mark thoso rockers in tho
window S-1A.
Jnko Fortyflvo dollnrsl Why, sir, you
offered ono of them yesterday morning to a
man for $181
Dealer I know It, but I'm going to havo a
tako off salo of n dollar n day on thoso
rockors, nud I exjicct It'll boat lenst two
weeks beforo thoy'ro nil goro. Detroit Kiw
Press.
Not Altogether Ills l'milt.
In tho jiolleo court.
"Prisoner, whatover may bo said of your
oftenso, I must ndd that tho character of
your accomplice is simply atrocious; ho bo
longs to tho very oftscouring of socloty."
"But, your honor, what could I do! It was
inIOisiblo for mo to lay my hand on nny de
cent mail who would help me." Boston
Beacon.
No lniicr.
Burgbr I havo followed tho profession of
housebreaking for ten years and havo uovcr
been arretted. 1 hnvo n uow Job nearly ovcry
uleht.
Pickpocket But aren't you nfrnid tho po
lico will get tho drop on you I
Burglar Not much. I llvo next door to
tho station house. Hotel Mnll.
Tho Correct Tlino.
Dumley (who bos sold n watch) You told
mo, Robinson, that if I would let you have,
tho watch you would pay mo iu thirty days.
It's n good deal moro thnu thirty days now.
Robinson Not by that watch; that watcb
loses twelvo hours out of tho twenty-four.
Now York Sun.
Idunttned.
Bello Introdueo mo to your Pittsburg
friend, dear. 1 hato to seo a girl want all
tho goad things lu life.
Null How did you know ho wns a PitU
burg man I
Bello By his Ironical smllo aud stool blue
eyes, Boston Budget.
Hnd Had Opportunities to Leurn.
"My son," said tho Judgo, blandly, to tha
youthful witness, "do you know tho naturo
of an oath!"
"1 think I do, sir," replied tho llttlo boy,
timidly; "my father has been betting on the
DotroiU this season, "Chicago Tribune,
A Cuso Iu 1'olnt.
"Bo mine," ho cried with volco surcharged
with anguish. "It you refuso mo I shall
tlloi" That v was forty years ogo, and tho
heartless girl refused him. Yesterday ho
diod. Girls, bowaro. Biughamtou Repub
lican. Illrd Without tVlugs.
Tho most unhappy fcaturo nlxmfl being a
Jailbird is said to belt Inability to fly.
Uiughamtou Republican.
(iMTotiu. r jfU.Jjy A Iiy1
I oow Wx-- j s'jf L
PHYSIOLOGY AMD HYGIENE.
Friiy Many 1'iiiplo Drink n flliiM of Water
1 1 (Torn McitM.
A writer In Hcleutllla American having
found relief from long continued dyspepsia
In tho practice now so often recommended of
drinking n glass of water beforo eating, gives
the following explanation of Itsnctiout
In tho morning tho stomach contains n
considerable, quantity of mucus spread over
nnd adherent to IU walls. If food cutcrM nt
thU tlino tho tenacious mucus will Interfere,
tosomu oxUmt, with tho dhect contact be
tween tho food nnd tho stomnch necessary to
provoko tho secietioti of gnstrio Juice. A
glnss of water, taken beforo breakfast, wirscs
through llio stomach Into tho smnll intes
tine In n continuous nud uninterrupted flow.
It partly distends tho ilomnch, stretching
mul to some extent obliterating tho rugiu; it
thins nud wnhei out most of tho tenacious
mucus; It iueivnses tho fullness of tlio capil
laries of tlioKtomnch, directly If tlio, water is
worm, and Indirectly in n reactionary way
If it is cold; It causes H?rIstnlsls of tho ali
mentary trr.ct, wakes It up (so to spenk),
nud gives It u morning exerclsonud washing.
Caru must bo taken not to pivo cold water
when tho circulation, cither loon I or general,
is so feublo ns to mako reaction impiobablo.
Wo should not risk it In advanced ago, nor In
tbufecblo, whether old or young, nor should
it bo given fu local troubles, llko chronic
gnstrla catarrh, hi theso cases It is best to
give warm or hot wntcr. Tho nddltion of
Halt Is very lieuellclnl. Huch n llmo honored
custom ns drinking soup nt tho beginning of
a meal could only havo been so persistently
adhered to liecnuso of it hnvingbcen found
by oxiorlenco to bo tho most appropriate
tlino. It does exactly what warm or hot
water, with tho nddltion of salt does, nnd
more, In thnt It Is mitrltivo nud excites tlio
(low of gastric Juice.
Care of tho Complexion.
Tho best soap In general for washing tho
face is puro whlto Castile, though somoof tho
liettcr kinds of toilet soap aru equally good.
Wlicro thcro is a tendency to eruptions tho
puro Castile soap has a healing effect whero
most soaps will aggravate tho trouble. When
possible, uso soft water to wash In, but m
nround tho city this is Impracticable, n few
drops of nmmouln added to hnrd water will
soften it wonderfully. Aproos of rain water
for tho skin, nn old lady, who at tho ago of
1)7 years had skin as soft as velvet, attributed
it to tlio constant uso of rnlu wntcr In wash
ing. Never uso soap ou tho fnco during tho
day,but Just beforo retiring for tho night
wnsli tho faco w ith a soft cloth iu warm
water, using tho Custllo soap liberally. After
drying tho skin, rub it well with vaseliuo or
cold cream; In tho morning wash this oft,
using a very llttlo nmmouUtor soap in tho
wntcr.
A few drops of tho spirit of enmpnor
added to tho wnslt w nter twice n week Is good
to whiten the skin.
Many women who nro In tho country for
tho summer loso much benefit of sun nud
fresh nlr through fear of getting tanned it
they go out except nt certain hours of tho
Iny. It beforo going out they will powder
tho faco well tho danger Is much lessened.
Baby powder Is very nlco to uso for this pur
pose, but If this Is not nt hand magnesia or
oven Hour will do very well. Thcro nro fow
things moro painful, and seemingly so slight,
ns sunburn, mul tho best remedy for this nf
fectlon Is tho old fashioned one, invnrinbly
recommended In tho country, of using plenty
of buttermilk. Batho tho parts affected lib
erally nnd often, allowing tho liquid to dry
ou, nnd do not rinso it oft. It is very cool
lug nnd rclioves tho smarting instantly.
Croam is also used for this purpose, but it is
not any better than tho buttermilk.
SOCIAL ETIQUETTE.
Urlps and Hindrance to u Successful
Dinner l'nrty.
Thero nro many whoso wealth and position
entail upon them n certain amount of enter
taining. Having, perhaps, no special motivo
for giving dinners, they Invito jieoplo to their
houses becnuso it is rather expected that they
should.
At nil events, peoplo must ent to live, nnd
may ns well mako that necessity ns ngrceablo
in tho pcrformnuco ns os.sihlo; so tho ques
tion is, what constitutes n pleasant dinner?
First nud foremost, of course, tlio meats aud
drinks; for it fnlluro is there nothing can
mako up for It, But supposing that part to
bo crfection, tho uoxt thing Isperhnpsnot
to let tho dinner last too long. "Linked
sweetness lorn; drawn out" U nil very well;
but ono mny hnvo too much of a good thing,
and thcro is sometimes' n sensation of thrall
doni fcltnt dinner parties which is anything
but conduct vo to brilliancy, or oven cheerful
ness, nnd although it may happen that ono'
neighbors nro exceptionally agreeable, that
is not invariably tho case, and whou it is
not, conversation Is apt to flag nnd to re
quire Ucrhumau efforts to mako It go at all.
A clover hostess will alwnys try to invito
such guests us nro iu harmony with ench
other; hut is impossible to manage this
sometimes, so that allow nnco must botnado
for tho humau lumps of lend who havo to bo
asked, nud also for tho electric bort of beings,
who carry with them au ntmosphcro charged
with elements of storm aud disturbance, nnd
who nt an over long dinner becomo irritable
and argumentative, whllo the leaden ones
foem to grow heavier tho longer thoy sit, Tho
hostess hcru.it is, of courso, one of tho great
est helps or hindrances to n dinner. Hclt
possessed nnd quiet, drusscd liecomingly to
butt her own stylo, nnd nbovo nil never flur
ried or distraite, but w ith eyo nml enr on tho
nlort, si 10 is charming, even without beauty
of feature, and her influonco over tho table
is great, oven w lieu the party is so largo that
conversation is practically n series of tcte-a-tctc3.
Bho cau nud .vlll, when ono of tho
pauses occurs which always docs occur
some tlmo during tho dinner provoat tho
traditional "angel" being tooslew iu passiug,
by (hiding tomo tuple to start her guesta
upon ngaln, or some lively rocrl to mako
them laugh.
As regards tho gues, Jt U liupo33lblo not
to feci ut time? that such sacrifices havo been,
made r.t tho sluina of jwlloy r.s to spoil tho
real brilliancy r.ud pleasure of tho party.
People are asked solely beeauso of tho valuo
thoy represent, olthe. hi tho way of riches or
rauk, when it may ba that they nro tho dul
lot of the dull, without one sp.trk of Intellect
(o brighten ttolr heavy personality cr en
liven their rclghbaw. However, wo must
tako thing) rs they .ir., nn.l ns society is
r.o-.v constituted it li uotfe3slbloto"need
out-' nil borw or unattractive eoplo from
diuner.t or cr.y tt'acr toelal gatherings, hut
thosj wh-j entertain do well to bear lu mind
that wit, humor, talent ot sonio sort, nro
greater factors iu the success of a dinner
party than mero gold, If tho possessors huvo
nothing els? to ressmmcud them.
Avoid l'ault Finding.
Bo careful not to cultivato a disposition to
dud fault or depreciate. Indiscriminate
praiso is nauseating; but, ou tbo other hand,
indUcrlminuto condemnation Is irritating.
A man or woman of tho world ought to have
good appreciation aud good depreciation
that Is to say, n keen sense ot tho merits ot a
thing and au equally keen senso of its faults,
with tho good tasto to speak moderately
cither way,
A Question of Time.
Another story about land speculation In
tho wait Is worthy of relating. It hopencd
(hat a laud schemo wns organized nt Ios
AngclM, and many Ban Francisco eoplo
entered heartily into the ontcrprlw. Among
tlio subscribers wns n traveling salesman,
whoso business chanced to tako him to tho
town In which ho hnd purchnxed his lot. Do
slrlng to oxjwrlcnco tlio novel neuwitlon of a
landlord, ho determined to survoy his proi
crty. Tho plans were got out, nnd to his
horror ho found that tho lot ho bad
pmchased wns situated ono bundled
ynrds from tho shore, and thnt tho 1'nclllo
ocean was at present In full osscsslou of his
claim. This was too much to bo homo. Ho
weutlmck to Han Francisco and sought tho
ngvutwhohnd so badly tricked him. Tiint
olllclnl leeched him with bland urbanity
nnd listened to his explanation with nn
nnmscd smile. "My denr boy," said tho
agent, nfter ho hnd finished tho recital of his
wrong, "your laud Is all right. At present,
it is true, tho ocean covers your very tlosirn-
bio lot; but consider, sir, tho Puclflo ocean is
l feeding from tho constat tho into of two
inches a year, nud iu about 600 ears your
procrty will Ikj tho llucst in tho state. Uood
moinlng." Tho agent Is living yet. Phila
delphia Times.
llu.lly Itcmedled.
Among tho theatrical properties was'n fig
tiro of n colossal elephant. In each leg was
placed n boy, whoso movement-were enro
fully contrived to imltnto tho action of tho
renl nnlmnl. Immediately after its intro
duction on tho scono, nud whllo tho llluo
beard, ungnllnnt slnycr of fcmnlo beauty,
was fretting and ranting on his back, tho
under prompter ran into tho grecu room,
locking tho manager, with consternation in
his face. On (hiding him, tho poor prompter
exclaimed: "Oh, Iord, sir, tlio right leg of
tho elephant has got blind drunk nnd is box
ing on tho stago with tho left, which is fast
asleep nil tho while, dreaming nliout nothing
nt nil, nnd Mr. Abomiltquo docsc't know
what to do with tho beast."
"Return instantly," wns tho niimlo mon
arch's command, "dlschargo tho two foro
legs nud put tho hind ones in their place,"
Detroit Frco Press.
A Fireman' I'lcnle.
Jobson Halloo, Dobsou. b'co tho piano
factory flro last night J
Dobson Yes. Fireman worked llko beav
ers. Jobson No, they didn't; they had a regu
lar picnic.
Dobsou I don't rco how you mako that
out.
Jobson Weren't they idnylng on the
pianos? Now York Hun.
A Nlco I.ognl Question,
Mngtstrato (to Undo Rnstus, who has been
uufortuunto ngaln) Your name, prisoner!
Undo Rnstus Must I glv' my name, sail I
Magistrate Certainly,
Undo Rnstus Well, now, yo honnh, I dona
undcrstnn' f mm do lawyer dat nobody am
compelled to say tiuffiit wot has cr tendency
tcr cmvlct hlsself. Life,
Ills Cliulro of n Story.
Young Fcuthcrly (Indulgently) Bobby,
would you liku toslt ou my kueouud huvo
mo toll you a story?
Bobby (who Isn't stuck ou Fcathcrly's
stories) Kryo'cs, please.
Youug Fcntherly And what kind of a
itory shall it be, Bobby?
Bobby A short story, please. Tho Epoch.
Not Complete Yet.
A genius has invented n flntlron which, by
tho expansion of heat, rings a Httlo bell when
It is hot enough for uso. It w ill not givo
comploto satisfaction unless tho liell ulso
lings a few seconds beforo n ninu sits ou It,
when his wife thoughtlessly places it ou a.
chair for a inlnuto or two. Norrlstown
Herald.
Marino Kuphoiiy.
Qorgonson It tires mo dwcndfully tc
conio on board with tho -man wopes, Mr.
Sprays. Cawu't )ou Invout bomo easlah
way?
Sklpjxir of Qorgonson's new yneht Cer
tainly, sir; we'll hoist you aboard with tho
donkey oiigluo hereafter, sir. Time.
Two of a Kind.
Buyer How much uro thoso trousers, Mr.
1 Solomons?
Mr. H. Veil, mcin fround, vo nro yust
glvin' doso pants nvny.
Buyer (effusively) Thanks-thanks I I'll
tako this pair.
Uxlt rapidly with trousers. Life.
A Dull livening.
Miss Ethel Did you hnvo n pleasant tlmo
nt tho Wnbash party last night, Clarn?
Miss Clara Not very, Ethel; I wasn't feel
ing at nil llko my usual self. I danced but
four times, nud only went In to supper onco.
-Tho Epoch.
Why Not Ask Her to Coino Around?
Clarissa writes; "What effect has kissing
on tho llpsi"
Kissing ou tho lips has n very pleasant
effect, Clarissa, wo nssuro you. If thciois
anything clso Clarissa wants to know sho
should not holtato to nil:, Lowell Citizen.
Why Sho Went Home.
FirstGuest (at summer health resort) You
nro golug homo early this season, Mrs. Cau
tion. Second Quest Yes, I havo to go, for my
health. Cartoon.
A Trltlo Allied.
An economist exclaims that threo cigars n
day will supply n family with meat, Tho
economist has evidently got his facts mixed.
Ho menus cabbage. lllnghumtou Itcpuhli
cau. Micgestlni; Cure.
Smith (deaf) What's tho matter, Jones?
Jones I'vo got tho headache.
Smith (who mistakes It for tho toothache)
Why don't you havo it filled) Areola Rec
ord. r.nd of tho BI110 Tumlly.
A Cincinnati man named BIno has died
childless. Iu other words, ho died uud left
no Slno. l'ittsburg Chronlelo.
Mta
Diayage and Movi g ,
OLIVKR MAGGARI)
Desires to inform the public that his equip
ment for moving Household Goods, Piano i
Safes, Mnrdiandlse, Heavy M ichlncry.
etc., Is the best In the city. " Spccl.il men
and wagons nro kest for the removal of
Pianos and Household Goods,
Which arc nlway handled hy compctanl
and experienced" help, and the latest appli
ances uscJ for handling Safes nnd other
heavy goods. Call, address or telephone
OLIVER MAGGARI)
Telephone nt 917 O st.
Fremont Elkliorn & Mo. Valley
jK.L30.ID
Train leave 10:11a, m, and I'JitOp.m
Tin Ki.riioiin Vau.kv Link.
To freo homes In Northwestern Nebraska an
oiilhweslern Dakota.
To tho lllaek Hills mid tliu Hot Springs.
To Central Wyoming coal and on fields an
oat lie ranges.
To Clilenifo and tlio Hnst.
'ro Ht. Paul, tho North and Northwest.
For furtl.er Information Inquire of
0 ICO. N. FOHKHMAN, Agont.
11 Booth 10th street, Uncola
W. F. Fitcii, J. JJ. ItUCIIANAN,
llvnernl M'gur. Oeni Pass. Ag't
Missouri Valley, Iowa.
CAriTAL KATIONALTIANK
( iriTiL Htock $300,000.
O.W Moshrr, I're-ldtfnt. W.J' Walsh, V-Fr
It. 0. OutcAlt, Cuhlsr.
S. H. BURNHAM,
BROKER,,
ifoiv- loaned on Ion; or abort time at lowes
ites. Office In nichnrds' Block, room f.
Take elevator on Eleventh street entrmoa.
N. R. HOOK, M. D.,
DISKAHE.S OF WOMKN.
Jrinary and Rectaj Diseases a Specialty.
Treats rectal diseases by llltlNICr.ltHOFF
I'AINI.KSH 8Y3TKM. Onicc. rooms lit, l and
121 llirr lllnck. Twelfth nnd O aireetx. Ofllco
trtephonc AM. Itesldniieo 102) Q street. " Thine, MJ
nnico hours, 0 to i a.m. 2 to 6 and 2 to & p m
Sundays, IU to llu. m
0.A.SHOEMAKER.M.D.
Homoeopathist Physician,
Toleahonc No 685.
t(l South nth Street, Lincolm Nun
PEERLESS
Steam Laundry
1117 T Street.
tllllnthe front nnd ulisolutely lending nil
miivtltiint. Thoioughly ciiuippcil for tht
iiiest w oik, giving to each customer an un
(uallfled guaruiiteo for all woikdoue. All ot
ur work dono with neatness and dtsputch.
We solicit ordeiit for MiburUm villager nud
leighbuilng towns, paying thuexpieoson uil
nUit one wny. HcsKctfully,
C. J. PRATT.
CCI.N
v&f
ami ixsirruTB or rutMAUiui',
f horthnnrt and TypewrlllnR. IWt n I largnst collftre
In Ilia wilt. Bluilrnts prepared tif huiliufs In from
StnOmnnths. Iudlv.itunl lnttrucllon. Fudnnauz
Iverloncxl fuculty. Beiu for colli'io Journals and
f poclmrn of nwimftimlilp In
ULUUHIDUE ft ROOSE. Lincoln, Neh.
BLOOD POISON.
Old dcsil Ircll. -nntiiln
, tho fjillnlii-Kcnco ot IiIihnI
polenu! Wlm rnn swallow
It, LTlSlllllL' out of old ICl'lll
at vity mod nud ho
hcsllhyf Tlieo teeth nro
dead, ulcerated, iinlnnliliv
frequently cnii'o n vuulluil
faco. Mioiilcl ccrtalf.y Iw
extracted nnd rclumf with
rood, nrtlllelnl trctli that
never actio. Cm bo si trad
ed without palu. No hum.
bag.
ABRASION OF THE TEETH.
Ibeabovucut shows the teeth of n man sS
rears nf sun, from Dr. Hell In 1K3I. Wo meet
lth this direction lu tho teeth lu varlont, forms
and depicts. The cuds ot tho crowds seem
tefj soft, having a low degree of vitality aud
wrar down showing a dark yellowish cupped
poUn tho center. Many m so foollih as to
,("" '.hat molar teeth smut llttlo account.
.! tf t them eo by default; nftcr which all
.be force ot tbo muscles aro ixtcndrd to the
front teeth, wearlmj them ilowi lapldly.
The best, and nrly reined). Is iq cover and
lulld up the ends with cold mm jilutlmiin,
4 h'ch wears llko steel and faves tl.v.m iiiiiiit
ears. We make a specially of lino eM "wirk
m hultdlug 1 hem up, contour lllllngs, etc.
L
fn- c 77 ??
cidw&m
a. n
Cuts A and 11 aro from John Tomes, of FCng-
mud.
A Twolnclors with notches In the ends.
li shows ihoi.cgihapcd teeth wlthyillowUh
(tits In the end
For such teeth wo havo two remedies: First
-To till ha pits In the ends with gold. Sec
ondExtract them and replace them with
utltleUl teeth, Hut tho bones ahsmh away
rapidly so that they will need resetting fro.
inently.
We mako the finest artUclal teeth In the
northwest.
We use Justlea' and While' patent teeth,
with long, heavy pins, mounted on stronir
elastic plates. Thoie who patrimlzn uj will
not bo troubled with broken teeth aud cracked
plates, canser sore mouths, etc.
To loose tbo front teeth, Is to loose half
theporerof ipeecli, and more than half tae
be aula
DR. A. P. BURRUS,
1308 0 Stiikkt.