Wfp1
fiffgffyw py,ro.rr7Tiiipyirri -w- -
iffTf f "' ' ' m 1 JV r H--'V"W
BILL tfYI. AND COL, HOOT,
THEIR EXHILARATING RIDE IN CEN
TRAL PARK.
Nome Hurtling Hlstiirjr tlleopatt-N )to
Tlnited UUeiiiso tlm Prince r Wales.
Artemsis Ward and Ward's HI-sliio-A
ProtVtstoniill)- Itrsroed ljy.
fast week Col, mil Hoot, forinnly Duke
of Council DliUTs, wtlil mo n visit, nml ns I ilo
slrtsl loshun- him tliojmrk 1'tooU IiIui to Fifty
eighth street mtil hlml a nurlngp, rtiKnRlujr
tlit services ot iv ilurk cyol historical student
who l mM to know mom nliont Ccntiitl Turk
tlinimny oilier mnn In New York, having
tlrlrni through It, ns lio has, for j-rnr.
Col. Hoot nml Icnlhsl li I lit governor, unit
thereby Monnil Know taiga which could not
Itoohtnlncil from IkioUs. Col. Itoot li him
self no kltidrrynrtrn savant, lrlii(7 tlianttthur
niiit illscm ci or of a motliixt of breaking up n
sitting lieu liy llrst rnlllnghcrntlcntloiinwny
from her ilitp scnteil inlou, tying n nil
llnumil lag nroiiml her log nml tlmu Kt 111
furtb'r turning lirr nttontlou away from lior
wild 3ni utiis to hiiluh nut n Utter of
Mibuihnn villus by sitting on it ulitto front
door l.nob.
Col Itoot wnulrd to sou tho Midi, Ilosnld
that Wyoming, wllli lirr tun kissed hills, dor
blllovy nud mom agato t odceked plains, her
hluo skies mid luscious beet critters, lind no
Mali. Thero tho hungry eye sought vnlnly
for one, IntMiisv. with nil her blessings, Wyo
ming Is still innilo!. Tlio driver showed It
tousj nlo Ward' Hhnl(Mionii Col. Itoot
Mid tlmt was Just tlio nay tlitnpp wont when
a limn died. "I Mipjtoio," mid ho, "that
Ward's other statuary nud wnx llgures went
tlmt snuio way. No two of 'cm left together,
Ouo of 'cm hero In tlio brush nud nuother In
Jorkho, very likely. Kvoryliody tried to
chll old Blinlesponro ns noon nsho died,
wiwlnlly tlio sculptors, nml now that A.
Ward Is dead they'vo got his statuary out
hero for tlio sparrows to roost on, while his
KXr mother li up (hero In Maine without n
statue In tlm house."
"Yen," Mlil tho driver, stroking tlio under
sldo ot hU nose thoughtfully with hit slcove,
"1 toll you It's tough."
Tho driver also called our nltontlon to tlio
very tired Kngllsh onk planted nt tho forks
ot tlio rood twcnty-flvo year ngo by tho
lrlncoof Wales.
kit "win you leu me, governor," inquired isoi
Root, "how In Ham 1 1 111 thopeoplo In Kng
laud over came to. plek out Wnles for n
jirlneof lllnmed It 1 can figure It out,
UlntUtouo would hivo mndo n nuirslto bettor
prince, according to my notion; no would old
John llmwu, or tho Puke ot Mnrlbro, Ht 111,
I suppOHo that Wales had n nay of working
tho pnKH nud getting Into society Hint matlo
him nolld with tho people"
"Yes, that was It," Mild tho governor, ni
ti nto a clovo nud put out tho oyo ot n noveu
ty-flvo dollar Rroyhound with tho cracker of
III whip. "Wnle hat cntchetl on lwttcr
Miineliuw than nlry prluco I over havo wiw.
If tho ipiwu wa.1 to dlo toilny thoy tell mo
that Widen would bo nominated by ncclnma
Hon, no matter how hti hruith In. Thero
uovcr wan a priuco Iwfoiv that was nblo to
hold tho place no long tin Wnlen hax."
Then wo visited Cleopatra's Nccdlo.
"And who In creation wn Clcopatrar
xskeil Col. Hoot.
Cleopatra wan n good looking queen of
Egypt. Bho wu olghtoen year old when her
fnthor left the throne, nn It won Rcrowml
down to tho daU, and died. Ho left tho king
dom to Cleopatra, In partnership with
Itolemy, her brother. Ptolemy, in 51 Ik C,
deprlvd her of tho throua, loaviug Cleopatra
notlllng but tho tidy, Bho apieiilel to Jullui
CoBsar, whohlreiln man to embalm Ptolemy,
nud restored Kgypt to hM tlnter, who wn.i nt
likely n gtrl ivh JiiIIih had over met up with.
Hho nccompnnlod him to Homo In 40 11, C
and remained thero n couplo of yearn in tho
capacity of a sister When Cnwar wn nssnn
ilnated by u delegation ot Homau lax
(wycrt who ileslrvd iv change, CliK)
jwtra wont back nud liegnu to ivlgn
over Kgypt again. Bhu nNo nttrnctcsl
tho nttontlou of Antony. Ho thought mi
much of her tlmt ho would frequently stay nt
homo from iv bntllo and deny himself tho
joyu of being split open with n dull Mali
knife in order to stay nrouud homo nud hold
CIcopntra'H hand, nml, wild tlmt It hndtobo
un nIMli vd pmxI bnttlo Hint could iiinko him
put on hi 4 iron uUter nud light nil day on tho
cal.vry ho wnc getting, tjlio pizinicd hci"
belt thiily enrs D. C. nt tho ngo of !2l
ypars rather than rldo uround Homo tun
gingham dixsi ns thocuptivo of Augustus.
Slio dleil right In haying time, nml Augustus
Mid ho'd ruthcr ot lott tho Invt hoivo in
Homo. TI1I1 U her uccillo. It was brought
to Novt York mostly by water, mid looks
well hero In tho park. Slio w-im mid to bo iu
likely acuccn as over Jerked n scepter over
Kgypt or uuy other pl.nw. Everybody that
kvw her ilgu said that tho country uover
had a magnet Ickcr queen.
A wo rodo swiftly along, tho slight,
girlish llguro ot a mlddlo aged womiiu
might havo beon been striving liurricdly
to crow tho drlvowny, Bho screamed
and beckoned to a jwrk policeman, who
nishetl leisurely In and caught lier by tho
nrm, rescuing lier from tho cruel feet
ot our mnd chargers, and then led her to n
boat. A3 wo auscd to ask thq pol ccman If
tho lady liad lsccn Injured, ho camo up to tlio
Mldoof tho cariingo nud whispered to mo
Iiohlud his hand; ''That woman I havo
rweued between thirty nml forty times this
year, and it Is only early in July, Every
pleasant day alio comes hero to bo rescued.
Ouo day, wheu business was a littlo dull nml
wo didn't havo any teams ou tho drivo nml
time scorned to hang heavy ou her hands, sho
told mo her Mil history. When sho was
eighteen years of ago, sho had been disap
Iolnted In lovo and prevented from marry
ing her heart's choico ow ing to tho fact that
tho idea ot their union did not occur to him.
Ho was not, in fact, a union man.
Tlmo passed on. Ono day sho came to town
to do tome trading. Bho priced 67,60 worth
of cwU nud wns just crovJiij Ilroadway to
prlco somo mora when the gay equipage of a
wealthy humorist, with silver chains on the
ucck yoku and foam flecks ccrost tho bosom
ot tlio uigu boss, camo plunglug down tae
street
"Tho rod nostrils of tho spirited brutes wcro
bovo her. Their hot breath scorched tho
back ot her neck nud swayed tho red llauuol
pompon ou her bonnet. Ever' one ou Broad
way held his breath, with tho exception of a
siau ou tho f i-ons stoop of tho Astor llouto,
who) breath liad Rot beyond his control.
"Just theu.n stroug, bravo policeman
rushed In awl knocked down loth horses mid
tho driver, together wltU his wlary. Ho
caught tho woman up as though sho bad
boon no moro than a feather's weight. Ho"
bora Uer away to tho postofllco pavement,
' whero ittoetlll tho custom to carry pcoplo
who ere run over and mangled. Ho then
sought to fut her down, but tho clung nbout
his hoc', IiLo tho old party w ho got acquainted
with Bmbad tho Bailor, thougU-of course in
a difrcti nt mnnr.er. It lookquito tv w kilo to
suql.o i.cr off. 'i'ko noxt'llay sho camo back
nnd v s nlmost killed nt'lho camo crossing.
It went Oi that way until tho policeman had
lifjlicat chauKcJ to another pait of town.
Ulu.illy sho camo up hora to cvt l"-'r tuiumcr
Chicago nEsjAurtArvrs.
An llmirt Man Who Wnutoit to I'uy but
Co lid n't.
Ono of tho Washington writers who camo
ou to do tlio convention had laborod hard on
Biinday nud Bundny night. After his work
ho conclude! tomxil his fovprlth pnlnto with
a rIiim of Onmbrlmuj' own nml a cheeso
inniln Ich. Ho rapnlrcd for this puiOMi to n
placo on Clark tnct nml licgan (pilctly to
(Kirtakoof his refreshments.
"Havo jou a impklnr he Hiked of n
waller
"Whntr shrieked the waiter
"A nnjikln."
"You vlpo yourself mltyour Imlnd. Ve
don'd keep no unpkluv In hoiu"
Tho Washington man proceeded with his
lunch. A foiv minute later thcio was n low
In tho front end of tho house, Blxtccn wait
ers hopped iiHin ono mnn. Bomoof thev)
waiters had iKittlesaud ono of them had a
cheoM knlfo nbout ns long nsn man's nrm.
Tho chap who had united on tho Washington
rorrcaNimlent Jolnud In tho fraens, nud tar
ried In tho fun so long that tho Washington
man could find no ono to accept his quid pro
qua Ho nt Inst concluded to go out nt n sldo
door nnd thus nvold Iming summoned ns n
witness to n saloon row. Ho got out Into tho
nlloy nud wns driven back by tho crowd, but
was still imablotocngngothnnttcutlon of tho
chap who hail waited on him, nml Dually
went out ot tho front door, leaving his bill
unpaid. HoKcut to his room, where, during
tlio romalndor of tho night, ho saw nothing
but tkogloamof n checwo knlfo and nu In
furiated mob. On Monday ho went buck to
tlio placo and ozplalncd to tlio hend mall bow
tie hnd gone nwny tho night before, leaving
his bill unpaid.
"1 don't iwllovo It," said tho boss. "I nofer
had a man do dot vny boforo. Youvnutto
May mo n shoak. You gld rlgUl avay owd
so quick ns dot, or 1 cnll mo Bhnko nud tier
shfwoknlfc, urn! wo half somo moro fun. Old
owd. You was n dclogado, I jxit yon."
"Thou I can't payl" snld the honest man
from Washington.
"No, you can put It In dcrslotwld dor
scales un vclgh ) out-self by seeing It go. Hut
I don't talg nuddlugs from you. It would
hoodoo dor pluicns." Chicago Mali.
Got Acro All IllRht.
All old lady on n train In Alabama tho
other day, who wasuvldoutly taking her first
rido In tho cure, wns greatly ulariucd whllo
tho train was passing over n high trestle.
Bho grasied tho seat and held her breath
until tho opposite side of tho chasm was
reached, when sho gave a deep sigh of relief
nnd oxclalmodi "Thank God I she's lit,"
Dostou Journal,
8 peril Out of tho Quest Ion.
Counsel (Impatiently to witness) Can't you
rpeak n littlo faster, Undo Hastusf
WltucM-Dldn't 1 swa' to toll do truf, do
whole truf, an' tiufllu but do tmf I
Counsel Yes, yis.
Witness Den Iso got tor go slow. Now
York Buu.
Or Rinnll Vulun.
Husband (contemplatively) How truo It
Is, my dear, that tho good that men do is oft
Interred with tholr bones.
Wife (not contemplatively) Yes; I s'pono
thero's so littlo cf it that It Isn't considered
worth saving. Now York Sun.
A Koblo Hport.
"George," sho said, at tho races, "what is
meant by n truo lover of horse racing!"
"A truo lover of horso rnclug," oxidained
Qcorgo, "Is tho man who can catch a ton to
0113 chance." Now York Hun.
Wiser Tlmu lie Looked,
V
Mis3 Priscllla Jibb In noton, you know,
lr, Bwlft, wo attach moro Imittrtanro to
blood tlrin yau do nt tho west.
Mr. Bwlft (of Chlcagoi t)h, on tho ron.
tiary, Mis Jibb, wo consider It of tho .'list
Importance, particularly In Uio spring ot tho
J car. Life.
Ilo Wanted Tcnco.
Wtfo Whero havo you boon, Oeorgol
Husband 1 was ovor to Quimby's awhile.
I tell you I never saw such a household.
Vhuy quarrel llko cats nnd dogs. I nm too
fond of poaco to lead such a life. Is supper
teadyl
"Notimito."
"Then why In thunder isn't It I How long
does It tnko you to stow up a littlo hash, nny
howl You're slowor than n clock that won't
run." Lincoln Journal.
Anil lla Wns a Frenk.
"Do you know what'Oreenberry Is doing
now " , .
"Ho's In a museum."
"In what capacltyl"
"As a freak."
"How enn hiy.jpassiis n freak!"
"Well, ho hwii't hoken ono of hit New
Year's resolution yu" Lincoln Journal
What a Nice Umbrella Costs.
Drown That's a handsome umbrella
you've got there, Hobinson.
Iloblusou Yes.
Drown About what does it cost to carry
tn umbrella like that!
Robiuson Kterual vigilance New York
Buu, ,
Why She Wouldn't Ilava UIsb.
Aglow la the palpitant iwxuses
Ot a rashly oomiuensurato love,
Jes tlm huart or a woman (llstreugbtly,
Ulo a wounUed, bint stiotljr sick iIoto.
With tresses white horsely brick dusted
Btreamlug lax on the frcst l&aeu wlud,
Bho sliii;i from tlio passlou that noo br
Whlcu still follows fantly bokuid.
For lio stays not Ids oxculaut ardor,
And bha Llises liliu CacU with a swoop,
While the stern, pliant lands of the Past Loss
Strive to v. lilsk Uiu red vtlue from love' stoop,
Till at length sho quite roltttuly treats htm,
Ami ho leaver, at the future appalled;
Hut cgatn to lur prowaco somefiowly
Ho Is soou If not kooaerly called,
Then ho thinks all the crcwsomcncss enJod,
All thr siuU tu-arUxl source of his ulns;
Tor, lo) site will join hlui In boodago
Of nurircroiu, tnurllnl cbalos.
Hut again tho Dead rlsss) to haunt her,
And In vain UitQulcU luieetlugly crooks.
Ah. met for the hot fnist of piualoa
That orertaiw nepjilo la bjjsk'jj
isstlsiiiiil, at !
sjsiHl11lsiW
f-
ViT -t
v V
ALL AROUND THE HOUSE.
I'rrlly Uam for Henwrds 1'nshlonnldo
mil favored llevrmgrs,
Various ilccorntls'o uses for tho seaweeds
' tlmt tho coming months nfford nu opportu
' lilty to visitors to tho sensldo jo collect, nro
. suggentod by Decorator nml Furnisher. Thty
' may lw uod on the lids and tides of glasi
cnsuetK, ns borders nml oven foregrounds to
wiiler color nliitltigs, nnd on pleluro and
i mliror frame, meanwhile, until visitors ro
turii home, Mug kept in n scrap look.
When colloctrd they nro dried iwlween blot
ting iKiper nnd thou wnshed with mnstiugum
dissolved In turpentine, which gives them a
fiesh npiiearnmt'. They nro nlllxed to tho
, leaves of tho scrap book, which should havo
n lloxlblo back, by means of gum, nml niny
enlly Imdetacheil by daniH'nlng tho roverw
sldo of tlio leaves. Very charming mono
grams nnd various fanciful designs may Ik
formed with seaweeds. They mnka excellent
iKiiilers for tho outsldo surfneo of tho glass
of aquariums.
I'litoillit llevrrngr.
Cluixjtcupnndclinmpiigiiocupnrofmlilon.
nblo liovorages for ivcojitlons nnd ball Mi
jicrsnnd nra usunlly provided for gentlemen
nt garden pirtles. Thoy may m preimrtd
by tlio follonlng i-eclpcs:
To every botllo of clurot nllow ono of soda
water nud ono of lemoimdo (or half n siphon),
half ii w'lno glass of brandy nml n dessert
sKionflil of Maraschino; sweeten to tat..,
nnd, If procurable, put iu n sprig of liorago
nndn bit of cucumber ilmt, allowing tlio-n
to rcnm'ii iu tilimit u quarter ot nu hour. A
sprig of mint Just passed tliiougli oncoor
twlco is nu liiipmvcmcnt. For chainpngtin
cup, nllow to each bottloouoof seltrcr, half
a w Inn glass of brandy, n ilcssoi t stoonful of
curaciKi, ami sugar to tnsto; stir well to
gether with n largo khhii and jiour Into
glass Jugs, nnd leave In a cool placo till near
supjiortlnic. Iu wahn wpather put nlump
I oi ico in eacn jug n iow minutes la-roro re
i ipilrcsl.
Violet l'otpntirrl.
, Tho first requlslto Is a nmnll Jar, as fashion
illctntes Iu tho matter of slzo that thoy shall
lio smaller than those used for roses. To each
I layer of violets a slight sprinkling of snlt, a
layer mldcd each day until tho Jar is filled.
I When lilted add a few drops of triple extract
ot violet, nml Keep tightly closed until re
quired for, use, A correspondent of Oood
Housekeeping describes thonbovonsn moro
dainty nnd delicious addition to tho toiht
tnblo than a rtwo Jar,
I l'lowm- anil l'nilt llitsUcts.
I Iluskots for holding flower and fruits nro
, COtteil un lllinrmt nttl-nrttvustvlo n inrfl,.u.
lar fenturo of tho iinwcHt ones being tlo
ilrnjiery employed upon them, which is well
Illustrated In tho Imsket for flowers shown Id
tho cut.
UnArED KLOWKIl BAHKKT.
This basket is of fluo wlckor work or mshce,
daintily drnK-d with wide sash ribbon iu
twill or H)ngeo silk.
A handsome fruit basket for tho dining
room is circular iu form and of silver or gilt
willow work, elegantly set oil with nn
Oriental scarf ami a moiro drooping bow,
together with two roses, real or artllloial.
Vino leaves with bunches of black nud whits
grapes or currants nru deftly ontw ined round
I ho arched handle, whilst iwaches, plums,
etc., nro imuetiuwi tn moss.
Odd nnd llniiilsomn fancy Work.
Anion.'; now nnd odd things in fancy work
is leather mosaic, which npjK'nrs among io-
'ivntsiwinienaof Imgllsh decorativo work.
Tho mosaic is uswl for border, center pieces
of cushions nnd u variety of purosos.
Tlio iuoniIo consists ct squares of leather,
cut from old gloves, projierly cleaned with
benzine, nnd arranged in a pattern of vari
ous color. Tho squares nro sowed to n foun
datlon of canvas, with silk of Jho sniim color
' as tho leather, mid with ctar of clai-ol lllo
telle. Tho seauii liotwccu tho rows of
I squares nro covered with lino metal cord.
A linudsomu culilon consists of a largo
1 square center of this mosato frameil iu ii wide
border of brown plush.
Mork Cronm.
i When cream for cotTeo Is not nt hand heat
quart of new milk; then work together n
lessert spoonful of sweet butter w Ith a tea-
ttmnnrnt nf llittii ,lil,i,ilnr If ,. Itl. .. 1t.il..
I -4-v" - -, n v .,vu tt lllliu VI
tho hot milk. Add tho mixture to tho milk
l Knd bent it constantly for flvo mlutitoi while
boiling; then removo It from tho lire nud
coutiuuo to boat it for llvo luiuutes longer.
Havo ready, well beaten, very light, the
yolks of two frcih egg, nud r.dd them to thj
rrenin while hot; mix well, strain them
through iv flue slevo and afterward beat it
very light.
An Artlttlo Color for Ilcctl furniture,
Tho color of rosowood has been recom
mended ns artistic and tasteful for furalturo
of reed, canoor the like, and soiled chairs
and other pieces of plain rood or wicker
might bo done over iu this wa'y to look f resh
and now. Tho formula for tho varnish Is as
follows; To one gallon of alcohol add ono
pound each of extract of logwood, red saail
era and dragon' blood nnd half n pound of
shellac Btralu tho vnrnlsb, when dissolved,
and give, two or mero coats with a brush.
Finish with a coat or two of ordinary var
nish. MItk fur m Traveler's Lunch.
When you want to send off milk In bottle
for a traveler' lunch, two tablespoonf uls of
limo water put first into a pint bottle will,
It is claimed, keep tho milk sweet oven in hot
summor weather; cud it a wet cloth is
wrapped around tho bottlo and this covered
with a dry ono, tho milk will kce- cool into
tho bargain,
Cream rioi.
A lady famous for good cookery makes her
cream pies as follows: Ono pint of cream,
threo tablespoonf uls of sugar, ono tablespoon
ful of flour, iv little nutmeg, tho v.hlta of ono
Sff, not beatcli separately, but ctlrred thor
oughly with tho flour nud sugar. Uako with
two crusts. Uako tlowly, keeping a placa
open In tho upper crust to lot tbo steam es
cape. Cherry fahnib.
Cherry shrub (a nu old but dolightful hot
wcalbor drink. Doll tho cherrioo till tender;
train out tho Juice, nnd lo cicu quart put
ono pint of sugar. Cook fifteen minutes,
bottlo and seal the corks with was. I'ut'.n
tabkfpoonful of thin syrup iu a tumbler ami
til up with Ico waUr.
,1 ir J, -w
- .. . .. rr- .. .-.--. -..-. . . .- . .t. ... ,,MM,MMM.MM,MaMMiMa c ( ,.-?,. , ,
WHY HE WENT TO DEO EARLY,
llm Weird and Wonderful Tnlo lllo Told
In u llroiidwiiy Car.
A fluo looking gentleman with n gray nun
tncho nnd Ini'iei-inl, u -xilr of doubli eye
,'Jasr.es nud n high whllo hat, a white "I
K." necktlo mid n dlnmoml horseshoa i'nued
nil tho pasionger Iu n Droadway car thU
morning In gnr.o at him In blank nmnremciit
nnd o'kmi tholr months nnd ojes Iu won lor,
Ho was Jordan L. Mntt, and lio was telling
why ho had lo go to lied Inst Baturday even
ing nt 7 o'clock.
"I nm ii ineuibrr of tho Touawanda Fish
li.g club, ou n littlo Island down olf Long
Island," ho snld, "and I've licon down (hero
Ashing lately. I'vo lioon going thero every
soiihou for tho ast dozen yeare."
"Did you catch nny fish!" asked h gentle
man with him.
"Oh, lots ot fMi. All wo could pull In,
but 1 had to eonio nwny ou Bumlay."
"Why!"
"On account Of tho musqultoes, Tim air
was so thick with them that it was dlllloult
lo move nrounil on Baturday night. We
wcro silting on tlio front xrch of tho club
house Iu big armchairs, nml tho musqultoo
actually lifted thoo chalrit right up in tho
ulr nnd throw them nil over (ho grounds.
Why, we had to keep Jumping up nml down
nml slapping our nocks nud faces llko wild
Indians iu a war dance," and Mr. Mott, for
getting whero ho wns, U-gnu to stamp llnt
with ouo foot ami then the other, nnd to give
his nock vigorous slajis He was so carried
away by his luufgiimtlon that ho actually
looked nt tho palms of his hands for dead
imiMpiitocM.
Tho passenger.! wore very much Interested,
mid ono thin lady of mlddlo ago exclaimed,
"My! my I how dreadful,"
"Yos, sir," continued Mr. Mutt, "It wns
tho worst i-xH)rlcmo I over had. Why, when
I would cIomi my hand suddonly nnd squeeze
haul (ho musqtil ocV blood would trickloout
between my lingers nud splash on tho porch
door llko rain."
"Goo I (-melon'" exclaimed tho thin lady,
and tho conductor camo Inside to listen. Tlio
driver turned nrouud nud xked bis head In
nt tho front door, letting his bones look out
forthomiclvoji.
"Well," Mr. Mott went ou, "of course, I
couldn't stand that sort of thing long, so I
went to bod nt 7 o'clock. Think of itl
I had to go to bed at 7 o'clock, and ou
Saturday night, too. First time I'vedouo
such a thing slneo I wore bibs. It wns bor
riblo; but I got under a tuusnuito bar. nml
after a whllo tho singing of tlio musqultovs
put mo to Sieep. They made n nolso like a
Halo soughing through a cedar brako. Igttexs
I'd been nsleop nlKtut throo hours when I
woko up with a smothered feeling and found
that tho i!iupiitoos had broken down the
net ever mo with their weight I fought my
way out from under them only by dint of
tho greatest exertions."
Heavoiwl" exclaimed tbo thin lady, and
tho driver put on tho brakes nnd camo insldo
the car. Tho passengers did not seem to
notice it, for thoy nil had their eyes glued to
Mr. Mott'scxprroivo face.
"It took mo two hoars toshovo up that
musqulto bur with somo sjmrs nnd oars,"
that geuttom-in continued; and do you know
know that if Hellol we're down to Cham
bers street, and I wus to cot out nt Canal.
(lood-byf
Mr. Mott left tho cur and disapcarcd up
Droadway, tho as.M.ngers crowded to tho
windows nud platforms to look after him,
tho conductor and driver resumed their
(Hists, and tho car started down town again.
"Well, I ueverH exclaimed tho thin lady.
and a tall man answered: "No, neither did
l."-Kcw York Evening Bun.
Sunday School Humor.
I do not bellovo press sjicclmcns of Bunday
school humor nro nt nil exaggerated. What
ovcr tho reason umy lie, inwslbly Ignorance
ot tho moaning ot wonts or timidity, tho Ju
venile idea of tho Dlblo is often droll enough.
'My family is older than your," said a
)outh called Meyer ton comrade. "How
do you known wns tho reply. "Well, my
family Is mentioned In tho Dlblo tho Jerry
Meyers nml tho Nelicr Moycrn."
"Whore did Ood pluco Adam nud EvoP
asked a teuchor, "In the Garden of Even on
Mount Biuiil," was tho answer from a youth
ful mU who certainly hoped to get the prizo.
Jewish Mestcngcr.
A ltefirstiliii; Novelty.
Able Editor What's tho matter?
Foicmnu Half tho mticlo for todny's
lssuo have been pled, and it' tlmo to goto
prewi.
"What sort of articles!"
"1'olitlcal. Thero Un't a lino of pollt'cal
matter left."
"Well, fill dp with nny i.xxl miscellaneous
matter you havo standing nnd rush it out.
Wo'll havo tho boys yell 'Hero's y'r dally
paper without nny politics In It.' Every
woman In tow n w 111 buy it." Omaha World.
Two Singular l'lieiiomenu.
Altogether tho most curious effect of this
flash was produced Iu nu evening newspaper
olllco (tho Dally News). Tho bal of light is
thero credited by tho typea with "a whizzing
found nml a 'Ml !KK motion." That tho ra
liortcr wrote "zig-zag motion" nnvbndy will
concludo who will writo ".113 noa" hastily,
nnd assume that tho printer wns In n hurry
and wrought in u sad sincerity. Dut tho
typographical phenomenon is moro reniark
nblo iu its wny than tho electric Now York
Buu.
Unexampled Cruelty.
"What Is this mnn arrested fort"'
"Croolty to animals, yer 'onner," replleil
tho oflleer.
"In what did tho cruelty consist!"
"Well, yer 'onnor, ho' a hostler, and Ivcry
tolmo I goes ost tho stable I hear him
slngln' 'Whlto Wings' nnd 'Swato Vi'lits' with
tho mules nil tied up so nlver a wan av thlin
could esciqio."
"Kino htm tho limit," said tho Judge
Merchant Traveler.
In Great Luck.
Angry Customer (to Mr. Isaacstoln)
Dutcby, when I bought this suit two moutlit
ngo you said It wouldn't fado. Look ut the
color now
Mr. Isaacstcln My front, dat vas changed
pcautltully. I iron you dot snlt out for tlbree
tollur, und boobies will dink you choost
boughd a now von. New York faun.
Alvrajs n ItcrresMng Slcht.
Winks I'hewl Thermometer must be
nboSt 150.
Minks Fhowl I should say so; I'm broil
ing. Wlsli wo hud tho snow capped Hockloa
In vlow hero; but wo haven't.
"No. I'll toll you w lint we'll do. Let's go
out and look ut n pretty girl iu u white
dreM." Omaha World.
Ho Know Wlmt He Was About.
"Spieglebausju," said tho lender of tho lit
tlo Gorman band to tho trombouo, "vat for
you blays so loud! You drown der rest of
dat music."
"Moigonsteiner," returned tho trombone,
"ven 1 dou'd bluyso loud und drown tho
rest of dat muile, vo loso money; so dou'd
you forgot id l"-Lifo.
Dlaonctiantincnt.
Sho itool on tho cool plaxu
As tlio shades of orenlng fill,
iml I gaiil on tlio lorely malilin,
Kntraneed by her beauty's sll
llio Imliny nrenlng n-phyrs
riajeil with each amher tn-s,
And her azure ej us were swlrui jln j
In a si of lendurtii'sa
Her lips, Jint slightly parted.
Were tinged w Ith tlio coral's (lame,
And ! thotiRtit that her cheeks' bright Mushes
The hue of the nxwj would shame.
While Ka'lng In ndmlrrtlon
On tlio rare and radiant lass,
I thought only smvlost tnuslo
Through thone coral lips could pass.
Dut a sudden clinugo camo o'er htr",
Oouo was thesinllnKO bland,
And sho smote In sudden anger
The back of her Illy hand.
Andsho cried, "Hal hal I'vo gotyoul
You'll troublo my penco no more.
You're tho samo darned old musqulto
That 1 tried to mash before."
Tloston Courier.
rumllUr UiioIhIIoim.
"There's tnuslo Iu th bolr." Life,
Thai Hwonlflsh.
Although our early Instructor do their
best to teach us the dllTcrcnco between "sul
Ject" nnd "object," It seems that one Is likely
to becotno confused on that head, even nfter
he Is old enough to "speak" In mectln'." The
following nuocdote, told by a country "char
acter," furnishes ono of many points of inter
est in "Flvo Hundred Dollars:"
Uncle Ceha Dascom was a shoemaker,
nnd ho never went to sea much, only to an
chor his skllT In the narrows abreast of his
houstt, and catch a mess of senp, or to polo a
load of salt bay from Bonqultt Island Dut
ho used to visit Ills married daughter, In Vcr
iiiont, and up there they know ho came from
tho seaboard, nm) tbey used to call biro Capt.
Ilnscom. Boone time when be wns there,
they had n Babboth school concert, ami
nothing would do but Capt Dascom must
talk to the boys, and tell a sea yarn, and
draw a moral.
Now, Undo Ccplms wns rather pleased
with bis name of Cape Boscotn, and wanted
to Justify it. 8o bo tried to prepnro some
thing that would sound nautical It seems
he bad heard a summer boarder talk In Sal
batb school at Northbaven. He told bow a
poor lxy mlodcd his mother, and then got to
tend store and then kept store himself, aud
tho speaker added:
'That poor boy now stands before you."
So Uncle Cephas thought him up a similar
rarn. Ho had uovcr spoken In meeting bo
'oro, and ho hemmed nud hanod somo, but
jot on qulto well while lie was telling about
x certain poor lx)y, who, when ho grow up,
vas out at sea In an open boat, aud saw a
;rcnt swordllsh making for tho boat, and
bound to stave right through bor and sink
her and how this man took nu oar, and
gavo ft a swing and broke tho critter's sword
square o(T, and then Uncle Cephas bo wus a
littlo flustered by this tlmo slopjmd short,
and waved his arms, aud said:
"Dojs, what do you think! That sword
fish now stands before you I" Youth's Com
panion. A l.lKlitnlr.K I'Iiir.
Dow ii on the docks tlit other day they were
talking about a schooner which had been
siruek by lightning on Ijiko Krlo, wtien the
rvt)iter singled out an old Iwild head aud
said
"Capt. II, It seems to mo ve rcan or
heard of your brig lietug itruck.
"Yos, jIiq uHs."unwvrud tlio old fabrica
tor, after taking time to outline tlio lie fas
was lo tell
"Whore wo UT'
"Oil I'oint Aux Hnrques, about liftmen
rears ngo. eiv strange case Unit- I'rolw
tihly the only out of the liimi ever heard of."
"Give us the pat Honiara "
"Well, we were logging along down when
s thunder storm overtook us, and the very
Mi-si flash of lightning struck the deck amid
ships and bored n hole us dig ns my leg right
down through the bottom of the vessel. "
"And she foundered, of eoui-suf
"No, sir Tho water hogun rushing In, nnd
lie would have foundmed, tint theiecumea
second Audi and a holt struck my foreto'
gallant mast. It was cut all near the cap,
turned tottuiu end up, ami ns it uime (low n
it entered the hole and plugged it up ns tight
as a drum. When we got down to dry dock
we simply sawed oil either end and left the
plug In the planks."
"Did you over swear to that, captain r
"1 did, but it was Ix'fore a notary wlio
afterword wont crazy, and I have never been
quite satisfied. Is there a notary hero among
ur
Did Ton r.rtr See OneT
Tho fellow had seen ovorythlng, had got n
chip off everything, and had s'omo momento
of everything. Ilo dropped Into a littlo knot
of artists, who wcro discussing Dohomiau
llfo iu many places. As the traveler came in
quo of them was sayingr "Ah, that is tho
placo whero they mado tho 'welkin ring."
"What placo nro you talking 'about!" nsked
tho traveler. "Wo wero talking of Doko
mla." "Oh, yes; Dohomla. I know. I'vo
been thero. I'vo got ono of them." "Ono of
whutl" "Ono of them welkin rings-nu' it'
a beauty," Ban Francisco Chronicle, "
A Precocious Youth.
Foud Mamma (showing tho baby to visitor
8h-h ho's asleep. Tho littlo dnrllngl Isn't
bo tho snectost you over saw!
Visitor (in awestruck whisper) Decidedly.
Can ho talk!
Fond Mamma Talk! I should think he
could talk I Why, ho can say "goo" and
"ga" and "yow." Picked them up himself,
too. And Annotto is teaching him to say
"A-wow co," and thinks ho will havo It per
fectly In a fevv days. Dostou Deacon.
It wns chlldron's day yesterday, nnd tha
Sunday schools wero out In full forco. Dr.
Honson told children' stories how littlo
boys and girls ore not nil Jesus' lambs. Ot
courso not. "How could they bo lambs," ho
asked, "for lambs grow up to bo whati"
"Sheep," nnsworod a dozen childish voices.
"If you nro not lambj, thou what nro you!"
Inquired tho doctor,
"Kids," piped out a young Huckleberry
Finn.
"Hlght. my boy,neald tho preacher, whoro
upon, eeelng that tho nuswer was taken good
imturedly, till tho good people nnd tho littlo
children laughed. Chicago Tribune,
B-g
jfX rAj
TRAVEL VIA THE
It Is iliaiiulv lino riiunliK directly through
Denver and Hull l.uko t'lty. cnnmletoHaii
Krnurlseo nud other California points, und Is
known nn tho "rioenlo Line" lo the I'ncino
roust. Tim HiirlliiKton lloulo runs over Its
own truck everyday In the your. Uoniplote
Irnlus of Pullman I'ularo Curs not Klctfant
Day Couches between
Denver and Chicago,
Denver and Kan. City,
Denver and Omaha,
Kansas City and Peoria,
Kansas City and Chicago,
Lincoln and Chicago,
Lincoln nnd St. Louis,
Lincoln nnd Peoria,
Lincoln and Kan. City,
MnkliiK direct connection Iu Union DcimiN
for all points North. Cast, Mouth und West.
. It Is tlio t'loiu.-r Dining Cur l.luo between
Mlsouri river nnd Cliloim. Meiils onlv 71c.
The llurlliiKfui IIIiiIiik ('lira wcro built ox
prosly for tho service und mo miuiugcd en
llrclylu the Interest ofov r putmn.
IT IS TIIEdllUHT LINK DETWEEN
LINCOLN AND OMAHA.
In the Ashland (,'ut-oir, miiKlng direct con
nections with trains Tor Ht.l'ntii, Mlminpolls
Chicago nnd all hiIiiIs Cnsl nnd Northeast.
Tho dlaunims of tlio I.liienlii-Clilengii sleep
ers via this popular rnill nro nt CllyOMIco.cor.
O nnd lOtli sts., wheiu berths limy bo secured
nt nny time.
A siH'claltr Is made or Ocean Steamship Tick
ets, and parties cont plating a trip to tho old
country or desiring tom-udflir their lilendsslioiild
not full to corrosiKHid with w Our rates nro thr
lowest, and our facilities tiiiriitaltMl, as ho repre
sent euch nnd eveiy lino closing tlio Atlantic.
A.C..IHMKII,
City Puss. Aut, Lincoln.
1" H. t'KAXC-IB, tl. w. hoi uueun,
(Icn. l'nss. nnd T'kt Agt., flenernl M'ger,
Omnbii. Omaha
MMtSnlP'iMSl
THE
WestSiiore
UPOHTtAND'OREGOfM
The West Shoro Is the only Illustrated rases
zlne published on the 1'nclilc coast, and aside
from lis zc:llcnt literary features, Its object Is
to convey Information, by both pen sad pencil,
of tho great resources of this itclea, and the
progress of their development.
8)cclal illustrated articles appear In each
Issno; nlso, several pages of notes of the pro
gress being made la every section. Oregon,
Washington, Idaho, Montana, Alaska, Utah,
California, Ilrltlsh Columbia, and the Pacific
Northwest In general, are being Illustrated.
Tbo subscription prlco Is only 13.00. It Is not
only the cheapest Illustrated magazine In the
United States, but contains articles and en
gravings of great Interest to every resident of
this region, which can not be toond la any
ether publication.
HubscriDt-rs-for 1888 neeire a targe supple
ment every ratmtb. Tto nrst one la a beauti
ful deocrapb of the "Entrance to the Colum
Wa Itlvcr.-prlnted In nine colors, and each
of the others represents somo feature of onr
suhllme scenery. Tlio supplements are alone
worth moro thai tbo price of the magazine.
Try It for 18H8, and after reading, send It to
your friends elsewhere. You will lad It bona
ssucTtalnlng and Instructive.
BAMUKb, Publisher,
171-173 Setoad St, ItKtlsnd, Ortfoa.
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