Capital city courier. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1893, July 07, 1888, Image 1

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Vol,. O. No. 30
Lincoln, Nuduaska, Satukday, July 7, 1888
Phicic Kivit OrcNTa
r v
What He Sees, IIWsrs.Thlnk ami lai
urIiich. "Do you know," said an old toso hall
crank to the Observer tho other ilty, "that
if the people of Lincoln hail had gumption
enough to k6ep last year's team In the flcld
and Joined tho west rn association thoy would
have tho winning team! Now, I havo wen
nit of tho western teams play, nnd I know
what I nm talking ntotit when I nay that
Rowo's team is suterior to any of them. Why
just look whero IU old men nro this year.
Tom Dolan and Joe llerr nro with tho St.
Ixuts Drowns, Jako Rcckley with Pittsburg,
Hilly Hart with UulTalo, Bwnrtw)! with tho
Kansas City Dlues, Shaffer with Do Moines,
Davo Howo with Kansas CltyAmerlcans (un
til recently), Hoover nnd I-nngo with Chicago
Maroons, while Eddie Toohey is tho only one
who has not distinguished himself" this year.
Let 'niiyoiJo fend of "what tho toys tiro doing,
nnd then say that Lincoln would not havo
c-antured tho penant.
"No, sir," wild Walt Mason to a crowd of
admiring friends Wednesday evening, "I
havo never pounded a striking mnchlno to
ascertain tho weight of my stroke, I hnvo
never followed a bras tond with a drum
major attachment, I Uavo uovcr bet on bao
ball games, especliilly in Lincoln, I havo
never taken n drink of city water, I hnvo
never carried a Waterbury watch; In tact,
although there nro a grent mnny peoplo In
this city, I do not believe you will find but n
few llko me."
1 bcllovo that tho larger n city grows tho
less proportionate jiatriotism It shows, Take
the Fourth of July, for instance, when pa
triotic feeling is supjiosed to r'
many large cities show thut tho day is tho
anniversary of our nation's independence
In striking contrast aro the sights to to seen
In our smaller towns, where everytoly turus
out, takes pnrt in the parndo, patiently llstans
to all tho varied nights of oratory, nnd with
nolso and enthusiasm assist others to pass
away the time most pleasantly. I rode In on
the evening train from the east Wednesday,
and it did mo good to sco tho happy crowds
ntthovnrious stations along the line, the
white-robed vlllngo maidens with their at
tendant bashful swains, (as tt rulo minus a
coat) their gay laughter and ceaseless chatter,
tokens of a light heart. Tho general feeling,
I take It, was well expressed by a dumpy lit
tlo Groonwood damsel, who declared that
she "had had such a good tlmo that I don't
know whether to go to bed or not," I verily
believe that a girl of her (.tamp is the only
erM)ii I know of who ran truthfully ,say that
she'enjoys h picnic. Girls of hir class can
come homo from a days' outing full of spirits
nnd contagious merriment, while your aver
age city maiden will to tored and cross after
fimtlar experience Ono thing is certain,
though, nnd thnt is, tho Observer is golngto
huntup a pretty country cousin next year,
nnd when tho Fourth comes rouiitThe Is going
to visit her nnd'enjoy a day of Arcadian sim
plicity. I notice thnt my old ft lend, George X.
Sront of Nebrnskn City, found n gold watch
and chain on tho Chautauqua grounds tho
other day, nnd, as tho inspired reiwrter puts
it, "with commemlnblo honesty" hunted up
tho ow tier and l eturned it. George was for
merly n newspaper man, nnd I nm glad to
know thnt tho grocery business has not im
paired his honest nature.
Dentil of Will Altblti.
Mr. W. J. Aitkin breathed his last Thurs
day at his homo In this city, surrounded by
sorrowing relatives nnd friends. Tho young
man was but twenty-live years of ago, nnd
hntl tocn n resident of Lincoln nearly ten
years, being a member of the linn of Aitkin
Hros., real cstato nnd loan brokers. Of n
genial, kindly nature and siiotltsw reputation,
ho numbeied his friends by the score, nnd
was highly rcsiected tor his unblemished in
tegiltiy. It Is always sod to hear of t'w
death of one whom wo know nnd love, but
more so when like Mr. Aitkin ho is stricken
while standing on life's threshold with nil its
fruits before him, Hisdenthwns cnusisl by
hcarfdlscaso, from which ho had long been a.
siiirerer. Borne four years ago, while helping
nrrnngo the Nebraska exhibit nt tho New Or
leans exposition, ho fell and from the in juries
sustained he never recovered. Tho funeral
takes place this afternoon, from the family
residence, KJ17 F street, at 3:10 o'clock.
The Wrslvjitll faculty.
The trustees of tho Wesloynn university
have elected tho following members of the
faculty; Latin, langungo nnd literature,
Prof. A. R. Wightman, A. M.; chemistry
nnd physics, Prof. C. M. EUInwood, Ph. St.;
technology, Prof. H. G. Sedgwick, M. H.;
modem luiigunges, Prof. 1, L. Lowo, Ph. 1) :
nrt, Mrs. 1. L. Lowe, elocution, Miss Al
uieua Parker.
Tho collego will open on 8eptcml)er 25th, It
toltig expected that the building will to com
pleted then.
fourth of July Orator.
Lincoln orators wero in great demand on
thoFourth; among those whoso names could
bo ascertained wero the following who dis
coursed on the eagle's (light, cto., at tho cities
named: Rev. E. II. Chaptn at Eaglo; Rov.
Crelghtoii, Jauinicii; Charley M-igoou, Mill
don ; Mayor Sawyer, Palmyra j W. J. llryan,
Elk Creek; J. II. Strode, Plattsmouth; P. F.
Clark, Greeley Center; J. II. Archibald, Ed
gar; Albert Wntklns, Valparaiso; I. W.
tonslng, Hickman. All report hnvlng splen
did times, but the majority speak In hourso
Makes the lives of many p.'oplo miserable,
nnd often lends to s;Jf-destructioii, Wo
know of no remedy for dyspepblu moro sue
cessful than Hood's Snrsnpm Ilia. It nets
gently, yet surely ami ellHeiitly, tones tlio
stomach nnd other orguus, removes tho faint
feeling, creates n good appetite, cures licml
nche, nml refreshes the burdened mind. Give
Hood's Sarsnpurllla u fair trial. It w ill Jo
you good.
Lincoln- Omulm,
A eonclnvill hero ufter he attached to J). &
. uuiu ,i, .i iiuuiijcn lor mo ennvemem c i
of Lincoln-Omaha passengers. Local tiekuts
will bo necepted on this train, A. C. KttiMCu,
City Passenger and Ticket Agent.
.y ..
The I'latfsinouih ami Lincoln Homes! hi
Club Cr Hull,
Our champion amateur team, the Domes
tics, went down-to ltlattmouth Wodtussdav..
VxmteWngwlth therein!) of-thaftlty fortlla-
niond honors. Tho Harner brothers formed
tho tottery for Lincoln and tlm Patterson
for Plnttsmouth. The Plattamouth .ourmit
In spcAking of the game My: "It was tho
most closely contested game from start to
finish of any of the season, A uotahlo point
was tho almost jwrfoet field work of the vis
iting tonm, every ono of whom soems equal
to a professional in handling tho ball, nnd be
sides this they never forgot to act tho jierfoet
gentleman. In fielding thoy wero far sujio
riortothe home club, and their throwing to
lutsca iinsurpnssoil. Tho visitor early in tho
gnmo won tho gootl opinion of the audience
by their genteel demeanor. Tlio gamo was
witnessed by a largo crowd, who cheered
h H'.i y whenever either side made a giel
Tho Lincoln toys sjioak in tho highest term
of their treatment by tho Platlsmoutli
people. Tho gamo wns stubbornly contested
throughout, and It was only by their strong
tottery work that the I'lattsmoutli lioya won.
Tho Domestics led up to tho seventh liming,
when by timely hitting Pluttsmouth made
two rims, taking tho load, which was quickly
relinquished thti following Inning. Unfor
tunate errors by tho second bascunii In the
last half of the iluth let in two runs for
Plittsmoiith, winning the gamo. Following
Is tho
IM.ATTXM'll All It 111
Pllttonuill J O 4 II II
o'ltiuirke, :ili I n n
I'nttersonTii 4 I 1
Miller, 21. I 0 1
Jones, ir..... I n o
Cliupln, lb.., 4 'J I
Oliver, sm.. I - 1
Pollock, rf... 4 0 1 3 0 I
Total 31 1
Chlnmaii, If. 0 ll 0
Ulmmh'n. cl.
Colitiru, lb...
Ilarnes, p....
Ilarnes, c
(,'oiiKer. '.'l...
.IoIiiimiu 3b,
I 1 I
4 i I
-I 1 I
I 0 1
4 0 U
0 (I
(I 0
I 0 0
Total !I7 4 4
A Mistake.
Maude What a distinguished looking old
gentleman. lie mutt be a oeU
Blanche Or nti artitU
Distinguished 8trnngcr Will you try one
of llornblowcr's imperial cough drops. Cure
coughs, colds, licudaclio, neuralgia. Life.
Coiiclmled Not to Wnlt.
An obliging lady customer In n certain
store In one of the two cities Friday Insisted
that she always traded with tho proprietor
nnd not with mere clerk. "Rut the propri
etor Is not In," said tho clerks. "Oh, well,"
was the reply, "I'll sit right down and wait
for him." Hho waited, and as tho half hours
sped she grew Impatient. "When will bo bo
LackP slio said, loftily. "In about four
weeks, madam," was tho reply. "Ho Is now
on a business trip to Montana.1' Sbo traded
with the clerks. Ijiwiston Journal.
Now to lllni.
Our New "Roy" (whoso credentials are
coming by malli Dey"i a jonnleman down
stahrs, sah, what wan's tor sco ycr.
Oursclf Did he send up a card I
Our Boy Nosslr.
Ourself What' that In your handl
Our Roy Dar' a kylnd ob cyan!, sah, he
mo, but 'taint got no spots ontcr liit--only
spcllln', Tld Rits.
A 1'nlnfnl Spertnrlr.
A new Item states that John Murray .vhllo
nt work In a quarry, "was blown to pieces
by an explosion of dynamite and instantly
killed." It may surprise soma persons to
know that tho man no Instantly killed. It
Is an Intensely painful spoctaclo to sco a man
lingering several hours after he has bwa
blowu to pieces. Norristown Herald.
Tlio Other Klml.
I . ,
Sho Sorry to iiiIrs you tho other night
when you called, but 1 wns at a progressive
cucliro party nnd won n prlzo.
Ho (with much ineuning) Ah, but you
might hnvo done tho same at homo!
Sho Truo-Lut 1 never play for tlio Rooby,
I 'ZJiZi-4i.V -1
Htnutllng at Club In tlm League and
National usigue up to and Including Thurs
day games:
New York ,
I t W
ill .
it .MO
'JZ av
'M .W7
Ml ,HH
M .nil
87 .:7
IH.nt.iii ...... ....... t(Li
Philadelphia ,',
I'lllsliurK Ki
wnnhlllKton,.., .... ,.M
IllillMlilliolU Vi
Following Is tho standing of chilis In the
American association up to nnd including
Thursday's game:
Club l'lftvtl
Ht. touts. M
Ilmoklyn 01
Athletic Nt
CliH'hinatl M
llftlllmnre ... ,,(17
Clot-lnnd M
KaiiuiH''lty M
Iinlvlllo fH
I! I
IV-r ft.
Following Is tho standing of clubs in tho
Western nswiclatfon up to utid including
Thursday's games.
Club Played
Ht.Pmil. , A
Ih-S MOIIH-M , 41
Mr.wauki-o Irt
Kan vis City li
Uniahn i
ChleaKo 41
MllitiraiMlls 41
HI6UX city
Won tot l'er:t.
:i ir .mm
si III .111(1
.n si .mi
i Ul ..M'2
'Jl IU l.i
!U ! .MU
III -JH ..-vll
i it ,'.m
Gornian Is traveling In too fast company at
Schelldknect and Wells havo In-en sold to
Sioux City by Des Moines,
Crooks is tho most vnmablo man on tho
Omaha tonm, and their M0 was well laid
Krock apKars to to tho coming pitcher of
tho country. Ho throws n straight, siieedy
Johnson puts up n great game nt third for
tho 'K.C's. Ho makes somo phenomenal
fit oi w.
Pittsburg will soon swear by Jako Reckloy
if ho kees on knocking out two mid throe
baggers. Dos Moines lias secured their old pitcher,
Hutchinson, nnd wilt go for tho pennant In
good stylo now.
Tho Nationals went down to York Wed
nemlny, and wero defeated by a score of 16 to
li. It took nil tho six-footers nnd UUO-pound-ers
In York V) down tho toys.
The club thnt wins tho pennnnt in tho Na
tional league has n hard struggle to fore It.
Philadelphia, Detroit, Chicago, Doston, Pitts
burg nro putting up great games just now,
tho first named especially.
The plumliers of J. II. O'NcIU'h establish
ment went out to Cortland on tho 4tli, n- d
gave,' tlio ;lllb of .'that balllwlck.polritani on.
how to play tho imtlonil game. Score 'M to
:i. Fifty dollars was taken by the toy as
A number of Lincoln people witnessed the
games between Kansas City and Omaha at
tho latter city on the Fourth. Tho morning
game was well played, and Omaha won by
but a scratch. Swartael and Lovett wero tlio
opposing pitchers. Couway nnd Clarke did
the twirling in the nftornooii gnme, which
was rather exciting hut contained moro
errors than was absolutely iii-cossnry. Omaha
does not put up tho steady gams Kansas
City does.
, nattier too Appropriate.
Tho congregation of Dr. Woodbury's church
. had a (pilot laugh yesterday morning over n
llttlunccidcntal incident th.-ifcamo very near
giving tho pastor tho reputation of a humor-
1 1st. Suhicrlptloirs have lately been taken nt
tho morning services for various purposes,
and yesterday was no exception. After a
fow moments thus dovotcd to material inter
csta, Dr. Woodbury culled tho deacons to
bring their collections forward and nil
responded but ono. Him Dr. Woodbury
overlooked, nnd went on to open his Uiblo.
Just us the Into deacon slipped up to hand his
collection to tho pastor, tho reverend gentle
muu announced his text, looking tho deacon
full in the face:
"What hast thou In thlno haiidP
Tlio nudicuco caught on nnd laughed out
loud. Minneapolis Journal.
First Young Man Mado up your mind
whero you're going this summer, old toy
Hang mo If I know just whero to go. New
port's passu. Hnr Harbor's tho thing now.
Second Young Man Oh, Newport's raw
thcr jolly, after all. Lots of nlco girls nt
Newport, too; nnd hotels lint class. I gon
good deal on that. Reastly plnco for hotels,
Rar Hurtor; but It's tho proper eapor. I
supposo wo will havo to do it.
Theso young men are not scions of tho
Gould and Vnnderbllt families. Ono pre
sides nt tho glovo counter nnd tho other is in
tho cotton cloth department of Messrs. Plush
& Sattin's dry goods storo. Tid Hits.
The Crook nntl tho Photographer.
Operator (nt jiollco headquarters) Now,
I Just as you nro for n second, aud wo'Jl havo
I your phiz cold.
feuni)-Not while Pm llxed dU way, Culll-Judge,
3fe fa t j
Crook (elastic skin man from dimo mil-
.,i...,.tt, .tiVli'iy -, '.wn.y'JA.V:li H
tilling' un thelUiika uf'the llluc -Tlio
t-'uiirtii" nt tfrrlr,
July !ld was a great day nt tho city of tenia
nnd pavilion and neat cottages by tho bank
of the lllue. Fortunately the day was not In
tensely warm as on the 4th. Wo had de
lightful xephyrs must of the time. Perhaps
the ablest )ier read upon a subject In
tensely Interesting to all Americans was that
by tho chnlrman'of the Interstate co'iuuerce
commission, Judge Cooley, Tho Judgo made
a clear, distinct niiunclatlon Btidvury wn
teiico fell with Us (nil weight upon n scum
Ingly very attentive aiidltnco of urer .'l,(HJ0
Kxple, Tho genius and spirit of tho Amer
ican constitution, as ronqwinsl wih all other
attampta nt government was spendldly con
trasted and every American youth should
read this addiVHS. The only regret exprvNMsl
was Oiat so few lawyer attended, there not
tolng over two ptfn. nminlwrs of that fra
ternity on tho ground.
At ft p. in. the Judge had n reception at
"Tho lawyers' headquirters," a rustic cot
tago with a large reception room on tho first
lloornnd wide verMidaumimd theodlllro, Tho
genial mid easy iiiamier of tho Judge Im
pressed nil who wero fortun-ito enough U
mnko his H-rsounl ncipinuitnucv. Ho con
versed easily upon general topics of American
intercut, and seemed delighted with the
Chautauqua of tho West, uml the hospitable
manner In which he had been entertained by
his host, the Hon. Mr. Fohs. Wo said Chau
tauqua was a city of tents. Wo might add
that It Is nlso In the cool evening n city of
hammocks, mid they are nil used, of course
overy laddie has n lassie," and wo noticed
that tho hammock all wero well lllltsl
In the evening. Wnlkcd down to tlm riv
er's bunk, nnd hero wns u .ono of Jollity ns
each boat received Its freight of "lawn and
levity. Several score of boat ere latmcliisl
upon the "dwp," w Ith their pres-loiis freight
and anxious mothers waited until viry Into
hours for "Lulu's return."
Thosowho prefer the lecture nt tho chief
imvlllon wero generally sntlsllwl with tho How
if eloquence from eminent "readers of tho
subject of interesting history of "Alfred the
O.-eat." The "VViint of tho Hohvm, "Tho
Rloody (Jueeii Mary," or tho grim career of
John Knox the 'Scottish loformer, who was
tho Iconoclast, Rut ho stopted not nt imago
breaking, but it was deemed vandalism to do
stroy so many grand ecclesiastical structures
eloquent language of others or treatiw o.i some
which antiquarian hnvo been groaning of it
over sluco. .
Tho 'lecture umiii John Knox, by tho or
ator of tho day, was well conceived nnd
grandly delivered and Impressed nil.
WellruttivmayaMk how.tlioy Uvont Chan
tauqua. Thu reportar was an in Red guest
under tho tent of one of Lincoln' most Iiom
pltablo men. There Is no lack of tho gol
things of this life. First camo tho ico man;
secJiid, tho grocery toy; third, tho milkman;
lourin, mo watepnaii; llfth.thogarbageiuan.
Wo hnvo all the fryltft In their season, nbo
ico cream and leniona'lc of course this is a
temiieruncQ.tann and wo Imd a ladles' tern-pi-rancofeK)rtors
tl-fit near u and we had to
to unusually 'circitmsMct; any kind of n
tottlo It might bo tr camphor tottle was
looked upon with suspicion.
Our neighbor enjoined nbsoluto silence
among thu young ladles mid their tonus after
10 p.m.; but the wilful girls only kinglet nt
tho suggestion mid tho hllailty Mnsgi enter
than ever.
Thugivntday mis the 4th, ursheiisl in liy
tlm feeble nrtlllery of mull lil.d dosed with
the more brilliant and stirring pytotcchulcM
of the skies.
At 'J p.m Senator Mimdersoii ilellveiwl his
mnstei ly summary of I ho lenttiry's progress
of Ainericnii civilintiou. fvnntor Marnier
sou hud undoubtedly taken gient juilns to
prejiare this adihess mid wonro much mis
taken If It should not mid greatly to bin al
ready growing reputation as n statesman and
an orator.
Cliiiiitatiqim Is a plnco whuio nil reforinei-s
may havo a heurlng nnd every phuso of the
woman's cause may bo discussed, or cussed.
Tho (I. A. R. havo nlso n pavilion nnd tho
Fourth brought them nnd their fumllles out
in great utiintom. The day wns not so pleas
ant ns tho .'Id nnd several persons fiom Lin
coln wero sullcrers from too greut cx)ksuio
to thu sun's rnys. The day wns spent only In
Hsu-mug to oratory or music mm no one was
disposed to much exertion. Even touting
until lute in tho evening "lis abandoned and
almost every ono took to tho tents, the
grounds or to a hammock, aud tho young to
"sweet talk meaning nothing."
Thursday was editors' duy, and although
tho advertised ouitor, J. S, t'lurkson of Des
Moines, did not npcar, the iiuwsniki- gnng
had u irood tlmo. Instead, n grand concert
wns given, among tho jartlelpnnts being
Mrs. Dorr and Miss Nellie Young of Lincoln.
In tho evening Dr. Duryea lectured on "'Tho
Instinct of Animals;" the state press associa
tion met, discussed pertinent topics, and elect
ed delegates and alternates to the meeting of
tho national association nt Han Antonio. Tex ,
next Novemtor.
The meeting has U-en most successful de
spite tho Intense heat which prevailed each
day. In this connection, your reporter would
like to suggest that If tho association would
change tho date of Its meeting, aud hold It
utout a mouth earlier, It would to vastly
more to their financial toueflt. We havo
heard quite a number of tent-holders express
tho opinion that they will not return next
year, mid induce the intense heat they have
Instil subjected to the past week.
Everytoly was grout 1 disappointed that
Dr. Tatiiiugo failed to put in an npiK-urunce,
nnd some of tho state pillars even went to
the expense of printing his sermon without
ascertaining whether ho wns going to deliver
it or not. So you see there is somo consola
tion, wo can rend what he was going to av,
even though wo failed to witness the promis
ed gymnastics.
Lim-olii hits been well rcprcscntc.l hero,
nml u list of tho minion of tho- present would
pilte 1111 your Mlper.
if ou want tho fori ico cream. Hindu from
the pin est nml most dolleiously llavorwl
cream, leiiiomtor tho fo.s can to had nt tho
Vimdy KltWien," 1 13 South Twelfth street.
L. A. (low i:.
I.. D.'i. t,(.
Will get your Sunday .Mall from tho Post
olllco nnd deliver nt your house, or olllco.
Tclepliono UK).
. - -'-flnnAimirtlrli
A BllghUd Llfw.
And thl 1 the end, Ml FftherUrldgcl1
The aker waa a young man of magnifi
cent physical proportion. Ho stood erect
toforo tho fair haired glrPand looked search
iugiy.lti her.eye..,And Maud Petherbrldg
met hi gaco tinlllnchliigly tho felt In her In
nermost soul that she had never seen ft finer
specimen of athlctio manhood than Alpheu
"It Is, Mr. Hwackhammer,' she replied,
firmly, but with a Hugo of MilnrsH In her
low, musical voice and hor Iprely ovr luinlii
ous with a tender pity. "Deeply a It wlns
mo to utter tho wonls lUnt sever tho i elation
botwieu us nnd dissipate tho dream of happi
ness In which wo havo Indulged, it mutt to
"Maud Pethei bridge," exclaimed tho
young man, resolutely choking down tho
emotion that luicdcd hi utterance, "It shall
to a you with. Rut before I close thl chatt
ier In the book of my life aud go out Into tho
cheerless, monotonous existence that will
henceforth encompass mo llko n dreary and
limitless desert, I surely havo tho right to
ask you tho reason why you havo cast me
forth from your heart. Whatl It that has
como between usf
"Do not ask me. Mr. flwackhnmmcr." she
snld, In a volco of ogonlilng entreaty.
"I Insist iioii knowlugl" i
Thero was a deep aud opnrcMlvosllcnco for '
somo moments, during which tho young lady
struggled to gain her wonted clf posMsulop.
"Mr. Swackhammer," sho said nt length,
In tones of solemn conviction thnt left no
doubt of her sincerity, "I would staro you
this If 1 could, hut It Is tost, perhaps, that
you should know. Whyl Oh, why," she
hroko forth wildly, "did you havo yo'jr hair
clIpiKsl doso to your hcadf'
"I that nlll" exclaimed tho young man,
iniietuously, a ho took n step nearer. "It
will grow out ngnln"
"It is not that," sho replied, as sho mo
tioned him back with an Involuntary gesturo
and shook her head with n sigh of bitter de
spair. "I havo never told you that I nm a
student of phrenology. Yet I am. I ran
now rend your head llko an open book. Mr.
Swackhamuier, you havo no spirituality, no
sublimity, no continuity, no veneration,
Your principal faculties aro comtotlvenefn
and your allmcntlvcucss. Wo could never
tudy Drowning together. My dream i
Tho young man crushed his hat down on
liis cropped head, nnd u moment later tho
wnlls of tho princely mansions on either side
of Prnlrlo uvcutio echoed with tho sound of
his heavy tread on tho sidewalk n ho strodo
away In tho night uir. Chicago irlbiino.
Coming In.
Telegraph Lineman Hi there! What yer
dolu' up there?
Professor Zlngalln Don't git excited. I'm
on my way homo. Rccn walking slack wlro
In llubblus' circus, un' got stranded in last
town. Judge,
MWaln; a Clenulno Treat.
"Wo had nu entertainment out our way
last ovoulng. It was pretty good, only thern
was (i man who read n iocin, nnd ho rend It
to outrageously that nobody could under
stand what it wns nil ntout"
"Couldn't understand what it was nil
aboutl Why, thnt must havo been Professor
Dells llurlo, tho distinguished elocutionist.
How 1 should llko to havo been there I"
Roston Transcript.
It Was.
Ho asked for Congress water, and as the
boy ttnrted to draw it ho added:
"Certainly; wo keep right up with tho ses
sions of congress. Just camo in from Wash
ington last night." Detroit Freo Press.
A Pollto Mun.
Tho man who can retain his table manner
at a railroad restaurant, with ten minutes
for icfieshmcuU, would probably to jiollto
enough to say to tho sheriff tying tho knot,
"Pardon mo for putting you to this trouble."
Tho Eioeh.
"Oct Thero Ml."
On tho wagon sheet of a prairlo ccliooncr
that passed through Orleans, Ma, from Kan
las tho other day, bound caitward, was tho
inscription: "Tryln'Uglt back 2 my wife'
people. My name's Ell."
A Cunllnl Invitation.
Says tho weighing inaclilno to tho nickel:
"Whllo you'ro round this way drop In."
A Itemed; fur Kntelj.
A gun has been Invented that will throw a
ten pound ball eight miles. It I rumored
that tho baseball cluU are discussing tho
propriety of substituting these guns for
pitcher. Something of tho kind should be
adopted, to inako it loss dangerous for tW
catcher. Norristown Herald.
Would Improve with Time.
An agent for too sale of somo household
aitlclo attempted to mount tho steps of it
house recently, l-ut n dog camu around tho '
corner and took half a yard of cloth from tho '
bnck of his coat, Tho man was sliding out '
when tho owner of thu house c.imennd asked; i
"Diddozodog bide you.'" "Ho didn't bite
mo, hut ho ruined my coat," wns tho reply.
"Jly goot rricnil, excuse ilozo dog If ho illdn t
bide you. Ho Mi n young dog now, hut by
nnd by ho shall taLo holt of somo agents uml
eat tier pones rldooudof dem. Hn bides n
coat now, but ho shall soon do pctter." Now I
ork Commercial Advertiser.
At tho Museum.
"Well, Robbie, did you enjoy your visit to
tho museum!"
"Yes, 111111111110."
"Do you remember any of tho nlco things
you saw!"
"Oh, yes, I remember lots of thorn."
"Ami can you tell mo what they were
iit,r,mi,iTt . 'iiiii-i f uli. Itiirk- - His,i
A Riall Bey' IaUrrtalMi Mm
OaMtn Rale.
Thp (slItorT much Interested rcntly In
small toy, bt opposite In one of the up
town horse car. It waa hard to decide
whether tho toy' companion was hi mother
or elder sister, but presumably the former.
At any rate the little fellow wai in good
company, nnd the lady, whoever the waa,
w apparently pleased with ber charge.
Tho conversation was a tout a book, and after
they had been talking a llttlo while the lady
aid to him i
"I am sorry you lent thnt book of papa's.
You know he I very careful of his book,
nnd that ono came home In such a dreadful
condition. You should never lend what la
not your own."
"I know," said tho llttlo follow, "but what
In tho world are you going to do when you
havo got to do a you would to done by T
Doston Tlmea.
IMdln'i llevlvlng llnp.
Indulgent Parent l&lillo, I hare got n lot
of planting to do and work Is behind this
spring, and If you could get excused from
school th week 1 should tike your help drop
ping corn.
Eddie Well, pnpn, I am behind now with
my lessons, nnd I hnvo to study rent hard to
keep up, and I can't stay out no way, ae I
Indulgent Parent Well, Eddie, it wasn'e
exactly planting. Tho fact Is lloak I going
on n trip lUhlng fornwrok and has Invited
you to go, hut If you aro behind In studies ae
you say, 1 ngrce with you It would to bad to
Icavo school.
Kddlo-Oli, shoot tho school ; I ain't to very
far behind but what 1 can catch up In a few
slaya. Lowlston (Mo.) Journal
An Answer by Comparison.
Harry I ono of those favored children who
nro permitted to sit at table with their pa
rents, and, being of an Investigating turn of
mind, ho ha to taste everything that cornea
on or add walling to tho customary gnashing
of teeth. His last exploring expedition woe
Into tho mysteries of the salt cellar. Having
put a spoonful of salt upon his tonguo In do
(lanco of his father's wanting hi expression
of disappointment were moro than ordinarily
"Well, Harry," asked hi father when tho
uproar had subsided, "tow does It taster'
"Llko sugar don't," wns tho tearful re
sponse. Harper' Youpg People.
Heading Off limine.
"It can't bo posslblo, Robby," said hl
mother, "that you havo toon wicked onougb
to cat that whole rbuhanl pie la 1110010611
"Yes, ma; the doctor told you, you know,
that my system needed rhubarb, an' I thought
I'd better get a good doso of It down me be
fore 1 got any worse," Now York Bun.
Frank, a Doston Sunday school boy of 6
years, In reply to hit mother' expression of
surprise when she found. him pounding ft
mud turtlo with ft stono, saldi "why, I waa
trying to crack tho shell so the. poor little
turtlo could get out."
Ilascball In Darktown.
Catcher of Local Nino Say daro, yo' Mr.
Smlltl won't yo' obllgo us by jist plugging
up dat holo in da back stop wlf ono ob your
fcetf Judge,
A Weir. I Tule.
Ill tho weird precincts of tho Somowhcro a
ghostly, restless shadow roamed. "Who and
what nro youf was nikcJ. "1 nm," said tho
specter, In n hollow, sepulchral volco, "tho
ghost of Dull Thud. I ceased to exist svhen
electricity Ixxmmo tho universal modo of
capital punishment and tho gallows becamo
obsolete, toavo mo In cato to wander un
known, together with my companion spirit,
tho ghost of Sickening Thud." Pittsburg
Cold Wen titer.
Tho latest regarding tho uxtromo cold on
tho Yukon Is this: A miner states that sev
eral times during tho Inst winter ho went out
and knocked tho frozen smoke from tho limbs
of tho trees that hung over his cabin, for
fcr, as tho smoko ascending from tho chim
ney all collected ami frozo thero, that Ita
weight would break tho limbs oft and crush
In tho cabin roof, Juneau Free Press.
Up uml Down of Life.
It is said that ono pound of banana corf
talus moro nutriment than tlirco pounds of
meat. And yet meat will build a man up,
whilo a small piece of banana will bring ft
man dowu. Yonker Statesman.
How Ha Survived.
. .-SrX f I Hl"l
Tramp-Won't you glvo u little something
to nu old hero of tho tottlelbUU I h.ivo sur
vived four wars.
Stranger (luuidlngliini somo money) How
did you do It!
Tramp (after pocketing tho money) Keps
out of 'cm. Tc.-tu Sittings,
- I hilfts Wi t't'i:- i-' I '-f :tft"iiilffMilMlff"
l5. . -rJ ti
- - r iTiic. vt.)M4 - -r
JifLfc?- 7 1v53K -a