'Wifwpww i Cl CAPITAL CITY COURI ER fii n, Vol,. O. No. 30 Lincoln, Nuduaska, Satukday, July 7, 1888 Phicic Kivit OrcNTa AlflWPi AN OBSERVERS THOUGHTS. COMMENTS AND OPINIONS IN TYPE. r v What He Sees, IIWsrs.Thlnk ami lai urIiich. "Do you know," said an old toso hall crank to the Observer tho other ilty, "that if the people of Lincoln hail had gumption enough to k6ep last year's team In the flcld and Joined tho west rn association thoy would have tho winning team! Now, I havo wen nit of tho western teams play, nnd I know what I nm talking ntotit when I nay that Rowo's team is suterior to any of them. Why just look whero IU old men nro this year. Tom Dolan and Joe llerr nro with tho St. Ixuts Drowns, Jako Rcckley with Pittsburg, Hilly Hart with UulTalo, Bwnrtw)! with tho Kansas City Dlues, Shaffer with Do Moines, Davo Howo with Kansas CltyAmerlcans (un til recently), Hoover nnd I-nngo with Chicago Maroons, while Eddie Toohey is tho only one who has not distinguished himself" this year. Let 'niiyoiJo fend of "what tho toys tiro doing, nnd then say that Lincoln would not havo c-antured tho penant. "No, sir," wild Walt Mason to a crowd of admiring friends Wednesday evening, "I havo never pounded a striking mnchlno to ascertain tho weight of my stroke, I hnvo never followed a bras tond with a drum major attachment, I Uavo uovcr bet on bao ball games, especliilly in Lincoln, I havo never taken n drink of city water, I hnvo never carried a Waterbury watch; In tact, although there nro a grent mnny peoplo In this city, I do not believe you will find but n few llko me." 1 bcllovo that tho larger n city grows tho less proportionate jiatriotism It shows, Take the Fourth of July, for instance, when pa triotic feeling is supjiosed to r'uahlghust.how many large cities show thut tho day is tho anniversary of our nation's independence In striking contrast aro the sights to to seen In our smaller towns, where everytoly turus out, takes pnrt in the parndo, patiently llstans to all tho varied nights of oratory, nnd with nolso and enthusiasm assist others to pass away the time most pleasantly. I rode In on the evening train from the east Wednesday, and it did mo good to sco tho happy crowds ntthovnrious stations along the line, the white-robed vlllngo maidens with their at tendant bashful swains, (as tt rulo minus a coat) their gay laughter and ceaseless chatter, tokens of a light heart. Tho general feeling, I take It, was well expressed by a dumpy lit tlo Groonwood damsel, who declared that she "had had such a good tlmo that I don't know whether to go to bed or not," I verily believe that a girl of her (.tamp is the only erM)ii I know of who ran truthfully ,say that she'enjoys h picnic. Girls of hir class can come homo from a days' outing full of spirits nnd contagious merriment, while your aver age city maiden will to tored and cross after fimtlar experience Ono thing is certain, though, nnd thnt is, tho Observer is golngto huntup a pretty country cousin next year, nnd when tho Fourth comes rouiitThe Is going to visit her nnd'enjoy a day of Arcadian sim plicity. I notice thnt my old ft lend, George X. Sront of Nebrnskn City, found n gold watch and chain on tho Chautauqua grounds tho other day, nnd, as tho inspired reiwrter puts it, "with commemlnblo honesty" hunted up tho ow tier and l eturned it. George was for merly n newspaper man, nnd I nm glad to know thnt tho grocery business has not im paired his honest nature. Dentil of Will Altblti. Mr. W. J. Aitkin breathed his last Thurs day at his homo In this city, surrounded by sorrowing relatives nnd friends. Tho young man was but twenty-live years of ago, nnd hntl tocn n resident of Lincoln nearly ten years, being a member of the linn of Aitkin Hros., real cstato nnd loan brokers. Of n genial, kindly nature and siiotltsw reputation, ho numbeied his friends by the score, nnd was highly rcsiected tor his unblemished in tegiltiy. It Is always sod to hear of t'w death of one whom wo know nnd love, but more so when like Mr. Aitkin ho is stricken while standing on life's threshold with nil its fruits before him, Hisdenthwns cnusisl by hcarfdlscaso, from which ho had long been a. siiirerer. Borne four years ago, while helping nrrnngo the Nebraska exhibit nt tho New Or leans exposition, ho fell and from the in juries sustained he never recovered. Tho funeral takes place this afternoon, from the family residence, KJ17 F street, at 3:10 o'clock. The Wrslvjitll faculty. The trustees of tho Wesloynn university have elected tho following members of the faculty; Latin, langungo nnd literature, Prof. A. R. Wightman, A. M.; chemistry nnd physics, Prof. C. M. EUInwood, Ph. St.; technology, Prof. H. G. Sedgwick, M. H.; modem luiigunges, Prof. 1, L. Lowo, Ph. 1) : nrt, Mrs. 1. L. Lowe, elocution, Miss Al uieua Parker. Tho collego will open on 8eptcml)er 25th, It toltig expected that the building will to com pleted then. fourth of July Orator. Lincoln orators wero in great demand on thoFourth; among those whoso names could bo ascertained wero the following who dis coursed on the eagle's (light, cto., at tho cities named: Rev. E. II. Chaptn at Eaglo; Rov. Crelghtoii, Jauinicii; Charley M-igoou, Mill don ; Mayor Sawyer, Palmyra j W. J. llryan, Elk Creek; J. II. Strode, Plattsmouth; P. F. Clark, Greeley Center; J. II. Archibald, Ed gar; Albert Wntklns, Valparaiso; I. W. tonslng, Hickman. All report hnvlng splen did times, but the majority speak In hourso tones. DjNpi'P'lll Makes the lives of many p.'oplo miserable, nnd often lends to s;Jf-destructioii, Wo know of no remedy for dyspepblu moro sue cessful than Hood's Snrsnpm Ilia. It nets gently, yet surely ami ellHeiitly, tones tlio stomach nnd other orguus, removes tho faint feeling, creates n good appetite, cures licml nche, nml refreshes the burdened mind. Give Hood's Sarsnpurllla u fair trial. It w ill Jo you good. Lincoln- Omulm, A eonclnvill hero ufter he attached to J). & . uuiu ,i, .i iiuuiijcn lor mo ennvemem c i of Lincoln-Omaha passengers. Local tiekuts will bo necepted on this train, A. C. KttiMCu, City Passenger and Ticket Agent. .y .. I .tn-.-,.....?.. A PRETTY GAME. The I'latfsinouih ami Lincoln Homes! hi Club Cr Hull, Our champion amateur team, the Domes tics, went down-to ltlattmouth Wodtussdav.. VxmteWngwlth therein!) of-thaftlty fortlla- niond honors. Tho Harner brothers formed tho tottery for Lincoln and tlm Patterson for Plnttsmouth. The Plattamouth .ourmit In spcAking of the game My: "It was tho most closely contested game from start to finish of any of the season, A uotahlo point was tho almost jwrfoet field work of the vis iting tonm, every ono of whom soems equal to a professional in handling tho ball, nnd be sides this they never forgot to act tho jierfoet gentleman. In fielding thoy wero far sujio riortothe home club, and their throwing to lutsca iinsurpnssoil. Tho visitor early in tho gnmo won tho gootl opinion of the audience by their genteel demeanor. Tlio gamo was witnessed by a largo crowd, who cheered h H'.i y whenever either side made a giel play." Tho Lincoln toys sjioak in tho highest term of their treatment by tho Platlsmoutli people. Tho gamo wns stubbornly contested throughout, and It was only by their strong tottery work that the I'lattsmoutli lioya won. Tho Domestics led up to tho seventh liming, when by timely hitting Pluttsmouth made two rims, taking tho load, which was quickly relinquished thti following Inning. Unfor tunate errors by tho second bascunii In the last half of the iluth let in two runs for Plittsmoiith, winning the gamo. Following Is tho HCOIIK. LINCOLN All II III IM.ATTXM'll All It 111 Pllttonuill J O 4 II II o'ltiuirke, :ili I n n I'nttersonTii 4 I 1 Miller, 21. I 0 1 Jones, ir..... I n o Cliupln, lb.., 4 'J I Oliver, sm.. I - 1 Pollock, rf... 4 0 1 Keese.cf 3 0 I Total 31 1 Chlnmaii, If. 0 ll 0 Ulmmh'n. cl. Colitiru, lb... Ilarnes, p.... MeAlllstor.rf Klmeicr,ss Ilarnes, c (,'oiiKer. '.'l... .IoIiiimiu 3b, I 1 I 4 i I -I 1 I I 0 1 4 0 U 0 (I (I 0 I 0 0 Total !I7 4 4 A Mistake. Maude What a distinguished looking old gentleman. lie mutt be a oeU Blanche Or nti artitU Distinguished 8trnngcr Will you try one of llornblowcr's imperial cough drops. Cure coughs, colds, licudaclio, neuralgia. Life. Coiiclmled Not to Wnlt. An obliging lady customer In n certain store In one of the two cities Friday Insisted that she always traded with tho proprietor nnd not with mere clerk. "Rut the propri etor Is not In," said tho clerks. "Oh, well," was the reply, "I'll sit right down and wait for him." Hho waited, and as tho half hours sped she grew Impatient. "When will bo bo LackP slio said, loftily. "In about four weeks, madam," was tho reply. "Ho Is now on a business trip to Montana.1' Sbo traded with the clerks. Ijiwiston Journal. Now to lllni. Our New "Roy" (whoso credentials are coming by malli Dey"i a jonnleman down stahrs, sah, what wan's tor sco ycr. Oursclf Did he send up a card I Our Boy Nosslr. Ourself What' that In your handl Our Roy Dar' a kylnd ob cyan!, sah, he mo, but 'taint got no spots ontcr liit--only spcllln', Tld Rits. A 1'nlnfnl Spertnrlr. A new Item states that John Murray .vhllo nt work In a quarry, "was blown to pieces by an explosion of dynamite and instantly killed." It may surprise soma persons to know that tho man no Instantly killed. It Is an Intensely painful spoctaclo to sco a man lingering several hours after he has bwa blowu to pieces. Norristown Herald. Tlio Other Klml. I . , i-o- Sho Sorry to iiiIrs you tho other night when you called, but 1 wns at a progressive cucliro party nnd won n prlzo. Ho (with much ineuning) Ah, but you might hnvo done tho same at homo! Sho Truo-Lut 1 never play for tlio Rooby, -Life, foliar. I 'ZJiZi-4i.V -1 SPORTING NOTES, Htnutllng at Club In tlm League and AhcInoiii. National usigue up to and Including Thurs day games: "Club ChlCSKO lH-troit New York , Played I t W tWi Won !W an si XI m IH 18 Lost IN IVrCt. ,I1H0 ill . it .MO 'JZ av 'M .W7 Ml ,HH M .nil 87 .:7 IH.nt.iii ...... ....... t(Li Philadelphia ,', I'lllsliurK Ki wnnhlllKton,.., .... ,.M IllillMlilliolU Vi ,. Following Is tho standing of chilis In the American association up to nnd including Thursday's game: Club l'lftvtl Ht. touts. M Ilmoklyn 01 Athletic Nt CliH'hinatl M llftlllmnre ... ,,(17 Clot-lnnd M KaiiuiH''lty M Iinlvlllo fH Won 87 II ill 81 V!i ill 1(1 IH lMt III '.'I I! I ill .10 :i7 :w w IV-r ft. .nm ,u .Ml .171 Mi .nio Following Is tho standing of clubs in tho Western nswiclatfon up to utid including Thursday's games. Club Played Ht.Pmil. , A Ih-S MOIIH-M , 41 Mr.wauki-o Irt Kan vis City li Uniahn i ChleaKo 41 MllitiraiMlls 41 HI6UX city Won tot l'er:t. :i ir .mm si III .111(1 .n si .mi i Ul ..M'2 'Jl IU l.i !U ! .MU III -JH ..-vll i it ,'.m i DIAMOND DUHT, Gornian Is traveling In too fast company at Umaha, Schelldknect and Wells havo In-en sold to Sioux City by Des Moines, Crooks is tho most vnmablo man on tho Omaha tonm, and their M0 was well laid out. Krock apKars to to tho coming pitcher of tho country. Ho throws n straight, siieedy toll. Johnson puts up n great game nt third for tho 'K.C's. Ho makes somo phenomenal fit oi w. Pittsburg will soon swear by Jako Reckloy if ho kees on knocking out two mid throe baggers. Dos Moines lias secured their old pitcher, Hutchinson, nnd wilt go for tho pennant In good stylo now. Tho Nationals went down to York Wed nemlny, and wero defeated by a score of 16 to li. It took nil tho six-footers nnd UUO-pound-ers In York V) down tho toys. The club thnt wins tho pennnnt in tho Na tional league has n hard struggle to fore It. Philadelphia, Detroit, Chicago, Doston, Pitts burg nro putting up great games just now, tho first named especially. The plumliers of J. II. O'NcIU'h establish ment went out to Cortland on tho 4tli, n- d gave,' tlio ;lllb of .'that balllwlck.polritani on. how to play tho imtlonil game. Score 'M to :i. Fifty dollars was taken by the toy as winner. A number of Lincoln people witnessed the games between Kansas City and Omaha at tho latter city on the Fourth. Tho morning game was well played, and Omaha won by but a scratch. Swartael and Lovett wero tlio opposing pitchers. Couway nnd Clarke did the twirling in the nftornooii gnme, which was rather exciting hut contained moro errors than was absolutely iii-cossnry. Omaha does not put up tho steady gams Kansas City does. , nattier too Appropriate. Tho congregation of Dr. Woodbury's church . had a (pilot laugh yesterday morning over n llttlunccidcntal incident th.-ifcamo very near giving tho pastor tho reputation of a humor- 1 1st. Suhicrlptloirs have lately been taken nt tho morning services for various purposes, and yesterday was no exception. After a fow moments thus dovotcd to material inter csta, Dr. Woodbury culled tho deacons to bring their collections forward and nil responded but ono. Him Dr. Woodbury overlooked, nnd went on to open his Uiblo. Just us the Into deacon slipped up to hand his collection to tho pastor, tho reverend gentle muu announced his text, looking tho deacon full in the face: "What hast thou In thlno haiidP Tlio nudicuco caught on nnd laughed out loud. Minneapolis Journal. Undecldeil. First Young Man Mado up your mind whero you're going this summer, old toy Hang mo If I know just whero to go. New port's passu. Hnr Harbor's tho thing now. Still Second Young Man Oh, Newport's raw thcr jolly, after all. Lots of nlco girls nt Newport, too; nnd hotels lint class. I gon good deal on that. Reastly plnco for hotels, Rar Hurtor; but It's tho proper eapor. I supposo wo will havo to do it. Theso young men are not scions of tho Gould and Vnnderbllt families. Ono pre sides nt tho glovo counter nnd tho other is in tho cotton cloth department of Messrs. Plush & Sattin's dry goods storo. Tid Hits. The Crook nntl tho Photographer. Operator (nt jiollco headquarters) Now, I Just as you nro for n second, aud wo'Jl havo I your phiz cold. feuni)-Not while Pm llxed dU way, Culll-Judge, .TJTTl I 3fe fa t j Crook (elastic skin man from dimo mil- .,i...,.tt, .tiVli'iy -, '.wn.y'JA.V:li H CHAUTAUQUA ASSEMBLY. A LETTER FROM A CORRESPONDENT. tilling' un thelUiika uf'the llluc -Tlio t-'uiirtii" nt tfrrlr, July !ld was a great day nt tho city of tenia nnd pavilion and neat cottages by tho bank of the lllue. Fortunately the day was not In tensely warm as on the 4th. Wo had de lightful xephyrs must of the time. Perhaps the ablest )ier read upon a subject In tensely Interesting to all Americans was that by tho chnlrman'of the Interstate co'iuuerce commission, Judge Cooley, Tho Judgo made a clear, distinct niiunclatlon Btidvury wn teiico fell with Us (nil weight upon n scum Ingly very attentive aiidltnco of urer .'l,(HJ0 Kxple, Tho genius and spirit of tho Amer ican constitution, as ronqwinsl wih all other attampta nt government was spendldly con trasted and every American youth should read this addiVHS. The only regret exprvNMsl was Oiat so few lawyer attended, there not tolng over two ptfn. nminlwrs of that fra ternity on tho ground. At ft p. in. the Judge had n reception at "Tho lawyers' headquirters," a rustic cot tago with a large reception room on tho first lloornnd wide verMidaumimd theodlllro, Tho genial mid easy iiiamier of tho Judge Im pressed nil who wero fortun-ito enough U mnko his H-rsounl ncipinuitnucv. Ho con versed easily upon general topics of American intercut, and seemed delighted with the Chautauqua of tho West, uml the hospitable manner In which he had been entertained by his host, the Hon. Mr. Fohs. Wo said Chau tauqua was a city of tents. Wo might add that It Is nlso In the cool evening n city of hammocks, mid they are nil used, of course overy laddie has n lassie," and wo noticed that tho hammock all wero well lllltsl In the evening. Wnlkcd down to tlm riv er's bunk, nnd hero wns u .ono of Jollity ns each boat received Its freight of "lawn and levity. Several score of boat ere latmcliisl upon the "dwp," w Ith their pres-loiis freight and anxious mothers waited until viry Into hours for "Lulu's return." Thosowho prefer the lecture nt tho chief imvlllon wero generally sntlsllwl with tho How if eloquence from eminent "readers of tho subject of interesting history of "Alfred the O.-eat." The "VViint of tho Hohvm, "Tho Rloody (Jueeii Mary," or tho grim career of John Knox the 'Scottish loformer, who was tho Iconoclast, Rut ho stopted not nt imago breaking, but it was deemed vandalism to do stroy so many grand ecclesiastical structures eloquent language of others or treatiw o.i some which antiquarian hnvo been groaning of it over sluco. . Tho 'lecture umiii John Knox, by tho or ator of tho day, was well conceived nnd grandly delivered and Impressed nil. WellruttivmayaMk how.tlioy Uvont Chan tauqua. Thu reportar was an in Red guest under tho tent of one of Lincoln' most Iiom pltablo men. There Is no lack of tho gol things of this life. First camo tho ico man; secJiid, tho grocery toy; third, tho milkman; lourin, mo watepnaii; llfth.thogarbageiuan. Wo hnvo all the fryltft In their season, nbo ico cream and leniona'lc of course this is a temiieruncQ.tann and wo Imd a ladles' tern-pi-rancofeK)rtors tl-fit near u and we had to to unusually 'circitmsMct; any kind of n tottlo It might bo tr camphor tottle was looked upon with suspicion. Our neighbor enjoined nbsoluto silence among thu young ladles mid their tonus after 10 p.m.; but the wilful girls only kinglet nt tho suggestion mid tho hllailty Mnsgi enter than ever. Thugivntday mis the 4th, ursheiisl in liy tlm feeble nrtlllery of mull lil.d dosed with the more brilliant and stirring pytotcchulcM of the skies. At 'J p.m Senator Mimdersoii ilellveiwl his mnstei ly summary of I ho lenttiry's progress of Ainericnii civilintiou. fvnntor Marnier sou hud undoubtedly taken gient juilns to prejiare this adihess mid wonro much mis taken If It should not mid greatly to bin al ready growing reputation as n statesman and an orator. Cliiiiitatiqim Is a plnco whuio nil reforinei-s may havo a heurlng nnd every phuso of the woman's cause may bo discussed, or cussed. Tho (I. A. R. havo nlso n pavilion nnd tho Fourth brought them nnd their fumllles out in great utiintom. The day wns not so pleas ant ns tho .'Id nnd several persons fiom Lin coln wero sullcrers from too greut cx)ksuio to thu sun's rnys. The day wns spent only In Hsu-mug to oratory or music mm no one was disposed to much exertion. Even touting until lute in tho evening "lis abandoned and almost every ono took to tho tents, the grounds or to a hammock, aud tho young to "sweet talk meaning nothing." Thursday was editors' duy, and although tho advertised ouitor, J. S, t'lurkson of Des Moines, did not npcar, the iiuwsniki- gnng had u irood tlmo. Instead, n grand concert wns given, among tho jartlelpnnts being Mrs. Dorr and Miss Nellie Young of Lincoln. In tho evening Dr. Duryea lectured on "'Tho Instinct of Animals;" the state press associa tion met, discussed pertinent topics, and elect ed delegates and alternates to the meeting of tho national association nt Han Antonio. Tex , next Novemtor. The meeting has U-en most successful de spite tho Intense heat which prevailed each day. In this connection, your reporter would like to suggest that If tho association would change tho date of Its meeting, aud hold It utout a mouth earlier, It would to vastly more to their financial toueflt. We havo heard quite a number of tent-holders express tho opinion that they will not return next year, mid induce the intense heat they have Instil subjected to the past week. Everytoly was grout 1 disappointed that Dr. Tatiiiugo failed to put in an npiK-urunce, nnd some of tho state pillars even went to the expense of printing his sermon without ascertaining whether ho wns going to deliver it or not. So you see there is somo consola tion, wo can rend what he was going to av, even though wo failed to witness the promis ed gymnastics. Lim-olii hits been well rcprcscntc.l hero, nml u list of tho minion of tho- present would pilte 1111 your Mlper. Hi'ineiiilter, if ou want tho fori ico cream. Hindu from the pin est nml most dolleiously llavorwl cream, leiiiomtor tho fo.s can to had nt tho Vimdy KltWien," 1 13 South Twelfth street. L. A. (low i:. I.. D.'i. t,(. Will get your Sunday .Mall from tho Post olllco nnd deliver nt your house, or olllco. Tclepliono UK). . - -'-flnnAimirtlrli uiili. A BllghUd Llfw. And thl 1 the end, Ml FftherUrldgcl1 The aker waa a young man of magnifi cent physical proportion. Ho stood erect toforo tho fair haired glrPand looked search iugiy.lti her.eye..,And Maud Petherbrldg met hi gaco tinlllnchliigly tho felt In her In nermost soul that she had never seen ft finer specimen of athlctio manhood than Alpheu Swackhatnmer. "It Is, Mr. Hwackhammer,' she replied, firmly, but with a Hugo of MilnrsH In her low, musical voice and hor Iprely ovr luinlii ous with a tender pity. "Deeply a It wlns mo to utter tho wonls lUnt sever tho i elation botwieu us nnd dissipate tho dream of happi ness In which wo havo Indulged, it mutt to .lone." "Maud Pethei bridge," exclaimed tho young man, resolutely choking down tho emotion that luicdcd hi utterance, "It shall to a you with. Rut before I close thl chatt ier In the book of my life aud go out Into tho cheerless, monotonous existence that will henceforth encompass mo llko n dreary and limitless desert, I surely havo tho right to ask you tho reason why you havo cast me forth from your heart. Whatl It that has como between usf "Do not ask me. Mr. flwackhnmmcr." she snld, In a volco of ogonlilng entreaty. "I Insist iioii knowlugl" i Thero was a deep aud opnrcMlvosllcnco for ' somo moments, during which tho young lady struggled to gain her wonted clf posMsulop. "Mr. Swackhammer," sho said nt length, In tones of solemn conviction thnt left no doubt of her sincerity, "I would staro you this If 1 could, hut It Is tost, perhaps, that you should know. Whyl Oh, why," she hroko forth wildly, "did you havo yo'jr hair clIpiKsl doso to your hcadf' "I that nlll" exclaimed tho young man, iniietuously, a ho took n step nearer. "It will grow out ngnln" "It is not that," sho replied, as sho mo tioned him back with an Involuntary gesturo and shook her head with n sigh of bitter de spair. "I havo never told you that I nm a student of phrenology. Yet I am. I ran now rend your head llko an open book. Mr. Swackhamuier, you havo no spirituality, no sublimity, no continuity, no veneration, Your principal faculties aro comtotlvenefn and your allmcntlvcucss. Wo could never tudy Drowning together. My dream i over." Tho young man crushed his hat down on liis cropped head, nnd u moment later tho wnlls of tho princely mansions on either side of Prnlrlo uvcutio echoed with tho sound of his heavy tread on tho sidewalk n ho strodo away In tho night uir. Chicago irlbiino. Coming In. Telegraph Lineman Hi there! What yer dolu' up there? Professor Zlngalln Don't git excited. I'm on my way homo. Rccn walking slack wlro In llubblus' circus, un' got stranded in last town. Judge, MWaln; a Clenulno Treat. "Wo had nu entertainment out our way last ovoulng. It was pretty good, only thern was (i man who read n iocin, nnd ho rend It to outrageously that nobody could under stand what it wns nil ntout" "Couldn't understand what it was nil aboutl Why, thnt must havo been Professor Dells llurlo, tho distinguished elocutionist. How 1 should llko to havo been there I" Roston Transcript. It Was. Ho asked for Congress water, and as the boy ttnrted to draw it ho added: "Isltfrcshr' "Certainly; wo keep right up with tho ses sions of congress. Just camo in from Wash ington last night." Detroit Freo Press. A Pollto Mun. Tho man who can retain his table manner at a railroad restaurant, with ten minutes for icfieshmcuU, would probably to jiollto enough to say to tho sheriff tying tho knot, "Pardon mo for putting you to this trouble." Tho Eioeh. "Oct Thero Ml." On tho wagon sheet of a prairlo ccliooncr that passed through Orleans, Ma, from Kan las tho other day, bound caitward, was tho inscription: "Tryln'Uglt back 2 my wife' people. My name's Ell." A Cunllnl Invitation. Says tho weighing inaclilno to tho nickel: "Whllo you'ro round this way drop In." Exchange. A Itemed; fur Kntelj. A gun has been Invented that will throw a ten pound ball eight miles. It I rumored that tho baseball cluU are discussing tho propriety of substituting these guns for pitcher. Something of tho kind should be adopted, to inako it loss dangerous for tW catcher. Norristown Herald. Would Improve with Time. An agent for too sale of somo household aitlclo attempted to mount tho steps of it house recently, l-ut n dog camu around tho ' corner and took half a yard of cloth from tho ' bnck of his coat, Tho man was sliding out ' when tho owner of thu house c.imennd asked; i "Diddozodog bide you.'" "Ho didn't bite mo, hut ho ruined my coat," wns tho reply. "Jly goot rricnil, excuse ilozo dog If ho illdn t bide you. Ho Mi n young dog now, hut by nnd by ho shall taLo holt of somo agents uml eat tier pones rldooudof dem. Hn bides n coat now, but ho shall soon do pctter." Now I ork Commercial Advertiser. At tho Museum. "Well, Robbie, did you enjoy your visit to tho museum!" "Yes, 111111111110." "Do you remember any of tho nlco things you saw!" "Oh, yes, I remember lots of thorn." "Ami can you tell mo what they were called!" iit,r,mi,iTt . -i.il 'iiiii-i f uli. Itiirk- - His,i ON LIFE'S THRESHOLD. A Riall Bey' IaUrrtalMi Mm OaMtn Rale. Thp (slItorT much Interested rcntly In small toy, bt opposite In one of the up town horse car. It waa hard to decide whether tho toy' companion was hi mother or elder sister, but presumably the former. At any rate the little fellow wai in good company, nnd the lady, whoever the waa, w apparently pleased with ber charge. Tho conversation was a tout a book, and after they had been talking a llttlo while the lady aid to him i "I am sorry you lent thnt book of papa's. You know he I very careful of his book, nnd that ono came home In such a dreadful condition. You should never lend what la not your own." "I know," said tho llttlo follow, "but what In tho world are you going to do when you havo got to do a you would to done by T Doston Tlmea. IMdln'i llevlvlng llnp. Indulgent Parent l&lillo, I hare got n lot of planting to do and work Is behind this spring, and If you could get excused from school th week 1 should tike your help drop ping corn. Eddie Well, pnpn, I am behind now with my lessons, nnd I hnvo to study rent hard to keep up, and I can't stay out no way, ae I sec. Indulgent Parent Well, Eddie, it wasn'e exactly planting. Tho fact Is lloak I going on n trip lUhlng fornwrok and has Invited you to go, hut If you aro behind In studies ae you say, 1 ngrce with you It would to bad to Icavo school. Kddlo-Oli, shoot tho school ; I ain't to very far behind but what 1 can catch up In a few slaya. Lowlston (Mo.) Journal An Answer by Comparison. Harry I ono of those favored children who nro permitted to sit at table with their pa rents, and, being of an Investigating turn of mind, ho ha to taste everything that cornea on or add walling to tho customary gnashing of teeth. His last exploring expedition woe Into tho mysteries of the salt cellar. Having put a spoonful of salt upon his tonguo In do (lanco of his father's wanting hi expression of disappointment were moro than ordinarily vociferous. "Well, Harry," asked hi father when tho uproar had subsided, "tow does It taster' "Llko sugar don't," wns tho tearful re sponse. Harper' Youpg People. Heading Off limine. "It can't bo posslblo, Robby," said hl mother, "that you havo toon wicked onougb to cat that whole rbuhanl pie la 1110010611 "Yes, ma; the doctor told you, you know, that my system needed rhubarb, an' I thought I'd better get a good doso of It down me be fore 1 got any worse," Now York Bun. Ileasonable. Frank, a Doston Sunday school boy of 6 years, In reply to hit mother' expression of surprise when she found. him pounding ft mud turtlo with ft stono, saldi "why, I waa trying to crack tho shell so the. poor little turtlo could get out." Ilascball In Darktown. Catcher of Local Nino Say daro, yo' Mr. Smlltl won't yo' obllgo us by jist plugging up dat holo in da back stop wlf ono ob your fcetf Judge, A Weir. I Tule. Ill tho weird precincts of tho Somowhcro a ghostly, restless shadow roamed. "Who and what nro youf was nikcJ. "1 nm," said tho specter, In n hollow, sepulchral volco, "tho ghost of Dull Thud. I ceased to exist svhen electricity Ixxmmo tho universal modo of capital punishment and tho gallows becamo obsolete, toavo mo In cato to wander un known, together with my companion spirit, tho ghost of Sickening Thud." Pittsburg Bulletin. Cold Wen titer. Tho latest regarding tho uxtromo cold on tho Yukon Is this: A miner states that sev eral times during tho Inst winter ho went out and knocked tho frozen smoke from tho limbs of tho trees that hung over his cabin, for fcr, as tho smoko ascending from tho chim ney all collected ami frozo thero, that Ita weight would break tho limbs oft and crush In tho cabin roof, Juneau Free Press. Up uml Down of Life. It is said that ono pound of banana corf talus moro nutriment than tlirco pounds of meat. And yet meat will build a man up, whilo a small piece of banana will bring ft man dowu. Yonker Statesman. How Ha Survived. fbvA . .-SrX f I Hl"l Itir Tramp-Won't you glvo u little something to nu old hero of tho tottlelbUU I h.ivo sur vived four wars. Stranger (luuidlngliini somo money) How did you do It! Tramp (after pocketing tho money) Keps out of 'cm. Tc.-tu Sittings, - I hilfts Wi t't'i:- i-' I '-f :tft"iiilffMilMlff" -J MM l5. . -rJ ti t-j-W'iW&ipfvrM - - r iTiic. vt.)M4 - -r JifLfc?- 7 1v53K -a 1 A 4 uf