Nebraska Newspapers

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NYK AT T1IK CAPITAL.
HE
DIOCOUnSES ON THE METHODS
OF WASHINGTON BARBERS.
Ills Harrow Inn Ktporlenen with i Safety
Itiwor An Interesting Conversation II"
Overheard In tho Timwirlnl Clmll Tim
Unit nnil Hotels of Washington.
When 1 got off tlio Pennsylvania train yi
terday I wont to it barber shop boforo I did
anything cla I hnvo a thick, Venetian nil,
chtnclillln board, which grows vory rnpldly,
and which glvo mo n funny nppoarnnco
very twenty-four lionn, unless l place mv
tolf frequently In tho liniid of tlio tartar
At first 1 used to shnvo myself, but I rut my
solf to plow In such n sickening mnnnor,
without seeming to Impede tho growth of tho
rich mid foxy lienrd, tlmt until Inst miminor
I gave up being my own tartar. At that
tlmo I was presented with ft wifoty raror,
which tho manufacturer Mid would not cut
my faeo, because It wm lmowlblo for It to
cut anything except tho taonl Tho
Mfoty nuor resembles In nppenranco sov
crnl other tollot nrtloles, such ft tho
poke shave, tho rond scrajior, tho enn
openor, tho lawn inowor nnd tho turbluo
water wheel, but It docs not look llkoft rntor.
It alio look llko a wpot stmor somo, nud
reminds ino of ft inonkoy wronoh. It la Mid
that you can shnvo yourself on n train If you
will um thli Instrument. I tried It ouco Imt
winter whllo going west. In fact, I took tho
trip largely to seo If ono could shnvo on tanrd
tho trnln wfoly with this rasor, I bad no
special trouble. At least 1 did not cut oir
any features that 1 enrod anything about, but
1 wo dlsapiwInUxl In tho results and nlso In
tho length or tlmo consuiuod In donning tlio
nuornftor 1 gut through. I wiw shaving
mysolf only from Forty-second street to Al
bany, but it took mo from Altany to Omaha
topullthomrornwrtandtodigoutthoco-1(liwil(nton(
aglllaiou iniiivr nun win mw , iiviim mi"
1 now employ a valot, whoso nnino I Patrla
McOlorla. Ho Iron my trousers, shave and
dresses mo nnd mows tho lawn.
ldld not fall Into n vory gaudy tartar
shop.
It woo a plain structure, with beautiful
Mnaparllla picture horo and there on tho
walls and ft faint odor of rancid pomntum
and overworked hair restorative.
Thoro woro threo chair richly upholstered
In two ply carpeting of tomo Inflammatory
huo, with largo vine nud tho kind of flowers
which grow on carjxsU but nowbero else, I
bavo seen blossoms woven Into Ingrain ear
pot, varying In color from n dsad black to
tbo color of a bepatUed lung, but I bavo '
never aeon ono that remlndodino of anything .
I ovtr mw in nature, Tho chair I Mt In nlso
had springs In It Thoy wero tnndo of selec
tions from tho Washington monument.
Tlio barber who waited on mo asked mo If
I wanted a shave, A groat many .tartars
ask mo this during tbo yonr. Sometimes thoy i
do it from hnblt nnd sometimes thoy do it to
brighten up my llfo nnd bring a smllo to my
wan chock. As I havo no hair, tho thinking
tnlnd naturally and by a direct courso of
reasoning arrives at tlio conclusion that whon
1 go inio s usrirr mviisiiu viiuiu mw n uinu ,
I do so for tho purposoof getting shaved and
Dot with tho Idea of having my fortune told
or my deposition taken. Htlll tartars con
tinue to ask mo this question and look at each
other with 111 concoaiod mirth.
I said yes I would llko a shnvo unless ho
preferred to tnko my tompornturo or amuse
me by making a death mask of himself. He
then began to strap a largo razor with a
doublo shufllo movement and to slzo nto'upat
tke somo time. Ho wa a colored man, but
be hnd lived In Washington a long tlmo nnd
know a great deal moro than ho would If hie
lot bad fallen olsowhenv Ho spoko with some
reeling and fed mo with about the most on
paUitnblo lather I think I ever participated
In, Ho nlso did an odd thing when ho wont
for tho second tlmo over my faco. I novor
bare noticed tho custom outeldo of thnt shop.
Most tartars, in making the second trip over
a customer's face, moJtcn ono side at a tlmo
with a spongo or tho damp hand as thoy go
along, but in this coso u largo quantity of
lather was put in tny oar, ana, as no neeiica
it, ho took out what ho required from tlmo to I
tlmo, using his finger llko n (mint brush and
spreading on tho lnthor as ho wont along. Bo j
accurately has ho learned to meusuro tho i
quantity of lather which an ear will hold '
that whon bo got through with mo and I went '
away thcro was not over a tiiblespoouful in
either ear and possibly not that much.
Whllo 1 Mt in thochnlr I heard n man, who
eetnod to ta in about the third chnlr from
me. taj'tug that a certain bill numbered so
and so bod been roforml to a certain com
mittee and would undoubtedly bo roportod
favorably, if so, It would in Its regular
ordor come up for discussion and reach n voto
so and sa 1 was charmed with tho man's
knowledge of tbo condition of affairs in both
houses and tho exact status of all threatened
legislation, because I always havo to stop' and
think a good whllo taforo I can tell whether
a bill originates on tho floor of tho houso or
In the rotunda.
I could not sco tills man, but I Judged thnt
he was a senator or wrgoant-at-arms. He
talked for somo tlmo about the condition of
national affairs, and finally somo ono said
something about ovolution, I was perfectly
wrapped up in what ho was uylng, nud re
membered distinctly how ho referred to
Herbert Spencer's definition of ovolution as
a change from indotlnlto, incoherent homo
geneity to definite, coherent heterogeneity
through continuous differentiations and in
tegrations. When 1 nroso from my chair aud looked
over that way I mw that tho gentleman who
had been talking on tho condition of congres
sional legislation was a colored hotel porter
of Washington, who was gottlng shaved la
ihe third chair, and tho man who was dis
cussing tbo merits of ovolution was tbo col
ored man who was shaviug him.
As snrius warms up tho air about Wash
ington tho heating npparatus about tho Capi
tol building begins to relax its interest, and
now you can visit roost any part of the
stately pile without being scrambled in your
own embonpoint,
1 tallovo this unnatural heat to ta tho
cause of much 111 health among our law
makers, aud I freely admit that tho un
healthy surroundings of Washington aud the
groat contrast between tbo hot air of tho
capltol and tho cold air ouuldo havo dono a
great deal towards keeping mo out of the
senate. Tbo night air of Washington Is also
filled with midarin, and Is much worse than
any night nlr I have over used taforo.
I am staying at the house, which has
boon recently refitted and refurnished, bos
eloctrlo tails, a both room, elevutor nud mod-
erato rates. It Is a splendid hotel. I leave
tho mime blank, and tho proof reader can in-
" . ' . .. .. ..... .
aert the name or any nouu m wasmngion
which ho thinks tho aLovo glowing descrip
tion would apply to. Bill Nye's Washington
Letter to Now York World.
A Great Commercial Truth.
Johnny (whoso father is nn editor) Bay,
Mr. Storekeeper, do you keep sugar, code,
"its, calico aud things!
Btorekoeper Certainly, my boy.
.Johnny Yes, and pa says you will keop
unless you advertise. Tld bits. . ,.
finrA.
Tbo other day n man woi walking slowly
up .Miami nviuuQ and encountered n man
v alUiiK hurriedly down. Thoy ran Into each
ollinr, tatli drew olT and npologlted, and the
irnu In n hurry nddcdi
"I've Ihniii so mad nil tho morning I
couldn't ii' straight,"
"Nothing serious, I hopn."
"Well, my wlfo bad soma photo taken nnd
tho art 1st inadn n tatoh Jolt. I'm now on my
wny topuni'h hi head."
"Can Iscothimi!"
They were, exhibited, and after ft careful
ln)xH.'t Iim tho gi'iilloinnn saldt
"My friend, you nro way oir. Tho work I
well done, nud you ought to ta proud of your
wlfo' looks."
"Uoyoii nieuiifir'
"Certainly. Thorn nro not ton a hand
Homo women lu Detroit."
"Hluwl"
"It n fact, and thd work Ii that of n
ivil nrtlst, Vou should Iki inoro than witls
lle.1." "Well, I declare 1 I guess l'vo lioen too
hasty, and I'll drop tho matter right horo.
Olnd I didn't punch the photographer's
head."
"Yes, so am I," mIi! tho other to himself a
liu went his way,
It wn tho nrtlst himself. Detroit Freo
I 'row.
Tiistn. Not Necessity.
Philanthropist (In tho olllco of nn old
friend, a building contractor) John, If I had
to 1 1 vo mi blood money a you do I'd retlro
nud start n )x'uuut stand.
Successful Uulliler lllood inoneyl What
do you mean)
"Look nt thoso houso plans you'ro studying
over now, uilsvriihlu hovels, twenty in a row,
pic Mil m clow together that not oven n ily
could get tatweou them, horrlhlo little dons
with room no), big enough to stretch out lu,
nochnuco for air, clenullueM or anything
else. I It any wonder Nopu crowded to-
riit1ll tlittf -rtl Ifid kltiuituwl
In vlco nnd
1y womlur t10 unfortimnto
poor
"Poor I (Irent Cnwir, man, tho plan nro
for rich men's cottages at summer resorts."
"Olil" Oinnhn World.
Tim l'nllit of II.
Jones hnd mnrrlod tho jircttlcst woman In
town and Drown had mnrrlcd tho homeliest
and thought Mio was beautiful. Ono owning
they woro talking uliout their reioctlvo tat
ter halves, and 11. n'inarkiil:
"I My, Jones, I think you nnd I married
tho two prot lest women lu town."
Jouch lookul ut him lu surprlso n moiuput,
but ho saw bo wis Horloux.
"Well," ho replied, coutlouMy, and with
tatlil.t it T mt.tu nisi ntmtif lulls' trrlif nlll
I i, ' ' '
llrown didn't seo tho point until ho told his
wife, Washington Critic.
Deafness n I'leusiire.
"I am told, sir, that you nro qulto hard of
hearing."
"Your information was correct, but what
about UP
"I can euro doafnoKS In n mouth, nnd if I
can't euro yen I will charge nothing."
"Why, I wouldn't ta cured for a thoumnd
I dollars."
"You wouldn't! Why notl"
i "My daughter plays tho piano." Nebraska
Htnto Journal.
At Old I'olnt r.nnfort.
Young Ijidy (lii hotel olllco, uneasily wait
ing for uniform nud buttons to coino over
from tho fort) Why doesn't that mini comof
I don't want to sit around hero nil morning
holding my hands.
Clerk (blushing, but tald) Utn or I tag
your pardon, Miss, but if it would ta any nc
comtnodatloii 1 could hold your hands for
you. Washington Critic.
Another Huportltlon.
Ailclcnt Diiuio No, Indeed, we'll not cele
brate our diamond wedding, not with my
conxcut, it's unlucky.
Hustaud Never heard of thnt taforo.
"It's so. I ivmemtar half u dozen couples
who cclebrntod diamond weddiiigs and they
didn't any of 'em llvo ten year." Omaha
World.
Who They Worn for.
"Why, thee are not tho shoes I ordered.
exclaimed tho lady of tho house, with ex
treme voxation ; "this is a pair of 10 French
kid. I can't afford such shoes as these."
"Deg pardon, madam," said tho niosengor,
respectfully; "but yoti'vo opened tho wrong
package. This W jwilr is your. Tlio other
wa ordered hy tho hired girl." Chicago
Tribune.
No Time to Ioe.
Examiner (to graduating medical student)
If you should make n mistake aud glvo a
patient nn overdone of tartar emctio what
would you iloi
Student Try to buy up tho coroner, ChV
cugo Tribune,
A Vuinlly Man.
"Aro you n man of family, slrP ho said to
a timid llttlo chap, w ho hjd n nervous way
of looting over His snoutuer.
"Yes, sir," was tho reply; "my wife has n
husband nnd four children." Now York
Bun.
A Light Luncheon.
Customer (to waiter) Here, Johu, take
my ordor. Doof soup, cup of coffee, roost
lnmh, baked Ihmiiis, onions, tomatoes, cu
cnnitare, ininco plo nn' ta hpry about II.;
my train loavcu in jtut U minutes. Llfo.
A lllomly Trugedy ut l'.vory Clip,
Sanlou will have to look to his laurels as a
orollllo producer of plays. There is n Park
f ""'f who Yry tlTnu! he s,mV0" y0U
I lirlnrra nut n naw kIihii. Jiidee.
brings out a new piece, Judge.
A Homely Adugo Illiutrnteil,
A certain fat man within ten miles of Bur
lington lias a very thin wife. Tho boys have
nicknamed them "enough" nud "too pare,"
Burlington Free Press.
Appropriate.
Somo tramp recently decorated, In tho
nlebt. tho great door of Sing Sing (N. Y.)
prison v-ijh tho legend, "Hair cu white
wait." Exchamro.
S . fiJSiT
2 fey " .
HE WAS ADMITTED.
Tho Future Mayor (lot In ami the CTiow
I'riirei'ileil.
Will J, Davis, or tho llnymarkct theater,
tell of ft night of minstrelsy In a California
town In lYlnluum valley, Ho wan manager
of tho show, which was given lu n skating
rink, op)KMlto n com field. Tho averago
California!! wn not unllku tho nverngu Chi
cago theater goer between net. Ho bad tho
sumo thirst, the only tlinoroiico talng that
tho Callforuliin hnd further to go for his
elixir Mr. Davis, knowing smoothing of tho
character of tho California!! carrying hi
K)lut, bad niked tho olty marshal of tho ,
town to occupy a sent with him In tho tax
ofllco. Tho rush out between acta had ro
turned, and Mr. Davis was preparing to
count up. A typical miner presented him
self, whittling with a knife, tho blado of
which was six Inchon long. "You know mol"
said tho Callfornlau.
Mr. Davis said ho hadn't tho honor,
"I was lu nnd went out," tho Callfornlau
remarked, turning olf another shaving. i
Mr. Davis asked him for hi chock,
"You didn't glvo mo no chock," Mid tho
man with tho knife. j
"Hog your pardon," remarked tho Chicago i
man, who tagnn to feel that ho was a long I
way from home.
"I'm goln' In," Mid tho Callfornlau, "and
It you try to stop mo I'll tnko this horo knlfo
nnd lay your liver out whoro tho oro ws'll pick
nt It. D'yo understand, you hatched faced,
long oared curiosity from tho east?"
Mr. Dnvl nudged tho town marshal, who
got up nud looked out of tho window, "Is
thnt you, llllir" ho asked of tho Callfomlan.
"Y-s, It's mo, and I ain't got no check."
Tho town mnrshal turned to Mr. Davis and
Midi "Well, If Hill Miysyou didn't glvo him
no check you didn't. And I reckon It's best
for tho show to let him go in."
And Dill went lu and put his feet on tho
back of n man who sat in front of him, but
thcru wa no disturbance. "It was tho pvneo
fuloht show I ovor gave," mIi! Mr. Davl. "I
was In that town somo tlmo nf tcr that and I
heard that Dill luul been elected mayor."
Chicago Times.
Riionttrngnnient A It Is,
Patient Do you think It is anything seri
ous, doctor f
Physician Nothing but a slight lesion in
tho muscles of your tack, Tako that medl
ciuo and you'll ta all right to-morrow.
Patient What makes you walk so funny,
Door
Physician I've hadntackacho for threo
weeks. Judge
llclnff Nelgliborly.
"I'll tat l'vo got somo of tho meanest
neighbors n follow ovor hnd," said a man yes
terday to somo half dozen loungers; "tlioy'ro
always on tho borrow. Ono family in parti
cular send everyday or two Torn cup of
browned coffee of which wo keep only tho
rory tiest nnd then returns, In placo of it, n
most inferior article, Wo'ro going to head
'em off on that, though; thoy owe us a cup
now, and when thoy fetch it homo, wife's
going to Bet it away and loan it to 'em
again I" and he chuckled with Influlto satis
faction. "Well, sir," continued another, nfter n
pause, "my wlfo has a worso neighbor than
that. Bho moved Into our neighborhood
about a month ago, nnd in a fow days bor
rowed n cup of sugar. Whcu sho returned
it, it wasn't nearly so fulL After two or
threo such experiences, my wlfo sot tho cup
away, nnd when (slio returned for anothor
loan, sent tack tho Miuo qunntlty. It was
still lighter when It wa returned, nnd nfter
two weeks passing back and forth, my wife
handed it out nt last with less than a spoon
ful in it."
"How much was in it when tho woman
Rent it homoP queried n listener.
"Not asinglo grain I thoy had washed the
cup 1" Detroit tress lTcss.
Tbo Placo to Trade.
Stranger (to tailor) You'vo got a
nice
stock of goods bore.
Tailor (rubbing his hands) Thero's nothing
llko it this sldo of tho Atlantic ocean, sir.
Btnuijor Pvo Ikhii told that your prices
aro about right, too.
Tailor Yes, sir; tho prico I put on a suit
of clothes is n great lnjustico to my wlfo nnd
family. Now, thero is n lino of spring nud
summer goals of my own imtiortation, nnd
I paid cabin passage ratvs to get 'cm hero.
That diagonal, the manufacturer assures mo,
was mado exclusively for tho Prlnco of
Wnles, and only got into my lot by mistake
no offered mo big money to get tho goods
back for fear of International complications.
Stranger x ou don't say sol
Tailor Yos, sir. But I laughed at him.
When I got hold of n good thing it goes to n
customer every tlmo if I loso monoy on it. I
B'poso you will want a nlco, stylish spring
suit, and then something for warm weather I
Strnuger N-no. I guess not this morn
ing. I wus trying to get out of tho way of a
milk wagon too suddenly n fow momenta
ago, and I want to get a suspender button
sowed on. New York Sun.
Wasn't Used to It.
A traveler was eating supper in tho stuffy
saloon of a Cli6apcaku bay steamboat, nnd
when ho hnd finished tho meal, tho waiter
brought a linger bowl, with that extra touch
of colored politcuo which preceded tho ex
pected fee, Tho guest moistened his lingers
aud lips from tho bowl, nud thou a look of
surprlbo overspread his face. "What is
thatp ho askciL "Water, sah." "It's kero
sene." "Water, rah." "I tell you it's koro
seno," bald tho guest angrily, as tho fumes of
cool oil nroso from his mustache nud lingers.
"What do you tako mo for! Do you think
mymustacho U a lump wick! May ta you
think I want to ta a torch llflht procoslonP
"Salir "Tako this stutr nwiiy, I tell you,"
thundered tho oil covered tourist. Tho tor
r I lied waiter obeyed, and a moment later rc
amxrared with another bow), said trem
blingly! "I reckon you was right, sah. I
dono gnvo you the bowl what tho lamps drip
in, Mh.n Tbo Argonaut.
Something for Hint to Ponder Over.
MUi Blunt I'm told that you havo made
up your mind to remain a bachelor all your
llfo, Mr. Ivnobchower.
Mr. IC I-aw-tag your pawdon, Mlth
Blunt; 1 no vali awtbowlsod such a, state
ment. Ml B. Then I must havo bocn misin
formed. Mr. IC Who-nw-told you tho?
ML B. I wasn't told in exactly thoso
woit, but 1 was told thnt you hod expressed
a determination novcr to marry any girl who
JW Vn9W. -o than yourself.-Bcton Courier
I
Wanted Another Pair.
Tho senior senator from Delaware, Mr,
Baulsbury, I a gay bachelor of 7 1, for whoso
attentions half tho widows In Washington
ulna Ho Is very tall nnd very thin. Ho It
also very chnrltnblU Ho sent tho other day
n tax of his cnstoir rlothlni? to n committal I
formed for the relief of tho sulTerom by tho
woHtorn floods. nterdoy so, at least, tho
story as told by ono of his wicked colleagues
goes ho roti'lvtil tho following communica
tion lu his tunili
"Tho I'ommitty man giv mo, amongst other
things, "lit ho called n iaro of pants, and
'twould make mo pant somo to wear 'cm. I
found your namo and where you live In ono
of tho sx;kot.i. My wlfo laffod so when I
showed 'em to her that I tho'tsho would bavo
a conltMhuu lit. She wants to know if thero
live and breathe a man who has legs no
bigger than that, Bho sod if thoro was ho
ortor ta taken up for vagrlnsy, for having no
vislblo moans of support, I couldn't got 'em
on my oldest boy, so I used 'cm for gun cases.
If you hov another paro to sjviro my wlfo
would llko to get 'em to hnng up by tho sldo
of tho lira placo to keep tho tongs In." Now
York Trlbunii
"Next."
Ho marched Into an lusurnnco ofllco on
Or Is wold street, olntod to his empty tloovo
nnd Midi
"Lost It nt Antlotnm."
"Your nniiT' tpiorled tho clerk.
"Certainly. I was at what Is now known
as Durnsldo bridge. McClollan rodo up to
mo and asked mo to hold that brldgo at all
hazards. I told him I'd do It orporlsh. Leo
Font down a wholo brlgado against mo."
"Dut you hold UP
"No. sir. I was wounded nnd forced back."
"You werol You didn't porlsh after prom
ising McClollan you wouldl"
"No, sir."
"Then I can do nothing for you,
Very i
sorry for tho loss of your arm, but whon n
mau makes n squaro promlso bo should keep
It, You might cnil noxt door. Thoy always
glvo thirty days' credit thoro." Detroit Freo
Pross.
riicrilltiantt's riiorvnut I'lianoy I'lilonreil.
"PhnlrestPhloni,"wrotoaiiamorous youth
who Is smitten with tho phonctlo craze,
"phorover dlstuks your phoars, nnd phly
with ono whoso phorvent pliancy is phlxed
on you alone. Phrlonds pliatnlly phathor
phorgot them, nnd think only of the
phollclty of tho phuturo. Phow phollows nro
so phiutidiousns your Phcrdlnnud; sopholgn
notphonilnesslf you phoel it not. Phorcgo
phrollc nnd answer phinnlly, Phlorn."
"Oh, Pherdlimnd, you pliooll" was phalr
Phlora's curt reply. Galveston Nows.
An Anilcted Fmiittr.
"I wondor what's wrong nt tho Pahlerlos'
mansion I Tbo bolls nro all muffled, the sldo
wnlk's covorod with matting and tho doctor
just drove away."
"Why, haven't you heard! Their pug has
pneumonia." Llfo.
Iliul Not Helped Him.
Two men sat tasldoeach oMior on n rail
way train. Ono of them, putting down a
mngazlno, remarked:
"That serlos of articles, 'Books That Havo
nelped Mo,' has engaged tho nttontlon of
somo of tho loading literary men of the
country."
"So Pvo beard," tho other man replied
"Have you read any of tho articlosP
"No."
"But you havo of ton thought of books that
havo helped you, I daro say!"
"No, I don't read books, nud nm tueroforo
not helped by them. I read tho titles of
books, but never turn tho loaves."
"You must ta n busy man."
"I am," wild tho man who only glanced nt
tho titles. "I nm tbo book reviewer for Tho
Boston Literary Worlil." Arkansaw Trav
eler. Chlnesn Logic
A gentleman who is visiting town for a
few days carried to a "heathen Chinee" of
laundry proclivities n bundlo of linen which
ho wished to havo washed within a short
tlmo, Tho washerman took tho package aud
promised that it should ta ready for Tuesday
evening. Tho strnuger was unablo to call on
Tuesday, but on Wednesday bo presented
himself and asked for his linen, only to bo
told that It was not ready.
"Not ready," ho returned, impntlontly.
"Why, you promised to have it ready last
night,"
"Yes," tho Chinaman nnswored, with a
smllo as child llko nnd bland as his languago
was unreproducablo in print, "but you didn't
como after it lost night." Boston Courier
Very Sympathetic.
Jiggers I am informed that poor Faker is
dying.
Jaggors Shouldn't wonder. Ho was sink
ing rapidly when I saw him.
Jiggers What was tho troublo with him!
Joggers Trying to learn to swim in six
feet of water. Idea.
Good .Excuse.
"Jones usod to bo ono of tbo quietest men
going," said Smith tho othor day, "mild nnd
inoffensive, but now I hear thnt bo is con
stantly in hot water with his neighbors."
"Well, you know," said Brown, "Jones
bought a dog n short tlmo ago." Boston
Courier.
Sho Missed All Tlmt.
Evo was spared ono affliction that casts a
gloom over tho lives of many of her daugh
ters: Adam novcr bored her with stories of
tho jolly times bo used to havo whon bo was
a boy. Boston Courier.
A Good Sulject.
Young Mr. Fresh (complacently) Did you
seo that littlo articlo in lost Sunday's paper
uboutmo, miss tiaiinoi
Miss Sallno Why, no, Mr. Fresh; what
was it, a humorous articlo I Tho Epoch.
An Vndomestlcuted Touguo In Iloston.
First Bostonlan Do you sneak any foreign
languagof
Second Bostonian Yes; one.
First Bostonlan What is itf
Second Bostonlan English, Tld Bits.
"41 kJ WiiSS1 1?
f3-.. .fijHVttlVCHVNfiTlxrTXyRttSr
Nrrrnus llenttli nf Ministers.
Among minister wo find tho "clergyman
throat," which Is generally supposed to bo tho
consequence of tho oxhaustlou of nervous
enorgy Another cnuso for this troublo ha
lately Ik-cii suggcsUxluThntof speaking with
tho head low on tho chest, tho position which
preachers naturally aisumo when addressing
tliolr congicgallons bolow thorn Members
of this profesidon nro, as n rulo, long lived.
Bonio of them suffer mora or liw from
mental strain, nud tlicro I u certain monot
ony lu their II vo which must bosomowhnt
depressing. Tlmo hns wrought somo change
in that fraternity which must hnvo had n
Military effect. Tho strict nud rigid rule of
action which society ouco wovonround them,
nnd which must hnvo been, to a certain ox- i
tent,) detrimental to nervous health, hnvo i
been relaxed somowhat, and tho preacher of I
today has greater freedom. I
As n result, It Is safo to sy that ho escapes I
iomo of the dangers to which thoso who hnvo
gono taforo him woro subjected. It (swell '
known that thoy wero quite prono to becomo I
tnolnucholla Htlll tho laliors of ministers
aro tho tax uKn tho nervous system, and wo
occasionally hoar of ono breaking down.
Tho ovll effects aro, howovor, as a rulo, com-
batted by tcinjicrato living, good habits, and
n complacency which characterizes many of I
them It has been accepted that tho affoc- '
tloni which specially dlsablo tho clergymen
aro dlntatls, nervous heart troublo, rheuma
tism, nourulgin, insomnia and melancholia.
Herald of Health.
Ten Drinking nml tlio Teeth.
Somo years since, when on duty at re
cruiting stations In tho north of Englnnd, I
took observations on tho great amount of dls
oasonnd loss of tho teeth existing among the
cIukh of men who offered themselves, it bo
enmo n causo of reflection of itself In great
numbers. As far us Inquiries went 1 was lod
to truco It to tho working classes lu tho
manufacturing towns, and this went on all
through tho day, whether with food or not.
In fnut, Instead of 5 o'clock tea being tho in
vention of tho upper classes, it was found to
exist to nn Injurious extent in tho working
classes long boforo that tlmo. Ten seems to
havo a tieculiar tendency to causo hyporo
mla in tho tooth sacs, lending to inflamma
tion, nnd ovontually, abscess of tho fang,
with, of course, dcntralgla at every stage.
Whether this special tendency was duo to
tbclno or tannin having an clectlvo nfllnlty
for dentine, it Is not posslblo for mo to say.
It would ta curious to know if medical men,
practicing in such manufacturing districts,
liad observed tho deterioration of tooth to be
coincident with tea drinking. British Medi
cal Journal
A Corps of Volunteer Seainoti.
Last winter ono of our yacht clubs, to all
appearances appreciating tbo serious condi
tion of trilling into which the sport had
fallen, organized a series of lectures on
marlno topics by officers of tho navy, and
formed out of its own nnd other yacht clulis
n body of men who desired to ncqulro a moro
Intimate acquaintanceship than tho clubs
themselves afforded. Tho genornl idea was
to form a corps of oxpcrlonccd volunteer
seamon, who could, if aii emergency demand
ed it, servo tho country afloat to a similar
purposo to that of tho militia ashoro. Tho
iwrtlclpators In this movement proposo, if
posHlblo, to go oil on a cruise In a real ship,
under command of a naval ofllccr, and to
learn by oxporlenco wtat tho lifo and duties
of a real Bailor are, so thnt thoy may ta
qualified for posts of command should the
necessity arise. Tlio idea is a good ono, and
will, it is to bo hoped, ta diligently nnd suc
cessfully carried out. Alfred Trumblo In
Now York News.
Tho fSpnrrmr Frst In ailehlgnn.
No state has oxorclscd mora good senso con
cerning the sparrow pest than Michigan. That
stato offers one cent bounty for each sparrow
killed. Theso birds attack overy crop,
whether fruit or cereal everything above
tho grouniL Thoy will oven eat tho astrin
gent berries of tho black thorn, which no
othor bird was ovor known to consume. They
aro multiplying and spreading, and aro as
pernicious to civilization as an nrmyof Huns.
Thoy must ta destroyed, nnd somo induce
ment must ta hold out to tho boys to tako
hold of tho mutter. Ono cont a head will
probably do It, In towns there should ta
clubs of thoso who will offer tho bounty
requisite, Tho dead birds aro excellent out
ing. Thcro is no waste in killing thorn.
Globo-Dcmocrnt.
Ho Avoids Harsh Language
Francis Murphy, tho temporanco rovlvnl
ist, attributes much of bis success to tho fact
that whllo speaking he novor permits himself
to say n harsh or unkind word about tho
drunkard or nbout tho saloon keoticr. A
quotation from the Talmud Rooms to fit in
hero: "Thy friend has n friend, and thy
friend's friend has a friend; ta discreet."
Now York World.
Dr. Tanner's foundling Hospital.
Dr. Tanner, of fasting f umo, has established
a foundling hospital In Now Mexico. It isto
bo conducted on vegetarian principles and
will hold forty infants. Tho doctor expects
to mako good tempered children nud long
lived ones by feeding them ou a vegotablo
diet and only onco a day. Chicago Tribune,
Grunt's First American Ancestor.
A deed for a plecoof land lu Windsor,
Conn., has recently como to light, which is
mado valuable and interesting by tho fnct
that it bears tho namo of Matthow Grant,
tho first American ancestor of Qon. Grant.
Its date is April 0, 1001. Now York World.
Novelties In China.
Special china sots, for uso In country
houses, aro novelties. Each plcco takes tho
shapo of a natural object, so that one Ilnds
potatoes in n big cabbage bead and straw
berries In a delicately turned up oak leaf.
Chicago Herald.
Counterfeit NlcUnls.
Counterfeit llvo cont pieces aro being cir
culated In towns along tho Hudson river.
Thoy aro reported to ta clumsily executed,
aud somo of them are bo brittle Mint thoy can
ta broken by tho pressure of tho uvuL New
York Letter.
A Vnung Novelist.
Dufllold Osborne, author of "Tho Spell of
Ashtnroth," recently Issued, is not yet 110. He
is a graduate of Columbia collogo, Is wall read
in many branches of literature, and has a
pronounced fondness for athlotlcs.--New
York World.
An Oriental Itallroail.
European capitalists propoho to build a
railroad from Bagdad to Constantinople.
Tho distance Is 1,4000 miles, and it Is estimated
that tho cost of the road would ta16,000,-
000, Foreign liOttcr.
Pennsylvania stands nt the head of tho list
of states in tho nillenco of electrical railways,
her quota being tweuty-ono miles as compared
to tbo Empire state's slxtoen miles.
Gen. nnncock's grave Is in n secluded and
isolated comer of the cemetery at N orris
town, Pa., and la entirely unmarked by slab
or tomb.
i
THE
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lErrrr;
pESg
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P0nTLANO.;On.tGOH'
The West Shore Is tho only lllimtrated maps
:lno unbllsheil en tlio I'aclflc const, nnd sslilo
from Its excellent lltcrnnr features, llsnlilcct Is
to convoy Information, by both cn and iwncll,
of tlio pott resource of this reclon, and the
progress of their development.
8ccls1 lllustraUtl nrtlcles sppesr In each
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Wftililngton, Idaho, Montana, Alaska, Utah,
California, Ilrltlsh Columbia, and the Pacific
Northircrt In general, aro bring Illustrated.
Tlio subscription prlco Is only f 3 on. It Is not
only tho chraKst ilhutrated magazine In the
United States, hut contains artlcloa and en
gravings of great Interest to every resident of
tula nylon, which can not bo found In any
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Subscribers for 16H1 rccclro a largo supple
ment every month. Tho first ono Is a beauti
ful oleograph of tho " Kntrancc to the Colum
bia lllvcr," printed In nlno colors, and each
of the others represents somo feature of our
lubllmo scenery, Tho supplements are alone
worth moro than tho prlco of tlio magazine.
Try It for 1HSH, and after reading, send It to
your friends elsewhere. You will Cnd It both
entertaining and Instructive.
L. SAMUEb, Publisher,
171-173 Second St., Portland, Oregon.
FAST MAIL ROUTE.
DAILY TRAINS 2
TO
Atchison, Leavenworth, St. Joseph, Kansas
i, Cltv, St. Louis nnd nil points South,
East and West.
S-Thc direct line to Ft. Scott, Parsons,
Wichita, Hutchinson nnd nil principal
points lu Kansas.
JThc only road to the Great Hot Springs
of Arkansas. Pullman Slkkplks and
Fkkk Rkclininij Ciiaiii Caks nn all
trains.
H. G. HAM, R. P. R. MILLAR,
City Tkt Agent, Gcn'l Agent.
Cor. O nnd 12th Sts.
mem
'MllWAUKEE,
'STBAffL
aSM
owns and operates r.o00 miles of thoroughly
nulppcil road In Illinois, Wisconsin, Iowa,
Missouri, Minnesota and Dakota.
It is tho Host Direct lloute betwcin all tho
Principal Points in tho Northwost, Southwest
and Far West.
For mails, tlmo tables, rates of passiiKO and
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Chicago, Milwavkkk a ht. Pawl Hail
way, or to any ltullroiul Agent anywhere in
tbo world.
It. MILl.Elt, A. V. II. OAUPENTEIt,a
Oonerul Xl'ir'r. GonM Pass. ,tTkt Agt.
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iiiiil Towns owned by the Chicago, Milwau
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To Chicago and tho East.
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For further Information inquire of
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CAPIT NATIONAL BANK s
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Pra
TAKETHE
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sassV ssssl ssWsssLBlBL?sSlZilJ
Sa til m I iiT'
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r
v
u&iLt- "-
Mfc
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Jrv
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