• OUR COMIC SECTION •
PETER
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By
J. Millar
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WNU
A GERMAN SCIENTIST
CLAIMS TO HAVE
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WNU Feature*
I GUESS THIS WEEK-END FISHING TRIP
is fun for the toss and his host mr
BIG little:-BUT I'M lonesome on
THIS SEA WITH
UP THAR-(SIGH)
THE MOOM
IT'LL MIT '
US SURE.' i
)
-) THUtop r
) THUtyp/
OOUI-LOOK.1
A LINER'
HEADING
FOR US/
f TWATfe PATE POR YA'
A SEA RESCUE BV
SOME handsome
sailor, and the
DARN THIM^
TOO HEALTHY
Doc—The best way to enjoy per
fect health is to get up every morn
ing at five and take a cold shower.
Patient — What's the next best
way?
Taking Ways!
Joe—Why are you washing your
spoon in your finger bowl?
Bill—So I won’t get egg all over
my pocket!
Skip the Tip
Diner—A glass of water, please.
Waiter—To drink, sir?
Diner—No, to wash my feetl
Puns and Apples
Nit—What kind of apples are
those?
Wit—Summer Delicious.
Nit—And what are the others?
SAFE!
A group of tourists left their car
and went to look nt some old Indian
ruins. One of them remembered
they'd forgotten to lock the car.
When they began to worry about it,
the Indian guide reassured them.
■‘It's perfectly safe,” he said.
“There isn’t a white man around
within 50 miles.”
Feminine Touch
Joe—I've got a new job. I’m a
manicurist in a bakery.
Bill—A manicurist in a bakery?
Joe—Yes, I have charge of the
lady fingers.
Some Joke
Joe—You’ve got ambitious hair.
Harry—What do you mean?
Joe—It’s sure to come out on top!
Girl Shy
Bill—Do you like stuffed dates?
Joe—Not when I have to pay tor
stuffing them.
Same Difference
She—You used to catch me in your
arms every night, dear.
He—Yeah. And now I catch you
in my pockets every morning.
PERMANENT LOAN
Jones—I've had this umbrella for
five years.
Blue—Don’t you think it's about
time you returned it?
A.W.O.L.
General—What do you know about
tactics? You’re no general!
Private—No, but I’m a better
judge of ham than any pip!
Popular Gal
Harry—Why do you call your girl
“Appendix”?
Jerry—It seems to be fashionable
for everybody to take her out!
Common Sense
Fan—W’hat’s horse sense?
Jockey—It’s what keeps a horse
from betting on people!
Ernie Pyles Slant on the JTar:
Taken to War Like Gal ley
Slaves, GIs Stage Gala Show
American Soldiers Were Quick
To Adjust Themselves to Algeria
By Ernie Pyle
(Editor's Note) : This dispatch uias written and first published when Pyle
uas with the GIs during the landing at Algeria. He »j now on his way to cover the
Pacific war zones.
IN ALGERIA.—I came to Africa by troop transport, in con
voy.
Our convoy carried an enormous number of troops, and
we had a heavy escort, although no matter how much escort
you have it never seems enough to please you.
It was a miserable English day
when we sailed—cold, with a driv
ing rain. Most of us just lay in our
bunks, indifferent even to the tradi
tional last glance at land.
The ship seemed terribly crowded,
and some complained bitterly of the
food, and didn’t eat for days. The
worst trouble
was a lack of hot
water. British
standards of sani
tation are so dif
ferent from ours
that the contrast
is sometimes
shocking. The
water for wash
ing dishes was
only tepid, and
Ernie Pyle there was no
soap. As a result
the dishes got greasy.
In our cabin we had water only
twice a day—7 to 9 in the morn
ing, and 5:30 to 6:30 in the evening.
It was unheated, so we shaved in
cold water.
I » I
We correspondents knew where
we were going. Some of the officers
knew, and the rest could guess.
But some of the soldiers thought we
were going to Russia over the Mur
mansk route, and some thought it
was Norway, and some Iceland. A
few sincerely believed we were re
turning to America. It wasn’t until
the fifth day out, when the army
distributed booklets on how to con
duct ourselves in North Africa, that
everybody knew where we were
going.
The troops were warned about
smoking: or using flashlights
on deck at night, and against
throwing cigarets or orange
peels overboard. It seems a sub
commander can spot a convoy,
hours after it has passed, by
such floating debris.
One night a nurse came on deck ,
with a brilliant flashlight guiding
her. An officer screamed at her—so
loudly and viciously that I thought
at first he was doing it in fun. He
bellowed:
“Put out that light, you blankety
blank blank! Haven’t you got any
sense at all?”
Then I realized he meant every
word of it. One little light might
have killed us all. I was sorry he
didn’t kick her pants for good
measure.
Smoking was prohibited in the din
ing room. There was a bar with soft
drinks, but no liquor was sold. As
someone wisecracked, “We catch it
both ways. We can’t smoke because
it’s a British ship, and we can’t
buy liquor because it’s an Ameri
can trooper."
(»Is Show Talent.
The trip no sooner started than
rehearsals for an enlisted men’s
variety show began. They dug up
an accordionist, a saxophonist, a
trumpeter, a violinist, two banjo
players, a dancer, a tenor, a cow
boy singer and several pianists.
They rehearsed every afternoon.
The big night came a couple of
nights before we got to Gibraltar.
They put on two shows that night,
for the enlisted men only. Word got
around, and the officers and nurses
wanted to see the show, so the night
we were approaching Gibraltar they
put it on again.
The show went over terrifically.
There was genuine talent in it, and
serious music as well as the whiz
bang stuff. But the hero of the eve
ning was a hairy corporal—Joe
Comita of Brooklyn—who did a
strip-tease burlesque of Gypsy Rose
Lee.
His movements were pure genius.
Gypsy herself couldn't have been
more sensuous. Joe twirled and
stripped, twirled and stripped. And
then when he was down to his
long, heavy GI underwear he swung
to the front of the stage, lifted his
veil, and kissed a front-row colonel
on top of his bald head.
The whole show was marvelously
good. But there was something
more to it than just that: There was
the knowledge, deep in everybody's
mind, that this was our night of
danger.
The radio had just brought word
that Germany’s entire U-boat pack
was concentrated in the approaches
to Gibraltar. More than 50 subs
were said to be waiting for us. I
doubt that there was a soul on
board who expected the night to
pass without an attack.
And in that environment the boys
from down below went through
their performances buoyantly. We
sat with life preservers on and wa
ter canteens at our belts. We
laughed and cheered against a
background of semi-conscious lis
tening for other sounds. As the show
ended a major said to me:
“That’s wonderful, those boys
doing this when they’re being
taken to war like galley slaves
down there In the hold. When
you think of people at home
squawking their heads off be
cause they can only have 20
gallons of gasoline it makes
your blood boil.’’
At Last—Fighting.
From now onward, stretching for
months and months into the future,
life is completely changed for thou
sands of American boys on this side
of the earth. For at last they are in
there fighting.
The jump from camp life into
front-line living is just as great as
the original jump from civilian life
into army. Only those who served
in the last war can conceive of
the makeshift, deadly urgent, al
ways-moving-onward complexion of
front-line existence. And existence
is exactly the word; it is nothing
more.
The last of the comforts are
gone. From now on you sleep in
bedrolls under little tents. You
wash whenever and wherever
you can. You carry your food on
your back when you are fighting.
You dig ditches for protection
from bullets and from the chill
north wind off the Mediter
ranean. There are no more hot
water taps. There are no post
exchanges where you can buy
cigarets. There are no movies.
When you speak to a civilian you
have to wrestle with a foreign lan
guage. You carry just enough cloth
ing to cover you and no more. You
don’t lug any knickknacks at all.
When our troops made their first
landings in North Africa they went
four days without even blankets,
just catching a few hours’ sleep on
the ground.
Everybody either lost or chucked
aside some of his equipment. Like
most troops going into battle for the
first time, they all carried too much
at first. Gradually they shed it. The
boys tossed out personal gear from
their musette bags and filled them
with ammunition. The countryside
for 20 miles around Oran was
strewn with overcoats, field jackets
and mess kits as the soldiers moved
on the city.
Arabs will be going around
for a whole generation clad in
odd pieces of American army
uniforms.
• • •
At the moment our troops are
bivouacked for miles around each
of three large centers of occupa
tion — Casablanca, Oran and Al
giers. They are consolidating, fitting
in replacements, making repairs—
spending a few days taking a deep
breath before moving on to other
theaters of action.
They are camped in every con
ceivable way. In the city of Oran
some are billeted in office buidings,
hotels and garages. Some are camp
ing in parks and big, vacant lots
on the edge of town. Some are miles
away, out in the country, living on
treeless stretches of prairie.
* * +
The American soldier is quick in
adapting himself to a new mode of
living. Outfits which have been here
only three days have dug vast net
works of ditches three feet deep in
the bare brown earth. They have
rigged up a light here and there
with a storage battery. They have
gathered boards and made floors
and sideboards for their tents to
keep out the wind and sand. They
have hung out their washing, and
painted their names over the tent
flaps. You even see a soldier sitting
on his “front step” of an evening
playing a violin.
Men Anxious to Move Forward
Now that the first phase is over,
a new jubilance has come over the
troops There is a confidence and
enthusiasm among them that didn't
exist in England, even though mor
ale was high there. They were im
patient to get started and get it
over, and now that they've started
and feel sort of tike veterans, they
are eager to sweep on through.
That first night of landing, when
they came ashore in big steel motor
ized invasion barges, many funny
things happened. One famous officer
intended to drive right ashore in a
jeep, but they let the folding end
of the barge down too soon and the
jeep drove off into eight feet of wa
ter. Other barges rammed ashore
so hard the men jumped off without
even getting their feet wet and were
soon at their posts.
Improved
Uniform
Internationa!
SUNDAY
SCHOOL
LESSON
By HAROLD L. LUNDQUIST, D. D.
Of The Moodv Bible Institute of Chicago.
Released by Western Newspaper Union.
Lesson for January 7
Lesson subjects and Scripture texts se
lected and copyrighted by International
Council of Religious Education; used by
permission.
THE CHILDHOOD OF JESUS
LESSON TEXT—Matthew 2:13-23.
GOLDEN TEXT—Behold. I am with
thee, and will keep thee In all places
whither thou goest.—Genesis 28:15.
Matthew is the Gospel of the King
and His kingdom. It stresses the
fulfillment of prophecy in the com
ing of Christ, the King. Aiter His
rejection, it tells us of the Church,
“the kingdom in mystery,” and of
the death of Christ for our sins. His
resurrection for our justification,
and His glorious coming again.
This then is an important book
which we study for the next three
months. Teacher and student alike
should be enthusiastic and expect
am.
The genealogy of the King, and
the story of His coming to earth as
the babe of Bethlehem (both impor
tant matters), are covered in chap
ter 1. In our lesson we find Him
as a little child. Observe how man
received Him, and how God cared
for Him. Without assigning definite
verses to our points we note that:
I. Men Received or Rejected
Jesus.
It has always been so. Men, then
as now, were either for Him or
against Him. The world or today is
far different from that of the first
century, but the difference is all on
the outside. Almost breath-taking
have been the developments of mod
ern science, but these have not
changed the heart of man. He still
fears and hates and fights and sins.
His attitude toward Christ is un
changed. There are still only two
classes of people in the world—those
who have received Christ and are
saved, and those who have rejected
Him and are lost.
1. Men Are Against Christ.
How do men show their rejection of
God’s Son? Just as they did at
His birth, by:
a. Fear. Herod was afraid lest
the coming of this One should result
in the loss of his ill-gotten gains.
His anger and fear made all Jeru
salem afraid.
b. Indifference. When the Wise
Men asked where Christ was to be
born, the priests and scribes knew
exactly where to find the facts in the
Holy Scriptures, but having done so,
they relapsed into utter indifference.
They had no interest in the fulfill
ment of the prophecy.
c. Hatred. Herod poured out the
violence of his heart by killing the
first-born. He was the first of many
who have raged against the Christ
in futile anger.
d. Sorrow. The tears of the moth
ers of Jerusalem but foreshadowed
the weeping and wailing which char
acterizes Christ-rejection both In
time and eternity.
2. Men Are For Christ.
Thanks be to God, there were
those in that day who were for
Christ and, like those who follow
Him today, they showed:
a. Spirituality. Men have mar
veled that the Magi knew of the
birth of Christ. They must have
studied the prophecies of the Word J
and been responsive to the teach
ing and moving of the Holy Spirit.
Can we say as much for ourselves?
b. Interest. Not content to know
and to marvel, they shamed the
priests of Israel by their persistent
interest in this great thing which
had come to pass.
c. Love. They brought themselves
in worship and they brought rich
gifts from their treasures. You can
give without loving, but you cannot
love without giving.
d. Action. They came. They per
sisted until they found the Christ.
Then they listened to God and pro
tected His Son by not returning to
Herod.
II. God Protected and Prepared
Jesus.
The ruin which sin had brought
into the world could only be met by
redemption which Christ had come
to bring. Some men had already
shown their hatred for Jesus and
their rejection of Him. But God still
ruled, and for the sake of those who
received Him (and would receive
Him in all the centuries since). He
kept the Child Jesus from harm. We
find Him:
1. Protecting Jesus. Men may
hate and seek to destroy God's Son.
Satan may inspire them with ingen
uity and cunning. But see how the
Eternal One spoke to Joseph in
dreams, how He prepared a place
of refuge in Egypt and ultimately
in Nazareth, where the boy Jesus
might increase in wisdom and stat
ure and favor with God and man.
2 Preparing Jesus. God knew of
the days of public ministry which
were ahead, and above all, of that
day when on Golgotha’s hill Christ
was, in His own body, to prepare
salvation for you and for me. God
is never taken by surprise. He
moves forward to the completion of
His plan with the stately tread of
eternity.
He took Jesus to Egypt. He
brought Him again to Nazareth. In
it all He was preparing His Son
for the days of ministry which were
ahead. All this was in fulfillment of
prophecy (see w. 15, 17). God's
Word is always sure.
Yamashita and the
Snore Threat
( General Yamashita, new com*
mander-in-chicf of the Japs against
General MacArthur, often closes his
eyes and snores, even in the midst
of important business. This gives the
Impression that he is not alert and
fools people.”—Japanese radio.)
This Introduces another new weap
on into the global war. A snorer
can be quite a threat, and Yama
shita is no ordinary, low gauge,
one-tube snorer. He gets volume and
power, not to mention distance.
. •
It may herald the launching of an
all-out Japanese snore attack.
_*_
The Yamashita "horror weapon”
may be the robot-grunt or even the
Jet-propelled snore. We may have
to combat a nasal blitz any mo
ment, now!
America does not include snoring
among its major weapons. It is not
a nation of top snorers. It has never
gone in for snoring as an instrument
of aggression, nor even of defense.
_•_
But that may be because it has
never been challenged in this re*
spect by any world conquering
snorers.
_•_
Washington seems undisturbed.
Secretary Stimson expressed the
opinion that while we are not much
as a snoring nation today, we led the
world at it between 1919 and 1941.
“And that was unintentional snor
ing,’’ he said. "Once we set our
minds to snoring aggressively, the
results will be amazing.”
General Marshall spoke with simi
lar confidence. “Let Yamashita
bring on his Burping battalions, his
grunting Grenadiers,” he said calm
ly. “1 understand Yamashita snores
from the toes up, the effect being
heightened by a bad case of hali
tosis. But we will take him on, grunt
for grunt.”
General MacArthur was equally
passive. “I will spot the general two
deep inhalations and make him cry
for help. We can lick him at any
thing, including any noises he cares
to make,” he declared.
"He is very deceptive,” we warned
MacArthur. "He can snore while
awake.”
"That makes him an ideal foe,”,
was the reply.
"He sometimes does his deepest
planning between grunts,” we
pointed out.
"We will keep him grunting,”;
smiled MacArthur. “Is he a straight
front snorer or a side-wheeler? Any
how we will look for an all-around
snorer. Do you know if he snores
with his mouth open?”
"Our scouts so report,” we said.
"That kind are a dime a dozen,
even when made in Japan,” said
MacArthur. “It is the man who
snores with his mouth closed who is
really dangerous.”
_*_
MacArthur went on to say that,
anyhow, America had been experi
menting with a new snore of great
er range and velocity, a snore that
would go anywhere.
"We fear no enemy snorers,” he
added. "Kaiser Bill was a better
than fair hostile snorer and look at
his finish! Hindenburg was tops.”
—*—
General Eisenhower admitted one
fear from the snore technique. “If
Hitler, Goering, Himmler and Goeb
bels should all snore at once, that
would be a disturbance!” he ad
mitted. j
. . .
Justice on the Home Front
"Coincident with the distribution
to all private lending institutions of
new regulations covering housing
loans for war veterans, the Federal
Housing administration today urged
the setting up of full safeguards
against veterans being victimized
through the purchase of jerrybuilt
houses.”—News item.
4
4
One of our yens is to see a tough,
seasoned veteran return from the
wars, get one of those modem
houses with walls that wobble in the
breeze, and chase the realtor across _
country with a bayonet. Getting, of '
course, his money back.
Portrait of a Self-Confident Man.
(Our Fuehrer stands like a rock
amid the surging tide, holding
fast to his conviction Germany will
win this war.’—Herr Goebbels).
There stands Adolf
Like a rock
While the breakers
Roughly sock
He’s not worried,
He’s not wet;
He's not shaken. . . .
Wanna bet?
• • •
Secretary Ickes was aboard a
train derailed at 60 miles an hour.
Unhurt, he says he didn't even know
about it. And it will do no good to
show him the reports because he
says he doesn’t believe what the
newspaper says.
I * * *
“1 am not fond of dancing on a
narrow stage.” says General Varna
shita, Japanese commander-in-chief.
After a time you will find it amaz
ing, Yammie old thing, how easily I
you can do it to the tune of the
: “Stars and Stripes Forever.**
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