F— —
NATIONAL
AFFAIRS
Revitwtd by
CARTER FIELD
Talk about U. S. enter
ing the tear grows again
in official circles... Long
range consequences of
“lending” Britain war
materials present diffi
cult problems.
(Bell Syndicate—WNU Service.)
WASHINGTON.—Talk about the
United States getting into the war
soon is growing again in official cir
cles. There are many senators and
administration leaders who are qui
etly predicting that we will be in
the war within six months.
A lot of eyewash is being circu
lated about extending credit to Brit
ain. Lots of things are being writ
ten and said which are true, but
w'hich do not affect the main point.
The main point is that Britain is
going to get the credits, assuming
she holds out, which is now the gen
eral assumption.
The British propaganda for cred
its was a little premature, nearly
everyone in Washington believes.
But the mistake in propaganda will
have very little effect in the devel
opments later on. The administra
tion is determined that no stone will
be left unturned to keep the British
from being beaten.
Meanwhile, the premature public
ity has stirred up a storm of dis
cussion as to the "vast” quantities
of British gold and British-owned
American securities still in the Brit
ish pot.
BRITAIN KEEPS U. S. STOCKS
There is a curious angle to this.
The British, who have always been
rather expert in matters of inter
national exchange, are apparently
reluctant to sell their American
stock certificates. They are spending
their gold hoard freely. Apparently
they think that they are getting
an inflation price—$35 an ounce—for
their gold, and that by the time
they have to sell their American
shares inflation may have hit them,
so that they will get a higher price
than if they sold now.
Jesse Jones has perhaps encour
aged them a little. He offered some
time back, when there was much
talk of their selling their American
■ecurities, to lend them huge sums
of R. F. C. money if they would
use their securities as collateral.
So far they have not resorted to
this, preferring to finance their
needs by selling gold.
This has gradually percolated
throughout Washington and is caus
ing a good deal of concern about
the whole question of our gold hoard.
Lots of people are pointing out that
the Germans have learned to get
along without gold, and the British
will too when the war is over. In
fact the charge is being made in
friendly arguments here that the
British are planning that very poli
cy, and that this is the explanation
for their being anxious to sell us
gold instead of American securities.
• • •
‘LOAN’ PRESENTS PROBLEMS
While the spectacular character of
President Roosevelt’s suggestion of
“lending” war materials to Britain,
as a means of circumventing the
Johnson and neutrality laws, over
shadowed everything else, the pos
sibilities of the situation after the
war, assuming Britain survives, are
so interesting that one wonders who
first thought of this idea.
Two factors that favor the British
tremendously, as against an outright
loan of money, occur immediately
to anyone thinking through the plan
to its ultimate possibilities.
One involves the immediate situa
tion following the day the war ends.
The other involves the later period.
On the day that the war ends, of
course, the war-producing machin
ery of this country will be going full
blast
Now consider the next few weeks
after that. If the British had been
borrowing money from the United
States, either from the U. S. govern
ment or from individual investors,
there would be no doubt whatever
that the British would have to pay
some stupendous sum for war sup
plies which actually they would not
want then. Obviously their own air
plane factories, ordnance and muni
tion plants would be perfectly ca
pable of turning out more supplies
than they could possibly want for
peacetime.
U. S. ABSORBS OUTPUT
But undoubtedly, also, the con
tracts they had with American mu
nitions workers would not permit
abrupt cancellation, leaving the
manufacturers with a lot of unsala
ble goods and inventories on hand.
But with Uncle Sam doing the buy
ing, no such problem would be in
volved. The ‘‘loan” of supplies
would naturally stop with the end
of the need of them. In fact, even
supplies on shipboard and in Brit
ish depots on Armistice day could
be used to “repay” the “loan.”
American manufacturers would
have to depend on the U. S. treas
ury to take the “unborrowed” mu
nitions off their hands. This phase
might work out all right, even for
Uncle Sam. for if we are going to
ship everything possible in the way
of war supplies to Britain, then our
own national defense needs at the
end of the war could absorb quite
a little.
Household News
A CHANGE IN THE MEAT COURSE
(See Recipes Below)
"Meat makes the meal," especial
ly when there are husky, hard-work
ing men to feed. But for those be
hind the scenes In the kitchen, think
ing up a different and a flavorsome
meat dish for each day out of the
seven is no small task.
There are two ways to approach
the problem. First, investigate
some of the less
common cuts.
You’ll find them
thrifty to buy be
cause the demand
for them is less.
Most of them
iairiy nDounu in good navor and
need only to be properly cooked to
be serious rivals to more expensive
cuts.
If you are buying pork, ask the
meat dealer to prepare you a hand
some rolled sirloin roast. It’s a
thrifty cut not so well known as the
pork loin roast but it has decided
advantages. Two sections of the
pork sirloin are boned and tied to
gether into a solid roll of meat. The
round, compact slices offer no ob
structions to the knife, and are the
answer to a carver’s prayer. The
picnic shoulder of pork is another
cut of exceptional flavor. Have it
boned, stuff it with spinach and
roast it.
If it's too soon for another leg of
lamb, buy a section of lamb breast
and have it rolled with a layer of
sausage. Slice off the meat as you
would a jelly-roll; you’ll have the
neatest pinwheels imaginable.
Lamb shoulder and lamb shoulder
chops are two other not-so-well
known possibilities.
The second way to coax some va
riety into your meat dishes is to
try new ways of flavoring cuts that
you serve often. If much of your
meat supply comes from a frozen
foods locker, this is your best bet.
Have pork chops cut double thick
and stuff them with a tart mix
ture of sauerkraut and apple. Your
family will beam approval when
you serve that combination! Or
make your next ham loaf like an
upside-down cake so that when you
turn it out, there are rows of bright
as-a-dollar apricots across the top.
Try canned gooseberries as a relish
with ham or beef, or canned Dam
son plums with veal.
Pork Chops Stuffed With Sauerkraut
And Apple.
(Serves 6)
6 loin pork chops (cut 1-inch thick)
1 cup sauerkraut (drained)
1 cup tart, red cooking apple (diced)
(unpared)
V4 teaspoon salt
% teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons fat
V& cup sauerkraut juice.
Have a pocket made from the out
side of each chop. Combine sauer
kraut with finely
diced unpeeled
apple and stufT
the chops with
the mixture. Sea
son them with
salt and pepper
and brown on
both sides in hot
fat in a heavy skillet. Add sauer
kraut juice, cover, and finish the
cooking in a moderate oven <350
degrees). Bake for 1% hours, and
remove the cover during the last
15 minutes of baking to brown the
chops.
Round Steak, Western Style.
(Serves 6)
2 pounds round steak
2 tablespoons butter
1 teaspoon salt
ft teaspoon pepper
2 medium onions (sliced)
ft lemon (sliced)
1 No. 1 can condensed tomato soup
(lft cups)
1 cup water
Have round steak cut ft Inch
thick. Spread with butter and sprin
kle with salt and pepper. Arrange
slices of thinly cut onion and lemon
over steak Dilute tomato soup with
water and pour over steak. Bake in j
a moderate oven (350 degrees) for
2 hours uncovered.
Boneless Sirloin I’ork Roast
With Stuffed Apples.
Have the meat retailer remove
the tenderloin and bones from two
sirloin sections, reverse the ends.
I
and tie the two boneless pieces to
gether in a compact rolled roast.
Season with salt and pepper and
place with the fat side up in an
open roasting pan. Make an inci
sion to the center of the roast and
insert a meat thermometer so that
the center of the bulb reaches the
center of the fleshiest part of the
meat. Place the roast in a mod
erate oven (350 degrees) and roast
until the thermometer registers 185
degrees Fahrenheit. Allow about 30
minutes per pound for roasting.
Serve with rice-stuffed apples.
Rice-Stuffed Apples.
6 medium-sized baking apples
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 cup rice (cooked)
1 tablespoon butter
14 cup water
Wash apples and cut a slice from
the top of each. Remove the cores
and seeds and sprinkle the cavities
with brown sugar. Mix cooked rice
with melted butter and stuff each
apple. Arrange them in a baking
pan with the water in the bottom
and bake for 114 hours, or until ten
der in a moderate oven (350 de
grees).
Lamb Pinwhecls.
(Serves 5)
Boned breast of lamb (about 314
pounds)
% pound bulk pork sausage
2 tablespoons fat
1 teaspoon salt
14 teaspoon pepper
1 small onion (sliced)
1 cup tomatoes (canned)
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
Have the lamb breast boned,
spread with bulk pork sausage.
rouea, and uea
or skewered into
shape at the mar
| ket. Wipe the
meat with a damp
' cloth and dry.
Then brown on all
sides in hot fat.
Pour off the fat
in the pan, leaving 2 tablespoons
only. Season the roll with salt and
pepper. Add sliced onion, tomatoes
and Worcestershire sauce. Cover
tightly and cook very slowly until
done, about 114 hours. Slice into
pinwheels, using a very sharp knife.
Cushion Style I*ork Shoulder With
Spinach Stuffing.
(Serves 10)
Boned picnic shoulder (about 5
pounds)
1 teaspoon salt
% teaspoon pepper
1% cups drained spinach (cooked or
canned)
2 tablespoons onion (minced)
4 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 cups fine, soft bread crumbs
1 teaspoon salt
V« teaspoon pepper
Have the picnic shoulder boned
and sewed on two sides at the mar
ket. This leaves one side open for
inserting the stuffing. Season the
surface of the pork shoulder with
salt and pepper. Combine the spin
ach, onion, butter, lemon juice and
bread crumbs. Season with salt
and pepper and use to fill the cavity
of the roast. Sew or skewer the
edges together. Place the shoulder,
fat side up, on a rack in an open
roasting pan and roast in a mod
erate oven (350 degrees) until done.
Allow about 40 minutes per pound
for the roasting.
BIRTHDAY PARTIES
The food makes the party, es
pecially for a round-eyed young
ster of six or eight. If you have
a January birthday coming up
you will And both menu and rec
ipe help in Eleanor Howe’s Cook
Book “Easy Entertaining.” Party
food for all ages, from the three
year-olds to the teen-age group is
but one of the sections in her
book.
If you need new suggestions for
your hostessing, send 10 cents in
coin to "Easy Entertaining” care
of Eleanor Howe. 919 North Mich
igan Avenue, Chicago, Illinois,
for your copy
(Released b> Western Newspaper Union.)
FIRST-AID
!?■ ' -to the
AILING- HOUSE
by Roger B, Whitman
._ Kl
— --I— 4
<® Roger B. Whitman—WNU Service.)
Clogged Septic Tank.
QUESTION: About May, 1934, I
installed a septic tank and drain
age field for sewage disposal at my
country home. Up to the present I
have had no trouble. Now the toilet
bowl is stopped up. The plumber
took the cover off the tank and
found a crust on the surface about
10 Inches thick, which he said is due
to lack of fermentation, caused by
the tank being too low and not get
ting the heat of the sun. The plumb
er suggests raising the plumbing
in the cellar and raising the tank
to within 10 inches of the surface.
Shall I follow the plumber’s sug
gestions or shall 1 use the yeast
cake suggestion of a neighbor?
Answer: The crust should be re
moved. It is an accumulation of
grease and oil, which has solidified.
A septic tank should be inspected
every two or three years, and any
substantial accumulation of grease
removed. A grease trap between
the tank and the kitchen drain will
eliminate much of this trouble. If
the septic tank has been operating
satisfactorily for five years, I see
no reason for raising it, as well
as the plumbing. After removing
the crust in the septic tank, if the
toilet continues to be stopped up, it
is quite possible that there is some
stoppage in the pipe line that should
be remoyed. Yeast cakes are used
to stimulate the bacterial action in
septic tanks. Six cakes are dis
solved in tepid (not hot) water in a
wash basin, then allowed to llow into
the tank.
Painting an Attic.
Question: What is the least ex
pensive way of painting the walls
of an attic which have never been
painted? What can I do about the
floor boards, which are warped in
places? I would like to use lino
leum.
Answer: You can get good satis
faction with a kind of paint made
with casein; it comes as a paste
to be thinned with water to the
proper consistency. When dry and
hard it is washable.
Before laying linoleum, your floor
boards should be solidly nailed down
and all raised edges and rough
places should be planed off. Lino
leum will wear quickly when laid
on a rough or uneven surface. For
long life and good wear the surface
should be as smooth as possible.
Color of Doors.
Question: In doing over our house
we want to leave the oak trim
around the windows and doors and
the baseboards in natural finish. The
doors are pine, and we cannot de
cide what to do with them; whether
it would be best to grain the doors to
Imitate oak, or to finish them in
enamel. What do you advise?
Answer: I certainly do not advise
graining the doors in imitation of
oak. The results at best would not
be good, for an imitation Is always
cheap looking. It would be much
better to enamel the doors. My
choice would be ivory. A small
and inexpensive touch that adds
greatly to appearance is to use glass
doorknobs; these can be had at hard
ware stores.
Rock Garden.
Question: The yard in back of us
is three or four feet higher than
ours, and being on a slant, dirt is
always flowing down to the sewer.
I want to improve the looks of this.
I have quite a number of bricks
and stones, and would like to build
a rock garden against the slope,
but have no idea of how to start.
How do I go about it?
Answer: The important thing is to
pile dirt and stones against the hill
to prevent further washing away of
the dirt and to protect the roots of
any trees that may be nearby. Pile
your bricks and stones along the
foot of the hill, fill the crannies with
dirt and set rock garden plants in
them.
Soiled House.
Question: The north side of my
country house is very dirty; in some
places almost black. The house was
painted last year. Is this due to
fall and winter storms? Would it
be remedied by putting a wood gut
ter on the north side of the roof?
Answer: If the soiling is from
dirt, it should scrub off; use warm
water with a cupful of trisodium
phosphate or washing soda to the
gallon dissolved in it. If this does
not clean the paint, the soiling may
mildew If so, report the case to
the maker of the paint. By all
means put on gutters.
Sweating Icebox.
Question: I have an old-fashioned
Icebox, which has recently begun to
sweat on the outside. Why should
it do this?
Answer: Sweating is due to the
failure of the insulation in the icebox
walls and doors. The effect is to
chill the warm and damp air that
comes in contact with it
MARY’S I
EDUCATION
By CHARLES HARTE
(McClure Syndicate—WNU Service.)
n X DON’T want to be dis
I turbed.” Dr. Thomas Clem
j ent told the boy who an
swered his office door. Then
fee went into his inner office, spread
out writing materials, and settled
himself to a difficult task.
“Wish I could write a prescrip
tion and be done with it,” he
thought. "How on earth does a man
write to a girl he wants to propose
to?”
ThomasClementwasthirty-flve and
had never, if the truth must be told,
proposed to a girl. He had, for the
last half dozen years, realized that
he would some day probably be
doing just what he was now—trying
to propose to Mary Stanton. But
he hadn’t known how hard it would
be.
Mary was the daughter of his old
friend. Dr. Stanton, who had left
Thomas trustee of Mary’s very
meager fortune. It had been on
Thomas’ advice that Mary had
eaten into this fortune to pay for a
college education. He had told her
that, with a good education, she
would be able to take care of her
self without worrying about much
of an income from her small in
heritance. All the time he had
known that he intended to marry
Mary when she got through college,
and that she would never be de
pendent either on her inheritance
or on her own labors.
Thomas had not seen Mary all
that last winter. She had spent her
Christmas holidays with friends, and
had not returned to her aunt’s,
where she made her home in a town
a dozen miles away, until after her
graduation. But Thomas had seen
her on graduation day and that was
what made this letter of proposal
so difficult. Mary had turned out
to be the most beautiful, most de
sirable, most lovely girl in the
world. Far too good for him, de
cided Thomas. It was really hardly
fair for him to think she might ever
care to marry him.
So he settled himself down to his
task with doubts and misgivings.
"Dear Mary,” he wrote, and then
stopped, pondering on the next im
portant word.
There was a knock on the door.
"Who is it?” he called. Then he
heard Mary’s voice. "Bobby says
you don't want to be disturbed. But
can I see you? It’s awfully im
portant.”
She sat down at the other side of
his table. "Well, as you didn’t come
to see me I came to see you.” She
smiled bewitchingly at him. “You
haven’t been over since I got home
and I got home a week ago tomor
row."
"Well—” started Thomas.
“Oh, don’t apologize. And don’t
stop your writing. I’ve got some
awfully important news, but I’ll just
wait here until you’re through.”
Thomas insisted that she tell him
at once. He closed his jaws sharply
to be braced against the shock that
was coming. He looked stern and
old as Mary leaned across the table
and took both his muscular hands
in hers.
“Promise,” she said, smiling
again, "that you’ll take me serious
ly?”
"I promise,” he said, feeling very
uncomfortable and rather helpless,
imprisoned by her charm and per
sonality. He had tucked the letter
paper, with her name on it under
his blotter when she first came into
the room.
“Guess what I’m going to tell
you!” she said.
“Going to be married?” he
queried, trying to seem not too con
cerned—just showing a guardian
like interest.
"No! Going to be a doctor—like
you.
“For heaven’s sake,” he gasped,
looking at her slight, girlish figure,
and thinking of clinic and dispen
sary days. “What ever put that
idea into your head?”
“You did, of course,” she said.
“You told me to spend my money
for an education. Well, nowadays
when you’ve got through college you
aren’t really educated. So I’m go
ing to use it all up and borrow some
in order to get the kind of education
I want.”
“I always thought that when you
finished college you would get mar
ried,” said Thomas.
“How funny! I’m not at all in
terested in that sort of career—not
at all. Now, I want your advice
about where to go and everything.”
When Mary came back next morn
ing to get his advice, he had made
his plans. He told her that, if she
ever expected to make good at med
ical college, she must harden her
self. He would take her in his of
fice as a helper, and she could grad
ually become used to the sort of
work she would have to do. He
would pay her a small salary and
she could live at the boarding house
down the street, where she would
be nearby.
When Mary got to his office next
morning at nine, dressed in a dainty
green linen frock, he was not in.
She took a rose from the bowl on
his waiting-room table and tucked
it into her belt, then she sat down
to read a magazine in his private
office.
A few minutes later the doctor
came into the room. “A little late,
aren’t you?" he asked coolly. “I
forgot to say I expect that you be
here at eight or before—morning of
fice hours begin then. And, by the
way, I meant to tell you that, in
view of our present relations, I shall
call you Miss Stanton and you had
better call me Dr. Clement. Please
wait in the outer office, and I’ll
call you when I need you.”
That night, at nine o’clock, Mary,
very weary, was working over Dr.
Clement’s bills in his private office.
He had told her to work there till he
came back. Finally, when he did
come In, she turned to him with as
much of her natural enthusiasm as
her fatigue had left her. But Dr.
Clement merely smiled formally
and took his chair. “If you have
finished with those,” he said, "you
may go. And remember, eight
o’clock tomorrow.”
Mary rose and took her hat from
the hanger in the entry. "I sup
pose,” she said, putting her head in
at the door, "it’s all right for me to
go home alone? It’s an awfully dark
block.”
”1 suppose so,” said the doctor.
"And by the way, Miss Stanton,
please wear a slightly more profes
sional costume tomorrow. Some
thing plain white, please. Roses
and ruffles are all very well for a
woman to wear in her own home—
quite charming, in fact. But quite
inappropriate in a doctor’s office.”
Mary bit her lip, but tears of mor
tification came to her eyes. She
took the fading rose from her belt
and tried to hide her trembling lips
in it.
“Haven't I been any good at all—
any help?” she said in a low voice.
“We will hope for a little steadier
nerve tomorrow,” said the doctor.
“It was annoying to have you so
upset over that very slight office
operation this morning.”
“It was very close and warm,”
she murmured.
“It will be warmer as the sum
mer goes on,” he said firmly.
He reached over and took the rose
she had left on the table, but he kept
his chair as she walked slowly to
the door. Then she turned back,
tears in her pretty, tired eyes roll
ing over to her pale cheeks.
“Perhaps,” she said, "if I’ve been
such a failure—and tried so hard—
perhaps I won’t make a good doc
tor, after all.”
Thomas was on his feet and had
her in his arms in a moment.
“Mary,” he said, “perhaps I’ve
been too unkind. But I don’t want
you to be a doctor—I want you
to be a doctor’s wife.”
Career
By EDGAR T. MONFORT
(McClure Syndicate—WNU Service.)
“npHE performance at the High
School Auditorium last night
was a brilliant success. The out
standing artist on the program was
Miss Cecilia Gray. We feel safe
in predicting that Grand Opera will
some day recognize her name.
Cecilia simply could not read any
further. Her girlish face was suf
fused with color and her blue eyes
shone in ecstasy.
From the minute she read the
newspaper notice she had a differ
ent attitude toward herself. She felt
the responsibility of her talent and
the necessity for her to sacrifice
home and loved ones that she might
pursue her career.
“It’s a gift,” she told Joe Watson,
her boy friend, “a gift that was given
me by the Creator. I am destined
to have a career.”
“Where do I come in?” he asked, •
suddenly frightened.
“But don’t you see, dear, this is
something I’m not responsible for.
Don’t you understand?”
“No!” said Joe savagely. “I’m
darned if I do. There’s no call great
er than the call to marry a decent
man when you’ve pledged yourself.”
"You wouldn’t hold me to that?”
she asked in surprise.
“Oh, no, not at all. A little matter
like that is nothing when it comes
to a career," he answered, but his
sarcasm was completely lost on
Cecilia who threw her arms around
nis necK.
Reaching New York one cold win
ter evening she went straight to the
Y.W.C.A. and after much pulling of
wires she got a hearing with Signor
Musanti, a teacher of moderate rep
utation but of great honesty. With
confidence she started to sing a
dramatic aria that had brought the
house down at Clearview. For a
second Musanti listened, then raised
his hand.
“Stop!” he commanded, jumping
up and pacing the floor angrily.
You sound like a nanny goat Go
home—go home quick and wash
dishes—anything but sing.”
“There, there.” he said in quick
sympathy, patting her heaving
shoulders. “It happens all the time.
I know. A girl sings at some church
festival at home. The local papers
flatter her, she swallows it, friends
praise. She leaves home for a
CAREER! Every week I get them.
Now, buy a ticket and go home.”
Cecilia felt herself being gently
put out the front door, but there
was healing in his kindness. With
a gulp she swallowed her pride,
took his advice and went back home,
but on the train a plan of action
came to her. Just out of New York
she sent a telegram to Joe Watson:
“I’m coming back tomorrow on No.
Sixteen. So homesick for you.
Cecy."
And to this day Joe worships her
for her devotion and she worships
him for saving her pride. Only a
snobbish few doubted her actions
and notice how she shudders at the
word career.
THE GARDEN HOSE
AND THE FIRE
(As suggested by Mr. Roosevelt’*
comparison of his proposed aid to
England In which he said that if
your neighbor’s house were on lire
you would gladly lend him your
hose and not charge for It.)
Scene: Any community.
Characters: Jones and Smith.
Jones (knocking on Smith’s door)
—Help! My house is on fire!
Smith—Well, well, I feel I ought
to give you all aid short of . . .
Jones (alarmed)—Now don’t tell
me you will give me all aid short of
a hose!
Smith—No, I guess everybody’!
tired of that gag.
• •
Jones (as the fire spreads)—
Please do something! Look at those
flames!
Smith—Now, take it easy. You
know my position in an emergency
such as this. I figure that this is
my fire as well as yours. My theory
has always been . . .
Jones—Never mind all that now.
Have you got a hose?
Smith—My good man, I may not
have the hose that is required for
a job like this, but I have studied
my hose situation very carefully. I
know what my hose requirements
are, and in a situation such as
this . . .
Jones (urgently)—I’ll need about
50 feet.
Smith—If you will bear with me a
moment, I should like to outline my
policy on . . .
Jones—Have you got 50 feet of
hose?
Smith—I am in a position to state
that by the end of next July I expect
to have 100 feet of . . .
Jones (as the flames reach the
second story)—This fire won’t last
that long!
Smith—One can never be sure
about a thing like that. It might
end very soon. On the other hand,
it might spread until my own prem
ises are consumed. In that case . . .
Jones (desperately)—All I want to
know is have you got 50 feet of hose?
Smith—I have 50 feet of hose . . .
Jones—And don’t tell me it is on
order!
• »
Smith (as the flames break
through the Jones roof)—My good
ness! That’s quite a fire you have
there, isn’t it? It’s almost a total
emergency.
Jones—That’s what I’ve been try
ing to make clear. Where’s that
hose?
Smith—You mean completed hose, J
actually on the premises?
Jones—Of course.
Smith—Well, that’s different. All
I have at the moment is a 35-foot
length. But by April . . .
Jones—May I have the 35 feet at
once?
Smith—Certainly. This is no time
to be legalistic.
Jones (Grabbing the hose)—
Thanks very much.
Smith—By the end of six months^
I can let you have 100 feet of
hose per week and . . .
Jones—This will be all I’ll need.
Smith—Don’t worry about any
charge for that 35 feet. I’m lending
it to you. It’s a sort of mortgageplan.
Jones (as the roof falls in)—Never
mind the details. All I want now is
one assurance.
Smith—What’s that?
Jones—That you’re not giving me
every aid SHORT OF WATER!
* • *
A LA MODE
There’s one suburban fashion
That stops me in my tracks . . .
The sporty female wearing
A FUR COAT OVER SLACKS!
Fellows Donaldson.
CAN YOU REMEMBER
Away back when the rights of the
Individual were thought worth pro
tecting? ^
“Mussolini Reported Very
Nervous.” — Headline. But it
would be superfluous to send
him to a retreat, wouldn’t it?
• • •
Reaction of the king of Italy to
Winston Churchill's suggestion that
he throw out Mussolini: “Who, me?”
• • •
A soap company formed a cor
poration to make munitions. We
hope it doesn’t result in a combina
tion bomb and shaving cream.
• * •
Knudsen, Stimson, Hillman and
Knox,
They'll get the stuff from the plans
to the docks.
* * •
"WANTED—Man experienced in
wrecking cars; R. P. Auto Wreckers
Co.”—New York Herald Tribune.
We know a lot of women who are
better at it than the men.
• • •
Our idea of an insomnia cure is to
try to sit through the credit lines
on a modern movie.
• • •
AMERICAN TWILIGHT
The towers of the city
Are glorious in the sun,
Theft ripple into lines of light.
Just as the day is done.
Homeward across the river
The silver planes go by,
Oh, peaceful towers! Never
Show dark against the sky.
—May D. Hatch.
A