"'"■ The Frontier.
f---s----—--4
> VOLUME XLII. O’NEILL, NEBRASKA, THURSDAY, MARCH 15, 1923. • NO. 41.
GRADY’S GROCERY
PURITAN BACON
BARRINGTON HALL
COFFEE
LETTUCE. CELERY.
FRUIT.
CASH PAID FOR EGGS
(Phones—68—126)
BRAVE BACHELORS.
O’Neill’s Galavy of Gallant Gentle
men Should Suit the Most Fas
tidious of Fair Females.
(An O’Neill lady recently ran across
the following Leap Year Story of the
desirables of thirty-one years ago,
and wonders how those of next year
will compare):
The Frontier fears the golden op
portunities of leap year are not being
properly appreciated by the fair fe
males of O’Neill, and thus early in the
season desires to direct attention to a
few of the “attractions” we have on
our list.
If the gentlemen enumerated in
this truthful writeup have not done
their duty it is no excuse for the dear
ladies who are now longing' linger
ing in loveless singleness if this un
happy condition continues. Now is
>ou time, girls, and if you do not make
a mash that sticks this year you de
serve to develop into sour old maids.
In the words of Eli the philosopher
and poet, “get there” hard while it is
in your hands to do so. The list we
have prepared is equal to any in the
west of equal number, considered phy
sically, morally and financially, and it
would be unpardonable if the ladies
permit any of the boys to remain
single.
John P. Mann, a smooth article,
about 33 years old, all wool, a yard
wide, the quaint essence of affability,
and with the “stuff” to draw on is an
exceptionally good catch. He is wiley
as a trout however, and the angler will
necessarily have to be very judicious
i-nd discreet in handling the rod or
she will lose him even after getting
’him on the hook. Habits—pretty
good, an after supper cigar and a bot
tie of imported “Kaiser” with his
friends, Me and Doe, being about the
extent of his “sins.”
Tom Morris, steady and reliable at
all times, about 35 summers, a great
smoker but will reform if tenderly
handled. Is ready for the sacrifice,
but not jump at the first offer by any
means. Has had offers the last four
leap years and declined. His b. 1. a. is
rather of an inducement as it drives
away dull care.
Dr. P. C. Corrigan is the dandy dude
of ’em all, the enemy of the men and
to the women an enigma unsolved.
Great‘care must be exercised in pop
ping, as the slick doctor is easily
frightened. A good plan would be to
make the declaration to his phono
graph, and then when the doc. gets it
in the cool of the morning, it will not
paralyize his nerve, and if couched in
language sufficiently elegant accept
ance is liable to follow. Habits good;
age anywhere from 25 to 40 years.
(The above has got to go, although
the doctor has just returned from an
eastern trip with a wife.)
Jake Hershiser, Corrigan;s right
bower, is worthy of any of the girls,
and the only chance to make a Bene
dict out of him will be during leap
year, as he is extremely modest, but
as he also is obliging it will be hard
work for him to refuse. Neither
smokes, chews or drinks; age about 25
years; finances in good shape. Call at
the store some noon hour when Doc is
at dinner, take Jake confidentially
down back of the perseription case as
innocently as though you wanted an
ounce of frumenti or an Alcock porous
plaster, and then ask the question
plump and fail'. In his surprise he
cannot refuse.
Clyde King, the Kid, slick, sleek and
slim, affects a surfeit of female adora
tion, but withal is susceptible if
properly approached. Feed him taffy
? .J-j
My Entire Stock of Boots,
Shoes, Rubber Footwear, etc.,
Will j^o on Sale
Saturday, March 17
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Goods Musi Be Sold.
.
Arthur
to start on.
R. R. Dickson, the warm-haired dis
ciple of Blackstone, young in years but
old in sin—no, not sin, experience we
mean—has it in him to be a magnify
cent family man, providing some at
tractive woman can coax him to take
time to have the knot tied. Chews a
little, drinks ditto, rustles a lot, and
w'ill be rich, very rich, when (he
realizes on his Hot Springs property.
Fasily approached, cannot be fright
ened, and will say no emphatically if
not suited. A good subject to practice
on.
John Weekes, about 25 years, no bad
habits mentionable, in good condition
and a prime article for a husband.
You must catch him out of the treas
urer’s office, t.ake him to some secluded
place without exciting his suspicion
that it is not politics, be very confi
dental.-^mile sweetly, look lovingly,
propose modestly and then the chances
are you will—be refused.
John Hazelet—well, now girls, here
is a good boy, if he is red-headed, age
25 winters and 24 summers, no bad
habits to particularize, very easily af
fected by female influences, but we
opine will fight shy of entangling al
liances. Handle him quietly and get
him pledged before he realizes the
situation.
John McHugh, though comparatively
a new comer, has a presence in the
bank,on the street and at the terpsich
orean festivals which causes the aver?
age citizen, particularly citizens of the
female persuasion, to conclude that he
would be a desirable catch indeed, and
he is the subject of many admiring
glances. Age two dozen and two;
habits good. A nice girl with financial
prospects will captivate him—some
time—perhaps.
Frank Mann, in the language of one
of The Frontier’s lady friends, “is the
most fascinating creature alive.” He
has a faculty of adapting himself to
all circumstances, no matter how per
plexing, and is perfectly at home
either in a dress suit and frilled shirt,
or cowboy pants and a revolver. Frank
is not only a very gallant youth, but
has it in him to make a successful
business man. He is out to Spencer
just now—and, say—that wouldn’t be
a bad place to go to begin operation.
Its a trifle lonely there, and the mat
ter could be more easily adjusted
Our advice is to take a carriage and
proceed to Spencer at once. (A bird
which just flew through the
broken glass in our office door,
says that the candidate is pledged, and
its no use to attempt to break the iron
bond oath.) This is sad.
Dr. C. A. Wells, so much of a chum
of McHugh’s that he sleeps in his
bed, drinks his—water, wears his
clothes, uses his toothbrush, reads his
love letters, counts his chips, stacks
his cards, and calls him “Canada
Jack,” is a sporty brunette of so pro
nounced a type that Prof. Hazelet in
sists that he is an Ethiopian from
darkest Africa, or at least is a Florida
refugee, 36 years old, good habits aside
from gum chewing and cubeb smoking,
and would make a sweet hubby, as is
evidenced from his gallantry toward
all females, especially pretty ones.
The girl who captures the Doc must
have music in her soul, love in her
heart and gold in her teeth.
Will Adams, young enough to be
manageable, sweet enough to be love
able, and long enough to be useful,
needs only to be asked. The proper
way is to “wheel” into his good graces
and thus tap his nice little bank ac
count.
Pat and Jim, brothers, McManus are
among the most eligible, and it is a
shame to permit them to hide their
light under a bushel or waste their
sweetness on the desert air, although
Jim is not doing that sort of thing to
any alarming extent. Pat, however, is
fancy free, handsome as a god (with a
little g you notice) and just about the
right age to start on the matrimonial
voyage in proper shape and steer clear
of all, breakers.
Jesse Mellor, our lean and lank,
though withal handsome, generalissimo
of the city transfer line, is a subject
worthy of the careful consideration of
the girls. Age a score and a quarter,
habits most exemplary, barring an in
ordinate and uncontrollable passion
for fan-tan, and—say, when it comes
to hearts he discounts all the boys—we
mean that he avoids capturing -hearts
with surprising success, and unless
some bewitching girl places her heart
on a silver dollar and presents it to
him draped with a five dollar bill she
will get left. And don’t forget to
praise the mules.
Levi Hershiser is too attentive to
business perhaps to be popular with
the young folks, because he always
keeps his lights brightly burning,
which is not conducive to unalloyed
and successful courtship. However
we are inclined to think he would
break the circuit if it would result in
a “pop.”
Homer Garretson, the electrician
and engineer, is a smooth article just
of age, and if the conditions are right
and all connections properly made, in
sulations perfect, no wet blankets on
his dynamo, is capable of switching on
a shock when the proposal is made
that will pleasantly electrify the heart
of the iproposee and culminate in the
most burning love, and light with
effulgence all their walks of life.
Dick Dwyer and Tim Hanley, the
twins of Sullivan’s trade palace, are a
pair of eligibles not to be sneezed at.
They are susceptible, too, and being
much sought after it is necessary to
make advances early in the season, as
they are bound to go in ’92. Combined
age just fifty-two and a half; habits
good, complexion a trifle dark, nation
ality Italian.
Ed. Grady is a jewel of the first
water, attentive to business, affable
and sun-tempered, age about 28 years,
and as the best things are done up in
small packages, the girl who gets Ed.
can rest assured she has drawn a
capital prize. Prospects, a good busi
ness and a mine in the black hills.
Will Blair is lightning itself either
at the depot or in society, and will
soon be taken out of the list if ap
pearances are not deceptive. Age
about a quarter of a century and hab
bits good.
James Cavanaugh, whose tastes and
accomplishments would suit the most
fastidious; is about 25, genial, sociable
and with plenty of first-class, un
adulterated Irish wit. The head of the
family of which James is an honored
member has a most enviable reputa
tion as a humorist, and the son in this
case has inherited much of the old
gentleman’s genius. Jim is what
might be termed a “good catch,” but
the catcher must necessarily exercise
considerable calm deliberation when
the times comes to dpply the bait.
Therefore, the writer, would caution
the fair ones to go easy and
not break into the mystic charm of
bachelorhood too suddenly in this case.
Gene Norton is young, but so far as
known has not been taken in. A few
smiles, liberally bestowed at certain
intervals, would do for a starter, and
then it would be advisable to drop a
pair of gloves or a necktie in his path.
A short ride into the country or a
moonlight stroll on the bridge would
finish the business for Gene. (N. B.—
The only point against the subject is
that he hails from Niobrara.)
Otto Miltz, whose name is an indi
cation of hfi-s nationality—and the na
tionality is O. K.—is a quiet, orderly
young man who has a good start in
the cigar business, and who would be
able to blow beautiful ringlets of pure
havana happiness around the fireplace
of a modest, humble home—the hum
bler the better. Age, not given in the
last census. Red moustache—but that
could be amputated.
And there’s Sammy Thompson—who
could object to Sam? An extraordi
nary good helpmate, Sam would make,
for he is a first-class cook and is able
to get up a dish of oysters or fry an
egg to a turn without burning his
fingers or swearing. Has a good start
in business, and is endowed with a
first-glass variety of hustle. A Ne
braska boy, age 23, and hair a dele
cate brown. Has made declaratory
statement to the effect that he will es
tablish a moustache, the one he has
being the outgrowth of the filing of I
first papers.
Dennis Cronin, the bashful young j
Greek editor and printer, is a good
match for some fair damsel, and if he
should ipie q form or two in endeavor
ing to get rid of being proposed to
don't be alarmed. He is so bashful
i’now ,
Mike Bayer, age and nationality un
known, says he is ntrt; in it at all, but
as he is reported to have a sock full
of rocks hid away somewhere he
should be looked after.
Pat and Jack Mullen are the pick of
the Mullen family, and as they are
much sought after since coming to
town they are bound to go off soon.
Get right after ’em if you don’t want
to get left.
Harvey Bently is about the right
age to think about it now rather
seriously, and there is no doubt but a
hitch-up could be effected. Handle
gently.
Will McNichols, age 22, habits out
of sight, can be reached best when on
his rounds with the delivery wagon.
Meet him at the kitchen door and
when he works you for a grocery or
der you work him for his heart and
hand.
Arthur Coykendall—Taken, measur
ed, wrapped up and labled with a pre
cautionary not to “handle with care.”
No bidders need apply.
Romaine Saunders, The Frontier’s
handsome job printer, has a well de
veloped ambition to be a historian, but
by a little persuasion could be induced
to take to matrimony instead. No bad
habits at all, excont smoking. Age 22,
moustache and lig'nt hair, has a 3-year
old colt, and a buggy bargained for.
Printers always make good husbands,
and Romaine is no exception to the
general rule. Apply at the side door
after office hours.
The Newell boys although new
corner^ should not be counted out on
that score. They are manly, ambitious
young men, ages 21 and 19 respec
tively, and with a leaning toward ath
letics, but by that, term we do not
mean brutish fighting, but legitimate
sport and gymnastics. They are from
Giand Island, and are city bred; gen
tlemanly, polite,, with fascinating eyes
and hair curled with a pitchfork.
And there are the two Gibbons boys
— Miles and Pat. Pat lives most of
the time at Spencer, but that should
not go against him. Of course not,
who said it would? Spencer is not a
bad (place. Sanford Parker and Sum
ner Adams live there. Pat is able to
hoe his own row. Has a strong fasci
nation for turkey shoots and raffles,
but is a rustler. Miles is a young man
after his father’s own heart, and is so
proud of the city of O’Neill and so
much taken up with her charms that
nothing will induce him to stay away.
Not even the chance of securing a
diploma from a celebrated college
would induce him to remain away.
Handle Miles tenderly, drop a hint or
two unobserved, and the path is clear.
M. D. Ivong, the little Phil Sheridan
of Holt county in,the days of auld lang
sine, when he was clerk and Flanna
gan, Bitney and Townsend were com
missioners, is still in the ring, refumi
gated, renovated, rectified, restored
and rebuilt by the famous Keeley cure
(institute at O’Neill) will make some
woman a splendid hubby. We desire
to help Mike out right here. He says
that the Keeley treatment for a time
im'pfiirs the memory, that he is under
the impression he was engaged to
-
Men!
we can recommend
■ ROLLINS
jRrmor Plate
HOSIERY
It keeps the big toes
in—at lower cost—
and looks good longer.
Our line is complete
from workday socks
to evening silks.
BowensRacket Store
some lady, but when he returned home
he couldn’t remember who it was.
Will th.e lady please take pity on
Mike's unfortunate condition and put
him right. Age 36 years, habits good,
you "bet, nationality French with a
very slight mixture of Irish
H. E. Murphy, the alliance orator
and fine political schemer, is a couple
of dozen years of age, and also essays
to act on the stage and practice law.
He is on the market and swears that
he will accept the first offer. Now,
don’t all speak at once.
Jim Harrington is all right, but he
is spoken for, so no need to tantalize
the girls by enumerating his virtues.
Pat Biglin, the dexterous mixolo
gist, age 26, can be caught first rattle
out of the box if approached right.
1 raise his dog, admire his—Pat’s—
phiz and physique, flatter his picture
in the cigar case—we mean Pat’s, not
the dog’s picture, and then set ’em up
to the house.
Ed. E. Evans, the quarter of a cen
tury plant that blooms in the bank
basement, and essays the role of
farmer-editor, is irrevocably pledged,
and there is no use of the girls wast
ing time on him. He will make a good
husband, however, and if you have
nerve wade m and break the combina
tion.
Roseoe Conkling, at this day and.
date the only living Roseoe, has we
understand re-entered the ranks of
eligibles for this season only. Age
uncertain; the habits and address or a
genial gentleman.
M. P. Kinkaid, our worthy district
judge, while last on our list is by no
means least in the lottery of matri-,
mony. He is a trifle particular to be
sure, but he is a courteous, dignified
gentleman, whose affable ways sub
due the storms of political passion and
prejudice incident to man, and it is
reasonable to suppose with the opposite
sex he could, should and will in time
be as successful, unless leap y$ar
privileges result favorably. He is
.wary however and must be handled
with care. It will take time to mike
the victory sure, but the prize is worth
the effort. Age a little short of forty,
habits the best, a big bank account,
and an honorable position.
This list has grown lengthy for one
write-up, and so we will close it, with
this admonition to the ladies: •
Wade in.
And if at first you don’t succeed try,
try again.
CASH
FOR
EGGS!
Flour, Fancy Patent.$1.60
Tea, per package...35c
Peanut Butter, per lb..25c
Tomatoes, per can.15c
Jello, 2 packages..25c
Cocoa, per po >nd 12!/4c
Cooked Macaroni, can.25c
Maple Sugar, per lb.35c
IMiMIIUIMII
>ni._
J. C. Horiskey
i