NOT RIGHT KIND OF FOWL
jlv Magician in Hard Luck When He
Meant to Put Finishing Touch
on Entertainment.
“Now. ladies and gentlemen,’’ said
the conjurer, trying to make his husky
voice Impressive, "I will conclude my
-entertainment with truly a wonderful
trick. It ia*a feat which must be seen
to be believed.’’
Alter a lot of difficulty he borrowed
a shabby silk hat from his village
audience. Turning it upside down to
prove there was nothing inside, he
next placed it brim uppermost on his
little table and proceeded to produce
12 eggs from its depths.
The audience watched with gog
gling eyes, and then burst into wild
spplause.
“And now," the magician went on,
lowing his thanks, “I will show you
that, although the hat is empliy, there
is inside it the hen that laid those
?ggs.’’
Putting his hand into the hat he
withdrew a fluttering, squawking fowl,
which he placed on the table, and
turned to face the applause.
instead there was a wild yell of
laughter. He turned in amazement,
which changed to horror when the
fowl shrieked:
"Cocka-doodle-do-o! ” — Philadelphia
Record,
Shakespeare “Called Down.”
"Ye think a tine lot of Shakes
speare?”
"I do, sir,” was the reply.
"An’ ye think he was mair clever
than Rabbie Burns?”
' Why, there’s no comparison be
tween them.”
Maybe, no; but ye tell us it was
Shakespeare who wrote, ‘Uneasy lies
the head that wears a crown.’ Now
Rabbie would never hae written sic
nonsense as that.”
"Nonsense, sir!” thundered the
i other.
M "Aye, just nonsense. Rabbie would
hae koni fine that a king or queen eU
/ ther disna gang to bed wi’ the croon
f on their head. He'd have kent they
i hang tt ower the back o’ a chair.”
Shtt’s Agin It.
"Oh, Mrs. Lawn, we want to get
your vote for the Village Improvement
society’s plans. We met Mr. Lawn on
the way to the station, and he—”
"Yes? How did he vote?”
"VKiy, he’s for it with enthusiasm,
so well book you—”
toil’ll book me as against it with
enthusiasm. In all the thirty years of
p our married life my husband and I
have never agreed on anything and
it's too late to begin now.”
Where Kindness Killed.
"Henry,” she murmured, fondly gaz
ing at her slender lord and master,
“you are quite the style; your narrow,
sloping shoulders are the correct
thing.”
Then she added dreamily, “I win
der, Henry dear, if bow-legs will ever
come in.”—Judge.
No Saving.
"The women ought to be able to
save money on dress this year, wear
ing their skirts too short?”
"tSea, but they have to spend so
1 much more on shoes and stockings.”
Many a good reputation has been
stabbed by a pointed tongue.
Soldiers Want No Children.
I asked Zeni Peshkoff, socialist, |
what liis sensations were when he j
went out to kill. “It didn't seem real, i
it doesn't now. Before my last charge j
the lieutenant and 1 were filled with |
the beauty of the night. We sat gaz- j
ing at the stars. Then the command !
came and we rushed forward. It did
not seem possible 1 was killing hu
man beings." It is the unreality that
sustains men. Germans are not hu
man beings—only the enemy. For the
wounded French soldier will tell you
he loathes war and longs for peace.
He fights or one object, permanent
peace. He fights to save his children
from fighting.
, "Have you any children?” I asked
one soldier. "No. thank God.” is the
reply. "But why?" “Because,” comes
the fierce answer, “if I had a son I
would rather he deserted than see
what 1 have seen.” The man is not
unusual. The soldiers—not the wom
en—are beginning to say: "We will
have no more children unless there
is no more war.”—The New Republic.
ECZEMAS AND RASHES
Itching and Burning Soothed by Cuti
cura. Trial Free.
The Soap to cleanse and purify, the
Ointment to soothe and heal. Relief,
rest and sleep follow the use of these
supercreamy emollients and indicate
speedy and complete healment in mosc
cases of young and old, even when the
usual remedies have utterly failed.
Sample each free by mail with Book.
Address postcard, Cuticura, Dept. XY,
Boston. Sold everywhere.—Adw.
Got Out of the Difficulty.
Some time ago a local corps was re
viewed by Sir lan Hamilton, and there
is a story told that one of the officers
was mounted on a horse that had pre
viously distinguished itself in a
bakery business.
A wag in the crowd is supposed to
have recognized the horse, for he
shouted out, "Baker!" The horse
promptly stopped dead, and nothing
could urge it on. The situation was
getting painful, when the officer was
struck with a brilliant idea, and re
marked, within hearing of his steed:
“Not today, thank you.”
The procession then moved on with
out further delay.—London Mail.
Big Success.
Mabel—Was your bazaar a success?
Gladys—Yes, indeed; the minister
will have cause to be grateful.
Mabel—How much were the profits?
Gladys — Nothing. The expenses
were more than the receipts. But ten
of us got engaged, and the minister
is in for a good thing in wedding
fees."
Below the Average.
“Wouldn’t you classify Berton as an
average man?’’
“I certainly would not. Why, I can
doubly discount him at Kelly pool. He
isn’t up to the average by thirty
points.”
No Occasion for Roasting.
“I hear Mamie trowed you down."
“Aw, she needn’t brag. I been
trowed down by better girls dan Ma
mie.”—Life.
Popular Style With Men.
Mrs. Blank—How had I better have
my new dress made?
Blank—Small in the bill.
PADDY READY WITH EXCUSE
Caught in the Act, He Had His An
swer as If It Had Been
Rehearsed.
A merchant who suspected an Irish
man in his employ of tampering with
the private stock of whisky allowed
the demijohn to become empty, and,
instead of filling it again, put the
liquor in bottles in a cupboard, and
labeled them ' Poison.”
One night, as he came home from
the theater, lie caught the fellow in
the act. Seising the bottle in mock
terror, the employer exclaimed:
“Great heavens: Oo you know what
you are doing? Don't you see that
what that bottle contains is marked
‘Poison?’"
Paddy held it off and looked at it.
Then he smelt it with a look of mel
ancholy, replied:
“ 'Tain’t poison, sir! It's meself
that's foiled agin.”
‘‘How dare you tamper with it
whether you knew it was poison or
not?”
"It's like this, sir. Prom the way
yer honor emptied that demijohn in
the cellar I thought you had your sus
picious of me, an’ it made me melan
choly, so I thought, yer honor, I’d com
mit. suicide."
For a really fine coffee at a mod
erate price, drink Denison’s Seminole
Brand, 35c the lb., m sealed cans.
Only one merchant in each town
sells Seminole. If your grocer Isn’t
the one, write the Denison Coffee Co.,
Chicago, for a souvenir and the name
ol your Seminole dealer.
Buy the 3 lb. Canister Can for $1.00,
•—Adv.
Are You One?
“When they take photographs of a
banquet why do they always set the
camera up as far as possible from the
speaker's table?"
"That’s easy. The speaker and the
prominent guests who sit near them
never buy tho photographs. It’s the
boc#s out on the edge of the crowd
who fall for that stuff.”
This Is Awful.
“Ham and eggs,” remarked the
cheerful idiot at the breakfast table,
“are fraternal relations.”
“What’s the answer?” queried the
fluffy-haired blonde who writes type
between meals.
“They usually belong to the same
order,” explained the c. i. with a
chuckle.
Ungrateful Wretch.
"I'm writlug a letter to Aunt Sarah,”
said wifey, “thanking her for the visit
she paid ns. Do you wish to add any
thing to it?”
“You might thank her on my be
half,” replied hubby, “for not staying
any longer than she did.”
Undoubtedly.
"Miss Day claims she’s just twenty
four years old.”
“Miss Day? I knew her father well.
He died thirty years ago."
“Then she's thirty if she’s a day,
isn't she?"
One Thing Sure.
Binks—Yes, sir; the horse is nearly
obsolete.
Jinks—I notice yours Is.
You can’t hurt some men unless you
hit them on the pocketbook.
k
Experts Who Know—
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Grape-Nuts
FOOD
. I . — . - »
This product contains the finest ingredients
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Cooks Association.
THEODORE M. La MANNA ADOLPHE MEYER
President Secretary
E. S. HODGSKIN. M. D.
Food Expert
* ... " ;
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/
I A Suggestion—In stuffing your chicken, turkey, duck or goose for the Christmas
1 dinner, try using one quarter Grape-Nuts and three quarters bread crumbs, instead of
all bread crumbs. You will be delighted with the crisp, nutty flavour imparted by
this wholesome ingredient.
Grape-Nuts food comes ready to eat direct from the package; and is nourishing,
easily digestible, economical, delicious.
1 “There’s a Reason”
\ Sold by Grocers everywhere.
RUSH OF RECRUITING
OVERTAXES OFFICERS
|
! Last Day For Enrollment of
j British Volunteers Results
In Crash.
j
London, Deo. 111.—There was an nn
: precodented rush this morning at the
| recruiting stations. Physicians and
j clerks nearly exhausted by tho work
of the last three days, wore confronted
on arrival at their posts this morning
with long lines of men —in many cases
several hundred—wuiting for the open
ing of the doors.
To handle the crowds the staffs at
the recruiting stations have been in
creased. Enrollment under tho Earl of
Derby’s plan ends at midnight.
In the rush medical examination has
become as perfunctory as the signing
of tho recruit's name, and it is ex
pected many of those who have come
forward will be rejected when called
for active service.
The crowds become so great that it
was manifestly a physical impossibil
ity to examine all tho applicants be
fore midnight. The authorities there
fore decided to permit attestation
under the Derby plan until midnight of
Sunday. If the rush still continues, re
cruiting officers will moke lists of ap
plicants and those men will be per
mitted to present themselves for at
testation up to midnight of Wednes
day.
CONSPIRACY QUIZ
IS UP TO SENATE
Resolutions For Congressional
Inquiry Into Foreign Interfer
ence With Trade, Plots,
Etc., Submitted.
Washington, Dec. 13,—Further ac
tion on a state resolution demanding
congressional investigation of Britisli
interference with American trade,
with an amendment to extend the in
quiry to cover bomb plots and loss of
American lives. In submarine accidents
on vessels on the high seas, rested to
day with the foreign relations com
mittee.
The resolution, proposed yesterday,
by Senator Hoko Smith, of Georgia,
who in a sharp speech denounced the
British order in council, drew the
amendment from Senator Lodge.
“The body of an Innocent child, float
ing dead on the water, the victim of
destruction of an unarmed vessel is
to me a more poignant and a more
tragic spectacle than an unsold bale of
cotton declared the Massachusetts
senator.
To Senator Smith's resolution for an
investigation of trade interferences,
Senator Lodge who is the ranking min
ority member of the foreign relations
committee offered an amendment for
investigation of the low and the facts
in the submarine attacks on the Lusi
tania, Falaba, Hesperian, Arabic, Gul
fllght and Ancona, and of the plots
and conspiracies against the neutrality
of the United States to which Presi
dent Wilson referred in unmeasured
terms in his address to congress Tues
day.
Sent to Committee.
Both resolutions were referred to
the foreign relations committee upon
whicli further action will depend. Their
introduction, however, had served to
bring out the first debate of the session
of a subject to which all minds had
turned.
Senators on both sides of the cham
ber were drawn Into the discussion
which was precipitated by a vigorous
speech by Senator Smith in support of
his resolution.
"I wish to extend the scope of the
resolution by my amendment” said
Senator Lodge, as the Georgia senator
concluded, “because if we are to take
up this question of the violation of
our rights, I want to put it not on the
lowest ground alone, but on the highest
ground as well. I think it is of great
importance that we should vindicate
our rights as a neutral in trade if those
rights have been violated, but I think
it is far more important that we should
extend protection and assure security
to American citizens wherever they
rightfully are, for I do not believe that
any government can long retain the
respect of its own people if it does
not give them the protection to which
they are entitled.
“I think Americans should be pro
tected in their lives and in their liberty
everywhere. I do not think they ought
to be murdered by retail and obscurety
in Mexico, or openly by wholesale on
the high seas.
Lives Above Dollars.
“Although I am as anxious as any
one can he to care for our rights in
trade if they are violated, to me Ameri
can lives are more important than
American dollars. If this investigation
is to go on and especially if congress
Is to take action, 1 want it to take in
all the violations of all our rights that
may have occurred. The most im
portant is the violation which lias af
fected American lives or the security
of an American citizen, men, women
or children. And the next most im
portant are those pointed out by the
president of the United States in his
message the other day when he refer
red to tlie, destruction of property ac
companied by destruction of life in the
United States and stated that con
spiracies in alien interests are going on
within our borders.
“I think that if we are to investigate
and inquire witli a view to action, such
deeds as these should not be omitted.
I am not willing to get in a passion
over an infringement of our trade and
then allow American citizens to lose
their lives and have it go by in frigid
silence. I think the United States
stands for something higher in the
world than mere trade and mere dol
lars. I do not want to see our citizens
wronged in their properties, hut I think
we should also stand and above all for
morality and humanity in tlie dealings
of nations with each other."
Senator Works, of California, asked
Senator Lodge if his amendment was
comprehensive enough to include in
vestigation of parts played by citizens
of the United States in sending am
munition on ships which had been at
tacked or destroyed. He was assured
that it was meant to Include Inquiry
into all angles of the general subject
of belligerent interference with ships.
BRYCE IS HONORED.
London. Dec. 11.—Viscount Bryce,
former British ambassador, has been
unanimously elected president of the
Pilgrims of Great Britain, In succes
sion to the late Field Marshal Earl
T>r>V'p»'f c
GIANT MOBILE GUNS 1
FOR COAST DEFENSE
War Department Experiment
ing With Now Type of
Portable Cannon.
Washington. Doc. 13.—Gigantic guns,
mounted on motor trucks or railway
cars, probably will be added to the
country's coast defense system, as a
result of experiments now being made
by army ordnance experts. It was
learned today that a scheme Is being
worked out contemplating the estab
lishment of mobile batteries to protect
stretches of coast line not commanded
by the permanent fortifications built
or to be recommended. Part of tho
$80,000,000 expenditure for coast de
fenses included in the administration 1
program may be devoted to this work.
The European war hus demonstrated j
that high power guns cun be used as
mobile weapons, such guns as tlie Ger
mans use having revolutionized land
warfare by the easy reduction of forts
believed impregnable. It I i proposed
to adapt this lesson to American coast
defense by linking permanent works
with well ballasted wagon roads or
railways, paralleling the coast line, so
that tlic heavy guns could be rushed
to any threatened points not protected
by the present harbor defenses.
Tlie experiments In progress are be
ing made to determine how big a gun
can be effectively transported and
transferred from Its carriage to a con
crete foundation. Consideration is be
ing given to 12-inch. 14-lneh, 16-inch,
and even larger weapons.
Ill PEACE COUNCIL
Quarrel Said to Have Led to
Exposure of Von Rintelen’s
Activities—Baron Zwe
idinek Involved.
New York. Dec. 13.—A quarrel which
rent Labor’s National Peace council In
to two antagonistic factions was stated
today by federal officials to have been 1
largely responsible for the uncovering
of an alleged conspiracy involving
Franz Von Rlntelen to instigate strikes .
in munition factories.
According to this statement, a num- I
her of the members of the council
Joined the organization, believing it
was a body formed to work impartially
in the interests of peace. Litter they
discovered, it is said, that an inner
ring of German sympathizers and
agents of Von Rlntelen was in control
and intended to use the council as a
means to further the strike propaganda.
When the government started an in
vestigation into the activities of Von
Rlntelen, several men who had been
officials of the peace council and had
resigned went to the federal authorities
and placed at their disposal a mass of
information regarding the inner work
ings of the council.
L. P. Straube, secretary of the coun
cil, is said to have been one of these
men. He is due from Chicago tomor
row and will be questioned by United
States Attorney Marshall. He is also
expected to be one of the principal
witnesses for the grand jury when that
body reconvenes next week.
Samuel Gompers, president of the
American Federation of Labor, will be
another witness. It was stated at the
federal building today that the call for
reconvening the grand Jury is being
held up pending dellnite information
as to when Mr. Gompers can get here.
Washington, Dec. 11.—The state de
partment has received a photographic
copy of a letter suid to have been
written by Baron Erich Zweidtnek von
Sudenhorst, August 2B, 1914, to the
Austrian consul general at New York,
stating that nine Austrian reservists
in San Francisco desired to come to
New York and proceed thence to Aus
tria and suggesting that it might be
possible to “procure suitable passports
of neutral countries at comparatively
slight expense.” The Austrian con
sul at San Francisco, the letter said,
had been instructed to send the men
to New York.
Baron Zweldinek is tit present charge
of the Austro-Hungarian embassy, the
highest diplomatic representative of
his country In the United Suites.
At the time of writing the letter he
was counsellor to the embassy.
State department officials, while ad
mitting that they had received a copy
of the letter and other letters alleged
to have been written by Baron Zweid
inek, declined to comment on them or
to state what disposition would be
made of them.
Karon Erich Zwledlnek, charge of
the Austro-Hungarian embassy, today
called upon Secretary I .arising to ex
plain a letter he wrote in August, 1914,
in which he suggested that passiwirts
be bought for Austrian reservists. The
state department has a photographic
copy of the letter.
The charge is understood to have in
formed Secretary Lansing that at the
time the letter.was written lie was a
subordinate in the embassy.
Dr. Constantin Dumbn, tile ambas
sador who has been recalled, was then
in charge, and it was said that Baron
Zwiedinck contended that he was act
ing not upon his own initiative, but
under the instructions of the ambas
sador.
BRYAN IGNORES COURT;
HE MUST SHOW CAUSE
New York, Dec. 11.—William Jen
nings Bryan, former secretary of state,
in an order signed by Supreme Court
Justice Whitaker todav was declared
In defuult for failure to answer a sum
mons to appear as a witness in the
suit for alleged libel brought by Petros
T. Tatanls against D. J. Vlasto and S.
J. Vlasto.
The court also Issued an order re
quiring Mr. Bryan to show cause why
he should not be adjudged In con
tempt of court. This was made re
turnable December 23.
BIG MILL BURNS.
Kingston. Out., Dec. 11.—The local
plant of the Maple Leaf Milling com
pany, whine plant at St. Catherines
was burned a few days ago, was de
stroyed by fire today. The stock,
valued at $60,000, and the plant is said
by the company to be a total loss. The
cause of today's fire is unknown, but
circumstances surrounding both fires
led to the assertion that spies were re
sponsible
The horn of the rhtnoceros Is not
joined to the bone of the head, but
grows on the kID"
REPORTED GREEKS
IAY DEMOBILIZE;
ALLIES FALL BACK
Decree Authorizing Demobiliz
ation Expected to Be Issued
Shortly By King of
Hellenic Nation.
ALLIES ARE HARD PRESSED
Small Force of Defenders N*t
Equal to Enormous Bat
talions of Teutons and
Bulgarians.
Athens. Dec. 11. (via Paris), Dec. 13.
*~Tne Greek government has made ait
arrangements for demobilization of
the army. It is expected a decree to
this effect will be issued shortly.
The French minister had his con
ference of this week with King Con
stantine this morning. Subsequently
the minister of the entente powers
called on Premior Skouloudis. It Is
learned on good authority that ener
getic representations were made for
the purpose of inducing Greece to
hasten action in regard to the facili
ties demanded for the allied troops at
Salonikl. A decisive move on the part
of the Greek government is expected
momentarily.
The interview given by King Con
stantine to the Associated Press has
been republished here and has created
a sensation.
ANGLO-FRENCH PROPOSE TO
HOLD THEIR SALONIKI BASE
Paris, Dec. 11.—France and Great
Britain decided today to continue the
campaign in the Balkans and agreed
on military measures designed to as
sure the security of the expeditionary
forces which landed at Salonikl.
A semi special announcement is
sued this afternoon indicates that the
an<1 British troops are being
withdrawn from Serbia.
Tlie agreement which has reference
to concerted military action in other
zones as well as in the Balkans, was
reached by Premier Brland and War
Minister Gallieni, the French repreeen
tanves, and Foreign Secretary Grey
and War Secretary Kitchener, acting
Cor Greut Britain, who have been in
conference in Parts during the lost two
days.
The announcement, issued after to
day's conference, says the principle ot
maintenance of French and British
troops at Salonikl, was approved by all
the participants, and that military
measures have been taken to assure
the security of the expeditionary
corps, which is retreating methodically
towards its base.
ANGLO-FRENCH NOT EQUAL
TO POWERFUL OPPONENTS
London, Dec. 11.—The latest news
from the Balkans indicates that the
allies are still falling back, but with
out suffering the losses endured t*n the
Itrst days of the retreat, when the
pursuing Bulgarians attacked rear
guardH repeatedly. Paris reports that
in these notions the French inflicted
heavy losses on the pursuers by their
artillery fire.
The British public received a shock
In the form of a Salor.ikl dispatch stat
ing that Ciovgeli had been occupied
by two divisions of German troops.
Later reports, however, state that this
Important position is not yet within
the range of the invader's guns. Giev
creli is on the Oreek frontier, near the
vardar river, and commands the rail
road north from Salonlki. The town
first came into prominence during the
present war as headquarters of the
typhus hospital of Dr. James F. Don
nelly, of New York, who died in Nish
In February.
It is generally conceded the nres
Dnt forces of the allies are Inadequate
to cope with Bulgaria and the central
powers, whose armies, according to a
statement credited to Premier Rndo
of Bulgaria, now number
I, 980.000 men.
RETIRING ALLIED ARMIES
FIGHTING AT EVERY STEP
Berlin, Dec. 10. (via London, Dec.
II. )—The retreat of the British and
French expedition in Serbia Is being
aonducted with great difficulty. Their
main force has been unable to disen
gage itself and retreat unhampered,
eavlng only rear guards behind to de
lay their pursuers. Instead of permit
ting them to do this the Bulgars and
reuton troops are maintaining the
closest t*uch with their retiring foe,
who is, therefore, forced to retire fight
ing at every step.
This, it is reported here, explains
the loss of six British guns south of
Strumitsa.
RUSSIANS AND AUSTRIANS
CONCENTRATING ARMIES
Berlin, (by wireless to Sayville).
Doe. 11.—Advices received here today
indicate that the Russians are hurried
ly concentrating troops along the Ru
manian border. The Austrian forces
In Bukowina also are being reinforced
heavily.
A Bucharest dispatch, forwarded by
way of Budapest, says that the harbor
at Reni. the Russian Danube port at
which troops have been concentrated
for some time, has been closed to pas
senger and freight traffic since Mon
day, because of the forthcoming ar
rival of additional transport ships.
SAYS ALLIES ARE RETIRING
TO GREECE IN GOOD ORDER
London, Dec. 11.—A dispatch to Rue
ter'a Telegram from Saioniki. dated
Friday, says:
“Complete calm prevailed yesterdny
aad throughout the night on the front
of the entente forces. The retirement
of the entente allies is progressing in
good order.
"The political situation engrosses the
public.”
FRENCH SHIP ESCAPES.
Marseilles, France, Dec. 11,—The of
ficers of the French steamer Harmonie
which has arrived here state that the
vessel was attacked recently by a«
Austrian submarine. The submersible
Eired two torpedoes which were with
out effect and then withdrew'. The
next day the Harmonie was atta< • cl
oy an aeroplane that flew overhead lor
i quarter of an hour and dropped six
oombs, all of which fell into the. sea.
VIENNA LACKS COAL.
Zurich, Switzerland, Dec. 11.— ivfct
London.)—Reports reaching h* e f— >i
Austria say that the supply of • i
Vienna is so small •’ ’
ot lighting t’<■
