CAUGHT AT LAST.
Mr. Harvey Thnckston, bachelor,
had arrived home from the club, aud
was about to retire for the night.
He had thrown off his vest, released
his collar and cravat, and taken off
his boots, but there his divesting pro
cess had suddenly ceased, and wo find
Mr. Thackston sitting upon the edge
of Ids bed as motionless ns a statue,
holding a boot in either hand, and at
times gazing silently from his boots
to the gas jot, aud from the gas jet to
ids boots.
A person might have surmised from
the bachelor's appearance that ho was
in doubt whether to complete his di
vestment n*d go to bed, or resume
what articles lie had already taken off
and sally forth for a little more enjoy
ment, or that he was racking his brain
over a question of more serious inter
est. A lew words from the gentleman
himself, however, will sparo the tor
ture of conjecture.
“So, so," he mused, looking down
apon his boots witli a smile of amuse
ment, and swinging them between his
knees like pendulums ss lie spoke.
“So Ralph has gone—oh? Gone mad,
xnd been married? Well—well, who'd
have thought it? And I'm the only
one of tiie club left single. Ha, lia!
What u grand triumph tids is tor me.
I'ho last! The only man of the whole
lot who had the power to resist it,
Ha, ha! You're quite a hero, Harvey,
my boy! They all said you would go
first, but you didn’t! Several of them
vowed that they would be thelastones.
Several of them had the impudence to
vow they never would be married.
But they bavo all succumbed at last.
Love, the conqueror, lias levelled them
all like reeds under the scythe, or ten
pins before the bowling-ball. 1 stand
alone, the only survivor of the dread
ful carnage. Poor Ralph! Gone! and
he was captured so helplessly. Amelia
Weatherst'on’s bright eyes and hand
some curls were too strong for him,
much as ho used to profess himself in
vulnerable to a score of Amelias. 11a.
ha! What a helpless bit of clay a man
seems to be, with a pair of black eyes,
a beautiful face, anil a cluster of curls
confronting him.”
Mr. Thackston here stopped swing
ing his boots, and transferred his at
tention suddenly to the gas jet.
“The flame of love," ho soliloquised,
his metaphor probably Inspired by the
dancing gas-light—“the flame of love
has dovourod them as chaff, and hero
I sit a self-conceited salamander—a
gloating victor. •Your turn now,’
Ralph said to me, parting at the club
to-night. ‘Yes. my turn, I know, but
k turn that will be totally devoid of
event’ 'Not so,’ they all said. ‘You’re
no more love-proof than we are, Har
vey. You have hail will enough to
stick it out to the last, which must
have been extreme torture, but you’ll
succumb, never fear.’ Novor! Never!
I huvo lived a bachelor's life too long
to relinquish it in the very zenith of
glorv and delight
“^Vhati Surrender liborty for slav
ery! Give up my jolly life, that owns
not even the shadow of authority, for
that ‘wedded bliss’ which holds for the
Innocent victim the gloomy prospects
of rigorous system, punctual hours,
spicy broozes, occasional hair-dress
ings, cradles, soothing-syrup, and
much else too distracting to think of!
Step from Elysium into Bedlam! Ugh!
tiie thought makes mu shiver, if I
should take such a mad step my con
science would torture me to the grave.
I’d be playing false to my club, to my
night-key,and to the general principles
of good fellowship. Some pooplo think
my sentiments rancid. Let them. I
have been called a woman-hater. 1
am not! I can revel in a woman’s
smile and sweet talk as well as any of
them. I can look upou a woman with
as much true admirution as any of
them, but I can admire her from tiie
proud height of impartiality, and while
toying with the fatal hook, prove the
fact that I am an extremely hard fish
to catch. Oh no-—I’m not a woman
hater. I’m a man of common sense—
~ a t __»»
With this sage reflection, Mr. Thack
aton threw his boots into a corner, ar
rayed himself in his night-costume,
put out the gas, and went to bod.
A few days subsequent, Mr. Harvey
Thackston was enjoying his summer
vacation among the most fashionable
circles of Newportsoeiety. Handsome
and wealthy, courteous, jovial, and
fenerous in the highest degree. Mr.
hackston always created a marked
impression in whatever society he
chose to enter.
At Newport he was in his glory.
The jolly, happy-go-lucky, free-and
easy beaux, the stately belles, and the
flaunting coquettes, all flocked around
him, the former to revel in his charm
ing company, and shave his magnifi
cent wine, the two latter to endeavor
witli the charm of beauty, and the
science of artifice, to snare hint in
their nets, and effect the capture ut a
millionaire and his fortune.
For the first class Harvey cared a
great deal. To them ho devoted his
heartfelt attention; for, rollicking caro
less fellow that ho was, he loved good
fellowship, and was bound to enjoy it.
no matter what the cost. For the'lat
ter classes, lie cared comparatively
nothing, lie was a bachelor, a mail
alio, regarding the sublime passion,
possessed, it was said, a heart of ada
mant, in\ulncrabie to charm, unas
sailable to stratagem. What eared he
for their smiles and coquetry? Noth
ing. He let tlmir cunning artifices
pass unnoticed with the utmost inno
cence. If he met them, ho paused for
a while, and chatted pleasantly; when
invited to their receptions (winch was
often the case.) he attended them if
possible, always taking his leave, how
ever, with an imiiflereuoe that was
actually astonishing, exhibited, as it
was, by a single, marriageable gentio
man.
So the gay and festive young gen
tlemen who were his companions
praised him as a jolly fine fellow, with
a soul as good as gold, while the de
feated belles, the nonplused skirmish
ers, and their speculative parents,
murmured amazement at their fail
ures. Society in general “gazed and
wondered much,” and all concurred in
pronouncing the bachelor a very
“queer fish.”
One day a polo-match was annonneed
to take place on the amusement
grounds. There was a large attend
ance of people to view the sport, for
the captuin of one of the sides was re
ported to be none other than Mr. Har
vey Thackstou.
When the match began,sure enough,
the captain of tho Blues, mounted
upon a superb horse, was immediately
recognized as the jolly bachelor.
The first innings, after a bard con
test. was won by the Blues, through a
masterly final stroke effected by their
leader; and as the bachelor rode in
from the strife lie was cheered to tho
echo by his vast throng of admirers.
The second innings began. It
proved a greater struggle. This time
victory seemed destined for the Reds,
for they had carried the ball almost to
tho goal. Desperately excited, Har
vey Thackston spurred forward to
save tho battle by another grand
stroke, but, In leaning forward to
strike the ball with Ids mallet, he sud
denly lost his balance, and toppled
from his saddle. Ids head striking the
ground with violence, where ho lay
i stunned and bleeding.
Cries of horror tilled the air; friends
; rushed forward to the fallen man’s as
sistance. and ho was quickly removed
| to one of the Held tents. But at the
! moment of his fall, far above the geu
! oral peal of exclamations, rang the
1 startling voice of a female from the
midst of the spectators upon the grand
stand, and Therese Montressor, tho
reigning belle of Newport, fainted in
her mother’s arms.
When Harvey recovered his senses,
he found himself lying upon a ham
mock-bed in one of the coolest tents
upon the polo-ground. Ho seemed to
betray some surprise in finding him
self alive, but this gave place to aston
ishment when lie felt a soft hand placed
tenderly upon his forehead, and heard
a sweet voice inquire:
“Do you feel better, Mr. Thack
cjumi ;
He looked up, and discovered the
speaker to be the beautiful Theresa
Montressor.
“Gracious!” lie exclaimed. “You
here. Miss MontrossorP And alone?”
“Alone? Yes, Mr. Thackston, and
doctoring you into the bargain,” she
replied with a smile. “You had a
fearful fall. Papa and mamma took
you in charge after it happened.
Everyone is a lunch now under the
grand awning, and I volunteered to
stay here to attend you.”
“This is very kind of you. Miss
Montressor," lie said. “I did not think
myself so high in your esteem as to
merit this consideration. Yes, 1 feel
all right again. I’ll go out and re
mount. Are the moil waiting for
me?"
“No, indeed; they’re waiting rather
for the wine-service at the lunch-table,
and if you are wise, Mr. Thackston,
fou will never mount a liorso again.
declare your fall gave nte such a
shock i fa—I almost fainted. Your
head is very feverish. Let me bathe
it.”
Miss Montressor thereupon proceed
ed to repeat the duties slio had been
performing at regular intervals for
the past hour. Harvey enjoyed the
delicious treatment for some time, and
also tile pleasantest chat he had ever
had with any lady of his acquaint
ance.
There wns a perceptible change iu
the bachelor’s demeanor as lie listened
and talked to his charming compan
ion. He seemed to bestow the most
sincere attention upon her and every
thing she said. He did not indulge in
so much careless rambling nonsense
and heartless levity as was his wont
As a general tiling, at any stage of a
conversation, Harvey was equal to all
emergencies, and ever ready to throw
in some of his qnaint humorous re
marks in a way that kept tile talk flow
ing ripplingly. Now, however, at
times the conversation was very inco
herent. There were drags, and pauses,
and actual gaps. There was evident
ly something disturbing the bachelor’s
liubitual tranquility. And lie felt there
was, for under the bright glances of
the beautiful Thereso, lie wriggled and
twitched, like a being under the influ
ence of si“iie fascinating basilisk.
“Hallo. ' cried a voice suddenly.
“Alive again?” and turning their eyes
towards the opening of the tent, Har-j
voy and Theresa saw standing there
Mr. Ralph Liston, the former’s chum j
of the club, who had so lately fallen a j
victim to matrimony.
“Yes. alive again, Ralph. Come
Ralph entered. Therese Montressor !
rose.
“The relief watch has come. I am
off duty,” she said. “I will go to
lunch now, Mr. Tliuckstoo. Good-bye
for the present. Don’t get talking ex
citedly now, or you’ll work yourself
into some dangerous fever,” and she
fluttered from the tent litre a butterfly.
Ralph sat down on the camp-stool
which Therese had just vacated. Only
a few moments had passed when hede
1 tected a strangeness in his friend's
manuer—an abstractedness, as if his
! thoughts were not occupied with the
subject of which he was talking.
Ralph smelt a mouse immediately.
"Do you know, my dear Harvey,” j
he said suddenly, "the scone I discov- i
ered here u moment or two ago was of i
i a rather suspicious nature? It was,
I bv Jove! Rather a pretty picture.
Sick warrior on couch, with beautiful
I female Samaritan. Bright glances, 1
soft voices, and all that. Something
: in that, Harvey. Confess!”
“Pshaw!" said Harvey with a smile.
“Don’t say pshaw to me. Go on,
| Harvey. I’ll not tell on you. She's |
a good catch. Hook her at the first !
nibble.”
"Nonsense!” said Harvey, with an
other smile. “I thought you knew
! better of me than that. You’re a clown
| Ralph."
“Love is flooring you at last, Harvey
, —I know it.”
i “No, sir. Ha. ha! What a silly
, noodle you arc, Ralph. l)o yon sup
| pose that I have passed over and over
again through roaring flames to be
; dually scorehed and cooked by a trivial
puff like this? That tho last bachelor
of the club, the magnificent tail-piece
of celibacy, is yielding himself to the
common fate, more easily, perhaps,
than any of youP”
"Thai’s it. precisely. I have often
said. Harvey, that our braggart sol
dier, fighting to the last, would prove
an easier victim than any of us. I be
lieve It, too. Wait and you will see.
I don't assert that the vanquisher will
be Therese Montressor, but It will be
someone, ambushrd at present, but
doomed very soon to stand in your
patli and dispute your further solitary
progress. The trouble is, Harvey, 1
you haven't met your fate yet. You
will thwart peril with the utmost im
punity until you do. But when your
fate appears—beware!”
••Ralph, you’re a fool,” said Harvey.
“Thanks. Excuse me a moment,
please. There’s my wife out upon the
green, looking for me. I must hail
her. All, what a nice bunch of ber
ries a wife is, Harvey! You never go
berrying, do you?" and darting a pro- j
yoking smile at his friend, Ralph !
rushed out.
Harvey looked up at the roof of the
tent, passed his hand across his fore
head, thought a while, and began to
wriggle.
“What a delicious thing it is,” he
mused, “to have a pretty woman
soothing a fellow's head with a sponge
and basin of water. Charming Theresa
is handsome and no mistake. As pret
ty as an angel, and as clever as a Gir
ton graduate. Beautiful eyes, won
drous depth of expression, and what a
voice! What a heart, too! Whoa!
steady, Harvey! What are you doing?
Lotting the vision of a pretty woman
run a way with you? Dispel it, then.
There! Hang it, it won’t go! The
black curls, the bright eyes, the soft
smiles, the fairy sponge and basin, are
all flashing before me life a sea of
freshly-minted gold sovereigns, and
tiie voice is still dvvolliug in my ear
like the murmur of some babbling
brooklet. Pshaw! I’m getting poeti
cal. That's a bad sign. Harvey, my
boy. really this is getting serious.
You re going crazy. Is love hammer
ing for admittance at the gate of your
heart? Don’t let him in. Keep 'him
out. But these immaterial creatures
frequently jump the fence. Let him,
and he’ll break his neck once and for
ever. Remember your vow. A bach
elor as long as you live; a jollv life;
freedom; no slavery! Ha, ha! Sorry,
Theresc, very sorry; but, it can’t be
helped. Drop your anchor, Harvey,
and let the storm come. You can stand
it.”
Harvey was a man given to much
strange soliloquizing, lint in this solil
oouy Tie was stranger^'ian his wont.
What was the reason r Was it the fever
produced by Itis fall in the polo match,
or the fever of loro? Harvey turned
over and fell into a comfortable sleep.
Notwithstanding his intention to
drop anchor and weather the storm,
an hour later, when lie awoke, the
first thing ho did was to hurry to his
hotel and pack his valise. In the evo
nir, -j, to the general surprise of every
one, lie bade Newport adieu and took
the train for London.
What was the reason of liis hasty de
parture? The reason which lie” as
signed was fear of the wound upon his
head, and the desire to have the at
tendance of his own physician. The
reason which Ralph Liston suspected,
and the true one, was that he dared not
trust himself in the company of
Therese Montressor; that he had ilown
to escape the allurements of love.
Poor Harvey! With all his bravado,
what a coward lie was!
The Newport season closed. Society
was again comfortably settled* in its
metropolitan quarters. Harvey played
his accustomed part in the club gath
erings nud social receptions. He was
invited to many parties, arid he went
to all of them. But lie was Invited to
one too many. He went to it, and Itis
doom seemed to be foreshadowed. He
met Therese Montressor. He went to
several others, and through the skill
full management of an arch-villain
muned Ralph Liston, ho met Therese
Montressor at all of them. By this
time lie was fairly in the toils—a help
less captive, amt one of the easiest
victims.
One evening Therese Montrossor
sat in the parlor of tier father's man
sion, in company with a gentleman.
They were alone. The gas had not
been lighted; the parlor was illumi
nated only by the ruddy glow of the
cheerful grate, but by this light, any
one could have appreciated the situa
tion.
The gentleman had one arm clasped
lovingly around the lady’s waist. In
ouo hand lie was pressing that fairy
member w'liich had once bullied his
temples so pleasantly.
“Will you be miue, Therese?” he
asked.
“I will,” she whispered softly.
Hnrvev gave a sigh of relief.
“Pvo done it,” he murmured to him
self. “Or, at least, love has. How
sheepish I feel! To think 1 should
ever come to this! How I've been gath
ered in so easily knocks me! Ah, well
—love is quite a conundrum. Therese,
my darling, I am yours for ever.”
Thus the last bachelor of the club
fell into the tempting abyss of matri
mony.
Ghosts with Bad Habits,
The movement recently put on foot
In this city to have the hones of China
men buried in the New York Bay ceme
tery and Evergreen cemetery exhumed
*u<i sent to China will bring relief to
hundreds of families in the celestial
kingdom.
The average Chinaman is nothing if
not superstitious. When one dies down
in Chinatown all the other celestials
hurriedly move out of the house. The
deceased may have been corapanionahle
enough when living, but beiug dead hie
ghost becomes a thing of terror.
The ghost of a Chinaman buried in a
foreign land never rests. Listless,
opium-fuddled Wong Bong may never
have stepped beyond preciuts of Mott
or Pell street, but his ghost is always
cursed with Bohemian instincts ana
is possessed with an insane desire to
travel.
Every little while it takes a flying
trip to China and the first thing they
know the relatives of that Chiuaman
begin to run against it in the dark and
have their wits frightened out of them.
The poor ghost isn't to blame, either.
Old Charon positively refuses to recog
nize him; he gets low spirited, down on
his luck, and Anally, in sheer despair,
becomes a chronic hunter of former
relatives sud is, in short, an ouWend
out nuisance.—Ar. ¥. Herald.
‘When er man is ter’ble anxious ter
gib something away." said Uncle Kben.
"hit am er sho sign dat It ain't muoh
'count Dis 'pllee tor advice same as
anything else."~ Waahtnglm Star.'
F Smiles bright—teeth white
with
55
p
s Delicious, wholesome, beneficial, appetite
B and digestion-aiding confections
The longest-lasting, most helpful and
== pleasant goody possible to buy.
USES Have you seen “ Wrigley’s Mother Goose, intro
during the Sprightly Spearmen” — newest
n"a jingle book—28 pages in colors?
5 (HERE IS A SAMPLE VERSE)
5 As I was going to Saint Ives
=5 / met a man with seven wives—
SEach wife had a fine, clear skin,
All were fat—not one was thin,
And each had a dimple in her chin;
What caused it ? WRIGLEY’S!
The “Wrigley Spearmen” want you
to see all their quaint antics in this
book free ! Write for it today and
always ask for “wrigley’S”— the gum S
in the sealed package — wrapped in &
United Profit Sharing Coupons. as
WM. WRIGLEY JR. CO. S
1404 Kesncr Bldg., Chicago S
Chew it Biter every meat if
Excellent Notion,
“There are now in existence so
many societies for the prevention of
so many different things, and so many
more being formed all the time for
the prevention of other things,-’ said
old P. G. Pester, "that it would be a
good idea to inaugurate a few socie
ties for the prevention of societies
for the prevention of things. This
could be carried on and elaborated un
til we had societies for the prevention
of societies for the prevention of ev
erything; somewhat on the order of
torpedo boats and torpedo-boat de
stroyers and torpedo-boat-destroyer
destroyers. Then after the last so
ciety had done its duty we might
abolish it and have a period of rest
for the weary.”—Kansas City Star.
For a really line coffee at a mod
erate price, drink Denison’s Seminole
Brand, 35c the lb.. In sealed cans.
Only one merchant in each town
sells Seminole. If your grocer isn’t
the one, write the Denison Coffee Co.,
Chicago, for a souvenir and the name
of your Seminole dealer.
Buy the 3 lb. Canister Can for $1.00.
—Adv.
Their Only Chance.
‘The Browns are going to celebrate
their silver wedding next week."
"Why, they’re only been married
five years.”
"Yes. but they want to have it over
with before they get their divorce.”
Not tirajr Hairs but Tired Eyes
make us look older than we are. Keep your
Eves young and you will look young After
ttie Movies always Murine Your Eyes—
Don’t tell your age.
Strenuous Life.
"You seem all done up.”
"Yes. I'm working on the night
shift in Wall street.”
In the hands of a woman the powder
rag is mightier than the sword.
Grand opera is well enough in its
way. bat the finest music is the rustle
of a woman's skirts.
_|
A coajhman may not attend church,
but be drives a good many others
’here.
Heat Form of Energy.
The evidence that heat is a form of
energy rather than a fluid is furnished
by the fact that heat can be produced
practically to an unlimited degree in
any given body by the application of
mechanical energy. If heat were a
kind of fluid, it would be discernible
in the body at any time, and could not
be increased merely by pounding it. A
bar of iron, for example, can be heat
ed simply by the process of hammer
ing. That fact is consistent with the
hypothesis that heat is a form of en
ergy. The hammering sets up rapid
molecular motion within the body, and
that rapid molecular motion is synony
mous with heat. Cold is simply the
absence of heat.
First Seal of the United States.
The first great seal of the United
States was cut for Undo Sam in 17S"
and the first document to bear its im
print is dated September, 178V. It is
a parchment commission granting
General Washington full power to ar
range with the British for an exchange
of prisoners of war. The document is
signed by John Hancock, president ot
congress, and countersigned by
Charles Thomas, secretary. The seal
was impressed upon the parchment
over a white wafer festooned with red
in the upper left hand corner.—From
the Magazine of American History.
Underwear for Father.
"No, that ain't loud enough. I want
the loudest underwear ever made!"
“What for, no one ev»r sees it.”
"I want it so loud that I'll be able
to find it mornings when it's got my
wife's and all the children's clothes
piled on top of it."
Great Relief.
"Law books are very dry-.”
"Still, 1 enjoy reading them occa
sionally. They’re free from slang,
anyhow."
What Did She Mean?
He—1 am going to kiss you when I
go.
She—Leave this house at once, sir!
The cooks try hard, but they appear
to be able to do very little with the
navy bean.
*** V ^ ,i
His Punctuation. ;
The editor of a newspaper published J
in central Pennsylvania tells of arti- r
cles that he frequently receives from
a certain citizen. They are always
pertinent and worthy of publication,
but they are punctuated in a most pe
culiar way.
Meeting his correspondent one even
ing at a friend's house, the editor
said: "That was an excellent letter
I got from you this morning and 1 am
going to print it Saturday. But tell
me, what rule do you follow for punc
tuation?”
"Why," said the gentleman, “the
same rule I learned when I was
a boy. I put a semicolon every 12
words and two commas between each
pair of semicolons.”—Youth's Com
panion.
Fate of an Important Question.
At a meeting of an Atchison ladies
club two months ago a Very Important
Question was discussed. It was so
Very Important the members decided
Hasty Action should not be taken and
it was Laid on the Table for Consid
eration at the Next Meeting. The Next
Meeting was held a few days ago. The
Secretary had neglected to make a
record of this Important Question, but
the President happened to remember
it was Laid on the Table, but neither
she nor any other member of the so
ciety was able to recall it, and con
sequently one Important Question will Jj
never be disposed of.—Atchison Globe. ~
Amazing Rise.
"Some men have the commercial
instinct highly developed.”
"For example?” -j
“Well, there's Tom Jones, who used ^
to go to school with me. He started
with very little capital and went into
the chicken feed business."
“Yes, and now?”
"He’s a dealer in elephant fodder.”
If it wasn't for tbe weather a great
many loafers would have no excuse
for remaining in the business.
The fool delivers his words by num
bers and the wise man by weight.
Many a good man who condemns a
sinner secretly envies him.
