WOULDN'T TRUST THE ’GATOR Darkey Had by No Means Lost Hla Faith, but He Was Just a Little Apprehensive. ( Biehop McDowell tells a story about |a southern baptism. A colored preach ter was dipping his converts in the wa iters of a tropical stream when one old ‘darkey saw a crocodiile sunning him self on the opposite bank. When his turn came to be immersed he drew back, costing terror-stricken eyes at the sleeping saurian. “What’s de mattah wld yo’, brud Ider,” said the parson; “yo’ all ain’t lakeered o’ dat dar gator, is yo’?’’ ; The darkey admitted frankly that Ihe was. “Don’ yo’ all ’ member de story ob Jonah an’ de whale, an’ how de whale Mun spit up Jonah on de shoah?” "Yes, passon. Ah ’members erbout Jonah. But dat whale dun hab a con •cienco. Dat 'gator looks lak he might , tgo to sleep an’ fergit all erbout me.” Is Typhoid Conquered? Vaccination to prevent smallpox Is ■o general in this country and has ‘been so effective in abolishing what ‘■was formerly one of the most destruc tive scourges of the human race that (nearly everybody except the small number of people whose temperament predisposes them to “take the other side” accepts it as a matter of course and recognizes in it one of the great est blessings conferred by modern Omedical advancement. But typhoid vaccination is somewhat comparative ly new, with which the public as a (whole is not familiar. Yet it will be "well for the public to take heed of the results that have been obtained by its cse in the United States army.— Cleveland Leader. George Ade on Matrimony. George Ade, discussing matrimony In an after-dinner speech at the Chi cago Athletic club, said: “Marriage has the effect of giving a man a swelled head. "Many a time, looking at this hus Iband, or that, I say to myself: “ 'Ah, if that man were only as wise «a he thinks his wife thinks he is!’” The Sequence. “Just as we were wondering where the money for a feed was to come from, Billy Smith, who always has his pockets full, blew in—” “Well, what happened?” “A blow-out.” ! Easy Then to Be Generous. I The trouble with some would-be igenerous men is that they always leave their money at home in their Other clothes. ^ Dodging. “Will you give me your name, please?” “Pardon me, miss, but this isn't leap year.” The Pioneer. "Who started the first exposure of Ithe underworld?” "I guess it was the first volcano." The Reason. “Cat shows are generally a success.” “No wonder. A cat show ought to come up to the scratch.” A man always expects his wife to be a lot better than he expects her to ex pect him to be. The man who makes a god of wealth Is generally just about as crooked as the dollar mark he worships. It sometimes requires a buoyant na ture to keep up appearances. ANOTHER COFFEE WRECK What’s the Use When There’s an Easy Way Out? Along with the coffee habit has grown the prevalent “American Dis ease”—nervous prostration. The following letter shows the way out of the trouble: "Five years ago I was a great cof fee dripker and from its use I be came so nervous I could scarcely Bleep at all nights. My condition grew worse and worse until finally the phy eician I consulted declared my trou bles were due to coffee. “But being so wedded to the bev erage I did not see how I could do without it, especially at breakfast, as that meal seemed incomplete with out coffee. "On a visit, my friends deprived me of coffee to prove that it was harm ful. At the end of about eight days I was less nervous, but the craving for coffee was intense, so I went back to the old habit as soon as I got home and the old sleepless nights came near making a wreck of me. “I heard of Postum and decided to try it. I did not like it at first, be cause, as I afterwards discovered, it was not made properly. I found, how ever, that when made after directions on the package, it was delicious. “It had a soothing effect on my nerves, and none of the bad effects that coffee had, so I bade farewell to coffee and have used only Postum since. The most wonderful account of the benefit to be derived from Postum could not exceed my own ex perience.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Write for a copy of "The Road to Wellville.” Postum now comes in two forms: Regular Postum—must be well boiled. Instant Postum—is a soluble pow der. A teaspoonful dissolves quickly in a cup of hot water and, with cream and sugar, makes a delicious bever age instantly. Grocers sell both kinds. “There’s 9 Reason” for Postum. L The Eternal Feminine. DO TAKE another cup, my dear. Yes, don’t you think it’s very queer, How she can dress so handsomely? Her husband lost his job, I see. Her name was Jones—quite common, yes. Dunham sounds better, I con fess. They say her temper’s some thing wild— I pity that poor little child. Yes, paints her face. Her hair, my pet— She used to be a dark brunette. Say, darling, did you hear the bell? No—well, there is lots more to teU. Oh, no; she is no friend of mine. Here, try this cake, dear; it is fine. They say poor Dunham’s get ting thin. i Poor Mister Dunham, ’tis a sin— (Maid quietly ushers lady in). Why, Mrs. Dunham, how-de do ! I heard somebody coming, But I never thought ’twas you! Just sit down, dear, and have some tea With your friend, Mabel Gabb, and me. We just were saying, my it’s queer— We just were wishing you were here! —Margaret G. Hays. HIS ARBITRARY AILMENT. By Catherine Cooper. (Copyright, 1914, by the McClure News paper Syndicate.) Jimmy Blake had gone down to visit the family physician partly because his fam ily demanded It and partly because the feeling of having a brick somewhere with in him was becoming unpleasant. His disposition had become more or less ragged. The members of his family had Insisted upon his consulting a doctor as much for their own sake as for Jimmy’s relief. He had taken clams and a tankard of ale for his lunch. A half hour later the Drick had assumed the proportion of two bricks in his interior. Undoubtedly the clams and ale had precipitated his visit to Doctor Warner. When Jimmy rang the doorbell he felt very much like a forelorn hope. Never again would he eat soft shell clams. When the door opened Jimmy’s face quite naturally essayed a smile. He found the task easy, even under his physical dis tress. She who had opened the door was both gracious and bewitching. "The doctor has not come in yet," she said. "Won’t you come in and wait?" "Will I?" thought Jimmy. "Waiting is one of the best things I do," he told the girl. His laugh was frank and boyish. People usually liked Jimmy; he had eyes that were true, a nose that tilted slightly, and laugher-loving lips. He followed the girl in the white uni form into the spacious waiting room. When he had chosen a comfortable chair the girl offered him a selection of current Action and would have left the room, hav ing established his comfort. "Am I to be left alone?" Jimmy ques tioned. "I might faint or have a At or something," he added. The girl smiled in spite of herself. "You do not look in the least as If you could accomplish either of those turns successfully," the girl told him. "Besides, there will be other patients in soon." The door bell rang and she disappeared. The doctor was late and Jimmy had the pleasure of watching for the little -white robed figure as from time to time patients were shown into the waiting room. Once or twice the girl sent him a swift glance and Jimmy’s pain felt infinite relief. When the physician’s limousine drew up at the curb Jimmy hurriedly collected his symptoms; he had almost forgotten his troubles under the influence of Mary Richard’s smile. It had been Jimmy’s good fortune to catch her name from one of the patients. ment,” she laughed happily, and slipped over into Jimmy’s waiting arms. “Tho cure." said Dr. Warner, “it complete.” TOWELS ON THEIR “LAST PEGS” New Electrio Hand Wiper Bids Fair to Augment Junk Heap. From the Washington Times. Now it’s the electric hand wiper. This is the last word in sanitary de vices for public buildings, and promises to relegate the paper towel to the same Junk heap with the roller towel. The electric hand wiper is the in vention of J. H. Ward, superintendent of the district building, and one has Just been installed in the washroom in the basement floor of the building The electric hand wiper resembles a large box with an opening in the top over which wet hands are held. By pushing down a foot lever the machine is put in operation and a strong cur rent of warm air comes out through the opening, and presto! the hands are dry. The air is driven through th$ opening with a strong electric blower, first passing over two minia ture plectric furnaces, which warms it to a temperature that does not chili the hands. “The only objection that has de veloped so far," said Mr. Ward today, “is that it takes too long for a person to dry his hands. As a matter of fact, it takes Just 30 seconds, but because one stands at the machine holding one’s hands still it seems like five minutes.” The machine is much more economical than paper towels. The cost of wiping 100 pairs of hands is Just one cent. A Pretty Lively Corpse. From the Duluth Herald. The beet sugar Industry, you will re member, is dead. Its friends put that beyond any doubt when the tariff debate was on. Free sugar, they said, would kill at a single blow the entire sugar beet industry of this country; and free sugar was voted in and the new tariff begins its work of de struction in March. Well, the beet sugar Industry is acting very singularly for a corpse. Its incomprehensible actions are report ed in interviews in Michigan papers with Bertram E. Smith, an officer of one of the several large beet sugar factories in that state. According to Mr. Smith, the refiners this year are offering a flat price for beets, which in the long run will pay the farm, ers rather less than they have been get ting, but which has the merit of insuring the farmer a good Income from his beets, even in years when the sugar content is low, as sometimes happens. Under the old plan the farmer had to take a larger chance on the season. Under the new plan the factory does the gambling and the farmer knows precisely what to flgura on. And, according to Mr. Smith, the farm, ers like this arrangement so well that thej are eagerly signing contracts for this sea. son. Moreover—again according to Smith the factories will contract for a large; acreage this year than they did last. Moral: When official mourners bury at Industry killed by tariff revision, don’' let your sympathies get away with yo> too quickly. v\ nen sne DecKonea nim to rollow her Into the office he arose with alaorlty. With the memory of her eyes It was with difficulty that Jimmy summoned a com prehensive list of his Internal disturb ances. Dr. Warner, who had watched the first breath of life escape Jimmy’s lips and had nursed him through measles, his first cigar Illness and many others, gazed quizzically at the boy. “From what you have said," he told Jimmy, “I would Infer there was some thing on your mind, as well as that brick you mention. However, you must take a test meal for me next Friday. After that, we can fix you up In no time. There Is a little lack In digestive juices that can be remedied easily.’’ Jimmy arose quickly; partly because he knew the doctor to be a very busy man and partly because the girl In white would be waiting to open the door for him. “The hours are 2 until 4,’’ the girl In formed Jimmy. “You were down early. Dr. Warner comes In from the country.” “I will be down at 1:30 next time," Jimmy laughed, “and you had better be waiting to receive me. There is grave danger of my needing support in the famished condition I will be in. I get nothing to eat Friday but dry toast and tea—so be waiting to catch me.” He sent a second smile deep into the girl's eyes and went out. On the way to the office Jimmy was ever conscious of the quick sympathy that had sprung into Mary Richard’s eyes and the wonderful tenderness of heart that assuredly was hers. He fell to wondering why he had never seen her before at Dr. Warner’s and just who she was. His questions wrere answered during his next few visits. Mary Richards was a niece of the doctor and had come on to New York with the half-formed idea of becoming a nurse. She had come to realize through her slight experience with her uncle that she could never study medicine. “Therefore—I am going back home," she told Jimmy. “Soon?” he questioned quickly. “As soon as uncle finds just the per son he wants to fill my place,” she said. Jimmy became suddenly unhappy. This would be his last visit to the doctor. A most evil tasting acid medicine had finally put his interior being into perfect order. There was not even a chip from that brick lurking within him. He could eat soft shell crabs and drink ale all day if he desired to do so. However, Jimmy was not going to be done out of his visits to the doctor, w'hen with each one he seemed to be gaining some wonderful feeling within him that warmed hi3 heart and made him forget all the girls he had once known. Ho pondered deeply over his new sensations and wondered If he were in love. Dr. Warner was puzzled. Jimmy Blake came In once a week and each time ho came there was some new trouble. Symp toms tnat no doctor had ever heard of seemed destined to meet In Jimmy’s body. And always Jimmy’s cheeks re sembled blooming roses, his eyes sparkled with health and his lips were scarlet with clear blood. “My boy,” said the doctor, “I will have to call In another physician. A consul tation is the only way to solve this ques tion. I am at my wits’ end.” He went to the bell, pushed It and stood waiting with a peculiarly odd smile in his eyes. Mary Richards came swiftly in, “Yes, doctor?” she questioned. “Mary,” said the doctor, “I have called you In to consult with you about this young man’s case. It Is perhaps the first time you have been consulted—" “No, it is not,” Jimmy cried. “I have consulted and consulted and consulted with her.” The girl blushed even to the shadows beneath her eyes, he cast a swift look at Jimmy, then turned to her uncle’s pro tecting arms. “You said you needed me here," she told him in a little trembling voice. “I did not want to leave you until you had found some one to take my place.” “There!” nodded Jimmy vigorously, “that is what she has been telling me for the last three weeks, and here am X pining away to a mere wraith simply A;*cause Mary insists on opening that outside door for you.” He grinned boy ishly at the doctor. “That is the cause of my aches and pains. She refuses to marry me right away.” “I would call her an arbitrary ail ment,” laughed the doctor. Mary stood on tiptoe and kissed her uncle’s far seeing e.\ es. ”1 refuse to be called an arbitrary all The Mighty Movies. From the Nebraska State Journal. The promptness with which OJinaga wa» captured after General Villa had mad* terms with a moving picture companj must be taken as one more victory foj the all conquering “movies.” There was * strange hitch In the campaign agalnsj OJinaga last week. After reducing thf place and Its garrison to dire extremitj the attacking army drew back and sal down. This was assumed to be a wait foj reinforcements. Then It Is announced, General Villa confirming the report, that he has flnallj come to agreement with a moving pic ture concern to make films of the assault on OJinaga. If Villa's army wins, th« pictures are to be shown In Mexico on i royalty of 60 per cent. This detail ar ranged, events move rapidly. Almost be fore we can open our eyes Villa has move< against OJinaga and the beleagured in habitants have waded the Rio Grande an< placed themselves under the protectloi of the United States. Napoleon nerved his fighting men bj the suggestion that 40 dead centuriei looked down on their Egyptian battles What Is to be the manifold of fighting power now. when generals can remind their men that 40.000,000 living eyes are ot them, or soon will be. The “movle”-in .spired Mexicans of Villa swept OJlnagt away like a feather once the presence o! the camera spurred them to do their best The Good Old Times. From the Pittsburgh IDispatch. A writer In Leslie’s threatens to writ! a sermon on “The Old Things Are Bet ter.” Wrc are going crazy nowadays, uh« says, over novelty, new fashions, new In ventions, seeing new places, but the ol< things are better, the old friends, the gooj old furniture, and old shoes. Is then anything on earth so comfortable and dej lightful as a pair of soft, flexible ol4 shoes? This eternal harking back to thi good old times, old fashions, old ways an4 old shoes shows the persistence of half truths. The people of the present day arj having It dinned into their ears that 1; they lived as their great grandfather^ did they would have nothing to complalg about. Otherwise we ore warned w< going crazy oYfcr novelty. “Old fashions old ways, old shoes?” Why not old tal low dips, old dirt streets, old lumbering Conestoga wagons, old pumps, old wood piles and old log cabins? Was it the era*! for novelty drove people to the electrl< bulb, paved streets and sidewalks, stean and electric railroads and automobiles city water supply, gas fires and moderi houses? “The good old times.” Bah There never was a time as good as today The High Cost of War. From The Argonaut. We are now informed that the Baikal war cost $*6,000,000, and that the net re suit has been the killing of 228,000 men The per capita price seems to be a ver] high one, something over $3,000; but ther what can one expect from these primlttv! peoples unversed in the methods of civil ized commerce? Recent police disclosure! in New York show that the average prlc< of a murder is about $26, and probablj even this price could be reduced on taking a quantity. Evidently the Balkan people! have much to learn both In markets and marksmanship. - YOUTH WAS A LITTLE BITTER Uncle's Quite Natural Desire Did Not Seem to Him to Be Altogether Reasonable. Howard Is quite a spendthrift His only living relative Is an old uncle who Is not; and there are other differ ences between Howard and his un cle, says the Cleveland Plain Dealer. However, one day not long ago our young hero more or less diffidently ap proached his avuncular relative with the latlmation that it would be a graceful thing for the old chap to loosen up. "Young man.” said the nncle, “you sre a spendthrift If I had money I would not give it to you. But I have so money. You seem to think I have t treasure hidden away somewhere. Set rid of that notion. I have saved Bp a suns largo enough to bury me de cently when I die, and that Is all. Now, get out!” A friend of Howard asked him a lit tle later In the day why he looked so thoughtful. “I was Just wondering,” he said, “where that old fellow got the Idea that he ought to be buried decently.” Queer English Duty. Americans will be Interested to know that from 1660 It has been cus tomary to take a duty as one of the hereditary customs of the crown. In 1660 there was a duty of eight pence a gallon on all the tea liquor sold in all coffee houses—a great inconveni ence to tea drinkers, because it was surveyed only twice a day by the ex cise officers, and so could only be brewed twice a day.-—London Mail. JUDGE CURED, HEART TROUBLE. I took about 6 boxes of Dodds Kid ney Pills for Heart Trouble from which I had suffered for 6 years. I had dizzy spells, my eyes puffed, my breath was short and I had C&tlls and back ache. I took the pills about a year ago and have had no return of the palpitations. Am now 63 years old. able to do lots of Judge Miller. manual labor, am well and hearty and weigh about 200 pounds. I feel very grateful that I found Dodds Kidney Pills and you may publish this letter if you wish. I am serving my third term as Probate Judge of Gray Co. Yours truly, PHILIP MILLER, Cimarron. Kan. Correspond with Judge Miller about this wonderful remedy. Dodds Kidney Pills, DOc. per box at your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co., Buffalo, N. Y. Write for Household Hints, also music of National Anthem (English and German words) and re cipes for dainty dishes. All 3 sent free. Adv. _ Between the Acts. "Sir,” said the man in the orchestra chair, "in passing to and fro you have ruined my silk hat.” “I cannot help that, sir,” said the other. "If you had gone out between the acts yourself your hat would not have suffered!”—Puck. Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets first pnt up 40 years ago. They regulate and invigorate, stomach, liver and bowels. Sugar-coated tiny granules. Adv. Progress. "How Is your Shakespearian club getting on?” “Splendidly. We learned two new steps last week.”—Life. Don’t tell a girl you are in love with her and have an idea that she la go ing to help you out It Isn’t always the biggest man who looks down on his neighbors. K| K 1*5 up via fiiJ? i“v ALCOHOL-3 PER CENT 9 :j; Awgetable Preparation for As- | tfcwj similat ing the Food and Regula- 9 * 1 Stomachs and Bowels °!I‘ 9 os Promotes Digestion,Chcerful ?j nessandRest Contains neither 1j5 Opium.Morphine nor Mineral 55} Not Narcotic ^ Rk>Of ^mwWesfern Canada HHT/'AIl parts of the Provinces of Manitoba, Saskatchewan and NSSj Alberta, have produced won- \Smj jj/EMSafi] derful yields of Wheat, Oats, W /VT/Jllrw ®ar*ay and F*a*- Wheat graded \R from Contract to No. 1 Hard, \W /iff//9 weighed heavy and yielded from 20 , W mjff *° 45 bushels per acre; 22 bushels was ® Mj// about the total average. Mixed Farm- \\iWfjJ vjjfljjtf ing may be considered fully as profit- UiUlN| WM able an industry as grain raising. The mfl Ww excellent grasses full of nutrition, are Wl the only food required either for beef ml \W or dairy purposes. In 1912, and again in UflJ ml 1913, at Chicago. Manitoba carried off K| the Championship for beef steer. Good fW7 schools, markets convenient, climate ex Mj cellent. For the homesteader, the man Hu who wishes to farm extensively, or the \fljl HVl investor, Canada offers the biggest op- Ml Mr portunity of any place on the continent, gj SSp Apply for descriptive literature and CM if reduced railway rates to HI fjjf Superintendent of M| tty Ottawa, Canada, or to pfgTrGSHnjiZAl ftj I. *. lulMhlu, Dnwer 578, If/B'LrrKl, ! U Watertown, M. 1»., W.T. lU-ni.rU, 3 / lX.'f A | 1H Iteo Halldlnf, Omaha, Nebraska [i^TS» » DGl {>* and B. A. Uarrett, Sil Jaekaon K I A. Hi Street, St. rsal, niiutMuU V*|vNI2pjf4 Bj Canadian /* WdtfvJ j ■ MGovernment Agent! iwlma.1 ihJ FREE TO ALL SUFFERERS If you feel ‘out of bouts’ 'RUN down’ ‘got tho blubs* BUFFER from BIDNET, BLADDER, NERVOUS DISEASES, CHRONIC WRAKNBBS, ULCERS. SKIN ERUPTIONS, PILES, write for FREE cloth bound medical book on these diseases and wonderful cures effected by THE NEW FRENCH REMEDY No.1No2No.3 THERAPION the remedy for tour own ailment. Absolutely FREE* No'follow up’circulars. No obligations. Dr. LkClkro Hkd. Co.. Haverstouk Rd.. Hampstead, London. Emo. WE WANT TO PROVE TUBRAPION WILL CURB YOU. BIIDTIIQE CURED in a few days ilUr 1 UflEi without pain or a sup gical operation. No pay until cared. Writ* DR. WRAY, 308 Bee Blilc., Omaha, Nab gfettife&iiSflfrc SBS&*iK Alfalfa Seed $6 JMSSh»!F, sSux1 ??t-vTS RP A ET 13 (O of this paper desiring Em rl wJf tCm n to buy anything adver tised In Its columns should Insist upon having what they ask for, refusing all substitutes or imitations. SIOUX CITy'pTG. CO. NO. 6-1914. Nib Kind You Have Always Bought