-= —
Boy* Prefer the Farm.
The farm boy has a tremendous ad ,
▼outage In the world. Early he li
‘trained to self-reliance, to perform
once of duties, to regular labor. He
has a sound body. He Is eminently
fitted to do the greatest things done In
the world. He recognizes that the
farm Is the best place In the world In
which to live. Ten chances to one he
would prefer to stay on hie father’s
farm. If the father can learn to make
the farm pay well. If he can make it
progressive, with hope of fine achieve
ment at the end of the struggle, then
most boys will stay. It Is when the
farm Is stagnant, unprogressive, dead,
almost hopeless, that the young man ,
sets his face resolutely away from the
farm.—Breeder’s Gazette.
9UDGE CURED, HEART TROUBLE. j
I took about 6 boxes of Dodds Kid-I
■ey Pills for Heart Trouble from
which I had suffered for 6 years. I
had dizzy spells, my eyes puffed, j
my breath was
short and I had
chills and back
ache. I took the
pills about a year
ago and have had
no return of the
palpitations. Am
now 63 years old.
able to do lots of
Judge Miller. manual labor, am
well and hearty and weigh about
100 pounds. I feel very grateful that
I found Dodds Kidney Pills and you
may publish this letter If you wish. I
am serving my third term as Probate
Judge of Gray Co. Yours truly,
PHILIP MILLER. Cimarron, Kan.
Correspond with Judge Miller about
this wonderful remedy.
I Dodds Kidney Pills, 50c. per box at
your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co.,
Buffalo, N. Y. Write for Household
Hints, also music of National Anthem
(English and German words) and re
cipes for dainty dishes. All 3 sent free.
Adv.
Turn About Is Fair Play.
"A famous tenor,” said Giullo Gatti
Oasazza, “was Invited one night to
dinner by a Chicago trust magnate.
The dinner was superb, but at its end
the trust magnate asked the tenor to
sing. This, of course, was as bad as
Inviting a doctor to dinner and then
asking for a free prescription. So
the tenor politely declined. The
trust magnate, however, insisted.
After five or ten minutes of this, the
tenor said, with a laugh:
“ ‘Oh, well, every one to his trade
Let me see you pick a pocket. Then
I'll sing.' ”
RASH ITCHED AND BURNED
400 South Hermitage Ave., Chicago,
111.—“I was attacked with a breaking
out on the inside of my arms. It was
a small rash or pimples and it Itched
and burned, especially at night, so
that before I knew it I had made my
self sore. I had to wear the finest
kind of cotton underwear, no woolen
at all, because the least thing Irritat
ed it and made It much worse. The
rash Itched and smarted until at times
I got no sleep at all.
“I had this trouble and took treat
ments for about one year, but they
only gave me relief while faking
them. Then I began using Cuticura
Soap and Ointment and I got relief
right away. In three months I was a
well man again.” (Signed) H. W,
Foley, Nov. 6, 1912.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample of each
free,with 32-p. Skin Book. Address post
card "Cuticura, Dept L, Boston.”—Adv.
Alexandria.
Alexandria is Egypt’s principal port
and commercial center. According to
statistics taken In 1908, Alexandria
occupies third place among Mediter
ranean ports. Twenty-one ocean navi
gation companies maintain a regular
scheduled service at Alexandria.
Important to Nlothora
Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for
Infants and children, and see that It
In Use For Over 30 Years.
Children C17 for Fletcher’s Castoria
Their First Tiff.
"I'm sorry I ever married you!’’
shrieked the bride, on the occasion of
their first quarrel.
“You ought to be!” retorted the
groom, really angry and bitter for the
first time. "You beat some nice girl
out of a good husband.”
For the treatment of colds, sore throat,
etc.. Dean’s Mentholated Cough Drops give
sure relief—6c at all good Druggists.
Wrong Ones.
Mamma (at amateur entertainment)
—Hush, Willie, the violinist is trying
her strings.
Willie (aloud)—Then, while she’s at
It, why don't she fix them that show
In back?—Puck.
If you would learn a man’s weak
ness let him talk while you listen.
Foley Kidney Pills Relieve
promptly the suffering due to weak, in
active kidneys and painful bladder action.
They offer a powerful help to nature
in building up the true excreting kid
ney tissue, in restoring normal action
and in regulating bladder irregularities
Try them.
Til ft an D <9 ft M > C v relieves ey«
1 51Unf]r3tjtl ©irritation cnuised
EYE WATER wmd. Booklet free
JOHN JL.THOMPSON SONo&CO.,Troy,N.l'. I
"Poets Will Be Addressing Odes to Us in a Year or
Two" Says Brindle; “Coming Into Our Own"
Dem It all anyway! being a reporter
la a hard life. This morning the man
aging editor called one of his staff to
his desk and said: “Get up a nice, hu
morous story about the high price of
beef—something that will make people
laugh." _
A nice, humorous story, Indeed! Why
ndt suggest writing something funny
about the death of Cleopatra or the
funeral of Marc Anthony! Fancy a re
porter going to Interview Mr. U. Con
sumer who has seven children, all cry
ing for meat, and three dogs. “Mr.
Consumer, tell us what you think about
the high price of beef. Please make
your remarks as pleasant and funny as
possible.” What would happen to the
reporter is too painful to be put in
words.
Of course an Interview might be
sought with the butcher. But he s
blamed by some for the high prices, so
the situation doesn’t seem at all funny
to him. Butchers have been known to
hurl meat-axes while under stress of
great feeling; so the reporter didn't
care to pay him a visit.
Turn to Mrs. Cow.
There was nothing left to do but to
seek an Interview with old Mrs. Cow
herself. The reporter found her reclin
ing contentedly In a field of clover,
chewing a frangrant cud.
“Brlndle, tell us what you think
about the high price of beef. Be pleas
ant, anyway, and be funny If you can. ’
“In view of recent developments, that
Is to say, the Increased cost of beef, It
Is not al all difficult to be pleasant,”
said the Interviewed one, with a most
engaging smile, “but It Is not my desire
to detract from the dignity which
should attach to this Interview by at
tempting to be comical.
“The abused cow Is about to come
Into her own. Hitherto we have been
shamefully mistreated. We have not
received the credit which Is our due.
The difficulty has been that she has
been too common. As one of our
philosophers has aptly said: ‘Too many
cows spoil the broth’; In other words,
when humans can buy the choicest cuts
of us for a mere song they don’t ap
preciate us. How many of your poets
\
have sung of us? And yet It was
Browning, I believe, who wrote some of
his best lines about a dog. Dogs aren’t
in the same class with us. You can't
eat a dog; or at least you wouldn’t care
to unless the price of beef gets a little
higher.
Change Is Due.
“But all this will be changed. The
poets will sing of us—you Just see. In :
another year or two they’ll be get
ting up odes to us.
“Another thing: Our children are get
ting better treatment now than they
ever did before. Of course It is all
very true that we cows do not possess
to any Important degree those finer
sensibilities which characterize and set
apart from all other animals the hu
man specie*. Still, I will say that it
always made me feel a little tired to
see my children knocked In the head
the minute they were born, If they
didn’t happen to look promising for
veal. Take the case home to yourself.
Supposing you were the parent of a
sweet little child with large soulful
eyes, with a thick mat of bright red
hair all over Its body, and with a most
appealing blat, wouldn't it make you
discontented If even before Its horns
were started some cuss should come
along and mess up Its brains with an
ax? But of course that doesn’t hap-I
Jen so much any more. Our babies are
laved and fed on the fat of the land,
ft pays to keep them a while. This la
i source of great comfort to us moth
srs.
Fine for Old Bossy.
“In one other respect the high price
jf beef has added much to my own per
sonal happiness. You see, I’m getting
jld. I don’t give down the milk the
way I used to and am to be killed this
fall for beef. Under the old order It
wouldn't pay to fatten me. I'd be sold
mostly for my hide, glue and bones.
But now see what they're doing! I'm
retting grain twice every day and Just
ook at this lovely pasture. I’m so
fat that even Billy Taft envies me.
h.\id I can’t tell you how happy it
makes me to reflect that when some
lungry man puts my tenderloin in hi*
mouth this winter it will be with a
3ue sense of appreciation of my true
worth; because you can bet It will cost
him enough.
“In conclusion let me say that there’s
nne more pleasant aspect to this high
jost of meat question. It makes the
vegetarians happy. With meat a lux
ury within the reach only of success
ful puglists and other millionaires, veg
etarians will And It much easier to
cling to their faith.”
SIDELIGHTS ON NOAH
FROM BABYLON BUGLE
Unique Documents Dug Up From Fertile Brains of Kansas
City Star’s Arkaeologist—Correspondent on Pipe
Dream Visit to Mt. Ararat.
____— a
Out In his hillside pasture, where
the grass had long ago been withered
up by the summer’s drought, U-ncle
Noah tho oldest inhabitant of Ashepe
Seidiiig, was building an over sized
houseboat. Early in the morning the
townpeople were awakened by the
sound of his busy hammer, and during
the dog days it had been a favorite
amusement with the villagers to wan
der out and watch him at his work
and ask him droll questions about how
soon ho thought it’d rain. It was the
talk of tho town that Uncle Noah's
brain had become affected by the in
tense heat and the long dry spell, and
plenty of people said it was really a
6hame his folks didn’t have him carted
off to the booby hatch.
’’Everybody knows,” said the wise
acres, as they chewed straw's and whit
tled up Noah's lumber, "that we never
will have another rain, and the corn
crop is ruined beyond all hope, and this
talk of piping water from the Euph
rates to the farms in Babylon county
is poppycock. Oh, well, what can you
expect with a democratic administra
tion?”
Meanwhile Noah was sawing wood,
as the saying is, for he had received
an Inside tip that there would be large
and copious doings along the Euphrates
in a very short time and that concrete
houses would soon be a drug on tho
market.
The wood that Noah sawed was
gopher wood (see Genesis 6: 14), for
it is well known that the gopher is one
of the hardest animals in the world to
drown out. The house boat was a
three-story structure and contained
dozens of stalls. It was painted In
side and out with pitch, and the ener
gies of the whole Noah family went
into its preparation. Even Ham, the
actor son, who was home for the sum
mer, took a hand in the proceedings,
and as for Mrs. Noah and the girls,
they were so busy making yachting
clothes that they hardly had time to
take in the mail.
Perhaps no more interesting com
mentary on tho story has been made
than an account which appeared in a
Sunday edition of the Babylon Bugle
a few days before the actual launching.
This lnvaluablo document was discov
ered recently by a brilliant young ark
eologist. It follows:
"Ashepe Seldlng—(Special to the Bu
gle.)'—G. W. Noah, for many years
weather observer here, the man who
says the earth will be destroyed by a
flood within 40 days, is ready fdr the
Big Noise to begin. Yesterday Mr.
Noah completed his 300 cubit house
boat, ‘‘The Laugh’s On You,” and to
day he was busy loading a curious as
sortment of livestock into it. Ele
phants and kangaroos, monkeys and
raccoons rubbed elbows with slender
giraffes and massive hippopotomi as
the animals filed aboard the ark two
at a time. A troop of trained parrots
helped Mr. Noah and his sons give or
ders to the cargo of mules.
"Poor old Noah I He undoubtedly be
lieves this flood thing is going to come
off, and there was a certain ludicrous
dignity about the old fellow as he stood
in the midst of the uproar giving or
%ers about loading the animals. Armed
with a pitchfork he drove the last two
beasts aboard—a pulr of sloths who in
sisted there was no need In starting
so soon.
“Then he turned to the Bugle corre
spondent and said with pathetic earn
estness:
There Is one matter I wish you
would correct. It has been erroneously
reported that the elephant entered my
vessel in company with the kangaroo
instead of with his own spouse. This is
not true, and In Justice to all concerned
I wish you would say so.”
He then rehased his theory of the
impending destruction of the earth and
predicted that Inside of a month the
dought stricken pastures of the Tigris
and Euphrates country would be worse
watered than the stock of the Meso
potamian Central railway.
“Throngs of Jeering villagers hung
around "The Baugh's On You” all day.
Just as the last gangplank was being
pulled up, a droll wag ran forward
with a pair of rubber boots and offered
them to Noah.
“Keep ’em yourself,” shouted the old
man, “you’ll need ’em before long.”
This brought down shrieks of delight,
for the dust here Is a foot deep, and
the drought has been so bad one can't
even float a loan, to say nothing of a
houseboat.
People here who have known the
Noahs for years say the old man has
always been a bit queer, but they never
supposed his family* would permit any
thing like this.
“I hope he didn’t take any squirrels
aboard his boat,” said one man. "If
he did, I’m afraid It’s all day with
Noah.”
Seven days after the best citizens of
Babyloa had laughed over the work of
the special correspondent, It began to
rain. And It rained In Ashepe Selding,
too, torrents and torrents and torrents
of rain. The second day the president
of the local bank waded out to Noah's
pasture and hailed this ancient mari
ner.
“I say, my good man,” said he, “Just
let down the gangplank and I will take
passage In the bridal suite.”
• But Noah, In oilskins and sou'wester,
made no move toward the gangplank.
“Nothing stirring,” said he pleasant
ly. "You may remember that you re
fused to extend my note at your pica
yune institution when I wanted money
to enlarge the first class cabin. Now.
In the language of the poet, you may
paddle your own canoe.”
And so the banker drifted away. So
did all the other folks who had been so
gay and flippant with the weather
prophet in the days of the drought.
They had all made game of him, but
Noah had not Issued any rain checks.
It rained for 40 days and 40
nights, covering the whole earth and
drowning everybody and everything ex
cept Mr. and Mrs. Noah, the Noah boys.
Ham, Shem and Japheth and their
wives, and the animals Noah had taken
aboard. And the cruise lasted more
than seven months. During this time
the actor son. Ham, took It upon him
self to be the life of the party, and it
was his habit to organize a blackface
minstrel show In the cabin every night.
Some of the witticisms dovlsed by Ham
upon this trip have been In use In min
strel shows ever since.
And there were other hardships.
Noah had not allowed the boys to bring
any liquor aboard “The I.augh's On
You,” and some of our leading ark
eologists believe that It was the Noah
boys, not Coleridge, who first pulled
that line about "Water, water every
where and not a drop to drink.”
Along In the seventh month, after the
family had retired and when the calm
of night wus broken only by the rhyth
mic breathing of the hippopotami, the
urk brought up suddenly with a grind
ing shudder. At once all rushed to the
deck, and In a little while the cause
of the stop wan apparent—the arlc had
run aground! Ordinarily this Is re
garded as a nuisance, but aboard the
gigantic houseboat It caused the wild
est rejoicing. It was a tremendous re
lief to learn that there was ground to
run upon.
Of course. It was Just a mountain top,
but a few weeks later, when the water
had gone down still more, and the dove
had failed to come back to the ork,
Noah and his family went ashore and
turned the critters loose.
As for Ham, originator of the min
strel show, he was sent away Into the
interior of Africa, and folks In general
agree that the punishment was mild.
COMPARE YOUR DIET
WITH CHART BELOW
In the Woman’s Home Companion, Zona
Gale, writing an article entitled “Ethic*
and Cooks,“ shows how cooks ought to
be trained to prepare, not that which the
family necessarily chances to like, but
that which in exact proportion and de
termined food value is adapted to produce
energy and growth according to law—a
law which few housekeepers and servants
understand. In the course of her article
Miss Gale reproduces the following food
chart which Includes the fuel values of
food as measured by calories, that Is, the
amount of energy needed to raise one
pound of water four degrees Fahrenheit:
Fuel
value
(Cal
Water. Protein. Fat. orles.)
Beef . 60.7 19.0 12.8 890
Veal . 60.1 15.6 7.9 626
Smoked ham_ 34.8 14.2 33.4 1635
Fish (white). 39.4 12.5 3.6 385
Oysters . 88.3 6.1 1.3 225
Chicken . 47.2 14.0 11.5 760
Ektfs . 66.5 13.1 9.3 636
Milk . 89.0 3.3 4.0 310
Butter . 11.0 1.0 86.0 3410
Potato . 76.0 2.1 .2 296
Green com. 75.4 3.1 1.1 440
Cucumber . 95.6 8 .1 06
Uaked beans.... 66.4 6.8 3.0 600
Peanuts . 2.1 29.3 46.5 2825
Walnuts . 2.8 16.7 64.4 3180
Wheat . 12.1 11.2 1.1 1656
White bread. 35.3 9.2 1.3 1200
Bice . 12.3 8.0 .3 1620
Oatmeal . 7.7 16.7 7.3 1800
Apples . S2.5 .4 ... 290
Dried figs. 2.0 4.4 1280
Chocolate . 6.9 12.9 48.7 5020
Land Values Incroased.
From the Kansas city Star.
The Assouan dam and other Irrigation
works In Egypt have cost about $63,000,000;
hut the increase In value of land In middle
and lower Egypt and the Kayum prov
inces has been from $955,000,000 to $2,440,
000,000. The total rent of this land haji
risen from $32,000,090 to $190,000,000.
Some men never borrow trouble;
they buy it outright.
The world production of fin last
year was 114,196 tons, as compared
with 166,828 tons the year before.
Mrs.Winslow's Soothing Syrup for Children
teething, softens the gnmn, reduces Inflamma
tion,alloys pain,cures wind co)lc,2&c a bottle.Mir
Explanation.
“What is oral surgery?"
"1 guess it is the kind which makes
a man mend his speech."
What Upset Her.
Mistress—What’s the matter, Nel
lie? Have you taken something that
doesn’t agree with you?
New Maid—Yes, mum; this job.
Proof of It.
“That pretty little singer has kill
ing ways.”
“Yes, 1 know; she murdered my
song."
Striking Type.
Marks—Your new stenographer Is a
remarkably handsome girl.
Parks—Yes, a striking type of fe
male beauty, so to speak.
All They Did.
"What did the speakers talk about
at your wife’s club meeting yester
day ?”
"Oh, each one talked about an
hour.”
Variable.
"How many ounces are there In a
pound?’’ asked the teacher.
“Well," replied the boy who listens
attentively, "ma says it depends on
where you deal."
Unanswerable.
Simeon Ford, New York’s well
known humorist, said whimsically the
other day, apropos of the death of J.
Pierpont Morgan: “We learn from
Mr. Morgan’s life that wealth does
not bring happiness. We know al
ready that poverty doesn’t bring it,
either. What on earth then is a man
to do?"—Argonaut.
Sadder Still.
Discussing a recent political scan
dal, in which an official was accused
of dishonesty, Richard Harding Da
vis, lunching with a number of theat
rical stars at a fashionable roof gar
den in New York, said, with a sigh:
“He is a man I would have thought
incapable of baseness. It is sad to
think that every man has his price.”
“Yes," said a comedian, “but a sad
der fact still is that half the time he
can't get it.”
Absurd Congresses.
Andrew Carnegie, in his advocacy
of universal peace, has no faith in
half measures.
“These congresses,” he once said in
New York—“these congresses that ad
vocate, not universal peace, but small
er bullets, gentler bombardments and
less destructive bombs annoy me.
“When we succeed, thanks to such
congresses, in eliminating savagery
from war, then it will be quite in order
for us to proceed to eliminate the
darkness from night.”
Most Any Time.
The scene is set.
A country road, trees, sky, summer
homes, a lake in the distance. A
steam railway line crosses the road
at right angles.
Enter, up the road, an automobile,
well loaded and running at high
speed.
Enter at the far right an express
train.
Both automobile and train are rush
ing toward the crossing.
Owner of automobile to chauffeur:
“Can you make it?”
The chauffeur, speeding up: "Sure
I can make it!”
He doesn’t.—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
—- ■— y
Worms Know Her Song.
Mrs. B. A. Hitchcock of Canaan, a*
officer of the Litchfield County Equal
Franchise league, has made the fol
lowing statement In a letter to a local
newspaper:
"I tamed half a dozen angle dogs at
worms, and got them so that they
would come up out of the earth and,
eat out of my hand. I fed them pump
kins and bran mash, but they thrlv*
best on sauerkraut. It took me som*
time to tame them so that they knew
my knock on the earth above then,
from the tap of an old hen’s bill. I
rap softly three times and whlstl*
'Oh. Promise Me,’ and up come th*
angleworms. One day I discovered
that the biggest, fattest angleworm
was cross-eyed.”—Wlnsted (Connjl
dispatch to New York World.
Egyptians Had 12-Hour Days.
The early Egyptians divided day
and night each into 12 hours, a cup
tom adopted by the Jews or Greek*
probably from the Babylonians. Th*
day is said to have been divided into
hours from 293 B. C., when L. Paplrfu*
Cursor erected a sundial in the tem
ple of Quicinus at Rome. Befor*
water clocks were invented in 15S
B. C., time was called at Rome by
public criers. In England the meas
urement of time was, in early day*,
uncertain; one expedient was by wax
candles, three inches burning an hour,
and six wax candles burning 24 hour*
—ascribed to Alfred, 886.
A Guess.
“What is that man's profession?"
"Lobbying.”
"How do you know?"
“It’s apparently the only profession
a man can carry on successfully white
he stands around doing nothing.”
1 eiwy
WOMAN A
GREAT SUFFERER
Tells How She Was Restored
To Health by Lydia E.
Pinkham’s Vegeta
ble Compound.
Grayville, 111.—"I was a great «uf
fererof female complaints for a year
and I got nothing
that helped me un
til I began taking
Lydia E. Pinkham’a
Vegetable Com
pound. I was irreg
ular and had cramp*
so bad that I had to
go to bed. Now I
have better health
than I have had for
years and I cannot
speak too highly of
your-medicine.”—Mrs. Jessie Schaab,
413 Main St., Grayville, 111.
Case of Mrs. Tully.
Chicago, 111.—“I take pleasure in.
writing to thank you for what Lydia E.
Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound hna
done for me. I suffered with such aw
ful periodic pains, and had a displace
ment, and received no benefit from tha
doctors. I was advised to take Lydia
E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound, and
am now as well as ever.”—Mrs. Wil
liam Tully, 2052 Ogden Avenue
Chicago, I1L
If you have the slightest doubt
that Lydia E. Pinkliam’s Vegeta
ble Compound will help you, writ®
to Lydia E.PlnkhamMedicineCo.
(confidential) Lynn, Mass., for ad
vice. Your letter will he opened,
read and answered by a woman,
and held in strict confidence.
SIOUX CITY PTG. CO., NO. 41-191Sk
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