v
Uric Acid Is Slow Poison
Excess uric acid left in the blood by
weak kidneys, causes more diseases
than any other poison.
Among its effects are backache, head
ache, dizziness, irritability, nervousness,
drowsiness, "blues,” rheumatic attacks
and urinary disorders. Later effects
are dropsy, gravel or heart disease.
If you would avoid uric acid troubles,
keep your kidneys* healthy. To stimu
late and strengthen weak kidneys, use
Doan’s Kidney Pills—the best recom
mended special kidney remedy.
A Missouri Case
MrsJ.P.Pemberton,
778 8. Lafayette St.,
Marshall. Mo., saysi
■My whole body was
swollen with dropsy.
1 had terrible back
aches and headaches.
The kidney secre
tions were In aw
ful shape. X save
up hope and wee
ready to die.
Doan's Kidney
Pills came to my
aid Just In time
and I improved
rapidly until I was
well. Today I am
in better health
than ever before."
_Get Doan's at Any Store, 50c ■ Box
DOAN’S ViLW
FOSTERJUILBURN CO., BUFFALO. N. Y.
HADN’T TOLD ANY UNTRUTH
Colored Witness Simply Stated a Fact,
Though It Was Not the Informa
tion Desired.
In St. Louis a stout colored woman,
apparently about forty years old, was
called as a witness In an assault case
before a police Judge. She said: “I
am eighty-four and I live down near
the river, and this Is what I saw when
the fight took place.”
She then gave her account of the
assault.
On cross-examination the attorney
for the defense asked her when and
where she was born, and she replied:
“Right here in St. Louis, in July,
•72.”
“Then,” cried the lawyer in a tri
umphant tone, “what do you mean
by saying that you are eighty-four?”
"Oh,” replied the old darky, “that
ain't my age; that is my bust meas
^ uremenL”
Scorned.
"It's true, Miss Plummer, that I
should not have tried to kiss you on
such a elight acquaintance and I am
heartily sorry. What can I do in
palliation of my offense?”
“If you are sincere, Mr. Pinhead,
In what you say, you might betake
yourself to some other part of the
lawn and leave the coast clear for a
man I see approaching who has the
reputation of getting what he goes
after.”
ir -
Quiet English Parish.
The tiny parish of Clannaborough,
North Devon, England, a little village,
has a population of only 42, so that
baptisms, marriages and burials are
not very frequent. The other week
the first marriage ceremony for 15
years took place, but even then the
couple were not parishioners, the
bride coming from St. Austell, the
bridegroom, whose home is at Ex
mouth, being the rector's brother-in
law.
i
I' An Endearing Act.
Wife (pleading)—I'm afraid, Jack,
you do not love me any more—any
way, not as well as you used to.
Husband—Why ?
\Wife—Because you always let me
get up to light the fire now.
Husband—Nonsense, my love! Your
getting up to light the fire makes me
love you all the more.
After the Premiere.
"You’re a gay kind of a friend!”
■aid Whimpler to Wigglesworth.
"Laughing like a hyena all through the
first act of my tragedy!”
“Tragedy? Tragedy?” echoed Wig
glesworth. "Why, Whimper, old man.
I really was trying to help you! I
thought all along the darned thing was
a very amusing farce!’’—Judge.
Some young men would rather love
and lose than never love at all.
HAPPY OLD AGE
Most Likely to Follow Proper Eating.
• -
As old age advances we require less
food to replace waste, and food that
■will not overtax the digestive organs,
while supplying true nourishment.
Such an ideal food is found in Grape
Nuts, made of whole wheat and barley
by long baking and action of diastase
In the barley which changes the starch
into a most digestible sugar.
The phosphates also, placed up un
der the outer-coat of the wheat, are
included in Grape-Nuts, but are lack
ing in white flour because the outer
coat of the wheat darkens the flour
and is left out by the miller. These
natural phosphates are necessary to
the well-balanced building of muscle,
brain and nerve cells.
“I have used Grape-Nuts,” writes an
Iowa man, “for 8 years and feel as
good and am stronger than 1 was ten
years ago.
“Among my customers I meet a man
every day who is well along in years
and attributes his good health to
Grape-Nuts and Postum which he has
used for the last 5 years. He mixes
Grape-Nuts with Postum and says
they go fine together.
“Kor many years before I began to
eat Grape-Nuts, I could not say that I
enjoyed life or knew what it was to be
able to say ‘I am well.’ I suffered
greatly with constipation, but now my •
habits are as regular as ever in my
life.
"Whenever I make extra effort I *
depend on Grape-Nuts food and it just
fills the bill. T can think and write a)
great deal easier.”
‘There's a Reason.” Name given by
Postum Co., Rattle Creek, Mich. Read
f “The Roar! to ollville,” in pkgs.
ISver r*■!« .I t in* above letter f A neir
one upper from time to time. They
wre Kcunitie, true, and full of human
tn l ere at.
m? MINISTER
, POLICE
| Bj HENRY MONTJOY
Copyrisht. 1912, The Bobb»-Merrill Company.
Synopsis.
“THE MINISTER OF POLICE.” by
Henry Mountjoy, is a romance of Paris
during the Louis XV reign, a period when
Europe was in a condition of foment and
unrest; when Voltaire was breaking to
pieces the shackles of religion; when
Rousseau at the Cafe de Re gen an ce was
preaching the right to think; and when a
thousand men, some in the gutter, some
near the throne, were preparing the great
explosion of the revolution. , .
Madame Linden, an Austrian lady,
after completing a simple mission to tne
French country, lingers on in I aris. en
joying the gay life there. De Sartines, tne
minister of police, thinks she has some
other motive than pleasure in delaying
her departure and surrounds her wu
epies to discover, if possible, whether sue
Is dabbling in state plots.
De Lussac is a noble of exceptional
character of that period. Handsome, wlti
all the elegance of a man of the court,
there is still about him something tnar
stamps him as a man apart, something o
the visionary, the enthusiast and tne poet,
rare in that age of animal lust, chilling
wit and embroidered brutality. He !■. *
fact, steeped In the philosophy of Rous
seau and is trying to put this philosophy
into practice through his connection wiu
a secret society that !a plotting the down
fall of the state. Before he has gone tar
enough to incriminate himself he falia m
love with the beautiful Austrian, who per
suades him his method of righting tne
wrongs of humanity is impracticable, ana
ends by promising to go to Vienna wun
her to live.
As he leaves her house a fellow con
spirator, his chief, joins him, sayw several
of their members ara arrested, and en
trusts the secret articles of the association
to him. He then explains to De lussac
that their only hope Is to intimidate tne
minister of police. This can be accom
plished only by obtaining an incriminat
ing contract signed by the minister of po
lice and in the possession and safe keep
ing of De Richelieu. De Lussac’s cousin.
With this contract in their possession they
can dictate terms to the minister of po
lice, obtain the release of the members
already imprisoned and be safe them
selves.
De Lussac goes home, buries the papers
he has just received, writes Madame Lin
den that he is attempting one last mission
for the society, and also writes an asso
ciate telling him where the papers may be
found in case of his death. Then he en
ters Richelieu's home and almost succeeds
in getting the document, but is surprised
and leaves it in a drawer which he has
unlocked. Before be can make another
attempt he is arrested and taken to the
Bastile but not before he has told Madame
Linden how nearly he succeeded in get
ting the document. She, realizing how
desperate her lover’s position is, visits
Richelieu’s homo and succeeds where her
lover has failed.
PART III.
CHAPTER II— (Continued).
“Ah,” said Madame du Barry when
she had finished reading, “can it be
that De Sartines—”
De Maupeou cut her short with a
grimace. In the mirror opposite to
him he had seen a curtain pushed
aside and the form of a gentleman dis
closing itself at the doorway. It was
the king, who had entered unan
nounced.
“Good day, Madame. Good day,
Monsieur de Maupeou. Well, what is
this I hear about Monsieur de Sar
tines?’'
r, »» ♦1-10
comtesse, "it is not what we hear about
Monsieur de Sartines that troubles me
but rather what we do not hear, tie
was to have called upon me to-day
with reference to matters like this”—
Bhe handed the verses to the king—
"but he. has not arrived. He is too
busy, no doubt, with the arrest of
pickpockets and other high affairs of
state no trouble about matters like
these.”
The king read the verses carefully
through, for he was very often min
ute in affairs of that sort, and with
every line his irritation deepened. It
was not so much the thing itself that
angered him as the whole situation.
Tlie Choiseuls, the Duchess de Ora
mont, the thousand and one hitter en
emies of the Du Barry all were con
spiring to make his bed of roses a bed
of thorns; the ballad-mongers were
helping as far as they could.
He flung the thing on the floor with
so much ill temper that the favorite
forgot her own anger and began to
laugh.
“Fortunately, dear France, if we have
not a De Sartines to make these gen
tlemen eat their own words, we have
a De Maupeou.” She handed the king
the order of inquiry which De Maupeou
had brought her, and De Maupeou, who
knew the king better than she did,
cursed inwardly as he watched him
reading it, knowing that in his present
temper his majesty was impracticable.
What he feared happened.
Having read the paper, Douis hand
ed it back to De Maupeou.
"We will see, monsieur, we will
see. But at present it seems to me
there is nothing to be done. It is the
men who pay for these things being
written rather than the men who
write them that we should give our
attention to.”
"But, your majesty,” said De Mau
peou, “it is not against the Versifiers
that this paper is directed, though in
deed it includes them in its net. but a
serious conspiracy against the welfare
of the state.”
His majesty imagined, from finding
De Maupeou and Madame du Barry
together, that this serious con
spiracy to which the vice
chancellor alluded had to do with the
tormentors of the favorite. De Mau
peou would strike them, no doubt, and
they would strike back. He did not
mind De Maupeou striking them, but
he objected to their striking back,
and all the fuss and fury of a prose
cution ably defended. He loved peace,
not for its sake, but for his own
sake.
“Well, we will see. Come to me to
morrow and we will talk the matter
over. I am ennuye.” He approached
the macaw and examined it with se
rious attention, while Do Maupeou,
furious, with all his plans paralyzed,
If not shattered, prepared to go. But
Mudame du Barry held him with a
glance.
“Your majesty remembers that 1
have a little dinner party today and
a little surprise for my guests in the
form of a certain pie.”
"Ah, the pie!” said the king, laugh
ing and turning from the bird. "Yes,
I remember now the pie.”
"Well, your Majesty, since Monsieur
de Maupeou is here and since Mon
sieur de Maupeou is the representa
tive of the law, I would ask him to
be present at the inauguration of my
pie, since Monsieur de Sartines, the
representative of order, is absent."
The king glanced at the severe and
serious face of Monsieur de Maupeou
and burst out laughing.
"Ma foi!" cried he, "an excellent
Idea. My dear De Maupeou, you must
dine with us today.”
“Your wish is my command, sire,"
replied De Maupeon, vaguely uneasy
nt the hinted mystery of this pie and
the manner-of the king, but glad, all
the same, of another chance to push
his request. "But, if 1 may make so
bold to say so, at the inauguration of
a novel form of cookery a representa
tive of the law seems to me less called
for than a representative of medicine
in the form of your majesty's phy
sician."
"Make your mind easy, dear Mon
sieur de Maupeou,” said the comtesse,
"my pie will give indigestion to no
one; no one will swallow it, yet it is
compounded of one thing that, accord
ing to the sages, makes men fat.”
"And what is that, madame?" asked
the vice chancellor.
"Laughter,"’ she replied.
Almost as slje uttered the word the
door by which the king had entered
opened and a servant announced;
“Madame la Comtesse d'Egmont."
The daughter of Richelieu belonged
to the skirts of the De Choiseul party,
that is to say, she hated Madame dti
Barry as bitterly as any one of them,
yet was anxious to please the king
on her father's account Hence her
presence today.
She had scarcely made her compli
ments to the king and ttie comtesse
than the servant's voice announced:
"Monsieur i'Abbe Fremont"
And before the cleric had fully paid
his homage, entered the Comtesse de
Coigny, charming, youthful and full of
grace, followed by the Due d’Aiguillon,
the Ccmte de Coigyn and Chon du
Barrv, exquisite in a robe au bord de
riviere green clasped by a great
brooch of emeralds at the waist.
They had all been herded chatter
ing in the anteroom till the last mo
ment possible, and now' as they s{ood
talking, the king, the Due d'Aiguillon,
the Comtesse d’Egmont and the Com
tesse de Coigny forming one group;
the Abbe Fremont, the Comtesse du
Barry and the Comte de Coigny form
ing another, while Chon contented
herself with teasing Combefere. As
they were talking thus the door sud
denly opened and like a thunderclap to
D.e Maupeou, the servant announced:
“Monsieur le Comte de Sartines.”
This arrival of Monsieur de Sartines
deserves a word: When he had left
the Due de Richelieu’s hous.e, having
given his grace the order of secret ad
iv*itttance to the Bastile, he returned
to the Hotel de Sartin.es very much
perturbed in his mind. He was used to
enemies, he was used to traps, he was
used even to attempts on his life; but
in all his experience he had never
found himself in a position half bo
grave as the present. He could im
prison the wttman who held him in her
grip, but were he to do so her infernal
ingenuity would hit him no less surely;
De Maupeou would receive the weapon
from the hands of the unknown who
held it, and as surely as death is the
portion of man De Maupeou would use
it.
He sat for a while deep in thought.
He could see no possible outlet from
the trap that surrounded him. Sud
denly he struck himself on the fore
head. The king! That was his only
chance. He w'ould lay the whole mat
ter before the king and attack De
Maupeou before De Maupeou could at
tack him.
nt* niifw Lii“ nine «cu,
shuffler and evader and double-dealer.
He knew that If De Meaupeou wer.e to
lay a formal charge, backed by that
atrocious paper, the king would hush
the matter up for his own sake, and
that the hush money he would pay De
Maupeou would be his—De Sartin.es’—
disgrace and exile. It was imperative
to frighten the king, to poison his mind
against De Maupeou—nay, even to lie
to the king, accuse De Maupeou and
Madame Lind.en of having stolen the
paper from De Richelieu. Nay, even
better than that, of having concocted
the thing and forged his—De Sartines’
—signature to it. The king would
know this to be a lie; that did not
matter in th.e least. Before the dan
ger of having his own name implicated
the lying king would back his lying
lieutenant general of police.
The king would sacrifice De Mau
peou just as readily as De Sartines. It
all depended on which of the two got
his ear first and frightened him
against the other.
He glanced at the clock. It was now
3:30. Driving swiftly he could reach
Versailles at 5; that would be the
king’s dinner hour and a bad time for
an interview; still, the case was des
perate and he could not delay, as it
was imperative for him to return ta
Paris and reach Madame Linden’s
house at 8. He rang for his horses
and in 10 minutes was on th.e road.
When he arrived at Versailles he
was received with the news that the
king was dining with Madame du
Barry. Du Barry! In an instant he
remembered—what he had up to this
forgotten—that he had promised to
call that day on th.e comtesse with re
gard to the ballad mongers. He had
promised to call at noon, and he had
failed to keep his appoint merit. Madame
Linden had driven it out of his mind.
Again in this duel with the Austrian
woman she had scored; just by the
power of obsessing his thoughts sh,e
had caused him to make this slip. He
stood for a moment balked and furious,
thought outwardly quite calm. Then,
passing u^ the great staircase, he
for the apartments of the favorite.
The antechamber, crowded all the
morning, was now empty of every
thing but the Chinese Jars and man
darins, the hundred and one nicknacks
that made the place a curiosity shop,
the palms in pots, the cage of mar
mosets and a huge lackey on duty.
“Has dinner been served?” asked De
Sartines of the latter.
“Not yet, monsieur.”
“Announce me.”
The servant cast •f'e door wide open
and De Sartines found himself front
ing the assembled guests.
He saw the king, he saw Madame du
Barry, the Comtesse de Coigny, the
Comtesse d’Egmont; the Due d’Aiguil
lon. the Abbe Fremont.
All these he saw as one sees the
lesser characters in a play, indifferent
figures besides the figure of De Mau
peou in the circle surrounding the
king.
De Maupeou was first.
De Sartines stood for half a moment
as though he had seen death.
CHAPTER III.
A PIE AND A SUPRISE
Only for half a moment.
In the next he was bowing to his
majesty, and the comtesse, who had
turned and was contemplating him
with an expression curiously difficult to
analyze. Was it derision, was it mirth,
was she angry with him, or had she
forgotten the broken appointment? The
reader of faces, the most astute physi
ogomist for whom the human face, as
a rule, was but a veil of gauze could
read nothing for certain In that beauti
ful face, so capricious, so strangely un
marked by destiny.
“Why, here Is order," cried the com
tesse, "come upon the heels of law ami
the church! My party is complete.
Monsieur de Sartines, you must dine
with us today.”
“Madame, 1 shall be charmed. Would
that 1 could have arrived earlier but—"
'X know," she cut in. “you had your
literary affairs to attend to. No mat
ter, dear poet, no matter how late, you
are always welcome.”
Dear poet! So she had not forgotten;
not only that, but the words and the
manner in which they were spoken told
him that she knew of Ills indifference
to the doings of the ballard writers,
anil he saw in a flash that De Maupeou
had been before hint not only with the
king but with the favorite.
"Madame,” said he, taking advantage
of the fact that the others had drawn
slightly away, “of those scribblers
about whom you were speaking to me:
1 hope that the chief of them—the
only one who has not escaped from
France—I suy I hope that the chief of
them \ ill be safely in prison by to
night.”
“Oh. Monsieur,” replied she. “I hope
that will not happen. I do not wish
on account of inv petty affairs that
France should lose so excellent a min
ister of police as Monsieur de Sartines.”
She turned away, leaving this dag
ger quivering in his heart, and even as
she turned dinner was announced and
the guests passed into the dining room,
the unfortunate De Sartines bringing
up the rear, stricken, speechless, yet
showing nothing of his discomilture in
his face.
The dining room which they entered
was very different from that which had
once been the dining room of the Prin
cess Adelaide. The walls only were
the same: upholstered ip crimson, with
over-doors by Drouals, a Cupid-haunt
ed enliing from the brush of Boucher,
and panel pictures daring in both color
and theme by Vien, the place looked
exactly what it was; the home of color
that paints the human face, impudence
that scents itself with patchouli.
There were nine covers laid and,
counting De Sartines, ten guests.
When all were seated, De Sartines
was left standing.
“Oh. ma foil” cried the comtesse, as
the servants hurried to lay a fresh
cover, "I had forgotten Monsieur de
Sartines. Bubin, place Monsieur do
Sartines- chair by the chair of Monsieur
l’Abbe, on the left so that the light will
not try his eyes. I know you have a
horror of a strong light, dear Monsieur
de Sartines.”
Monsieur de Sartines bowed as ho
slipped into his seat; he had a poison
ous retort on his lips but he dared not
utter ft.
"Monsieur de Sartines,” said the
king, who had commenced his soup,
"what is this 1 hear the comtesse say
ing about your eyes?”
“Only that I am half blinded, sire.”
‘"Since when?”
“Always, your majesty, when I Anil
myself in the presence of superlative
beauty.”
He bowed to the comtesse, who re
turned the bow mockingly and turned
her attention to the Duq d’Algulllon;
she was evidently still unappeased and
beyond the reach of blandishment.
“Monsier de Sartines," said the king,
finishing his soup and raising a glass
of topaz-colored wine to his lips, “it
seems to me there are only two men in
my kingdom who have portfolios and
yet have the old wit that bites In epi
grams and charms in compliment.”
“And those two men, sire?”
"They are Monsieur le Due de Choi
seul and Monsieur le Comte de Sar
tines.”
"O, sire!” cried the minister of po
lice, picking up his spirits, "what you
say is false.”
"False!”
“There is a third man who is, yet,
not a man, beside whom Monsieur de
Choiseul and Monsieur de Sartines are
blunderers at that game.”
“And who is this man who is not a
man, pray?”
“A king, sire.”
“Ma foi!” cried his majesty, laugh
ing, “it seems to me Monsieur de Sar
tines, you pay that king a doubtful
compliment."
“O, sire,” laughed De Sartines
amazed at himself and hating himself
for having made this faux pas, the
only one in all his life, “since when
is a king a man, since he belongs to
the company of those above us?"
De Maupeou, who had been sitting
mumchance up to this, east his eyes
up to the ceiling and laughed. De Sar
tines, the king, and all within the
range of the conversation looked up,
only to see the fat cupids of Boucher
leering at them from the celling.
“Urn,” said the king. He turned to
the Abbe Fremont with some inquiry
as to tlie state of affairs in Picardy,
from which province the ecclesiastic
hailed, while the Comtesse d'Egmont,
unable to contain herself, laughed
frankly at the face of De Sartines, who,
paralyzed by his ill luck, would have
given his portfolio for the fall of the
ceiling, cupids and all, on the head of
Dc Maupeou.
It was decidedly one of his unlucky
days; a moment ago the king had been
charming, and now he was out of tem
per.
The minister of police applied himself
to the trout a la Mayenne which was
before him.
(Continued next week.)
Roosevelt Carried Primaries Once.
The Chicago Inter-Ocean, organ of
all that is reactionary and vicious in
public life for a quarter of a century,
may have changed its spots lately, but
it is under suspicion instantly that it
begins to coo to Colonel Roosevelt as it
does in this paragraph:
Most states now have direct primary
nomination law-s. Under these laws a can
didate can take any party name that
1 pleases him. They also afford voters
facilities for changing their party labels.
I What prevents Colonel Roosevelt from
I calling himself a "republican” candidate?
What prevents the 4.000,000 voters, mostly
I republicans, who marked their ballots for
him In 1912 from doing so at the primaries
! In 1910? Thus he could get the nomina
tion without any repudiation of principles.
It moves the Chicago Evening Post
' to say:
; The main point of this wonderful politi
cal dream of our safe and sane neighbor
1 Is that Colonel Roosevelt by entering the
I republican primaries is to capture the re
publican nomination In 1916.
Has the Inter Ocean conveniently for
gotten 1912? Before the republican con
| ventlon of June a year ago Colonel Roose
' velt entered the republican primaries, de
feated Taft overwhelmingly wherever
there was a popular vote in all the great
republican states, and yet the national
i committee gave the nomination to Mr.
I Taft.
j The present national committee has not
only perpetuated but increased the powers
it held n 1912 to steal a presidential nom
ination. Omitting, as the Inter Ocean so
cheerfully does, all account of the morals
of its little scheme, is it natural to expect
that the men who stole the nomination
from Roosevelt in 1912 would be more
squeami«h about repeating the trick in
1916?
As to our esteemed contemporary’s pre
sentation of the boom of Charles E.
Hughes, we seem to recall that the Jus
tice resolutely refused to throw his hat
l.ito the ring last year. Are the repub
lican prospects to be more tempting to
the Judicial bonnnt In 1916?
There were 1,011 fatalities on Brit
ish railroads last year, 59 less than
I the year before.
BISHOP’S POINT WELL MADE
Rebuke to Which It Is Hard to See
How the Curate Could Make
an Answer.
Bishop Ollphant of I.landaff had a
well-to-do young man as curate who
had rather sporting instincts. He
kept his own horses and always drove
tandem. The bishop disapproved, and
decided to administer a rebuke on a
favorable opportunity. Both the bishop
and the curate, each driving in his
own way, met near the historic Cow
and Snuffers. The bishop, of course,
was driving two abreast, and the cur
ate tandem, as usual.
"I really must protest,” said the
bishop, "at your driving about in such
a manner.”
''Well, my lord,” said the curate,
"you are driving two horses, and so
am I. What is the difference?”
After a few moments' reflection
Bishop Ollphant replied:
“If, when you are at prayers at the
cathedral, the congregation placed
their hands In the same position as
you have placed your horses what
would become of the dignity and
solemnity of the service?"—I^ondon
Mall.
PIMPLES ON FACE AND ARMS
411 Howard St., Dayton, Ohio.—
"About a year ago my face, neck, arms
and back were beginning to become
afflicted with pimples and blackheads.
My pimples would get very large and
appear to come to a head. If I tried
to open them the pain would be terri
ble, but nothing could be taken from
them. They Itched very badly; I suf
fered terribly from Itching. After
scratching, the pimples would swell
and after the swelling was gone my
face would become very red and re
main so for some time. My clothing
caused the itching to be worse. When
It was warm it was utterly impossible
to sleep.
“I used a cream and the more I
used the worse they got. Shortly after,
I read the advertisement of Cuticura
Soap and Ointment and determined to
use them. The Itching stopped almost
Immediately. This was about three
months ago and I am entirely cured
now.” (Signed) Miss Marguerite E.
Jacobs, Jan. 13, 1913.
Cuticura Soap and Ointment sold
throughout the world. Sample of each
free,with 32-p. Skin Book. Address post
card "Cuticura, Dept. L, Boston."—Adv.
Had a Chance Now.
While he was playing on a certain
Scottish course, a politician remark
ed to his caddie: “By the way, the
last time I was here I played with
Tom McGregor. He’s grand player!”
“Aye," said the caddie, "but ye could
beat McGregor noo.” The politician,
knowing what a fine player McGregor
had shown himself, was immensely
pleased at what ho deemed the cad
die's compliment to his own improved
play. "Do you think so?” he exclaim
ed. “Aye,” came the slow reply, "Mc
Gregor’s deid!”
Speak Louder.
An old farmer in Ayrshire had a
habit of feigning deafness when he
wanted to avoid answering an awk
ward question. One day a neighbor
said to him:
“I’d like to borrow your cart this
morning; mine is having a spring
mended.”
"You’ll have 6c speak louder,” the
old farmer answered. "I don’t hear
very well-—and I don't like to lend my
cart, anyhow.”—Glasgow Spy.
Pithy Postscript.
A striking illustration of the say
ing that the pith of a lady’s letter Is
in the postscript occurred in the case
of a young lady who, having gone
out to India, and writing home to her
friends, concluded with the following
words: “P. S.—You will see by my
signature that I am married.”
Had His Goat, Evidently.
A Springfield man. replying to hla
wife's petition for divorce, says: "De
fendant states that the plaintiff Is
much better qualified than the defend
ant to carry her part in nagging con
tests; that she commands a better
and more extensive vocabulary thpn
the defendant, and simply overwhelm
ed him with her complaints and re
proaches, and she was so master of
her feelings that she could readily
pass from storm to sunshine, from
abuse to tears, from harsh language
to tenderness, and from nagging plain
tiff could upon the appearance of a
third person so readily become all
smiles and suavity that her sudden
and complete changes of moods com
pletely bewildered defendant"—Kan
sas City Star.
Important to Mothers
Examine carefully every bottls of
CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that It
Signature of
In Use For Over 30 Years.
Children Cry for Fletcher's Caetoria
After a Pleasant Evening.
Mr. Sydney Buxton told an amus
ing story for the purpose of illustrat
ing a point at a recent dinner. A
certain convivial soul, who had been
Invited to dine with a friend, whose
house was at the end of a dark and
muddy lane, was advised to bring a
big lantern. After a very Jovial eve
ning the convivial one left and strug
gled home through the mud, firmly
gripping his heavy burden by the
handle. Next morning he received
this message from his host: "Here
with your lantern; please return par
rot and cage."
marncu oimnamj,
-Tf 1* persons were to agree to dine
together every day, but never sit 1m
exactly the same order around the ta>
ble," didactically stated the professor,
"it would take them 13,000,000 year*,
at the rate of one dinner a day,
and they would have eaten more than
474,000,000 dinners, before they could
get through all the possible ar
ragements In which they could plac*
themselves,
"Yep," Bnarled Uncle Pepys. “That
would be nearly as many ways as r
a small boy rearranges himself durim
a long sermon.”—Judge.
Foley Kidney Pills Succeed
because they are a good honest med
icine that canno* help but heal kid
ney and bladder ailments and urinary
irregularities, if they are once taken
into the system. Try them now
for positive and permanent help.
Constipation
Vanishes Forever
Prompt Relief—Permanent Cm
CARTER’S LITTLE
LIVER PILLS never .
fail. Purely vegeta
ble — act surely
but gently on
the liver.
Stop after
dinner dis
tress-cure (
indigestion,
improve the complexion, brighten the eye*
SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PR1C*
Genuine must bear Signature
THE NEW FRENCH REMEDY. N.l. N.2. NJl
THERAPION Hospital* with
great succes*, cukes chronic weakness, lost viqoe
& VIM. KIDNEY, BLADDER. DISEASES. BLOOD POISOH,
PILFS. EITHER No. DRUGGISTS or MAIL SI. POST 4 CT1
POUUKRACO, 90. BEKKMAN ST. N EW YORK or LYMAN BROE
TORONTO. WRITE FOR FREE BOOK TO DR. LE CLERQ
Mkd.Co.HaverstockRd. Hampstead, London. Eno.
TRY NEW DRAGEE tTASTELESS) FORMOF EASY TO TAEf
THERAPION
SEE THAT TRADE MARKED WORD ‘THERAPION IS O*
IHIX- GOVT,STAMP AFFIXED TO ALL GENUINE PACKET®
SIOUX CITY PTG. CO., NO. 39-1913
raiT REPEATIN^SHOTCUNSr|j
Winchester Repeating Shotguns are jil
iMHMi not only safe to shoot, but sure to |||
WlllPlISfl shoot* They are easy to load or un- |||
load,easy to take down or put together,
9b§ and strong and reliable in every
tPBh way* That’s why the U. S. Ordnance |||
Board endorsed them as being safe, Id
fnlililnffliwl) fnl sure, strong and simple. Over 450,000 [’
VP aim satisfied sportsmen are using them. ||l
I —M) Stick to a Winchester and You Won’t Get Stuck H
Winchester Gant and Winchester Ammunition—the Red \AM II
*®I^*^*^*“"'**'I . Brani~'ir,Ucui*,orEach0th,ra’“iSol‘lEv,rywhere ■■ ^
W. L. DOUGLAS ”
*3^00 *3-50 *4..oo
*4..so AND $R oo
SHOES
FOR MEN AND WOMEN
BEST BOYS 8H0E8 In the WOULD
82.00. 82.60 and 83.00
The largest maker! of
Men’s $3.50 and $4.00
shoes in the world,
ik your dealer to ihow you
. . 1.. 1 onglaa 98.50, 94.00 an
194.50 shoes. Just as good In style,
fit and wear hr other makes costing 95.00 to 97 00
—the only difference Is the price. Shoes In all
leathers, styles and shapes to suit everybody.
If you could visit W. L Douglas large facto
ries at Brockton, Mass., and see for yourself _
how carefully IV. L. Douglas shoes are made,
would then understand why they are warranted
to fit better, look better, hold their shape and wear
longer than any other make for the price.
W. !,. Douglas shoes are not for saJ* In your vicinity, order
direct from the factory and save the mUtdlcman’s profit. RiTWWt
Shoes for every member of the fatnilv, at all prices, by ^rairPTOV
Parcel Poet, postage free. Write for I IlnetruteU
___ Catalog. It will show you how to order by mail, i 'w , fr.,.ITr:
TAKE NO gn<l why you oan save money on your footwear. 'name ts stamped
8UB8TITUTE W. 1.. DOPOLA8 - ■ Brockton, Mo»a on the bottom.
n»iwasasaBaBUSBsssiaBaesaaaaem«waaeeaw«*»*-«-i
