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A DOUBLE !
CONFESSION]
j The Singular Case of a Pair |
J of lovers $
h — *
J By JOHN R. OOELVIE £
One of tbe questions as to wbat Is
and wbat is not allowable In tbe legal
profession that laymen are not apt to
understand is whether it is honorable
for a lawyer to defend a client who
has confessed himself guilty of the
Ji-rime with which he Is charged. One
of the reasons why this Is not only al
lowable for an attorney, but is his
j duty, is tbat the confession may be
; false. Many persons have labored un
iler a hallucination that they have
committed a crime of which they are
entirely innocent.
1 bad u very singular case of this
kind when I was practicing, before 1
went on the bench. A young man
: was accused of forging bis ancle's will.
He was heir-at-law to the property In
volved by reason of relationship to the
testator. But several years before the
will was drawn one was executed leav
ing the property to a woman who was
his housekeeper. It was this house
keeper, Anna Blake, who accused the
benelldary under the second will with
having forged his uncle's name to it
Arnold Jefferson, my client, when 1
came to confer with him about his
case, asked me whether 1 would de
fend u person who confessed himself
guilty. I said that I would, where
upon lie told me that In order to pre
vent liis uncle's property from going
out of ilie family and secure It for
himself lie had forged his uncle’s name
to the second will.
I was somewhat staggered at this, for
if I proved him Innocent I would divert
the property from the channel In which
the testator intended It to go and de
prive the real owner of it that It might
go to a criminal. I piled the young man
with questions as to how he had come
to perpetrate such a crime, and he told
me that he was In love with a girl
\ whom lie would like to marry and did
not consider himself able to do so with
out this property. Besides, he believed
that his uncle was intending to leave
it to him at the time of his death.
If I declined to take the case and he
could get no other lawyer to do so the
judge would assign him counsel. There
fore I proceeded with It. though reluc
tantly. for it is not pleasant for a con
scientious lawyer to defend a man who
has admitted his guilt 1 would content
myself with trying to get my client off
with as light a sentence as possible.
There was a chance for the young
man in this—experts In chirography
would be called who would compare
the signature to tbe will with Jeffer
son's handwriting. These experts are
apt to dilTer In such matters. The
plaintiff called the most prominent one
of the lot. who declared that my client
must have written the signature to the
will. 1 employed another expert, who
testified that he could not have written
It. Bui unfortunately of the five ex
perts called four testified that there
were certain strokes In the signature
that were to he found In Jefferson’s
writing.
There were two signatures or wit
nesses to the will Jefferson was charg
ed with forging. One of these persons.,
Edward Bronson, was dead; the other.
Silas Ormshy. was not to be found
They were supposed to be myths, and
the plaintiff’s attorneys, though they
had no proof that the defendant had
written their names, threw out a broad
bint that he had done so.
The case looked so desperate that I
advised my client to produce his con
fession and throw himself on the mercy
of the court. By tills means he might
secure u light sentence, whereas if he
persisted in denying his guilt in the
face of such conclusive evidence he
would very likely get a heavy one.
He said that he would think the mat
ter over This was after court ad
journed on Saturday, and I feared 1
could not keep the trial in progress
more than a day or two longer. And
ns the case stood Jefferson was sure to
be convicted Sunday evening I re
ceived a call from a young lady. Miss
Dorn Wentworth, wbo turned all my
expectations awry. She told me that it
was she. and not Arnold Jefferson, who
had committed thp forgery.
1 felt it Incumbent upon me to sub
ject her to a searching examination
to got at the truth. She said that she
was the person whom Jefferson was
engaged to marry. He had been all
a lover should be until about the time
his uncle had died and no will was
found leaving the property to him.
Then she told him that a will would
lie found If she had to write one her
self. This, she added, she had done.
I asked Miss Wentworth If she
would sign a written confession to
this effect, and she said she would. So
I asked her to write it Before she
could again see Jefferson I went to the
Jail and. showing him her confession,
asked him why lie t)ad made a false
one himself. He seemed a good deal
agitated at seeing the matter laid
down in black and white. Then he
burst out passionately:
“I didn’t believe when she threaten
ed to do this thing that she would be
Be desperate. Nevertheless when the
second will was found I feared she
had written and signed it Preferring
to suffer myself rather than that she
should suffer for her crime. I have
stood in the breach. And I propose
before the court and the world to
\ continue to stand b> the breach. 1
still claim what 1 hate claimed—that
I concocted the will, signed my uncle's
name to it and put In the uames of
ivitnesses who had no existence.”
Here was a mixed up affair, and no
mistake. A pair of lovers were each
claiming to be guilty, and solely
guilty, of a crime. Which was the in
nocent. which the guilty one? 1 had
nothing by which to decide. 1 thought
of the experts. Should I submit this
new feature of rhe case to them?
What would it avail? A preponder
ance of their evidence had proved Jef
ferson guilty, ’l'bey could not be ex
pected to go back on their former evi
dence by declaring that Miss Went
worth committed the forgery. I
could get oth«’ experts who had not
yet been brought into the case, but If
they declared that Miss Wentworth
had done the writing It would only
prove expert testimony to be worth
less.
Here i paused in my cogitations, for
I was struck with an idea. I might
produce Miss Wentworth’s confession
in court. It would probably be regard
ed a ruse to save her lover. But sup
pose I could get experts to testify that
her handwriting had In It the charac
teristics of the forged signature. 1
could at least save my client The
same evening I acted on this thought
and, though I had difficulty In finding
even one expert who had not been
called in the case, he had as good re
pute for skill In his profession as any
of the others. To my surprise, he told
me there was no doubt that Miss
Wentworth was the guilty party.
That settled my course for the fu
ture. The next day when the court
opened 1 produced the second confes
sion and the affldav.it of the expert in
chirography that in his opinion the
confessors had forged the signature to
the will in question.
There was a great deal of confusion
in what followed in court. The legal
aspect of the case had entirely chang
ed. Two different persons had con
fessed to have written a signature that
could only have been written by one.
After consultation with their client the
plaintiff’s lawyers took the ground that
the second will was invalid because
there was a confession on the part of
the beneficiary under it that he bad
forged it Therefore, the property go
Ing to Anna Blake under the former
will, she had no Interest in further
criminal prosecution. They asked for
an adjournment of the court and pro
posed to me that if my client would
sign away all claim to his uncle’s prop
erty they would drop the prosecution
against him and so far as they were
concerned would not prosecute Miss
Wentworth.
I declined the proposition on the
ground that it was Impossible to prove
either of the lovers guilty. But they,
feeling confident that the chancery
court would give their client the prop
erty under the earlier will, dropped the
matter, and Jefferson went forth a free
man.
iyiy unu smuuuu ui tut; piuuicui iu
volved In the two confessions was
that Jefferson, being disappointed In
Inheriting the property, signified that
the marriage could not take place.
This threw In the way of Miss Went
worth a temptation that she could not
resist. She concocted a later will, but
her lover In order to save her from the
consequences of her crime when crlmi
ual proceedings were commenced con
fessed himself guilty. Nevertheless 1
was not certain as to this or anything
concerning the parties or the affair In
which they were concerned. That ei
ther one or the other or both were
guilty 1 did not doubt, but this opinion
was rather based on the evidence than
on the bearing or appearance of either
of them. 1 could not throw off an Im
pression that Jefferson was a fine fel
low and Miss Wentworth was a lovely
girl. And had not each attempted to
relieve the other of the burden by a
confession?
The matter of the inheritance was
still In the chancery court when one
day 1 received a letter from a man In
Australia. I had that day received an
Invitation to the wedding of Arnold
Jefferson and Dora Wentworth. 1 put
the letter In m.v pocket and said noth
ing about It till I attended the wed
ding, which took place In a little
church with no attendants except my
self. Indeed, It had not been expected
that even I would accept When the
clergyman who performed the cere
mony came to the words "With all my
worldly goods I thee endow” and the
groom had repeated them 1 called a
halt and produced the letter I had re
ceived from Australia. It read as fol
lows:
Have seen In an American newspaper
reference to the case against Arnold Jef
ferson. I was an Intimate friend of the
late William Jefferson and was one of the
witnesses to a will he made a few weeks
before his death, i return to America
soon On business and will call upon you
uot long after you receive this.
SILAS ORMSBY.
Never shall I forget the look that
passed between the bride and groom.
Each had believed the other guilty of
the forgery, but each had forgiven the
other on account of the sacrifice In
volved In the act A few rapidly spo
ken words passed between them, there
was a quick embrace, and the cere
mony proceeded. Rut they were both
too much affected to make the re
sponses Intelligently.
The seme day I stopped all pro
ceedings In the chancery court as to
the Jefferson will pending the arrival
of the Australian. In due time the
confessed forger Inherited the prop
erty, enjoying It with bis confessed
forger wife.
If before handling this case 1 trad
qualms of conscience In defending a
criminal who I had every reason to be
lieve to be guilty I certainly never hud
afterward. Our system .of Jurispru
dence Is based on hundreds of years’
experience and should be followed un
flinchingly.
THE EYE OF GENIUS. ~~
And the Strain of the Nervous System
Due to Defective Vision.
Much was made in the newspaper*
some years ago of the part bad eye*
have played in the lives of great musi
cians and writers. What was called
“the eye of genius” was illustrated in
many portraits, notably the Lenbach
paintings of Richard Wagner. .In which
one eye droops and is surrounded by
concentric wrinkles of pain. The great
composer’s sick headache and insom
nia, his shattered nerves and fits of
violent temper, were attributed to eye
strain. The diagnosis has since been
accepted by his biographer, Kills, him
self a physician. Similar if less con
clusive cases have been made out to
explain the lifelong suffering of George
Kliot, Browning, the Carlyles, Darwin.
Huxley, Herbert Spencer, Balzac.
Taine. Nietzsche. Tschaikowsky and
others.
The straining of the nervous system
due to defective vision Is to be found
among all bo use their eyes In work
near at band. “The eye of genius” is
as common among typesetters and
proofreaders, reporters and typewrit
ers, bookkeepers, lathe workers and
seamstresses as among the master
spirits of music and letters. It Is, In
fact, more common, for whereas the
fortunate few are able to choose their
time and place of labor, to find rest
and recuperation when they need it.
the many are held fast to long hours
and endless days, with the result that
they become hopeless, nervous wrecks
and go blind or mad. — Metropolitan
Magazine.
THE ART OF FELTING.
It Wat Developed Long Before the
Weaver Wat Firat Known.
Felt Is a fabric formed ’Vithout
weaving by taking advantage of the
tendency of hair and wool to interlace
and cling to each other. Antiquarians
state that the art of felting was devel
oped long before the weaver was first
known. Felting antedates the Chris
tian era by many centuries.
Authorities state that the felting
quality of hair or wool results from
the natural structure of the material.
The hair of most animals is noticed
to be more or less notched or jagged
on Its surface. This is the more ap
parent when an examination of the
material is made by the aid of a
microscope. In some animals there
appears to be a set of barbs on the
hair, and these barbs are so placed that
the tip of each points to the end of the
hair.
It follows that when a number of
hairs are pressed together those which
lie in the opposite direction to. each
other will Interlock with the barbs of
the hair surface and resist an effort to
tear them asunder. When the hair has
a natural tendency to curl the interlac
ing process which is called felting is
more easily accomplished.
Although the felting property Is pos
sessed by wool in a special degree,
other animals have It In their covering.
This is true of the goat, ox, hare, rab
bit and beaver.—New York Sun.
Early Manuscripts.
The type of letters in early manuscript
was the same as that of those used on
the earlier metal plates and wax tab
lets. All letters were capitals. Minus
cule, or small lettering, as opposed to
the majuscule, was invented in the
seventh century. Before its invention
there was no spacing between the
words. There was no punctuation un
less possibly some mark between sen
tences. When cursive writing came
into general use, about the beginning
of the tenth century, the art was prac
ticed by only a few highly trained
scribes. This continued all through
the middle ages. The scribes were art
ists. and they carried their art to a
high degree of perfection. Many of
the manuscripts of that period are very
beautiful specimens of handiwork and
as perfect as print
The First Leeton of an Arab Boy.
The very first lesson which an Arab
baby learns when he begins to talk Is
to keep facts to himself. It does not
sound very friendly put In that way.
but It saves a deal of trouble. For
eigners do not understand Arabs.
They ask them pointed questions and
receive peculiar answers. T' -\v con
strue the answers to please themselves
and come away to tell the world that
the Arabs are a nation of liars. They
are not a nation of liars. Perhaps if
they should tell the foreigners to
mind their own affairs and let them
and theirs alone the foreigners would
understand them better.—Exchange.
Strength. •
“Some scientist has declared that
there Is as much strength In three
eggs as there is In a pound of beef
steak.” said the observer.
"Well.” replied the actor, “I met<an
egg once that would have eliminated
the other two eggs from that proposi
tion.”—Exchange.
On Principle.
Bert (nervously)—I heard pa tell ma
he was goin’ to flog me on principle aft
er prayers tonight What’s principle,
Billy? Billy—I think it’s somewhere at
the back. Bert. The last time he
flogged me on principle I had to sit
sideways for more’n a fortnight—Lon
don Tit-Bits.
One Way to Look at It
“A man always gets on easier by
taking his wife's advice.”
“Yes.” answered Mr. Meekton.
"When things turn out badly there
Isn't so much said.”
A busybody is always malevolent—
Latin.
PAID ADVERTISMENTS.
TheFrontler prints the News. '
FARM LOANS. SeeR. H. Parker
Fresh Bread at the O’Neill Bakery.
Subscribe for The Frontier, onlv
1.60 per year.
Wanted—A girl at McMllfln & Mar
key’s bakery. 23-tf.
Try our pickels, they are tine —san
itary Meat Market. 16-tf
Special knee pant suits at $1.69
at Wysocki’s closing out sale.
Now is a good time to subscribe for
The Frontier, 11.60 per year.
Rugs, mattings and Inlaid linoleum,
at—Fisher Furniture & Hardware Oo.
Dr. Corbett will be in his O’Neill
office as usual beginning September
30. 12-tf.
P. J. Biglin can supply you with
any kind of soft coal you want. Prices
right. 14-tf.
Jost received a barrel of sweet
and dill pickels.—Sanitary Meat
Market. 16-tf
Buy your underwear now at
Wysocki’s closing out sale, and save
money.
For Sale—Barred Plymouth Rock
Cockerels—Mre. A. L. Souser, route 1,
O’Neill. 22-tf
tor bale—New house, barn and fuel
house and four lots, east part of town.
•^David Riser. 23-2pd
Fine Candles and Hot Chocolate.—
McMillan & Markley’s Bakery and
Candy Kitchen. 22-tf.
Try Frank and Vince Suchy’s tailor
shop for French Dry Cleaning. Their
work can’t be beat. 1-tf.
Special overcoat sale next week
at Wysocki’s closing out sale. Boys
overcoats at $2.00.
For Sale—Houso and two lots, with
barn, coal house and a cement cave.—
Address box 564, O’Neill. 22-7-pd
For Sale—House and lot one block
east of the school house. Terms
reasonable.—D. W. Cameron. 9-tf
Wanted—At Hotel £vans girl for
dining room and chamber work. Also
a dish washer. Good Wages. 19-tf
I have in a car of that best flour
made and will sell it dead cheap while
It lasts. I need the money.—Con Keys
Wanted—To borrow *2,000 on real
estate, for from two to five years.
For particulars enquire at this office
Don't overlook the bargains at
Wysock's closing out sale. Every
article in the store at reduced
prices.
Big reduction on paint for {the next
thirty days; we sell the best brand of
paint sold.—Fisher Furnituit & Hard
ware Co. 20-tf
A good and comfortable four
room house with hall and good
celler for rent. Enquire of J. J.
MoCafferty. 23-1-pd
At the lowest interest rates, I have
plenty of Eastern money to loan on
Farms and Ranches—R. H. Parker,
O’Neill, Nebr. 46-tf.
Special next week! 1000 pairs of
children's shoes, all sizes. Worth
up to $2.50. Wysocki's closing out
sale price 59c.
See Miss Cora Potter for nursing or
housework by the day. Can be found
at her residence, one door north of
Parnell Golden’s. 23 2pd
We sell tbe Buck heating stoves,
and we guarantee them to burn hard
and soft coal or wood and give satis
faction.—Fisher Furniture & Hard
ware Go. 20-tf
Lost—On Snnday morning, Nov. 17,
between the Catholic church and the
west side of town, pair of double lense
glasses. Finder please leave at thiB
office and oblige.
We do French Dry Cleaning m our
shop of all ladles and gentlemen’s
garments. Nothing but first class
work turned out. At Frank and Vince
Suchy’s tailor shop. 1-tf
Don’t waste your money buying
strengthening plasters. Chamber
lain’s Liniment is cheaper and better.
Dampen a piece of flannel with it and
bind it over the affeoted parts and it
will relieve the pain and soreness.
For sale by all dealers.
Strayed, from my place, 7 miles
northeast of Chambers, brown pony
with white face, small bunuh on
knee, weight about 800 pounds.
Reward for Information leading to Its
recovery or return to—1£. J. Mullally,
Chambers, Nebraska. 17-tf.
“It is a pleasure to tell you that
Chamberlain’8 Cough Remedy is tbe
best cough medicine I have ever used,’’
writes Mrs. Hugh Campbell of La
vonla, Ga. “I have used it with alj
my children and the results have been
highly satisfactory. For sale by all
dealers.
Stolen—From my buggy on the
streets of O’Neill Monday evening, a
gray cloth overcoat and a black horse
hide robe lined with green plush. A
liberal reward will be given any person
giving any information leading to the
discovery of these goods.—Joe Me
Nichols. 23-2
George McCloud, who has been
running a blacksmith Bbop in Page
for tbe put three yean has opened
up the old Church shop, north of
Fishers Furniture store, and is now
prepared to do all kinds df blacksmith
ing. Good work guaranteed. Give
trial. He can please you, in price and
work. 22-3
Is youi husband cross? An irrita
ble, fault finding disposition is often
due to a disorderd stomach. A man
with a good digestion is nearly always
good natured. A great many have
been permanently cured of stomach
trouble by using Chamberlain’s
Tablets. For sale by all dealers.
The boy’s appetite is often the
source of amazement. If you would
have such an appetite take Chamber
lains Tablets. They not only create a
healthy appetite, but strengthen the
stomach and enable it to do its work
naturally. For sale by all dealers.
“There could be no better medicine
than Chamberlain’s Cough Remedy.
My children were all siok with whoop
ing cough. One of them was in bed,
had a high fever and was coughing up
blood. Our doctor gave them Cham
berlain’s Cough Remedy and the first
dose eased t hem, and three bottles
cured them,’’ says Mrs. R. A. Donald
son, of Lexlngson, Miss. For sale by
all dealers.
Tristan d’Aounha la a Tiny Oasia In a
Wildarnaaa of Watar.
When Napoleon was sent to St Hel
ena It was thought that the loneliest
place on earth had been assigned to
him as a prison. But St Helena is
1,400 miles nearer a continent than is
Tristan d’Acunha. Many hundred of
of miles of ocean lie between this is
land and its nearest neighbor. Tristan,
In short Is a tiny oasis in a boundless
wilderness of waters, go from it in
which direction you will.
It is a rocky and cliff girt little isle,
with a solitary mountain 1,000 feet
high rearing Itself from the midst
Yet on this lonely speck of rock and
earth there lives a community seem
ingly happy in their isolation from all
the rest of the world. They are farm
ers, cattle raisers and shepherds. In
the valleys of the island are fertile
fields, where potatoes mainly ure
grown. The food of the people consists
for the most part of beef, mutton,
fowls, potatoes and fish.
Tristan used formerly to produce
many fruits and vegetables which can
no longer be grown there. The reason
of this is that the island for a long
time was overrun by rats which es
caped from a ship that anchored there
and which the people have been un
able, It is said, ever entirely to exter
minate.—Harper’s Weekly.
A FORTRESS OF THORNS.
Curious Noot of tho Little Brown Wrtn
of Central America.
The little brown wren of Central
America builds a nest that should be
long to a bird five or six times as
large as It Is, and, to prevent other
birds from disturbing Its home while
It is away It builds as a protection a
fence of thorns leading to It.
When Madam Wren looks for a
home site, says a writer In the Ave
Marla, she selects a tree where two
branches He parallel about two feet
apart. Across these two branches she
and her mate lay a little platform
about five feet In length. Near the
trunk of the tree Is built a dome
shaped nest about a foot In height.
The sides of this nest are all Inter
woven with thorns.
Next a covered passageway is built
from the nest to the end of the plat
form In as crooked a manner as pos
sible. Thorns stick out In all direc
tions Just as In the nest Itself, and
every few Inches on the Inside of the
tunnel little fences of thorns are
placed In such a way that any crea
ture not familiar with the passageway
will get badly pricked. Finally across
the outer end of the tunnel is a mov
able gateway of thorns.
Bothered by Plurals,
The Norwegian waitress who was
learning English had more trouble
with her plurals than with any other
one thing. It seemed Impossible for
her to acquire the trick of putting on
the letter “s'* at the right time and
leaving it off at others. She would In
variably Inquire on seeing a first help
ing disposed of, “Will you have more
lambs?” or “Will you eat more chick
ens?" When corrected for this she
would take pains to ask, “Will you
have one bean?” and “Will you eat
one huckleberry?" Finally the con
stant explanations of an overzealous
mistress confused her past straighten
ing out. There were guests staying
over the week end, and Inga took the
lady’s order for a soft boiled egg, then
the husband’s for another. The girl,
after a moment’s hesitation, walked to
the dumb waiter and said to the kltch
en below, “Qne soft boiled egg for
two!”—New York Press.
An Emperor’s Strange Fancy.
Strange fancies have taken hold of
some men regarding the manner in
which their bodies were to be disposed
of after death and the ceremonies to
be observed at their funerals. The
greut Emperor Charles V. bad the curi
ous Idea of celebrating his own fu
neral. Shortly before his death he
caused a tomb to be made In the chapel
of the monastery of Estremadura, to
which he had retired after his abdica
tion, and on its completion he. was car
ried to it as though dead. Placed in a
coffin and accompanied by a proces
sion, he was borne along, while chants
were sung, prayers said and tears shed.
After the solemn farce was over he
was left alone in the chapel, where he
remained a short time before rising
cat ot fhfecaAa.
~GROTESQUE STUPlOltYr""
Some of Stanley's Experienoee With
the African Natives.
The natives of central Africa are de
scribed by the late Sir Henry M. Stan
ley In his autobiography as being In
credibly stupid. He tells, for exam
ple, of one native who, with another
man, was sent In a canoe across a
river to fetch a company of men to
camp. After waiting an hour Stanley
went to the river, where he found the
two paddling each in an opposite direc
tion and blaming the other for his stu
pidity. They were in a passion of ex
citement and quite unable to bear the
advice of the men across the river, who
were bawllhg directions to them how
to manage their canoe.
Another stupid fellow was generally
saved from punishment because his
mistakes were so absurd. One day we
were floating down the Kongo. Near
camping time, aa he happened to be
bow man, 1 bade him stand by and
when I called out seize the grass on
the bank to stop the boat In a little
while we came to a fit place, and I
cried, “Hold hard, Klrango!”
“Please God, master,” he replied and
forthwith sprang on shore and seised
the grass with both hands while we, of
course, were rapidly swept on down
stream.
The boat’s crew roared at the ridicu
lous sight Nevertheless his stupidity
cost the tired men a hard pull up river,
for not every place was available for s
camp.
ICEBOUND ANTARCTICA.
Twice ae Large ae All Europe Is the
8outh Polar Continent.
The antarctic continent has been es
timated to be at least twice as large
as Europe. The evidence of paleom
tology Is to the effect that Antarctica
was once connected with the more
northern lands, at least with South
America, and that In prehistoric ages
some tremendous convulsion of the
earth's crust resulted In the sinking of
the "submarine" floor, until In some
places *it Is now 4,000 fathoms, or
more than four miles below the sur
face.
All am and the great land mass of
this continent there Is a deep ocean
bed cutting It off from every other
land of the earth and setting It apart
as a region more unlike the rest of
the globe than any other continent or
Island.
Explorations have proved that in
times before the advent of man upon
the eayth this most southern land bad
a temperate or even a warmer clb
mate. There are fossils, both animal
and vegetable, which Indicate this.
The formation of the rocks In Antarc
tica also Is of volcanic origin and vol
canic activity, notably In the case of
Mount Erebus, which Is not yet ex
tinct A vast mountain range, per
haps at one time a continuation of the
Andes, exists In Antarctica.—American
Review of Reviews.
Long In the Public Eye.
Opinions regarding what constitutes
being before the public may vary, but
one Kansas City negro who presides
over the buffet In a certain Kansas
City club has an opinion which Is
original, to say the least The negro
and a customer were engaged In a
friendly debate regarding the former's
age a few days ago. Their respective
opinions varied about twenty years,
the negro holding out for the smaller
number of years.
“You’ve been around Kansas City
twenty years, and you can’t make me
believe you’re young,” the customer .
argued.
"Ah knows Ah’ve been in business
here for a great many years,” was the
reply, "but that’s not saying Ah’m‘ old.
You see. Ah’s been befoh de public so
long people jest natchly thinks Ah’m
older than Ah am.” — Kansas City
Journal.
Night Light Machines.
Though the first match appeared In
England as late as 1827, the Idea seis
ed a genius years before that date.
This advertisement In a London Post
of 1788 gives evidence: "For travelers,
mariners, etc. Promethean fire and
phosphorus: G. Watts respectfully ac
quaints the public that he has prepar
ed a large quantity of machines of a
portable and durable kind, with pro
methean fire, paper and match Inclos
ed. most admirably calculated to pre
vent those disagreeable sensations
which most frequently arise In the
dreary hour of midnight, from sudden
alarms, thieves, fire or sickness."
A ' ' ,
Difference In 8peeoh.
Polly—You can never tell much about
a man from his speech. Belle—That’s
right. There’s Chollle, for Instance,
who stutters terribly. He proposed to
me five minutes after we met, and It
took Jack, who Is the most voluble
fellow In the world, three years.—Phil
adelphia Record.
Spoiled the Gama.
"We made a rule In our card club
that no member should be allowed to
win more than two prizes during the
•eason."
"Was It a success?”
“Not exactly. As soon as a lady won
two prizes she dropped out"—Detroit
Free Press.
This Life of Ours.
At the end of life we discover that
we have passed nearly one-half of It In
being happy without realizing It and
the other Uy Imagining that we were
miserable.
Couldn’t 8ee Thom.
Joke Seller—Did you receive my let
ter and that batch of Jokaa? Editor—
1 received the letter, bat X didn’t aye.
the JokeeywBatlre. --«■ ■»>»■'*»«*
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