TAVERNAY I;
A Tale of the Red Terror
BY BURTON E. STEVEN30N.
Author of "The Marathon Myatary," "Tho Holladay Caaa," ‘‘A Soldier of
Virginia," etc.
Copyrighted. ltOt, by Burton E. Stevenson.
»■ • ----------... ...
CHAPTER V—(Continued.)
"Not so great a claim as my coun
try." I protested.
"Perhaps not," she assented; "but at
present her claim is greater than your
country's. To desert her would bo to
dishonor her; a betrothal is a sacred
tiling, almost as sacred as marriage
Itself. To break it, to cast it aside, to
disregard it even for a time, would be
cowardly and Ignoble. You must go
on to Poitiers."
She spoke with a simple, fearless,
deep sincerity which moved me
•trangeiy. Ah, here was a woman.
Here was a woman 1
"You are right, mademoiselle," I said,
and bent and kissed her hand. "A
thousand times right. I thank you.
Then, with such agony at my heart
that I know not whither I went, 1
turned and left her.
CHAPTER VI.
Eve In the Garden.
But that clear voice recalled me ere
X had taken a dozen stepa
"What Is It? Whither do you go?”
ahe asked. “Not forward to Poitiers at
this hour!"
"Oh, no," I answered. "X was mere
ly going to—to walk about tho garden
—to think—to fight it out. But I was
rude. Pardon me. I—I did not realize
what I Was doing."
"You are pardoned,” she said, and
her voice was siren-sweet. "Perhaps I
can help you to fight it out, my friend
—at least, I should like to help you.
Besides, I have not yet done talking
to you. I have sortie further advice at
your disposal, if you care for It.”
"I do care for it,” I said, and turned
Instantly back to her. "You are very
kind.”
"I wish to bo kind," shs answered,
and looked up at me with a smile that
•et my head to whirling. "But before
X proceed,” she added, “you muBt sit
here beside me. I can't talk to you
when you are prowling up and down
like that. I feel as though I were hold
ing a tete-a-tete with a wild animal
and it disconcerts me.”
She patted tho seat with an inviting
hand, and smiled again that alluring
•mile. I sat down obediently and
looked at her, noting how the moon
light touched her hair with silver and
gave a strange glory to her face.
"Since you are betrothed to another,
M. de Tavemay,” she began, turning
In the seat so that she faced me,
"doubly betrothed with a tie there Is no
breaking, and since I have satisfied
myself that you aro a man of honor,
I feel that I can be quite frank with
you, almost as I should be with my own
brother, did I have one. What Is It?"
■he aBked, noticing tho cloud which
■wept across my countenance.
"Nothing, nothing," I hastened to
■ay. "Only there was a Btlng In tho
Words, as well as kindness."
"A sting?" she repeated. "I fear you
are very thin skinned, M. de Taver
aay."
"Perhaps I am," I admitted, humbly.
•*1 shall try to remedy the fault."
"Do,” she urged; “but I was about
to say that you have not yet wholly ex
plained yourself."
"I think I have told the whole story,"
I said, casting my mind back over Its
details. "I can think of nothing that I
havo omitted."
She sat for a moment looking at me,
her Ups parted, the color coming and
going In her cheeks.
"You said, some time ago.” she went
on, at last, "that I was ooncerned with
this story—that It was for that reason
you desired my Advice,"
“Yes, that Is true, mademoiselle.”
“Well, you have not yet explained to
me what you meant by that, my
Criend."
met her eyes.
“I thought you knew,” I began
hoarsely. "I thought you guessed."
"I am not good at guessing," she said
looking at me, her eyes radiant, her
hands against her heart.
"I meant," I stammered, "I meant
But my lips refused to form the
words; my heart turned faint
"Oh," she said, In a low voice, “I
understand," and she played for a/
moment with the rose at her bosom.
"You mean, then, that It Is I who
have wrought this change In you?"
"Yes," I assented and caught my
breath to choke back the sob which
rose In my throat.
She looked at me with a little
frown, which changed In an Instant
to an arch smile.
“Come." she said, “confess that
you are easily Impressed, and that
you will forget as easily."
"I shall never forget.”
“Remember the prove-' ‘That
which flames at a touch, dies at a
breath.' "
“Proverbs.'' I said “are the expres
sions of generally accepted fallacies."
“But consider, my friend,” and she
leaned forward in her earnestness un
til she almost touched me, until the
sweet glow of her body penetrated to
me. “You have known me only a
few hours. I am the first woman
you have met In riding forth Into
the world. You mistake a goose for
a swan. I assure you that there are
many women beside whom you would
not give me a second glance. Indeed,
It Is very possible that your betrothed
may be one of them. So you will
soon recover from this madness; In a
day or two It ■ 111 have quite passed
away. Honor leads you to Poitiers
and there you will find happiness
as well. In time you will come to
w-onder at this night s emotion, and
to laugh at It. You will look hack
and you will suy to yourself; 'What
a fool I was.’ "
“It Is true," I said slowly, "that
I may be a fool in desiring what I
can never hope to possess; but, at
least, mademoiselle, do me the Jus
tice to believe that I Bhall never
cease to desire it. I do not know
how to tell you, for I have no skill
In the phrases of love. I only know
that yoj have touched In me a chord
which will never cease to vibrate un
til t' heart Itself Is still. It Is not
your beauty, though you are very
beautiful; it Is not the tone of your
voice, though that Is very sweet; It
Is not your smile, though that drives
me to madness. It Is something be
yond and Uehlnd all that; it is some
thing which, for want of a better
name, I call your soul—that which
looks out of your eyes so clear and
pure that I tremble before It, know
ing my own unworthiness. It Is
your soul that I love, mademoiselle,
and no lapse of time, no chance of
fortune—nothing In earth or heaven
—can alter that love one atom."
I have heard that love gives eyes
to ttie blind, ears to the deaf, a tongue
to the dumb. I know that at that
moment, as my heart burned within
hie and the words rushed unbidden to
my lips, the world became all at
once a small and Insignificant thing,
with nothing worthy In It save me
and this woman and the love I had
for her. X have no words to describe
the emotion which shook me, the
passion which flowed In my veins
and took possession of my being. It
was as If a sudden mlraclo had been
wrought In me a sublimation o<
everything unworthy; R was as
though I had climbed a mountain
peak, and come out under tho elear
st'irs. In the thin, pure air, with
nothing between myself and God. I
have never again reached a hetgbt
quite so snbllme, or experienced a
bliss quite so poignant.
I was too blinded for the msment by
my own emotion to seo my companion
clearly, only her starry eyes I saw, and
her parted Ups, and her ela^ped hands.
Then she drew away from me and
seemed to shake herself, as though
awaking from a dream; and a cold
breath blew upon me and I, tpo, awoke.
The spell was broken, tho vision ended,
th« sublime moment gone.
"Indeed,” she said, her voloe not
wholly steady, but her eyes lnstlnpt
with mischief, “It seems to me that
you are fairly eloquent, M. de Taver
nay, despite your lack of practlca I
tremble to think what you will be In a
year’s time.”
"I shall be Just what I aru now,” I
said doggedly, wounded at her tone.
“You have sounded She height and
depth of my eloquence.”
"And I ara to believe all thlsT”
"If you do not, mademoiselle, It Is
not because It Is not true.”
“But your betrothed," she persisted;
“has she no attractions?”
"I have not seen her since she was
a child of 8,” I answered coldly. “I
remember only that she had white hair
and a red nose.”
She burst Into a peal of laughter
which shook her from head to foot,
and which I thought exceedingly 111
tlrned.
“Many children have,” she said, when
she could speak articulately. "I should
not allow such little things as those to
prejudice me against her. No doubt
her hair Is darker now and that red
ness of tho nose may have been only
temporary. Perhaps her memory of
you Is no more complimentary.”
"That Is very likely," I admitted.
"Think, then," she cried, "how agree
ably she will be surprised when she
sees you! Unless, Indeed, she has al
ready lost her heart to some handsome
fellow of Poitiers.”
“I trust not,” I said. “I trust not.’’
"And why?" she demanded sharply.
"I would not wish her to be unhappy,
also.”
She sat a moment silent, at that.
“You mean that, even If she has,"
she asked, at last, “you will hold her
to the betrothal?"
"Oh, no,” I answered, Instantly, “she
would be free—that Is, If she chose to
be free."
“If she choso to be?”
"Her father would hold her to her
oath,” X said.
"And you believe he would have a
right to do that?" she cried, wheeling
upon me fiercely. “You believe that
he would have a right to compel her
obedience, to force her Into tills mar
riage, to make her miserable?"
"Yes,” I answered, after a moment's
thought, "I am sure he would. The
law Is very clear.”
"Oh, the law!" she cried, Impatiently.
“I was not thinking of the law—X care
nothing for the law—a poor, stumbling
device of stupid men, whose meaning
even they do not understand! Would
he have the right?”
“Yes,” I repeated, "I believe he would.
He has passed his word.”
"And his word Is of more Importance
than his daughter’s happiness?" she
demanded, her eyes blazing.
“Undoubtedly,’' I answered, feeling
myself on Arm ground at last. "His
honor Is of more Importance to him
than anything else on earth.”
"Honor!” she echoed, contemptuous
ly. “An empty word men frighten
women with I”
“No!” I cried. "A rock to cling to In
time of storm, even as I am clinging
to It now.”
She sat for a moment looking at me
darkly.
"You men are all alike." she said, at
last. L.oras or creation, before whom
we women must bow In all humility."
“Even as you are doing at this mo
ment," I retorted.
She laughed at that and the cloud
vanished from her face.
“Thank you," she said. "After all,
I was tilting at windmills. There Is
small danger that your betrothed has
given her heart Into another's keeping.
More probably, she Is guarding It sa
credly for you. A girl has not a man's
opportunities for falling In love—nor a
man’s temptations. Besides—oh, I can
be frank with you, for I feel almost
like your sister!—permit me to tell
you, monsieur, that 1 think you a very
handsome fellow quite capable of con
soling her for the loss of any girlish
flame!”
I did not like the words, nor the
tones in which they were uttered. They
lacked that sympathy, that considera
tion, which I felt I had the right to
expect from her—which any other
woman would have given me. Per
haps, too, my vanity was wounded at
my very evident failure to touch her
heart.
“You are not treating me fairly,
mademoiselle,” I said, “nor kindly."
"You will pardon me," she retorted,
her face fairly beaming, “If I fail to see
the situation In such tragic light as
you. It has for me an element of hu
mor."
“It Is fortunate that I, at least, con
tinue to amuse you," I said gTlmly.
"Yes, there are not many people who
amuse me. Besides, I am quite certain
that, a year hence, when you look back
at this night, you also will be amused.
Naturally. 1 am flattered by your pas
sion, since It proves that, under certain
favorable circumstances, I am not de
void of attractions. But I should be
extremely foolish to take It seriously—
more especially since you are already
betrothed.”
"You are right," I assented, bitterly.
"I am a coward to try to entangle
you.”
•“Oh, you will not entangle me," she
answered easily. "I shall take good
care to keep a tight grip on my heart.
But all that does not prevent me liking
you Immensely, M. do Tavernay. I have
often wished," she went on, gazing at
me from under half-closed lashes in a
most provoking fashion, “that It were
possible for me to have as a friend a
man In whom I could wholly trust—a
man young enough to understand the
Illusions of youth—young enough not
to adopt toward one that paternal at
titude which I detest—one whose kind
ness and sympathy I could always
count upon and in whom I could con
fide. But I told myself that such a
wish could never be fulfilled; that such
friendships were too dangerous, that i
such a man did not exist. And yet, be- |
hold, here I have found him and ha ta
bound In such a manner that there Is
no danger for either of us."
"1 would not be too sure of that,
mademoiselle,’’ I Interrupted. “The
bonds have not yet been forged which
could not somehow be broken.”
"But bonds of honor!” shs protested,
‘^t Is your word!"
“Tes, even those! There Is a limit
to human endurance,” and I gripped
my hands together to keep them away
from her.
"Well, that limit shall not be passed,
M. de Tavernay, she assured me, her
lips breaking Into a smile, and (julte
regardless of her danger, she leaned
nearer to me. "Besides, I have a deep
confidence In you. The sentiments you
have tonight expressed completely re
assure me—I see now how foolish I
was to think there could be any risk
In coming here with you.”
It was a two-wedged compliment,
and I did not relish It, but she was
gazing up at me with eyes so guile
less and trusting that I choked back
the words which rose In my throat.
Perhaps, had I been older and more
experienced with women, I might
have seen the flicker of mischief,
which I suspect dwelt In their depths.
Qullelessness Is a favorite snare of
Circe's.
"Let me whisper you a secret,”
she added, leaning toward me, a lit
tle quirk at the corner of her lips,
"y>our betrothed Is a charming girl.”
“Oh, you know her,” I said and
started at her gloomily, for she
seemed to delight In torturing me.
“No—I have never met her—have
never even seen her,” and she laughed
to herself as she uttered tfie words;
"but I have heard her spoken of. With
her, you will soon forget this poor
Charlotte de Chambray—you will fall In
love with her even more desperately
than you have with me and she will
make you happy.”
"And will you regret that, made
moiselle ?” I asked, realizing the
folly of the question, but unable to
suppress It.
"Not In the least,” she retorted,
and burst Into a pSal of laughter, at
sight of my crestfallen countenance—
though It seemed to me that her
face showed traces of crimson, too.
But there Is, as I had said, a
limit to human endurance. Her
mockery raised In me suddenly a
Herne madness—a carelessness of
what might follow. I groped for her
blindly, my arms were about her,
crushing her to me with a sort of
Bavage fury. The mockery was gone
from her eyes now; she tried to
beat me oft, then, with a little sob,
hid her face upon my shoulder. But
pity was not In ino, only a fierce
exulting, and I raised her face. I
lifted her lips to mine and kissed
them desperately, passionately, again
mil again.
Then I released her and stood
erect, my blood on fire, a great Joy
it my heart.
CHAPTER VII.
I Dare and Am Forgiven.
For a moment she did not stir, only
sat there crushed and dazed, star
ing straight before her, as though
lot understanding what had happened.
And, looking down at her, my mood
ttf exultation In my triumph changed
suddenly to one of pity for her weak
less. I had felt precisely the same
amotion many times before, when, hav
ing brought down a bird or a rabbit
tty some daring or difficult shot I came
to the spot where my victim lay bleed
ing its life out Pity for my victim
Uways outweighed the satisfaction
which the successful shot had given
me, and I would tramp sadly home,
resolved to hunt no more. What right
had I to kill and malm God's free crea
tures? What right had I to bring suf
fering and misery into the world?
So gazing down at that bowed
head. I felt pity for her rise warm
within my heart. She was right.
Men were brutes, brutes—crushing
women by their strength, pulling
them down, taking their will of them,
then faring gaily on without a
thought for the shame and suffering
they left behind. So it had always
been.
At last she looked up at me and
her eyes were very cold.
“Was that the act of a gentle
man?” she asked.
"It was not,” I said, and at my
tone I saw her start and look up at
me more keenly. No doubt she had
Bxpected to hear in my voice a note
5f triumph.
“You are ready, then, to apolo
gize?" she continued after a mo
ment.
"I sincerely beg your pardon, mad
smolselle.”
“You see, I was wrong to trust
you— to come here into the garden
with you. But I thought you a man
sf honor."
"I thought myself so,” I said.
“And your excuse?”
"I was tempted and I fell."
“That has been man's retort since
the days of Adam,” she said with
scorn. “A retort which I consider
ungenerous and ungentlemanly.”
“Well, it has not been without
some Justification,” I said, my spirits
rising, as I saw that here, at least
was a victim capable of self defense!
"But I apologize.”
“You promise that the act shall
never be repeated?" she asked with
great severity.
(Continued Next Week.)
The Dawn Song.
When the wind comes singing on
Down the shining miles of dawn,
.Don't you know the song It sings
Have you sensed the word It bringiT
Swiftly from the glinting sky.
Soft and sweet and fair and high
Trembles out and far the strain
When the day has come again.
And It wakes the sleeping rills,
And the great trees on the hills
Lift their leaves, as lashes rise
Over sleep-enchanted eyes.
And the grass Is rustling low
While the measures come and go,
And the flowers In the field
All are suddenly unsealed
To the glory of full bloom.
So the wind takes their perfume
In the cadence of Its song
As It swings and sings along.
Nothing else In all the day
Works In such a mystic way;
Not the lazy hush of noon
Nor the silver of the moon.
Nor the cricket-chant at eve—
None of these may blend and weave
All the world Into a song
Echo-faint or chorus-strong.
Ho, the dawn song! How It thrills
Out and far beyond tho hills
While the wind goes singing on
Down the shining miles of dawn.
_ —Chicago Post.
Desperate Remedy Needed.
Plate-layer to passenger who has
Jumped from the London-Plymouth
not*-stop express—Jumped aht, did yerl
Waf for?
Passenger—Crowd of golfers In the
carriage; couldn’t stand another two
hours of their shop.
What has been done once can be done
again, and with the bill collector It usually
la.
The tallest shaft In the cemetery Isn't
going to take a man any nearer heaven.
THE WA Y OF THE LA W
-r T , ■ ■ ■ . t ,,,.,.r.r_TB ,_T , 4
Even lawyers sometimes grow tired of
the Innumerable technicalities that serve
to delay and obstruct court trials nowa
days, as well as of the not always wise
decisions that, It Is darkly hinted, have
at some times and some places been hand
ed down from the bench. No discreet law
yer, of course, would publicly find fault
with the weapons ef litigation at his dis
posal, much less venture to openly ques
tion the acumen of the court; but an old
attorney, who lives less than a million
miles from Kansas City, has submitted
the following as somewhat typical—If
somewhat exaggerated—of modern legal
proceedure:
SCENE, A COURTROOM.
Cast: Judge, sheriff, county attorney,
pettifoggers, Jury, witnesses, etc. Enter
Judge Know All, followed by sheriff,
court stenographer, etc.
Court: Mr. Sheriff, quarantine court.
Sheriff: Hay thar, you all The Horrable
circus court of the 13th redlculous district,
Jf the state of Texarkhoma, le now In se
cession pursuant to bankruptcy.
Court: (Adjusting his Colts 45, Ink wells,
Socket, glasses, etc.) Come to order gen
tlemen. (Cocking Colts 45, and opening
docket). The first case on call Is, The
State of Texarkhoma vs. Johen Doe. What
says the state In this case. No. 4-11-44?.
County Attorney: Ih the case of the
State of Texarkhoma vs. John Doe, the
state announces ready.
Lawyer Pettifog: Your Honor, the de
fendant demurs to tho lnflamatlon filed
herein by tho county attorney, and as
grounds for such demerrer respectively
shows the court:
1st. That the lnflamatlon filed herein
Is not written, printed or drawn on paper
Jf tho length, thickness, width and
strength required by sections numbered 16
to 1 of the Reviled Code of the State of
Texarkhoma.
Court: Well, It seems that the county
attorney never does anything In the man
ner provided In the statutes. Mr. County
Attorney, what have you to offer to over
come the contentions of Mr. Pettlfogg?
County Attorney: With Your Honor’s
permission, I wish to offer the affidavit
of the Janitor that the lnflamatlon filed
herein Is drawn on paper of the dimen
sions and strength, as required by the
statutes In such case made and provided,
and as shown by measuements made by
'.he said Janitor with the official yardstick
of this honorable court.
cimri. uemiemen, now orten wtu 1 be
required to remind you that affidavits are
not admissible in eases of this character?
I want you to produce the authority sup
porting your contentions. Show me the
law. Bring forth the official yardstick
and proceed with the measurements in the
presence of the court. I declare, that I
never saw the like In all my experience as
a Judge of the court of common spiels.
Enter keeper of the official yardstick,
bearing official yardstick.
Pettlfogg: Your Honor, I wish to ob
ject to the manner In which the keeper
of the official yardstick is approaching
Your Honor.
Court: Your objection Is overruled, Mr.
Pettlfogg.
Pettlfogg: With all due respect to Your
Honor, I wish to except.
Court: Mr. Slobographer, note the ex
ception of Mr. Pettlfogg. The keeper of
the official yardstock will pass the official
yardstick to Mr. Pettlfogg for his examin
ation.
Pettlfogg: (Examining official yard
stick)—Your Honor, I wish to call Your
Honor’s attention to the fact that my ex
amination of the official yardstick reveals
to me, as can be shown by the signs of
Zodiac, that the official yardstick has
been used within the last seven years by
the county surveyor, and without the per
mission of this honorable court. I object
to the state using the official yardstick
of this honorable court for the purpose of
measuring the lnflamatlon filed herein by
the county attorney.
County Attorney: Your honor, admit
ting the contentions of Mr. Pettlfogg to
be true, It Is equally true, as your honor
well knows, and as Mr. Pettlfogg will ad
mit, that the official yardstick, was by
the order of this honorable court, and
after Its unlawful use by the county sur
veyor, immersed In the official whitewash
tub of this honorable court, which, ac
cording to the ruling decision as rendered
by chief Justice of the peace wisdom, In
Starting Up the Oil Well
rrom narper s weeaiy.
In certain of the petroleum produc
ing districts It becomes necesary,
some times In opening an oil well,
some times when the well has become
clogged or apparently exhausted, to be
gin or renew the flow by exploding
nitroglycerine at the bottom of the well.
This explosive Is employed because It
Is exploded readily by the dropping of
a weight upon it. A man who carries
nitroglycerine from well to well for
this purpose Is known In the oil
regions as a "shooter.”
The shooter has a wagon In which to
carry his explosive. A square box un
der the seat Is carefully padded, and
when it has been solidly filled with
cans of nitroglycerine, which Is a mo
lasses like fluid, he fastens down the
cover and drives slowly away to the
well that he Is to "shoot.” Usually he
makes the trip very early In the morn
ing, to avoid the customary travel amd
so diminish the chance of danger.
For the most part the roads are
bad and the wagon Jolts along In a
way to make any one but an old
"shooter" decidedly nervous. If it Is
dark there Is great danger that a wheel
may drop Into a hole with force enough
to detonate the explosive. Several
wagons, bearing "shooters" and their
loads, have been blown up, but no one
evef lived to tell what sort of a Jar
caused the explosion.
In such a case little Is ever found
Testing His Scales.
Thank heavens James has quit call
ing me 'Baby,' ” said the woman who
weighs over 200 pounds. "A strange
butcher shamed him out of It. It was
done unconsciously, too; that is why
It was so effective. Since I began to
diet I have been weighed often. The
other day when James was buying
liver for the cat he remarked that he
wished there were reliable scales In the
neighborhood to weigh 'Baby' on.
"Said the butcher, bring her down
here.’
” ’Thanks,’ said James, ’I will.’
“James told me the butcher was ex
pecting us, so we went. He was ready
for us. He had rigged up a nice little
shawl arrangement suspended from the
hanging scales to put baby In, and
then he was introduced to—me. James
hasn't called me 'Baby' since."
More Genteel.
From the L.os Angeles Times.
"King Edward," said an English vis
itor to the Knickerbocker club in New
York, “hated snobbishness. To show
how ridiculous snobbishness was. he
used often to tell about an alphabet
book of his childhood. This book had
except the great hole In the ground
which the explosion has dug, with pos
sibly a wheel of the wagon a quarter
of a mile away In one direction and an
other in the opposite direction.
The “shooter” generally takes from
80 to 240 quarts of nitroglcerind in his
wagon. The smaller amount Is quite
enough, if it should explode, to leave
no trace of the driver of the vehicle.
When the "shooter” reaches the
well which is to be treated long torpedo
tubes are placed within the casing ot
the well and the nitroglycerine is
poured carefully into them. The well
may be 1,500 feet deep and is seldom
less than 1,000. When one of the tubes
is filled it is lowered with the utmost
care to the bottom of the well. This
operation is repeated until the “shoot
er" is satisfied that the load is heavy
enough to accomplish the purpose;
When all is ready a bar of iron, known
as a "go-devil,” is dropped into the
well. The instant it leaves his hand
the “shooter” takes to his heels, seek
ing a place of safety.
Suddenly the earth trembles; there is
a crash, followed by a snap; a muffled
sound arises and becomes louder and
louder, until a column of oil and water
shoots from 75 to 100 feet into the air
The country for hundreds of feet
around is filled with, clouds of spray
floating to windward. When this sub
sides the well is in operation, and the
“shooter’,’ receives his fee and drives
away.
alliterative sentences arranged under
each letter thus:
“ ‘Callous Caroline caned a cur
cruelly.’
“ ‘Henry hated the heat of heavy
hats.'
“Under the letter ‘V’ came the face
tious sentence:
” ‘Villiam Vilkins viped his veskit.’
“But the young prince’s snobbish
tutors thought this sentence too vulgar
and low for their charge, and accord-*
ingly they substituted for it the more
refined and genteel line:
“ 'Vincent Vining viewed a vacant
villa.’ ”
His Revenge.
Frdm the San Jose Citizen.
Little Boy—“I want a dose of castor
oil.”
Druggist—"Do you want the kind you
can’t taste?”
Little Boy (anxi is to get even)—“No,
sir; it’s for mother
Congress Adjourns,
From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
The shouting and the tumult dies.
The Captains and the Kings depart.
Still stands the ancient sacrifice—”
The constitution of the United States.
The heiress doesn't have to fish for a
husband. She can buy one in the market.
the celebrated case of the state of Penn
syltucky vs. Billy the Brute, nemoves all
objections to the introduction and use of
the official yardstick in any and all cases,
as may be required by statute.
Pettifogg: Tour honor, I neither affinal
nor deny any of the positions assumed
by the county attorney, in his argument
of this matter. I stand here on the rights
guaranteed to me and my client under the
constitution of the glorious state of Tex
arkhoma, and the sixty-second article of
war. The audacity of the county attorney
overcomes me.
Court: Gentlemen, it does seem that
these matters might be settled among
yourselves. It is not right to throw the
burden of deciding matters of such grave
importance on the court. I never saw the
like of objections and demurrers in all my
life. I cannot agree with either of you,
nor can I understand the grotesque atti
tude that you and each of you have as
sumed in the argument on this case, but,
if the decision Is to be left to me—are yon
ready for the question?
Cries of (question, question.
Court: The court being fully Ignorant
of the law, and. cognizant of the power to
oppress vested In the state, and of the
Jealous and ever watchful eye of our re
pellant court over the rights of the guilty,
it is therefore ordered, adjudged and de
creed by this court that John Doe be, and
he is hereby released and discharged from
the further cuseedness of this court; and
it is further ordered, adjudged and de
creed by this court, that the straw used
in the bond of the defendant that was, be
removed from the presence of the court.
County Attorney: Tour honor, the state
wishes to serve notice to all parties con
cerned that It will appeal from the de
cision and judgment rendered by your
honor in the case of the state of Texark
home vs. John Doe.
Court: Very well, Mr. County Attorney,
If you wish to squander the funds of this
commonwealth in the pursuit of such va
garies, you will be granted 40 years In
which to prepare and serve a copy of the
record In this case, and the defendant is
hereby granted the balance of his natural
life in which to suggest amendments. The
witnesses in this case are discharged.
Those wishing to claim witness fees will
give their names and all other personal
property to the clerk. Mr. Sheriff, shoot
out the lights; court is concerned.
Clerk: Ladies and gentlemen: You and
each of you do solemnly affirm by the
beard of the prophet, that the miles trav
eled by you, and the number of months at
tendance on the circus court as set forth
opposite your disreputable and notorious
names, is true and correct, and that you
need the money, so-help-you-twenty-five
cents-each-please ?
Witnesses: (Chorus) We need the
money.
(Curtain.)
SECOND SPASM.
(Twenty Years Later.)
Scene in the county executioner’s court.
Cast: County executioners, county at
torney, witnesses, etc., etc.
Chief Executioner: In the matter of
witness fees, in the case of the state of
Texarkhoma vs. John Doe: It is the
Judgment of this court, that the witnesses
in this case ought as a matter of right,
to be paid. (Shouts of great rejoicing
by witnesses; chorus, “He’s a jolly good
fellow.”) It is hereby ordered by this
court, that all of the said witnesses, as
shown by the certificate of the clerk of
the circus court, be
County Attorney: Most high and Ignoble
chief executioner, pardon my Interruption
at this time; but as the county attorney,
I wish to state that the case, under con
sideration, has not as yet been decided by
the repellant court; and furthermore, I
wish to remind and call your honor’s at
tention to the fact that our Inferior courts
have uniformly held that in the absence
of a statute to the contrary, the county
will not be liable to pay witness fees In
‘‘John Doe” proceedings.
Chief Ex: Ladies and gentlemen, you
have heard the opinion of our Inferior
court. You are well aware that this court
must be guided and controlled by Its de
crees, and therefore, and in accordance
therewith, the witnesses In this case will
not—
Pandemonium, rough house, red fire, cy
clone, precipitous exit.
(Curtain.)
A Protection Against the Heat.
When you begin to think it's a per
sonal matter between you and the sun
to see which Is the hotter, buy your
self a glass or a bottle of Coca-Cola.
It Is cooling—relieves fatigue and
quenches the thirst. Wholesome as
the purest water and lots nicer to
irink. At soda fountains and car
bonated in bottles—5c everywhere.
Send 2c stamp for booklet “The Truth
About Coca-Cola” and the Coca-Cola
Baseball Record Book for 1910. The
latter contains the famous poem
“Case^ At The Bat,” records, schedule#
for both leagues, and other valuable
baseball information compiled by au
thorities. Address The Coca-Cola Co,
Atlanta, Ga.
Literary Note.
“Do you think that poets should
never marry?”
“I don’t know about that; But they
should be very careful about compos
ing love letters unless they intend to.”
Important to Mothers
Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that It
In Use For Over 30 Years.
The Kind You Have Always Bought.
FIND OUT THEN.
Jk
Hicks—Some men never realize tho
true value of money—
Hicks—Until they try to make a
touch.
The Return of Ferguson.
A night clerk in a hotel sat dozing
at his desk at about 1 a. m., when a
man in evening clothes came In as If
laboriously trying to walk a crack,
and said:
“I’m Ferguson; key to room 44."
The guest disappeared in the direc
tion of his room, one flight up. In a
few minutes a man In his shirt sleeves
with a flattened silk hat on the side of
his head, and with one shoe on a foot
and the other in his hand, came in and
said to the clerk:
“I’m Fershon; key to for-for.”
“Mr. Ferguson just took his key and
went up.”
“Mr. Ferguson just fell out window
’n’ left key inside. Kindly lemme
have ’nother.”—Everybody’s.
Merely a Prevaricator.
A doctor relates the following story:
“I had a patient who was very ill and
who ought to have gone to a warmer
climate, so I resolved to try what hyp
notism would do for him. I had a
large sun painted on the ceiling of his
room and by suggestion induced him
to think it was the sun which would
cure him. The ruse succeeded and
he was getting better rapidly when
cne day on my arrival I found he was
dead.”
“Hid it fail, after all, then?” asked
one of the doctor's hearers.
“No,” replied the doctor, “he died
of sunstroke.”
The grand knowledge for a man to
know is the essential and eternal dif
ference between right and wrong, bo
tween base and noble.—Mallock.
/->
Know How
To Keep Cool?
When Summer’s sun
and daily toil heat the
blood to an uncomfort
j able degree, there is noth
ing so comforting and
cooling as a glass of
Iced
Postum
served with sugar and a
little lemon.
Surprising, too, how
| the food elements relieve
j fatigue and sustain one.
The flavour is deli
cious—and Postum is
really a food drink.
“There’s a Reason”
POSTUM CEREAL CO., Ltd..
Rattle Creek, Mich.
V___>
