A Tale of a Wag. From the London Daily News. A sentry while on duty was bitten by a valuable retriever, and drove his bayonet into the dog. Its owner sued him in the county court for its value, and the evidence given showed that the soldier had not been badly bitten after all. "Why did you not knock the dog with the butt end of your rifle ?” asked the Judge. The court rocked with laughter when the sentry replied: “Why didn’t he bite me with his tall?” Mrs. Wliilaw’a Soothiso Stsup for Children teething, softens the gums, reduce! inflemmetl on, alleyspeln, cures wind colic. 25c a bottla. In Narrow Quarters. From the New York Sun. For many years old Colonel Lee re sided In Ninth street. New York, near the Hotel St. Denis. He Is still re membered by hundreds of New York ers for his bright manner and happy, apt remarks. When the project for erecting an equestrian statue to General Wash ington In Union Square was proposed, Colonel Lee was Intrusted with one of the subscription papers for circu lation. Shortly after receiving it he approached a well known citizen and asked for a subscription. But the citizen declined to subscribe, stating in a rather pompous manner: "I do not consider, sir, that there is any necessity for a monument to Mr. Washington. His fame is undying; it is enshrined in the hearts of his coun trymen.” "Is he enshrined in your heart?" soft ly Inquired the colonel. "He is. sir.” "Well, all I have to say,” retorted Colonel Lee, "Is that he Is in a tight place.” Reward of Merit. From Tit-Bits. Young Lady—"Give me one yard of— why, haven’t I seen you before?” Draper’s Assistant—“Oh, Maud, have you forgotten me? I saved your life at the seaside last summer." Young Lady (warmly)—“Why, of course you did. Then you may give me two yards of the ribbon, please.” Pettit's Eye Salve for Over lOO Years has been used for congested and inflamed eyes, removes film or scum over the eyes. All druggists or Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y. A Social Distinction. From the Boston Transcript. Pat—"An’ phwat the devil Is a chafin' dish?” Mike—"Whist! Ut’s a fryin’ pan that's got into society.” Good fellowship at the expense of the stomach leads straight toward bank ruptcy of health. Silly Seaton Elegiacs. This is the season of serpents that swim | In the turf at the seaside— Hundred-yard serpents with heads crest ed, and saucer-llke eyes; Whose foreparts appear to the weather of liners, tlielr tails on the lee side— Snakes that the sailors don’t mention people might think they tell lies. This is the season of stories surprisingly, j shockingly silly, Doped by the writers of news, too hot to obtain what is true; Scandals at Newport and wonderful do- : lngs in old Piccadilly Smart Set gone daft with the heat, nutty to do something new. This Is the season when preachers preach against peek-a-boo dresses— Then the Dear Girls think ’em bad, and make ’em more peek-a-boo still. Now comes the poisoned Ice cream and j the rest of the murderous messes; Sunstrokes for doctors to cure—mad dogs for coppers to kill. August, Mad Mullah of months! Is there any that chanteth thy praises? Yea. there be some, but that proves that bards have gone mad with the rest. All the world’s wrong In Its thlnk-box whenever Sirius blazes, Hence by these verses our own sanity falls Is the test! —Cleveland Deader. FORMER KNIGHTS OF THE GRIP Among Them Were Merchant*, Writ ers and a Great Evangelist. Marshall Field was a commercial traveler; so were John Wanamaker and Tom Murray. So also were Dwight L. Moody, the great evangelist, and Rich ard Cobden, the English statesman and writer. Ex-Governor Frank Black, of New York, followed the road with Ills sam ple cases before beginning his legal and political career. Walter D. Moody, ono of the chief executives of the Chicago Association of Commerce, was for 15 years a road salesman. This list might be extended almost indefinitely. Occasionally the commercial traveler leaves the road to enter one of the pro fessions. According to Everybody's, Milton J. Foreman, one of the leaders of the Chicago bar, president of the Chicago Charter association, alderman, and a power In local politics, was a star hat salesman and took his law books on the road with him until he was well grounded In the rudiments of the profession. MUST BELIEVE IT. ivery Reader Will Concede the Troth of Thle Statement. One who suffers with backache or any form of kidney trouble wants a cure, not merely temporary benefit. Rev. Maxwell S. Rowland, of Toma River, N. J., makes a statement In this connection that Is w o rth attention. Says he: "I was suddenly taken with an attack of kidney trouble, had severe pains In my back and loins and was generally run down. Doctors were not helping me so I began us ing Doan’s Kidney Pills. They brought me prompt relief. and as I continued taking them the pains in my back disappeared and the kidneys were restored to normal con dition.” Remember the name—Doan's. Sold by all dealers. BO cents a box. Fos ter-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. Summer Hymn. The year draws near its golden-heartea. prime. Fulfilled of grandeur rounded lDto grace; We seem to hear sweet notes of Joyance chime From elfin bells through many a green wood place. The sovereign summer, robed and gar landed, Looks, steeped In verdure, up the en chanted skies; A crown, sun-woven, round her loyal head, And love’s warm languor in her dreamy eyes. We quaff our fill of beauty, peace, de light; But mid the entrancing scene a still voice saith, "If the earth, heaven’s shadow, shows a face so bright, What of God’s summer past the straits of death?" —Paul Hamilton Hayne. OF ALL HOT WEATHEK ENEMIES K~ nlera la tb« worst. Treatment must ba prompt. tTsa Ink tiler (Perry D»v1b’) which twrercome* all bow#| troubles. like diarrhoea, cholera morbus and dysentery. In Good Training. From the Seattle Week-End. “Fust time you've ever milked a cow, is it?” said Uncle Josh to his visiting nephew. “Well, y’ do it a durn sight bettA’n most city fellers do.” "It seems to come natural somehow,” said the youth, flushing with pleasure. "I’ve had a good deal of practice with a fountain pen.” Constipation causes and aggravates many serious diseases. It is thoroughly cured by Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Tablets. The favorite family laxative. In overhauling the seven submarine cables between Italy and Messina sev eral of them were found to be badly damaged by heat, the sheathing and layers of rubber being burned and in some cases the copper conductors fused. Owing to a great change in the "floor” of the strait of Messina, one of the cables was so deeply burled that it was necessary to abandon it. Fall Palallas. The majority of property owners are finder the impression that spring time is the only painting time. But the fall of the year offers several advantages to the painter. One of the most import- ' ant is that surfaces are almost sure to be dry, and there is no frost or inner moisture to work out after the paint is applied. Pure white lead—the Dutch Boy Painter kind—mixed with pure linseed oil (tinted as desired) gives a winter coat to a building that is an armor against the severest attacks of the winter rain, sleet, winds and snow. National Lead Company, 1902 Trin ity Bldg., New York City, makers of pure white lead, Dutch Boy Painter trademark, are offering to those inter ested a complete painter's outfit, con sisting of a blowpipe and lead tester, book of color schemes, etc. State whether you want exterior or interior decoratine. _ _ “What You Don't Know Don’t—” From the Milwaukee Journal. A woman came Into the general store with a Jar of butter. She desired to exchange it for another jar of butter. In churning her butter she had dis covered a mouse in tho churn. “It didn’t injure the butter," she said to the storekeeper, “and to anyone who did not know the circumstances it would taste all light.” Taking the Woman at her word, the merchant curried her Jar into the back room, transferred her butter to an other jar, and the gratified customer took hack her mouse butter with a thousand thinks for the accommoda tion. _ Hamlins Wizard Oil is over fifty years old and, like an old friend, it can be de pended upon just as surely as the family doctor who may be miles away. OUR MIX-UP WITH A COMET. That a comet struck the earth In north ern Arizona somewhere between 5,000 and 700 years ago, la considered extremely probable by Professor W. H. Pickering, of Harvard, who contributes an article on the subject to Popular Astronomy. Cal culating first the general chances of such a collision. Professor Pickering estimates that we should expect to be struck by the core of a visible comet once In about 400, 000,000 years, and by some portion of the head once In 2,000,000 to 4,000,000 years. Ac cepting the estimate that animal life has existed on earth for about 100,000,000 years, perhaps as many as 60 collisions must have taken place during that Interval, evi dently without producing any very serious results. Besides these there are Invisible comets with regard to whose frequency wre have no accurate knowledge. Some of these are badly disintegrated—mere “star showers." The locality where Professor Pickering thinks one of the comets may have struck Is known as Coon Butte, and Is about 70 or SO miles from the Grand Canon of the Colorado. A Present-Time Inquiry. Oh, say, Ain't we getting too gay? Ain’t we going too fast To last? Ain’t we whooping things up so much We'll all be in Dutch? Ain’t we pushing too hard Without regard To anything except that we Must do it all immediately? Ain’t we banging all records In a way that ought To prove that our energy Is overwrought? Wow! Look at us now! The aeroplane is on the wing And flying round like everything To show that man, beyond doubt. Has got the bird game beaten out; The Lusitania’s added powers Have cut her time to fewer hours Than any other ship has done On any trans-Atlantic run; The Hudson-Fulton show will be The greatest on this earth to see; We’ve reached the top notch of the earth And got the pole for all it’s worth; The highest buildings scrape the sky, The fastest trains go whizzing by. The athletes do their strongest stunts, The greatest hunter fiercely hunts, The quickest autos mow us down in open field and crowded town; The largest wages go to toil. The biggest crops enrich the soil: The fastest thing on earth’s too slow. The biggest Is too small, And everybody seems to want To get ahead of all. By gum. That we are going some Cannot be denied, But on the side, Ain’t we going too fast To last? Gee whiz, Can't somebody say where the limit is? Willing to Try. From the London Times. ”Do you think you can manage with jqy salary of three pounds a week, darling?” he asked, after she had said yes. "I’ll try, Jack,” replied she. "But what will you do?” The man who claims to understand women may be educated, but he Is ci ther inexperienced or an egotist. THE DOCTOR’S WIFE Agrefi with Him About Food. A trained nurse says: "in the prac tice of my profession I have found so many points In favor of Grape-Nuts food that I unhesitatingly recommend It to all my patients. “It is delicate and pleasing to the palate (an essential In food for the sick) and can he adapted to all ages, being softened with milk or cream for babies or the aged when deficiency of teeth renders mastication impossible. For fever patients or those on liquid diet I find 'Grape-Nuts and albumen water very nourishing and refreshing.' “This recipe is my own Idea and Is made as follows: Soak a teaspoonful of Grape-Nuts In a glass of water for an hour, strain and serve with the beaten white of an egg and a spoonful of fruit juice for flavouring. This af fords a great deal of nourishment that eveu the weakest stomachs can assimi late without any distress. “My husband is a physician and he uses Grape-Nuts himself and orders it many times for his patients. "Personally I regard a dish of Grape nuts with fresh or stewed fruit as the ideal breakfast for anyone—well or sick.” In any case of stomach trouble, nerv ous prostration or brain fag—a 10 day trial of Grape-Nuts will work won ders toward nourishing and rebuilding and in this way ending the trouble. "There’s a Reason,” and trial proves. Look in pkgs. for the famous little book. “The Road to Wellville.” Ever read the above letter? A new one appears from time to time. They are genuine, true, and full of human interest. WOULD YOU marry If suited? Matri monial paper with advertisements, mar riageable people from all sections, rich, poor, young, old. Protestants, Catholics Mulled free. O. Gunnels, Toledo, Ohio. __ Pipe Smokers' Jaws. From the Philadelphia Ledger. There is one question I always ask a man who wants a job," remarked the business man who has to hire several hundred men for different positions each year. "The question I always ask them is, 'Do you smoko a pipe much?' Of cours the answers are various. Some of them smoke a pipe a great deal and others not at all. Some smoke cigarets, al though I seldom can get a man to ad mit It. There seems to be a general guilty feeling when a man Is a cl garet smoker. Some of them smoke cigars. My business is such that It makes very little difference to their availability to me no matter what they smoke. "Why do I ask about the pipe? Well, not that I have the least interest In their habits, or that I have any preju dice one way or another In the matter. The reason Is that I want to know whether the formation of their lower jaws is natural or acquired. “A man with a firm lower Jaw Is al ways a man of parts and of will. I say 'always,' anyway, most always. If he does not smoke a pipe his square jaw. back near where It hinges on to the upper one. Is natural. If he Is a pipe smoker the looks are deceiving, and 1 have to Judge his caliber some other way. “Pipe smokers always have strong muscles back on the face about the place a man stops when he makes the first stroke downward in shaving. These are the muscles that hold the Jaws together. They often give a square jawed effect to a man who hasn’t any square Jaw characteristics. My men think I ask funny questions, but there's a reason." COVERED WITH HIVES. Child a Man of Dreadful Sore, Itch ing, Irritating Humor for Two Months—Little Sufferer In Terri ble Plight—Cured by Cuticura. “My six year old daughter had th« dreadful disease called hives for two months. She became affected by play ing with children who had it. By scratching she caused large sores which were irritating. Her body was a complete sore, but It was worse on her arms and back. We employed a physician who left medicine, but It did not help her and X tried several reme dies, hut without' avail. Seeing the Cuticura Remedies advertised, I thought I would try them. I gave her a hot bath dally with Cuticura Soap and anointed her body with Cuticura Ointment. The first treatment relieved the itching and in a short time the dis ease disappeared. Mrs. G. L. Prldhoff, Warren, Mich., June 30 and July 13,’08." Potter Drug & Chem. Corp., Sole Props, of Cuticura Remedies, Boston. MORGAN’S BIG IDEALS. Some Famous Spot-Cash Transactions —American Croesus Quick to Decide. From London Answers. The sudden purchase of the Piccadilly hotel for the sum of £500,000 is a re markable instance of a huge concern changing hands in a few moments. It was easy enough for Mr. Mallaby Deeley to draw a cheque for half a million, but the complicated nature of the deal is only apparent when one tries to realize what half a million of money really Is. But half a million down is by no means a record. There have been nu merous sales of great English estates durlng.the last 20 years, and more than £500,000 has been paid on at least two occasions. One estate' alone—the Ken sington—realized over £600,000, and the whole transaction did not cover two hours. Even within the past three months two estates changed hands for £250,000 apiece. Mr. Pierpont Morgan has been asso ciated with many big deals. Some years ago he was shown a collection of old masters, and promptly purchased the lot for £1,000,000 sterling, drawing a single cheque for the amount. Lord Amherst of Hackney's Caxtons were withdrawn from the sale because the American millionaire privately offered £25,000 for the set; and his cheque was promptly accepted. Mr. Morgan is famous for his quick ness of decision in these matters; but his promtpness has not always been successful. On one occasion he went into a curio shop in Paris, where he was well known. The proprietor produced for his inspection an ancient cope; in fact, the one worn by Pope Nicholas IV. The millionaire took out his cheque book and paid £4,000 for the trfflsure. Later on he was informed that it had been stolen from the cathedral at Milan, and, in deference to popular desire, he restored the cope. As an acknowledge ment, the pope had a special medal struck in his honor. While the destruction of birds en tails a loss of $1,000,000,000 a year to American crops, the American woman continues to wear beautiful plumage purchased abroad. Beati I Hi. Blest is the man whose heart anil hands are pure! He hath no sickness that he shall not cure, No sorrow that he may not well endure; His feet are steadfast and his hope is sure. Oh! blest Is he who ne'er hath sold his soul, Whose will Is perfect and whose word is whole. Who hath not paid to common sense ths toll Of self-disgrace, nor owned the world's control! Through clouds and shadows of the dark, est night He will not lose a glimmering of the light Nor, though the sun of day be shrouded quite, Swerve from the narrow path to left 01 right —John Addington Symonds. The woman who was told before marriage that her slightest wish should be law, would do well to con sider how often the law Is broken. Regardless of general aversion to kickers, the soubret who kicks the highest on the stage draws the biggest crowd. Each of the chief or* gang of the body it a i link in the Chain oi | Life. A chain is no stronger than its weakest link, the body - no stronger than its weakest organ. If there is weakness of stomach, liver or lungs, there is a weak link in the chain of life which may snap at any time. Often this so-called weakness” is caused by lack of nutrition, the result of weakness or disease «f the stomach and other organs of digestion and nutrition. Diseases and weaknesses of the stomach and its allied organs are cured by the use of Dr. Pierce’s Golden Medical Discovery. When the weak or diseased stomach ia cured, diseases of other organs which seem remote from the stomach but whick have their origin in a diseased condition of the stomach and Other nrffcanft of Hiand nttfrifinn nr* onrod alert The strong man has a strong stomach. Taka the above recommended “Discov ery” and yon may have a strong stom ach and a strong body. Civbn Awat.—Dr. Pierce’* Common Sense Medical Adviser, new revised Edition, is sent free on receipt of stamps to pay expense'of mailing only. Send 21 one-cent stamps for the book in paper covert, or 31 stamps for the cloth-bound vol ume. Address Dr. R. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y. For niftll/ ■”'«/fs DISTEMPER, CATARRHAL Lf R |%l M f f f FEVER. AND ALL NOSE ■ A i HI A^ A A^ and throat diseases Cures ths sick and acts as a preventive for others. Liquid given on the tongue. Safe for brood mares and all others. Best kidney remedy. 50 cent9 a bottle, *5.00 the dozen. *1.00 and *10.00 the dozen. Sold by all druggists and turf goods houses, or sent, express paid, by the manufacturers. SP0HN MEDICAL COMPANY, Chemists, Goshen, Ind. AM OPENING UP a rich mine, likely to yield $25,000 to $50,000 yearly. Need help to develops will sell interest cheap. Own er, Box 257, Omaha, Neb. QUEER POSTALS—Post cards, real satin sofa pillow attached, filled lovely sachet powder, decorated sparkling jewels, two lor 25c. Eastern Trading Co., Room 3, New Haven, Conn. A 8kin of Beauty la a Joy Forever. *11 T. Felix Oouraud’s Oriental Cream or Macioal Beautlfier. Remove* Tan. Pimple*. Freckle*, Moth Patches, Rash, and Skin Diseases, ap+k and every blemish /y£h \ on beauty, and Ue ///<&]] lies detection. It m £v/ hai ,tood th* t00t of *0 years, and Ay *0 00 harmless we tastelttobesurelt In \ Is properly made. n / Accept no count er T \ felt of similar « V name. Dr. L. A. I \ Bayre said to a I \ lady of the haut* I ton (a patient): fw J “A* you ladle* will use them. *Gonrnud*s Cronin’ an the leant harmful of all the Ain preparations." For sale by all druggists and Fancy Goods'Dealers In the United States, Canada and Eutropa. FERD.T* HOPKINS, Prop., 37 Qreai Janes Stmt, Newtek TOILET ANTISEPTIC -NOTHING LIKE IT FOR TIIP TCCTU Pax tine excels any dentifrice I nt I tt a IT in cleansing, whitening and removing tartar'from the teeth, besides destroying all germs of decay and disease which ordinary tooth preparations cannot do. TUP MflllTU Paxtine used as a mouth ■ alt IVIww B A wash disinfects the mouth and throat, purifies the breath, and kills the germs which collect in the mouth, causing sore throat, bad teeth, bad breath, grippe, and much sickness. TUC CVC6 when inflamed, tired, ache I Hk EiV tO and bum, may be instantly relieved and strengthened by Paxtine. PXT1QDU Paxtine will destroy the germs vH I Annn that cause catanh, heal the in* flammatioa and stop the discharge. It is a sure remedy.foruterine catarrh. Paxtine is a-harmless yet powerful germicide,disiiife<3ant and deodorizer, j Used in bathing it destroys odors and leaves the body antisepdcally clean. FOR SALE ATORUGSTORES.BOc. OR POSTPAID BY MALL.’ URGE SAMPLE FREE! THE PAXTON TOILET CO.. BOSTON. MASS. SIOUX CITY P’T’G CO., 1,313—39, 1909 pi @51581 i n|i^' I ALCOHOL 3 PER CENT.'I l|ff| il;; AVfegptable Preparation IkAs ffilfei 8 i stmilaling (he Food and Regula MBS;iingUie Stomachs andBowelsof ■III i; Promotes Digestion.Chterfui i i ness and Rest.Conlains neither ■Sfoi: j Qpium.Morphine nor Mineral, iSp:!;' Not Narcotic, j iffi 1 ■ AdptofouDcsmurinm ! ■If *%&£*?' ) ■MSfiii-i JhMUSdts- I ■iffl'S v jtnistSud* I ■te astib*. ? MrmSrtd- '} j|||: ) iiii1®! Aperfect Remedy forCcmsfipa BE5 e,TT PUTNAM FADELESS DYES . . , ... I.«i— f.i.r. Ihaa in other dye. Ooe 10c packaie color* all liken. They dye le cold water he Her thaa aay ether dye. Too caa dye ’tl^e»e^WriM"*rheeh*ekt*l Be. t* Dye. Bleach .ad Nil Color*. MOM HOB B*V6 CO.. Quincy. lUincic THE SHEEP AND THE GOATS. The Vicar (Introducing a member o! his flock to the new curate)—One ot my old sheep, Mr. Scroggins. “You Pay” for Results Only Dr. Hathaway’s Modern Meth ods Have Proven Successful In Thousands of Cases. The most discriminating person can find no fault with Dr. Hathaway s meth ods of combating the special and chronic diseases of men and women, and were you to look the whole world over, you jprob ablv could find no better. The superiority of his treatment has been proven iu many cases where they have failed to derive benefit from most all kinds of patent medicines, family doctors, specialists, medical companies and institutes, and it is not worth your while to look else where if you want value received for your ex penditure of time and money. His treat ment is of KNOWN OVALITY. Therels no guesswork or patchwork about it. The experimental stage passed many years apo and the treatment of TO*DAY is based upon indisputable and time proven facts. If you are need of medical treat ed ment at all you can afford the Best, and j when you get Dr. Hathaway’s treatment in the beginning, you will save yourself much worry and a great disappointment. Remember, Dr. Hathaway hns had over or vaq ro' **vnerietu«e 1n thp treatment of SPECIAL DISEASES PECULIAR TO MEN AND WOMEN Fifteen years located in Sioux City; same office; the very beat of professional and financial reference®. No fake or fraudulent methods employed. Just straight, legitimate practice and a “SQUARE DEAL" to everyone. You will never regret taking Dr. Tlatnnways treatment. Consultation and examination free to all. WRITE OR CALL TO-DAY AND DESCRIBE YOUR CASE. DR. HATHAWAY & CO., “Mr Sioux City, Iowa AFTER SUFFERING TEN YEARS Cured by Lydia E. Pink ham's Vegetable Compound Maklton, N«T.—I feel that LydiaE. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound has ■ I.-*1! l mirnn nom 14#~ 1 suffered for ten years with serious female troubles, in. flammation, ulcer, ation, indigestion, nervousness, and could not sleep. Doctors gave me up, as they said my troubles were chronic. I was in despair, and did not care whether I lived nliAikf T rrilin 'D Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound; so I began to take it, and am well again and relieved of all my suffering.’’—Mrs. George Jordy, Box 40, Marlton, N J. Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Com Eound, made from native roots and erbs, contains no narcotics or harm, ful drugs, and to-day holds the record for the largest number of actual cures of female diseases wo know of, and thousandsof voluntary testimonialsare on file in the Pinkham laboratory at Lynn, Mass., from women who have been cured from almost every form of female complaints, inflammation, ul ceration, displacements,fibroidtumors, irregularities, periodicpains, backache, indigestion and nervous prostration. Every suffering woman owes it to her self to give Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vege table Compound a trial. If you would like special advice about your case write a confiden tial letter to Mrs. Pinkham, at Lynn, Mass. Her advice is free, and always helpfuL Don’t Wait Till Night The moment you need help, take a candy Caacaret. Then headaches vanish, dullness disappears. The results are natural, gentle, prompt. No harsher physic does more good, and all harsh physics injure. Vest-pocket box. 10 cents—at drug-stores. People now use a million boxus monthly. 853 I " 1 . " 1 ■mimi'V This Trade-mark Eliminates AU Uncertainty in the purchase of paint materials. It is an absolute guarantee of pur ity and quality. For your own protection, see that it is on the side of every keg of white lead you buy. NATIONAL LEAD COMPANY 1802 Trtnity Building. Ntw Tart