r-- - —"
rrom the Milwaukee Sentinel
"Bilkins tells me he is getting awful
ly «ired of living alone.”
T would think he’d marry and settle
dow n.”
M was talking w(th him about it the
other day, and he says he doesn’t
know whether to get married or buy a
phonograph.”
Shopman (to undecided customer
come to purchase a dog-trough)—
Would you like one with “dog” painted
on it, madam?
Customer—N-no. You see the deg
can't read, and my husband doesn t
drink water.
Shaking Him Up.
From Tit-Bits.
A young married lady one morning
gave her husband a sealed letter, which
he was to read when he got to the
office. He did so, and the letter ran a.^
follows:
"I mn obliged to tell you something
that may give you pain, hut there is
no help for It. You shall know every
thing, whatever be the consequences.
For the last week I have felt that it
must eome to this, but I have waited
until the last extremity, and can re
main silent no longer. Do not over
whelm me with bitter reproach, for you
will have te put up with your share of
the trouble as well as myself.”
Cold perspiration stood in thick drops
on the brow of the husband, w ho was
prepared for the worst.
Tremblingly, he read on
*'Our coal is all gone. Please order
n ton to be sent this afternoon. I
thought you might forget it for the
tenth time, and therefore wrote you
this letter.”
But he didn’t forget that time.
“Father," Bald little Hollo, "what Is a
treat man?"
"A great man, my son, Is one who man
ages to gather about him a corps of as
dstantH who will take the blame for his
mistakes, while he gets the credit for any '
food Ideas."—Washington Star.
••irs. VVluiuev • aooiJu;3 r *r "hlHniB
tceitiing- •ofumc f.be Tuu^a. rnaucus incite nan. i.ia ■'
Ur. MU a cuff* «tn.t M '.nr y Tvttic
From the Italtlmore American.
At the Intelligence Office 1 want a
plain cook.”
"Well, you’ll find plenty here. This
ain’t no beauty show."
Hides. Pelts and Weol.
To get full value,ship to the old reliable
N. W. Hide & Fur Co. Minneapolis. Minn.
A Nature F«ker7 Oh, No.
“Old you ever go rabbit hunting with
trrtbs?" Inquired the man who had Just
pome home from a vacation spent on
the “astern end of Long Island. With
put waiting for the negative response,
tvpl- h he apparently expected, he pro
ceeded to explain
"1 have hunted rabbits in nil Hie
visual ways, of course," he said, "but
vior e of them compares at all for sport
with this method of my own inven
tion. First, I procure a strong net. a
nun her of short tallow candles ami a
supply of hard shell crabs. These las!
musl be Just out of the water and
veiy lively.
I hunt around until I find n rabbit
burrow with* two entrances, and over
vne of these openings I fasten the net
securely. Then all that remains to be
done is to prepare my crabs for their
part of the work
"Lighting a candle, I hold it wick
down, for a few moments, over the
back of a crab, until the drops of melt
ed tallow have formed u little pool
upon hts hard shell. Into this I stick
tie* candle, light side up, and tn a
minute the grease hardens and holds
It firm nnd upright.
"When I. have several crabs fixed up
In this way I send them. In single file,
Into the open end of the burrow. You
can perhaps Imagine the sensations of
the rabbit when he sees this weird
torchlight procession making Its way
down his private hall. I fancy I can.
’Anyhow, I know what he does when
he sees It. He makes tracks Just us
fast as he can for his buck door, where,
of course, he finds himself stopped by
the net.
"It’s a great scheme; nothing can
beat It. and you can recommend it to
S'! your sporting friends."
From the Chicago Dally News.
Weary Walker (reading)—Dls paper
tells erbout the invenshun uv anodder
labor-savin’ merchlne.
Tired Tatters—Well, I’m a-hopln’ tt
won't save no labor fer me.
TAKE THEM OUT
Or I'red Them Food They Can Study
On.
When a student begins to break down
from lack of the right kind of food,
there are only two things to do; either
take him out of school or feed him
j)ro|>erly on food that will rebuild the
brain snd nerve cells. That food Is
Grape-Nut s.
A boy writes from Jamestown, N. Y„
saying: "A short time ago I got Into
a bad condition from overstudy, but
Mother having heard about Grn5>e-Nuts
' >od began to feed me on It. It satis
fied my hunger better than any other
food, and the results were marvelous.
I got fleshy like a good fellow. My
it'i nl morning headaches disappeared,
iml I found 1 could study for a long
period without feeling the effects of It
"My face was pale and thin, but U
low round and has considerable color,
t -r I had been using Grape-Nuts for
(limit two months 1 felt like a new boy
iltugother. 1 have gained greatly lu
itrength ns well as flesh, and it is a
Measure to study now that I am not
Mdlierod with my head. I passed all of
n. examinations with a reasonably
50 d percentage, extra good In some of
.hem. and It ta Grape-Nuts that has
Hived me from a year's delay In enter
ng college.
"father and mother have both been
Inip-aved by the use of Graiie-Nuts.
Mother was troubled with sloepleea
alglps and got very thin, and looked
pneworii She has gal rust her normal
i civ ip and Iooks. and sleep*. well
n ,r<.Chore's a Iteason." Head
*Tb-- Itoail in Wellrllle," lu pkgs.
THE GTURGECN COMES NO MORE
Recollections of a Philosophical Fish
in the Upper Delaware River.
From the New York Sun.
“I remember well the days," m>M *
nan from Pike county. Pa.. “When the
' gabled and turreted sturgeon was wont
to wander from the waters of Delaware
Bay, essaying to escape, perhaps, from
the caviare hunters of New Castle and
adjacent parts, and push his way up
the rlfs and rocky shallows Into the
river's purling upper waters, where his
; coming was watched by men with
guns and men with spears and men
with clubs and men with rope halters
and men with eel racks, but the stur
geon doesn’t visit the upper Delaware
any more.
"Perhaps one reason for this is that
the fishermen of Delaware Bay, hav
ing discovered long ago the value of
this queer and simple, yet formidable
looking water dweller as a provider of
merchantable stuff, have devised ways
and means to confine it within the
boundaries of their own bailiwick.
Another reason may be that there is
no longer water enough in the Dela
ware river during the season when the
sturgeon would wander up stream to
afford the big and ungainly fish ma
terial for bis convenient navigation.
"The sturgeon Is tenacious and
adapts himself good naturedly to cir
cumstances, so that If It might so
chance that he found himself within
the beleaguerment of some small and
shallow landlocked waters he would
with contentment abide there, letting
the sun smite his corrugated back and
the storm pelt It the while he rooted
and wallowed In the half disclosed
bed of his mischanced environment
until such time as the pitying flood
might come to let him forth Into the
unrestricted reaches of the flowing
river.
"In the days when this big fish was
no rare sight in the upper Delaware,
I have known a sturgeon, having run
a joust with some challenging eel rack
and been unhorsed, so to speak, to llo
in the maw of that same eel rack with
the aggravating sound about him of
water, water everywhere, but not any
drop for his, for a good twenty-four
hours, calmly and uncomplainingly
waiting for the eel rack man to com*
and do the rest.
"The man having come and tumbled
he patient fish into his boat and taker*
it ashore, I have known that same
sturgeon to be hauled with ropes a
nile over rough and stony ground, then
lumped into a pond not any too big
ror him to turn around in and with
to more water in it than he could
II Ink at a draught or two. If it were
he sturgeon’s habit to drink water,
md being released therein to turn,
ivith no trace ot malice or resentment
n his eye, though with abrasions a
nany In evidence on his domes and
urrets, and accept from his captor or
tny one else, peanuts, tobacco, appla
lores or even shingle nails, seemingly
?qually grateful tor each offering.
■ [ have known Ruch a sturgeon after
>erhaps a fortnight of durance to be
1 berated through the mercy of some
nan of tender heart and returned to
ho river, there at once to renew his
ittack on the eel rack and to be found
lext day again vanquished and walt
ng for events.
"I sometimes think that it was the
»el racks that 'tlced the sturgeon tc
ipper Delaware waters, and that he
oved to assail them and try their met
le. The law abolished the eel racks
/ears ago.
"It was at about the times the eef
•acks began to disannear from the
dver that the sturgeon’s visits to the
;pper waters became fewer and farth
er between, until now they are nc
more. It might be, after all, that th<
sturgeon went thither to fight the eel
racks, and with the passing of the
eel rack he saw no further attraction
In those waters.
"But while the sturgeon can get
along first rate In little water, and
will abide his time to escape to larger,
he Is not a land traveling fish, so that
•f he should undertake to journey
from tide upward In the Delaware in
these later days he would be stalled
before he had gone many miles. lie
would have to do some heroic work
if he got even as far as Easton.
Above that he could not pass.
"There are scores of places between
Easton and the Water Gap where peo
ple may cross the Delaware dry shod.
The historic spot where Washington
crossed the Delaware on that fierce
winter night, against a deep and Ice
choked tide, is now a chain of shallow
pools divided by dry and glistening
stones, where once the wide chan
nel ran.
“Where there once were islands be
tween Easton and the upper waters
there are islands no more, one chan
nel being entirely dry-—as dry as bone.
I And 30 the shallow and dry spots go
all the way up the river. A man might
walk for miles and not wet his shoes.
! "So. perhaps. It Is Just ns well for
1 the sturgeon that they no longer set
their hearts on revisiting old scenes
in the upper Delaware. They couldn’t
get within 100 miles of them,
i “Any how, they wouldn’t have any
of the old time fun, for the eel racks
I are gone, and the men who used to
watch for them with guns and lassos
and clubs and spears are too busy
nowadays with the black bass and
| wall-eyed pike, which have come in
since the sturgeon’s gala time, to lay
off and engage them as of yore.”
The Bearded Ghcst.
"Mark Twain on the Minnetonka,"
said a Duluth man, "talked a good deal
about Christian Silence, to which he
seems to be very strongly opposed. 1
believe, In fact, that he has written a
b'vik against It,
"ltut the book Is neither here nor
th re. I know nothing about that.
What X want to tell you is a story
Mark Twain told me on the subject of
Christian Science. He said the at
tempts of Christian Scientists to prove
their system scientifically were about
as truly scientific as the method of a
widow he used to know In Hartford.
The widow, at a sewing circle, an
nounced one day that the hair grew
after death. This was, a positive fact.
She had scientific proof of It.
" 'How ghastly!’ said a young girl.
And how did you get this proof, Mrs.
Jones?'
” 'Well.' Mrs. Jones answered. 'I be
lle' e lu spiritualism, and last Saturday
night 1 attended a seance.
" The room was very dark and still.
We held one another’s hands, in the
darkness and stillness the mod1— ma
trrillzed poor dear Joseph for me.
" I recognized nts dim outlines. He
approached softly. He bent over and
kissed me, sweetly and tenderly, on the
lips. And do you know-'
"She paused to give weight to her
words.
“ 'And do you know, whereas Joe
v as clean shaven in life, he has
• he softest, silkiest mustache and
beard.’ "
|.a!y C isto-ner— Have you any Sunday
toys that 1 could give to my little grand
son'.'
Shopina ' - Yea. here is our sixpenny box
• > so -ll* rs
]. <(\x Costo-rer—But I couMn'r th'.nk of
l : the child plu> at soldiers on a
: ,(y
S-m xrmin—Of rou*»« no’, madam, but
4 «uv .SaJvitUOD Ax my doldjtnt.
b
HOW TO BEAT THE TRUSTS 1 HAT
MAKE LIVING HIGHER—EA TLESS
Horace Fletcher, Epicurean, Winner of the Yale Endurance Tests at the Age of Fifty-Five, De«
claret That Any Man Can Live at an Expenditure of Only 1 wenty Cents a Day. Statistics
Show Wage-Earners Can Sell Their Services for Much Less in Commod
ities Than Six Years Ago.
' New York, Oct. 12.—"If people did
Mu ir eating according to right prin
ciples. the increase in the price of food
| ii- -d not b»* a serious matter.”
i This is the declaration of Horace
J 'k tcher, millionaire and food en
1 ! 'nuslast. who sat yesterday in his
i mins at tiie Waldorf Astoria.
Horace Fletcher is 55 years old. A
:Vw weeks ago he went. to Yah; and
broke the records for physlcial endur
ance, defeating all the husky youths
who had tried their strength in the
- - j! lege gymnasium. He says he was
to do it because he eats properly.
His eating philosophy is called “Flet
j . a i ism.” It is a simple philosophy. It
. ousisls in eating only when you are
! hungry, in chewing what you eat until
tin-re. is nothing left to chew, enjoying
j the taste of every morsel, eating only
wii.it tastes good and ceasing to eat
I when the appetite is satisfied.
This sounds easy, but it is not. To
1 ask the hustling New Yorker to pause
■ and enjoy everything he eats is to im
- pose a hardship. The average man, ac
i < ording to Mr. Fletcher, swallows but
I does not eat. Hecause ho does this he
j - ats vastly more than he needs, has less
i • n joy men t, has more sickness, is less
1 strong and energetic as a worker—and
spends so much more money than he
I n *ed spend that a "high price” rumor
! brings him panic.
“I could start a boarding house,” con
tinued Mr. Fletcher, "and, if every one
! in it would practice what I teach, their
j food would not cost me more than 15
cents a day -of course, exclusive of the
; cost of serving, cooking, rent, etc. 1
| mean I should have to pay the grocer,
the butcher and the baker not more
| than 15 cents a day for each one of my
! boarders. And, what is more, they
! would be fed on the best in the land,
I the most exquisite dainties in the mar
i ket.”
I “What would it cost an average me
chanic, with a family, to live, on your
system?” asked the writer.
“It' he were to spend 20 cents a day
for each member of his family,” was
the reply, “he could live well, do his
work more efficiently and never have
any doctor’s hills."
“Of what, for instance, would his
breakfast consist?”
“He would eat no breakfast. Ho
would go out to work on an empty
domach and would work better there
for. His morning’s labor would give
him tin appetite and about noon he
would be hungry, legitimately hungry,
and ready to'eat the principal, If not
th« only meal of the day.”
“Then you hold that it is unnatural
to be hungry on arising in the morn
in-V”
■ An appetite tor oreaKiast is artin
?ial. It is the result of years of habit.
A man could not rid himself of this
habit all at once; but it would not take
aim more than two weeks. The appe
tite that is not caused by work of some
lort is an unnatural appetite. The
body bus been lying dormant for many
hours when a man wakes up and it is i
'ess in need of food at that time than
at any time of the day.”
“And of what would such a mechan
ic's midday lunch consist?”
"He could get all the best bread, but
ter, potatoes, cheese, milk, fruit or veg
etables that he wanted. Any of these
would be within his limit of 20 cents.”
“Suppose he wanted meat?”
“He would be unlikely to want meat.
A ihan who lives as 1 live prefers the
simple, quickly digested foods and en
joys them more than any others. You
see, my system is the height of epicur
eanism. Every mouthful of food gives
to the eater all the enjoyment that Is in
‘t. He chews It as long as it. has any
taste and enjoys it as long as it is in
Ids mouth. By the time a man has fol
lowed my instructions for a few weeks
he has found just what his system
needs, and these are foods he craves
for, these are the foods out of which
he derives the most enjoyment. Eating
is a genuine pleasure, for wholesome
foods are a delight to the taste, and it
is perfectly true that the body of a
healthy man craves for the aliments
which most nourish it. Therefore the
appetite is the safest guide, and what
ever one's system craves for is the food
lha* he should eat.
| “I eat no breakfast, and generally
my midday meal is the only meal of
me aay. mu sometimes wnen out
walking in the evening l pass a baker’s
shop and suddenly crave a cake, a bis- 1
?uit or a piece of butterscotch. To
biic)i s\ craving I always yield, for I
know that my body needs just that
very tiling. At other times l have a
longing for peanuts, salted almonds or 1
pistachio nuts. Then l buy a few cents’
worth and eat them with relish. An
apple, a banana or some other fruit
may tempt me on some other occasion. 1
[ cannot tell what constituent of that 1
fruit or that nut my body is needing;
perhaps it is some mineral salt or some
form of sugar, but 1 know I need what
1 crave, and, therefore, I take it.
This is the principle upon which all
men should eat. If they were to do
so they would grow stronger as they
grow older, instead of wearing out their
bodies by overloading them with un
needed foods and thus making their j
digestive apparatus work far harder j
than is necessary. I, at 51, as you j
know, broke all the endurance tests at I
Yale. And it is only a few years ago!
that a life insurance company rejected
nu* as loo poor a risk!
Look at th«* Italian laborer, the man
who perform* the really hard manual ,
labor on our streets and on our build- !
lags today, and see what he eats. Meat i
1 as a very small place in his dietary. !
He goes out to work in the early morn- j
ing with scarcely any breakfast, j'er
haps none at all, and at noon, when his !
labor has whetted his appetite to a
keen edge he sits down and cats— j
what? A piece of bread and an onion,
* r a bunch of flnoechio, or a tomato, j
He may drink some beer with it or |
lie ma> not. After this meal he starts
In working again, thoroughly refreshed,
thoroughly satisfied, and works up an
a} petite for his evening meal, which
probably consists of a dish of spaghetti
• >r macaroni and some cheese. I do
not say the Italian way of living is
Ideal, but 1 cite it as an example of
wnat the simplest diet will enable a
,i to do. contractor in this city,!
om. 1 >yer of large numbers of la
. e s. tells n*e that the average Irish
. vc.u !.L a heavier woignt or do
, i m t.n • *• of wOik thu: me aver
as»? It:;! . r, but be is exhausted by it.
ln_* Italian can kaep on all day
. j.r i;;i\l work su m :.iy and without
f ,i . i explained to him tiiat the
La. . ; was tu* able of greater endm
u..< •' Man the Irish laborec because he
... ..ioi*e vh lesomc food and in stnali
.UJlut «. c .
*T1 ta . of h ' matter is that when
„ *r l h- acquired a natural app tite
b’ ao vMifc n \ 1 ils -.t1 n'ii.h is !n n
io .1^ and tnor
oughly. His body sucks up food as a
blottingpad absorbs ink. There is no
more waste than is necessary and the
stomach does no more work than is I
necessary; while the system derives the1
nutriment for which it is calling and in
the amount which it needs. Conse- |
quently. there is no indigestion, no feel - i
ing of repletion after eating, the diges- !
tion takes place rapidly, the stomach'
gets rest and the man can return to his !
work immediatley after his meal and !
work all the better for it."
“How long,” asked the writer, “would j
it take a normal man to acquire the,
preference for such simple food and in
such small quantites as you speak of ?“ |
“The normal man," replied Mr.
Fletcher with a smile, “is the man i
whose tastes and preferences are such
as I describe. The inan who eats three j
or four hearty meals of rich food a day j
is the abnormal man. made abnormal
by many years of Incorrect eating. '
Such a man, by honestly practicing
what I teach, by eating only when he is
really hungry, only such foods as he (
really cares for and by chewing every :
mouthful until it has lost all its savor
and Is reduced to a liquid that must
be swallowed, such a man would in
New York of some of the ordinary neces
sities now, as compared with a year ago:
1907. 1906.
White potatoes, per barrel ..$2.00 $1.60
Sweet potatoes, per barrel .. 1.75 1.00
Pickled fish, per kit . 6.00 5.00
Flour, per barrel . 4.15 3.40
Cotton dress goods, per yard _.05*4 .02ty
Prime beef, per carcass . 7.30 6.95
Sheep, per carcass. 6.75 5.40
Butter, per pound.29 .25
Tea, per pound.17 .13
Salt, soap and sugar are about the only
staples that have stayed at the sair-e price
during the last twelve months. Apples
arc 20 per cent, higher than in September,
1906, arid pears have advanced 20 per cent,
in cost. Nearly all canned vegetables and
fruits and meats and preserves have gone
up 10 to 15 per cent. Fresh mirk is now
bringing 9 cents a quart bottle In the
“good'' neighborhoods, but condensed milk
has not been advanced. Cigars have ad
vanced 15 to 20 per cent. Where the price
is the same the weight or quality has been
reduced. All the dairy products are up.
Whiskies and wines now cost the con
sumer more than for a long time previous.
Butter, cheese, eggs, all dairy products
are higher than since the civil war. AU
pork products are up from & ID- per
DIAGRAM BASED ON LABOR STATISTICS.
from two weeks to a month find himself
eating as I eat, one meal a day, and
that of the simplest food. The time it
would take would depend largely upon
how long and to what extent he had
been living unnaturally."
‘ Is it a fact, as has often been stated,
that your bills for food here at the
average not more than
‘‘Yes, it is true. Even at the prices
that are charged here I find no difficul
ty in living well on a dollar a day."
Mr. Fletcher has a palace in Venice,
which he calls his home. He has traveled
all over the world and is really epicurean
In his tastes. His food is dainty and of
the finest quality, and he drinks the rarest
of wines when they are set before him or
when his stomach tells him he needs
them, but he says he never wants richly
cooked food, he never craves tor game
and fancy dishes.
“Not that 1 do not like them." he said,
“but 1 prefer bread, fruit, nuts, potatoes,
cheese. And so \v..l any man after a few
weeks of practice. Therefore, I say that
no one who will live rationally and natur
ally need be alarmed by the rise in the
price of food. Suppose it has gone up 10
per cent.? If a man’s food is costing
n.m now only 20 cents a day, which Is all
It need cost him, that increase will
amount to only 2 cents, and his food will
cost him 22 cents; that is all. But I ven
ture to say that even at the advanced
prices 20 cents a day is enough for food.
And I will add that the man who will
confine himself to this amount, spending
it on real food and chewing this thorough
ly, will be healthier, more cheerful and
capable of more work than he ever was
before he adopted rnv principles. And he
will continue to grow stronger as he
grows older."
United States government statisticians
and a score of scientific theorists are :
ready with figures from which each in
quirer may deduce a private opinton. It
Is shown that for nearly ten years now
food, clothing, lodging, fuel, even amuse
ments, have been rising steadily in price.
On the average It co«ts one-third more to
live here or in any big city or town In
1907 than It did in 1900— and still the end is
not in sight.
Purchasing power of SI In 1900:
Purchasing power of $t In 1907:
Wages of laborer In 1909:
Wages of the laborer In 1907 (one
tenth increase):
Outside of the factory or foundry
classes, the average wage-earner, the
clerk, etc.. Is no better off now In the mat
ter of salary than he was in 1900. Rail
road hands are making more money, but
persons employed in ordinary outdoor la
bor are earning the same as they did seven
years ago. Thus a very large proportion
of the people, especially In New York,
have had to bear the full force of the
marked increase in the cost of living in
the last few years. In consequence it is
estimated their saving power has been
seriously impaired.
According to a calculation made by an
expert in such matters "prosperity" has
cost New Yorkers about as follows;
Increase in rents, per year.$12,000,000
Increase in cost of food, per year 80,000,000
Enhanced cost of clothing .&,000,000
Increase in cost of luxuries.100.000,000
Added price of fuel . 20.000,000
Grand total .$237,000,000
Thus the added burden or this city
amounts to over a quarter of * billion of
dollars annually.
Rents have gone up in the loot two years
at least $2 per month per family. Food
has gone up at least $20 per year per in
dividual. nothing has risen fully $6 per
year per individual. Every family in this
city now pays $5 per year more for coal.
In the matter of "luxuries" there is no
accurate basis for estimating, but the sum
of $100,000,000 is considered conservative.
The term includes a wide range of expend
itures—autos, trips to Europe, wine sup
I pers. theater parties, expensive furniture,
gowns, wraps, costly and dainty foods and
| entertainments. It is the universal tes
1 timony of those who are in contact with
the better classes in New York that they
have been spending more lavishly in the
last ten years than ever before In the
memory of the present generation. The
exodus to Europe for the last several sum
mers has been unprecedented. It needs
but a casual tour through the hotel and
theatrical district of this city at night to
make it clear that almost everybody who
has money to spend Is spending it with
princely bounteousness and seemingly
wltho it thought of the consequences.
The lowering of the purchasing price ol
money to the extent of 33M» per pent, hai
had a tremendous effect upon all except
the well-to-do. Here are the price* 1:
cent. According to a statement made te
the World by Conron Bros., beef, lamb
mutton and pork now cost New Yorkers a.‘
least a cent a pound more than a year ago
Turkeys will be higher this Thanksgiving
than last, and ducks may cost 3 cents a
pound more. Chickens and fowl are n«
higher than last year, and may go lower
Here is the cost of a Thanksgiving fam
ily dinner in New York for 1907, as com
pared with 1906:
1907. 1906
Turkey .$3.75 $3.5*
Sauce and dressing.40 .3<
Vegetables .45 .31
Pie and cake .75 .5t
Cigars and refreshments . 2.00 1.64
Total .$7.35 $6.?
WHY NOT CARRY
LESS BAGGAGE?
Suit Cases, Grips and Hand*
bags Becoming a Nuisance
on the Trolley.
From the New York Sun.
At this time of the year when people are
returning from the country you hear loud
denunciations of the man who Invented
the suit case.
The suitcase is omnipresent. In the
trolley cars it has the right of way. For
the time being trolley cars which tap rail
road terminals are practically baggage
cars.
The other day a car starting from, the
West Forty-second street ferry was so
crowded with baggage that at one point
in the aisle there was less than four inches
of clear space between the towers of suit
cases piled in front of their owners. Peo
ple each carrying a suitcase continued to
charge on the car.
“Move up!" the wilted looking conductor
said perfunctorily.
Well he knew that to move up in that
car without doing athletic stunts was an
Impossibility. Several nimble passengers
good naturedly dkl try to scale the im
peding towers, but a woman refused to
scale anything and protested that she
could not squeeze through four inches of
aisle.
“Why do you allow so much baggage in
the car?” she asked tartly as the conduc
tor struggled* to collect farea.
“Can't help £t. ma’am,” was the answer.
“Can’t help it!” growled the woman’s
companion. “There ought to be a rule
prohibiting the carrying of what is practi
cally a trunk Into the surface cars.”
The man looked as he spoke at a woman
seated near the front of the car. A young
man had assisted her into the car and
vanished. How she would ever get out
again without assistance was a problem.
Her baggage consisted of two big paste
board boxes strapped together and to
gether equal in s!ze of a trunk. Besides,
the woman held on her knees a large
leather grip. Opposite her was a man with
a huge suitcase and a Gladstone bag
perched on top of It.
i “Before the suitcase became so popular,"
said a passenger who was trying to find
a vacant spot to plant hi« left foot, “it wag
a whole lot easier to get In and out the
surface cars even when the vacation
crowds were thickest. Grips, handbags,
even the old fashioned valise with bulging
sides could bo held on the lap in an
emergency and nobody but the owner suf
fered, whereas to hold a suitcase in one’s
arms Is a stiff proposition.”
There is a rule, the conductor admitted,
which debar* passengers from carrying
anything which may be a nuisance to oth
er passengers, but he did not seem to
think the suitcase was in that class.
“Sure, lots of folks I know never use a
trunk any rqore.” he said. “They man
age with two or three big suitcases and lri
that way save paying express charges.
“Says I the other day to a lady with a
telescope suitcase stuffed out till it bulged
half way across the aisle. ‘Madam, yer
package is too big to carry into a car,’ and
she answered, quick as a flash, ‘If I can
carry it it’s not too big to take any
where. So there you are.
“Had 1 said any more she would have
complained to the management and said
1 was insulting. Whenever conductors try
to enforce any rule the public always say
they are insulting.”
From the Washington Herald.
A 550 nat is a conceit.
A $30 hat is a confection.
A $2 hat is a sin and a shame and a
perfect justification for going home
i S tu mother.
« «
j MIX THIS YOURSELF
______
!
| CIVES RECIPE FOR SIMPLE HOME'
MADE KIDNEY CURE.
I
j inexpensive Mixture of Blnrmleaa
Vegetable Ingredient* Maid to
Overcome Kidney and Bladder
Trouble Promptly and Cure Hheu«
matlirn.
Here Is a simple home-made mix
ture as given by an eminent authority
on Kidney diseases, who makes tbs
statement In a New York daily news
paper, that it will relieve almost any
case of Kidney trouble if taken oe
fore the stage of Bright's disease. He
states that such symptoms as lame
back, pain hi the side, frequent Jesire
to urinate, especially at night; painful
and discolored urination, are readily
overcome. Here is the recipe; try it:
Fluid Extract Dandelion, one-half
ounce: Compound Kargon, one ounce;
Compound Syrup Sarsaparilla, three
ounces. Take a teaspoonful after each
meal and at bedtime
A well-known physician Is authority
that these ingredients are all harmless
and easily mixed at home hy shaking
well In a bottle. This mixture has a
peculiar healing and soothing effect
upon the entire Kidney and Urinary
structure, and often overcomes the
worst forms of Ulieumatisig in just a
little while. This mixture is said
remove all blood disorders and cure
the Rheumatism hy forcing the Kid
'■'•f? to nit-r and strain from the blood
and system all uric acid and foul, de
composed waste matter, which cause
the afflictions. Try It if you aren’t
well. Save the prescription.
Why Jimmy Didn’t Sit Down.
The woman who had stopped until
the closing gong tiad sounded stood at
the transfer station and awaited the
suburban trolley.
“What," she wearily asked herself,
“does it protit a woman if she does
gain the elusive bargain and loses ev
ery trace of physical freshness?"
Presently the car came along. It
had the usual fringe of humanity
strung along the running-board, and
the woman resignedly prepared to
stand between the seats, when a grimy
youth arose and tendered her his place.
Protesting faintly, she sank into it
guiltily, and registered a vow never to
shop overtime again,
In due time several seats were va
cated, and the woman looked hope
fully toward her knight.
"Jimmy,” a friend of his was saying,
“there’s room inside now. Why don’t
you sit down ?”
And the last drop of discomfort was
added to the woman’s cup of humilia
tion when Jimmy responded:
’’Aw, what’s the use? No sooner I'll
get me legs stretched when another
tired old hen will get on and I’ll have
to hop up!”
Had Done Enough*
In a western Kentucky town Ben Wat
son had saved the life of Myra Under
hill. Miss Underhill had been over
turned in a creek with a swift current,
and the act of young Watson was a
very heroic one. He had saved the life
of the girl after she was sinking for
the third time, and had- barely strength
to pull himself and the young woman
to shallow water.
The news soon spread-, and Ben Wat
son was hailed as the real, live hero of
the village.
Aunt Tabby Wilson* the oldest wom
»n> in the village, the mother of the lit
tle colony, was loud in praise of the
heroism of the young man, and at once
declared that Ben and Myra must get
married. "Ben saved’ Myry’s life," she
said, "and now they must marry and
be happy ever afterward, just as they
do it in the storybooks.”
But Ben demurred; the arrangement
did not suit him. says Harper’s Week
ly.
"Why not marry Myry, Ben?" said
the old lady. "She is yours* and wo
must have a wedding.”
"She is a nice girl, all right,” replied
Ben. “but I don’t think we oughter
narry. Seems to me,” he went on, “I
lave done enough ijor Myry.”
A fool never finds out anything ex
cept when people are busiest.
SICK HEADACHE
Pmlthelfwiri k)
' these Little Pills.
They also relieve Dh>
trees from Dyspepsia, la
digestion and Tbo Heartj
Bating. A perfect rem>
edy lor Dimness. Nausea
Drowsiness. Bad Tastt
In the Month. Coated
Tongue, Pain tn the Blda
TORPID LIVER. TbflJ
regulate the Bonk. Purely Vegetable.
SMALL PILL SMALL DOSE. SHALL PRICE,
Genuine Must Bear
Fac-Simile Signature
REFUSE SUBSTITUTES.
Don’t Push jj|
The horse can draw the JlgM
load without help, if you jWK
reduce friction to almost /fll
nothing by applying fJEfjff*
M i caAxl€^$i
to the wheels. / BYyfij
No other lubri- VC
cant ever made T JMH
wears so long f jjMffmi
and saves so much t lfVf n
horsepower. Next time / Arm/
try Mica Axle Grease. o/
Standard OH Co. SB_ilAB
liMrportkd
! i “WANT A CALIFORNIA PIE?” ♦
Your* for the asking. Just drop i
' . a postal with your name and ad- i
dress :o ,
: CALIFORNIA CORPORATION. «
I. and J. birec.ts, Sacramento, Cal. :
...*4