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About The frontier. (O'Neill City, Holt County, Neb.) 1880-1965 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 8, 1906)
Not the Same. •Tie not the same, the garb she wear®. As when the summer skies were bright. Ko more the flimsy fabric dares Tho sun to speed his shafts of light. •The style Is Jaunty, yet severe. And somehow when she speaks a name It sounds peculiarly severe— In sooth, she's not at all the same. iAnd her complexion, once . o tanned, Is faintly blushing as the rose; *The tapering of her b-nder hand A different ring doth now disclose, ©ho starts her letters with “Dear Jack” 'Twas “Ned" who formerly could claim Che missives that she wrote. Alack! There’s nothing that is quite the same! —Washington Star. 2 THE BEST COUGHjCURE 4 y A well-known Rochester lady 1 4 says: "I stayed in the Adirondacks, 4 • away from friends and home, two • y winters before I found that by 1 L taking 4 1 Kemp’s Balsam l 5 I could subdue the cough that ? y drove me away from home and J w seemed likely to never allow me « 2 to live there in winter.” y Kemp’s Balsam will cure any / % cough that can be cured by any L 2 medicine. f / Sold by all dealers at 35c. and 50c. / •CSl*r\)tC\)MCSMCMt(S>« There Is no satisfaction keener than being dry / / / and comfortable •' ' ** when out in the /, hardest storm. YOU ARE SURE OF THIS IF YOU WEAR 'h WATERPROOF.//, OILED / CLOTHING BLACK OR YELLOW 7' On sale everywhere * town co nosrrtu u 1 Al The Canadian West is the Best West The testimony of tens of thousands during tho tast year is that the Canadian West is the best Vest. Year by year the agricultural returns lave,increased in volume and in value, and still the Canadian < iovernment otters 160 acres free to •very bona ride settler. Some of the Advantages The phenomenal increase in railway mileage— main lines and branches—has put almost every portion of the country within easy reach of (lurches, schools, markets, cheap fuel and every •modern convenience. The NINETY MILLION BUSHEL WHEAT .(fROP of this year means 560,000,000 to tho fcrmers of Western Canada, apart from tho -tesults of other grains and cattle. For advice and information address the --Superintendent of Immigration, Ottawa, Canada, **r the authorized Canadian Government .\geut, W. D. Scott, Superintendent of Immigration, Ottawa. Canada, or E. T. Holmes, 315 Jackson .St.,St. Paul, Minn.: J. M. MacLacnlan, Box 116 "Watertown, South Dakota, and W. V. Bennett, lot New York Life Building, Omaha, Neb., Aathorized Government Agents JPJmm say where you u« this advertisement. ■* *£,*lve CATARRH fly's Cream Balm gippum?H l> quickly ab<ort)«d. BSSB|■S^te&W'S.1: » 1 <5iwt Rdi«t at One.. <R ft It cleanses, soothes beats and protects Vug y 4^>® a the disojiaed mem- K«L, S bro.no. It cures Ca. BaK|| ta-rh and drives away a Cold in the Iskiy \ J-'rcv) ',WS<^V Bead quickly, lie- UflW peifFQ •tores the Senses of l*n • # tot lLw8 8 Baste and Smell. Full size 60cts., at DruR (is‘s or by mail; Trial Size 10 cts. by mail. Kir Brothera.56 Warruu Street. Now Yorl. W. L. DOUGLAS •3.50&’3.00 Shoes BEST IN THE WOR‘.Q •HOES FOR EVERYBODY AT ALL PRICEr, Ufa's Shoes, $5 to $1.50. Boys’ Oh003, $3 to $1.25. Women's Shoes. $4.00 to $1.50. Hiss-s’ Sc Children's Shoos. $2.25 to $1.00. Try W. L.. Dougins Uoineu'n, Misses and iliUdren'd shoes; for style, fit and near they excel other makes. If 1 could take you into my large factories at Brockton, Mass..and show you how carefully W.L. Douglas shoe; are made, you would then understand why they hold their shape, fit better, wear longer, and are cf greater value than any other make. Wherever you live, you can obtain W. L Douglas shoes, his name and price Is stamfc: «n the bottom, which protects you against higi prices and Interior shoes. Take no substi. lute. Ask your dealer tor W. L. Douglas shoo «nd Insist upon having them. fast Color Eyelets used; they will not wear brassy Write for Illustrated Catalog of Fall Styles. W. L. DODO LAS, Dept. 14, Brockton. Mass And now T see all the smooth frauds, I all the weak people who never have i purposes or passions worthy of the* • name, all the finicky finger-dusting I gn try with the "fin * souls,” who Hat ter themselves that their timidity Is the I squcnniirhnera of superior sensibilities —I see all these feeble folk fluttering I their feeble fingers in horror of me. I ‘‘The brute!” they cry; "the bounder!” ! Well, I accept the names quite cheer fully. Those are the epithets the wishy washy always hurl at tin.* strong; they put me In the small and truly arlstro I cratic class of men who do. I proud j 1 y avow myself no subscriber to the , code that was made by the shearers i to encourage the she -p to keep on being I nice docile animals, trotting meekly up ! to be shorn or slaughtered as their inas | ters may decide. I harm no man, and no woman; but neither do I pause to I weoy fiver any man or any woman who ! Hings himself or herself upon my steady spear. I try to be courteous and con I sid< rate to all; but I do not stop when some fellow who has something that be longs to im* shouts "Rude!” at me to sheer me off. At the same time her delicate beauty, her quiet, distinctive, high-bred man ner, had thrust it home to me that in certain respects I was Ignorant and crude—as who would not have been, brought up as was I? I knew there was, somewhere between my roughness of the uncut individuality and the smoothness of th? planed and sand papered nonentity of her "set,” a mean better than either, better because more efficient. When this was clear to me I sent for my trainer. He was one of those spare, wiry Englishmen, with skin like tanned and painted hide—brown except where the bones seem about to push their sharp angles through, and there a frosty, winter apple red. He dressed like a Deadwooil gambler, he talked like a stable boy; but for all that, you couldn’t fall to see he was a gentleman born and bred. Yes, he was a gentle man, though lie mixed profanity Into his ordinary How of conversation more liberally than did I when In a rage. I stood up before him, threw my coat hack, thrust my thumbs into my trous ers pockets and slowly turned about like a ready-made tailor's dummy. "Monson,” said I, "what do you think of me?” He looked me over as lr l were a horse he was about to buy. "Sound, I'd say." was his verdict. "Good wind uncommon good wind. A goer, and a Btayer. Not a lump. Not a hair out of plnce." lie laughed. "Action a hit high perhaps—for the track. But a grand reach.” "I know all that." sakl I. “You miss my point. Suppose you wanted to en ter me for—say, the Society sweep stakes—what then?” "Urn—um," he muttered reflectively. "That’s different." "Don't I look—sort of—new—as If the varnish was still sticky and might come off on the ladles’ dresses and on the {lne furniture. “Oh—that!” said he dubiously. "But nil those kinds of things are matters of taste.” "Out with itl" I commanded. “Don’t be afraid. I’m not one of those damn fools that ask for criticism when they want only flattery, as you ought to know by this time. I’m aware of my good points, know how good they are better than anybody else In the world. And I suspect my weak points—always did. I’ve got on chiefly because I made people tell me to my face what they'd rather have grinned over behind my back.” "What’s your game?” asked Monson. •‘I'm In the dark.” “I’ll tell you, Monson. I hired you to train horses. Now 1 want to hire you to train me. too. As it's double work, It’s double pay.” “Kay on,” said he, “and say it slow.” ”1 want to marry,” I explained. ”1 want to Inspect all the offerings before I decide. You are to train me so that I can go among the herds that’d shy off from me If I wasn’t on to their little ways.” He looked suspiciously at me, doubt less thinking this some new develop ment of "American humor.” "I mean It,” I assured him. "I'm go ing to train, and train hard. I’ve got no time to lose. I must he on my way down the aisle Inside of three months. I give you a free hand. I'll do just what you say.” "The Job's out of my line," he pro tested. "I know better,” said I. “I’ve always seen the parlor under the stable In you. We’ll begin right away. What do you think of these clothes?” "Well—they're not exactly noisy,” he said. “But—they're far from silent. That waistcoat-” He stopped and gave me another nervous, timid look. He found It hard to believe a man of my sort, so self assured, would stand the truth from a man of his second fiddle sort. ■ uo on: i commanded. speak out! Mowbray Lnngdon had on one twice as loud the other day at the track." "Hut, perhaps you'll remember, It was only his waistcoat that was loud— not be himself. Now, a man of your manner and voice and—you've got a look out of the eyes that’d wake the dead all by itself. People can feel you coming before they hear you. When they feel and hear and see all together •—it’s like a brass band In scarlet uni form, with a seven-foot, sky-blue drum major. If your hair wasn’t so black and your eyes so steel-blue and sharp, and your teeth so big and strong and white, and your Jaw such a—such a— jaw-" "I see the point,” said I. And I did. "You’ll find you won't need to tell me many things twice. I've got a busy day before me here; so we'll have to sus pend this until you come to dine with me at 8—at my rooms. I want you to put In the time well. Go to my house in the country and then up to my apartment; take my valet with you; look through all my belongings—shirts, ties, socks, trousers, waistcoats, clothes of every kind. Throw out every rag you think doesn't fit In with what I want to be. How's my grammar?" I was proud of it; I had been taking more or less pains with my mode of speech for a dozen years. "Rather too good," said he. "But that's better than making the breaks that aren't regarded as good form." “Good form!” I exclaimed. "That’s it! That's what I want! What does 'good form’ mean?” He laughed. “You can search me,” said he. "I could easier tell you—any thing else. It's what everybody rec ognizes on sight, and nobody knows how to describe it. It’s llkti the dlf 1 ference between a cultivated 'Jimson' | weed and a wild one.” | “Like the difference between Mow bray Langdon and me," I suggested . good-naturedly. "How about my man utrs?" "Not so bad," s&ld he. "Not mo rot ten h;i(J, Hut—wr.eu you're polite, you’re a 11!tl« •«> polite. when you'' -' :>or po lite yon —” “St i - -1•* T from too p 1 atr' ly?” sac! 1 '•Speak rig-,,-. < 11 goo ; end hud ire I u,o fo>- ’good form ?’ ‘‘You needn’t hother about that," lie assured me. ‘’S ; whateve: comes into your head—only, be sure the right sort of thli.'i comes Into your head. Don't talk . jo much about yourself, for lo'd.ncc. It's good form to think ■ bout ycirs'Mf all the '.line, It’s bad form to let people see it—In year talk. Say as ’ 1111. as possible your business and about what you" e got. Don’t be lavish \vf*b the I's and the my’s.” "That’s harder,' .eld I. "I’m a ma who has always mi ’ led his own bust nest, and oared for nothing else. Wlia“ could I talk about, ea icpt myself?” "Blest if I know,” replied he. ’’Where you want to go, the cist thing people mind is their own business—in talk, at least. But you’ll go! on all rlghi If you don’t worry too . iuch about ' You’ve got natural independence, ar.l an original way of putting things .vnd common sense. Don’t b« afraid." "Afraid!" said X. "X never knew what it was to be afraid." "Your nerve'll curry you through," he assured me. "WervfT. '..ike a man anywhere." "You never said a ti c - thing In your life,” said I. "It'll take him wherever he wants, and, after he’s there, It’ll get him whatever he wants.” And with that, I. thinking of my plans and of how sure I was of suc cess, began to march up and down the office with my chest thrown out—until I caught myself at It. That stopped me, set me off in a laugh at my own expense, he. joining In with a kind of heartiness I did not like, though I did not venture to check him. So ended the first lesson—the first of a long series. I soon saw that Mon son was being most useful to me—-far more useful than If he were a "perfect gentleman" with nothing of the track and stable and bark stairs about him. Being a sort of betwixt and between, he could appreciate my needs as they could not have been appreciated by a fellow who had never lived in the rough-aml-tumble I had fought my way up through. And being at bottom a real gentleman, and not one of those nervous, snobbish make-believes, he wasn't so busy trying to hide his own deficiencies from me that he couldn’t teach mo anything. He wasn’t afraid of being found out, as Sam—or per haps, even Langdon—would have been in the samo circumstances. I wonder If there is another country where so many gentlemen and ladles are horn, or another where so many of them have their natural gentility educated out of them? VIII. ON THE TRAIL OP LANGDON. I had Monson with me twice each week-day—early In the morning and again after business hours until bed time. Also he spent the whole of ev ery Saturday and Sunday with me. He developed astonishing dexterity as a teacher, and as soon as he realized that I had no false pride and was thor oughly in earnest he handled me with out gloves—like a boxing teacher who finds that his pupil has the grit of a professional. It was easy enough for me to grasp the theory of my new bus iness—it was nothing more than "Be natural." But the rub came in mak ing myself naturally of the right sort. I had—as I suppose every man of in telligence and decent instincts has—a disposition to be friendly and simple. But my manner was by nature what you might call abrupt. My not very easy task was to learn the subtle dif ference between the abrupt that injects a tonic Into social intercourse, and the abrupt that makes the other person shut up with a feeling of having been insulted. Then, there was the matter of good taste in conversation. Monson found, as I soon saw, that my everlasting self assertiveness was beyond cure. As I said to him: "I'm afraid you might easier succeed in reducing my chest measure." But we worked away at it, and perhaps my readers may discover even in this narrative, though it is nec essarily egotistic, evidence of at least an honest effort not to be badly boast ful. Monson would have liked to make of me a self-deprecating sort of per son—such as he was himself, with the result that the other fellow always got the prize and he got left. But I would have none of it. "How are people to know about you, if you don't tell ’em?" I argued. "Don't you yourself admit that men take a man at his own valuation less a slight discount, and that women take him at his own valuation plus an allowance for his supposed modesty?" “Cracking yourself up Is vulgar, nevertheless," declared the English man. “It's the chief reason why we on the other side look on you Amer icans as a lot of vulgarians—’’ "And are in awe of our superior cleverness,” I put in. He laughed. "Well, do the best you can," said he. “Only, you really must not brag and swagger, and you must get out of the habit of talking louder than any one else.” In the matter of dress, our task was easy. I had a fancy for bright colors and" for strong contrasts; bat I know I never indulged in clashes and discords. It was simply that in clothes 1 had the same taste as in pictures—the taste that made me prefer Rubens to Rem brandt. We cast out of my wardrobe everything in the least doubtful; and I gave away my jeweled canes, my pins and links and buttons for shirts and waistcoats except plain gold and DEBTS OF OUR YOUTH. "T^ell, here, then. Billy, I’ll lend yei itiree puffs till Tuesday.” I pearls. I even left off the magnificent ! diamond I had worn for years on my : little finger—but I didn’t give away ' that stone; I put it by for resetting ! into an engagement ring. However, ’ wh n I was as quietly dressed as it | was possible for a gentleman to be, I he stiil studied me dubiously, when he thou'.'tit 1 \ '■ n’t seeing him. And 1 re-all that he said once: "It’s your face, Blacklock. If you could only manage to look less like a Spanish bull I dashing into the ring, gazing joyfully : about for somebody to gore and toss!” i "nut I can't,’’ said I. “And I would ; n't if I could—because that’s me!" . One Saturday h • brought a dancing master down to my country place— Dawn Hill, which I bought of the Du • roont estate and completely remod eled. I saw what the man’s business ! was the instant I looked at him. I left him in the hali and took Monson into my dert. “Not ft r me!” I protested. "There’s where I draw the line.'' "You don't understand," he urged. “This fellow, this Alphonse T.yneh, out in the hall there, isn’t going to teach you dancing so that you may dance, but so that you shall he less awk ward in strange company.” "My walk suits me,” said I. “And I don't fall over furniture or trip peo ple up." “True enough,” he answered. "But ! . i haven't the complete control of .; r body that'll make you uncon i si-bus of it when you're suddenly shot | Vv a butler into a room full of people ; - ,u suspect of being unfitendly and | critical.” Not until he used his authority as trainer-ln-full-charge, did I yield. It may seem absurd to some for a seri ous man like me solemnly to caper about in imitation of a scraping, grim- I acing French-Irishman; but Monson ] was -Ight, and I haven’t in the least minded the ridicule he has brought on me by tattling this and the other things everywhere, since he turned against me. It’s nothing new under the sun for the crowds of chuckleheads to laugli whore they ought to applaud; their habit is to laugh and to applaud In the wrong places. There’s no part of my career that I'm prouder of than the whole of this thorough course of education in the trifles that are yet not trifles. To have been Ignorant Is no disgrace; the disgrace comes when 1 one persists in ignorance and glories in it. Yet those who make the most pre- | tensions In this topsy-turvy of a world I regard it as a disgrace to have been 1 obscure and Ignorant, and pride them selves upon their persistence In their own kind of obscurity and ignorance! 1 No wonder the few strong men do about as they please with such a race of mlscompoopery. If they didn’t grow old and tired, what would they not do? All this time I was giving myself—or thought I was giving myself—chiefly to my business, as usual. I know now that the new Interests had In fact crowded the things down town far into the background, had Impaired my judg ment, had suspended my common sense; but I had no Inkling of this then. The most Important matter that was occupying me down town was pushing Textile up toward par. Lang don's doubts, little though they influ enced me, still made enough of an im pression to cause me to test the mar ket. I sold for him at ninety, as he had directed; I sold in quantity every day. But no matter how much I un loaded, the price showed no tendency to break. “This," said I to myself, “Is a testi monial to the skill with which I pre pared for my bull campaign.” And that seemed to me—all unsuspicious as I then was—a sufficient explanation of i the steadiness of the stock which I had worked to establish in the public confidence. I felt that, If my matrimonial plans should turn out as I confidently ex pected, I should need a much larger fortune than I had—for I was deter mined that my wife should have an establishment second to none. Accord ingly. I enlarged my original plan. I had intended to keep close to Langdon in that plunge; I believed I controlled the market, but I hadn’t been in Wall street twenty years without learning that the worst thunderbolts fall from cloudless skies. Without being in the least suspicious of Langdon, and sim ply acting on the general principle that surprise and treachery are part of the code of high finance, I had prepared to guard, first, against being taken in the rear by a secret change of plan on Langdon’s part, and, second, against being involved and overwhelmed by a sudden secret attack on him from some j associate of his who might think he ; had laid himself open to successful | raiding. The market is especially dangerous toward Christmas and in the spring— toward Christmas the big fellows of ten juggle the stocks to get the money for their big Christmas gifts and alms; toward spring the motive Is. of course, the extra summer expenses of their families and the commencement gifts to colleges. It was now late in the spring. I abandoned caution and rushed In boldly, feeling that the market was, In general, safe and that Textile was under iny control—and that I was one of the kings of high finance, with my lucky star In the zenith. I decided to continue my bull campaign on my own account for two weeks after I had un loaded for Langdon, to continue it un til the stock was at par. I had no dlf flculty in pushing it up to ninety-sev en, and I was not alarmed when I found myself loaded up with It, quoted at ninety-eight for the preferred and thirty for the common. I assumed that I was practically its only supporter and that it would slowly settle back as I slowly withdrew my support. To my surprise, the stock did not yield immediately under my efforts to depress it. I sold more heavily; Tex tile continued to show a tendency to rise. I sold still more heavily; it broke a point or two, then steadied and rose again. Instead of sending out along my secret lines for inside infor mation, as I should have done, and would have done had I not been in a state of hypnotized Judgment—I went to Langdon! I who had been studying those scoundrels for twenty-odd years, and dealing directly with and for thenj for ten yeais! (Continued Next Week.) Safe. From Harper’s Weekly. An official In the land office ut Washing ton relates how Dr. Whipple, for a long time bishop of Minnesota, once undertook to hold religious services near an Indian village in one of the western states. It appears that the bishop’s effects were scattered about the ’’lodge,’’ and, when about to go it, he asked the chief if it were Safe to leave them here while he went to the village for the service. ’’Plenty safe,” grunted the Indian; "no white man In a hundred miles from here. True—True. "Secret marriages are no good. You can't possibly conceal them very long." "Oh. 1 don't know-” "No. you don’t. As soon as a di vorce Is applied for Its all bound to j come out." Apropos of a Drink. From the Princeton Tiger. Boggs—How has tile world been treating you? Hoggs—Not often enough, old mttn. He Had Paid for AIT. The English custom of free seats and 1 collection plates in church Is puzzling to continental visitors. In Roman Catholic ; countries it is usual to make a small pay ment on entering a church. A Frenchman on a visit to Manchester not long ago, ac cording to the Guardian, attended services in one of the parish churches. With him was a party of English friends. The for eigner was seated at the outer end of the pew. The plate came around in due course, and the visitor was the first to deposit a coin in It. The collector was about to pass the plate along to his Eng lish friends when the Frenchman inter posed: "Ah, no. I have paid for all tho seats." jGffiilfaP Thousands o f li V women suffer dally languor, nervous J ness and a dozen » h other symptoms of \Will Ksgr kidney trouble, but /JM causes. Make no ffl/j B yy mistake. Keep the I i»V\ kidneys well, and vifj'l BA these aches and mSjj /1 * troubles will disap lll) Mrs. Anthony Cadrette, 77 Me chanic St., Leominster, Mass., says: “My sight failed, I had sharp pain in my back and bearing-down pains through the hips. I was nervous, fret ful and miserable. The urine was greatly disordered and I began to have the swellings of dropsy. I was running down fast when I started using Doan’s Kidney Tills. A wonderful change came and after using them faithfully for a short time I was well.” Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster-Milburn Co., Uuffalo, N. Y. Credentials All Right. Mrs. Tiptop—Horrors! Engaged to that man? Are you crazy? He made his money in trade! Miss Tiptop—Oh, no, ma; he used to be a New York politician, and he stole it. Mrs. Tiptop—Oh. That’s different. The Ideal Family Laxative is one that can be used by the entire family, young and old, weak and strong, without any danger of harmful effects. It should have properties which insure the same dose always having the same effect, otherwise the quantity will have to be increased and finally lose its effect alto gether. These properties can be found in that old family remedy, Brandreth’s Bills, because its ingredients are of the purest herbal extracts, and every pill is kept for three years before being sold, which al lows them to mellow. We do not Believe there is a laxative on the market that is 60 carefully made. Brandreth’s Bills are the same fine lax ative tonic pill your grandparents used. They have been in use for over a century and are sold in every drug store and medi cine store, either plain or sugar-coated. GOOD OLD CHARLEY. Old Charley was in his stall He had a pan of oats before him. Charley was sleek and fat. He was the pride of his master, Tony Petrino. He was the pet of 4-year-old Anna and her mother. Charley’s master was a contractor and it was Charley’s work to haul bricks. Tony Petrino went to the barn after breakfast. Anna went with him. Charley neighed as he heard them come. Anna had an apple in her hand. She slipped into the stall and held the apple up to Charley. “It isn’t very nice,” she said. “There are specks in it, but you won’t mind, Charley." Charley put his head down and took the apple at one mouthful. Anna laughed. “He likes specked apples,” she cried. Tony brought Charley out into the yard. "Are you going to drive him?” asked Anna. “No, I’m going to curry him.” The curry comb and brush slipped over Charley’s sides. Anna watched them a few' minutes. Then she ran off to play. Tony Petrino finished smooth ing Charley’s coat. He threw down some hay for the horse and then walked to w-ork. Near Anna’s home in Jersey City is a canal. Anna spent the morning there. There were other girls and boys at play. The girls picked up little stones and threw them Into the water. The boys were making boats of wood. They put them into the canal. Anna watched the children. She ran along the stream beside the boats. One boat ran against the shore. Anna leaned over the bank to see it. The bank was slippery. Splash! She fell into the water. “Oh, oh! Mother! Mother!” cried the little girl. “Help, help! Anna will drown,” called the children. Anna's mother heard her. Somebody else had seen Anna fall and heard her scream. It was Char ley. He had strayed from the yard He went swiftly toward the canal and straight to Anna. The girl’s dress floated upon the wa ter. Charley seized it in his teeth. He gave a steady pull and lifted Anna out. The water ran in streams from her dress as he laid her gently on the bank. Mrs. Petrino picked Anna up and held her in her arms. Anna began to sob. “My little girl is safe,” her mother said. “She will soon he in the house and have some dry clothes on. She must not cry.” When Anna heard her mother speak she became quiet. Mrs. Petrino hur ried home. Charley walked beside her. Now and then he put his nose to An na’s dress as if to make sure she was quite safe. Mrs. Petrino put out one hand to put his neck. “Good, old Charley," she said; "I’m proud of you." Charley laid back his ears and rubbed her sleeve. “We will give him all the apples he can eat, won’t we?’ said Anna. Site had been too frightened to speak be fore. Mrs. Petrino carried Anna into the house. Site soon tucked her In bed. When Tony Petrino came home that night his wife told him how Charley took Anna from the canal. “I will never sell Charley now,” he said. “No, not for his cart full of gold.” —Little Chronicle. Will It Be Ever Thus? From the Brooklyn Life. First Angel—“What’s the matter with that spirit in the seventh heaven?” Second Angel—“He complains that the Bpirlt in the Bixth heaven won’t atop i>rac tlsing his harp " Sunday School Teacher—If angry with another little boy, what should you do before speaking. Tommy? Tommy—Sit on him and then count a hundred. An Avaricious Lawyer. From the Detroit Free Press. “How much money will you get for de fending that client?” asked a friend. “Don’t know,” replied the lawyer. “De pends on how much he's got. We'll get all he has.” This Will Interest mothers. Mother Gray’s Sweet Powders for Chil dren, used by Mother Gray, a nurse In Chil dren’s Home, New York, cure Constipation, Feverishness, Teething Disorders, Stomach Troubles and Destroy Worms; 30.000 testi monials of cures. All druggists. 25c. Sam ple Fkee. Address Allen S. Olmsted, Le Hoy, N. Y. Satan’s Relative. Jones stayed out late o’ nights and came home In a very maudlin state. Mrs. Jones thought out a brilliant plan for bringing about his reform. One morning early she wrapped hereelf in a sheet, pulled a pillow slip over her head and, stepping Into the hall just as Jones entered, thundered in awful tones, “I am the devil!” “Shake, oV man,” said Jones, “I’m brother-in-law o’ yours, married your oldes’ sishter.” I There Is more Catarrh in this section of the country than all other diseases put to gether, and until the last few years was supposed to be incurable. For a great many t years doctors pronounced It a local disease and prescribed local remedies, and by con stantly falling to cure with local treatment, pronounced it Incurable. Science has prov en catarrh to be a constitutional disease and therefore requires constitutional treat ment. Hall’s Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, Ohio, Is the only constitutional cure on the market, tl Is taken Internally In doses from 10 drops to a teaspoonful. It acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. They offer one hundred dollars for any case It falls to cure. Send for circulars and tes timonials. Address F. J. CHENEY <fc CO., Toledo, O. Sold by Druggists, 75c. Take Hall’s Family Pills for constipation. A Hundred-to-One Shot. At the racetrack at Oakland. Cal., during the early part of last season, R-n. a well known jockey, was thrown and badly injured. The doctors, in consultation, decided that an imme diate operation was necessary to save the boy’s life. On being informed of this, the injured one was asked what his chances were, and was told: About one in ten if we operate.” “And if you don’t operate. Doc?” “Well, about one in a hundred.” “Sort of in God’s hands, ain’t it?” “Why, certainly,” admitted the sur prised M. D. A contented grin touched the jockey’s pale lips and twinkled in his shrewd eyes. “Well say. Doc, I guess I’d rather play a hundred to one shot with Him in the saddle than a ten to one with you fellows up. Just let her go. Doc.” She went. The long shot won and R-n is again riding winners at the old place. Consolation for the Artist. From the Youth’s Companion. The lato Lord Leighton, president of the Royal Academy, once had a chance to learn something about himself that per haps he had not suspected. His chance came to him at a picture gallery, where his painting “Helen of Troy” was on ex hibition. He joined a group of ladies who were standing before it just in time to hear one of the number say: “It’s a horrid picture—simply horrid!** “I’m sorry, but it’s mine!” Lord Leigh ton exclaimed involuntarily. “You don't mean to say you’ve bought the thing?” questioned the same lady. "No; I—painted it,' the artist humbly re plied. The critical lady was momentarily abashed; then she said easily: “Oh, you musn’t mind what I say.” "No, indeed, you musn’t,” another be gan earnestly. “She’s only said what ev erybody else is saying!” HARD TO SEE Even When the Fuels About Coffee Are Plain. It Is curious how people will refuse to believe what one can clearly see. Tell the average man or woman that < the slow but cumulative poisonous ef fect of caffeine—the alkaloid in tea and goffee—tends to weaken the heart, up pot the nervous system and cause indi gestion and they may laugh at you if they don’t know the facts. Prove it by science or by practical demonstration In the recovery of cof fee drinkers from the above conditions, and a large per cent of the human fam ily will shrug their shoulders, take pome drugs and—keep on drinking cof fee or tea. “Coffee never agreed with me nor with several members of our house hold,” writes a lady. “It enervates, depresses and creates a feeling of lan guor and heaviness. It was only by leaving off coffee and using Postum that we discovered the cause and cure of these ills. “The only reason, I am sure, why Postum Is not used altogether to the exclusion of ordinary coffee Is. many persons do not know and do not seem willing to learn the facts anti how to prepare tills nutritious beverage. There's only one way—according to di rections—boil it fully lb minutes. Then it is delicious.” Name given by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Bead the lit tle book. “The Boad to Welivllle,” in pkga. ’There's a reason.” >