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About The frontier. (O'Neill City, Holt County, Neb.) 1880-1965 | View Entire Issue (March 1, 1906)
miarssi _ . Weekly, recount* e story of * ! —a In a Texan court, tough was the defendant, a rotes apparently husky " ths Jury some- . t _ my client Is a poor man. He ' i fey hunger and want to take a gam of messy. All that he wanted _saffldnt funds wherewith to buy bread, for tt Is fa evidence that he did not ths yoekstbook containing $500 that i bureau drawer.” Li counsel for the defense , I by the convulsive sobs of "Horn, ansa!” exclaimed ths Judge, "why are you crying sof” "Because, yonr honor,” replied the de fendant "because 1 didn't see der pocket book (a do drawer r i AWFUL PSORIASIS 35 YEARS. Terrible Scaly Humor in Patches All Over the Body—Skin Cracked and Bteadlniy—Cored by Cutlcura. "I was afflicted with psoriasis for { thlrty-flv* years. It was In patches all over my tody. 1 used three cakes of Cutlcuni top, six boxes of Ointment, and two bottles of Resolvent. In thirty days I was completely cured, and I think ymonently, as it was about live years can. Tbe psoriasis first made Its appearance In red spots, generally forming a Circle, leaving in the center a spot atont tbe size of a silver dol lar of nonad flesh. In a short time the affected circle weald form a heavy dry ecate of white silvery appearance and would gradually drop off. To remove the tefin scales by bathing or using ell to soften them the flesh would be perfectly raw, and a light discharge of bloody substance would ooze out. That scaly crust would form again In twenty-four hoars. It was worse on my anna and limbs, although It was la spots all oner my body, also ou my scalp. If 1 let tbe scales remain too long wMhost removing by bath or oth irwiae. the AIn would crack and bleed. I suffered Intense Itching, worse at nights after getting warm In bed, or blood warm by exercise, when It would be almost unbearable. W. M. Chldes ter, Hutchinson, Kan., April 20, 190.".” 1 • 1 --- Wearing Borrowed Clothe*, fm ah* New York Press. A big (SMB clothing house Is sorely pestered hr customers who ordor clothes, wear (torn at an evening reception or to the theater, eatitrii them next day and demand tfcdr money back on the ground that the fanouts do not eult. The man agemont rosesUy adopted a device like that white seals the doors of freight cars In trsusM a leaden pellet pressed on to wire er Mi fastener*. You have seen the aaase Hites an certain brands of cham pagne. ales, eta. The removal of the pel let ladloalea teat tee package has been tampered arttk. This notice la printed on the clothtag tag: "T# tone* ear customers against pur chasing clothes that may have been worn by ethmt we have appended this tag and seal. No clothing trill be exchanged, nor credit given, M this garment Is returned without tbe undisturbed seal." A Resourceful Undertaker. A certain undertaker had been called to the hem* ef e wealthy citizen. Upon j viewing the remains of the departed he 1 Discovered that the man wore a wig. which taro nos of the reclining position tell back and showed the bald head. "Madam," said the undertaker, "I see that yeerwwSbead wore a wig, and 1 pre sume It !a not generally known; so If you will kindly have a small pot of glue sent ate, t win arrange the wig so that It will ke unnetfaed/* The widow bud aa glue, so after some lelay she aggaeaahad the undertaker with j t bott> of iwellage. "Oh. never mind now,” he remarked I consolingly, “I—er—I found a tack!" Dr. Pierce’s Ftrorite Prescription i Is a powesfmlv fcevtgeraUng tonic, tm part ing health and strength in particular to the eqpems distinctly feminine. The iocsi, wwmesly health is so intimately related in the general health that when diseases of the delicate womanly organs are cured the whole body gains in health and strength. For weak and sickly women who are "worn-out,” "run-down • or debilitated. especially for women who work fa store, once or schoolroom, who eft at the typewriter or sewing machine, or bear heavy household, burdens, and (or nursing nwthnst Hr. Pierce's Favorite Preemption has proven a priceless benefit because of Its health-restoring and strength-giving powers. As a sooth fag and strengthening nerv ine. "Favorite Prescription ” is un equal** and !o Invaluable in allaying and subduing nervous excitability, Irritabil ity, nervous exhaustion, nervous prostra tion. neuralgia, hysteria, spasms, chorea, or 8L Viieriflssta and other distressing nervous symptoms commonly attendant upon functiaeal; and organic disease of the womanly oiwans. It induces refresh ing sleep ana reneves mental anxiety and despondency. Cures obstinate cases. 'Favorite Pre scription * in. a positive cure for the most complicated sod obstinate cases of "fe male weakness,” painful periods, irregu larities prolapsus or falling of the pelvic organs, weak back, bearing-down sensa tious, chronic congestion, inflammation and ulceration. Dr. Pierce’S medicines are made from harmless but efficient medical roots found growing In onr American forests. The Indians knew of the marvelous eura- I tive vaineef seme of these roots and im- I parted that knowledge to some of the friendlier white*, and gradually some of the more pragrewavr physicians came to test and use them, mad ever since they have grown in favor by reason of their superior curative virtues and their safe and harmleeequalities. Your druggists sell the "Favorite Pre ntirootr’and also that famous altera tive. Wood pari five snd stomach tonic, the 'Golden Mrsscai Discovery.” Write to Dr. Pterae about yoor case. Ho Is an experieeced physician and wiil treat your case as caendentfai and without chargA for correspondence. Address him at tns Invalids’ Hotel sud t ■- -»1 Institute, P-ufTahi, ST. Y.. of wlii.-u. b chief con sulting physician '* " "" " ~:r The Return of Sherlock Holmes BY A. CONAN DOYLE. Copyrijh). 1903, Copyrijh), 1903, by A, Conan Doylo and Colliar'a Waakly. by McClura. PHillipa A Co. \_____a_____j II.—THE ADVENTURE OF THE NORWOOD BUILDER—Continued. Holmes had picked up the pages which formed the rough draft of the will, and was looking at them with the keenest Interest upon his face. "There are some points about that document, Lestrade, are there not?” said he, pushing them over. The official looked at them with a puzzled expression. "I can read the first few lines, and these in the middle of the second page, and one or two at the end. Those are as clear as print," said he, "but the writing in between Is very bad, and there are three places where I cannot read It at all." "What do you make of that?” said Holmes. “Well, what do you make of It?" "That It was written In a train. The good writing represents stations, the bad writing movement, and the very bad writing passing over points. A scientific expert would pronounce at once that this was drawn up on a suburban line, since nowhere save in the Immediate vicinity of a great city could there be so quick a succession of points. Granting that his whole jour ney was occupied In drawing up the will, then the train was an express, only stopping once between Norwood and London Bridge." Lestrade began to laugh. "You are too many for me when you begin to get on your theories, Mr. Holmes," said he. "How does this bear on the case?” "Well, It corroborates the young man's story to the extent that the will was drawn up by Jonas Oldacre in his Journey yesterday. It Is curious—Is It not?—that a man should draw up so Important a document In so haphazard a fashion. It suggests that he did not think It was going to be of much prac tical Importance. If a man drew up a will which he did not Intend ever to be effective, he might do It so.” "Well, he drew up his own death warrant at the same time," said Les trade. "Oh, you think so?" "Don’t you?" ‘Well, It Is quite possible, but the case it not clear to me yet.” “Not clear? Well, If that Isn’t clear, what could be dear? Here is a young man who learns suddenly that. If a certain older man dies, he will succeed to a fortune. What does he do? He says nothing to anyone, but he ar ranges that he shall go out on some pretext to see his client that night. He waits until the only other person in the house Is In bed. and then In the solitude of the man’s room he mur ders him, burns Ills body In the wood pile. and departs to a neighboring hotel. The blood stains In the room and also on the stick are very slight. It Is probable that he imuglned his crime to be a bloodless one, and hoped that If the body were consumed it would hide all traces of the method of his death—traces of which, for some rea son must have pointed to him. Is not all this obvious?” "It strikes me, my good Lestrade, as being Just a trifle too obvious," said Holmes. "You do not add Imagination to your other great qualities, but If you could for one moment put yourself in the place of this young man, would you choose the very night after the will had been made to commit your crime? Would It not seem dangerous to you to make so very close a relation be tween the two incidents? Again, would you choose an ocasslon when you are known to be In the house, when a servant has let you In? And, finally, would you take the great pains to conceal the body, and yet leave your own stick as a sign that you were the criminal? Confess, Lestrade, that all this Is very unlikely." "As to the stick, Mr. Holmes, you know as well as I do that a criminal Is often flurried, and does such things, which a cool man would avoid. He was very likely afraid to go back to the room. Give me another theory that would lit the facts.” "I could ensily gtve you half a dozen.” said Holmes. "Here, for example, Is a very possible and even probable one. I make you a free present of It. The older man is showing documents which are of evident value. A passing tramp sees them through the window, the blind of which Is only half down. Exit the solicitor. Enter the tramp! He seizes a stick, which he observes there, kills Oldacre, and departs after burn ing the body." Ktllku 4k. 4 ...._ 1_ _ "Why ahould the tramp burn the body?" "For the matter of that, why should McFarlane?" ‘To hide some evidence." "Possibly the tramp wanted to hide that any murder at all had been com mitted." “And why did the tramp take noth ing?” “Because they were papers that he could not negotiate.” Bestrade shook his head, though It seemed to me that his manner was less absolutely assured than before. "Well, Mr. Sherlock Holmes, you may look for your tramp, and while you are finding him we will hold on to our man. The future will show which Is right. Just notice this point, Mr. Holmes: that so far as we know, none of the papers were removed, and that the prisoner Is the one man In the world who had no reason for removing them, since he was heir-at-law, and would come Into them In any case." My friend seemed struck by this re mark. "I don't mean to deny that the evi dence Is In some ways very strongly In favor of your theory," said he. “I only wish to point out that there are other theories possible. As you say, the future will decide. Good morn ing! I dare say that In the course of the day I shall drop In at Norwood and see how you are getting on." When the detective departed my friend rose and made his preparations for the day's work with the alert air of a man who has a congenial task be fore him. "My first movement. Watson,” said he, as he bustled Into his frock coat, “must, as I said, be in the direction of Blackheuth." | “And why not Norwood?' "Because we have In this case one singular Incident coming close to the heels of another singular inci dent. The police are making the mistake of concentrating their at tention upon the second, ba cause It happens to be the one which is actually criminal. But it is evl den to me that the logical way to ap proach the case Is to begin by trying tu throw some light upon the first In cident—the curious will, so suddenly made, and to so unexpected an heir. It may do something to simplify what followed. No. n v lear fellow. I don’t think, you . an help me. There Is no prospect of danger, or I should not , dream of seining out without you. I trust that when I see you In the even ing I will be able to report that I have Deen able to do something for this unfortunate youngster, who has thrown himself upon my protection.” It was late when my friend returned, and I could see, by a glance at his haggard and anxious face that the high hopes with which he had started had not been fulfilled. For an hour he droned away upon his violin, endeav oring to soothe his own ruffled spirits. At last he flung down the Instrument, and plunged into a detailed account of his misadventures. “It's all going wrong, Watson—all as wrong as It can go. 1 kept a bold face before Lestrade, but, upon my soul, I believe that for once the fellow Is on the right track and we are on the wrong. All my instincts are one way, and all the facts are the other, and I much fear that British Juries have not yet attained that pitch of intelligence j when they will give the preference to my theories over Lestrade's facts." "Did you go to Bleakheath?” "Yes, Watson, I went there, and I found very quickly that the late lamented Oldacre was a pretty con siderable blackguard. The father was away In search of his son. The mother was at home—a little, fluffy, blue-eyed person, In a tremor of fear and Indigna tion. Of course, she would not admit even the possibility of his guilt. But she would not express either surprise or regret over the fate of Oldacre. On the contrary, she spoke of him with such bitterness that she was uncon sciously considerably strengthening the case of the police, for, of course, If her son had heard her speak of the man In this fashion, It would predispose him towards hatred and violence. 'He wras more like a malignant and cunning ape than a human being,' said she, 'and he always w as, ever since he was a young IIJU.II. ’“You knew him at that time?” salrl I. •“Yes, I knew him well, In fact, he was an old suitor of mine. Thank heaven that I had the sense to turn away from him, and to marry a better, If poorer man. I was engaged to him, Mr. Holmes, when I heard a shocking story of how he had turned a cat loose In an aviary, and I was horrified at his brutal cruelty that I would have nothing more to do with him.' She rummaged in a bureau, and presently she produced a photograph of a wom an, shamefully defaced and mutilated with a knife. ‘That is my own photo graph,’ she said. 'He sent it to me in that state, with his curse, upon my wedding morning.' " 'Well,' said I, 'at least he has for given you now, since he has left all his property to your son.' ‘“Neither my son nor X want any thing from Jonas Oldacre, dead or alive!' she cried, with a proper spirit. ‘There is a God in heaven, Mr. Holmes, and that same God who ha3 punished that wicked man will show, in His own good time, that my son’s hands are guiltless of his blood.' ''Well, I tried one or two leads, but could get at nothing which would help our hypothesis, and several points which would make against it. I gave it up at last, and off I went to Nor wood. "This place, Deep Dene house, is a big modern villa of staring brick, standing back In Its own grounds, with a laurel-clumped lawn in front of It. To the right and some distance back from the road was the timber yard which had been the scene of the fire. Here's a rough plan on a leaf of my note book. This window on the left is the one which opens Into Oldacre’s room. You can look Into it from the road, you see. That is about the only bit of consolation I have had today. Lestrade was not there, but his head constable did the honors. They had just found a great treasure-trove. They had spent the morning raking among the ashes of the burned wood pile, and besides the charred organic re mains they had secured several dis colored metal discs. X examined them with care, and there was no doubt that they were trouser buttons. I even distinguished that one of them was marked with the name of 'Hyams,' who worked the lawn very carefully for signs and traces, but this drought has made everything as hard as iron. Nothing was to be seen save that some body or bundle had been dragged through a low privet hedge, which is in a line with the wood pile. All that, of course, fits in with the official theory. I crawled about the lawn with an Aug ust sun on my back, but I got up at the end of an hour no wiser than before. "Well, after this fiasco I went into the bed room and examined that also. The blood stains were very slight, mere smears and discolorations, but un doubtedly fresh. The stick had been removed, but there also the marks were slight. There is no doubt about the stick belonging to our client. He ad mits it. FootmarkB of both men could be made out on the carpet, but none of any third person, which again is a trick for the other side. They were piling up their score all the time, and we were at standstill. “Only one little gleam of hope did I get—and yet it amounted to nothing. I examined the contents of the safe, most of which had been taken out and left on the table. The papers had been made up Into sealed envelopes, one or Loaded. Clerk—No rooms left, sir. We're full. Guest—Where’s the proprietor? Clerk—Sorry, sir, but he's In the same condition. two of which had been onened by the police. They were not, eo far as I could Judge, of any great value, nor did the bank book show that Mr. Oldacre was In such very affluent circumstances. But It seemed to me that all the papers were not there. There were allusions to some deeds—possibly more valuable —which I could not find. This, of course. If we could definitely prove It, would turn Lestrade’s argument against himself; for who would steal a thing If he knew that he would shortly inherit It? "Finally, having drawn every other cover and picked up no scent, I tried my luck with the housekeeper. Mrs. Lexington is her name—a little, dark, silent person, with suspicious and side long eyes. She could tell us something If she would—I am convinced of It. But she was as close as wax. Yes, she had let Mr. McFarlane in at half past nine. She wished her hand had withered before she had done so. She had gone to bed at half-past ten. Her room was at the other end of the house, and she could hear nothing of what passed. Mr. McFarlane had left his hat, and to the best of her belief, his stick, in the hall. She had been awak ened by the alarm of fire. Her poor, dear master had certainly been mur dered. Had he any enemies? Well, every man had enemies, but Mr. Old acre kept himself very much to him self, and only met people In the way of business. She had seen the buttons, and was sure that they belonged to the clothes which he had worn last night. The wood pile was very dry, for It had not rained for a month. It burned like tinder, and by the time she reached the spot, nothing could be seen but flames. She and all the fire men smelled the burned flesh from in side it. She knew nothing of the papers, nor of Mr. Oldacre’s private affairs. "So, my dear Watson, there’s the report of a failure. And yet—and yet” —ho clenched his thin hands In a par oxysm of conviction— "I know It's all wrong. I feel It In my bones. There Is something that has not come out, and that housekeeper knows it. There was a sort of sulky defiance In her eyes, which only goes with guilty knowledge. However, there’s no good talking any more about it, Watson; but unless some lucky chance comes our way I fear that the Norwood disappearance case will not figure In that chronicle of our successes which I foresee that a patient public will sooner or later have to endure,” "Surely,” said I "the man’s appear ance would go far with any Jury?” “That is a dangerous argument, my dear Watson. You remember that terrible murderer, Bert Stevens, who wanted us to get him oft In ’87? Was there ever a more mild mannered, Sun day school young man?” "It Is true.” "Unless we succeed In establishing an alternative theory this man Is lost. You can hardly find a flaw In thp case which can now be presented against him, and all further Investigation has served to strengthen it. By the way, there Is one curious little point about those papers which may serve us as the j starting point for an inquiry. On look- j ing over the bank book I found that ! the low state of the balance was prin- I cipally due to large checks which have been made out during the last year to Mr. Cornelius. I confess that I should be interested to know who this ! Mr. Cornelius may be with whom a 1 retired builder has such very large . transactions. Is it possible that he has had a hand In the affair? Cornelius j might be a broker, but we have found ! no scrip to correspond with these large payments. Failing any other IndICa- ! tion, my researches must now take the direction of an inquiry at the bank for the gentleman who has cashed these checks. But I fear, my dear fellow, that our case will end ingloriously by Lestrade hanging our client, which will certainly be a triumph for Scotland Yard.” I do not know how far Sherlock Holmes took any sleep that night, but when I came down to breakfast I found him pale and harassed, his bright eyes the brighter for the dark shadows round them. The carpet round his chair was littered with cigarette ends and with thp early editions of the morning papers. An open telegram lay on the table. “What do you think of this, Wat son?” he asked, tossing It across. It was from Norwood, and ran as follows. "Irnj>ortant fresh evidence to hand. McFarlane's guilt definitely estab lished. Advise you to abandon case.— Lestrade.” “This sounds serious,” said I. "It is Lestrade's little cock-a-doodle of victory," Holmes answered, with a bitter smile. “And yet it may be pre mature to abandon the case. After all, important fresh evidence is a two edged thing, and may possibly cut in a very different direction to that which Lestrade imagines. Take your break fast, Watson, and we will go out togeth er and see what we can do. I feel as if I shall need your company and moral support today.” My friend had no breakfast himself, for it was one of his peculiarities that in his more Intense moments he would permit himself no food, and I have I known him to presume upon his iron j strength until he has fainted from pure Inanition. "At present I cannot spare energy and nerve force for digestion," he would say in answer to my inedicil remonstrances. 1 was not surprised, therefore, when this morning he left his untouched meal behind him, and stnrted with me for Norwood. A crovrd I of morbid sightseers were still gatli- ) ered around Deep Dene house, which was Just such a suburban villa as I had pictured. Within the gates Is?s- ! trade met us, his face flushed with victory, his manner grossly triumph ant. "Wei!. Mr. Holmes, have you proved us to be wrong yet? Have you found your tramp?" he cried. •'I have formed no conclusion what- j ever," my companion answered. “But we formed ours yesterday, and now it proves to be correct, so you must acknowledge that we have been a little in front of you this time, M.r. Holmes.” "You certainly have the air of some thing unusual having occurred,” said Holmes. Lestrade laughed loudly. "You don't like being beaten any more than ihe rest of us do,” said lie. "A man can't expect always to have It his own way, can he, Dr. Watson? Step this way. if you please, gentle men, and I think I can convince you once for all that It was John MeFe.r lane who did this crime." He led us through the passage and out into a dark hall beyond. (Continued Next Week) A Long, Long Time. Guest—Say, waiter'. Waiter—Yes. sir. Guest—I bet I’ve been waiting here longer than you have. Simply Misunderstood Him. Detroit Tribune: "When I opened the window last night and asked who was there," said Mrs. Smith, contempt uously, “you were so drunk you eoldn't pronounce the simple word ‘John.’” "I wasn't trying to say 'John,' " re plied Mr. Smith, humbly, "I was try ing to tell you I was Hamlet the nua" ■»♦♦♦♦♦ •»♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦» 1 ♦ THE SOCIAL HOUR. ♦ 4- 4 i A^AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ▼ TtTTTTtTtTTTttTTTTT▼T T T Kept Himself Cool. From the Boston Herald. A man and his wife was once staying at a hotel, when In the night they were aroused from their slumbers by the cry that the hotel was afire. “Now, my dear,” said the husband, "I will put Into practice what I have preached. Put on all your Indispensable apparel, and keep cool.” ' Then he slipped his watch Into his vest pocket and walked with his wife out of the hotel. When all danger was past, he said: “Now you see how necessary It Is to keep cool.” The wife for the first glanced at her husband. “Yes, William,” she said, “It Is a grand thing, but If I were you I would havo put on my trousers." The Same Thing. The late Gutave C. Relchhelm, the note^ chess analyst and problem composer of Philadelphia, was a quiet and mild man, with a horror of squabbles, noise and ex pitement. “Mr. Helchhelm was once dragged out of his peaceful retirement,” said a Phila delphian. "He had to go to New York to testify In a libel suit. “In his cross-examination the lawyer for the defense, unaware that he was dealing with a man of Mr. Relchhclm’s note, said jwlth a sneer: I “ ‘I hope It Isn't true that you said you •were willing to testify for the other side If they would pay you better?’ " ‘Oh, no; that Isn't true,’ Mr. Relchhelm answered calmly. ‘But suppose It had been true—then let me put the same ques tion to you. If you had been offered a bigger fee, wouldn't you have been on the other side yourself?’ ” _a_ One-Armed Applause. Mme. Bernhardt had Just returned from a epln In a motor car. Her face was flush ed, and she wore a skirt of sealskin. "Madam,” said a reporter who Bpeaks French, "what do you regard as the great est triumph of your career?" The great artist smiled. "My greatest triumph?” she mused. "Well, I think perhaps my greatest tri umph was In Paris, on the first night of ’L’Atglon,’ at the end of the third act. "The third act was passionately ap plauded, but, as I stood before the cur tain, the applause was drowned under a burst of laughter. "The laughter came from the topmoet gallery. The audience’s eyes, and my eyes too, were turned reproachfully thither. And as we looked, the reproach died out of our faces. For what do you suppose we saw? "We saw two one-armed men standing up In the front row, side by side, quite oblivious of the amusement they created, co-operating with their remaining hands to add to the applause.” The German Students. Drunkenness has of late been charged In England against the students of the rjnlversity of Oxford. Of this charge Per eival Farrar, an Oxford man, said In De troit: “Now and then young men drink too much at Oxford, but to accuse them gen erally of drunkenness Is quite unpardon able and false. "Such an accusation Is to my mind ab surd, like the accusation of Idleness made against the students of the great German universities. “Attendance at lectures Is not compul sory In Germany, and there are all sorts ef yarns abouj the students' idleness. They say that a young man In Heidelberg once approached another young man and asked: ” ‘Where are the university buildings?’ "The second young man replied: " 'I really don't know. I am a student here myself.’ " Naming tha Baby. From Tit-Bits. "The baby’s name,” announced. Mia. Leader calmly, "Is to be Hepzibah." "Wh-at!” exclaimed Leader. "But I say, Harriet, think of what you're doing for the little one! Such a name will be a handicap throughout her life!” "Her name Is to be Hephaibab," repeat ed Mrs. Leader. “It was my dear moth er's name, and it means ’my delight Is In her,’ If you don’t think those sufficient teasons, I do.” Leader sat quietly for awhllo, and then a crafty look crept athwart his visage, and he smiled. "When I come to think of it,” he said, “I don’t know that I object to the name. :C was engaged once to a sweet girl whose name was Hephzlbah, and-" "The baby’s name,” interrupted Mrs. Leader, haughtily. "Is to be Hac-rlct!" One on Smith. Secretary Shaw today told a story on Representative Smith of Iowa when the latter was a fledgtng attorney and anxious to make & reputation for himself. A pri soner was brought before the bar In the criminal court tn Iowa, but he was not represented by a lawyer. “Where is your lawyer?” inquired the judge who presided. “I have none,” responded the prisoner. “Why haven’t you?" “Haven’t -ny money with which the pay a lawyer.” “Do you want a lawj'er?*’ asked the judge. “Yes. your honor.’* “There is Mr. Walter I. Smith,. John Brown, George Green/’ said the judge, I*>lnting to a lot of young attorneys who were about the court waiting for some thing to turn up. “and Mr. Alexander is out in, the corridor.’’ The prisoner eyed the budding attor neys in the court room, and after a criti cal survey stroked his chin and said: “W-a-H, I guess I will take Mr. Alex ander.” Iowa Is Safe. Representative Smith of Iowa, the same one Secretary Shaw told the story about, in chairman of the subcommittee of the appropriations committee to which esti mates for fortifications on the sea coast are sent. The other day a demand for expenditures for fortifying Portland. Me., was before the subcommittee, and the chairman manifested a painful lack of appreciation of the danger that Portland may be shot to pieces any day by a hos tile fleet. He was so sympathetic that finally a New England member who was urging the measure exclaimed: “I’d like to know why it is that this committee on fortifications always gets a man at its head from the Mississippi val ley.” “Reasons of economy, reasons of econ omy,” replied the chairman. “I’ll tell you what to do. You get somebody to invent a cannon that will send a shell as far in land us Council Bluffs, and we’ll look ’nto this case further.” \An!lin~ to Oblige: From an Exchange. Two young girls were talking on a tram way car, when one of thorn said: “The awfule*t thing happened to mo yesterday. ; Bess and 1 came down together on the tramway car, but it was crowded to suf focation. I was afraid I’d lose Bess, and to I lust grabbed her hand and held on for •ar life. When we were nearly to our destination—just fancy!—1 looked down, i ml it wasn’t Bess’ hand at all, but I was holding that of a young man whom 1 had never seen. I dropped, it you can Imagine, In an instant, saying. ’Oh. I’ve got the wrong hand!’ when what do you suppose he answered? ‘Why. miss, you are per- \ fectiy welcome to the other if you will ac- I | cept it/ *• I ' RHEUMATIC PAINS disappear Whan Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills Purify tha Blood and Haal Inflamed Tissues. Rheumatism is a disease of the blood, caused by the failure of the body to casf off certain poisons. External applica tions are of use only in securing tempo rary relief from pain—the cure foi rheumatism lies in purifying and en riching the blood. Mrs. Frederick Brown, of 40 Sumptei street, Saudy Hill, N.Y., was a sufferer from inflammatory rheumatism from the time she was sixteen. She saysi “It first appeared in my knee joints, then in my hips aiid waist. It became a regular thing that I would be laid up all winter. The rheumatism affected mostly my hands, hips, feet and shoulders. My hands were all puffed up and my feet became deformed. 1 lost my appetite, couldn’t sleep and sometimes I was compelled to cry out, the pain was so intense. “ For several winters I was under the doctor’s care and while his medicine re lieved the pain for a little while there seemed no prospect for a permanent cure. I was confined to my bed, off and on, for weeks at a time. My limbs swelled dreadfully at times and I was reduced almost to nothing. “ In the spring of 1904, upon the ad vice of a friend, I began to use Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills. At that time I wasn’t able to do anything and could barely eat enough to keep alive. I fell a change for the better in about a month. I began to eat heartily and I suffered less pain. Of course I kept on the treatment, using care in my diet, and in abont three mouths I was cured. I am entirely well today and do all my own work.” Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills cured Mrs. Brown by driving the rheumatic poisons out of her blood. But yon must get the genuine Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills, sold by all druggists and by the Dr.Williams Medicine Oo., Schenectady, N. Y. I THE BEST COUGH CURE S Many a lonesome and expensive . | trip to Florida, California or the 1( Adirondacks has been saved by a the use of (• 1JKemp’s Balsam;; the best cough cure. If this great m remedy will not cure the cough, no 0 medicine will, and then all hope f rests in a change of climate—but f try Kemp’s Balsam first. ^ * Sold by all dealers at 25c. and 50c. A 5 Tons Grass Hay Free, Everybody loves lots and lots of fodde* for hogs, cows, sheep and swine. The enormous crops of our Northern Grown Pedigree Seeds on our seed farms the past year compel ns to issue a spe cial catalogue called SALZER’S BARGAIN SEED BOOK. This is brim full of bargain seeds at bar* gain prices. SEND THIS NOTICE TO-DAT. and receive free sufficient seed to grow 5 tons of grass on your lot or farm this summer and our great Bargain Seed Book with its wonderful surprises and great bargains in seeds at bargain prices. Remit 4c and we add a package of Cos mos, the most fashionable, serviceable, beautiful annual flower. John A. Salzer Seed Co^ Lock Draw er C., La Crosse, Wis. The President Gets a Now Cane. From the New York Times. Interposed among the official calls on the president Saturday was one which was entirely unexpected. The caller wa3 Theodore Roosevelt, Jr., who had come on from Harvard with « class mate and astonished the family by walking into the White House. He came so that he could see something of his parents before their departure for the south on Wednesday. An old man from Virginia came td present to the president a cane. It turned out to be'such a gift as Mr. Roosevelt likes to get, and he asked for the giver’s name and was sorry not to get It. The cane was the old man’s own work, and cm It were carved the names of all the principal -battles of the civil war, with the names of the leading generals and dates of'heath ol those killed In battle. For Rant—Several grain and stock farms. John Mulhall, 206 % Pierce street. Telephone 592. Sudden Loss of Faith. From the New York Weekly. Doctor Pill (at medical meeting)— What’s the matter with Dr. Physic to night? He apepars to be in a terribly bad humor—nothing but impatience, Irascibility and slurs every time tha wonderful progress of medical science is mentioned. Doctor Powder—He has had rheuma tism for six weeks, and all his brother physicians who were called in orfly mads It worse. St. Jacobs Oil for many, many years has cured and continues to cure RHEUMATISM NEURALGIA LUMBAGO BACKACHE SCIATICA SPRAINS BRUISES SORENESS STIFFNESS FROST-BITES Pr ice, 25c. end 50c.