Nebraska Newspapers

    A Mother’s Lore.
It is said that the Hon. Spaniel Gal*
; low-ay of Columbus, O., was one of the
plainest men ever known in the state.
He told many stories relative to. his
own personal ugliness of face with
great good humor.
One which he often related with much
relish was that of the remark made by
the little daughter of a friend in an
other city with whom he was dining.
‘-Mamma,” he heard the child say in
an awe-struck whisper, After a pro
longed survey of the peculiar features
of the guest, “that gentleman's mamma
must have loved children mighty welL”
"Why so, my dear?” inquired the un
suspecting parent
"Oh,” returned the child in the same
audible whisper, “’cause she raised
him!”—Youth’s Companion.
SlOO Reward, SUM,
The readers of this paper will be
pleased to learn that there is at least
one dreaded disease that science has
been able to cure in ali its stages, and
that Is Catarrh. Hall's Catarrh Cure is
the only positive cure now known to
the medical fraternity. Catarrh being
a constitutional disease requires a con
stitutional treatment. Hall’s Catarrh
Cure Is taken Internally, acting directly
upon the blood and mucous surfaces of
the system, thereby destroying the
foundation of the disease and gi^ng the
patient strength by building up the con
stitution and assisting nature In doing
Its work. The proprietors have so much
faith In its curative powers that they
offer pne Hundred Dollars for any case
that It falls to cure. Send for list of
testimonials. Address
F. J. CHENEY & CO., Toledo, a
Sold by druggists; 7Sc.
f Hall's Family Pills, 2Sc.
1 he fattest man vvB Wef faw it called
“Heart’s Desire” by bis wif§.
. Earl In t Radishes and Peas. |
The editor urges all readers to grow |
the eirHest vegetables. They pay. Well
Salzer’s Seeds aie bred to earllhess,'
they grow and produce every time. None
go early, so fine cs Satyr’s. Try his
radishes! cabbage, peas, beets, cucum-1
bers, lettuce, corn, etc! Money in It for ,
you. Salzer is the largest grower of
vegetables, farm seeds-, grasses, clovers,
potatoes, etc. . I
I if yen will cut lliU out add send ,
to the John A. Salzer Seed Co., La
Crosse, Wis., with 10c postage, you will i
get sample phekage of Early Bird Rad- |
ish (ready In 16 days) and their great
catalogue. Catalogue alone Sc postage.
__w.n.
Frido in prosperity turns to misery in ad
versity. _. _
COLORADO GOLD MINES.
If you are interested in gold mining
or wish to keep posted regarding the
wonderful strides being made in Colo
rado, it will pay you to send fifty cents
for a year's subscription to "'The Gold
Miner, an illustrated monthly paper
published at Denver._
You can't stuff some people so much that
they will l.e grateful_'
Health cave Impaired la not railly rrralmO,
SrctPrtrtaCi'- Utng rTunfu tins iiUalued Iheso results
la many ca*s.(. -Good forevery weakaesssud distress
No mother is so wicked but desires to
have good children._'
It Is more than wsadeitUl
hour'pane .ily people'suffer with corns. ■Ggtpeaca
and comfort by removing tnesuwlth Htnde rooms.
The >hero does not treed quarrels, but be
defends himself._
✓ 3t -the Uaby M Cutting Weern.
tmin sBd use that old ad -wcil-trlad -remedy. Hit
Winston--a SooTiusa Sysco-tor’OlrildranTeeihlag.
Kix feet of earth makes .all-men equal.
Gladness Comes
With a better understanding of the
transient nature of the many phys
ical iiu which vanish before proper ef
forts—gentle efforts—pleasant efforts—
rightly directed. There-is comfort er
the knowledge ttiat so imany forms'of
sickness are not due to any actual dis
ease, but simply to a constipated condi
tion of the system, which the pleasant
family laxative, Syruprff 'Figs, prompt
ly removes. That is why it is the only
remedy with millionsof families, and Is
every wheat! esteemed so: highly by all
who value-good health. .Its beneficial
effects are due to the fact,' that it is the
one remedy which promotes internal
cleanliness, without debilitating the
organs on which it acts. ;it is therefore
all important,! in order to get its bene
ficial effects, • to note when you pur
chase, that yon have the genuine article,
which is manufactured by the California
/ Fig Syrup Co’, only, and sold by all rep
,•' utable druggists.
If in the enjoyment of good health,
and the system is regular, ‘then laxa
tives or other remedies are-not needed.
If afflicted with any actual.disease, one
may be commended to the most skillful
physicians, but if in need of a laxative,
then one should have the best,-and with
the well-informed every wlit-ne, Syrup of
Figs stands Highest and is most iargely
used and gives most general satisfaction.
A Fortune for market Gardeners I
_—- Wpndtrflnl Wow African_
Sun Burly Sweat Votntp, as yollow asyold
. nail sweet us honey, curliest and most pnttUlo
known; a bonanza for tho north, on account of
Its r&ptC growth nnd earl/ maturity; matures
la the'extreme north long before frost;
cultivate*], as it grows right up with no vines
to bother with; an immense yielder.
Xfttrgro2,ree 'Catalogue containing over fifty
pew varieties seeds, including my Vow Home
Grown GesQfce, with testimonials from patrons
all over the Union who havo tried it. It costa
onlv 2 cents per pound to raise this coffee. Po
tato seed, poet paid, 85 ‘cents per pound by C#
*• COLB, Seedsman, Buokncr, Mo.
Free sample of Coffqe and Large Catalogue
for f> eta. stamps.
LEGGINS!
Kino Array J>uck wl h >liij «p in , 91.00. Good
Heary D> ck. with Buckles. Uftf. !*ent prepaid on
receipt oi price. it i/P of tUoi' an'i of
calf - f »e« i. C. H UN’l INC* TO X A SOX. Otuaha.
GBIllBii Morphine Habit Cured In 10
Ur IIIHi t° SO days. No pay till cured.
WI BWHl DR, h STEPHEN* Letanon.Ohic#
“COMIC-’ VALENTINES.
THEY MAKE ONE MAN LAUQH
AND ANOTHER SWEAR.
! ' - •
About tho Man Who Malta* ’Em—Mr.
Howard Indulge* la Them Whoa Ho
raela Bad, and Oautaa 100,000,000
Cum Word* For Yean .
HAVE discovered
the man who makes
all the comic valen
tines. Yes, gentle
reader, It Is true
that one conscience
has to carry the en
tire burden. Per
haps you do not
, know how heavy
that burden Is.
Ldarn, then, that
the person to whom I have referred
draws about 900 valentine pictures
every year, and each of them is printed
in editions of 15,000. Most of them are
sold in this country, but there is also
Quite an export trado with Europe. The
most popular of them run through many
editions. But let us suppose that each
of them has two editions. That will
* total of 27,000,000 a year. Now,
reflect, further, that everyone of them
is designed to make somebody swear,
and you begin to get an idea of the ter
rible business in which this artist Is
engaged. Let us suppose that 20,000,
Wv of them reach their destinations,
and that each individual recipient
swears only five times, we have a to
1W,000,ooo cuss-words, for which
ifiy friend, the artist, is directly respon
sible, every year. Suppose, further,
that the artist holds his Job thirty-six
and a half years, and afterwards suf
fers In purgatory ono day for every
piece of violeht language caused by
him, as computed above, he will be
there 10,000,000 years, and I do not call
it enough, writes Howard Fielding In
a New York paper of recent date..
These mathematical operations are
founded upon*exact facte. In this let
ter I am simply trying to state a matter
of news in plain words.
I have known the valentine artist for
a long time, but never suspected him
of doing anything of that kind. It was
only yesterday that I learned about it.
I went into his work shop Just as he
Bnlahed a drawing. I looked over his
shoulder expecting to see a pretty pic- j
ture designed for one el the magazines,!
with the famlltar signature, C. Howard.
Instead I saw a horrible freak wearing
a white apron and engaged in pouring
cats Into a sausage-mill.
^‘That's a sweet thing, Howard,” said
I. “What’s It for?”
“For « butcher,” said he. "IPb in
tended to be a slight token of some
body's regard on Feb. 14. I’ve made
THE BABOON VAES3NTINE.
nearly a thousand of these things tKs
1 year. What do you suppose Ou Saint
Valentinus, patron of the.pleasant oceu
sion, will do <with me when he gets hold
of me?”
That naturally led to»a dlscussiouuof
the whole rabject. It appears that
Howard does not allow these drawings
to interfere in any way with his art
i work. He has a very nice way of get
ting the time to do theun. In thoee
moments of dissatisfaction which on
; ordinary man would waste in swearing
| or in throwing a fellow creature down
stairs Howard simply draws valentines.
It relieves his feelings perfectly. I was
glad to know this, for'I had been ata
; loss to account for the exemplary mild
| ness of his disposition. It would be
unjust, of course, to compare so favor
ed a person with ourselves. We do not
have the opportunity of insulting 27,
000,000 strangers every year. We must
do the best we can with only our fam-j
dies and friends. j
It.appears that comic valentines are’
all offensive. They are divided broadly
into two classes, which are known tech
nically as the “Hit-’em-Hards” and the
“long Jokers.” By the rules of ordi
nary social courtesy a person may reply
to a Long Joker with a club; but if he
gets a Hit-’em-Hard be takes down the
old musket from the wall.
The enormous sale of these things
proves that they mast fill a longing of
the human heart. The two sexes feel
this want about equally. Just as many
are painted for men as for women. I
regard that as an Inter*sting fact which
might easily escape the notice of a less
acute student of human nature than
myself. Just how badly you have to
hate a person before you feel Impelled
to Insult him pictorlally on the 14th of
February I am unable to state. But
there must be a good many million peo
ple In this country who could tell from
their personal experience. This prac
tice shows the general recognition of
the artistic value of contrast. An
added charm must cling to the pic
ture of a Jackass labelled “This is You"
when it Is received on the day sacred
to lovers' tokens.
Mr. Howard tells me that these valen
tines are all directed to the pictorial
exhibition of some human fault or folly.
If they were confinod to any other Held
he might And it difficult to draw at
many as 900 In a single year.
A considerable number ot the valen
tines Intended for women satirise ec
centricities of fashion. This winter
there is a great field for that sort ol
work in the prevailing style ot capes.
The preposterously broad and stifi
shoulders with their convoluted edges
turned up, make a woman look like the
head of John the Baptist on a charger.
Mr. Howard tells me that be has tried
to exaggerate the absurdities of this
kind of cape and has failed.
“I can’t make it look worse than It
really doe? when I see It on the Street,”
he said, "and so I have to make up for
it by drawing a cross-eyed wdman In
side the cape. The worse the face looks
the better the valentine sells. I should
think it would make a poor girl who
had put all her cash into one of those
capes feel pretty good to be tenderly
remembered with one of. these' cape
valentines on the 14th. I understand
that they are already in great demand,
which shows the state of envious re
sentment among the girls who are
wearing their last winter's capes."
, Passing 'to men’s attire, the dude In
caricature of this order has changed
very little in the past five or six years, j
In this connection the artist told Ini'
one of the toughest experiences that
ever I heard. It appears that he once !
drew a particularly offensive dude val
entine. The absolute idiocy of' the
countenance which he put on the dud*
THE MODERN DUDE,
left nothing whatever to be desired.
Of course, there were many other dude
caricatures that year, but this was the
most offensive by long odds. It hap*
pened that a young man of Mr. How
ard’s acquaintance got three valentines
that year from three different cities,
and every one of his unknown admirers
picked out this Identical valentine.
What could a'tman think tinder such
exceptional circumstances except that
there was a distinct resemblance be
tween himself and the fellow In the pic
ture? It must have been deeply der
pressing. I learn from Mr. Howard
‘that.'this gentleman did not commit sui
cide, but he would have committed
murder under favwraiUle conditions.
Cnre of the most successful valentines
ever sent out was entitled "The Slug
gard.” It -represented a man in bed.
A pair of naked and gigantic feet hung
| "over the footboard, which was in the
foreground: and tbs-sun, with a smile
of derision on his 'countenance, was
seen looking in through an open win
dow. Mr. Howard gave this to me In
a philosophical spirit as a sample of
what 1b considered a rare joke by many
thousands of persons. Perhaps the
richest thing—if popular applause be
the criterion—in’the line of comic val
entines for women was a picture en
titled “Going to Seed.” It represented
a particularly ill-conditioned plant in a
large red flower-pot, and the floorer was
the typical headiof an old maid. Thou
sands upon thousands of these were
sold, and they served, doubtless, to em
oitter the Uiotqfhts of a corresponding
number of women who ought rather to
have been congratulated. While many
of these valentines aro use'd In malice,
the real reason why they sell Is that the
people think flhat they are funny.
There’s a very deep theme. I have
| made a special duty of the problem,
What do peopleilaugh at? And I have
partly solved It. I have learned what I
myself laugh alt—but the remaining
persons mentioned In Mr. Porter’s cen
sus have thus far eluded me. And eves
in my own case the result Is not con
stant. One day, perhaps, I can laugh
at one of my own Jokes, and a few days
later, when I run across it in a copy of
THE OLD MAID ALWAYS SEEMS
WELL.
an old magazine which died before I
was born. It don't seem funny at all.
Hut Mr. Howard has gone farther. He
has not only discovered the secret of
what is humor to a great class of our
citizens, but ho has learned what will
make one man laugh and another man
swear. I call that a considerable tri
umph.
Some 17m.
Fcatherstanc—Willie, I don’t see1
that valentine that I gave your slater
in this pile.
Willie—No; she gave it to the baby to
play with. , ‘
LET THE EARTH REJOICE AM)
farmers slug. With our new hardy
grasses, clovers ahd fodder plants the
poorest, most worn out, toughest, worst
piece of land can be made as fertile as
the valley of the Nile. Only takes a
year or so to do so! At the same time
you will be getting big crops! Teoslnte,
Giant Spurry, Sacaline, Lathyrus, what
a variety of names! Catalogue tells
you!
If you will rut this out anil • n |
it to the John A. Salzer Seed Co., La
Crosse, Wis., with 10c. postage, you will
get free their mammoth catalogue and
ten grass and grain fodder samples
(worth $10,00 to get a start). w.n.
Calling a Dog by Telrpliouc.
An intelligent hunting dog who had
itrayed away wna found in Kew Hart
ford, Conn., recently, and the finder
notified the dog's owner in Wiustcd.
The New Hartford man called up the
owner by telephone to arrange for re
turning the dog, and while tnllcing
asked the owner the dog’s name. '-Hold
him up to tho telephone," was the re
ply. The part of the instrument wak
put against the dog’s ear, and the
owner called, ‘‘Bash.’’ The dog rec
ognized the voice, and setup a burking
which showed his joy.—Boston Herald.
Wc Are roieoned by Air and Water
, Wlien they Contain the gernsof tnulurlu
T*> annihilate these nnd avoid and conquer,
chills and fever, billions remittent or diimlr
ague, use persistently and regularly Pc;'tot*
tor’s tomacli Bitten-, which hIso remedies
dyspepsia, liver trouble, ennstipntion, loss
of strength, nervou nest i-houmutism and
kidney complaint Appetite and sleep are
Improved by this thorough medicinal aaent,
and the Infirmities of age mitigated by it
A wineglussful three times a day.
When Bathing the Daby.
The best kind of apron to use when
bathing the baby is made of two thick
uesses of fl-iitncl, with a piece of rub
ier clot'n laid between. The rubber
prevents all possibility of the dress get
ting wet, and can easily be removed
when the apron is laundried.
Walter Baker A Co.. Limited, Dor
Chester, Mass., the well-known manufac
turers of Breakfast Cocoa and other
Cocon and Chocolate preparations, have
ail extraordinary collection of medals ntid
diplomas awarded at the grant interna
tional nnd other exhibitions in Kurope
niul America. The house has had un
interrupted prosperity for nearly a cen
tury nnd a quarter nnd is now not only
the oldest but the largest establishment
of the kind on this continent. The high
degree of perfection which tho company
‘lias altnined- in its manufactured prod
ucts is tlie result of long experience com
bined witli an intelligent use of tin; new,
forces which are constantly 1 icing Intro
duced to increase the power nud improve
the quality of production, aud cheapen
the cost to. tile consumer.
Tlie full strength and thmexquisite nat
ural flavor of the raw material lire pre
served unimpaired in all of Walter Baker
* Company’s preparations: so that their
products may truly ho sold to form the
■tandurd for parity nnd excellence.
In view of the ninny imitations of tlie
name, laliels and wrappers on their goods l
consumers should ask for and be sure i
that they get tlie genuine articles made
at Dorchester, Mass.
Tho Passing sf the Outlaw. j
The wonderful strides of develop-1
ment in Oklahoma and Indian Territor- |
ies during -the past threo years, and the |
rapid advancement of civilization and j
Christianity In those territories during
that time, leave the outlaw no longer a
resting place an -this continent.
Beautiful cities, rich valleys and the
rolling .prairies of that country now
teeming with an industrious aud enter
prising class of people take the .place
where -such hands ware -roaming at will
-only a few ahort years ago. The peo
ple of that-torritory ihave; as little to fear
from -any -fkirtber outrages from-such a
source an those in Ahe east, and such la
the result of fiuvorable legislation,
backed up by the eourage, push and on-'
terprise of the American, people.
Huw to Day a Carriage.
The great need of the times is a con
dition whereby the producer and eon
snmer-may deal-with each other with
out the intervention-of the middle man
The common carrier Bhnutd be the only
aniddleanan. The BlkhactCarriage and
Harness Co., of Elkhart, Ind., deals di
rectly -with the consumer. Their goods
sure shipped anywhere for examination
before'snler Bvery carriage, every sot j
of harness, every > article sold, war
ranted. One -hundred styles of canri- j
-ages, ninety styles of harness and forty- 1
■ome siyles of -riding-saddles. Send for
their 113 page catalogue. Tills eon
-eern -dues en extensive business
throughout the United States.
Wimt the fool does in the end, tbe-wise
mam does -in the ieginning.
Tw® bottles of fiso-s Cure for Consump
tion cured .me cfa bad lung troub e.—Mrs.
J. .Nichols, Princeton, Ind., Mar. hi, 18U3.
Yoamg man, dent be afraid to soil your
hands at honest-toil.
.Fltl-SIthtartBfetfiwIiyDr.Kllnii'iiflret
Nerve Men borer, ho Pits utter tlie Uh iiu v ■» um,
hurveUmecureM. Treatise am IS2 trial lain loti— t»
iucuaea. t>uihtt«Jjr.Jviu.e^31 AvcUbt.,l'hilu..fca.
That is tut auempty purse that is iull-of !
other men's anoney. I
Bkonckiti*. Sudden changes of the weath*
er cause Bronchial Troubles. “Brown’s
Bronchial Troches” silgite effective reliof.
A deceitful woman leaves tracks that will
expose her._
Hlfmst’e camphor !«• with Ql yen-ms
Cures ■»“<** and Knee. Tender er Sore Pep
Chilblains, Piles, *c. c. G. Clark Co., New Haven. c|
How a little girl likes tp say to a boy,
“Oh, you’re going to catch it!”
Who ever would learn how to talk well,
must first learn how to keep still.
-....
BETTER WALK A MILE 0«B*3i#f
to get a 5-cent package of 8u£ «■£: f!
Slash smoking tobacco if you must »*•
enjoy a real good smoke. Cot >
Slash cheroots are as good asimsMW'
5-ceat cigars, and yon get threg ftr S i
cents. Sure to please. ,
i , ■ ■ v . / . ...... ■ .
The admirers of a new Atchisoa dacSew -
say he can raise the dead. , • i
Never Out of Work. irsr rsj
most from PAINS and cannot work. ST. JACOBS Oil* (
will euro and lit them for work when the chance comes. ' , |
"Your Bat
PLUG
The largest piece of .good
tobacco ever sold for io cents
- .and
;Jhe 5 cent piece is nearly as
-large as you get of other
high grades for 10 cents:
HURRAH. FARMERS! SHOUT FOR JOY!
FiM. laxuriaadpaitanaaiMt rich maadoaa. aradactaf tramaaMaa ku TUtMidi.Ha—
»? »»WafoMaoa.lWa onararpaotl.la tiara <Hn, kjrHW<|| wir ---
aad Ctaaar Miriam Totwbb t>M< «« wait a UAtiaa for a food atari a* aia.ton
*»«*'*wMak,If•rwaln April, will pradaea a raaaiaf trip la Jat». *• -| ~rL
GiaaiCaltaia,ata..taaBMi>oata(a. -
__ . „.W,* f •4®0 •** OOLD PRIZ1S '
7ilk ***• »u,i ••*«*« Klaa (Sfaltaa ■aaaarrtUMM
1«1 *..*T7bu«Uta;tkaH«ia*wt-T.. Your.a Mat that la iMMaadaiaUlir Mpr
» Fatataca will raralatiaaiaa fomiaxt Wa ara IM MtCat
ltor aftka KaaMM—
new iMttd Barisy, OM, Ci^n and
will rvToIntioniM tarsi sc!
' Htdi nrodnct—a* tb« «dit
Jenny wimom Potato rUlSod lor mo 7M bnobsltyor mm. K«
•arty ®ort jrfeMo 7M bnahnls, wbnt will a lato do? Potato** an!/ |l fiO yor Wml.
5row*r« of farm oosdo in th* world! „
«lwn»y*-Hh#r » Early Wioeonois Potato
. , ... «A»LI«»T.VIMT«IIH IN TNI WOULD.
SplandM nrta, (aajtaUa. Oaioa Saad anlr We. par Ik. SB aka. Karliaat
B2tsssaJ!«ff-£=r"r^»- *-mCi-JSrta/SK
k*t (ja«teWiU4, is. yootafe.
Plaaii Cuttfca Following Oal and San* II
' g21i&-L2I£!S32 “4 mmfl*
Wiih 1] mta |v_
Waternaloa too option!
ton
0?HN A.SAL2ER SEEDjCpTlA
FIELD AND HOC FENCE WIRE.
SO. 88, 4B, BO, or 88 inches high. Quality and workmanship the „
Nothing on the market to compare with it. Write for rull Information*
UNION FENCE COMPANY. DE KALB. ILL.
fcr 1' - '■
* {
Rattlesnakes, Butterflies, <
and... ? J
Washington titling said, he supposed a certain hill was called ,
“Rattlesnake Hill” because it abounded in — butterflies. The I
“ rule ot contrary ” governs other names. Some bottles are, sup- ,
posedly, labeled •“ Sarsaparilla ” because they are full of . . . well, ^
we don’t know what they"are full of, but wo know it’s not sarsapa- ,
rilla; except, perhaps, enough for a flavor. There’s only one v
make of sarsaparilla that can be relied oa to be all it claims. It’s ,
Ayer’s. It has bo secret to keep. Its formula is open to all V
physicians. This formula was examined by the Medical Com- ,
mittee at the World's Fair with the result that while every other \
make of sarsaparilla was excluded from the Fair, Ayer’s Sarsapa- .
rilla was admitted and honored by awards. It was admitted be- (j
cause it was the best sarsaparilla. It received the medal as the .
best. No other sarsaparilla has beep, so tested or so honored, f
Good motto for the family as well as the Fair: Admit the best, ,
exclude the rest. ((
Any doubt about it ? Send tor tlic Cureboofe.'' ~ |
f It kUL< doubts and cum doublers. •• ”
Address: J. C. Ayer Co., Lowell, Usee. if
xmu AUKjiuntiu co. does half the ,
wfodmlll business, fconuiw it hu reduced Uw
triad power tu 1.0 v. uui Hwaa.« it hue auari
-houses, imd supplies ltacood* and
Sadtyuur door. It can auddoaa h
. batter article lor levs
'Mliera. It makes “
.Ueared, StfvL tta
. JttaaelcthiQ Windmills.
. and Fixed Steel Towrrs,8teei ~
Frame*, steel Feed Cutlers :
Grtmiora. On application it win
... of these articles that It will
January let at 1/3 the tmtal priori
Tanks arnTpumpsof all kluoa.‘“iiend lor r*
Factory I 12th. KackwtU aad FUlmert strata.
THB LAND Or THS
BIG RED APPLE
f b* Lart «In4 Imi l* W fca4 la (bo *<mm fl
For INFORMATION manllnf Uad tv 1
ft. W. X1MOVRI, writ* ft C«n.
Pvanv. flew city,' Him j. a. Heaton, fw*. Hw, .
T. M. raver, cassrUla, Me., or 1C H Smwn7a3m^
MM Meaadaook Hide. Ckkaru. m. '
PN8IOW^igfl&^.
izsmvitssvvms&igi
tthwtwar. lSadlmlumiingrf.1...
W. N. U., OMAHA—7—
When writing to advertisers, Ulnflty
meution this paper.