.'ICIAL DIRECTORY STATS. .Silas Holoorab . R. E. Moore ....j. A. Piper ate. j. S. Hartley .........Eugene Moore ,. A 8. Churohlll r;:r,Vuiidings::::..o.H.Kur1sei. |TS STATE UNIVERSITY. .Kearney; M.J.HuIl. jSOHESSIONAL. i,ns. 1'. Manderson. of Omaha; ’ ,,f ^.'^nrst District, J. BStrode ‘KrSj aem D Mikel iiiitner; Fifth, W. h. Ana O. M. Kem. JUDICIARY. .Samuel Maxwell ° " . judge Post and T. L. Norval !NTH JUDICIAL D1OTRJCT^ . .. J. J. King of O Neill .,;.V.'.A.L. Bartow of Ohadron ■’ . .A. L. Warrick, of O’Neill land offices. O'NEIU,. . John A. Harmon. . .Elmer Williams. COUNTY. ools. , ,.UUU IUUVUHVUWU ..istriciCourt.....John SklrjrlnK . .I. P. Mullen • ■ •. Sum Howard . BUI Bethea ..Mike McCarthy . .Gbas Hamilton . Chas O’Neill . ,.W. K. Jackson Mrs. W. B. Jackson .Dr. Trueblood . M.F. Norton 7.7.".'.’..H. E. Murphy SUPERVISORS. .Frank Moore . Wilson Brodle ..W. F. Eisele . .George Eckley .L. B. Maben .A. S. Eby . .A. C. Purnell . D. G. Boll .John Dlckau .U. B. Kelly . H. J. Hayes „7.7.7.7.’..’ ••••R. Slaymaker cy'" .B. H. Murray . .8. L. Conger John Houge ...Wm. Dell E. J. Mack .George Kennedy .James Gregg .F. W. Phillips .A. Oberle 77.Hugh O’Neill .D. C. Blondin .John Wertz .H. O. Wine .T. E. Doolittle ’.J. B. Donohoe .G. H. Phelps .J. E. While .A. C. Mohr Cl'lY OF O'NEILL. or, E. J. Mack; Justloes, E. H. uni S. M. Wagers; Constables, Ed. iul Perkins Brooks. OCNCILMBN—FIRST WARD. years.—D. H. Cronin. For one . McEvony. For SECOND WARD. years—Alexander Marlow. Jake Pfund. THIRD WARD. years—Charles Davis. For one er Merriman. i ' CITY OFFICERS. 0. F. Biglin; Clerk, N. Martin; ; John McHugh; City Engineer lsky; Police Judge, H. Kautzman; j Police, Charlie Hall; Attorney, j on; Welghmaster, Joe Miller. RA TTAN TO WNSIIIP. ior, U. J. Hayes; Trearurer. Barney j ; Clerk, J. Sullivan; Assessor, Ben I Justices, M. Castello and Chas. ! onstables, John Uorrlsky and Ed. ItoaU overseer dist. 20, Alien Brown I John Enright. 'US’ RELIEF COMNISSION. moeting first Monday in Febru h your, und at such other times as necessary. Itobt. Gallagher, Pago, Win. llowen, O'Neill, secretary; i( Atkinson. RICK’8 CATHOLIC CHURCH, es every Sabbath at 10:30 o'clock. Cassidy, Postor. Sabbath gohool iy following services. ODIST CHUKCH. Bunda ices-Preaching 10:30 A. M. and 7:3 No. 19:30 a.m. Class No. 2 (Ep &Kue) 6:30 p. m. Class No. 3 (Child r. M. Mind-week services—Genere !etlug Thursday 7:30 P. M. All wl welcome, especially strangers. E. E.HO !. HOSMAN, Pastor. No 86 The Gen j0l ill lost, No. 86, Department of N ft' will meet the first and thii evening of each month in Mason S. J. Smith, Com. Bp VALLEY LODGE, I. O :' M'Q' O. L. Bright, Be rIELD 8 on flrg ; Masonic t »OBH3 Sec Mte™teTau!hlr™h“’rBd^ J. C. Habnish, H, P JLL U' or —— c- EH. Bemedict, W. M. . (ourj'-rj^: 1B3 Meets geeon< ode ha.il. uay of eael* mouth li “■ut, ttec. [a'HTv.K.onLVndG8OLDEN’ ClC’ ENCAMPMENT NO 30 I Shm9„“th7n oSdnF and’*°'}rtt>‘ Fellows’ Hall Scribe, Ohab. Uuianx. EKUKtAHi2*(i.1> DAUGHTERS AoAMs.Socma^.V1U90N'N'0 RE D- H. Cbohin, Clerk —vuuiuuth. " ““u inn Wiojgg^GEo. McCctcuan, G. M. Po«opncEoiRcETORy Arriv»l of Mail, ,ar’4v's94B?RT l„; ' *£2&'£$iJL ‘>rrlvei '•'■Pt bundav Arrives !Xc»n. U J:0‘ p. M/Avrr,vea tPtbunday * Arrives 1 ... Sat-V *uura. and Sat a J^y.WwBDPAM>ocs GREWSOME HUMOR. Bow Certain Would-Be Humorists Deal Ll|htlj With Cnosnnjr Kul\|eeM. That was a bitter joke of the man in Texas who put a quantity of jalap in some beer his friend was about to drink. The funeral was well at tended. It is impossible to say who origin ated the above manner of stating a fatal occurrence, says the St. Louis Post-Dispatoh, but it seems to be quite generally followed by news paper paragraphers. It is a delicate way of putting it and reads much better than when one says: “He died amid the most horrible and excruciat ing agonies.” The whole story is told and the reader’s sensibility is not shocked. This style of paragraphing affords an opportunity for exercising ingenuity. Variety, freshness, and a oheerful not to say vivacious facetiousness might be mingled with the briefest notices of fatal casualties that other wise might be neglected by the reader or very briefly glanced at, as, for instance, the following: A man in Maryland the other day ate fifteen raw oysters on a wager, The silver trimmings on his coffin oost $12.85. A young man in Louisville exam ined a keg of damaged gunpowder with a red-hot poker to see if it was good. It is believed by his friends that he has gone to Europe, although a man has found some bones and a piece of shirt tall about twenty miles from Louisville iuonard fetrongarm, belter known as the “champion trunk smasher of Missouri,” found a box last week marked: “Dynamite—handle with care.” "Ha, ha!” said he; “dyna mite!” in a scornful voice as he seized it by the handle, braced one foot against the load, and yanked it on the platform. He never oame back. A circus rider in Arizona tried to turn three somersaults on horseback the other day. The management sent back to New Orleans for another somersault man. A man in New York couldn’t wait for the cars to got to the depot His widow had to sue the insurance com pany. A man warned his wife in Cincin nati not to light the fire with kero sene. She did not heed the warning. Her clothes fit his second wife re markably welL A small boy was hanging around a circus in Brooklyn the other day, when he opened the lid of a box marked “Boa constrictor.” That Bmall boy doesn’t hang around any more circuses. . A boy in Canada disregarded his mother’s injunctions not to skate on the river, as the ice was thin. His mother does not cook for as many as she formerly did. In Massachusetts the other day a man thought he could cross the track in advanoe of a locomotive. The services at the grave were very im pressive. The Endurance of Birds. Owls, as well as pigeons and other birds, have remarkable powers of en durance. Blinding daylight is the only thing that prevents them from covering long distances as trained pigeons now da When 600 miles oft the coast of France a big owl alighted in the rigging of the British steam ship Wildflower, bound from Rouen to this city. It was soon caught and its empty stomach proved that it had i not eaten anything for days, having 1 been driven seaward by a storm. Dur- : ing the day it could not find its way 1 back and alighted on the ship. Bat It Is In tha East. There are some curious manifesta tions of conservatism in this pro gressive country. The same conven tional outs of a cow, a horse, a steam boat and other objects that adorned 1 newspaper advertising columns fifty years ago are still seen in some news papers of Philadelphia and Baltimore and half the butchers’ account books in this country still bear a rude en graving of a fat British butcher in i high beaver hat standing beside an ox. It must be nearly a oentury i since there were any such butchers in the United States. What Some Names Mean. The name Europe signifies “a coun try of white complexion,” and arises from the fact that its inhabitants are of a lighter complexion than those of Asia or Africa Asia signi fies "between, or in the middle," the ancient geographers imagining that it lay between Europe and Africa. Africa signifies “the land of corn." It was celebrated for its abundance of corn and the Romans and other peoples used to import grain exten sively from that continent Worthy of Death. "What are those men going to do with that poor fellow P” “Goin’ to lynch him, I reckon.” “What for?" “He’s a scientist who says the sun is losing its heat’’—Pittsburg Tel egram. Whaleboat* Made Good Gunboat*. During the revolutionary war large whaleboats were fitted out by both sides, whioh made very effective gun boats. They were about forty feet long, mounted two small guns and oarried a crew of thirty to fifty men. Weatern Repartee. St Louis Man—Been rusticating, have you? Well, there is nothing like getting away from the noise and bustle of city life for a few days. Where did you go? Kansas City Man—To St Louia Carried It a lot( Time. Hotel Clerk—Tour faoe looks fa miliar, sir. Uncle Humsted—Likely ’nough. ywoff “wt It’s tho only one I ever baa—Truth. BLIND TO HBR OWN BUNDNBSS How a Sharp Optician TUM aa elderly Woman WUh Spectacles. "Curious,” said an optioian recent* ly to a New Tork Tribune reporter, "how sensitive some people are to the evidence of advancing age given by their eyesight. With many cus tomers I am actually obliged to re sort to deception to suit their re quirements. Last week an elderly woman came into my Btore and in quired for glasses. She said she knew her present glasses were too strong, couldn’t stand old glasses, eyes too young, and all that. I tried her eyes and found that the real trouble was the reverse of her state ment. " ‘Madam,’I said, ‘your glasses are too weak.’ “ ‘SlrP’ “ 'Precisely, you need two num bers stronger.' ‘Young man, you must be in sane, sue Baia, getting angry, 'l have only worn glasses a (ew months, and I wisn the mildest sort. I know It is so because the pair you have selected hurt my eyes dreadfully. Of oourse that settled it. I explained that I might have been mistaken, examined her eyes again, and said I had a pair of very -mild glasses, not so strong as her former pair in fact, but of excellent make, whioh I could recommend.' I produoed a pair and Bhe tried them. •• ‘Are they weaker than you Bhowed me before P” she asked. ■“Very much, madam.’ “ 'Weaker than my present ones?* “ ‘Somewhat.’ “ 'Well, now, you see I was right,' Bhe said triumphantly. *1 haven’t, seen so well in weeks. These are exactly right and I’ll take them just as they are.” ' * 'Of course we can’t put old glasses on young eyes,’ I said as pleasantly as I could, and she went out just as well satisfied as if she knew it alL” “Didn’t she P” asked the reporter. “Well, hardly. ” I had sold a pair of glasses to that woman one number stronger that any she had tried on, and but for my deception she would have ruined her eyesight for a bit of petty vanity. DOESN’T INVENT BY ACCIDENT Edlion DaeldM oa Beaching a Beanlt and Works Until It Comes. His genius comes near to justifying that definition of the word whioh nakes it an infinite oapaoity for taking pains, ” says a writer in the Review of Revlewa “Are your dis coveries often brilliant intuitions?' Do they come to you while you aie ‘lying£awake nights?1 ” I asked him. “I never did anything worth doing by accident,” he replied, “nor did any of my Inventions oome indirectly through accident, except the phono graph. No, when I have fully lecided that a result is worth getting, I go ahead on it and make trial after trial until it cornea I have always kept strictly within the lines of commercially useful inven tions. I have never had any time to put on electrical wonders, valuable limply as novelties to catch the pop ilar fancy. ” And he named in dis tinction some noted electricians who lad made their reputations through ihe pyrotechnics of the profession. “What makes you work?” I asked with real curiosity. “What Impels rou to this oonstant, tireless strug gle? Vou have shown that you care somparaflvely nothing for the money t makes and you have no particular inthusiasm in the attending fame.” “I like it,” he answered, after a. noment of puzzled expression, and then he repeated his reply several times, as if mine was a proposition that had not occurred to him before. "I like it, I don’t know any other reason. Tou know some people like iO collect stamps. Anything I have Jegun is always on my mind and I un not easy while away from it un ill it is finished. And then I hate t.” “Hate it?” I asked, struok by his imphatio tones. “Yes,” he affirmed, “when it is all lone and is a success I oan’t bear the light of it I haven’t used a tele phone in ten years and I would go )ut of my way any day to miss an in sandescent light ” Nebnohadneunr’s Hanging Gatina The "hanging gardens of Babylon" were built by Nebuchadnezzar to gratify his wife, Amyitls, a native of Hedia, who longed for something in bhis flat country to remind her of her mountain home. They consisted of in artificial mountain, 400 feet on sach side,rising by successive terraces to a length which overtopped the walls of the city. The terraces them selves were formed of a succession of piers, the tops of which were oovered with flat stones sixteen feet long and four feet wide. Upon these were ipread beds of matting; then a thick .ayer of bitumen, covered with sheets if lead. Upon this solid pavement larth was heaped, some of the piles toing hollow so as to afford depth for the roots of the largest trees. (Vater was drawn from the river so is to irrigate these gardens, which thus presented to the eye the appear ance of a mountain clothed in ver lure. —New Orleans Times-Demo jrafc _ In Brooklyn. First Boodler—I want to engage bhe services of a lawyer. Whom do ;jou recommend? Second Boodler—You had better retain Lawyer Bluff. "Is he a good lawyer P” "He is indeed. He is a powerful ipeaker. He is so thoroughly in lamest that in addressing a jury his words carry a conviction." "Then he will not da I’ve been indloted, and I don’t want a lawyer whose words carry conviction with' bhezn. It is an acquittal I’m ajtsr.— fexas Siftings. __ __ HB PLAYBD IN LUCK. And II* dot * Good Square Dm) tor Heinir Mni(hl. He opened the door of a restaurant and limped slowly up to the cashier’s desk in a pair of soggy rubber boots three sizes too large. ••My dear sir.” he whispered, loan ing confidentially over the railing, “I am sorry to disturb you, but my boot Is full of blood.” “HeyP” “Human blood.” “What do you mean?” faltered the cashier, instinctively looking tho money drawor. “I moan that I am bleeding to death,” said the new-comer calmly. “I shouldn’t think of intruding upon you,” he continued, “if the situation wasn't so serious. About an hour ago I was assaulted by two men and stabbed. I made no oomplaint I am gamo dean through, but I’m get ting weak now, and must have nour ishment. Won’t you give me a little something—anything you will, but help me fight for life. I am sorry to soil your floor,” added the stranger, glancing down apologetically, “1 see my boot Is leaking.” The cashier looked over the rail ing with a skeptical expression that quickly changed to horror. One by one the bright red drops wore oozing from the toe of tho stranger’s loft boot, making a small but gory pool on the restaurant floor. The cashier’s hair almost stood on "Hi, there, William," he called in agitated tones, "bring a bowl of beef tea, double portion, and anything else that’s hot and handy, and bring ’em quick." Ten minutes later the visitor limped toward the door. “Thank you," ho said, gratefully, I feel better already. I can get to the hospital alone now. ” "That’s right,” answered the oash ier, encouragingly, "and here’s fifty cents to help you." “Pretty rough case,” remarked a man who was paying his bill as the stranger was closing the door. "Hough?” ejaculated the cashier, "it’s awful. There’s lot’s of fakes come in here every day, but that fel low’s straight, I can tell you. ” When the injured visitor reached the corner he was joined by a thin young man. ••Any luckP” he asked anxiously. ••Yep." "Square meal?*’ "Middlin’." "Money besides?" "Some. The acid in. that oussed red ink is bitin’ my toes." A Human Ostrich. The following remarkable story of a human being, whose regular food was flints and other stony substances, maybe found in. the North British Monthly Register for March, 1760. The account is by Rev. Dr. R. G. Barr, a writer of good repute, and the story is believed to be a true relation of the facts as they came under his observation. Here is an abridgement of the reverend doctor’s article: "Early this year (1760) there was brought to Avignon a true llthopha gus. or stone-eater. He not only swallowed flints an inch long and half an inch thick, but such stones as he could reduce to powder with his teeth, such as common pebbles, marbles, sand, gravel, etc. These softer stones he chewed with his strong teeth until they were reduced to a sort of paste, which seemed to be very agreeable to this creature’s curious digestive appatatus. • • * I examined this man with all the at tention possible. I found his gullet very large, his teeth exceedingly strong, and his saliva very corrosive, so much so that when he Bpat on the iron floor spots were left that scrub bing compounds would not remove. His stomach was much lower than that of an ordinary mortal, which I imputed to the vast number of stones he had swallowed." Tweivn weoaint Bings. During the fourteenth century a practice prevailed among the wealthy Italians of having twelve wedding rings, one for each month, each set with a different symbolic stone. For January there was the garnet, for friendship; for February the ame thyst, constancy; March the blood stone, wisdom; April the diamond, innocence; May the emerald, happi ness; June the agate, health; July the ruby, concord; August the sar donyx, family increase; September the sapphire, to prevent strife; Octo ber the carbuncle, love; November the topaz, obedienoe; December the turquoise, faithfulness. Soldiers Defeated by Bee*. A German detachment operating in East Africa was recently routed by a swarm of bees. They—the soldiers, not the bees—were reasoning with a native chieftain by the means of grenades. The native levies fled, but a swarm of bees, terrified or ex asperated by the blaze of fire, sallied out to avenge the honor of the flag. Their stings drove the assailants in all directions and nearly killed an unfortunate sergeant who had been left behind. The Katydid’* Basle. Everybody is familiar with the music of the katydid. It is the male that has the voice’ At the base of each wing cover is a thin membran ous plate. He elevates the wing covers and rubs the two plates to gether. If you could rub your shoul der blades together you could imi tate the operation very nicely. A Great Truth. Gus de Smith—Do you know any thing about electricity? Mr. Fewcads—I know something about it Gu's—What is the best Insulator? Fewcads—Poverty. ODDITIES or THE BYE. Singular Effitota of Lights and Colon an tho Windows of tho Soak While the eyesight of many per sons is defeotlve, a still greater num ber have eyes which are unlike each other in seeing power. In fact, many praotloally make use of one eye only; the other having been originally a little defootlve, was by degrees oalled on for duty loss and loss and less> and accordingly degenerated. One gentleman is reported who could see, with his right oye, the figures on the faoe of a clook five-eights of an Inoh high at twelve feet, while he could see them as clearly with tho loft eye only at eight lnohes distance, and, curiously enough, this extraordinary difference in the powers of vision of both eyes was not detected by him until he had reached middle age. Many people are unable to keep one eye shut and the other open at the same time. This is especially common wi'th children, but less fre quent with adults, and it will be readily understood that In such oases considerable difference in the powers of the eyes may exist without being suspected. Sir John Hersohel men tions the case of an elderly person who by ohanoe made the unpleasant dlsoovery that he was altogether blind in one eye. nome simple ana easily performed experiments give Interesting glimpses into the constitution of the eye. Qo into a dark room with a candle. Looking at the wall, whloh should be of a uniform dark tint, on moving the candle up and down, dose to the outer side of one eye, so that the light falls very obliquely into it, one of what are called "Purklnje’s fig ures" will be seen. This is an ap pearance of a selles of diverging and branohed red lines on a dark field, in the Interspace of two or three of which is a sort of cup-shaped disc. These lines are the blood-vessels of the retina, and .the diso is the "yel low spot” or most sensitive part of the eye. In the same situation, looking still at the dark wall and keeping the eye fixed on one point, hold the candle at arm's length and move it to and I fro for a distance of about two inches ‘ on a level with the point toward whloh the eye is directed and a little I to the right or left of it, when a faint light may be seen moving in the opposite direction to the oandle and on the lower side of the point looked at. This light, if more near ly inspected, is seen to be an inverted image of the candle flame, equal in size to it, but very faint, and is, in fact, the light of the oandle reflected from the lens of the eye. Other in ternal parts of the eye also refleot some of the light that falls into it. but the images formed by them are not so easily seen. It is well known that the pupil oontracts mechanically in bright light and expands in faint light; but it has been found that to some ex tent, this change is under the con trol of the will. A scientific observ er, writing on this subject says that when fronting a window or other light he oan make the pupil expand or contract at the desire of any ono looking into his eye. The pupil is contracted while he steadily looks at the light, and when he wishes to ex pand it all that is neoessary is to take his attention from the eye and fix it upon some other part of the body without moving the eves. This' he does, say, by biting his tongue, pinching his arm, or in some such way. The sensitiveness of the retina is diminished by this means and the pupil dilates. It contracts again when the mind is once more recalled to the eye and the bright light The Last Atlantis. Atlantis was a continent supposed to have existed at a very early period in the Atlantio ocean, "over against the pillars of Hercules,” but whloh was subsequently sunk in a cataclysm of which history gives no record. Plato is the first who gives an ao oount of it and he is said to have Obtained his information of some Egyptian priests with whom he had some in oontaot Plato’s aocount aays that Atlantis was a continent larger than Asia and Afrloa put together, and that at its western extremity were islands which afford ed easy passage to a large oontinent lying still beyond—this last mention ed oontinent being now supposed to be South Amerloa. May Darling—And I am the only girl you ever really loved? Ben Their—Yea, darling; you are the only girl I ever really loved al though I have had numerous love af faire. May Darling—Why, I thought you fust said— Ben Their—Oh! you know what I mean. Just making love to girls and telling them they were the only ones I really ever loved, and all that—Puck. Commercial Statistic*. A Texas merchant as a personal favor took the son of a wealthy gen tleman into his office to learn the business, giving him the cash book to keep. “Does the cash account balanoe?” asked the merchant at the end of the first day. “O, yes, splendidly. There are aven $40 or $50 too much.—Texas Siftinga Dr. Price’s Cream Baking Powder Worid'aPalr Highest Modal and Plplsma, Chronic Nervousness Could Not Sleep, Nervous Headaches. Gentlemen:—I have been taking your RcstoratlvcNcrvlue for tbe past three months and I oannot say enough In Its praise. It has Saved fly Life, for I had almost given up hope of ever being well again. I was a chronlo sufferer from nervousness and could not sleep. I was also troubled with nervous headache, and had tried ' doctors In vain, until I used your Nervine. Yours truly, UBS. U. WOOD, Rlngwood, IU. Dr. Miles’ Nervine Cures. Dr. Miles' Nervine Is sold on a positive Jjuorantcotbnt the Brat bottle will .benefit. All druggists sell It at SI, fi bottles for M, or It will be sent, prepaid, on receipt of pried by the Dr. Miles Medical Go*, Elkhart, Ind, For Bale by all Druggists, READ. THE TRIBUNE For Telegraph, Local, General, State and Foreign News. Market Complete -THE SIOUX CITY DAILY TRIBUNE $6 Per Year. 60 Cents Per Month. QUICKEST AND BEST MAIL SERVICE Address: THE TRIBUNE. Sub. Dept. Sioux City, low*. h te 0 35 9 0 (0 iokata and Oonaisnj. Freight via the F.E.&M.V.andS.C.&P RAILROADS. TRAINS DEPARTi OOIHO BAST. Passenger east, • 0:20 A. x Freight east, • - 10:80 A, x Freight east, - • • 2:10 p. x, ooixo WIST, Freight west, • 2:10 p. x Passenger west, - 9:27 p. x Freight, - - 2:10 p.m. The Rlkhorn Line is now running Reclining Chair Cars dally, between Omaha and Dead wood, Jree to holders of first-class transpor tation. Per any Information call on Ws J. DOBBS, Aot. O’NEILL. NEB. PATENTS Caveats, and Trade-Marks obtained, and all Pat ent business conducted for Moderate fees. Our OrncE is Opposite U. S. Pateht Omec and we can secure patent in leas time than those remote from Washington. ; Send model, drawing or photo., with descrip tion. We advise, if patentable or not, free of!! charge. Our fee not due till patent is secured. A Pamphlet, “How to Obtain Patents,’’ with cost of tame in the U. & and foreign countries tent free. Address, C.A.SNOW&CO. Ow. PatentOffice, Washington, D. C. MANHOOD RESTORED! ffOTfiATSKS cuarantded to cure all nervous diseases, such as Weak Memory,Loss of brain Power, Headache. U ukelulnesa, Lost Manhood, Nightly Emissions, Narveus* nesr.allklraitis and )o»* of power In Generative Organs of either bv over exertion. youthful errors, excessive use of tobacco. QOlmm+t ulants, which lf*aci to Infirmity,Consumption or Insanity. Can be — * vest pocket. i£l per box, <5 for M5, by nuMI prepaid. With a96 01 - - refund the Ive a written guarantee to cure sr refund the money. Sold V rugglst*. Ask font, take noother. Write for free Medical Book sent . In plain wrapper. Address MBEYlilKP CO., Masoiilfl Teaflfr,— For sale In O’NelU, Neb., by MOKiUS * CO., Druggists.