THE POET'S WISH. — — . if': •- U«P< hr Nectar and Aarbroela. Bat Ordered Like a Buiqr Tratap. ••What," Mid the tell men, as he took e Met et e resteurent teble, “Is eo gross es eating P Why cennot we, people molded in the shepe of the gods, lire without this vulgar feed ing processP Why must we come three or four times e day, seat our Mires et e teble end derour messes of various sorts In order to keep our selves alive P In my Utopia I hope there will bo no eating or suspicion of eating. I went ell food to bo ta booed, oast away, anlhllated. 1 want to live without these pangs of hun ger which ere so unesthotlc and be able to bask day after day in the ( beautiful sunlight and hoar magnlA oent muslo, untrammeled by the thoughts of breakfasts, dinners end suppers end free from the enslevery of stomach—" "Will the gentleman order P” broke in the waiter. ••No, no; go awayl I ean conceive of no more benefloent fate than an eternity spent where there are no cooka I want nothing better here after than an aeon of life without a meal or the suspicion of luncheon. I pine for an epoeh of existence where there shall bo no thought of the grosser side of our anatomies. I long to live without hunger and thirst. I want to be where I can f worship art, where I can pay court to beauty in whatever form, where harmonious colors and soothing musio shall be my only stimulant—” ••Will the gentleman orderP" broke in the waiter again. ••—my only stimulant and where life shall be one endless succession of day-dreams and there will never be heard the ringing of the breakfast bell or the fanfare of the dinner horn. I—" , “Will the gentleman kindly or derP” said the waiter, for the third time. “I want—what’s that? Want my orderP” “Yes, sir,” said the waiter, “the other gentlemen are waiting. ” “Well," said the man, glancing hMtlly over the bill of fare, “you may bring me some pork chops and Bavarian oabbage, a sausage and a Mhooner of beer.” And he wondered why the waiter sniokered. HU Vl*w of It, “Very well, madam," said the tramp, assuming an air of dignified self-respect "If you do not wish to assist me that is your own affair. I am well aware that our profession is not respeoted as it should he, and yet there are many people occupying high positions in life who are worse than we-" “Indeed?" interrupted the woman. “Certainly, my dear madam. Did you ever hear of a man of my olass embezzling church funds or betraying the trust of widows and orphans? I venture to say that you h>: cannot recall suoh an Instance! Look backward, if you please, over the groat frauds of the last decade! Were they committed by members of Our brotherhood? Notone of them." And the lady was so impressed with |f his statement of the case that she forgot to watoh him closely as he passed the ohloken house—an over sight whioh she subsequently re gretted.—Detroit Tribune. A Yqathfnl FliRldar. He was a small boy, whose head was about on a level with the grocery f counter. He swung a tin pail in one hand and tightly clasped tour pen nies in the other. “Plnathe. thir, how muoh 1th a pint of milk?" “Four cents." “Then pleathe give me three thent* worth and a peppermint stick. My mother thald I could have the change, If there wath any, for candy, and she muth have known there wouldn't be any. It wathn't fair.” And the young financier walked gayly off with a large striped stick of candy and a very little milk splashing in the bottom of the paiL —Wisconsin. Mot ta hi* rut*. British husbands, when their din ner parties turn out failures, are apt to grumble at their wives for the cook’s misdemeanors, but they abstain from the practical style of rebuking practiced by the celestials. Recently the Chinese . professor at a university gave a na tional banquet to fellow professors and was muoh put out because the cookery was not to his taste. After a time he got up. bowed solemnly and said, “Go lickee wife,” and de parted, returning presently, smiling as blandly as usual, after having ad s' ministered judielous chastisement to his better half. will Aajr Bo Ditttndf Mi*- Dtrlej, reading—A shower ot rice thrown niter n bride and bride groom in England as they were atarting on their wedding journey caused the horses attached to their i- carriage to bolt; with toe result that the orldegrom was thrown out and V received serious injuries! Mrs. Darley, who has been re ■ fused money for a new bonnet, spitefully—Another warning against marriage. — Vogue. ‘ — ■ ■■ ■ ■ Am Kloetrla Onaibos ■ An omnibus driven by eleotrio etorage cells is now frequently aeen steering its way successfully through the heavy traffic streets of London, and a Chinese company have placed upon the market an electric carriage to carry four people at the rate of seven miles an hour PlugMl la Gloom. Late Stayer—Why, the lamp is w going out Effle, tired and sleepy—I suppose it thinks it's time something went out—Siftings... . A WOMAN'S QLANCE. OotQMqr of • Colored Olrl OfttuH ■ String of CotMtruphM. She was a piquant little octoroon, with a pretty faoe and stylish attire. As sho started from the curb at a busy junction near the Brooklyn city hall ahe gave a pert glance at a well dressed colored man who happonod to halt beside her, and ho turned to cross the street, too, says the New York Sun. The girl reached the opposite curb just as the man roached the middle of the street, and, as she turned to walk on, she gave another roguish glance and a toss of her head and hurried out of sight. The man's attention was attracted to the girl and he failed to note a swiftly approaching trolley car until it nearly ran him down; then he made a wild leap which would have done credit to a circus clown and landed on the curb on his hands and knees. A heavy two-horse team was coming in the other direction. The driver's attention was attracted from his horses to the antics of the man, and one of them slipped and went down on its knees. A few yards be hind the team was a trolloy road switch, and the switchman’s atten tion being dlvertod to the stum bling team, he neglected to turn the switch and allowed a car that should have turned off there to run several yards on the wrong track. Another ear following ran over the switch, others behind it were halted, and at least four cars in all had to back to allow the first car to take the switch. Then, as the second car of the string started back rather suddenly it bare ly escaped collision with a car run ning into the switch from a branch, and, narrowest shave of all. came within a hand’s breadth of running down an elderly gentleman who was crossing the street and who became confused by the shouting and irregu lar movements of the cars. And all this the havno of a woman’s eyes. Hla Henri In HU Stomach* Of a certain New York olubman, the Reoorder telle that he became desperately enamored of a charming country widow. She was not un mindful of hie passion, and invited him down to dine at her plaoe. He was something of a gourmet, and as she was richly endowed with the ac cumulations of her first husband’s trade in some patent medicines, the suitor anticipated a delicious little dinner which should make him ap pear at his very best when it came to putting the question. But when they were at table, and she served him only cold ham, Jelly, tea and lemonade, Us heart fell He had never made love after a dinner like that, and he could not rekindle the tame. It was no go and he gave it up. As he was making his adieux, the widow asked with seeming simplicity: “My dear Mr. W-, how does one get into New York so ciety?” His opportunity had come. It was a mean advantage, but he took it as he replied: “By not serv ing lemonade at dinner!" And he hurried to the station. The Hattie or the Rattlesnake. The growth of the rattle of the rattlesnake has been studied by a German scientist, who finds that the rattle is frequently shed, and, after being shed (his snakes were kept in a very warm room), in three or four months two rattles were present, their appearanoe having nothing to do with the casting of the skin. The snakes were made to register the vi bration of the rattle on smoked pa per, and it was found that the vibra tion was a compound one, consisting of the vibration of the tail as a whole, and of the rattle independent ly of the tail vibrations. The ap proximate figures of vibrations were, for the tall, 75; of the rattle, 110 a second. - The Valve of Advertising. A wealthy man endeavored to show That Fortune oomes to those who advertise. A poor man said: “’Twas money thrown away," And seemed the other's loglo to despise They argued long, till each to his own view, Unknowing, had the other one converted The rich msu hastened to withdraw his ads, The poor man rushed to have an ad Inserted A year ago or more Is It, 1 trow. Since those two men thus argued and con versed. One rich, one poor, they still exist to-day— But Fortune their positions has reversed. —Yankee Blade Ono Kind of Gold Bugs. The gold bugs which were so popular as ornaments a few years ago were most of them manufactured. There is a genuine gold bug, or beetle, colored a pure bronze, but it is found only in the tropics, and is not plentiful even there. The gold bug of commerce is simply the com mon June bug dipped in shellac or some other gum and rolled in very fine gold dust. After the dust has dried in the shellao, the bug, except in weight, would pass for a piece of genuine gold jewelry. Relics ol WuMagta'i Rattle*. Relics of the battles -that accom panied Washington's retreat from New York are still found in the Washington Heights region. A police officer long stationed in that part of the city made an extremely interesting collection of cannon balls and military bnttons and buckles picked up on the battlefield. JtMt a Glimmer. “Your sister was not at home last evening, Johnnie?” “You just bet she was!" “I didn't see any light in the par lor." "Oh, yes, there was, ’cause I heard pop say there was a spark there.” Candid, But Cruel. She—Am 1 the first girl you ever proposed to, darling? He, sincerely—No; but you are the only girl who ever accepted me_ Modern Society. THBIR FIRST OPPBN8B8. . a re at Writer* and How They Got Into the Itualneu. J. M. Barrie made Journalism a step ping stone to literary work of a more detailed style. So did Rudyard Kipling. Hall Caine began life as an architect, though he ever rejoiced In scribbling. At 18 he wrote a poem, which was fa vorably accepted, and some years later, during Ills leisure hours, he wrote "The Shadow of a Crime,” which was found ed on a story told to him when a boy hy his grandfather. George Elliot did not seriously turn her thoughts to lit erature till she reached her 37th year. It was In the summer of 1875 when she positively decided to write a story. Her thoughts grew busy, and one night she had a dream that she was writing a tale, the title of which was "The Sad Fortunes of the Reverend Amos Bar ton,” and this dream, as we know, be came a reality. Charlotte Bronte orlg nally Intended becoming a schoolmis tress, and studied In Brussels with that Intention, giving her services as Eng lish pupil-teacher In return. MrB. Has kell's tuition for literary work was let ter-writing. Some of her more dis cerning correspondents advised her to use her pen for the public benefit, and the suggestion was Anally carried out. H. Rider Haggard and Stanley J. Wey man both forsook the law for the pen, while Jerome K. Jerome and Morley Roberts tried profession after profes sion before they turned their attention to literature. The work of a literary aspirant Is "a mill that grinds exceed ingly small," and the pen Is no easy weapon with which to Aght life’s bat tles, but, as will be seen, choice rather than circumstances has In the case of many of our popular authors led to their adopting writing as a profession. IRISHMAN AND JEW. 4 Business Partnership That Has Bean Entirely Satisfactory. There is an uptown business firm, one of the members of which is an irishman and the other a Jew. The Irishman was born in Cork and the Jew at Cracow. They have been in partner ship for several years, during which they have built up a flourishing busi ness. The Irishman is beardless; the lew has a flowing black beard. The irishman is of the type of Rory O’More; the Jew is of the type of Moses, says the New York Sun. They are a mutual admiration pair and each has a solid •espect for the other. The Irishman is l rare wit; the Jew is solemn as the Talmud. The Irishman hap a fine Cork snlan brogue; the native speech of the Jew is the Polish Jargon, which he mixes with his English. The Irishman looks after the firm’s finances; the Tew attends to the buying and selling. The Irishman is a strict Catholic and goes to church on Sunday; the Jew is rigorously orthodox and goes to syna gogue on Saturday. The Irishman is ‘pudgy,’’ the Jew is lean. They agreed never ip talk upon religion, about which my dbagm: tbut as the one is a bi metallic democrat And the other a dem ocratic monometallist, they can always find a subject for friendly argument. The Irishman is older than the Jew but the Jew is taller than the Irishman. Both the Irishman and the Jew have large families and the children of both attend the same school. Most of the off spring of the Irishman are girls and those of the Jew are boys. The favorite tipple of the Irishman is ale and that of the Jew is wine. The Irishman is quick-tempered, the Jew is slow to wrath. These two business partners, one of them from Cork and the other from Cracow, have carried on their es tablishment successfully for years in this city, have divided the profits even ly every quarter, have never had a quarrel that lasted more than a min ute, and havfe made enough money to raise them above the cares of life. Surely they deserve to grow rich. DIDN’T RECOGNIZE THE COW. 4b*«ut-Minded Clergyman Lifts His Hat to a Beast. Several good stories are told of the absent-mindedness of some well-known livlnes, says an exchange. Of one popu lar clergyman ft is said that when walk ing on the Street his mind is generally ■0 thoroughly fixed upon some subject that he will pass by his most intimate friends without the slightest recogni tion. Once, when in the country, this minister ran full into a cow, which was calmly chewing her cud by the way side. Without noticing the nature of the obstruction, the absent-minded cler gyman lifted his hat and with a bow said: “I beg. your pardon.” Upon real ising the ridiculousness of his error, he made a mental resolve never to commit a like blunder again. Somewhat further on in his ramble, and while still ponder ing the same weighty subject, he ap proached a sharp turn in the road, be yond which he could not obtain sight of any moving object Turning the cor ner quickly, he came face to face with a lady and, before he could check Ms speed, nearly knocked the woman down. Dim recollections of the cow episode evidently flashed through his mind, for he said sharply: "Go away, you dirty beast" What the lady said is not re corded. Of another clergyman the tale Is told that he was once riding with a companion through the woods in Ver mont. For a long time not a word had been spoken, as the mind of the rev erend gentleman seemed wrapped up In some matter far from his surround Ings. Suddenly a fox darted across the road, directly in front of the horse’s head. The clergyman did not see it, and his companion exclaimed: “There goes a fox!" As if nothing had been said, the minister continued silent, still tMnklng of the weighty subject of his reverie. Fully half an hour elapsed be fore he asked, quite innocently: Patriotic, Indeed. At the last White House reception a woman wearing the American eagle on , her head passed through the blue room and shook hands in the most solemn fashion with the president and the ladies. No doubt she intended the head gear to be in compliment to the occa sion. Garbage on Trolley Cars. Uayor Jewett of Buffalo, N. Y., sug gests the utilisation of the trolley rail ways for carrying all street garbage out of the city from collecting stations es tablished at convenient places along the railway routes. Not a Nice Tor. A Coketon, W. Va., little girl put a dynamite cap on her lead pencil as an ornament. The experiment cost her three lingers from one hand and bad ; injuries to the other. REVENGE lg SWEET. And bpMlallr to the Writer Whose “Copy” lies Been Rejected. I was Just wondering which was the easier way to rest my head—by press ing my ear against the window casing, or by hunching down into the form of the letter "Z,” with my knees pressed firmly into the back of an Innocent old party from South Greece, and allowing my hump of conjugal love to rest fond ly on the row of brass headed tacks along the seat back—when a young man boarded the train at Adam’s Basin and dropped into the place beside me. He was a good looking young man, and somehow I fancied him one of the sort who dashes off little gems on one side of the paper only, with the very best ink and in a legible hand, and then wonders why he is not more successful in literature. He evidently had stopped in the postoffice on his way to the trail! to get "the returns," and, from the number of bulky envelopes in his hands, he plainly had received quite a lot. For a long time he sat with a near-by look in his eyes, and then he began, one by one, to shuck the manuscripts. There was a little printed form in every en velope, and the count of titles didn’t seem to fall short any. Not a solitary manuscript had stuck. I felt sorry for him. He sat there kind of sadlike, when suddenly the newsboy came through yelling: “Thi* smooth's mag’s, here—Censhry, Hoppers, Scrlb., Cosmo, ’Tlantlc, or-” He paused beside my literary seatmate to display his wares. And then a transformation took place. Shoving his hat back on his head, the spirit of revenge flashing from his eyes, the young writer exclaimed, in tones of most cutting Barcasm: "Thank you for the kind offer of the publications you name, but regret to say that I must re spectfully decline them. Rejection does not necessarily indicate a lack of merit, however, and you may be successful elsewhere. A variety of reasons may make it impossible for me to make use of them at this time.” And then the young man sank back with a smile of triumph, and the newsboy, with a stare, remarked, "Whach’er givin’ us?” and passed on. He didn’t understand It, but I did. I am an author, too. A WOMAN'S BRAVE DEED. Saved • little One From n Terrible Death. "Hl-hl!” shouted again and again a group of excited people who had a few minutes before been quietly sauntering along the streets of San Diego, In Cali fornia. The cause of the violent uproar soon became painfully clear. A herd of wild cattle was being driven through the town. Now, as Is well known, the temper of these animals Is uncertain, and on the afternoon of which we write the horrified bystanders had proof of this faet. A little child was playing in the street not far from the spot where the oaltta were passing, when one of the bulls—a huge creature, with large horns—made a sudden rush at the little one. Jo add to the terror of the scene, the drover was tipsy, and in trying to turn the furious animal he fell off his horse. Then arose those warning yells from the spectators, as they beheld the terrible fate from which, as it seemed, nothing could save the child. At this very moment a lady happened to come Into the street, and the noise of the tumult at once attracted her atten tion. She saw the child's appalling dan ger at a glance, and immediately sprang into the empty saddle. She suc ceeded in catching up with the wild bull, and threw her shawl over its head Just as it was about to charge the child. *h®n' ^thout lea zing the saddle, lifted the child to her lap and took it away to a place of safety. This bril liant act of bravery awoke round after round of hearty applause from every witnessed it; and as one reads of the splendid act one can almost hear the cheering yet. THREES BEAT THE STRAIGHT. Bow Dan Dale was Surprised by a New Orleans Poker Bole. "I lost a big pot of money In a poker game in New Orleans some years ago that taught me a valuable lesson," said Dan Dale of Chicago to a Washington Post reporter recently. "It was a table ii.? Bame and a very liberal one, all the participants except myself hav ing a goodly roll. I 'was in great luck, however, and had accumulated a lofty stack of yellow chips when disaster befell me and pretty nearly wiped me out. In this particular hand I drew one card and made a straight. By some sort of instinct that often comes to poker players I was dead certain that my opponent had three of a kind. Everybc*r else had dropped out and we begtfh raising each other until pret ty nearly all my cash was up. Finally I was forced to call, and sure enough the other man displayed three aces. I disclosed my straight, and said in a friendly way as I proceeded to rake the pot, ‘You play threes pretty strong down here.' “ ‘Tes,’ said he, ‘but not quite as hard as you play straights.’ “He ti.en, to my utter astonishment, began raking the chips over to his side. Of course I made a vehement protest, but to. no purpose. The other players voted me down in short order, and for the first time in my life I learned that the New Orleans sports rated three of a kind of superior value to a sequence. When you are in Rome you have to abide by the law of the Romans, and kicking Is of no avail. Very sore I was with _myself for not first learning the game* as it Is played in New Orleans, but lack of the information cost me the biggest pot for which I ever con tended." High Priced Autographs. At an autograph sale In Paris In De cember, ilHi the signature of Christo pher Columbns (which is, probably! one of the most fantastic sign manu als ever used) brought 4,000 francs, says an exohange. The only existing piece of manuscript in Titian's handwriting was knocked down at 3,000 francs, and one with Cromwell’s signature attached brought in exactly half that sum. Al fred Morrison, a great English collect or of autographs, was present at t))« sale and paid a sum equal to 4.00C francs for the only letter written by Corneille that has ever been on the market. The last letter written by Na poleon to the Empress Marie Louise was disposed of at the same sale, bring ing 4,000 francs, and several signature* of Louis XIV. mid HeriSry IV. fetched 1,000 francs each. CATERPILLARS AND SNAILS. Myriad* of Thom Stop Railroad Irate* In Turkestan and Northern Africa. A train in Russian Turkestan was re cently stopped by caterpillars. Near Klew an army of these creatures was crossing the track, making a bee-line for the nearest gardens, where it was their intention to have a good time stripping the young vegetables of their leaves. When the train struck the mass the wheels crushed them Into paste, but before It had made much progress they began to slip In the greasy stuff and the train came to a standstill. Another locomotive had to be sent for to &et the cars away from the slaugh tered Innocents. Meanwhile, it Is said that the uninjured caterpillars stood up by the side of the track and made faces at the engineer. It will be remem bered that some western trains in this country had a similar experience with grasshoppers during the last plague of these insects. In Algeria they have to keep a sharp lookout for snails, for the same reason. Only a short time ago, on the line from Souk to Arba-Bi*erte, a train was detained forty minutes by these creatures, which had come out In myriads during a rainy period. Just preceding, and literally covered the track. This accident probably could happen nowhere but in Northern Af rica, where snails are so abundant that they often constitute as serious a plague as do the locusts. They climb the trees and shrubs by thousands, crawl out on the smallest twigs and hang therefrom like bunches of grapes. It is not known whether they are of the edible variety; if so, the Algerians should not want for delicate food dur ing the open season. EUGENIE’S FATHER CONFESSOR A Wizened Little Man Who Wm Onee a Courted Church Dignitary. An Austrian clerical paper gives an interesting account of a man who, though once in the foreground of the most brilliant court In Europe, and still living, has entirely disappeared front public notice. The writer saw him at M. de Lesseps’ funeral—a pale, wizened little man with snow-white hair and beard. This man Is Bernard Bauer, for a long time a bishop, father confessor to the Empress Eugenie and a famous preacher. He pronounced the blessing on the Suez canal. He Is by birth a Hebrew and a Hungarian. He took part In the Vienna revolution, was publicly embraced for his bravery by Kossuth, then became a painter, and finally al lowed Father Augustine, who was no other than the celebrated pianist, Her mann Cohen, to convert him to Ca tholicism. As Father Marla Bernard he delivered his famous sermons in Paris, which the empress attended. He was then particularly handBome, his pale face framed by a dark beard, his blue eyes full of expression. What was ad mired more than all else was the use he made of tda delicate, beautifully formed hands. The woman raved of him, and he soon addressed all his ser mons to them alone. The empress named him her confessor, and to please her he was made a bishop. He became so much the fashion that had he not de fended himself he might have spent the twenty-four hours in the confessional When the republic succeeded the em pire he gave up his priesthood, and has since quietly enjoyed life. A WOMAN’S STRATEGEM. Her Clever Ruse to Get Rid of the Bailiff! Was Successful. A novel method of getting rid of men In possession has been discovered by an Impecunious lady living in the Rue Thiers in Paris. In an unguarded mo ment she opened the door to the men, who had been watching their opportu nity for some days. Finding what she had done, she tried to frighten the men by making a parade of legal learning. There were*severe penalties, she said, for taking possession without securing the attendance of the local police com missary. The baliffs only laughed at this, whereupon the lady went out to complain, as she said, to the police, and locked them In her flat. Shortly after wards she returned with two policemen and said: "Arrest those men. They have broken Into my place.” It was in vain that the poor wretches declared that they were honest broker's men. Possi bly their looks were Buspiclous. At all events the policemen, while muttering something about "having heard that sort of thing before,” marched them off to the police station. Arriving there they were soon released on production of evidence of their Identity. The men contemplate an action for false impris onment, but meanwhile they have to devise fresh means to secure an entry to the place from which they were sc unceremoniously ejected. Christina Rossetti. By the death of Christina Rossetti, literature, and not English literature alone, loses the one great modern poet ess. There Is another English poetess. Indeed, who has gained a wider fame but the fame of Mrs. Browning, like that of her contemporary, and, one might almost say, companion, George Sand, was of too immediate and tem porary kind to last. The very feminine very emotional work of Mrs. Browning, which was really. In the last or final re sult, only literature of the L. E. L. or der carried to its furthest limits, roused a son of womanly enthusiasm. In pre cisely the same way as the equally femi nine, equally emotional, work of George Sand. In the same way, only In a lesser degree, all the women who have wrltter charming verse—and how many there have been in quite recent times!—have won, and deservedly, a certain reputa tion as poetesses among poetesses. In Miss Rossetti we have a poet among poets and In Miss Rossetti alone. Con tent to be merely a woman, wise in lim iting herself within somewhat narrow bounds, she possessed, in union with a profoundly emotional anture, a power of artistic self-restraint which no other woman who has written in verse has ever shown; and it Is through this mas ; tery over her own nature, this economy of her own resources, that she takes rank among poets rather than among poetesses. Olrl* for City Weigher*. The mayor of Medford, Mass., the town of old rum, has appointed two young ladles as weighers of coal, grain and straw. Of course, this has 'made the chronic office-holders of the. male persuasion so mad that they can not even enjoy getting drunk. "There was auik' Of the store to-day "JJi man »t the supp^' got into a row, on6 i and then the croftj man who was struck a cart-stake and rushed1)!; blazing. I thought the other man’s br^ stepped right in betw^oj young heir had given tort as the narrative bis eyes leaned right Jr?! He was proud of hi, fatd he cned: -He coul