[ciAL DIRECTORY I c r 1T2. II ' .Silas Holoomb . B. E. Moore .. j. A. Piper j. S. Bartley Euiteno Mooro ,, .A. 8- Cliurehl 1 flVaiWlniti-.avltt Burnham, i’."" Lima- K P. Holmes, Hll.ltl. AlOlllt *“• *«. | Mull ", u‘ u. Kearney i M. J. Hull. .OllESSIONAL. I |.\ Mandorson, of Omaha, 1 M ndisoli. _ ,,.,-nrst District, J-B Strode l'i:'V:Tt,mh°wE.Aned r iluiner; “ | M. lvem. JUDICIARY. I ...Samuel Maxwell i j udie Post and T. L. Norval . J. J. Klnn of O Neill .i I,. Bartow of Chadron a! L. Warrick. of O’Neill Lyd OFFICES. A. Harmon, er Williams. count'™ .Oeo McCutchoon 1-rictCourt.Joh.8klj.vlng J. P. Mullen ..Sara Howard ...Bill Bethea "..'Mike McCarthy '....Ohas Hamilton ..Chas O’Neill w.K. Jackson Mrs. W. K. Jackson . Dr. Trueblood ..M.F. Norton . H. B. Murphy LTKIi visors. .Frank Moore ..Wilson Brodle . ...W. I’. Elsele .'.'...George Eckloy _L. B. Maben ..A. 8. Eby . ....A. C. Purnell . ...D. G.KoU .'.'.John Dlckau .H. B. Kelly ....K. J. Hayes . ,K. Slaymaker . ...R. H. Murray . .8. L. Conger .John Hodge . .Wm. Lell .V..E. J. Mack ..’.'.'.’.George Kennedy .John Alfs . ....James Gregg ,.F. W. Phillips . .A. Oberle .....Hugh O'Neill . , ..D. C. Biondin . .John Wertz . ...U. O. Wine . .T. E. Doolittle . J. B. Donohoe . G. H. Phelps .J. E. While ..A. C.Mohr 1Y OF Or NEILL. E. J. Mack; Justloes, E. H. S. m. Wagors; Constables, Ed. Perkins Brooks. NCILMEN—FIRST WARD, ars.-John McBride. For one ‘Yarman. SECOND WARD. irs—Jake Pfund. For one year THIRD WARD. ire—Elmer Merriman. For one Yagers. CITY OFFICERS. K. Dickson; Clerk, N. Martin; John McHugh; City Engineer ky; Police Judge, N. Martin; Dlice, Charlie Hall; Attorney, id; Welghmaater, Joe Miller. ITT AN TOWNSHIP. , John Winn; Trearurer, John k. D. if. Cronin; Assessor, Mose Justices, M. Castello and Chas. Uhtices, Perkins Brooks and Will );ui overseer dist. 26, Allen Brown oim Enright. .S’ RELIEF COMNISSION feting first Monday in Febru ear, and at such other times as cessary. ltobt. Gallagher, Page, "’m. Bowen, O’Neill, secretary; Atkinson. ICK’S CATHOLIC CHURCH, every Sabbath at 10:30 o’clook. .’assidy, Postor. Sabbath school following services. HIST CHURCH. Sunda -s-Preaehing 10:30 A. M. and 7 No. 19:30 a.m. Class'No.^ (Ep ue)0:30 i\ m. Class No. 3 (Child Mind-week services—Genera [lu8Thursday 7:30 P. M. All wil iconic, especially strangers. E. E. HOSMAN, Pastor. ■•OST, NO. 80. The Gen. Joh Post, No. 86, Department of Ni •will meet the first and thir enmg of each month in Mason! 8. J. Smith, Com. HN VALLEY LODGE, I. O. C 1 Wednesday evening i 'teui ’ krtting brothers eordlall N-u- O. L. Bright, Sec. LD CHAPTER, R. A. M L?.!’tWrdThursday of each Ksonie hall. ‘,HS Sec. j. c. Harnish, H, P ,’HELMET DODGE, TJ. otion every Monday at 8 o'oloo: bied°W8 “a11' Vi8ltinB breth iHIV K J-v-Goloen, C. '“T>- K. of K. and 8. ' encampment n< JI!Uets every seoond ant ach m°ath in Odd Fello' Scribe, H. M. U EUEKAHtS'41’1,AUt,! F.LD LODGE. NO OR If re ike’fuU of the ns T*lur8dl Wmm IBT'aec’ T.V.Golw ^Ei?eet pWorKM '^■kwlwh ery flrsl ’meiis, See,E°' McCutch Dr *a«. . S,,*,*0* THE Wkc. " PI ?ACInn ■■_ pacifto «, *.9:30 an ‘~-ieave3g hout line. 'tDtIs9:0"'**' ArHves «:07pm ^Unday. Arrives 7:ou P“ Sunday. ' arrives 7:00 f Wm? «'r.r.SEA. Tj^:ten»at7:00ai M^'st«-LASn»“® at-1:«0P> — ana Sat. Mo'^^«DPAt,r,OCK.. „0W ““"■•MBa£ .£;«•; „V°nday wi2D siobKar. ’ lew?’ ?<*>• and Frt at . owf' ur8‘ •Mo* w *KE ecu*,.-„„ at- -«:00 '*“<». and Frlday at‘ “Ha® SB SB FORTY niLLlON CAKES YEARLY. An Knffllah Divine Who Put mu End t® an Original Swindle. A curious case was discussed in an English court recently, says the Jewelers’ Weekly. It involved a question whethor Intentional decep tion was practiced in labeling a watch and chain as “Gold Watch and Chain." The obvious meaning of the wording, and one to which no exception can be (taken, was that both the artloles were of gold. A clergyman passing the store in the window of which they were displayed saw the sign: “Gold Watch and Chain.prioe £l,lls,Cd" (about $7.60). Considering the bargain uncommonly cheap, he opened overtures for a purchase. Before, however, putting upon it the final clinch, he demanded a written guarantee that the quality of both watch and chain was exactly as represented. Thrust Into an ugly position the dealer was forced to confess that the sign’s phresaology was deceptive; the chain was not gold. The admission in this instance was frank. The indignant clergy man made some strongly perti nent remarks. Angered at being entrapped and remonstrated with, the store-keeper threatened to eject his inquisitor. But he made a sad error in enraging the clerical custo. mer, who, it appears, had passed the university with flying colors as a finished athlete. “Look here,” said the old gymnast, “I don't want to take advantage of you, but if you lay a finger on me I’ll ‘trim’ you round the shop. You may take some persons to be old women, but you are in the wrong box this time." Further the , would-be ejector did not venture. A policeman was sum moned and the dealer arrested. The magistrate fined him, after which he coursed his way home, a sadder and a much wiser man. ALL FOR NOTHINO. If the La'dy Had Her Purse What More Cou'd She Want. An English lady, walking down the Lung ’Arno in Florence, missed her purse. The suspicious movements of a man in front made her boldly demand the stolen property. Too amazed to refuse the thief handed over the purse. Indignant at such broad-day robbery, the lady stopped an elegantly dressed gentleman and, in excited tones, began to Dour out her grievance. Merely waiting to hear “that man stole my purse,’’ the gallant Italian rushed after the thief, who promptly took to his heels. They had a good run before the thief could dodge his pursuer. The sun of a summer day did not help the polite Florentine to keep cool; so, red-faced and out of breath, he turned back to meet the English lady with profuse apologies. "Mad am, I am very, very sorry. I did my best, but your purse is gone.”' “Oh, no!" she replied, sweetly, “I have my purse. I got it back from the man." “Got your purse back! Per Bacco! What did you want, then?” “Want! Why, I want justice.” It was t'oo much, even for proverbial Italian urbanity, and, almost chok ing with sudden wrath, he gasped opt: “Justice! To think I should have run myself into a perspiration for justice!" She Shut Him OK A prominent Englishman, Lord D., and a proverbial hater of America and Americans, was dining lately in Paris with the British minister, and next to him at the table was a noted Newport belle, Miss X. The con versation had drifted to a discussion of things American. It is needless to say that Lord D. made some pretty disagreeable remarks about some Americans he had met and some Yankee customs he abhorred. “Why, d’ye know,” he continued with an almost unpardonable want of tact, “that at some of the places I dined in America I saw people eat with their knives and spill their soup on the tablecloth?’’ Miss X. was thor oughly provoked by this time, and she replied with apparent unconcern: “What poor letters of introduction you must have had, my lord.” There was no more unpleasant talk about America that evening.—Harper's Bazar. • Grog. Grog, a mixture of spirits an6 water, was so called from Admiral Vernon, a distinguished British sailor. He always wore a grogram coat and was callod -Old Grog” by his sailors. He introduced the ration I of spirits into the navy bill of fare, I and the mixture at once received his nickname. CIVIL ENGINEERS. TtoT Do Wot Allow Their Clerki to Ktof Private Note-Books. "He was the best surveyor and draughtsman in my employ,” said a well-known civil engineer a few days ago, referring to a man whom he had Just discharged. “I discovered a short time ago that he was keeping a pri vate note-book, and after notifying him that he must stop it and again learning that he was continuing the practice 1 was obliged to discharge him.” i asueci uio gentleman to explain what he meant by “keeping a private note-book." “A surveyor,” said he, “in doing a piece of work makes minutes aa he goes along of the lin es ho runs, of the various points marking the bounds of the lands ho is surveying and all such data as is not only necessary for the drawing of his plans, but also' inci dentally that which may aid him in the case of any other survey being made later on. “This data, you see, really con stitutes a sort of capital or stock in trade, for if the party owning the land ever wishes another survey of it for any purpose he will naturally apply to that same surveyor, who, having these old memoranda, can do the work easier and more cheaply than any other surveyor. Oftentimes, after many years have elapsed and old landmarks have passed away, those minutes become very valuable. “Consequently a civil engineer al ways wishes to keep these in his own hands, and men in his employ are not allowed to make copies of minutes of surveys which they make while in his employ. Otherwise an old employe, in leaving and setting up in business for himself, could carry away a large dice of his employer’s business. SPITTING SERPENTS. They Are Able to Blind a Man by Pro jecting a Fluid Into HU Eyes. The African explorer, V. Hoehnel, on his voyage to lakes Rudolph and Stephanie, encountered one day, after a long rainy spell, rolled up in a con ner of the basket in which the dishoB of the expedition were carried, a ser pent of narrow girth and about twen ty-seven inches long. His servant armed himself with a long dirk to kill the serpent, but the moment he approached the basket he fell back with a heartrending cry and covered his eyes with his hand. The snake had projected into them a tiny stream of burning liquid which caused terri ble suffering. Iloehnel came up and placed himself in snob a position ttint the wind would blow the liquid past his eyes should the serpent defend itself in the same manner it had done before. As soon as the snake caught sight of him it lifted its head and squirted two drops of black fluid upon his neck, which, however, produced no burning sensa tion oh the skin. An Arab guide, who had heard the cries of the explorer’s servant, came up, and, wrapping his turban around his hand, endeavored to make a dive into the basket for the snake. A moment later he, too, fell back blinded and covering his eyes with his arm. Iloehnel did not seek to repeat the experiment. He turned the basket over on the ground, and the serpent in its flight was killed with sticks, so that the mystery could not be solved as to the nature of its peculiar squirting qualities. The Lawyers Not In It. The shortest and most intelligent chancery suit on record was probably one—recorded by Mr. Croake James— between Lord Enniskillen and a lady litigant. It was about a piece of waste land that promised little har vest except to the lawyers, and his lordship called upon his opponent and proposed, instead of fighting it out, to toss for it. “Come,” he said, produc ing a sovereign, “heads or tails, ma’am?” This very sensible lady at once fell into his humor, and cried, “Tails!”—which it was. What rather spoils the story was that she had afterwards misgivings about the re spectability of this way of settling matters, and, selling the land in ques tion, bestowed it on a charity. How “Sizes’* Vary. When you speak of a man’s hat be , ing “about two sizes too large for him,” you do not mean that the proper fit would be a hat two inches smaller in either circumference or diameter; with his coat, however, when you say “size” you mean an inch. The follow ing may be of interest to those likely to get mixed on the question of “sizes” and inches. A “size” in a coat is ex actly an inch, in underwear it is two inches, in a sock an inch, in a cellar one-half inch, a shirt the same, in shoes one-sixth of an inch, in pants one inch, in gloves one fourth of an inch and in hats one-eighth of an inch. Difficulties of a Language. A French gentleman, whose admira tion for a party of Vassar girls con siderably exceeded his ability to speak it in English, met the women at one or two day festivities, aDd was suffi ciently impressed; but when, at an evening reception, they burst upon him in the bravery of full-dress, the admiring Gaul felt at once the handi cap of his vocabulary. “I can not say,' he confided to one of his hosts, “how beautiful the young ladies appear in their night-dresses.” About Quinine. Of the 7,000,000 ounces of quinine annually produced in the world, the United States uses 3,100,000, or nearly one-half of the entire output. There are eighteen chinchona or quinine fac tories in the world. This comprises one establishment in Holland, two in England, two in Italy, three in France, four in the United States and six in Germany. If we are not mistaken there is some experimental work in the same line being conducted in Bua aia. '-• - - --. RELIABLE * PERJURERS.. An Iagealeas Form of Hlsrkmsll CurM Oot With Tholr Help. In speaking of men who earn' their living by swearing false baths, one of their number says: “A reliable per jurer is a valuable man. There are several broken-down lawyers, who, Bhut out from the codrts, make it part of their business to keep in contact with omen who, for a consideration, will swear to a lie whenever required The names of these people they place on their books, and whenever a dis honest litigator in want of a witness applies to them they are ready to sup ply the demand within half an hour. B F°r instance, take a swindler who is in want of money. It is quite easy for him at night time to feign to have been knocked down by a carriage or cab, and then to sue for damages. To make his case thoroughly strong he can even take his false witnesses with him, so that they may put in an ap pearance when the name of the driver is taken. The result of tho over whelming presence of witness gener ally is that the case is settled out of court. “In this manner any number of blackmailing cases are got up which never come into court on account of the defenseless position of the victim. The blackmailer, with his accomplices, merely pays his victim a visit, during which they make a definite charge, and tho usual result is they retire with the money they asked for in their pockets. "They seldom go into the bos, for their ‘evidence,’ as a rule, is so ‘com plete’ that the opposing side gives way. It is quite easy to get hold of a man who is willing to swear to an ordinary llefor $1, while, as for alibi witnesses, they can be obtained in almost any saloon for the. price of a few drinks. “Some false witnesses, however, are paid very high sums. A friend of mine abroad was once offered $350 by a party if he would swear to a certain thing; the nest day he was offered #300 by the opposing side, who, of course,had no idea that he had already been approached. DIDN’T WANT TO BE BURIED. And the Supposed Corpse Leaves the Undertaker In a Harry. Quite recently a team was passing up one of the leading streets of Kennebec, Maine, when the horses became suddenly frightened and ran away, throwing out the fellow who was riding. He was badly shaken up and his condition seemed 'to indicate that he was done for during his sojourn upon nratha/ earth. An undertaker who happened to hear of the fellow’s misfortune and sad condition Immediately made haste to the scene of disaster, equipped with everything necessary to care for the fellow who was supposed to have so suddenly passed away. 'It seems he was placed in the wagon, and then the undertaker started with his supposed corpse in posthaste for the man’s home. He had not gone far when the man recovered from his deathly (?) slum* ber and revived sufficiently to take in the situation and leap from the wagon and reach a small hotel they were just passing. Imagine the intense surprise of Mr. Undertaker a short time after, when he had gone but a little distance and looked around and discovered that the single Indication of there having been anybody in the wagon was the manner in which the robes were left! Truly the hard times have made business dull in every line and per haps the poor undertaker has shared with the rest. It may seem a shame that he lost this opportunity of earn ing an honest dollar and performing a faithful duty. MADAM’S FINGER-NAILS. She Has Them Shaped for “Execution,* ••Exhibition” or ••Escape.” This is a progressive age, and the “manicure lady” is up to date. She has among other things for finger-nail culture technical terms that may be edifying to the people who are com pelled by a snarled-upiskein of circum stances to wear hands au natureL “Will madam have her nails shaped for exhibition or execution?” “Don’t know what you mean.” “Ha, ha,” she gurgles, and proceedt to inquire: “Does madam play on the musical instrument or the type writer?” If it is a key-board she must have the escape nail; if the violin or banjo or any strings she cuts the nails low, quite far below the finger tips. The patron plunks the banjo. She takes the decollete style, and when the operator is through with her hands the flesh stands up+above her finger nails like cushions. The “exhibition cut” is for idle hands, and the nails are tinted and filed into curves as nearly like the moons at the base of the nail as they can be shaped. Awaraea Highest / Honors—World’s! Fair, DR from Ammonia, Alum or any other adulterant. 40 YEARS THE STANDARD. v THE TUB TOW STANDS ON ITS OWN BOTTOM MANHOOD RESTORED! rev* Mmm.« suarauloud loinin)n;i mirvouedlMaMe.nioli nit VV«nk Minunr^ *UoaaC o-'c year the ablest authors, the cleverest artists, •iUva:.' t'jh pages, with over ie iil’-nt rat Ions. A.-.i