HARASSED WOOL MEN
■HOW THE DEMOCRATS HAVE
CHEATED THEM.
■A Alinrt Chapter on the Condition
Whltli (.'onfront* Ilia Wool (Irowera
—Iloar chi* They Villa the Democratic
Ticket?
Magnificent an linn boon the allowing
of the wool tndautry in tho United
States in the punt twenty-five yean.,
.jet It has during that time encountered
f- •» constant friction. Whenever the
Democratic party has been in power,
■which, unfortunately for the wool in
terest, has been much too often, it has
brought in a tree-wool bill, and we
think it is no nearer fruition now than
In Fernando Wood’s time or Mor
rison’s time or Mills's time. And
.yet the Democrats put the fat
In the fire always, not only
their own fat, but, unfortunately, the
|S\ fat which the wool Industry should
have. As it is now it is rather lean
after twenty to thirty years of Demo
cratic agitation of free wool. What is
the most puzzling in it all Is that a
man engaged in any way in wool grow
ing or wool manufacturing should ever
vote the Democratic ticket, and It
would seem as though only by hypnot
ism or witchcraft could any sane man
tie Induced to vote for a party which
has done nothing but harass tho wool
Industry. It has been all loss and no
Stain, for not n step 1ms been gained by
them, and only for tho selfish desire
a party cry do they ittilk free wool.
We are quite sure that the common
sense of the people will again bury the
Democratic nartv fora thnn 1,1,t
fortunately, there is always a resur
rection like that of 1800, and then
-comes again free wool. We must have
. patience and down the devil whenever
he turns up. Our sympathy goes out
to those in the wool industry, for the
many shipwrecks of fortune of the past
thirty years are almost wholly due to
free wool agitation of the Demo
crats. And what have they
gained hy it? It lias occasioned
Si,- not only loss to wool men, but, like
wise, loss to the Democrats, us Grover
-- 'Cleveland mny remember. Now in
1893 the Democratic party again throws
-down the Cleveland guantlet. Will not
the answer of 1S92 bo the sumo as in
intelligent enough to enable us to man
ufacture at home everything that we are
not precluded, by climate or other nat
ural causes, from producing. It Is an
American policy, broadly, consistently
American, and as such its most appro
priate emblem is the American flug.—
American Economist.
OVER PRODUCTION.
A Lennon Inf muled for the Auie'lcen
Farmers to Head.
The trouble with the American
farmer for the past ten years or so has
been overproduction, lie Raised more
than there was a market for at paying
prices. Vet tills overproduction lias
existed only in particular lines, as
wheat and corn, for example. All the
time we have been importing immense
quantities of other kinds of farm pro
duce which lie might just as well have
supplied us with. There, for instance,
are the items of beans and peas, of
which our small exports have been de
creasing while our imports have pro
gressed in the opposite direction, as
will be seen below:
Exports and Imports of Beans and Peas.
Imports. Exports Imports.
1891.*1.050,768 1281.003 tl,405,ro.->
1890. 1,*30,9*7 SOI,112 909,075
1889. TOM 8.1 294.450 471.027
1888. 1.043,801 25.1,170 1,089,0111
1887. 018,388 3*7,223 261,100
Now, beans and peas are profitable
crops, and there is no good reason
why we should have to import a bushel
of the ordinary kinds. That is the
view the framers of the McKinley
tariff took of the situation. So they
raised the duty on beans from 10 per
cent to 40 cents a bushel, and the duty
on peas from 10 per cent to 20 cents a
bushel. With this additional protec
tion our farmers can now go on and
turn some of their wheat lands into
beans and peas and be sure of a fair
price for their product, regardless of
Canadian competition, while at the
same time reducing the pressure on
the wheat market.—American Econo
mist.
SOME TARIFF SERMONS
How America Prospered During the
Free Trader Periods
Free trade lias hud five periods of
relative prevalence In the history of the
United States—1. e., there have been
five distinctly marked periods when
foreign competing imports have been
freer than at any others to enter our
ports, to the subversion and overthrow
thing to do la to put the article on the
free list at once.—Boston Evening
Record.
Paragraph 536 of the McKinley tariff
law speaks for itself. The coal con
trolled by the combine is on the free
list. It occurs to us, in thinking of
the blissful ignorance of the Record’s
tariff editor, that there is at least one
home industry which seems to flourish,
although it receives absolutely no pro
tection. However, we shall refrain
from invidious remarks.—American
Economist.
A Prediction That Will Coma Trua.
[Prom Bourke Cockran's Speech In Chicago.!
I believe it was the distinguished
gentleman from Massachusetts—Gen.
Collins—who declared there were no
Democrats in this Union who would
vote against that ticket; but there arc
behind him two heroes whose deeds
have not escaped the attention of his
tory—two heroes who have led
the Union armies to victory,
and who have never made
faces at the vanquished foe; and they
will tell you here that the soldier vote
of the State of New York, of whom
they are 25,000 at least Democratic,
will not support the nomination of Mr.
Cleveland, and did not support it in
1888. [Gen. Sickles rose in his plnec,
among the New York delegation and
said: “No, no, never.” There were
three cheers and hisses heard about
the hall and in the galleries.]
A Tariff Picture.
In May, 1890, wo paid foreigners
_$229,422
for imported cutlery. Last May we
paid only _$53,103
for foreign cutlery. We used just as j
much cutlery as before, but we bought |
of American makers instead of Euro- |
pcun makers.
Hill and Dana*
A new substance has been discovered
that has nine times the power of ex
tinguishing fire than water has. Some
of this stuff ought to be made up into a
cocktail for David B. Hill. It might
also aid Dana’s digestion of the over
indulgence in crow which he is just
now giving way to.—Ex.
Tlie Postoflloe Department*
The postoffice department has been
a model for the conduct of public busi
ness under this administration. Noth
•• flr iP
r^££ 77f/j£>e]
dvfi
faTi-T/iMM/tr
Sr—*
A}ot>£fflr£ fifvrfen*
ftp
.K'rs*
/lvr/-7i^cE S/u-.\
s
^ SORRY PLIGHT The Status of the Democratic Canvas Is Appropriately Illustrated
in the Above Picture.
• 1888? We think so, or the wool grow
• ers and wool manufacturers have for
gotten their cunning. “Whom the gods
Wish to destroy they first make mad,”
but this recurrent madness makes it
worth our while to put the entire
Democratic party into bedlam or we go
• to ruin ourselves.—American Eeono
v mist. _
THE ENGLISH POST.
JV It Is Trying to Susak Out of an
Uncomfortable Position.
'In the campaign of 1888, who can re
•call without shame the impudent ap
propriation of the National flag as an
exclusive symbol by tho Protection
party, and the relegation of its oppo
nents to the British flag, thus pro
claiming a moral disfranchisement, de
uatbralization and deportation of onc
, ihalf the citizens of the United States.
—The New York Evening Post.
Without attemptiug to answer the
TPoat's broad question, we simply de
: sire to call its attention to the follow
; ing editorial utterance of another
j j great Mugwump free-trade newspa
per,'the Boston Herald:
“The American flag is simply a num
T>er of pieces of textile fabric, of three
• different colors, sewn together for the
purpose of making a predetermined
-com lunation.”
When free-traders are found sneering
i at patriotism and ridiculing all feelings
• of veneration for the American flag,
-when they advocate a policy that
would break down our industries and
tjtiand over our markets to foreigners,
W. they surely cannot blame protection
data for classing them as adherents of
(Ureat Britain rather than of the United
States. Whatever else may be said of
our protective policy, It must at least
be admitted that that policy—the
. American system, as it was named by
i ifp great expounder, Henry Clay—is one
whichis designed to stimulate a sound
' ■and healthy American sentiment. It
•emphasizes the importance of American
(industries, American markets and
•American workingmen. Its funds*
i. wnental doctrine is that American skitl
la-great enough. American talents are
«vanted -enough, and t m rrican laborers
of domestic competing industries.
These were:
1. The colonial period, ending with
throwing over the tea in lioston har
bor and the battle of Lexington in
1775. The liritisli parliament forbade
us to manutaeture in order that they
might monopolize our market. This
chiefly impelled us toward the war for
independence.
3. The “peace under confederation”
period from 1783 to 1789, when no na
tional duties on imports existed. This
chiefly impelled us to adopt the Federal
constitution.
3. The period of the so-called recip
rocity treaty with England in 1816 to
1834, culminating in the financial crisis
of 1817-19.
4. The compromise tariff period of
1833 to 1843, including the unparalleled
crisis of 1836-39.
5. The Walker Tariff period of 1846
to ’37, intensified by the further re
duction in ’37 and thus prolonged to
March 3, 1861. This period was marked
by a general poverty or “hard times”
crisis, setting in in the summer of 1854,
continuing into a bankruptcy and non
payment crisis in 1853, which caused a
mercantile bankruptcy crisis in Eng
land in 1836, and this reacting produced
the bank crisis in America in 1857,
after which the country struggled on
in a pauperized condition until 1861.
Without a single exception, our
every approach to free-trade brought
^disaster, particularly to farmers and
working people.
| Do we want any more of it?—Amer
ican Economist. *
Another Trust!
Coming from Boston, the city of cul
ture, the home of the Mugwumps, this
is refreshing:
So the coal trust is going to put up
the price of that commodity by 35 cents
a ton. Well, there is but one answer
to that scheme, provided the anti-trust
law will not break it, and that is to
allow New England to buy her cool
wherever she can get it the cheapest.
We believe fully in the protective
tariff, but when it is used by these
trusts to bleed the people, then the best
in# in the way of suggestion from any
service in the world has been neglected.
1 he postoffice service is fully abreast
of the requirements of the age,- and is
being improved every month.
Oh, Ye Gods!
The Louisville Courier-Journal thinks
that the majority report of the commit
tee on resolutions to the Democratic
convention showed that there were
"representatives of the painted harlot
of protection on the committee.” But
the result shows conclusively that the
protectionists were not in it.
The Lew of the Land.
Gov. McKinley remarked recently
that all the principles of the first Re
publican national platform are now
incorporated in the laws of the land
And no party dares come forward and
demand the repeal of any of them.—
Bulletin.
Don't Mistake Them.
There is the old whimper from the
South that the People's party will not
support the Democratic ticket But
they will. Western farmers, should
have learned enough wisdom to know
that by this time.—Bulletin.
Tammany.
The Tammany braves
To save their lives.
Are sharpening up
Their uumalpgn knives.
An Interesting Incident.
One of the interesting features of
the revival of ‘'Richelieu” by Henry
Irving at the Lyceum theater in Lon
don recently was the presence in the
stalls of the veteran actor, Henry
Howe, who “created” the part of Fran
cois in the play when it was first put
on the stage. That was in 1839, when
Mac ready acted the title role, and Mr.
Howe was then a young man of 29.
He is now a hale and handsome ocfa>
genariac.
Solicitude.
Tramp—Say, sonny, ask y’r mother
if she kin spare me some old clothes.
Little Boy—All right, 1 will; but
(with some concern) I’m ’fraid you’ll
trip no in 'em.—Good News.
BROKEN PROMISES.
Sham Pretentions of Economy and
Heform—The Herord of a Hrluriu
Legislature.
Two years ago the populists, seeking
election to the legislature were loud
in denouncing republican extrava
gance and in their promises of econo
my if elected. Every voter in the
state who reads these lines will recall
vividly the campaign then, and remem
ber how the charges of republican ex
travagance were boldly made in every
school house, and at every picnic all
over the state. And how Die* Dodson
and Shrader and Poynter and Elder,
and ail the other independent canai.
dates dweit with telling effect on the
question of republican extravagance,
in general appropriations of public
money, and in a useless array of
clerks or hangers on at the legisla
ture. And when these charges were
made at each gathering of the Alli
ance people, the farmers cheered to
the echo the battle cry of the Inde
pendent^ ••Turn the rascals out, and
putin honest and economical men.”
Weil, the people turned the republi
cans out. ana put the populists in
power in both brunches of the legisla
ture. Did they redeem their oft re
pealed promises of economy and
reform? The record of that alliance
legislature shows that it was the most
flagrantly extravagant body that ever
convened in the state. That legisla
ture spent more than half a million
uwiuno ±u c.wcaa ui aujr umuuuo sea
sion. Deducting the $250. U00 appro
priated to the drouth sufferers ana the
Columbian Exposition, which was
lauaible .ana proper, there remains
over a quarter of a million, which they
appropriated in excess of any former
session, and which no independent
member, now seeking re-election, can
explain, as in the line of the economy
nnd reform which they promised.
Where are now the transparencies,
and the banners they carried, whereon
was inscribed “Down with big aDDro
priations!” “Down with republican
extravagance and up with alliance
economy and reform." What has Dick
Dobson, and Marsh Eider, and Shra
der and Gunnett and Stevens and
Poynter done with these transparen
cies, and why don’t they bring them
out again and use them in this cam
paign? Mclieynolds and Shrader and
Poynter and Gunnett were members of
that “economic” session, and each of
these have been promoted by his party
to a candidacy for higher position. On
what ground were_ these promotions
made? Was it on the ground tnat
these men had kept their promise of
economy? Or is it not true that
the leaders of the farm movement
have bplaiy throfrh off all
obligation as to the pledges they
made two years ago, and are now
using the movement in a bold and des
perate scramble for office for the sake
of the offices alone? It cost the tax
payers of Nebraska $250,000 to ascer
tain that Poynter and Shrader and
Mclteynoias and Gunnett deliberately
duped their followers when they prom
ised economy. It cost $8.335 per day
in that session, more than for any !
former session; $8,335 per day. or !
$1,390 per hour. In the senate, where \
there were oniy thirty-three members, j
these reformers had 118 employees, or !
four to each member. Bring the old j
transparencies that the independents i
carried in Poynter’s campaign of two
years ago, and ask the reform senator
to explain. the four men he had to
wait on him in the senate; for a
junketing trip to Texas, $450; paid to
a coterie of jack-leg lawyers as contest
fees. 10,900. Pyrtie, the reform sec
retary of the senate, got in 150 days in
a sixty day session, and was pitid j
therefor $600. But that was not I
enough for Pyrtie. the reformer. He
filched $1,500 from the people for
compiling the journal of the senate, a
job for which Walt Seeley had oniy
gall enough to charge $9u0. Reform
comes high. In fact it is quite a lux
ury and only prosperous and growing
states can afford it Erick Johnson
drew pay for 150 days out of a uossibie
BO. and was paid $600 therefor. In
addition to that ho filched $1,5U0 for
compiling the house journal, making
$2.100 in all. which this innocent re
former drew from the people's money
during a sixty day session of their re
form legislature. The sum of $30,000
was paid to the gang of hangers on.
who hud brought up the country pre
cincts in the great reform campaign;
$30,000 to employees alone in that one i
session of sixty days; «36.000 scattered j
among the strikers in the county !
precincts would amount to $400 in j
Bach county. But us these mumiu., !
came largely from the forty western
counties, the amount distributed
amounted to nearly |800 per county in
the western part of the state. No
wonder these members had snouters
in each precinct, who secured first
their nomination, and then their elec
tion. For postage $2,360. That means
that each of these innocent reformers
wrote 900 letters during the sixty days
he was in the session.
There were custodians of cloak
rooms, custodians of the halls, cus.
too tans of committee rooms, custodians
of brooms and brushes, of hata cans
and overcoats, of cusoidors and ink
stands custodians literally swarmed
aoout the building in every conceiva
ble place, all drawing as hard as they
could at the public teat, but there was
no custodian of the public fund. The
chaplain of the senate, who a ayed for
reform and agonized at a throne of
grace in behalf of the tax-ridden oeo
ple. charged the state with eightv
cine prayers twenty-nine more than
be ever delivered.
At Beatrice in the first joint discus
sion between Judge Crounse and Van
ftycic. Judge Crounse said: -Tam
lot here to say anything against the
•armers alliance. For that organ
zation I have the profoundest resoect
ind am wnh them in their gnat
notto Equal rights to all and social
>rivileges to none.’ I do not come
lere with my record pinned to my
arm, but simply refer to my record u
a judge, u legislator and as a member
of congress to determine my fealty to
the cause of the people of Nebraska.
When in congress I put through two
bills to tax those railroad lands Mr.
Van Wyck's congress left untaxed. I
respect honest John Powers and the
men iike him and their principles.
When they hud mnuo a political or
ganization possible, then wo find Isrna
tious Donnelly. Van Wyck and Paul
Vanaervoort trying to ride into power
on their backs, and honest John Pow
ers is sidetracked. I have the pro
foundest respect for the principles of
the alliance, but the profoundest con
tempt for the political montebacks
who seek to ride into political distinc
tion on the backs of the founders of
that alliance.
••The reference of Mr. Van Wyck to
Mr. Carnegie is unfair and dishonest.
He bas no right to inveigh against
such a mac as Mr. Carnegie because
he is rich and because he has founded
and endowed so many institutions for
the benefit and education of his less
fortunate fellowmen. Before he in.
veighs against Mr. Carnegie let my
friend point to one single institution
that bears the name of Van Wyck. I
propose to show that my friend Van
Wyck is worth $500,000, and know
that be owns one of the grandest and
! most paiatiai residences in Washing
ton, which now shelters the chief jus
tice of the United States us a tenant.
Ho has other valuable property here,
j too. I am glad that he is rich and
I that he is the only one of the Nebras
, leans in congress that bas ever been
I able to build a mansion in Wasning
I ton.”
The speaker then came gallantly to
| the defense of the administration as
against the insinuations and charges
impiied in the preamble and platform
of the independent party.
how rv<*i>raMiiu um nriaiupui
Fur a year or more be had to act as
an apologist for the state of Nebraska,
to answer and refute the charges of ca
lamity made by the iudepenhentsjmost
of the mortgage indebtedness charged
to the state of Nebraska was by those
who are now absent from the state;
young adventurers who took up claims j
and upon proving up on them, mort
gaged the land for all it was worth,
then left the state with no intention of
returning or ever redeeming the mort
gage. He then proceeded to show
that the republican congresses had al- ,
ways been friendly to the farmers and {
cited that the best eiTorts at legislation i
had been for them. The homestead
law was cited as the great measure j
that hat} given homes to over 1,01)0, - j
000 people, the agricultural laws, the j
meat inspection law and scores of oth
ers. The introduction of corn into '
Europe as a food product was a repub
lican measure that will soon open out
a new and great market for' American
corn.. The Union Pacific bill, he
claimed, had done more to insure the
development of the new west than all
other causes combined.
Continuing, he said. “It was built
under certain conditions where the^
government agreed to take a second
mortgage, and we should not at this
distance say that ail that legislation
was dishonest, and we have no right
to assail men who are not here to de
fend themselves against the charge of
dishonesty.
*« t<> Itnllrnnd Lpzlelatton.
“I refer to this matter because some
of Mr. Van Wyck’s friends in the audi
ence have asked what about the Union
Pacific railroad, and wili call attention
to a bill introduced by Mr. Van YVyck
in 188(5 authorising the Union Pacific
to lake out of the sinking fund, de
posited with the government under the
act by the road to meet its mortgage
indebtedness, money to build other
roads. A second bill was introduced !
to permit the Union Pacific to use its I
credit to build other roads, and as
these bills were introduced during the
latter part of Mr. Van Wyck s term as
senator, I can out think that his mo
tive was to curry favor with the rail
roads in securing re-election.”
1 he speaker then paid a glowing
tribute to the men who came to Ne
braska in its eariy days penniiess and
had risen to aihuenco by* their energy
and industry. He was glad Mr. Van
Wyck was worth $500. 000. He wished
it were $1,000,000 if he hau accumu
lated it honestly and without the aid
of a preemption law that permitted
him to bring an army of Dreempiors
here from which he iater reaped a
munificent speculative benefit. If that
law was wrong Mr. Van Wvck should
have had it repealed when" he was in
the senate.
lie pam a high compament to Hon. »
J. Sterling Morton, whom he (Judge
Crounse) had often met at the state
fairs and horticultural and historical
societies. He had yet to meet Mr.
Van Wyck at any of these. If Van
W.vck did attend the fairs he evidently
found moreenjorment about the whiri
isfijjs and horse races than among the
farm products and iive stock pens.
A nose of Calamity that Mould Suit
the .11 o»| Fa.do Ion..
Put Van Wyck into the United
states senate .'or six years and let him
hob up once a week with a biuff reso
lution to frighten capital and intimi
date men who are about to invest in
western enterprises. Then Dut Shrader
into tne governor's chair.' and damn
the state constitution, the supreme
court, and send forth from time to
time his edicts and interviews, de«
nouncing the elate us paupers’ roost,
i'hen put McKeighan and' Kem and
l oynter and Bill Decn into the nation
si congress, and iet them wail out
their tale of woe into the ears of the
whole nation. Then put Joe Edger
ton (‘Our Joe’) on the suDreme
oench. and Marsh Eider (-Our
Marsh’ ) back in the sneaker's chair
md Pyrtle (-Our Pirtie”) as clerk of
me senate; and Erick Johnson (‘-Our
trick’’) as cierk of the house, and then
put Dick Dooson ‘ (Our Dick”) and
John Stevens (>Our John") and -Our
Home ana •Our Newberry.’’and all
the rest of ••our" calamity pets, and
let them rave Hire howling Derviu
in the state house (or three mons
and then pull down the bridge tg.
the Missouri river and put upas
that every home seeker in Iowa, |
■nois and Wisconsin looking west*,
mitrht, read: ••This Slate is on the,
of political, moral and financial rp
lution. Keep out!” And we wo,
then have a condition of real calay
that would suit the most fastidioui.
Of what does the principal propel
of Nebraska consist?
Land.
Has this land increased or diu
ished in value in the last two yean?
Increased.
How much?
The whole amount of land occuoi
as farms has increased in the laatn
years about $l2o, 000.000, or $100 ,
capita for the whole population o! j
state, or $800 per 160 acres
Why is farm land advancing so „
| idly in value in Nebraska?
Because farming is a profit*
1 business. If farming were unproJi
ble, farm land would decline *inst«
of advance in value.
Has town property also advances
value?
No; you can buy town and city p.,
erty, the stone, brick blocks and b«
stock for less money today than t
could two years ago.
Why is this decline in bank stoci
Bank stock has declined becas
rates of interest on bank loans hi
declined, and the banking business
less profitable in Nebraska than iti
two years ago.
If then, farming is profitable to
greater extent than any other be
ness, why does the farmer compiai
The real farmer does dot compiaj
It is the ‘'farmers' friend” who cr,
calamity.
The six repuohcaDs now running
congress, if elected and sent tut
national capital, would represent «
carry with them the idea of prosper!
and progress. The six prophets
evil who oppose them, if elects
would carry with them the idea of j
pauperism and financial ruin irfcii
they prophesy. Where the six repti
iicans would go, it would be sail
•■There goes six Nebraskans who«
lieve in their own state, and are pro:
of its achievements.” Of the other!
it would be said, •’There goes s
calamity howlers from Nebraska.''
The following taken from then
port of the secretary of agricultures
the year 1890. shows the average oris
of cprn in Iowa and Nebrasita. i
Iowa, for the years of ’87, ’88, '89 tr
'90, the average price of corn wasii
24, 19 and 41 cents. The avers;
price of corn in Nebraska, for is
same years, was 30. 22, 17 andi
cents. The total average for the
four years in Iowa was 27} cent
while the total average for the sai
four years in Nebraska was 27J cent
or one-fourth of one per cent lower i
Nebraska tban in Iowa.
Ask the leader of the Feople’s parti
and he will tell you that the farme:
of Nobraska are growing poorer eve:
day. Ask the individual farmer as:
his own condition and he will tat
pride in stating how much his circua
stances have’ improved in the last ti
years, and how much his land has a
creased in value. The actual cone
tion of the farmers themselves ii
standing contradiction of the calamii
theory.
Let Judge Field and Haines u
Prof. Andrews and Whitehead »
Mitceljohn and Dave Mercer walk ini
the next congress, and the natio
would cheer and say ••Hurrah for.Ne
braska! They’ve had a rain! Butt
McKeighan and Kem and Poynter at
Bryan and Bill Dech walk into tbs
congress, and the people would sat
••Poor old Nebraska! She's had a:
other back set. There comes the 0
lamity Howlers!”
“Idont believe in taking monei
out of one man's pocket and putting s
into the pocket of another, ” said Urya
at Nebraska City. ••Ana I don't »
lieve,” retorted Judge Field, ’-in ta>
biff money out of an American’s poem
and putting it into the pocket oi
foreigner. ”
“Show me,” says Judge Crounsei
Beatrice, **a prosperus community at:
I will show you plenty of current;
Currency does not make prosperity
but prosperity makes plenty of cur
rency.”
Why He Old Not Have His Ha#
Cut.
Karl Brown entered the barber's
threw himself into a chair and called
for a shave. After he got his shafl
the barber, aw usual, began to badgs
the customer about “hair-restorers.'
shampoos, and other knick-knack!
that go to a man’s discomfort and
aarbers’ profits. The old chap with
stood the siege bravely. Then tie
barber tried him for a hair cut in ito
usual strain.
“Hair’s a little ragged, sir.”
“Yes; like it that way.”
“Longer than you usually wear it
tin’tit, sir?”
“Think not."
“Looks as if it hadn’t been cut to
in age, sir.”
“It hasn’t.”
At this point the old man rose ad
rery politely drew off a wig, disclosing
i pate underneath as bald as a pavin,
itone.
Poor References.
Office Boy—“You want to see ft'
boss ’bout that advertisement to
look-keeper, don’t ye?”
Applicant—“Yes.”
“Got any references?” y
“I am ready to produce them whs*
‘equested.’’
“Where did ye work?”
twf> years with Cash & C°
“Huh! That’s th’ firm that dif
ihargod me. They don’t know
•mart feller from a idjet.”