JOHN
BY GEO. V. HOBART,
Doar Bunch: I'm doing n hot-foot
over tlio Btnto for the Insurance com
pany l'vo hooked up with, and I'm
having tho tlnio of my lire believe
mo not.
Say, aren't some of thonc Koub
hoanorleH tho woozy limit!
I blow Into (ho Commercial hoiwc at
SpoonBhnry day before yesterday, and
Ilia Noba, tho hotel clerk, cortalnly
Mtuked me to a fine bundle of home
made lnugha.
Did you over make SpoonBbury,
Hunch?
Oh! It's on the map, all right.
Spoonnhury Ih a railroad Junction
whero carelcHH people change cant and
wait for tho othor train.
I fell for thla "change caiH" gag and
went over to tho Commercial house to
kill tlmo.
I was deep In convocation with
"Struck Hit Feet Upon the Brass
Rail."
Stove Splovln, tho hotel clork, when
an old guy with Persian rug trim
mings on the end of his chin squeezed
up and began to let a poop out of him
about the pie he had eatou for dinner.
"Calm yourself!" said Smiling Stovo,
"and tell mo where It bit you." ,
Stovo has been throwing keys at
'the wall for some time, and ho knows
Jiow to burn tho hoofers.
""lilt mo! bit me!" snarled tho old
guy with tho tapestry chln-pleco;
"nothing of tho kind, sir! I want you
to know, sir, that your plo Isn't lit to
eat.'slr!"
"Cut It out!" suggested Stovo.
"Cut It out, sir; how can 1 cut It out
when I've eaten It, sir? It's an out
rage, and I shall loavo this hotel to
morrow," said Omar Khayaam.
"With the oxceptlon of $'.51.72, bal
anco due, that will bo about all from
you," said Stovo.
"111 seo tho proprietor," said tho old
guy, moving away with a face on hlin
like four dollars In bad money.
"We get it good and plenty every
day," said Stovo, and just then some'
thing about six fcot tall, wearing a
slouch hat and a gilt mustache fell
against tho counter, grabbed tho regis
tor and burled a stub pen In Its pages.
After looking ovor tho result, I de
cided tho stranger's llrst name must
bo Skate, because It looked llko one
on tho register.
"Hath?" queried Steve.
"Only during a hot wave," sale
Skate.
Stovo went to tho ropes, but ho
came up smiling, as usual.
"Amorlcan or European?" askec
Stovo.
"Neither," said Skato. "Don't you
boo I'm from Jersey City?"
"Going to bo with us long?" Inquired
Stevo.
"Say, Hub! you'ro hollanall on ask
lng questidns, now nln't you?" an
"No Smoking" Sign Needed.
Tho paint' denier waB measuring out
a quart of naphtha for a customer,
and was giving tho usual admonition
against UBing tho Bluff noar a lire or
light. Doing a rather talkative man,
he descanted at length upon the
dangers of such explosive fluids, and
related two or three Instances of hor
rlblo accidents duo to thorn. The ens
tomor promlsod to bo very careful,
and thon, when tho paint man straight
ened up from his stooping posture, the
open bottle beforo him and tho un
corked jug still In his hand, both no
ticed that ho was smoking!
Tho customor smiled, though rathor
alarmed, novortholess, and tho paint
man exclaimed as ho throw his cigar
Into a far corner:
"Well, I'll bo darned!"
"Familiarity with any kind of dangor
makes us careless, I guess," ho ox-
plained, sheoplshly. "Hut If anybody
had told mo that I would do such a
thing as that. I noyor should have bo
lioved It never."
Love that feeds on bounty soon dies
of starvation.
I M
if 1 if
nCNBY
ON THE
COUNTRY
MOTEL.
("HUGH M'HUGH.")
werod Skato. "You Just push me Into
a stall and lock tho gateI'm tired."
"Front! show thla gentleman to
19!" said Steve, Bldc-stopplng to avoid
punishment.
Then Sweet William, the Hoy Drum-
mor, hopped Into tho ring for the next
ound.
Willie peddles pickles for tho fun
io gets out of It.
It Is Willie's Joy and delight to
get a ginger-ale bun on and recite
"Osier Joe."
When trained down to 95 flat, Wllllo
can get up and beat tho clapper oft
Currow Shall Not Ring To-night."
When Wllllo getB a stranglo-hold on
Sheridan's Hide" you can hear horses
galloping outside.
It's tho rest of tho community get
ting out of harm's way.
"Any mall?" Inquired Willie.
All the mall that Willie ever gets Is
a postal card from tho pickle factory
every two weeks asking him If the
people along his route have all lost
their appetites.
"No literature for you," Stevo an
swered.
'Strange," said Wllllo, "my lady
friends are very remiss, aren't they?"
"Yes, It looks like thoy were out to
drop you behind tho piano," said
Stove.
Wllllo tore off a short rabbit laugh,
and then Inquired what time the next
train loft for Now York.
The plcklo factory expects Wllllo
to make Pocomoke City, Squnshtown
Junction nnd Nubblnsvlllo before next
Sunday, so ho tossed the train gag
ust to show Steve that he knows
there's a place called Now York.
"At 7: 15 over tho D., L. & Q.," said
Stevo.
"What's tho next?" Inquired Willie.
"At S: 10 over tho 11., H. & N.,"
Stevo answered.
"Which gets there first?" Wllllo
asked.
"Tho engineer," sighed Stove.
"Oh, you droll chap," said tho pick-
o-pushor: "give mo some tooth-picks."
Then Sweet, William went ovor to
big window, burrowed Into a big
chair, stuck his feet up on tho brass
all, ate toothpicks, and thought he
was IT.
When I got back to Steve he was
"Began to Let a Peep Out of Him."
dealing out tho cards to a lady from
Heading, Pa.
Her husband had been up In the
air with a bum automobile, and when
ho camo down ho was several sections
shy.
They found a monkey-wrench lm
bedded In his loft shoulder which ho
couldn't remember using when ho
tried to fix the machine
She waa traveling for his health
"My room is lmmodlatoly ovor tho
kitchen," sho informod Steve.
The Mission and the Vagrant
The mission has a distinct place in
charltnblo work for tho homeless, In
convoying religious stimulus to .over
come temptation a field purposely
avoided by most charitable societies.
The use of meal tickets and bod tick
ets to attract "down and outers" may
result In occasional actual converts;
tho practice cortalnly results In creat
ing tho so-called, "mission roundor,"
In fostering mawkish, hypocritical
testimony, In antagonizing relief so
cieties, and in clouding the vision of
tho mission loaders themselves. Mis
sions often maintain curbstono bread
lines and froe midnight coffeo stands,
on tho theory that hundreds of homo-
less men aro nightly starving upon
tho streets. Yet this freo treat keeps
from the night's bed and tho day's
work tho man who Is ihus tacitly
urged to depend upon tho bounty of
Indiscriminate charity. Mission of
forts to, save men's souls aro often
pitifully regardless of tho necessary
physical and Industrial salvation that
'Tho cook hasn't made a kick up to
now," Stovo went back at her.
"But they've been frying onlom
ovor since wo took tho room yestor
day afternoon," she snapped.
"Yes, madam." chortled smiling
Steve, "this 1b a local option town,
and tho onion la the only plcklo that's
allowed to appear In public."
She started a get-back, but her in
dignation choked her, so she gave
Steve tho society sting with both eyes
and flounced out.
Steve bit the end off a penholder
and said the rest Internally.
JtiBt then a couplo of troupers
trailed In.
They were with tho "Handlt's Hrhlo
Co." and the way had been long and
weary.
"What have you got doublo?"
usked the vllluln of the piece.
"Two dollars and up!" said Stovo.
"Nothing better?" inquired Low
Comedy. Ho was making a crack, but
nobody caught him.
"Four dollars, with bath," Stovo sug
gested.
"Hoard?" asked tho villain.
"Nothing but sleeps and a fresh
cake of soap," said Steve.
"Hlng down!" Low Comedy put In.
'Why, wo lived a whole week In Pitts
burg for less than that."
"You can turn the samo trick here
f you carry your own choke and sleep
n the park," said Stevo.
'What's the name of this mint?'
asked the villain.
Stove told him.
"To tho tow-path!" said Barrott
Macready; "we're outside tho lifelines.
We thought it was the Llverwurst ho
tel, where they throw things at your
appetite for $1 a day, double. To
tho loft, wheel! Forward, march!"
I followed those two troupers out
to tho dingy barroom, becauso tHo
moment I saw thorn I know it was a
cinch they'd pull some wheezes that
that would hand me a couple of guffs.
"The woods for ours! Isn't this a
bird of a place for a show to get
stranded?" groaned the low comic, as
he gave tho Reub bartender tho high
sign, and the latter pushed forward
two glasses nnd a black bottle.
"It wouldn't havo been so bad If the
show had gone to pieces In some burg
where the people have Insomnia In
tho daytime," the juvonile growled.
'Hut here, Mike, the men go to work
n their pajamas, and tho town has
n't any street cars because tho con
ductor's bell sounds too much llko an
alarm-clock, and It might wake the
mayor."
1 think that will hold you for to
night, Hunch. It's enough for mo,
and If I'm strong enough to-morrow
I'll hand you the balance
Samo as ever,
J. II.
(Copyright, 1008, l.y G. W. Dillingham Co.)
Secret Prison Writing.
A remarkable secret writing of tho
prisons has been brought to notice in
Germany by Prof. Gross. A well-
moistened sheet of writing paper is
laid on a hard, smooth surface under
a dry sheet, a bard point being then
used to write on the latter, which then
at once destroyed. The writing, which
disappears from the bottom sheet on
gradually drying, reappears distinct
ly as often as the sheet Is moistened.
Air Makes French People Cheerful.
One of the great charms of Paris
Is certainly Its atmosphere so clear,
light and buoyant; It Is llko inhaling
champagne. Paris In May or June Is
sufficient to convert tho veriest of
hypochondriac into a cheerful, good
natured being. This climate has, no
doubt, a great Influence on the char
acter of the people, and accounts for
their joyousness, their excitability,
their wit. Donahoe's Magazine.
Hobby for Brain Fag.
Physically, mentally and often mor
ally a good hobby Is a business man's
salvation. When his mind has been
strenuously at work for many hours
ho has used up a large quantity of
life force. If then ho turns to his
hobby for a change his brain experi
ences a relief and the jaded parts
get rested. Huslness Man's Magazine.
must go hand In hand with any endur
ing religious conversion. To dole out
tho suggestions of a square meal, In
bread and coffeo, and to stop thoro,
Invites the criticism of being a ridicu
lous commentary upon salvation. Or.
lando F. Lewis, In Atlantic.
New Beauties In Mums.
Tho chrysanthemum Is again lu
great favor, and It Is snld that Ameri
can florists aro bringing Bomo now
varieties from Paris that will aston
ish all those Interested In the subject.
Tho new varieties are to bo named for
well-known American women, and will
no doubt supplant tho formor favor
ltes.
The True Man.
Who Is a true man? Ho who does
tho truth, and never holds a prlnclplo
on which ho Is not nronared In nnv
hour to not, and In any hour to risk
the consequences of holding It.
act ot hanging out somo clothes
tThoir.as Cnrlylo.
ROUND THE CAPITAL
Information and Gossip Picked Up Here
and There la Washington.
Wiley Puts Ban on
WASHINGTON. Restaurant keep
ers who own cracked mugs must
not intrude them upon their patrons.
Dr. Wiley, Uncle Sam's chemistry ex
pert, says It Is wrong.
The cracked mugs which havo fallen
under the ban of Dr. Wiley are not
tboso known in some circles as badly
arranged faces or pounded visages.
Thoy are rather tho abused drinking
utonslln which come bounding over
tho counter at you when you enter a
hurry-up lunchery and hoist the cry:
" 'Arf and 'arf," or "draw one."
Dr. Wiley says the crack In an ordi
nary mug doing daily duty In a lunch
room shelters enough bacilli to put
tho nation into decadence. Death of
a horrible sort lurks in these cracks.
Show Dr. Wiley a cracked mug a
china mug and he will lay a bet that
you are a dead man if the right ba
cillus hustles out of the crack and
bites you on the Hp while you are
To Clean White House for Next Tenant
IT IS the official view of Col. C. S.
Bromwell, the army engineer In
charge of the White House, that It will
bo necessary for the American people
to spend $1,000 a week during the next
fiscal year to keep the home of the
president In a habitable condition,
This Is the minimum of cost based on
conditions as they exist now.
Should the one time executive man
sion bo turned into a., two apartment
structure, the cost would probably be
about tho figure set forth by the
colonel.
The up-keep of the house during the
current fiscal year Is only $673 and a
fow pennies each week. But things
aro gottlng shabby. Tho children
Uncle Sam's Budget
OFFICIAL figures have been pre
pared by Thomas P. Cleaves and
James C. Courts, chief clerk respec
tively of the committee on appropria
tions of tho senate nnd that of tho
house of representatives, showing that
appropriations at the last session of
congress reached $1,008,397,543.5G. Of
this amount $95,328,247 was appropri
ated for the army, $122,005,885 for tho
navy, $163,053,000 for pensions, $222,-
970,892 for the postoftlco department
nnd $111,953,0S8 for sundry civil ex
penses.
In addition to specific appropriations
money was provided for continuing
contracts to the amount of $49,443,-
750. Among the continuing appropri
ations were tho amounts to bo paid
for two first-class battleships, two
Society Girl Takes
MRS. MINNA FIELD GIBSON, for
marly Mrs. Preston Gibson, daugh
ter of Mrs. Thomas Nelson Page, haB
given society another surprlso In her
nmrrlago to Algernon Burnsby of
Leicestershire, England. Tho cere
mony took placo In tho summer homo
of Mr. and Mrs. Pago In York Harbor,
Mo., whero Mrs. Gibson and her sister
Mrs. Londsay of Boston, aro summer
ing. Tho future home of tho brldo
will bo Baggravo Hall. Leicestershire,
ono of tho oldest estates in tho heart
of tho hunting district of England.
it was just a year ago that Mrs.
Gibson surprised Washington and so
ciety by a divorce In Chicago, their
home at. that time, from Preston Gib
bou. Both Mr. uud Mrs. Gibson were
Cracked Crockery
quaffing your dally beverage.
The report made to Dr. Wiley by his
chief bacteriologist goes on to graph
ically describe a process of exam
ining the mug cracks in terms that
will undoubtedly cause quick lunchers
and habltuoB of those restaurants
whero chlnawaro is slid, rather than
pushed, to purchase sanitary lunch
boxes and tote midday snacks from
home.
"Judging from tho number of colo
nies developed upon the glaBS plates
upon which we spread tho watery di
lutions containing tho debris," writes
tho expert, "thoro were undoubtedly
many thousands of organisms in tho
recesses of the broken china, some
cracks harboring moro germB than
others and varying In accordance to
their magnitude and character of ma
terial contained therein."
Among the germs disclosed by the
bacteriological examination of tho
crackB was tho bacillus colj, which tho
department experts say unquestion
ably belongs to tho group, of undesir
able bacteria, especially when asso
ciated with foods In any manner. Thla
particular cup crack Inhabitant is Bald
to be associated with many Inflamma
tory conditions In man, particularly
appendicitis.
have been using the chairs to build
choo-choo trains, they have placed
their hands on the paper in the red,
blue and green parlors, and in somo
mysterious way a big hunk of the
stucco was broken out of one of tho
columns in the reception hall.
Col. Bromwell thinks the chairs
should be sent to the upholsterers,
now paper put on tho walls, and tho
whole Interior done ovor with fresh
paint and enamel. The wall paper on
tho wall, of course, is not paper at all,
but the finest brocaded silk. The
upholstering on the Sevres designed
chairs is also of The finest. So tho
colonel figures It will cost $15,000 to
do the absolutely necessary work.
In submitting his estimate to the
secretary of the treasury ho remarked
that the annual appropriation of $35,
000 is barely largo enough to keep
tho house from going to rack and ruin.
Tho $15,000 asked for Is put under tho
head of extraordinary repairs.
Congress will grant tho money.
Goes Above Billion
colliers, ten torpedo boat destroyers
and eight submarine torpedo boats,
with the armor and armament for
the battleships estimated to cost $25,-
700.000. Appropriations for public
buildings aggregated $20,789,750. Com-
parlson of tho contract liabilities with
those of the last session of tho Fifty-
ninth congress, amounting to $07,934,-
349, shows a reduction of $18,4UU,&yy.
The total apparent number of sal
aries increased is 129,928, at an an
nual cost of $9,146,575. Of this number
42,636 are commissioned officers, war
rant officers and enlisted men of tho
navy, and 8,907 officers and enlisted
men of the marine corps.
A comparison of the total appropri
ations of the last session of the Fifty
ninth congress $920,798,143 with
those of the first session of tho Six
tieth congress $1,080,397,543 shows
an increase of $87,599,399. Increases
are shown In all of tho general appro
priation acts, except those for the Dls
trlct of Columbia, tie Indians and the
military academy, tho reductions in
these three aggregating $438,709.
Her Second Husband
well known In tho social circles of
both cities. Since her divorce Mrs.
Gibson has made her homo with Mr.
nnd Mrs. Pago. Mr. Gibson also moved
east and established himself on an old
estate near Alexandria. Va.
Mrs. Gibson spent tho greater part
of Inst season In England with her
lato father's relatives. Her small son,
Henry Field Gibson, was with her.
Sho was admired in England for her
skill as a horsewoman. Much of hor
time was spent In the hunting district,
whero sho met Mr. Burnsby. Mrs. Gib
son has an Income of about $60,000 a
year, left her from her father's estate.
Her sister, Mrs. Londsay of Boston,
has an Incomo equnl to hers and thoy
will recelvo more from their mother.
Mrs. Gibson Is still very young, hor
nmrrlago as a schoolgirl to Mr. Gib
son, a schoolboy, being well romom
bored in Washington Boclety, as It
was an unexpected runaway match.
Mr. and Mrs. Gibson niado tholr homo
in Chlcngo, whoro their married llfo
was ended after a llttlo moro thau
five years.