Ncbr aska Advertiser
W. W. SANDERS, Prop.
THE CAPITAL
NEMAHA,
NEBRASKA
f ROUND
l . uWJH" II 11 U UV
Mnrrlngo In a failure only when ono
or both parties to It are failures.
A man "ohm" qiilt any 'job bo hold!
wbi'Jiovor bi! fools like It, except being
married.
Wo seoin to bo on tbo verge of im
portant discoveries In navigation
among tbo clouds.
Tbo troublcrwlib the nvcrago man;
Ik bo knows bow to run ovory man's
business but bis own.
Uvldontiy nature's scheme to save,
the alligator by making It botb uiw
assuming and repulsive Is a failure.
MMm mn'n m'Iwi (iwiillfiwiid a cbouuii
...v, ....... i
for $lfi() must nave some personaj
Knowledge of undigested securities.
France, as its families grow small-
or, looks with Increasing pleasure on.
a partnership with Its old enemy, Jonn
Hull.
It Is proposed to boost the pay of
tbo kalBor without first advertising to
soo if any one will take the Job for
lass money.
..f iTTTUn" iu .lHiionomer. bo-
llovos'tbo earth Is drying up. It Is
evident ho hasn't boon in these parts
i.. wi,
.
A German scientist has discovered
that women's feet are growing larger,
Horrid man! What did ho want to
discover that for?
-
The czar of Russia at the age of 40
Is said to bo an old man. Jicing i
czar Is apparently about, as bard as
working for a living.
A niacYi7and agent."" demanded
$5,000 from Hetty Green, but she re
fused to give up until she saw tho na
ture of tho securities.
You may have noticed how much
(osier it Is to exchange your money
for experlouco than if is to swap your
oxperienco for money.
It Is a largo question whether the
suffragettes In England would bo will
ing to surrender tho privilege or riot
ing In exchange for the ballot.
Two more automobile demonstrators
tmtm Imnn On ml fm- nonrcll In tr. Coun-
tor demonstrations by tho courts are
absolutely necessary to stop the prac
tice Tho mikado's daughter has landed
as ft nllSUanU rTince l aiiut:iiiu
Tiakeda, thereby removing one more
danger from the path of American
heiresses.
Pittsburg declined an offer of the
loan of $1,000,000 ..'rom New York. The
Smoky city wishes It. distinctly un-
dor-stood that It has millionaires of its
own to burn.
For thol'i months ended March 31,
1907. London's consumption of water
amounted to 82,125,!! 49,:M7 gallons,
representing a dally average supply of
33 gallons a head.
Of tho $1,400,0.00 thus far raised for
tho construction of the Liverpool ca
thedral about SS25.000 remains unex
pended; and probably will sulllco for
tho next, live years.
A man In Arkansas had to pay
$1,500 and costs for dynamiting fish.
Ho should confine himself to tho less
expensive pastime of dynamiting
street cars or burning tobacco barns.
Speaking of happiness In married
life, tho only sure way to securo it,
no mattor what tho lecturers and mag
azlnlsts say, Is to fall In love and re
main that way all the rest of your life.
Perhaps what ailed the young man
xvhn lfint '11 imRltlons iii llvo voars was
that no ono hired him at a generous
salary to watch tho ball games ln sum
mer and tako notes In winter on In
door sports.
Ono of our noble policemen, says tho
Chicago Dally Nows, has won tho girl
of hlB choice because ho proved him
self a horo. There aro other men who
consider tho Blmplo act of getting
warrlod oxaltod heroism.
Tho Bowery mission of Now York
has so far this year supplied 233,000
meals and nearly 11,000 lodgings to
homeless men snd boys, Its early
morning bread lino being ono of tho
moBt pathetic sights in the world.
Exports of Iron and stool from tho
United Kingdom for tbo first, three
months of tho current calendar year
show a decline compared with the cor
responding months of luBt year or 271),
000 tons in volume and or ?!), 105,25 1 ln
value.
Ono Atlantic steamer noticed a wa
tor spout that filled tho air with a
school of porpoises. Jt would Imvo
been great had Bomo of our (lying ma
chines boon there. The operators
could havo thrown out hook and lluo
und gono fishing in thu air.
Information nnsl Gossip Picked Up Hero
unci There In Vushlnitoii.
any Holdups on Tag Day in Capital
ypZynpZ p
FgZZ'l iiwJC 1 c-rX
w
ASH INGTON. Every man on tbo
streets bore on June 13 wore a
. .,.(,. i-... 1,1.. l,l,. n
h .
was a plain cardboard tag sueb as the
i-AiiiL'OH i:uimmnn- whu, una u mil nui
ndd to the appearance of one's dress,
hut It saved money and a holdup to
wear it. June 1.1 was tag day In
Washington. Tag day was a device
to squeeze dimes and quarters out of
ovory pedestrian for tin; benefit of a
castoff children's playground. It was
a pretty mean man who would not
hand out a dime at least once for a
tag. It was an excessively high-toned
or reckless one who would not wear It.
No dime, no ag. No tag, no peace
Tho holdup of wearers oi untagged
conts occurred every 25 feet. Some'
thing like $7,000 was realized as a re-
suit of tho "holdups" for tho play-
ground
Children peddled tho tags In all
nnriu nf Mm nltv mul tin iiiim our-n noil
Ther(J W(,r(J Htor(J tngB( m)US0 Uiy,H
,,tf)riit,i)nn tats, cah lairs and iiorsnnal
(aRH nnd a nVe-lolIar tug that made
tho owner immune, from attack in all
carters. The store tag cost a dollar.
Postage Stamp Gum
p VERY time a person licks a United
Li
States postage stamp he gets a taste
of sweet potato. Tho gum with whleh
the stamps are backed is made from
that succulent vegetable because Un
cle Sam's lieutenants consider it the
most hnrmless preparation of the sort.
All of the gum used on American
iiuuutjsu humujib id iiiut-u uy uiu KUV
ernmont at the bureau of engraving
and printing, whero tho stamps are
made, it is spread on tho sheets after
the stamps have been printed.
The gum. in a liquid form. Is forced
up through pipes from tho basement,
where It is made. Theso pipes lead to
ft series of machines consisting of roll-
ers, between which tho sheets of
American "Suckers"
THE American consul at Dunferm
line has furnished a guide to
"suckers" In a report warning the
AmerIcnn tourlHl wmit not to u . ln
tne WRy ()f antlml0 aml nrl objjctB.
Prefacing bis remarks with tho
statement that oven a man with much
mouey cannot take a '30 day cor re
spondence course in art and antiquity
nnd then tell what ho is buying, he
points out those familiar deceptions
ro now being hung up abroad for
"en aumnuuuH no aru umsung ioi
m'tlstic environment:
Mrs. Meyer Rouses
CAN American society affairs bo con
ducted along lines laid down by
tho European nobility?
Mrs. Georgo von Longorko Meyer,
wife of tho postmaster goneral, has
beon doing some experimenting the
past season.
Resenting tho froo and easy custom
of everybody and anybody vlBltlng tho
cabinet homes. Mrs. Moyor has at
tempted to introduce foreign methods
as regards calling and tho general pro
gramme. Not since Mrs. Levi P. Morton drew
such a lino of distinction between ac
cidental olllclnl position and horedl
tary social standing has Washington
been so wrought up as over Mrs.
Meyer's haughty attltudo toward tho
likewise the homo tag. l-.very woman
waH nJ,1 U) 1,1 lV('r' store, and It cost
her a dollar to continue her round of
shopping wltlu.u: further solicitation!
President Roo-'t vo'.t came across,
for a five-dollar t.ig that allowed him
to take his customary drive on horse-,
back without b'-ing bold up at thq
biidgr. Attorney General Bonaparte!
was tagged twice. A beautiful young'
woman held him boldly In front of tho
While House Frida, which was a day
In advrtneo of olllclal time for the free
booting. He dug up a round dollar
cheerfully and said it was worth it.
Hut h forgot the tag when ho saun
tered out Saturday, and he had to shell
out again.
Young Quentin Roosevelt mndo a
street ivcord. Ho stood In front of his
schoollui'-'so and took $1.20 In an hour
peddling ten-cent tags. Then he moved
down to the Mall before the White
House, whore lie suspected money
would ''ome in bigger pieces, but he
was lashed to the mast thero In no
time after two automobiles drove up
filled with daintily clad girls, who
piled out and worked tho thoroughfare
and White House grounds to a finish.
The girls then ventured into the sa
cred precincts of the White House and
sought Mr. Loeb, but could not find
him. Learning that he, like the pres
ident, was exempt, under the rules of
tho gume, they left, by virtue of tho
live-dollar tag, complimentary tags for
both just for luck.
as Article of Diet
stamps are fed, one at at time.
A continuous line stream of tbo
liquid gum falls upon one of theso
rollers. The sheet with Its wet coat
ing of sweet -potato mucilage passes
from the rollers Into a long horizontal
flue with hot air. When It emerges at
tho other end the gum Is dry.
While Uncle Sam trios to make the
lot of tho stamp llcker as innocuous
as possible, he does not advise making
a meal off his sweet potato gum. The
whole process of gum making and ap
plying Is made as clean as possible,
but there Is yet another Item to be
considered.
A sheet of postage stamps is han
dled a good many times before it even
leaves the bureau where it Is made. If
you must lick any of your stamps pick
out those from the middle of tho
sheet. The corner ones have gone
through tho lingers of half a dozen or
moro counters, not to mention the per
forators and the separators and tho
rest.
Warned by Consul
"Robert Burns Chairs Bobbie did
not keep an Installment furniture
bouse, and what tho constable did not
take, buyers long ago have.
"Alary queen of Scots Tables The
queen was rathor migratory, owing to
circumstances, and did not carry many
tables around with her.
"Sheffield Plate It Is mostly mod
ern, aged with processes that aro new
"Engrr.vlngs and Prints Ancient
copies are turned off tho press ovory
day for the 'fish' from America.
"Rare Old Furniture This la mado
with pumice stono and oil, which will
ago any old chair or table In a week."
Summing up, ho says that for more
than 50 years collectors have ran
sacked every available nook for an
tiques and works or art, and that wher
ever one is to bo found it costs money
and ought to be accompanied with a
responsible dealor's guarantee.
Feminine Tempest
wives or cabinet officers and othei
men In public life.
Mrs. Meyer's treatment or wives ol
members or congress has caused nc
end or criticism. She Inaugurated the
habit of asking women from tho far
west or tho south of tho Beacon street
elrclo if they thought It obligatory for
them to call on ono so far removed
geographically. It was broadly Inti
mated Bho woidd not. bo at. all offended
If tho lesser social lights wives ol
congressmen particularly eliminated
hor from their visiting lists.
Then Mrs. Moyer aroused a tempest
In tho teapot by hor treatment of hor
associates in tho cablnot circle. She
Invariably Ignored hor qolloaguos
when she was getting up such smart
entertalr,nents as tho dinner and re-
coption to tho duko of tho Abruzzi or
tho duchess of Suthorlnnd. Sho Invited
only members of tho diplomatic corps.
Mrs. Moyor was, before marriage,
Miss Alice Apploton, daughter of the
well-known head of the great publish
in ir company. no lnucmeu a iurc
fortuue.
& Jim m.wvmm
I'M'
A bird hunter, having become en
raged at his dog, seized him by the
collnr, snatched up a stick and ad
ministered to him an unmerciful beat
ing. On the fence not far away sat
old Llm Jucklln, and he called to tbo
hunter: "By the way, there, when you
got. through with that dog, and If you
ain't In too big a hurry to go some
where else, I'd llko to say something
to you. I havo an Idea that, it may do
you good."
"I don't know that, I've got any too
much time for you, old man," the hunt
er replied.
"Well. I didn't ask for too much
time. It won't take me long to tell you
what 1 thfnk."
rhe hunter came slowly forward,
and at the same time two of his com
panions, having overheard what had
been said, came out of tho com field
and, speaking pleasantly t the old
man, waited for him to proceed with
their friend. The dog, true to tho in
stincts of his generous race, came up
to renew his promises of eternal fi
delity.
What Is It you want with me?" tho
hunter Inquired. "As I said before, I
haven't much time."
"Ah. hah," replied the old man, "but
you've got the time to quit your busb
ness whatever it may be and to come
over here and to hunt on my land
without ever huvln' asked for tho per
mission." "I beg your pardon, sir; I didn't
know this was your land.'
Yes, that's the trouble with such
fellers as you aro you never know.
However, I don't mind your huntin'
on my land, but as long as I pay
taxes on It you shan't beat your dog
on It. Don't be impatient, now. and
listen a minute to what I've got to say.
I don't set myself up as a lecturer,
you understand, but once In a while I
drop into a talk, if the occasion brings
it up, and the occasion happens to do
so just at present. Why did you beat
the dog?"
"Flushed a bird when he had no
business to."
"It come out of his eagerness and
his enthuslusm I reckon. And while
he was a workin' for you, too. Some
times you get so excited that you
shoot too quick, don't you? Ah, hah,
I'll bet you do. But you lay It to the
keenness of your blood and don't look
on It as a crime. But you think that
your dog ought to havo moro self-control
and a readier exercise of reason
than you've got. And, as a general
thing, I bet he has."
"He's putting It on you, Jim," said
one of the companions. "Go ahead, old
man, we'll make him take It."
"Oh, there ain't much to take just
a little talk that may not do him any
harm. Eyery man knows that he ought
not to be cruel to an animal, but some
times wo know a thing so well that we
forget It. Some men have passed all
their lives lookln' for a big truth and
have overlooked all of tho lit tie ones.
I just want to ask you this: What has
that dog got to look forward to except
to please you? In the one of your
voice ho finds the color of lire dark
or light. When you frown It is cloudy
weather for him; when you smile it
doesn't make any difference to him
how tho rain pours or how the snow
files, lie is ready to go with you. Tho
night can't be too dark nor the wind
too bltln'. When you want to go out
the most cheerrul fire would be un
comfortable for him. Talk about tho
Influence or a man In his ram
lly! Talk about ownership! Why,
you own the dog's body and
he gladly makes you a present of
his aoul. Tbo Blblo teaches us to for
give, and in this tho dog Is moro re
ligious than man. You may say that
this comes through fear, but the dog
is not afraid to give his life for you;
and I don't want to hurt your feelln's
here on my own land, but, I've always
noticed that tho l'ellor that will beat
a dog will cheat a man ir he gets a
right good chance."
"Look hero, old follow, you may be
going too far. I never cheated a man
In my life."
"And I was goln' to add that tho
man that would beat a dog would also
He ir you give him tho chance," said
tho old man.
"What, and you mean that you havo
given mo the chance?"
The companions began to laugh and
old Llmuel quietly chuckled. "Well,
I'm liberal enough to glvo a man al
most any sort or a chance be may bo
lookln for. By tho way, what's your
business?"
"I run a coal yard."
"Sell coal. Now that can be made
as honest a business as any In the
world. But don't you sometimes guess
at tho weight or a ton?"
"Well, not exactly guess at It. I've
been In tho business so long that I
can como pretty close to a ton by look
ing at It."
"Then you guess at It; and did you
ever know ope or those close guessers
i iy arc nw"" ' .
VT7 t JPV" K7 V . imC ft
mm mm t v
to guess on tho wrong side? It's llko
the man that makes a mistake In giv
In' change usually makes It in bis
own favor. This may bo honest, you
know makin' a mistake in your own fa
vol but it comes out of an undorlyin
principle of -selfishness. And, before I
forgot It, let mo say that I've always
noticed that the feller that beats a
dog Is one likely in a perfectly honest
way to short-change you.
"A man may bo honest as to dollars
and cents and at. the same time cruel.
I knew a man who alwnys paid bis
debts, but who beat bis wire. Honesty
nnd gentleness are not always com
panions. But tho ciuelty that applies
to the dog seems to bo different from
any other sort. When the dog sees
by your countenance or understands
from your voice that lie has done
wrong be throws himself completely
on your mercy, and ir In his struggles
to got away he should bite your hand,
the greatest favor you can grant him
is to permit, him to lick the wound.
Just, look at that dog now. No man
in the hot sun ever thirsted for water
more than he thirsts for a kind word
from you.
"I was rcadin' ln a book where ru
old man says to a king: 'You can
shorten all my days, but you can't
grant me ono hour of life.' Over this
dog you've got moro power than that,
for with a word you can kill his soul
or bring it to life. You may arguy
that a dog hasn't got a soul, but when
t man is possessed in a full degree of
the very qualities exhibited daily by
the average dog we speak of the de
velopment of his soul. Dogs fight
over a bone. Men fight ovur money.
A dog Is deceitful In order that he
may be more pleasant in the eyes of
his master.
"A dog is the only thing that glori
fies his slavery. A boss works for
what he eats. He's always got his
mind on tho stable. A dog works to
give pleasure to bis master. He is the
only animal that enjoys a joke because
the man does. He studies a man so
close that he is a mind reader. When
you get up or a mornln' he knows your
temper the moment ho sets eyes on
you. Old man Cartwright out here
declared that his dog knew In a mo
ment when he had professed religion;
and Cartwright told me, says he: 'The
dog quit chasln' rabbits on Sunday,
after this. He'd walk about the yard
as solemn as any presldin' elder you
ever saw, but tho minute 1 cussed a
cow and lost my religion, ono Sunday,
why the dog ho jumped over the fence
and started out trackln' a rabbit.'
Well, make friends with your truest
friend there, and go ahead."
Tho dog was listening. The hunter
turned toward him and smiled. The
grateful animal leaped forward with
bis eyes beaming, strove to embrace
his master, and then, with new spirit,
sprang over tho foncc to take up his
neglected work. "Old gentleman," said
the hunter, "I'm not as bad a follow as
you think I am."
"Oh, I guess you're all right, but you
are so bent on your own enjoyment
that, you don't think enough or others,
and I want to say that dogs aro
others."
(Copyright, by Opic Head.)
Reason Why.
Tho Chicago man who had road su
much about the famous Southern Fly
er on the far southern road looked out
of the coach window and imagined ho
was riding on a trolley car In a crowd
ed city street.
"Look here, Pete," he exclaimed,
when the porter came through, "is this
the celebrated Southern Flyer?"
"Dat's what it am, sah," replied the
knight of the wblskbroom with a low
bow.
"How fast are we going?"
"'Bout 18 miles an houah, sah."
"Then why In thunderation do you
glvo It such a ludicrous name as
Southern Flyer?"
The porter laughed.
"Well, Ah'll toll yo', boss. De rea
son dey call It a fiyeh am bokase it's
liable to lly off de track at any time."
Whitewashed.
Sho was ono of thoso butterlly wives
who imagine domestic Hfo is a prison
or unendurable monotony.
"Dear mo!" she sighed over her
novel. "I would like to bo an actress.
I should so love to feel tho limelight
in my eyes."
And tho patient and practical hus
band looked up rrom his sporting" page
and replied In gentle tones:
"All right, Edna. Suppose you
whitewash the fonce to-morrow. K
you do I'll guarantee that you can feel
the llmo light In your eyes all day."
And thou ho wont away to his club
while sho romained home and played
bridge with a trio of buttorlly friends
and told them how mean Henry could
bo when tho stock market did not
go right.