1
I've Been
Thinking
BY CHARLES BATTELL LOOMIS.
Y tlenr young moth
er, will you par
don mo if I ad
dress n few words
to you on the sub
ject of Theodore?
I have noticed for
some time how
vigilant has been
your care for the
manly little fellow.
You will not let
him play with
Tommy Perkins in
the summer be
cause Tommy says
"Gosh!" You have
forbidden him to
associate in the
slightest degree
with Eddy Con
way because Eddy
smokes, cigarettes,
and von have
threatened to have his father chastise
him if he has anything to do with
Aleck Saunders because Aleck swears
like a trooper in Flanders.
You have done all theso things in
order that Theodore's language may be
free from the tares (hat might other
wise choke it; but have you been
careful in all things? Have you seen
to it that the records of the talking
machlno that you bought for his de
lectation arc up to your own high
standard of grammar and culture? 1
trow not.
A phonograph need not be vulgar
if its early associates are of the prop
er kind, but I notice that many of
them are vulgar. One gets the im
pression that they have copied the
speech of coarse and uncultivated
men. Phonographs have absolutely
no creative ability, but they are, with
in certain limitations, absolute mimics
and they have the knack of picking
up the phrases of men whom you
would never think of admitting to
your drawing room.
You were horrified the other day
at the notion of letting dear Theodore
go to one of the most respectable
of continuous shows, but the new
record that came to him that after
noon had mimicked word for word
a monologue that never would have
been allowed upon the boards of that
theater. His little frionds Aloysius
and Van Sutphen and Saltonstall uso
an English remarkable for its purity
of inflection and intonation, but that
phonograph record has a diction un
speakably vulgar. It is not alone
the thing it says, but the nasty way It
says it, that makes it a poor com
panion for Theodore.
Pardon me, my dear young mother,
but I can't help laughing at you just
a little. You take Theodore to the
symphony concerts that he may culti
vate his musical taste, but I never
hear him whistling any movement
from Beethoven's, Schubert's or Schu
mann's symphonies. Yet that inex
pressible street song that emerged
from tho phonograph last week was
his in a half hour, both words and
music and vulgarity. I believe (hat
Mrs. Perkins would have spanked
Tommy if he had sung it in her pres
ence, although she does tolerate his
"Gosh!"
I really can't blame the talking ma
chine. It has no conscience; it has
no pride of ancestry to keep it in the
right way. It has simply a waxlike re
ceptive capacity and absolutely no
senso of selection. If it heard good
songs and refined speeches it would
undoubtedly repeat them, but as its
associates aro for the most part vul
gar it is small wonder that with its
remarkable imitative faculty it should
pick up many words, phrases, ideas,
and leit motiven that are objection
able. The fault is not with the pho
nograph; it lies with you, and it is to
me inexpressibly droll to see you
shielding Theodore from those pesti
lent fellows, Tommy, Eddy and Aleck,
while you admit to the intimacy of
your house those records that success
fully imitato the tough whine, the
illiterate grammatical construction
and tho at times disgustingly vulgar
witticisms of the cheaper stage.
I am not standing up for Tommy
Perkins or Eddy Conway or Aleck
Saunders, but Theodore might imi
tate some of their good points at the
same timo that ho learned to say
"Gosh!" or to smoke corn-silk cigar
ettes. It is also possible to break up
a tendency to swear and one may
reason a boy out of tho habit of acling
as a chimney while incinerating corn
silk.
lint tho tough accent onco acquired
is almost ineradicable, and 1 cannot
concoivo of any good coining from
Theodore's association with tho un
canny voico which says: "holdies an'
gen'i'mun, do udder day I wouldn't
have went to do t'cater on'y I chanst
to meet a young dame on der street,"
etc.
A man is known by tho cylinders
he keeps.
iCopy right, by James Pott & Co.)
"Mrs. Pinkham, of the Lydia E.
Plnkham Medicine Company of Lynn,
Mass., together with her son, Arthur
W. Pinkham, and the younger mem
bers of her family, sailed for Naples
on May 20th for a three months' tour
throughout Europe and a much needed
vacation."
Jersey Legislation.
"That was a disgusting slap the gov
ernor took at our bills," said tho New
Jersey legislator.
"Seemed to irritate him as much as
mosquito bills," admitted the disgrun
tled colleague.
ECZEMA ALL OVER HIM.
No Night's Rest for a Year and Limit
of His Endurance Seemed Near
Owes Recovery to Cutlcura.
VETERAN OF THREE WARS.
"My son Clyde was almost com
pletely covered with eczema. Physi
cians treated him for nearly a year
without helping him any. His head,
face, and neck were covered with largo
scabs which ho would rub until they
fell off. Then blood and matter would
run out and that would be worse.
Friends coming to see him said that if
ho got well ho would bo disfigured for
life. When it seemed as if he could
possibly stand it no longer, I used
some Cuticura Soap, Cutlcura Oint
ment, and Cuticura Resolvent. That
was the first night for nearly a year
that ho slept In tho morning there
was a great change for the better, in
about six weeks ho was perfectly well.
Our leading physician recommends
Cuticura for eczema. Mrs. Alg
Cockburn, Shiloh, O., June 11, 1907."
A little flattery now and then will
soften up the hardest man.
A Pioneer of Colorado and Nebraska.
Matthias Campbell, veteran of tho
Civil War and two Indian wars, and
a pioneer of Colo
rado, now living at
21 S ISast Nebraska
street, Blair, Nob,,
says: "I had such
pains in my back
for a long time that
I could not turn in
bed, and nt times
thero was an almost
total stoppage of
the urine. My wife and I have both
used Dona's Kidney Pills for what doc
tors diagnosed as advanced kidney
troubles, and both of us have been
completely cured."
Sold by all dealers. CO cents a box.
Foster-Mllburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
There Isn't much philosophy In a
man if it doesn't get busy when he
has occasion to visit a graveyard.
Important to Mothors.
Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTOItIA a safe and sure remedy for
infants and children, and see that it
Bears tho
Signature of
In Use For Over iW Years.
The Kind You Ilavo Always Bought
Some people are shallow even when
buried in thought.
Try Murine Eye Remedy
For Red. Weak. Weary, Watery Eye.
Murine Doesn't Smart b'oolhcH liyo Pain.
All DniKKiHts Sell Murine at fiOets. The 48
Pn(?e Book in caeh Pkjr.. is worth Dollata
in every home. Auk your Druggist.
Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago.
Tho largest thoughts aro an out
como from the heart. Nerval.
It Cures While You Walk.
Allen's Foot-Kasc h a certain cure for
hot, Rweating, callous, and xwollen, aching
feet. Sold by all DriiKnintf. Price i!5e. Don't
ncccpt any substitute. Trial package Fit WW.
Address Allen S. Olmsted, Lo Roy, N. Y.
Some farmers aro smallor potatoes
than they raise.
SICK HEADACHE
CARTER'S
llTTLE
IVER
Lewis' Single Binder straight fit: cigar
made of rich, mellow tobacco. Your deal
er or Lewis' Factory, Peoria, 111.
Those who await no gifts of chance
have conquered fateNorton.
Mr. WlnilcMv'n Soothing Syrup.
For children tcrttiliiK, mif triis tho Kiiniv, rt'ilurr In
Humiliation, allay inln, cure wind cullo. use a buttle.
A man's enemies anxiously await an
opportunity to moot his widow.
Positively cured by
these Little Pills.
They alHo relloTO Din-
trots from I)yM)rpHlfi, ln
illHstlon ntiilTnoitanrt
Katlng. A perfect rem-
oily for DIzlnrxM, Nun
m'i, Drownlnrsfi, Hnil
Taste In tho Month, Cont-
I od Tongue, Pitlu 4ti tho
.SI tin. TOItPIl) I.1VKU.
Thoy regulate, the Dowel, l'tirety Vegetable
SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE.
Genuine Must Bear
Fac-SimileSignaturo
REFUSE SUBSTITUTES.
1
i H
m
CARTERS
WlTTLE
WlVER
PARKERS
HAIR BALSAM
Clrtnff oimI brtutinrt Uto htlr.
Promote, a luxuriant growth.
Nnvor Fall, to Hrtoro Orny
11 Air to Us Youthful Color.
Cuir.j .cnlp illi.-njci lulr Tallin.
JV-.ml l.(HUt nrugglnU
W. N. U., LIK 30LN, NO. 26, 1908.
Lewis' Single Hinder straight He cicar is
rood quality all the time. our dealer or
Lewis' J'uctory, Peoria, 111.
Race horses and watches should go
for all they are worth.
You Can Order
Excelsior Springs Mineral Water
IN 3 and 5 gallon jugs, and in 10, 20, 25 and 50 gallon barrels.
A We ship in bulk Regent, Siloam, Soda, Diamond Lithia,
Sulpherine and Relief Waters. Price, 1 5 cents per gallon,
f. o. b. Excelsior and 1 0 cents per gallon for jug. Send your
orders to the
EMPIRE MINERAL WATER COMPANY
EXCELSIOR SPRINGS, MISSOURI
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Warning!
Over
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See Roof Boob
Page 3
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