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About The Nebraska advertiser. (Nemaha City, Neb.) 18??-1909 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 20, 1907)
DOG'S DAY IS OVER AT LEAST SO THINKS ONE WEARY PILGRIM. Writing in Tribulation and Sorrow He Recounts His Sufferings and Consigns the Whole Race to Perdition. "I have como to th' conclusion," said tho weary pilgrim, who was in a shocking humor, "thet this world would worry along some how If they wan't no dogs. 'Course, long ago they had their uses, though I ain't never had no ubo fer 'em. "The monks of Saint Bernard kep' a lot of big dogs ono time an' named th' place in honor of th' beasts. An' tho monks would send them out on bad nights an' try to lose them, but alius somo tourist 'ud find th' stray an' lug him back home. Each dog carried a little barrel of booze on his collar an' in that way mado himself pop'lar with total strangers. Them days air past now. Thoy have moved th' Swiss Tyrol to th' Chicago amuse ment parks. So th' dogs, bein' out of a Job, air no more use to nobody. "Oh, yes I alius hcv a dog about. But from greetin' him with shoo leath er an' profanity every time ho make a plumb fool of hlsself I'm wore to a shadder. An every time I am be reaved of a dog by some blame dog thief I vow I won't never hcv another. But It never ain't very long till some one else sticks me fer a thoroughbred pointer with a pedigree made on th' spur o' th' moment. "I brought one home th' other night and put him in a nice box of straw. He waited till I was abed and then he set up th worst lament you ever heard. I went down an' shut him in th' barn. Three minutes later I put him In th' henhouse. No good. lie was back under th' windor recitin th works of Edgar Aallan Poo as per several times previous. Then I went down an' turned a washtub over thet pup an' set on it. I lit a pipe an' held down thet wailin' monster fer three hours. Then th ol' woman stuck her head outer th' winder an' said she hated to butt in an' of course I was a-doin' th 'best thet could be did, but how would it do to tie th' dog in the outhouse? Tie him up! Shucks! I never thought of that. It worked fine. "They say a dog is man's best friend. Thet's all right, but you never kin tell which man. I hed a large freckled kyoodle once thet would rim th' grocer boy off th' place, chase th' new minister up a apple tree, scare th' wash lady Into gallopin' conniption fits an' then escort a frowzy tramp up to th' house a-waggln' his tail plumb up to his ears. I got sore et thet dog when he halted me one night an' jus' wouldn't let me come anigh th' house. I got an armful of paving stones an' hed bust two holes in th' kitchen wall w'en I discovered in th' most natural way in th' world thet th' dog was be hind mo chawln' my leg. An' only thet mornln' the brute hed let a bill collector walk right into th' house. "Yes, sir, th' dog lies outlived his usefulness. All dogs has, from th' bow-legged bulldog to th' monkey faced pug. Doggone tho doggone dogs!" G. A. Thompson, In Chicago Daily News. Electric Anesthesia. Electric sleep, or anesthesia, pro duced by the action on the brain of Intermittent electric currents of low voltage, has been a subject of special study for several years by Prof, Stephanie Leduc of Nantes and others The application has been perfected, until it is practicable to put dogs and rabbits quickly into a calm and regu- lar sleep, with general and complete anesthesia. Electricity. Frequently Do. Don't find too much pleasure In your charities; they may become tho epitome of your selfishness. John A. Howland. First Universal Language. Ono of the earliest and most cojfl dent attempts to establish a universal language on tho lines of the modern Esperanto was that of Sir Thomas Urquhart, who in 1653 issued his "In troduction to a universal language which for variety of diction in each part of speech surmounteth all tho languages of tho world." An expectant public was bidden to look out for sub sequent volumes, but they never ar rived. Bishop Wllklns, who flourished about tho same period, had his own Ideas about a universal language, but they did not materialize. He was an optimist of the first degree, and was firmly convinced that it would be pos sible to communicate with the moon by means of flying machines. Awkward Mistake. Mrs. Upmoro (making a call) Why, this is your latest photograph, Isn't It? It's an excellent likeness of you but it isn't so good of the baby Wasn't he- Mrs. Highmus Tho idea! Did you think tho little darling in my lap was baby? That's FIdo! HERITAGE OF CIVIL WAR. Thousands of Soldiers Contracted Chronic Kidney Trouble While in the Service. The experience of Capt. John L. Ely, of Co. E, 17th Ohio, now living at 500 East Second street, Newton, Kansas, will Interest the thou sands of veterans who came back from tho Civil War suffering tor tures with kidney com plaint. Capt. Ely says: "I contracted kidney trouble during the Civil War, and the oc casional attacks final ly developed Into a chronic case. At one time I had to use a crutch and cane to get about. My back was lame and weak, and besides the aching, there was a distressing retention of tho kidney secretions. I was in a bad way when I began using Doan's Kidney Pills in 1001, but the remedy cured me, nnd I have been well ever since." Sold by all dealers. 60 cents a box. Foster-Mllburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. MR. JOHNSON NOT TO BLAME. Good Old Lady Understood How the Mistake Occurred. There is a good old lady who cannot resist speaking well of all her ac quaintances. On Thanksgiving day she told tho colored man who did chores about the place that he might go into tho barn yard and help himself to a chicken. The man obeyed with alacrity and was most profuse In his thanks. In the course of a few days the lady's husband Informed her that on Thanksgiving day neighbors had seen Mr. Johnson seize two choice hens from the coop. "I did tell him to take one," con fessed the lady regretfully, "but, you know, dear, how Intensely Mr. John son celebrates the holidays. Why, he simply cannot help seeing things dou ble." The Peaceful Joy of the River. An ingenious Spaniard says that "rivers and the inhabitants of the wa tery element were made for wise men to contemplate and fools to pass by without consideration." And though I will not rank myself in the number of the first, yet give me leave to free myself from the last, by offering to you a short contemplation, first of riv ers, and then of fish; concerning which I doubt not but to give you many observations that will appear very considerable; I am sure they have appeared so to me, and made many an hour pass away more pleasantly, as 1 have sat quietly on a flowery bank by a calm river. Isaac Walton. Nicknames for War Vessels. We had a ship called the Muriel, says the New York Press, and the sailors promptly dubbed her the Mer ry Hell. The Georgia, as everyone knows, is the Jaw-Jaw. The Pennsyl vania is the Billy Penn. The Kearsarge is the Cuss-Age. The Washington is Papa George, and, singularly enough, Is commanded by John Adams. The Indiana is Red Annie. The Terror is tho Tear Her. The Cleveland is Gro ver. The Des Moines is The Mine. The Galveston is Shirtwaist a clever hit. Tho Amphitrite is the Ample Tight. The Solace is the One Ace. Dutch at Home and Abroad. Holland has a population of only 5, 000,000, but there are 10,000.000 of peo pie in the Dutch East and West In dies. The Dutch are not at present much addicted to emigration. In the United States, at the time of the last census, there were only 105,000 per sons of Dutch birth. The number of Netherlanders in the Dutch East In dies is barely 12,000. FOUND OUT. A Trained Nurse Made Discovery. No one is in better position to know tho value of food and drink than a trained nurse. Speaking of coffee, a nurse of Wilkes Barre, Pa., writes: "I used 'to drink strong coffee myself, and suffered greatly from headaches and Indiges tion. While on a visit to my brothers I had a good chance to try Postum Food Coffee, for they drank it alto gether In place of ordinary coffee. In two weeks after using Postum I found I was much benefited and finally my headaches disappeared and also the indigestion. "Naturally I have since used Postum among my patients, and have noticed a marked benefit where coffee has been left off and Postum used. "I observed a curious fact about Postum when used among mothers. It greatly helps tho flow of milk in cases where coffee is Inclined to dry it up and where tea causes nervousness, "I find trouble in getting servants to make Postum properly. They most always serve It before it has been boiled long enough. It should be boilet 15 to 20 minutes after boiling begins and served with cream, when it is cer tainlv a delicious beverage." Head "Tho Road to Wellvllle" in pkgs "There's a Reason." WHY HE WANTED LAW. Man Had to Be Forced Into Paths of Righteousness. Congressman James E. Watson of tho Sixth Indiana district told a story while in town recently, anent the op eration of the pure food law, and in tended to illustrate his expressed theory that more people would bo good if they had to be. "It was while wo were wrestling with tho pure food bill at Washing ton," he said, "that I got a letter from home, written by a man from whom I bought a big quantity of maplo sirup each year. He urged mo to fight for the pure food bill. Now, 1 couldn't lelp remembering, to save my life, that, this man bought five bnrrels of brown sugar at the opening of the maple molasses season. So I wrote him a note suggesting that advocacy of a pure food measure seemed odd from a man who bought five barrels of brown sugar before beginning the manufacture of his pure maple sirup. "Never feazed him. Ho turned my letter over and wrote on the back: 'I know it, but I want the law to make mo do right.' " Indianapolis Ncwb. THREE BOYS HAD ECZEMA. Were Treated at Dispensary Did Not Improve Suffered Five Months Perfect Cure by Cuticura. "My three children had eczema for five months. A little sore would ap pear on the head and seemed very itchy, increasing day after day. Tho baby had had it about a week when tho second boy took the disease and a few sores developed, then the third boy took It. For the first three months 1 took them to the N Dispensary, but thoy did not seem to improve. Then I used Cuticura Soap and Cuti cura Ointment and in a few weeks they had improved, and when their heads were well you could see nothing of the sores. Mrs. Kate Kelm, 513 West 29th St., New York, N. Y., Nov. 1, 5 and 7, 1900." Many Bullets Had Gone Wild. Recently four tons and a half of bul lets were dug out of a hill behind a rifle range at Yarmouth, England, the accumulation of two years' shooting by the local volunteers. They sold for $122.50 a ton. Important to Mothers. Exnmlno carefully every bottle of CASTOTIIA, ft eafo and Hire remedy for Infants und children, end tec that it Honrs tho Signature la Ubo For Over ao Yenre. The KlLd You Have Always JJought. The average man would rather blow his own horn than listen to a band concert. New and Liberal Homestead Regulations in WESTERN CANADA New Districts Now Opened lor Settlement I Some of the choicest lands in the grain ciovv- itiK hulls of Knslintchc- I wan anil Alberta have recently been opened ; for settlement under ' the Revited Homestead j Kcculations nt Canada. , Thousands of home- ' steads of if.o acres each aro now available The new reflations make it possible for entry to be made by proxy, the oppor tunity that inan in tie United States have been waitinc for. Any number of a family may make entry for any other iih mber of the family, who may bo entitled to make rntry for himself or herself, Hntry may now be made before the Acent or Sub Aeent of tho District by pioxy, (on certain condi tions? by the father, m ether, son, daughter, brother or sister of intenditur homesteader. "Any eft-n nunil-rri-il wtlmi of Dominion I.nii(l In Manltolui or tlio North-Wept I'nivlm'n", rxreiitlnirM and s, not merved, may liome-tteaiii-cl liy any in-rum the le Ik ad of a family, or male our lHyiarnof mte, to tlm on tent of one iiuarter m-ctlon, of K0 acre, more or let." Tho fee in each case will be io.oo, .Churches, schools and markets convenient. Healthy climate, splendid crops and cod laws, Oraln-ciowiiiL' and cattle raising principal industries. For further particulars as to rates, routes, best time to so and where to locate, apply to W. V. BENNETT, 801 New York Lilt Buildlnf, Otnibi, Nckraiki. LIVE STOCK AND CI CPTDATVIIEC 1 MISCELLANEOUS CLtU I f I I TCO In irrrat variety for rait at tho loweit crlrei by A..KllU(,UlfrtbrilKICO.,UW.Ai8i.,tklfaf I "WJiWHf Thompjon's Eye Water 9 PUTNAM FADELESS DYES Colo mo'epoodi briohter n Inter eolort thin any other die. One 10c package colors all fibers. Then dye in cold water better than anr other d. You can d any garment without tipping apart Writ lor liMkookltt-Hnwic Die, Bleach and Mix Colon. MONROE DRUG CO., Qulney, llllnalm Opening Lower Brule Indian Reserva tion in South Dakota. Parties wishing full information as to tho character of the land, how to reach it and how to take part in tho drawing In October, also information in relation to tho opening of Tripp county.In tho Rosobud Reservation, can securo samo by sending Ono Dollar to Chns. H. Burke, Pierre, South Dakota, formerly Member of Congress and author of the Lower Brulo and Roso bud legislation. There is no debtor in the world bo honorable so superbly honorablo aB love. Henry Drummond. PinokctH have to call for Lcvm' Single Hinder rigar to net it. Your dealer or Lewis' Factory, Peoria, 111. A girl isn't necessarily a peach bo cause she has a stony heart. Mm. WIiihIow'h Koothlnjr Syrnp. for children tcethlnc Kittens the Huron, reduce u diminution, alluytputii.curcHwiriil colli). rc a IkjUIo. Women seo without looking; their husbnnds often look without seeing. MEN ADMIRE a pretty face, a good figure, but sooner or later learn that t li o healthy, happy, contented wotntiu is most of all to ho admired. Women troubled with fainting spells, irregularities, nervous irrita bility, backache, tho "blues," and those dreadful draggiug sensations, cannot hopo to bo happy or popular, and advancement in either home, business or social life is impossible. The cause of these troubles, how over, yields quickly toLydiu li. Pink ham's Vegetable Compound made from native roots and herbs It acts at once upon tho organ nlllictcd and tho nerve centers, dispelling efTee tuallv all those distressing Bvmn- toms. No other medicine in the country has received Ruch unqualified indorsement or has such a record of euros of female ills as has ly dia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound Miss Eramn Ihintzler, of 031 Stato St., Schenectady, N. Y., writes: "For a long time 1 was troubled with n. weakness which seemed to drain nil my strength away. 1 had dull headaches, was nervous, irritable, and all worn out. Chancing to read ono of your advertisements of a case similar to initio cured by Lyditi 10. Pinkham's Vegetablo Compound, I decided to try it nnd T cannot express my gratitude for tho benefit received. I am entirely well nnd feel like a now person." Lydia 13. Pinklmm's Vegetable Compound is tho most successful remedy for all forms of Female Complnints, Weak Hack, Falling and Displacements, Intlanimation and Ulceration, mid is invaluable in pre paring for childbirth and the Change of Life. Mrs. Pinkham's Standing Invitation to Women Women suffering from any form of feraalo weakness aro invited to promptly communicate with Mrs. Pinkham, at Lynn, Mass. Ilcr ud'dce is free and always helpful. Vlfl Shirt vm mm mm, m i f m ii "- I i) the fame price per package, but they contain only 12 ounces of starch. Consult your own interests. Ask for DEPMANCE STAKCII, get it, and wo know you will never use any other. Defiance Starch Company, Omaha, Neb. W. L. DOUCLAS $3.00 & $3.50 SHOES 8HOE8 FOR EVERY MEMBER THE FAMILY. AT ALL PRICES. 4K0VVV )Doutnm domm not mskm mall BmMfmrl )noro Mm'a $3 S3. SO mhomm nwswww& 9m than any afMi manufacturer. THE KRASONW. L. Hotiflm hIioch arc worn liy inoro imoplo In all walks of lifothrm any otlinr iimko, In bocnusa of tliolr excellent 6tylo, oasy-tlttinj;, and superior weiring qiialitl:n. Tbo n-lectlon of tbo leathers ami other iniitirlnlu for-iu:h part ot the t-.hoe, and every detail of tho ninkliiK In looked after by tbo U)08tcompleloorK!iniz.-ition of MiperiiitoiidoiitH.fori'irienand tkilbw! tlioenmkers, who receive tbo blubest waes paid in tbo fcboo Smliirtry, and whoso workmanship cannot bo excelled. If I could take you Intoiny laro factories at Hiookton..MasH., nnd chow you bow carefully W. L. Douglas shoe am mado, you would then understand why thoy bold their Hhapo.tit better, wear longer and nro 01 creator vaiuo man any My S4 OIH Edoa and SG Cold Bond Shoes cannot he equalled at any mrlcm CAUTION I The L'oimlno have W. I;. 1 oulns name and price htaiupod on bottom. Tuko Afk vmir iln.ili'r frir W. I.. Duiii'I.-ih hIiis.-h. If ln cannot Hllimlv von. M'tul No Suohtitute. direct to factory. Shoes tent everywhere by mall. SICK HEADACHE! Positively cured by these Little Pills. Thoy ivIho relieve Dlft. rilKCHltou nnd Too Hearty! ICntlng. A perfect rein-! cdy fur DIzzIuchm, Nnu h a, DrownlncRfl, llnd TiiHtc in the Mouth, Cont rd Tongue, I'aln In tha Hide, TO I HMD LIVER.' they regulate the IIotvcIh. Purely Vegetable.' SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE, SMALL PRICE.' Genuine Must Bear Fac-Similc Signature REFUSE SUBSTITUTES. IKS PARKER'S HAIR BALSAM Clean! and bfflutinc tlia hair. Pnunottf a luitirlniit growth. Novor Tall a to Mnatoro Oray Ilntr to lla Youthful Colon Curea calp IImim ft tinlr lallUut. m W. N. U., LINCOLN, NO. 38, 1907. MISS EMMA RUNT2LER Nothing plcnscs (lie eye bo much nu a well made, dainty Waist Suit if properly laundered. To yet the best results it is necessary to use the best laundry starch. Defiance Starch gives that fnmh to the clothes that all Indies desire and should ob tain. It is the delight of the experienced laundress. Once tried they will use no other. It is pure and is guaranteed not to injure the most delicate fabric. It is sold by the best grocers at ioc a package Each package contains iG ounces. Other starches, not nearly so good, sell at BEST IN THE WORLD OF c outer uniKo. Catalog free. W.lDouglat, Brockton, Maa CARTER'S MPITTLE HI VER H PILLS. CARTERS PlTTLE IVER PILLS. 1. Ffc 'af