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About The Nebraska advertiser. (Nemaha City, Neb.) 18??-1909 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 17, 1906)
' N km aii a Advertiser W. W. G A N O'E n S , PunuoHcn Nemnha, - Nebraska WIT Or Tilt YOUNGSTERS. Teacher Why did the ancients lie Hove the earth lo bo Hut V bright Hoy -'Cause thi'y dliln't have tut school globes 1i jirovo It was round, "How do you pronounce s-l-l-n-g-y?" anked tlio teacher of u mint 1 1 pupil, "II. depends on whether you apply the word to n person or n bee," was I ho reply. Ah t lie train rolled Into the depot tho brakcuinu called out: "Twenty niln ntM for dinner!" "Well," mild little .Elmer, "I've heard that time was inon y, hut J never heard of people eating It before." Sunday School Teacher Homombor, Johnny, If you are. a good hoy you will go to heaven Home day and have a beautiful harp. Small John Ahout how Rood will I havo to ho to get a drum In stwwl of a hnrp? ' "Do you dye your hair, Mr, Jones?" asked the Irrepressible little brother. "Certainly not, Tommy," wan the reply. Mut why did yon ask?" " 'Cause," an swered the youthful terror, "your hah' Is black and sister said she guessed you .wore born light-headed." "Mninina," said a llttlo 3-year-old whose father wa.s not a prize beauty, "was papa an ugly when you married liltii as he Is now?" "I suppose ho, dear," wa.s the reply. "Well," wild tho little iiiIhh, "you iiiuhI havo been pretty hard up for a husband." Llttlo Kred I don't see why they :nn't raise watermelons without needs. Mamma---Why, dear, It Is Impossible to raLso such things without seeds." Llt tlo Fred Well, I know something I can rarse without 'em. .Mamma Why, what Is It? Little Fred An umbrella. "Mamma," asked llttlo 3-year-old Margie, "do people go to heaven when they die?" "Yes, dear, If they aro good." replied her mother. "Then I guess grandpa wasn't any good," re joined tho little mis. "'Cause when 'he died they Just put him on a shelf In u big stone house and locked the door." ELECTRICITY BATTLING STEAM. TIi Old Locomotive Sot So Wutt fill mm Oner .Supported. Transportation problems continue to occupy a large share of the attention or the engineer, says Forum. Whether It be for merchandise or passengers, over land or over sea, In the transfor mation of motive power or the recon st ruction of old routes and the opening of now, ones, the best efforts of the en. glneerlng profession In all parte of the world are directed toward the applica tion of sclcntlllc methods to the hn , provpnient of means of transport. Near ly every method of convoying goods or men from place to place appears to he hi a state of transformation and sys tems considered well nigh perfect but n year ago or two aro already falling Into the second class or even becoming obsolete. Thus, In railroading, electric traction Is passing from tho uncertainty of the experimental stage Into the Interme diate state In which the question Is rather the choice of system than tho feasibility of the change. The prob lems of continuous or alternating cur rents, of single-phase or poly-phase mo tors, demand attention, while the de sirability of replacing steam by elec tricity has almost passed beyond dis cussion. This is not because the steam locomo tive is an especially wasteful machine. Tho recent trials of modern locomotive engines In connection with the testing plant of the rcnnsylvnnla Uallroad Company at the St. Louis exposition demonstrated very clearly that the Btcam locomotive Is a much more olll clcnt machine than had been generally supposed. Thus some of tho four-cylinder compound locomotives tested at St. Louis developed a horse power from ns llttlo as 1(1.(50 pounds of steam, and even tho simple engines gave perform ances as low ns 23.-111 pounds; these records comparing vory favorably with the results accomplished by non-eon-dousing stationary engines. Heredity. "I know I'm losing my hair early in life," says tho young man, passing his linnd over his bare scalp; "but my father and grandfather' became bald nt 20." "Ah," comments tho pickle-nosed In dividual, who Is alwnys thinking up - such things, "then, you aro tho holr to their hulrlessness."'- Magavdne of Fun. ' Ilnrred Till I'nll. "Mr. SwlpeB Is u charming mnn. Whj didn't you ask him to call?" "Because he weighs over 200 pounds, and we've Just got tho parlor arranged with willow furniture for tho summer. There isn't a chair in it that'll hold over 175." Detroit Free- Press. .in! pri'U'i-n 'I'd" tnblihmi,ut of the bank of KngJar.d in 1001. the government win paying from twenty 'o fifty percent pr annum for !ho ioan ol money The first ! rged bank-no: w on thn ir.sMl-.iUon. mi lr.Vi ilxty-four yer after the bank wn open" J To Richard VatJglm. a Stafford Hnen-merchnnt. belong the notoriety or having bern th leader in this form of crime Vhf n:!i w detected by expert "ierku who wer- implored on thj kc and wm promptly deputed Hut ln d' Rth did not deter many other ?wi:;dlprj from forging and from that time until the penalty of death for fnrgpry was removed, men were co:itant!y sent to the execu tioner fcr this fr'iiio, Eighty-live counties in Kansas are without a pauper, and tvyenty-iivo are without alms nouses, having no need of ihem In n I'lncli, Unc Allen' Fuot-EiiHe. A powder to sliakp Into your sucifs. It rents the foot, Cures Corns, minions. HwoIIpm, .Sort'. Hot, Callous, Arhlnj;, Hwcntltis; feet nnd IncrowlriR Nulls. Allen' Foot lCnse ninkM new or tljtht shoos easy. SoM by nil DniRclsts nnd Shou Stores, 'J5e. Sample itinllcd KRKH. Addrcs Allen S. Olmsted, l.a Itoy, N. Y. Miss Lizzie Johnson of Casey, Til., although a chronic invalid, ha? earned eleven thousand dollars by the sale of book-marks which she has made. The sum she has given to aid charitable missions. An American correspondent, in de "cribing the Chinese cavalry assorts that horses in finer condition do not exist in any nrmy in the world lie says that the Chinese is a born horse man, who has nothing to learn from Europe or America, although igno rant or veterinary science. A physician in Newark, N. J., brought an apparently dead woman to life by gently moving her tongue She was a married woman, and tho doctor evidently knew where nnima- ion was most likely to linger. Tho beauties of Greenland, when they desire to look really lovely, paint their faces blue and yellow. At a laborer's exhibition which it is proposed to hold in Paris in 1900, the object will be to oiler a compari son between the life of tho workmen throughout the world today and thai of laborers in centuries gone by. In the matter of women's clubs, London is undoubtedly leading the world. There was not a single insti tution of the kind there twenty-one years ago, but now thero is a total membership in woman's clubs ol over twenty thousand. A compressed air engine consisting of twenty-six compressed air cylin ders braced together with stool bands, is usod to operate the tem porary line which at present runs in the Simplon tuunol under the Alps. Tho cylinders supply the motive lorco to the engine. A WINNING START. A Perfectly niurcxtnl llrcnkfunt .llnlii-x JS'vrvr l-'orcn for the Day. Everything goes wrong If the break fast lies in your stomach like a mud pie. What you eat does harm If you enn't digest It It turns to poison. A bright lady teacher found this to be true, even of an ordinary light broakfast of eggs and toast. She says: "Two years ago I contracted a very annoying form of Indigestion. My stom ach was In such condition that a sim ple breakfast of fruit, toast and ess gave me great distress. "I was slow to believe that trouble could come from such a simple diet, but finally had to give It up, and found a great change upon a cup of hot Potttuin and Grape-Nuts with cream, for my morning meal. For more than a yoar I have held to this course nnd have not suffered except when injudi ciously varying my diet. "I have been a teacher for several years and And that my easily digested breakfast means a saving of nervous force for the entire day. My gain of ten pounds In weight also causes me to rrnnt to testify to tho value of Qrapo Nuts. "Grape-Nuts holds first rank at our table." Name glren By Tostum Co., Battle Crook, Mloh. "There's a. raoo." Road the little I book, "The Road to Wellyille." In Dkirs. SOME OF THE QUEER TRADES. OrlKliuiI Aiunreri Wlilrli dime In Jteply to .N tMrNMii P'r Appeal. A request wan recently went out by an English paper for suggestions of novel ways of earning money. Some of the replies have novelty enough and to uparo. Here are a few "professions" which were proposed : A professional ilea catcher, a custo dian for .safety pins, a collector of dried Hies for hens' food, purveyor of fads to the leisure clits.se, a llon-huntlng afceney for society's use, a motor car library to call nt out-of-the-way places with the newest boolcs, a maker-up of minds, a grievance abater, a manners lonelier. Evidently dried flies are In demand, for the suggestion of a dried-fly mer chant came from two quarters. As for the maker-tip of minds and nn equiva lent of the motor car library they ex ist In New York at the present time. So also doe.-? the umbrella and water proof exchange recommended by anoth er person. Among tho queer occupa tions described as already followed Is that of artistically painting with harm less pigments tletltloas, If scanty, hair on ImiIiI heads. "A man I know," says one answer, "make.' his living out of funerals and weddings. lie attends a funeral, gets a list of the wreaths from the under taker (on reciprocal terms), takes a shorthand note of the minister's ad dress, draws up a souvenir reiort of the whole thing and offers it to tho survivors. "liereaved people are an easy prey. Not Infrequently he receiver encourage ment also from the printer or typist If he can persuade them to have It put In type. "Ills tactics are similar In regard to weddings, but there, as he suffers se verely from Hits competition of tho newspapers, his great source of prollt is acting as agent for the loan of wedding presents. It is said that at the second wedding of a well-known politician a Illrinlnghain the presents were valued at (50,01)0 and two-thirds of them wore hired. Commission on -10,000 worth of business Is not to be despised. "Another case Is thaC of a busy farm er's wife In Australia who had the mis fortune to have a paralytic son who wa.s bedridden. She was a notablo manager and. considering the great cost of the Invalid and the loss of his ser vices on the farm, she persuaded Mm to allow clutches of eggs to be placed with proper precaution In the IhmI. that the equal and continual warmth might hatch them. This was accordingly done and the paralyzed youth was as proud of the broods as possible and thorough ly earned his living, besides galnl.ig iv Interest In his life." f IN PROCESS. 1 sx$3x3KSHsx3jKix$J; (xJxjxJkj)! The man In the faded brown overcoat had been growing more and more care worn for tUi last six months. The man who sat with him on the way to the city every morning and on the way home at night hiul noticed it. At last he learned the reason of the change. The careworn man dropped Into his seat with such a heavy sigh on even ing that It would have been Impossible for his friend not to hear It. "I guess you're glad you're going home, where you can get a good, com fortable chair and have a quiet even ing," he said, cheerily. "Quiet evening!' echoed tho care worn man. "We don't have any quiet evenings nowadays." "Don't you?" asUed his friend, un comfortably. "Why or" "There's no domestic trouble," said the sufferer, dolefully. "There's noth ing I'm ashamed to speak of. It's only that my wife has been reading a series of articles on 'How to Make Home At tractive,' and she's carrying out all the Ideas with me to help her. "You needn't think of me sitting In an armchair before tho tire, with my feet up, now 1 can tell you. You can picture me stringing dried pea-pods t make a handsome hanging, or covering an old apple barrel with wool wadding ready for the pink muslin that's going to turn It Into a charming mirror stand. If It Isn't that, 1 shall be engaged In giving a hardwood tlnlsh to some ol tho floors with a preparation that I saw my wife mixing In a tin pall this morning. "Our home may he attractive If wo ever got it done and I'm alive to appre ciate It, but I'll wager the woman that writes those articles lives In u bote! or boards In a hall bedroom," and the careworn man gave another heavy sigh as the brakenmn called out "Paradise Center!" nnd bo gathered up his bun dles. Youth's Companion. More than He Could Ntuml. Ma Twaddles Tommy Twaddles, what do you mean by cuwlug i swearing in that horrible manner that llttlo boy? and at waa makln' fun of our church ! Cleveland r .1 i.euuer. It's a wise traveling man who knows when and whero to stop. TOPICS OF THE TIMES. A CHOICE SELECTION OF INTER. ESTING ITEMS. roimncnta and CrltlctHinn Hnncd Upon tlio HiippciiliiKH of llio Duylllatorl- ciil n tid News Notca. lMvorcc while you wait will now on so to be either popular or profitable. Tliers Is nothing harder to assimilate ban it Filipino with, a krls in his hand The latest fnshion In gentlemen's diirts Is the laundry check Chinese design. .Might not a rude, uneducated earth quake Jar the bottom oven out of u .sea level canal V Another party In nn automobile has 'ome to grief. Sobriety seems to bo :ho safest chauffeur. Carslo Chadwlck has Joined the ranks of the "tcll-allers." Does this make her a muck-raker? A Chicago genius has Invented a baby buggy that shuts up. Hut he iun't invent a baby that'll do It. A man who sold bad meat will go to all for six months. Somehow, this trlkes the Judgment as real reform. A Jersey woman claims that llght Jlng etched a snake on her arm. Any hlng may be expected of Jersey light dug. Anyway, why should one care to fool vlth rate bills and canal matters when le can Avrlte Inspiring articles on the Helpful Hen? The statement that club women aro irylng to uplift a man Is not altogether eassurlng. The anarchists are also .ryhig to uplift royalty. Dead men will please keep away 'rom London, Ky. That's where every lead man found on the streets Is lined ill the money there Is In his pockets. The anti-pass law Is not expected to havo any effect upon the conductor who Is known to be "all right" and the fellows who are known to be "good fellows." lYof. Dowle predicts that after hi loath ho will return to this world av'J inlsh his work; but even that Jolly Iocs not seem to encourage his credlt rs very much. The Supreme Court decision that a couple may he divorced In one State and still be legally married in another Is likely to make many couples won der "where they are at." Alexander lierkman and Emma Goldman, anarchists, have been mar ried with the understanding that they are to separate at the end of two years If they don't like it For anarchists, they seem to be proceeding with great caution. Thomas A. Kdlson again announces that he has discovered how to bring the electric automobile within the reach of everybody and thus put tho horse out of business. Mr. Edison Is one of the most encouraging announc ers now extant. Denatured nlcohol, tho kind from (vhleh Congress has removed tho Inter nal revenue tax, sells at retail in GCr uany for about seven and a half cents i quart Largo quantities of this al ;ohoi are' used for heating, where Americans have hud to uso kerosene aid gasoline because of the prohibitive ?rk-o of alcohol. Eil ward Payson Weston, who was the champion long-dlstaneo walker a gen eration ago, lately excelled tho feat, which ho performed In tho year ISO.', of walking from Philadelphia to New York in twenty-three hours nnd forty nine minutes. Ho Is now 03 years old ; and although It took him seven minutes moro to wulk between the two cities on May 23d last, the route he chose mis nino milcH longer. Walking Is good exercise, but few young men would care to travel afoot nearly a hundred miles In a day. The use of finger marks nnd thumb marks on checks as a moans of guard ing against forgery and preventing dis honest persons from raising the figures on them Is one of the latest novelties in business. Thero Is a possibility that it will become more than a novelty. Ap parently the first mnn to adapt tho Idea to business affairs is a merchant of Plalntleld, N. J. After writing a check ho places an Ink impression of his thumb over the figures, completely ?over!ng but not obliterating them, it is manifestly impossible to raise the figures without making the Interference )bvious on tho thumb mark. His bank er has an Ink Impression of his thumb on file and comparison with tho mark an tho check would instantly reveal uny forgery. Whether our vacation bo tidten i uome or aflold Lts auccoss depends upon what one of the philosophers calls our relation to ourselves. "Limitation makes for happlne.8" is an accepted proverb. That Is to say, the moro fun is to be gotten out of 1L "We are happy In proportion ns our range ol vision, our sphere of work, our points of contact with the world are restrict ed." There Is no renson why the phil osophy, if sound, should not be applied to holidays. For most people tho vaca tion period Is necessiirlly brief. It Is comforting to know that It need not he fruitier for that reason. The In sect traveling around on Its leaf may Imagine that it Is master of a kingdom. A one-day holiday Is worth more to some persons not accustomed to longer respite than a whole summer of bored V laziness Is to the professional Idler. The Chicago Commons has decided that an eligible young man who has saved SHOO ami met a young woman who.'e training at home, In school ami possibly at social .settlements and simi lar institutions has fitted her to do her part In tho making or an attractive home, can afford to "pop the question' and sisk that the day be named. It Is demonstrated by means of tables and dhigr.ims that on a salary of $100 a month a married couple can-, under the cireumstanes named, not only live com- fortubly in a five-room fiat, but savo N.'M; the first year toward a homo of their own. Here Is when Cupid It put out of business. The little god Is no auditor of accounts. When he draws his bowstrings he shuts his eyes, and if the loosened shaft lodge In the heart of a p'utoerat or the breast of a peasant It Is all one to him. Iteally, In come Is the least important thing In happy marriage, and has boon such over since the red roses of love first logon blooming in the human heart. Tho things absolutely essential to the happy home are strangely few. Chief among them are labor and love. Neither of these costs money. I5ut both of them often tly from It. The world Is full of want, but of actual starvation there la little. Want and need aro by no means synonymous. It Is a nice question whether there are not more people who have more than Is really good for them than people who havo not enough. Tho greatest Injuries nnd crimes against mankind to-day are committed by the ultra-rich. The cost of living cannot ba fixed by any standard. It varies from $.'!00 a year for some preachers to $300,- 000 a year for some stock gamblers; but home happiness Is not In proportion to Income. The average Income of fami lies In tho United States is less than $.r)()0 a year. At a complimentary dinner recently given to a distinguished physician of very advanced age Dr. Osier, who has a been so absurdly misquoted and mlsjP understood with regard to tho proper treatment of old age, unfolded his real views on that subject. So far is ho from entertaining the preposterous doc trine that a man is necessarily useless after 00 that he speaks of "frosty yet kindly old age" as a reward, provided mental and bodily vigor accompany it A reward? he asks, and promptly cor rects himself. No, ho says, It Is rathei "a legitimate interest" which ninny should earn, which Is open to most of. us If we but learn the art of growing old gracefully. The art is hard to learn unless Its cultivation Is begun early In life. Ibsen makes his master builder distrustful of youth, hostile to and afraid of It. That is because, after all, tho master builder feels that his life has been a failure a life of self-deception, needless compromise and treachery to tho Ideal. What wo should nil recognize, says Dr. Osier with King Lear, Is that "ago la unneces sary" that It need not bo a grievous burden, a porlod of regret and queru lous fault-finding nnd obscurantist Judgments mistaken for wlso conserva tism. "Life Is a progressive evolution; times ehnnge, and If wo do not chnngo with them the stream leaves us on tho banks with no one to lament our fate." The rising generation should bo met with a smile, not with a scowl, and sympthetlc Interest should bo taken In the new problems that perpetually arlso and in the now ideas and points of view that develop with the march of events and the accumulation of facta nnd experience. Tho old men who do this are the guides, philosophers and friends of the younger and young men, nnd they enjoy tho respect and tho peace they have earned. Vory differ ent gospel this from the scrap-heap teaching of Dr. Woods Hutchinson or the chloroform proposals Dr. Osier la supposed to havo half-serlously made for the benefit of all men over 00 years of age. ... ....... . .... -5 tv oiiiiiii'i uive linn Time. Prokelelgh I did think of ordering a suit from Cutts, but i couldn't get him t promise to give It to me on time. Newltt Why, bo's usually verj prompt. Brokelolgh Oh, yes, but he wanted, me to bo equally prompt. Public Ledger. if a man has any romance lii him, tho only way he can escape, gettlnj married is to lock himself up in room fiummor evenings, and only yea turo out when it rains. -.V. & t