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About The Nebraska advertiser. (Nemaha City, Neb.) 18??-1909 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 3, 1906)
N KM All A AuVKRUSKU W. W. SAND'SRS, PUDLiattrn Nemnha, ItittliiT CiniiMi'. "Did yon (ell your fill her I wit ft humorist r" nuked the lull young inuii with long I in I r. "I did," replied tho pretty lrlt "imd lie laughed." "Laughed? Why, I thought Ins used lo Hiiy writing Joke was hiird ou tho brain." "So ho did ; hut ho mii.vh ho novor hoard of your writing any Jokes." lllilliUV Mm Ulnir. ttuimw Render's wife was away for a week. (uyur Yoh, and I l;.t ho Iiiih lncn painting the town red tho whole.1 time. Gunner Why so? (luycr Heeiiiiso ho Iiiih been trying to paint, Ida iioho white hoforo she re turns. Sirleily Spi-nltli'iKi Dick Was Jack Jealous because I called tho other night? Kduit Terribly I I lo almost hates you. I Mole Hook, oh? Woll, I shall Kcud you a hox of candy to-morrow for ro Tengo. ICdmi Ah, "revenge Is nwoel." A tlfiilli! Jllrtt. "Ethel," the nweet glrl'B father called jeutly from above HtalrH. "Yes, father. Wliat Is It?" (die an swered through the midnight stillness. ".fust toll your young man to be on re fill and not trip over tho morning's mill; when ho goes out." Catholic Standard imd Times. Tim in I it I no View, "Did you see that Hlory about a rich young fellow In Pittsburg who ran off with bis mother's maid?" "Yes. What a shame!" "1 think so, too. Why, It's next to Impossible to get a good maid." Phllu klclphla Public Ledger. A r-c ii Inn (-il I'll ii I nil UK-n(. Tho shabby prisoner charged i with' riot glared at the court. "I am an anarchist," bo growled. "Ah, an anarchist bum," remarked the court, a personage not devoid of humor; "It would not bo safe to dis charge you. Sixty days." Philadel phia Public Ledger. It Vol Mny lie. "See hero," said the lobbyist of tho future, "I want you to secure tho vote oC Airs. State Senator .Ilgglns. You 'ought to got It for $100." "Oh, my," exclaimed the female as sistant, "t wouldn't think of offering lier that." "You don't mean to say she'd want lore?" "Oh, no, I'll offer her $08.1)8." Phil tlolphlu Press. IIunIiicn Modioli. Mr. Wholesale My boy, 1 hope you nave something out of your iiV;ly sal ary of $:t? Hoy Yes, sir; 1 save ?1 a week! Mr. wholesale All, I know l was paying you too much I Alter this I'll give you two! !) Their Ilo.it. "Do you. manage to keep on the right bUIo of your ohaperon?" "When wo can we do. She's blind du that side." Cleveland Leader. Doiiu-nCIo Kcoiioiii y. Mrs.. Flash I have given my husband a' necktie on each of Ids birthday until- Torasrles for. the past ten years, am! tho total cost has been but 50 cents. Mrs. Dash Why, bow's that? Mrs. Flash I always give him tin Bamo tie. Hotter Sttlt. Little Girl Please, Mrs. Neighbors, l.'senb me over to borrow a llttlo ur,' two eggs, a cup of sugar and a it of milk. Airs.. Neighbors Well, you go back nomo and tell your ma to como over In about an hour and take the cake. I'onNllilt- K veliiiiut Ion. Slhiklns I wonder why poopla squander so much money on drugs and medicines to make them well? TimkliiB- I supposo It's because they squander more money on things to eat Hiul-drlnlc that make them sick. Natural Deiluetloii. The Friend Is your new book being ivell received? Tho Author I guess ho. The pub lishers went Into the hands of a re ceiver last week. Alivny the Contrnry. "Is your wife's mother still with you?" asked Singleton. "No," answered Weddorly, "sho's still aguliist mo every tlmo there Is a family argument on tap." n iu 1 rat oi-onN t w-ffnprr-'. wl ! 'i . n ri-tnvtd in tli' lire Iavf lv tliia limn ntiiMMioil II i h r if H fi I inn I form unci r.f and fe now iMuing a? many us 16 pngM in regular daily edition. Circulation ha been stim ulated by the catastrophe and it i? impossible to take care of the adver tising' t lift t i pouring into the oHlce. The body of Kleanor Perkins, n nurse who had been sixty-four year in the ferviee of a family in Lincoln shire, Knglnnd, wii3 carried to tl:c grave the other day by four sons of the fumily, all of whom she had tiurjed in their infancy. Now that you have plenty ol (lower don't be stingy with them. Cut and send them to the ?ick. to chiwltti-blf entertainment 4 and to your f sends and acquaintances who w not frtna'? U3 to pos-e r:-rr., Keep the ground around tho Carna tions wanted for winter blooming well cultivated and the stems pinched back. The same treatment should bo given other winter blooming plants that may be planted out in tho Harden. . Pendleton G. Huckloy and Clarence Dalem, of Louisville, Ky.. are gath ering evidence to show that Abraham Lincoln was born in Washington county Kentucky, instead ol La Kue county Tie the top henvy plants, such as Dahlias and Gladoli. to neat stakes o they will not get injured during hard winds or heavy rains CASTOR I A For Infants and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought Bears tho Signature of Tt is the fact that in ancient times the people of the county of Kent, tJngland, were divided into two ilasses the Kentish men and the men of Kent. This division is said fo have originated at the time of the Vorman Conquest. William inarched 'lmost unopposed through that part -f tho county which lie3 oast of Modway, but met with a severe cheek between Maidtdone and Oravesend. hrough which lie was compelled to "oniiso the maintenance ot various )ld rights and customs, that ol gavel kind being specially reserved. Tho men who so valiantly resisted him were thereafter called emphatically 'men of Kent. " the inhabitant of the other portions of ilie county being spoken of generally as 'Kentish men " You Cuit (let Allen' Foot-Huso KRUKt Wrl tt to ilnr to Allen S. Olmsted. I.e Itov. N. V., for ;i 1-ltIOi: sample of Aliens Knot KiiKt.', u )ovilii to shake Into your shot's. it cures tiuvl, sweating, not, xwoilnn. ncli lui; feet. It iiiii lies new or lltflit shoes easy. A certain cure for Torn ami bullions All UruuKlMH anil Shoe stores sell It. L'oC. It is haru, hot work, but is lust as necessary to keep the weeds out of the flower garden now as it was earlier in the season Don't let them ripen ami scatter soeus ijr next .i . . i year's growth You Cannot all inflamed, ulcerated and rat.irrlml rnn, ditions of the mucous memhr.in snrl n nasal catarrh, uterine catarrh caused oy feminine Ills, sore throat, sore mouth or Inflamed eyes by simply dosing the stomach. But you surely can cure these stubborn affections by local treatment with Paxtine Toilet Antiseptic which destrovs the disease P'erms.rhprLr discharges, stops pain, and heals the inliammation and soreness, Paxtine represents the most successful local treatment for feminine ills ever produced. 1 housands of women testify lAtl.!. .1 J W IIIIQ tVIUO ill UlUIStSa Send for Free Trial Box TUB R. I'AXTON CO., Uoston. Maaa. iInlE, .TInmpson's Eye Watei WIT OP THE YOUNGSTERS. "You have been a naughty boy, P.ob bie," sii Id Ills mother, "and I shall tell your father." "Oh, of course!" ox flalmed Hobble. "You never can koe'i ii H'oret." Ylsltor Well, my little man, I sup pno you take after your father, do you not? Little .Man (aged H) No, sir; but be takes after me with a stick sometimes. Margie (aged -I) Is your papa a woman? Elsie (aged fi) No; 'course not. Margie- Well, I heard my nupa say lie bad a dress suit on at th the ater the other night. Little Elinor -My mamma can tell things by lookln' at people's hands. Visitor Indeed! Is she a palmist'' Little Elmer- I dunuo; every time she HookH at my bauds she tells me to go land wash 'em. Mamma Yesterday I gave you a I (dime to bo good and to-day you are "Vl 'vieutly trying to see how had you can be. Little Jolinnio-Thiit's all right, maiiimii. I'm proving to you that, you got the worth of your money yester day. Little Margie (traveling with nor mother in a sleeping car) I guess It sn't any use to say my prayers to night, mamma. Mainnia Why, not, larllng? Little Margie Hceause with all this noise (inl couldn't hear a word I said. "Mainnia." snld little Elmer, "why do they call young cats kittens? "He- a use that Is their right name. I sup- h)so, replied the mother. "TIi-mi. wild Winer, "If llttlo cats are kittens, little rats must be rlttens, ain't they, mainnia Sunday School Teacher Is there any mention of gambling in the Bible? Hrlght Hoy Yo, ma'am. David play- I cards. Sunday School Teacher How do you kimwV Hrlght Hoy Why, doesn't the Bible say he took four kings from the Philistines? A llrouil l'ermlt. Llutou Park, who Is now an Inmate of the Soldiers' and Sailors' Home at Hrle, I'a., was among those who Joined in the chorus, "We are coming, Father braham, three hundred thousand more." lie enlisted at Washington, and was assigned to the Second District of Columbia Itoglmcut. Mr. Park was then, as now, a vege tarian. While he could assimilate ev erything connected with bis answer to the call to duty from the stand of pa triotism, he could not assimilate the army pork. It was plain that If the government wished to do the square thing by Mr. Park It would have to show broad-inlndediicss In the matter of rations. So he took bis troubles to President iLlucolu, and explained that In some re spects ho was like the children of Is rael after they set out from Egypt. Ho could not forget the leeks and onions with which he was wont to regale him self back In Indiana County. Lincoln smiled. "You want mo to turn you out to graze like Nebuchad nezzar?" ho asked. "It would beat salt pork," was Mr. Park's reply. Thereupon Mr. Lincoln wrote carelessly on an ordinary sheet of paper : "The bearer, Linton Park, is here with granted permission to browse wherever be chooses." Mr. Park saw the humor In tho note, and enjoyed it quite as much as Lin coln did. lie also enjoyed his privilege of "browsing." The note Is still In his possession. Itrllulou of tin? Worlil. The religions of the world are di vided as follows: ChrlHtlunlty 4 77,080, ir.3 Conrueianum -jau.ouu.uuu llln.loolsin 11)0,000,000 Mo lamineilnu sm 17.S34.72 Uu.UUiUm 117,1)00,000 Tuolxtn and SlilntoUm 07,000,000 Judaism 7,0511,000 Various heathen faltlia 118,120,470 Total 1,430,000,000 The subdivisions of the worldwide Christianity are: Uouiau embolic Church L'ao.stio.riua 1'roteMtnnt ehurches 14a,'ja7,0L'5 Greek ohurehes 03,010,000 Church of AhysMnla 3,000.000 I'ojule Church l'JO.000 Armenian Church 1,000,000 Nesimlans and Jacohlles 1.10.000 Total -177,080,153 '1' lie ii unit .Nov, Home years nyo Mr. Carnegie defined u college as "a monastery mitigated by rootball." Recently President John 11. Flnley, of tho College of tho City of New York, gnvo a now definition, and one Htrletly up to date: Football- a conlllct engaged In by students ou a gridiron In the autumn and by college presidents and profess Drs around a table In the winter inontliH. It Is played according to rules dictated by the President of the United States. Tlie majority of women do not seem to realize that pretty women are In tho minority. A hero Is all right as long an ho lasta, but he seldom lasta long. ji nas oeen shown ns tbe re3Jit rf cartful experiment for t?ting ir relative rflicieney of plain and rL' J glass that much more light 1? thrown into the darker corners of rnMir when the ribbed glas? Is used -tl corrugations dispone the light thoroughly and cause a more general diffusion of light than plaiti gla?a Kissing in public is unlawful in Jiussin. A kiss ou the street is pun ishable by a fine or three dollars: on a street car, nbout two dollars more. A declaraton of love on a postal card makes the writer liable to a fine of two dollars- This is to compel the writers of love gush to conceal their rapturous sentiment in the seclusion of a sealed envelope The dwarfing of trees has been re duced to a scione in Japan, and some of the specimens nre really wonders. It is done by preventing an abundant flow of sap, so that, wllilo the tree is kept living and healthy, vegeta tion docs not go on with its natural activity. The trees are planted in narrow and shallow flower-pots, great care being taken to prevent the roots from penetsating the earth beneath the pots. They are very sparingly watered, the strongest and leading shoots are pinched oil, and the branches are bent and twisted in several ways. I5y following these plans expert growers produce extra ordinary specimens of dwarf trees that excite the wonderment of all who see them. To whiten the hands rub them lirst with lemon juice, and afterwards with dry salt. This is especially good when, aftor preserving, the hands are rtained with fruit. They should be rinsed immediately in luke warm water, and well dried. A young man in Atlanta received a letter from Hillvillo which surprised him. Here are its main features: "John old feller, this is to let you know thai your uncle is in jail, an' wants you to send him his riddle. hN slippers, a j'lg o' the kind o' corn licker he likes best, an' a hymn book with the hymns ho knows in it, so's ho won't lose his religion in them ungodly surroundings." HIS ONE WEAK SPOT. Prominent Mlitiiexotn, Mere-limit by Uuuii'n Cured to Stay Cured Ktilnry l'lllN. O. C. Hayden, of O. C. Hoyden Sc Co., dry goods merchants, of Albert Lea, Minn., says: "I was so lame that I could hardly walk. There was an unac countable weakness of the back, and constant pain aud aching. I could Hud no rest anil was very uncomforta ble at night. As my heulth was good In every other way I could not understand this trouble. It was lust ns If all the strength had gone from ftiv hn'L- Aftor KiifferliiL' for some time I began using Dean's Kidney Pills. The remedy acted at once upon the kidneys, and when normal action was restored, the trouble with my back disappeared I have not had any return of It." For sale by all dealers. ."0 cents a box. Foster-Milburn Co., DulTalo, N. Y. An instrument that' transmit sic natures and exact imitations of one'; handwriting has b'-n invented by a Parisian named Cerebotani. With the aid of this device a man can sign checks, or documents fully a thous pnd miles from where h chances to be. DOCTOR CURED OF ECZEMA. Maryland Physician Cures Himself Dr. Fisher Says: "Cuticura Eera- edios Possess True Merit." "My face was utllU'ted with eczema In the year 1SD7. I used the Cuticura Remedies, and was entirely cured. I am a practicing physlslan. and very often prescribe Cuticura Resolvent and Cuticura Soap In cases of eczema, and they have cured where other formulas have failed. I am not in the habit of endorsing patent medicines, but when I Und remedies possessing true merit, such as the Cuticura Remedies do, I am broad-minded enough to proclaim their virtues to the world. I have been practicing medicine for sixteen years, and must say I And your Remedies A No. 1. You are at liberty to publish this letter. O. M. Fisher, M. D., Big Pool, Md., May i!4, 1005." T 1 . . . Sale Ten Million Boxes a Year. THE FAMILY'S BEST FOR To treat Pimples and Blackheads, Red, Rough, Oily Complexions, gently smear the face with Cuti cura Ointment, the Great Skin Cure, but do not rub. Wash off the Ointment in five minutes with Cuticura Soap and hot water, and batle freely for some minutes. Repeat morning and evening. At other times use Cuticura Soap for bathing the face as often as agree able. No other Skin Soap so pure, so sweet, so speedily effective. Cutlcsra Snip jnnibllin dfllrite mrillclnal and finol. Itent pioirll UrWrd from Cutl-ma, the Krcnt Skin Curt, w(h thf pure of oleamlnir InjardlrnFf mid Ib moiirrfrMhlnir of flnwrr ndon. Two Sntpi In nrif atont Zttr''J'A! V'M.w,pl"l Toilet Sop. Ofpott. Iin. ?on,.S Sh,rte.rhm,w )' l'rl,S line dclal'nlx, Boa ton, 137 Columbia A vr Tolltr Pruc A Chfin. Torp .Sola rrup QF-MalW ' i Itratitlfv the Skin." The Greatest Boardina Colletje IN THE WORLD Notre Dame, Indiana We guarantee two potnti Our atuJrnla uludy und our atudenta behave thcinaclwa 10 Buildings 75 Professors 800 Students Cuurtai In Ancient and Hedern Lanfutgtf, Enjllih, lilt tit), and Icouomlce, ChetnliUr, Kloluay, riiaimecir, Ueclrlcal, and Mechanical Enjlneerlni, ArcMtaUure, Law, Shuithaud, Uook-ketplnf, Tjrpe-wtlttnf Special Department lor Boys Under Thirteen TERMS: Board, Tuition, and Laundry. $400. Send ten cents to the Secretary tor Catalocue. THE DAISY FLY KILLER S'."::? bo laiti the otltllt seitun lUruiUiel p4iiont; clean, neat and will not toll cr Injure anything, Tia theui once and y wlllnetor ba with, outtlicm. If not ktpt b) denlere, aent pre paid for 20o llnrold N.nirr.. 140 Di-kalb ., Ilro-Alrt, . K 60 Bus. Winter Wheal Per Aero That'i the yield nt HAI.'.IMtN KI "KOK HVtlltll WINTKK U'llKAT. Send 2 eenti In iUuipe tut Free impleuf lame, at alio r.itlirue of Editor Vhe.ite, liye, Bar lr Clorert, TUlothy Urnli'l, llillba, Tree, el. for fall planlih SALZUR SUED CO., tlox C. Lacrosse, Wibconsb nT amn V Jnsvr uisoovkrvi o quick I 4 I r- B tellef and earet word eaj Book ui rtut taetlmealali and ll Ilnya" treitine -m. lr.II.H. UUEUN'SauNS. Ilox U. Atlui.t.U r.c patient with tho Pansios and they will reward you with perfect l)!o-soni3 the latter part of next month. 500 VIRGINIA I'AItMS. buildlncs. timber best climate, water, markets, futup. Grains trucklni: tlnlry.nu'. poultry. Grunt opiiortunl ties for farmers- Write for Real Kstute Her aid, Pyle St Co., Petersburg. Va Persons suffering from oxcedaivo perspiration should not take hot bath:). $2 to $5 LANDS I ioooooo acres richest farm lanU, Cok ! Kansas and. Nebraska win crow any Colorado, .trvlilnr . ---. ' H.. u - v ... on i it ... ....JV.....H, vjw l i.uiucmuuhs lucaieu rriuieu iwia sho wlnn exact loeutlons and prices- also macs pictures etc KRKK STEK1.INO INVKST.MKNT (3(). U03 l'nint At. .Sttirllne Colo. Walking bareloot is a simple and natural means of hardening tho system. Mrs WinsloWs SOOTHING SYRUP forchU. drea teething, softens the Kurr.s, reduces lnlla mution uilayb pain. cures colic Price 25c bottle N N. U. 933-31 YORK. NEBR FAVORITE MEDICINE THE BOWELS Unnilf oi Noire m