N km ah a Advertiser
W. W- SAND'fRS, PuoLUMtn
Nemaha, Nebraska
OUK BDJJGKT OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
ING3 HERE AND THERE.
JnkcN mill JoUclctn tlmt Are Kiipponpd
to Have llcen Recently Ilnrn Ha yltiun
mill Diilnr." tlmt Arc Old, Ctirlotm mid
Lniiulinblo Tlio V'crl('n lliinior.
M. Pritdlionifiio I received an nnotiy
nioiiH letter thin morning.
M. lloiihomnio Proof 1 The vllo
things. Whenever X receive mt nnony
nioiiH letter 1 do not tnko tin; tronlilu
to oiion 1L
Itllihoii Vnr I '.
Dolly I lor first husband was such a
dude ho made hot prow his ties every
day.
Tolly How uliont her second hus
band? Dolly Oh, he Is such n fop ho makes
lior press his shoelaces.
Sure llel.
lllggs There kdch a politician win
has paid the price of hiiccoss.
Dlggs I'll bet be didn't receive as
imieli change as he expected.
Tin IiIoii'n Shun;.
Teacher It was very wrong, liohby,
for yon and Willie Smith to (piarrel
over that cake until your older brother
lntorforcd. Whose part did ho take?
Hobby He took It all.
KimmiuIi Said.
Passerby Is that your pork down
there on the road, guv'nor?
Farmer Pork ! What d'ye mean',
There's a pig ' initio out there.
. Passerby Ah, hut there's n motor
vnv Just been by.
Xitt on the 4I,evl."
"How do we know the world Is
round V" nsked the school teacher.
"Because wo know It Isn't square,"
promptly replied the boy who had been
ubsorblng knowledge ubout 'graft and
boodle.
At tho Fortune Teller'.
Sorceress Ho will wed you, miss,
but beware of u woman with yellow
hair. .
Helen Gracious ! I must bo threat
ened by a yellow peril.
Wlmt She Snlil.
Young Wife I made theso biscuits
myself, dear. What do you think ol
them?
Young Husband Why, my mother
couldn't beat them
Young Wife Oh, you flatterer I
Young Husband With n club.
Young Wife Oh, you wretch I
Surprised.
Homer I have bad news for you,
old man. Your friend Watklns lias
eloped with your wife.
Peckcm You don't say! I'm sur
prised at Watklns ; I thought he knew
iny wife bettor than that.
Informal ton Wan tod.
Tho Tramp Excuse me, ma'am, bul
I'm looking for Information.
The Woman Well, what Is It you
wish to know?
The Tramp What thno will youst
have dinner ready?
AiixIoum to Know.
Weary Ways (reading) Dey snlut
ed do President wit' twenty-one guns
. Rambling Hags Gee I How many hi
liltu?
lior View.
'Yes," said tho young man, "my ears
are lather large, I must admit: but
large ears are a sign of generosity,
believe."
"That's right," rejoined tho fait
X
aiuiu. "Thoy Indicate thatlmturo has
Henry Leo, who is frequent 1
spoken of as "Light Morse Harry,"
horn in Westmoreland county, Va.,
tm January J 750. Jn 1777 he
Joined Washington Just before the,
battle of Hrandywino, and from that
time for three years was employed in
scuttling and outpost duty, in which
his restless activity and extraordin
ary dash earned him tho nickname
of "Light-Horse Harry." He assisted
(jcneral Wayne at tho capture of
Stony Point, and commanded an
expedition which surprised and
captured the Hrilish post at Pan I us
Hook, an exploit which won for him
the thanks of Congress, the award of,
a gold medal, and tho warm com
mendation of Washington.
The rtuson it is essential for manu
script intended for printers to he
written on only one side of tho paper
8 because a sheet of copy, in case of
hurry, especially on daily papers, is
often cut up in several pieces, called
"takes," and given to as many com
positors to hastily put in tpye. If
written on both sides this could not
be oonvcicntly done. Resides some
manuscript is on thin paper, and if
written on both sides It is dillicult to
decipher, because the writing shows
through the thin sheet, and is a
severe lax on the eyes, the brain and
tho patience of editors, compositors
and proofreaders, whose duty is to
read it.
UTTERLY WORN OUT.
Vitality Supped y 'Your of Sun'er-
liiHT wltti Kldnt-y Trouble.
C'apt. .7. W. llogun, former Postmas
ter of Indlanola, now living at Aus
tin, Texas, writes: "I was alllieted for
years with pains
across the loins
and In the hips
and shoulders. I
h a d headache
also and neural
gia. My right
eye, from pain,
wns of "Hie uso
r miJ - to 1110 for V(,"M-
I WW The ennstnnt flow
of urine kept my
system depleted,
causing nervous chills and night sweats.
After trying seven different climates
and using all kinds of medicine, I had
tho good fortune to hear of Doan's
Kidney Pills. This remedy has cured
me. I am as well to-day as I was
twenty years ago, and my eyesight Is
perfect."
Sold by ail dealers. r0 cents a box.
Fostor-Mllburu Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Four hundred and twenty million
eggs and 1,780 000 hundred weight of
butter wore exported from Denmark
to tho United Kingdom during tho
venr 1904.
MOTHER GRAY'S
SWEET POWDERS
FOR CHILDREN,
A OorUln Onto for FovtirMinrns,
Count linitloii, II o a it u c ti c,
MtoiimiUi Troulilim, Triitlilwr
pUnrdcrn, unci Don troy
Win-in. Ther Itri-nli mi (JoliU
Mother Gray.
NurwinOhllU.
ran'n Horn.
tUw Xork UlU.
in 34 lunir. At nil DruggiM. 26 CU.
H will) I. milled KllKB. ildras,
A. S. OLMSTED. Lc Roy. N Y,
Tho largest deposits of nickel aro
on tho island of Now Caledonia, a
Froneh possession in tho South Pa
cilia.
THE DAISY FLT KILLER SSK
bo lain th tlltllt
f 4oii lUrnildiU
tint will nut toll or
InjurtuiyUiInf, Ttf
ttltW illlC and jroq
will nr ! with
oiittliem, If tit Vapl
by iltaltM, int pr
ptM for Wo. Harold
Sc.fr., llSU.k.H,
You Cannot
CURE
all inflamed, ulcerated and catarrhal con
ditlons of the mucous membrane such as
nasal catarrh, uterine catarrh caused
by feminine Ills, sore throat, sore
niotttlt or tnrianieu eyes by simply
dosine the stomach.
But you surely can cure these stubborn
affections by local treatment with
Paxtine Toilet Antiseptic
which destroys the disease, germs.checks
discharges, stops pain, and heals the
lnllammation and soreness.
Paxtine represents the most successfu
local treatment for feminine ills ever
produced. Thousands of women testify
i- .1 t t . L .1 !....
10 in is xaci. 50 ccuis ui ui uggiMs.
Send for Free Trial Box
THE R. PAXTON CO.. Boston. Mm
1 I
TOPICS OF THE TIMES. ,
A CHOICE SELECTION OF INTER- !
ESTINQ ITEMS.
'oititncti ta and CrltleiHiiiH Hutted Upon
the Hupjiciilnuii of tho Duy Histori
cal anil Ncwii Note.
Light-weight men always think they
tiro heavy-weight thinkers.
One way to acquire new friends
Illicitly Is to lulu-fit a million dollars.
A man may want to be able to work,
'mt that Is no sign that ho wants to
work.
The Czar wants a navy built on an
ntlrely new system. How would one
constructed of curie suit him?
Is It because adult baseball players
make a business of playing a game
that they act so much like boy''
Truth doesn't mind being crushed to
earth, but this business of being used
lor a punching bug is what Jarx.
Wltte's retirement will he felt. He
as one of the few Russians wh had
name that anybody could pronounce.
The gaekwar of Haroda Is said lo
have an Income of $7,riO(),()(H) a year,
mid he Is not a captain of Industry.
either.
In Russia the ruler's troubles are
likely to be mostly with the lower
hoii.-e. Things are different In this
on 11 try.
I'he girl who marries a fellow to re
form him seems to lose sight of the
fact that there are lots who don't need
reforming.
Why till this excitement over the lit
tle matter of veracity at Washington V
liven the psalmist in his haste said all
men were liars.
Keforni our spelling. Cut out the
silent letters. Then cut out tho ones
that make a noise. After that we can
have somo peace.
Maxim Gorky's real name Is Alexel
Maxlmovltch rieschoff, and after a sec
ond look at it, very few people- will
blame him for trying to forget It.
Tho Czar says ho has unlimited con
fidence In tho Kusslan people. Every
thing would bo lovely If the Kusslan
people would return the compliment.
New Jersey Is spending a lot of mon
ey to destroy tho niostpiltoes. Tho mos
quitoes made the mistake of not having
heinselves Incorporated under tho New
Jersey laws.
John D. Rockefeller says his father
Is dead. Frank Rockefeller says his
father Is being well eared for. It Is a
wise Rockefeller who knows the where
abouts of his own father.
A New York gambler who died the
other day left $1,000 for the care of
one of his old enemies who had lost his
luck. Let the Independent oil rentiers
hoie on. They may be taken care of
In good time.
A scientist at Prague has found out
how to read by the light emanating
troin a sausage. Now let some bard
write a great poem ou this achieve
ment, and there will be something new
under the sun. I'oetry, science and
sausage would make a winning com
bination. It Is not to be wondered at that
the Chinese in Kan Francisco are in
n panic over the destruction in the lire
of more than LTi.OOO certltlcates of legal
residence. This Is not only bad for
those who have lost such certltlcates
but it will bo productive of endless
problems for the emigration officials to
solve. It Is expected that every China
man will claim on arrest that his cer
tificate was destroyed and the difficul
ties which such a chaotic condition
must lead to upon both sides arc ob
vious. Our Chinese problem Is grow
ing intricate and threatening.
It is doubtful If the average annual
income of lawyers, including all mem
bers of tho profession good, bad and
indifferent exceeds ?.i,000. Whllo a
few aro able to command large fees
and pile up comfortable fortunes, the
majority aro far loss fortunate. And
tho lower strata of the profession con
tain an Immense number who live from
hand to mouth nnd many of whom are
undeserving of any sort of a living in
that profession, although they might
bo worthy of respect If engaged In an
occupation for which thoy were fitted
by nature and attainments. In all pro
Cessions "there Is always room on top,'
and by tho samo token there Is always
a crowd at or near tho bottom.
Tho close of tho four-year term of
tho first president of Cuba, which has
been unmarrod by a single disturbing
Incident and Is crowned with tho in
auguratlon of Presldeut Palma for i
second term, recalls tho lugubrious ore
dictions inado when that essay in self
government was begun. Instead of
proving themselves unlit for autonomy,
the Cubans have shown an exampjp of
stability that put lo shame many old
er nations. ThH happy condition in
the Island whose freedom was won by
America Is as gratifying to us as to
the Cubans themselves. We find in It,
besides the reward coming from a con
sciousness or having faithfully kept
what the olllelal world considered to be
a quixotic promise, the evidence that
It has been successful beyond our most
hopeful anticipations.
"In all criminal prosecution the ac
cused shall enjoy the right to a speedy
and public trial by an Impartial Jury of
the State ami district wherein the crime
Khali have been committed." That Is
a provision made In the "bill of rights"
in the sixth of the ten amendments sub
mitted by the first Congress. There
never has been and probably never will
be a demand for a repeal of that sec
tion of the fundamental law. IJtit Just
so long as an accused person must be
tried In the Judicial district In which
the crime with which he Is charged oc
curred and tried by a Jury of the vicin
age It will be impossible to eonvici!
lynchers in communities that sympiir
thlze with their acts' or are afraid t4
provoke their animosity.
A Philadelphia boy arraigned befrtro
a magistrate for stealing from a store
drew himself up In a theatrical porfe
and assailed the astounded magistrate
with: "1 hurls me defiance In yer teet'!
I ain't afraid!" Dime novels and yel
low newspapers have made a fool of
him and he thinks himself a hero for
defying the law when he is only a
dirty little rulllau. It was suggested
that the fit penalty for him would be
to make him an object of ridicule by
a public spanking administered by a
woman, since to Imprison him would
only puff him up still more with "hero
ism." Probably it Is too late for spank
lnr. That should have been done years
ago by his mother. Somebody neglect
ed it then and his mock heroics are
one consequence, with a sadder one
looming dark In his future.
N Many years before the recent Unitar
ian conference assembled tho doctrine
was advanced that it is wrong to save
money. It Is the old decision that lSj
to be made between laying up treasures,
on earth, where moth and rust corrupt
and thieves break through and steal,
and laying up treasures In heaven.
Tliero may be no heaven in modern the
ology, the joys formerly ascribed to
that city of golden streets and eternal
bliss coming in service to one's fellow
men, but, even with that modification
of conditions granted, there will hardly
be general acceptance of the theory
once again announced that frugality
and economy are dangerous tendencies
In life. "The men and women who
spend," one speaker declared, "are not
dangerous; they are helpful; they keep
tho money perpetually reverting to the
people in some form." "It would be
far better that both rich and poor
should be prodigal of their means and
so keep money In circulation than for
tho rich and the poor to bo frugal andj
saving," were the words of another.
The mania for saving which makes tho
Individual miserly and hard is onsjf
thing, a misdirection of purpose which
has never failed to meet condemnation.
The desire for saving which puts mil
lions into savings banks, opens the
door to opportunity, makes capitalisa
tion of Industry possible, gives employ
ment to thousands In special purslts,
encourages endowments for religion,
art, education,, science, has been com
mended in every age. Such statements
as those which have been quoted are
one-sided and consequently of compara
tively little importance. Tho drunkard,
tho gambler, the rake, spend their
money freely. They keep It in circula
tion, but tho experience of tho past.
which Is always the safest guide, does
not .show that such a habit has been
of benefit to humanity. Tho training
to save has meant sobriety, industry,
homo ownership, integrity, respectabil
ity, good citizenship. It has made tho
prosperity of the nation. It is a bless
ing. Tho occasional examples of thoso
who, having risen from the ranks and
having been possessed with the miser's
greed, havo been overbearing and harsh
toward their less prudent former com
panlons cannot- bo used as arguments
against tho desirability of encouraging
the spirit of thrift. There may bo pos
Itlve evils connected with tho deslro to
save, but the resultant advantages aro
so much more Important that no one
who thinks deeply would over advocato
the theory that tho savings habit is ono
dangerous to society on principle. Tho
facts aro all bearing testimony to tbu
opposite conclusion.
Vnrlniin Sort.
"Y'ou hear so many people talking of
'tho pace that kills.' I wonder what
they mean exactly."
"Well, It depends. There's tho mes
senger boy's pace, for Instance, that
merely kills time." Philadelphia Led
er.
When a man runs away from his
wife, do other wives think, "l wish
mine would run away from uteV" Or
do they become scared and try to do
bettor 2
BAD COMPLEXIONS
Dopravod Blood Causcu Pimplos and
Bolls-Dr. Williams' Pink Pills
Make Now Blood and
Curo Follows.
" I nbusetl my stomach, my blood gofc
out of order and then my faco broke out
With pimples and boils," says T. E. Rob
erUou, of 107 Addison street, Washing
ton, Pa. "This was over two years ago.
My stomach was in bad shape. After
eating I would havo to rost awhile or I
would suffer tho most severe pains in
my stomach. On arising I wonld often
be so dizzy that 1 could hardly stand up.
Tho slightest exertion would start my
back aching so that 1 often had to sit
down and rost awhile. At times I ex
perienced a pain around tho heart which
alarmed mo but which 1 suppose camo
front my stomach trouble.
'I began to break out on tho faco with
pimples and later with boils which con
fined mo to tho house a week or more ab
a time. Ono day I saw Dr. Williams'
Pink Pills for Pale People advertised in a
pamphlet which was left at tho door and
I thought I would givo them a trial. I
toolc several boxes of the pills before all
tho pimples and boils left mo, but I am
now glad to say tlmt my blood is good.
I do not havo any eruptions and I no
longer havo tho head and stomach
troubles 1 havo described. I ant very
grateful for what Dr. Williams'Pink Pilla
havo done for mo nnd I havo recom
mended them ami always will adviso
thoso who aro suitering from bad blood
or stomach trouble to try them."
If you wan t good health you must havo
good blood. Bad blood is tho root of most
common diseases like anuMuia, rheuma
tism, sciatica, neuralgia, St. Vitus'dnnco,
nervousness, indigestion, debility, par
tial paralysis and locomotor ataxia.
Dr. Williams' Pink Pills aro sold bv
all druggistsor sent, postpaid, on receipt
of price, COc. per box. six boxes for $2,150,
by the Dr. Williams Mediuiuo Company,
Schenectady. N.Y.
Daily bathing promotes health,
vigor and beauty.
If possible, spend at least two hours
each day in tho sunshine and open air.
Tho great earthquake in Lisbon,
Portugal, occurred November 1, 1755.
Most of the city was destroyed and
about forty thousand persons somo
accounts say sixty thousand lost
their lives. Tho city has never fully
recovered . from this calamity, of
which traces Btill remain. The earth
quake continued only six or eight
minutes. Tho phenomena that no,
companied. it wore very striking.
The sen first retired and laid tho bar
dry. It then rolled in, rising lif ty,
feet or more above its ordinary level.'
The new quay, called Cays do Prada,
to which an immense concourse of
people lied for safety from tho falling
ruins, suddenly sank, and not ono
body ever floated to tho surface ; and
on this spot there is now water to
the death of ono hundred fathoms.
It is a mistake to wear cotton in
lie ears at any time, as it deadens
the hearing and predisposes ono to
earache and cold.
A good appetite and complete
assimilation mean firm llosh and a
healthy akin. Digestion cannot bo
sound, however without a generous
allowance of sloop.
Be careful not to get chilled aftor
any exertion on a hot day. Cool off
gradually and not in a draft.
Sterilize the baby's milk early and
cool it rapidly by running cold water
over the bottle.
OUTDOOR LIFE
W1U Xot 0TMet the 111 Effect" "t
CoflY'e When One Cuuunt DltteMt It
A farmer says:
"It was not from liquor or tobacco
that for ten years or tnoro I suffered
from dyspepsia and stomach trouble;
they were caused by the use of coffee
until I got so bad I had to glvo up
coffee entirely and almost give up eat
ing. There were times when I could
eat only boiled milk and bread, and
when I went to the field to work I had
to tako some bread and butter along
to givo mo strength.
"I doctored with doctors and took al
most everything I could get for my
stomach in the way of medicine, but if
I got any better It only lasted a llttlo
wlille until I was almost a walking
skeleton.
"One day I read an ad. for Postum
and told my wife I would try it, and
as to tho following facts I will make
allidavlt before any judge:
"I quit coffee entirely and used
Postum In its place. I have regained
my health entirely and can eat any
thing that is cooked to eat. I have In
creased In weight until now I weigh
more than I ever did ; I have not taken
nny medicine for my stomach since I
began using Postum. Why, I believe
Postum will almost digest an Iron
wedge.
"My family would stick to coffee at
first, but they saw the effects It had
on me, and when they were fooling
bad they began to use Postum, one at
a time, until now we all uso Postum."
Namo given by Postum Co., Rattle
Creek, Mich.
Ten days' trial of Postum In place
of coffee proves tho truK an easy and
pleasant way. 'There's a reason."
Look in pkg. for a copy of tho fa
mous little book, "Tho Road to Well
vllle."
een quite generous."