OUB BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
f INGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes nnd Jokcletn that Arc Supposed
to Have Hecu Kccenllj Horti-Snyinm
mid DohijiH that Are Old, CiiHoum und
LaitchnLic The "Week's Humor.
"Yes, n p'titloiunn will always de
stroy ii lady's love letters when there
lias Ihmmi a quarrel between thein."
"Of course, .leitnette, anil so will a
lady destroy those received from a gen
tloinan. 1 hope you tore up that batch
you received from Jack."
"Indeed I did. I tore them up in the
tiniest pieces Imaginable."
"And were you very nnj;ry, dear?"
"Anjxry? Why, it took ino two whole
days to paste them together again."
No lliiuil-llold.
"She married him to reform him."
"I don't see how she Is going to do
It."
"Why not?"
"lie's perfectly bald." Houston Tost
Ho Komul It at I.rtfri.
"I hope OT.rluii Is satisfied at last."
'Why?"
"I heard him say the other day that
ho was looking for a steady job."
SriiMlllvu.
The ancient reporter was interview
lug .Mrs. Methusnleh In reference to her
husband's age.
"Suppose I put him down at 800?"
ventured the reporter.
"IMease don't," hastened, the vencr
able lady. "Say he is over nnn nt. least.
He is very sensitive about his age."
"Sensitive?"
"Yes, he is afraid people will doubt
his claim of being the 'oldest lnhab
Itant.' "
1)1(1 von iver nnlnv n irtlln)'n amir?'
O -" O ' ' 1 .
asked the beautiful young lady at the
reception.
"Don't think I did," growled the
cynical man in the green necktie.
"Is It M)ssll)le? You don't know
"what you have missed in not hearing a
college song."
"H'm! I didn't say I never heard
one; I said 1 never enjoyed one."
DIlV.T.Mlt.
"rapa. did they raise canaries from
canary seed?
"No, my son, on It." Houston Post.
Ad vleo.
SI Pcrkl ns Here's an advertisement
about "IMt falls of a Great City How to
Avoid Them."
Ilube Medders Yeh! Deacon Korn
top sent 'em "5 cents for It and
SI Perkins .Tinilny crickets! It must
be scand'lous readin.
lwiibe .Medders It was so. It jestj
satu: "iioirt leave the farm." Plilla
dolphin Press.
MnrjorloDadda, It's raining.
Dadda Well, let It rain.
MarJoriei was going to, dadda.
The Tat lor.
Wtiy of tlio "World.
He I met two of tho happiest men
last night it law erer been my lot to en
counter. Sbe-What was the trouble?
lieOne of them, had just been mar
ried and the other had Just boeu divorced.
Tin? IVrpletod I'tipii,
;S?SS32
1
TOPICSJ)FTlIE;riIES.
A CHOICE SELECTION OF INTER-
ESTING ITEMS.
Comment and CriticUm Tinned Upon
the IlnppctiltiuH of tho Dtty-HUtorl-
cnl and Newn Notcit.
Our choice between a stubborn man
and a mule leans toward the mule.
The ocean of life ! tilled with break
ers ; that is why so many of us go
broke.
Chi In recently Iwrrowed ? 1 U.fHX),000.
She must huvo leen able to present a
hot proposition.
A promoter Is a man who sells some
thing he doesn't own to somebody who
doesn't want It.
Optimism Is not dead In the world.
A Canadian is advertising for the re
turn of a lost umbrella.
James Hryep sounds a warning to
the United States to stop Immigration.
Tho present draft Is a little hard on
Murope.
After wearing medals for reticence.
II. II. l.ogers must be heartbroken at
getting pumped out like a Iwirrel of oil
In a grocery.
Suppose that John D. Rockefeller
III reaches man's estate endowed with
the business ability of his grandfather
and then do a little figuring.
Strange how Goo. Washington over
looked the chance to say: "Yes, father,
I did it witli my little hatchet, but my
saying so entitles me to Immunity."
Secretary Taft Is Inclined to believe
that army lieutenants should not
marry. The girls will now decide that
the rank of captain should lie tho low
est In our army.
A writer In a Washington paper says
that sleeping late on Sunday niornlng
is injurious. C( ria'nly. Any Irregu
iarity may 1k said to he Injurious A
person should sleep late every morn
ing. A Philadelphia man attempted to
commit suicide because ho had been
summoned for Jury duty. Let us horo
the time may conic when a man may
servo on a Jury and still l'aco his
''riends without feeling that they re
gard him as ono who has disgraced
uimself.
Of course ono should bo pollto and
considerate even toward those who arc
In the grasp of tho law, but Eastern
courtesy soems to go to unusual lengths
In Hawaii. A Hilo newspaper recent
ly announced that some men who had
been arrested failed to appear In court,
and that the deputy sheriff explained
that he bad Invited them to come, but
they refused to go with bltn.
"There are more than llfty kinds of
headache," said a physician, "and suf
ferers from the more common forms
may cure themselves by locating the
?auso and treating themselves accord
ingly. The more frequent forms aro a
lull pain across the forehead, due to
dyspepsia ; a pain In tlte back of the
head due to tho liver; a bursting pain
In both temples duo to malnutrition ;
in ache on the top of the head, as
though a weight pressed on the skull,
Juo to overwork; an ache between the
nrows Just nbovo the base of tho nose
:lue to eye strain.'
Nothing can contribute more to the
advancement of agriculture than tho
eradication of the old, stupid notion
that farming Is mere physical drudgery
and to be despised and the Inculcation
of the truth that fanning is a selentiih
pursuit entitled to as much respect
ami consideration as any other occupa
tion when there is devoted to it tho
amount of scientific knowledge and In
telligent Judgment and discrimination
to which the business is entitled. To
the extent that tho farmer boy and
farmer girl learn to look with pride
upon tills occupation In that degrco Is
the business of farming benefited and
success assured.
The progress of Japan carries with
It a lesson which the other powers of
the world will do well to learn. With
out the believed advantages of western
civilization, tho land of tho Mikado
has made her way silently, without
pomp and announcement, in tho family
f nations. Hardly over three decades
ago Japan laid aside her samurl her
traditions of tho past--and began her
lesson as a pupil of tlio western na
tions, retaining, however, the diplo
macy and strategy of the orient, until
now she presents perhaps the strong-
st sight of tlio composite picture of
development and physical and Intellec
tual power. Now, after her success In
her struggle with Russia, sho has al
ready aroused a feeling of fear and
suspicion among the other powers.
The modoru navies of this counts
Great Britain and Japan aro alike ut
least In onu res tet that the accident
Of peaco have coat them rather more
In men ami ships than tho Incidents
ot war. Tho loss with nearly GOO men
of Admiral Togo's flagship, the power
ful battleship Mlkasa, that boro tlio
brunt of the fighting In tho Into war,
was one of tho most appalling calami'
ties that has overtaken any navy In
time of peace. In destruction of life
it ranked with tho loss of tho P.rltlsli
turret strip Captain In tho Hay of
Risen j in tho early days of tho Iron
clad and tlio sinking of the Victoria bj
the Campcrdown a few years ago. Tho
United States navy has In Its annali
jot' peace the blowing up of the Maine
and the loss of two ships of Admiral
Franklin's squadron In tho Samoau
hurricane of tho late S0's. Each of tho
disasters enumerated cost the nation
concerned more lives than any naval
battle It has engaged In since .steam
supplanted sails.
With reference to the present popu
lar tendency to see graft every whore
In other people's business and to de
nounce It publicly In other jieople's
politics one fact forces Itself upon tho
attention. This fact Is that tho most
conspicuous lapses from sound moral
standards have been among men who
were vociferous In their pretensions to
honest business and honest politics and
were conspicuous In denouncing other
people's lapses. To name specific In
stances would be unnecessary. They
will readily occur to all who think
back. Nor is tho moral of the taio
so obscuro that ho who runs may not
read it. If all the men who huvo been
frequent In sitting on good government
platforms and Incessant In denouncing
graft In Now York or Pennsylvania or
Colorado, or In other peoplo's affairs,
had kept their own hands unsolled, had
kept their own faces clean, wo should
not have spread before us such a dls
graceful record as that shown at Al
bany. Wo aro not worse than other
people. Much that we hero resent as
"graft" or "rakeofl" Is regarded In Kir
ropeau communities as mere "coniniis
sions" or "business." Rut we mijlit bo
better, far better, than wo are. How
ever, thero is only ono way for us to
become bettor. That Is for very Jack
man of us to remember to swoop first
before his own door, and liel'oro point
lug the finger of scorn at a stranger
a thousand miles off to be suro that
lie Is keeping his own face clean.
.Mr. James nryce, in a recent address,
liolnted otit that soino of tho so-called
pure racial strains In Caucasian conn
tries and thoir colonies aro disappear
ing In Intermixtures, tho components of
which nre Increasingly dlfllcult to trace
rno truth 1s that purity of race is
largely a matter of definition, depend
ing on what la meant by a fundamen
tally original strain. Most of the dom
lnant nntions of the world are of mixed
blond. Tho Rrlton Is Germanic, Sean
dinavlan, Norman, Celtic. The French
man Is Celtic, Scandinavian, Germanic.
A learned anthropologist has declared
that thero is probably more Gallb
blood in Germany than In France
America is a confused amalgam of
colonial progenitors from three con
turles of Immigration. TJie bearing of
this Is not confined to tlio regions of
ethnology and anthropology, but
touches our deepest habits of thought
and feeling. The world Is divided Inio
little provinces, full of local prejud' -c,
and far from the spirit of universal
brotherhood which the Savior taught,
and which ought to bo felt at least be
tween nations professing belief lu His
teachings. Many wars and a continual
international friction which restrains
trade and the exchange of thought aro
caused by race prejudices. It is prob
ably asking too much to bid us look
to. the Fast and the South and behold
our brothers in men whoso features
are so unlike our normal types of face.
Rut tho Occidental nations might at
least learn the first lesson of ethnology,
and outreason tlielr prejudice agalint
their own cousins. The actual cousin
ship of royal houses lu Kurope has
done much to keep tlio peace. A sense
of national couslnship founded on tho
facts of history might do more to keep
tho peaco, by making tlio American feel
that he has no qiiarrel with French,
English, Irish, Herman, for ho Is all
those, and by making "even tho iesi"
complex racial blends of Kurope feel
tho kinship which Is true In placo of
the alienation which Is false.
Tho Walk Ciu-i-.
"Fin out of health," said the man, de
jectedly. For an answer tho doctor waved his
hand toward tin door of his inner of
fice, whereon were painted these words:
"Walk In."
So tho man walked and walked, earlv
and late, and. sure enough, found him
ejr, at hist, In health once more.
This fable teaches that proscriptions
aro not alwa.v the worse for holm;
misunderstood. Puck.
it ;( Him.
A hrlff sermon on "Jonah" was that
of ono of tho colored brethren of "be
fore tho war," who said:
It don't matter what sort of u fish
It was dat awallowed Jonah. Do fact
remains It sho' got him !" Atlantu
Constitution,
TORTURED WITH ECZEMA.
Tremendous ItchlngOvorWholoBody
Scratchod Until Ulod Won-
dorful Curo by Gutloura.
"Last year 1 suffered with a tremen
dous Itching on my back, which grew
worse and worse, until it spread over
the whole body, and only my face and
hands were free. For four mouths or
so 1 suffered torments, and 1 had to
scratch, scratch, scratch, until. I bled.
At night when 1 went to bed things
got worse, and 1 bad at times to get
up and scratch my body all over, until
I was as sore as could be, and until
1 suffered excruciating pains. They
told mo that I was suffering from
eczema. Then I made up my mind
that i would use tho Cutlcura Reme
dies. I used them according to In
structions, and very soon Indeed I was
greatly relieved. I continued until
well, and now 1 am ready to recom
mend the Cutlcura Remedies to any
one. Mrs. Mary Metzger, Sweetwater,
Okla., June US, Jl)or."
During tlio, college year 1001-05 tho
not receipts from students, fees at
tho university or Michigan were
$22t,JSr.07. This amount included
not only matriculation and depart
mental foes, and tho charges for the
summer session, but also tho fees
chirked for laboratory and demon
stration courses, thesis printing,
gy.nnasium lookers, and diplomas.
Those funds paid not quite one-third
of the expenses of tho university for
that year, which aniounted to $755),
057.05. Tho balance was received
from tlio state, from miscellaneous
earnings, and from interest on the
university fund in the state treasury.
IN CONSTANT AGONY.
A Vn( Virgin I mi' Awful I)lxroB
ThroiiAli Klilnry Tronltlon.
W. h. Jackson, merchant, of Park
ersburg, W. Va., says: "Driving about
In bad weather
brought kidney trou
bles on me, and I
suffered twenty years
with sharp, cramping
pains lu the back and
urinary disorders. I
often bad to get up a
dozen times at night
to urinate. Retention
set lu, and I was
obliged to use the ca
theter. 1 took to mv
bed, and the doctors falling to help, be
gan using Doan's Kidney Pills. The
urine soon came freely again, und the
pain gradually disappeared. 1 have
been cured eight years, and though
over 70, nm as active as a !oy."
Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box.
Fostcr-Mllburn Co., Ruffalo, N. Y.
PoMltlveljr cured by
tlteso Little Pills.
Tiley also FoIIoto Dl
trc33 from Dyupcpsla, In
dlpcEtton and Too Hoart7
Kattn;. A perfoct rem
edy for Dizziness, Nausea,
nrowslners. Dad TasU
In tho Mouth, Coated
Tonfpio, Pain In tho Bids,
TOftPID LIVKlt. TUcnr
rojfulate tho BoweUj. rarer Vegetable.
SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE, '
Gfinuino Must Bear
Fac-Similo Signature
REFUSE SUBSTITUTES.
Carrots and apples arc particularly
wholosonio for "gouty" persona.
MOTHER GRAY'S
SWEET POWDERS
FOR CHILDREN,
A Uortain (Jura for lvorlaluiran.
OinNtlpntlou, II 01. itnrho.
Irs
NIOIUIU
It I
1 run iii .if, irmuillK
lorn, aud PcMroy
Alotfier Gray.
Hornio. TlurBrnuU
In St hnnrt i.t nil n.nu.
tor
utj nrniik up C tililc
ran'a Horn., Sainpla mad Kit KB! Xd.trin,
New York Olt. Am S. OLMSTED, La Roy. ti Y.
ciuriuin umid
Al ail iuuflili, afiCU.
Tho really necessary articles in a
manicure not aro cuticle scisHors,
orange wood stick, s lino lilo and a
bulTor
Avoid foods lliat disagree with you
if you value your complexion.
Mrs. WlnMowN SOOTHINO SVUtTp ford'il
(Ircn leetlilntf. softens the kiiiiis. reUuces Inflit
mavlon. ullays iuln,ourr. folto. I'rioe '-'jo bottle
A raw cucumber sliced and rubbed
on the skin will whiten it.
A Certain Cura for Tired, Hot, Achlnn Fool.
. .
Sale Ten Million
CARTER'S
CARTERS
ISijllTTLE
m IVER
m PILLa-
JC v
THE FAMILY'S FAVORITE MEDICINE
lOc;
35c, 50c
imi;iimiijji ii .iyiai'
BEST FOR THE BOWELS
A Skin of Deauty Is a Joy Forawr
DR. T. Felix Oournud's Oriental
Cream or Magloal BeautlfKlrV
PemnTM
rAtklm.
Tib. PltipUc
lUili. and Skin
, oib rt
UlttUML
hi
on b,uty, uid 4
pet dilution, II
tiM tleod lh tut
of 67 jtun, tod
I m hinnlH, wt
Uitlt tobeiUMll
I, property mtdt.
Accp(nocoal,r-
felt of tlnlUf
n&tne. Dr. h. A,
Srr old to
My of tk haut-
ton (ft iMlDt)t
"A, jrou 1411
will u thtn,
Mlourittiil'ft Crmm m tbo trt harmful f U tko
lk N .MM..I i... tl Ln . I . t. .11 .1 ... I ... - ... T-
rrfnirniloni" For Mil far ill ilmulrti and Faaef
da Pfaleia In Uio United HUttt, Canxta and Kurop.
Qoo!
im v j , m u vxatj aiu aviiu JbUJ Vr
KRD.T, HOPKINS, Prop., 37 Oreil Jcnsi Street. NtwTort
MAKES BEAUTY
A ......... it.. 1.1l . i II
cino bus over bud so strutter n. ftil-
lowiiiK1, because, excepting puro
Jr nir and exercise, It is tho source of
more Dcmuuui complexions man
any other agency, ns
Lame's Family
Medicine
tho tonic-laxativo. It puts puro
blood in tho veins, and no woman
can bo horr.e'.y when tho rirh, red
blood of health courses in Iter veins.
Sold by nil dealers at 25c. and 50c.
You Cannot
CURE
all inflamed, ulcerated and catarrhal con
ditions of the mucous membrane such as
nasal catarrh, uterine catarrh caused
by feminine Ills, sore throat, soro
mouth or inflamed eyes by simply
dosing the stomach.
But you surely can cure these stubborn
affections by local treatment with v
Paxtine Toilet Antiseptic
which destroys the disease germs,checks
discharges, stops pain, and heals tho
inflammation and soreness.
Paxtine represents the most successful
local treatment for femlniuo Ills ever
produced. Thousands of women testify
to this fact. 50 cents at druggists.
Send for Free Trial Box
TUB K. PAXTON CO.. Boston, M.
L; Douglas,
3-i?&$3-:2SHOESffi
V. L. Douglas $4.00 Cllt Edgo Lino
cannot bo equalled at nny prlco.
IV. L. DOUGLAS MAKES & SELLS MORS
MEN'S SIt.BU SHOES THAN ANY OTHER
MANUFACTURER IN THE WOflLO.
1 t1 fl finn REWARD to inyonc who can f
- OIUjUUU disprove thlt statement.
HI could take you Into mv three Inrjje fuctnrlci
at Hrocktim, Miihb., und show you the Inllnlti
enre with which every ptilrof tliucd la made, you
wuuht rciili.n why w. L. l)oii"lns M 50 ho
coit inure to itt.nke. why ttiey hold their Iihdm
fit better, wear longer, und are ol greatc!
Intrinsic vnlue than uny nttinr ?5.S0 .shoe.
W. L. Douglas Strong Mntlo Slioca for
Man, $2. BO, $2.00. Baym' School 4
Drona Shoos, $S.OO. $S,S1.7B, $1.B6
CAUTION. Itwlut iiion hftvlnu W.Ii.Ioii
Ini ulioeit. Titfta 110 mihstltutx, X0110 Ktiuilnt
without his niune anil prlc ntninprd on hottotn..
Fuit Color Euclets used ; then win not wear brattyl
Wrlto for lllustrtl rntnlo.
W. T,. DOI'OI.AS, ItrocJtton, HM
mtff niSOOVKKTi quick
lllt 4 fan, tfurtt n. Kiu U
u.tlrmiml.ti ul 10 Itnr' W.l-iiA
Fruu. !r.ll.U.4UlKKJ,ON. Uox U.AtULlu.U
A rubber sponge or brush is oxcol
lent for cleaning tlio skin.
2to5 LANDS
1.00(1000 nores Holiest farm land. Colorado.
Kansas ami NohrasUa. Will mow anything.
(Jot t hoinostoads locati'd I'rlntod lists
showini: t:xai)i locations and prices, also inapj
pictures etc. KHKiC
STKKI.INti l.NVK.S'r.nil.NT CO,
O0 I'ront .St. .StorMtjc t'oli,
N N. U. 030 YORK", IS'EBR
This (fgnntcro
For
FREE
XuU&i!X uAifiL Atun. Alien
. S. Olmsted.
on every bos.
Roy, N Y.
Boxes a Year.
An
Draeclfta
m a
'yJlift ,
sj
IKV-jrj I I CAPITAt? 2.50q000j
