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About The Nebraska advertiser. (Nemaha City, Neb.) 18??-1909 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 9, 1906)
W. VV. 5AND'RS, Publisher Nemnha,- Nebraska Proportionately Hediiecd. Irate Passenger Conductor, we're fonrfully squeezed up hero with llireo in a went. Railroad Conductor What can yon expect? You're riding on cut rato fndc.ljctroll Free Press. Crumped. "You're living In a Hat now, I hear. How do you like It?" "Well- thcro'K no room to kick." Philadelphia I'rcHH. Avoldlhtf (In; ,Hlorm. Mrs. Iloylc Does your husband ever swear? Mrs. Iloylc I have never heard him. but I ulwayn go out of the room wheo tic Ih Hhavlng himself. Judge. At I'rewont Prlee. "You take your roust beef rare, do you not?" naked the host. "Not rare," miHwered the man who Is Impoverished hut grammatical, "rarely." Washington Star. TIip DcIiuIiiii tr. "The men don't seem to he much Interested In that society bud." "No she's bloomed Into a wall Mow er already." Cleveland Leader. Ilreuklnu' II ;entl'. Foreman (at the door) Did ycr bus band hov n new stilt- av elo'os on thla mor-rnln', Mrs. O'Mnllcy? Mrs. O'Malley He did. Foreman They're roolned entirely, Mrs. O'Malley How did lit happen! Foreman He was blowod up be a charge nv dinnymlte. Cleveland Leader. An I in p en ill n Trnijedy. Rug Lover For the last time, dear est one, I ask you to bo mine. Re fuse and I perish in the depths of this deep, black pool. IIIh Pony. Professor (severely) Isn't that a free translation of yours, Mr. Crib ber?" Student (absently) No, sir; It cost me fit) cents." Cleveland Leader. Vive .leniite! Alice Genevieve's young man in Chelsea sent her a lovely locket for a birthday present. Maude Did be? Alice Yes. Marked with the initial M.T." Sotncrvllle Journal. Clone I"IkiiiIiik'. "Doctor," said the shrewd looking man, "bow many feet of gas does It take to kill a man?" 'ghat's a queer question," replied the doctor. "Why do you wish to know?" "One of the guests at my hotel used enough of It to kill himself, and I want to send in a proper bill to his ex editors." Philadelphia Press. When II IUnwn. "Why Is the young lady so fright ened?" asked the dentist, as ho eaino rrom behind a Hereon brandishing his instruments of torture. "She is afraid you will pull her Heart out," explained the motherly old lady In gold-rluimetl spectacles. "Nonsense! I am after her teeth. Her heart Is not in her mouth." "Oh. yes; every woman's heart Is In ber mouth when she stts in a dentist's :halr." I2Ulll)lcil. "Jennings Is making all the other autoists turn green with envy." "How so? lias he bought a costlier machine?" "No, but ho has some new equip ment features." "What are 'they?" "A claim agent and a trial lawyer." Nashvllio American. Pure SI ii IV. "Ih this pure milk? said the luqulsl tive lady customer. "Yes," replied tne nuuciiiiin, "we sell the cream separately." Detroit Free Press. IHimnpotnlfri. Mr. Bacon I wish you would wx rnilue my clothes, dear, and see if here Is anything needed. Mrs. uacon i uiu examine mom last night while you were asleep. They peem to need money in the pockets; that's nil I noticed. i l-'roin Ilie CIiinnIcuI Huh. Fanner Ryetop So some of them Bost6n gals were down hero fox hunt ing. How did you like them? Fanner Pumkin Gosh, I couldn't understand them. Instead of asking Uow far It was to the old meadow tup they asked how fur it was to the ueudow yawn. A ninn may be a cynic, but the man who delights in saying cynical things is not a cynic. He is a con ceited ass. Ilolilicd In Church. Just think what an outrage It In ta be robbed of all the benefits of the services by continuous coughing throughout the congregation, when Anti-Grlplne Is guaranteed to cure. Hold everywhere, iifi cents. F. W. Die mer, M. D., Manufacturer, Spring Held. Mo. A few reminder of what to do foi winter comfort are very timely. Wear over-dimes instead of rubbers to keep the feet warm. If circula tion is poor a light, loosely knitted woolen shawl will be found useful il put around the shoulders before re tiring. Do not run out of doors foi any purpjse whatever without some thing thrown about the head and uhouldors. . - Anyhow, it is real generous of the first young lady of the land to agree to share her popularity and prestige witli a forlorn old bachelor. The first locomotive used in tin's country was built in England by George Stephenson and was purchased for the Delaware and Hudson rail road, in 1828 or 1820 the accounts diHer as to the year. Tt was' named the "Stourbridge Lion." The first American locomotive wus built and placed on a road running out of Charleston, S. C. in the summer of 1830. It was named the "Heat Friend," and built by the Kemblea, from plans by Mr. 13. L. Miller. Scientists believe that the Falls ol Niagara were at one time pre cipitated into an ocean. Sir Charles Lye 11 the celebrated geologist, lias computed that a period of at least 30,000 to 35,000 years iiave lapsed while the falls have been cutting their way through seven miles of rock : their present position, and the retrograde movement is still going on, slowly, ' but surely every day. One of the latest fads of the smart set in London. England, is, the wear ing of the portrait of one's fiance on the thumb nail. The photographs are made upon a toughened gelatii: film and are fastened to the nail by the use of bichromated gelatin which becomes insoluble upon exposure to the light. The film is fairly durable and lasts for a wecis or ten days, when it is soaked off with alcohol and a new film is adjusted. The first experiments were made with pictures printed directly upon the nail, which had been treated with nitrate ol silver, but the picture was toa permanent, and as the nail grow out the necessary trimmings resulted in the gradual elimination of the subject a most uuromautic ending to a pretty conceit. Now the idea has been ho perfected by a fashion able photographer that the print ii applied within iifteen minutes. OVER SEA HABIT. DlfTerciiei on Thl Side the Water 'IMm unt'dlulnnt- nffnif immi llln liill-fr f caffeine in coffee cannot but result tu the gravest conditions, in time. Each attack of the drug (and that means each cup of coffee) weakens the organ a little more, and the end is al most a mutter of mathematical demon stration. A lady writes from a West era State: "I am of German descent, and it was natural that I should learn at a very early age to drink coffee. Until I was 23 years old I drank scarcely anything else at my meals. "A few years ago 1 began to be af fected" by u stendlly Increasing ner vousness, which eventually developed Into u distressing heurt trouble that made me very weak and miserable. Then, somo threo years Hgo, was add ed asthma In Its worst form. My suf ferings from these things can be bet ter imagined than described. "During all this time my husband realized more fully than I did that cof fee was Injurious to me, and made every effort to make me stop. "FliiHlly It was decided a few months ago, to quit the use of coffee absolutely, and to ndopt Postum Food Coffee us our hot table drink. I had but little idea that. It would help me, but consented to try It to plenso my husband. I prepured it very carefully, exactly according to directions, and was delighted with its delicious Mavor and refreshing qunlitles. "Just as soon us the poison from the coffee had time to get out of my Bystem tho nutritive properties of tho Postum began to build me up, and am now fully recovered from all my nervousness, heart trouble and asthma I gladly acknowledge that uow, for the first time in years, I enjoy perfect health, and that 1 owe it all to Post urn." Namo given by Postum Co.. Bat tie Creek, Mich. There's a reuson. Read the HttU book, "The Road to Wellvllle" In pkjis. Postum Food Coffee contains no of auy descrioii0u whatsoever. Wlmt Dili Mho MeunT Hostess (to newly arrived guest) I'm so glad, dear, you were able to come; but I hope we're going to havo u little better weather, or I'm afraid rou won't enjoy yourselves very much, Miss Treymalne Oh, Mrs. Parting ton, you musn't think wo enme to en joy ourselves, really! We came to sec you, of course; didn't we, Archie? Chicago Journal. Stnndlnt; Komii Only. The Lawyer So your wife has sued you for n divorce, eh? Will slie havo any standing in court? The Client I'm afraid so. From the nature of the evidence she threatens to bring in there won't be half enough 3eats to accomomdate the crowd. Chi sago News. MlftluUcn. "Great Britain is going to send ovei commission to investigate our as." urns." "How stupid those Britons are! Tliej think all our Idiots are in asylums." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Vii'h Wild (J tie.-.. "Say, pa, this paper says that a Bos- on minister vants to have District At torney Jerome canonized. What does mt mean, pa?" "Canonized? It means Mown from cannon, my boy." Cleveland Plain Dealer. Wlmt She Wanted. Manager (intelligence otllce) What 1 1 id of a cook do you want, madam white or colored? Landlady (boarding house) White. Manager Do you want a plain cook or otherwise. Landlady Plain. Some of my gen- lemeo boarders would doubtless pre fer one that was otherwise, but I want a plain one, and the plainer the bet ter. See I Si-ore I (int. "Why is it," queried the fox. "that on alwiis look so lean and hungry?" "Tradition is responsible for it," an swered the wolf. "It requires me to mug around the poet's door all tho (line." Sorrow of II, "Now that you have tried my voice, professor," s,nld the ambitious female, 'tell me frankly what it Is best adapt ed to." "Whispering," answered the emi nent musician, without a moment's hesitation. A Good, I-'nlr WnrnliiK:. Mr. Jackson I understand that that young man who comes to see you so often Is anxious to become an actor? Ills Daughter Yes, sir. lie wants to appear before the footlights. Mr. Jackson Well, he'd better disap pear before the foot lights. .Natural Dediietlon. Mlfklus My oldest boy has acquired tho sleep-walking habit. Rifkins Training himself for a po sition on the police force, eh? Contradictory lOvlilenee. " P.lox D,oes Do A liber paint for a llvi Ing? Knox Judging by his pictures, he evidently doesn't. Xo CotiiK- llclilnd That. Bridget (after taking up the caller'i card) She ain't at home, ma'am. Caller Really? Are you sude? Bridget Falx, Ol am not, but she seems to be. Philadelphia Press. (ioml HiioiikIi. Jaygreen I'd like to get a better Job for my son. Kaybrown What's the doing nowl Jaygreen He's working for a coa! dealer. Kaybrown That's good enough, He's sure to make his weigh In tho world. , StroiinoiiH Tent. Gyor There goes a man I would trust with my life. Myer Then you have tested his hon esty? Oyer Yes. 1 once loaned him a silk umbrella and ho returned it the next day. Hotter Still, Village Grocer Has your son suc ceeded in making a nam for himself as an artist since ho went to tho city! Farmer Hayrlx Gosh, no! but 1 'low he's made somethln' a heap sigh! better. Village Grocer How's that? Farmer Hayrlx He's made a good llvlu' by paintlu' box cars, by grausl When sitting at rest we draw into the lungs about -ISO cubic inches of air in u minute. If wo. take n sauntering wulk, we increase the quantity to about 810 cubic inches? but if we walk quickly, we increase it to considerably over 2,000 cubic inches in a minute. Atrenls Wunted-Hustlcrs. either sex. Profit able, permanent work. - Jco weekly easily earned. Needed in every house. Address. Alberta S. New num. l Poindexter St., .Juolt on, ?,tlxs, Knelo.se ntuinp. In passing a pen, pencil, knife ar pointer, hand the blunt end toward the one who receives it. The college girl talks about her life work until somo man marrie her. Then she forgets it. Whispering, laughing, chewing gum or eating at lectures, in school, or places of amusement, is rude and vulgar. There is only one road to Right, and that is Right. There is only one road to Truth and that is Truth. There is only one word to (Jood 'and that is Uoodness. Brushing the hair once a day is essential if the rule of cleanliness is to be observed. Brusli the hair after all tangles have been removed, steadily from the roots down to the very ends. By all means have the brush perfectly clean. Many men are sour nil day because when they arise in the morning they look at theinselvses in one of those green, bilious, facc-dishorting bar gain mirrors. If they would get a better mirror their dispositions would grow better. Men who are really great are not jorn so. Jn every case they have jeooinc great through their own efforts. An exchange says that if the woman who throws a shawl over her head to run into a neighbor's had time to passu looking glass her reason for going would be scared out of her ltsnd and she would remain at home. 31 Boxes of Gold 300 Boxes of Greenbacks "For the most up from these ...V.. O - Grape - Nuts 331 people will earn these prizes Around the fireside or about the well-lighted family reading table dur ing the winter evenings the children and grown-ups can play with their wits and see how many words can bo made. '20 people making the greatest num ber of words will each receive a little box containing a $10 gold piece. 10 people will each win one box con taining ii $o gold piece. 300 people will each win a box con taining $1 in paper money and one person who makes the highest number of words over all contestants will re ceive a box containing $100 In gold. It Is really a most fascinating bit of fun to take up the list evening after evening and see how many words can be added. A few rules are necessary for abso lute fair play. Any word authorized by Webster's dictionary will be counted, but no name of person. Both the singular and plural can he used, as for instance "grapo" and "grapes." The letters in "Y-I-O-Grape-Nuts" may be repeated in the same word. Geographical names authorized by Webster will be counted. Arrange the words In alphabetical classes, all those beginning with A to gether and those beginning with E to come under 10, etc. When you are writing down the words leave some spaces, In the A, K, and other columns to All in later as new words come to you, for they will spring Into mind every evening. It Is almost certain that some con testants will tie with others. In such cases a prize Identical In value and character with that offered In that class shall be awarded to each. Each one will be requested to send with the list of words a plainly written letter describing the advantages of Grape Nuts, but the contestant Is not re quired to purchase a pkg. These let ters are not to contain poetry, or fan cy flourishes, but simple, truthful statements of fact. For Illustration: A person may have experienced some Incipient or chronic alls traceable to unwise selection of food that failed to give the body' and brain the energy, health and power desired. Booking bet ter conditions n change in food is made nnd Grape-Nuts and cream used In place of the former diet. Suppose one quits tho meat, fried potatoes, starchy, Bticky messes of half-cookod oats or wheat and cuts out the coffee. Try, lay, for breakfast a bit of fruit, a dish Df Grape-Nuts and cream, two soft boiled eggs, a slice of hard toast and a cup of Postum Food Coffee. Some amateur says: "A man would faint away on that," bnt, my dear frlond, we will put dollarj to your pennies A barrel of pork weighs 200 pounds.' To prolong life one should tnko plenty of sleep nnd remember to sleep lying on the right-side, indulge in a morning bath in tepid wnter, take daily exercise in the open air, keep the window of the Bleeping room open nil night, take frequent and short holidays, not be over ambitious, and hold one's temper. t In the moonlight that Hooded tho university campus at Princeton1 recently there coquetted a person in a black skirt, an ill fitting waist, and a tilted bonnet, who displayed willingness to flirt witli whatever might be inclined. The moonlight parader gallivanted for three hours without a single flirtation. Then il sought the home of a well-known professor. There the skirt wai released, ofT came waist and bonnet, and tiie professor stood revealed, lie had volunteered to turn detective in an effort to avert a threatened strike of maid servants in the homes of Princeton professors. The maids aro on the point of deserting because of annoyances to which they have been subjected by a mysterious man, who had lain in wait to kiss or hug maids returning home late at night. Women of sedentary occupationi are allowing their muscles to become soft through lack of physical exercise. A good exercise for strengthening of the muscles is as follows: Stand erect, heels together, toes out, chest thrown out; with arms extended touch the toes with the tips of the fingers, bending 'the body only jusl below the waist line. Continue the movement with hands extended ovei the head ; then throw the body bach as far as possible and sway frdm one side to the other. Exercise in thh way for ten minutes then exercisa each leg for five minutes by throwing the foot out in front at the side and bllck- 1,113 exercise, if persevered in regularly, makes the body supple and the motions graceful. words made letters that the noon hour will find a man on our breakfast huskier and with a. stronger heart-beat and clearer work ing brain than he ever had on the old diet. Suppose, if you have never really made i move for absolutely clean health that pushes you along each day with a spring in your step and a re serve vigor in muscle and brain thai makes the doing of things a pleasure, you Join the army of "plain old com mon sense' and start In now. Then after you have been 2 or 3 weeks on the Grape-Nuts training you write a statement of how you used to be and how you are now. The simple facta will Interest others and surprise your self. Wo never publish names except on permission, but we often tell tho facts In the newspapers and when re quested give the names by private let ter. There Is plenty of time to get per sonal experience with Grape-Nuts and write a sensible, truthful letter to bo sent In with the list of words, as tho contest does not close until April 30, lDOlt. So start In as soon as you liko to building words, nnd start In using Grape-Nuts. Cut this statement out and keep the letters Y-I-O-Grape-Nuts before you and when you write your letter you will have some reason to write on the subject, "Why I Owe Grape-Nuts." Remember 331 persons will win, prizes, which will be nwarded in an exact and Just manner as booh as tho list can be counted after April 30, 1000. Every contestant will be sent a printed list of names and addresses of winners on application, In order to have proof that the prizes are sent as agreed. The company is well known nil over the world for absolute fidelity to Its agreements and every single one of the 331 winners mny depend on re-eel-, lug the prize won. Many persons might feel It useless to contest, but when one remembers the great number of prizes (331) tho curiosity of seeing how many words can really be made up evculng after evening and tho good, natural fun and education In the competition, it seems worth the trial; there is no cost, noth ing to lose and a fine opportunity to win one of the many boxes of gold or greenbacks. Wo make the prediction that somo who win a prize of gold or greenbacks will also win back health and strength worth more to them than a wagon full of money prizes. There are no preliminaries, cut out this statement and go at it, and send! in the list and letter before April 30, 1000, to Postum Cereal Co., Ltd., Bat tle Creek, Mich., and let your naina and address be phiiuly written.