HDMOfi OF THE WEEK
iiiisis
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
I
Odd, Curious and Laughable Plinncn of
Human Nature Graphically Portray
cd by Kuihicnt Word ArtlstH of Our
Own Day A Umlaut or Fun.
'tycrVa E. Pinkham's
Vegetable Compound
.b a positive euro for all those painful
ililinonts of women. It will entirely
turo the worst forms of Female Com
'plninta. Inflammation and Ulceration,
'railing and Displacements and consc
juont Spinal Weakness, and is peeuli
rl3't adapted to the Change of Life.
tit will surely cure.
Backache
It has cured more eases of Fcmnlo
'Weakness than any other remedy the
vorld has ever known. It is almost in
fallible in such cases. It dissolves and
ixpels Tumors in an early stage of
'.levelopmcnt. That
Bearing-down Feeling,
'iauBinjr pain, weight and headache, is
.Instantly relieved and permanently
cured by its use. Under all cireum-1
ttances it acts iu harmony with the
'female system. It corrects
irregularity,
'Suppressed or Painful Periods, Weak
cess of the. Stomach, Indigestion, Bloat
ing, xserrouH Prostration, Headache,
General Debility. Also
Dizziness, Faintness,
Cxtreme Lassitude, 'don't-care" and
' want-to-be-left-alone " feelincr, excit
ability, irritability, nervousness, sleep
lessness, flatulency, melancholy or the
" blues, and backache. These are
ture indications of Female Weakness,
tome derangement of the organs. For
Kidney Gomnlaints
nnd Uaekache of either acx the Vegeta
ble Compound is unequalled.
You can write Mrs. Pinkham about
yourself in strictest confidence.
LTDU E. riNKIUM MED. CO., Lynn, Mass.
Merchant Did you sco Sloboy
about that bill again?
Collector Yes, sir.
Merchant And 1 suppose he put
you oil' us usual, oh?
I'olh'otor No, sir. Ho kicked ni
out th's time. Chicago Xows.
I'.-vpciMniil.
"That man Just In hero had n pe
culiarly scared anil anxious look." said
the Now Yorker. "Who Is he?"
"A life Insurance man," said the
photographer; "they all have the same
expression these days." Detroit Free
Press.
A
Handwork grows more popular all
the while, one of the most attractive
uses of it being embroidery upon
these dresses, done in the color, of
the foundations upon which it ia
ivorkcd. It is a rich little touch for
which you pay dearly unless your
vn skill with the needle comes to
four aid.
nobbed la Cburch.
$ ) Just think what an outrage It la to
be robbed of all the benctits of the
services by continuous coughing
throughout the congregation, wlwn
Antl-Grlplne is guaranteed to cure.
Bold everywhere. 25 cents. F. W. Die
mer. M. D., Manufacturer, Spring
Held, Mo.
Rev. John L. Scudder, a Jersey
Oity pastor, has opened a school
where girls will be taught how to use
revolvers and bring down burglars
who visit their homes in the night.
How's This?
We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for
Any cse of Ca turrit than cannot be cured
ty Unit's Cntnrrh Cure.
P. J. CHUNKY Jk CO., Toledo, 0.
We, the undersigned, hnre known P. J.
Cheney for tho last 15 years, and believe
w hlra jierfctly honorable In all business
trannactlou and nnnnolally able to curry
out any ohltrn t Ions made by his tlnn.
WAbDINtJ. K1NNAN A MARVIN,
v Whulesnle Druggists, Toledo, O.
Han's Catarrh Cure U taken Internally.
etlng dlre'tly upon the blood and mucous
ourfaccs or tuo system. xesiiiuoniaiM oem
free. Trice "If per bottle. Sold by all
JJrupslsts.
Tate Hall's Family Tills for constipation.
Never attempt to do any tiling that
is not right. Just as sure as you d
you will get into trouble. If yot
even suspect that anything is wrong
do not do it till you are sure youi
suspicions are groundless.
Bishop Simpson thus wrote to hi'
wife: "He careful of your health
be cheerful. Look aloft. The stan
display their beauty to us only whet
we look at them. He resolved to bi
happy today to bo joyful now an
out of every fleeting moment drav
nil possible pure and lasting pleas,
ure. "
DOES YOUR BACK ACHE?
Corn
1'uln
tin' KtilmvvN and the
Will Xrvr Relnru.
Only one sure way to cure an aching
back. Cure the cause, tne kidneys,
Thousands tell ol
euros mtde by
Dean's Kidney Pills
John C. Coleman, ti
prominent merchant
of Swalnsboro, Ga.(
says: "For several
years my kidneys
were affected, and
my back ached day
and night, i was
languid, nervous ami
lame In the morning. Down's Kidney
Pills helped me right away, and tha
great relief that followed has been per
inunent."
Sold by all dealers. BO cents a box.
Foster-Mllburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Clone Hcnembluiicc.
"The sweet little darling. He has
ryl's like his mother's." Journal
Amusant.
Cause and KfTocl.
"Wore you ever a victim of stage
fright V" asked the new reporter.
"Many a time, my boy," answered
the veteran barn-storming tragedian
"I have an attack of It every time the
ghost falls to perambulate." Colum
biM Dispatch.
' Where Ho l-'ell Down.
"Yes," said the veteran of '01, "Col
o::f! Hlank was the coolest man In
battle 1 ever say, but one day he losl
his head."
"How was that?" queried the man
who was posing as the audience.
"A cannon ball struck him in the
neck," explained the veteran.
Since Shu Left.
A city lady wrote to a farmer living
In the country, where she spent vuou'
tlon with her family last summer, and
told him she would like to come again,
but she objected to the kitchen moth
ods of the hired girl and to the swine
being kept too close to the house. She
received an answer which container
the following:
"You may cum alright, Hannah lms
went, and there ain't been no hogs on
till. Ii1iKi ulm.ft vnn li.t'f I-iuf ciinnnni' '
Magazine of Fun.
She'd Keep
'Hut can you keep house?" Ik
asked, doubtfully: for he was, above
all things, a practical man.
"If you get a house and put It In
my name," she replied promptly, "PI
keep It all right enough."
Matters being thus satisfactorily set
tied, their engagement was announced
Judge.
Working Overtime.
Susie Me muddcr's illness is due tc
overwork.
Tommy Yes; I heard de doctoi
asked to see her tongue.
Sure SIkii.
Toss Have you seen May's fiance
Jess No, but Pin sure he's as home
ly as a mud fence.
Toss Why, how do you know?
Joss She's got Into the habit Intelj
of forever quoting: 'Handsome is
as handsome does.' " Philadelphia
Press.
Clint tei'lnu'.
"So the cars that bring the dlssioat
ed rounders home at unseemly houri
are called owl cars," said the womai
who had boon foolish enough to mar
ry u roundel'. "Well, that Is a gooi'
name for thoni,"
"Is that so?" snapped her husband
"Well, the cars that take women dowi
to tho bargain sales should be culled
parrot cars."
BE
IBffiy .... I
To sweeten,
To refresh,
To cleanse the
system,
Effectually
and Gently ;
There is only
one Genuine
Syrup of Figs;
to get its bene
ficial effects
Dispels colds and
headaches when
bilious or con
stipated; For men, women
and children;
Acts best on
the kidneys
and liver,
stomach and
bowels;
Always buy the genuine Manufactured by the
f?RNiA Fig Syrup &
jfsLoville, Ky. Fmncisco.Cal.
The genuine Syrup of Figs is for sale by all first-class
druggists The full name of the company California
Fig Syrup Co. is always printed on the front
or every package. Jfrice Mtty Cents per bottle.
VOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO
SUFFER
From Constipation, Bowel and Stom
ach Trouble.
Q. Whnt is the beginning of sickness?
A. Constipntiun.
Q. What is Constipation?
A. Failure of the bowels to carry ofT
he waste mutter which lies ia the ali
mentary canal where it decays and poi
lons the entire system. Eventually the
results arc death under the name of hoiuc
Dther disease. Note the deaths from
typhoid fever and appendicitis, stomach
aad bowel trouble at the present time.
Q. What causes Constipation?
A. Neglect to respond to the call of nn
ture promptly. Luck of exercise. Excos
lire brain work. Mental emotion and
Improper diet.
Q. What are the results of neglected
Constipation?
A. Constipation causes more suffering
than any other disease. It causes rheu
matism, colds, fevers, stomach, bowel,
kidney, lung and heart troubles, etc. It
Is the one disease that starts all others.
Indigestion, dyspepsia, diarrhoea, loss of
Bleep and strength nre its symptoms
plies, appendicitis and fistula are caused
by Constipation. Its consequences are
known to all physicians, but few suffer
ers realize their condition until it is too
late. Women become continued invalids
ns a residt of Constipation.
Q. Do physicians rei-ojnize this?
A. Ye. The tirst question your doctor
nsks you is "are you constipated?" That
Is the secret.
Q. Can it bo cured?
A. Yes, with proper treatment. Tho
common error is to resort to physics,
such as pills, suits, mineral water, castor
oil, injections, etc., every one of which
is injurious. They weaken nnd increase
the malady. Yoa know this by your own
experience.
Q. What then should he done to cure
it?
A. Get n bottle of Mull's Grape Tonic
nt once. Mull's Crape Tonic will posi
tively cure Constipatiiii and Stomach
Trouble in the shortest space of time. No
other remedy has before been known to
cure Constipation positively and perma
nently. Q. What Is Mull's Crape Tonic?
A. It is a Compound with -10 per cent
of the juice of Concord Crapes. It ex
erts a peculiar strenglln'iiiiiR, healing in
fluence upon the intestines, so that they
can do their work unaided. The process
is gradual, but sure. It is not a physic,
hut it cures Constipation, Dysentery,
Stomach and Howel Trouble. Having a
rich, fruity grape tlavor. it is pleasant to
take. As n tonic it is unequalled, insur
ing the system a gainst disease. It
Ktreagthons and builds up waste tissue.
Q. Where can Mull's Crape Tonic be
had?
A. Your druggist sells it. The dollar
bottle contains nearly three times the ."0
cent size.
' Good for ailing children and nursing
mothers, .
A free bottle to nil who have never
used it because we know it will cure you.
CURES INDIGESTION
When what you eat makes you
uncomfortable it is doing you very
littlu good beyond barely keeping
you alive. Digestive tablets aro
worse than useless, for they will In
timo deprive tho stomach of all
power to digest food. Thostomnch
must bo toned up strengthened.
The herb tonic-laxative,
Lane's Family
Medicine
will do tho work quickly and pleasantly.
Sold by nil dealers at 25c. and 50c.
SS3
FOR WOMEN
troubled with ills cccullar to
their eex, used aa a douche Is niArvefousTy iac
cestfal. Thoroucblycloari!ei,kilUdi8oaRoeermit
ctops discbarcet, tieali inflammation and local
soreness,
I'jxtlne is in powder form to bo dissolved In port
water, and Is far more cleansing, litalinjr,, germicidal
and economical than liquid antiseptics (or all
T01LGT AND WOMGN'B SPECIAL USES
For sale at druggists, CO cents a box.
Trial Uox and Ooolc of Instruction Pre.
THt n. paxton company Boston, mass.
Tho fellow who travels on his up
pors can't expect a lower berth.
Tho police of Paris regularly visit
the places where liquors are sold, to
have the spirits chemically exam
ined. Tho. specimens aro sent to a
city laboratory, and, if they are
found to be adulterated, the entire
stock is seized and emptied into a
sewer.
uo
FIUCI3 HOT I LK
1133
FREE n1 Ihli rnupnn with "'" nn ml 4rtrn.
your clrunlit'i nnm ant lOe I" ! xUrt nl vt will
nfpljr MiapU frt, If yoa h,T nttar iim! Mull i
Orr Tante. nd will Uo ttwi u rtrttfloaW oo. for
II 00 Uwtrd lh purfhn of uiora Tonic from your
dro,flt.
Mdix's Git ape Tonic Co., 21 Third Ave.
Hook Island. IU.
Give Full Attdreu and Write Plainly
n ctnt. M rr and 1 1 CM, UtUtt at all tfruidiU Tlia
It. 00 UotlU trntalna alut nii aa amoh. aa lU.'rt
rat bs4U anS about Ihraa llwa, aa uueh Uia W mil
aottla. lliara U a raal aarinf la W ! 0 U.uO "
Positively cured by
theso Little Pills.
Tlicy also rcllovo Dta
tress from Dyspepsia, In
digestion and. Too Hearty
Eating. A perfoct rem
edy lor Dizziness. Nausea,
Drowsiness, Dad Taste
In tho Mouth, Coated
Tongue, Tata In tho Bide,.
TOllPID LIVER. They
rejfulatc tho Dowels. Purely Vecetable.
SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PRICE
CARTER'S
SSpITTtwE
CARTERS
IBPlTTlE
HlVER
jyILLS.
Genuine Must Bear
Fac-Simile Signature
REFUSE SyBSTITUTuS.
TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Tnko I.AXATIVR DnOMO Quinine Tnhlcts
DniKKlsts refund money If It falls to cure.
K. W. Grove'a alfnatar Is on each box. 23c.
After some mon have failed a
everytliing else they try religion.
Mrs. WlnslowMSuOHIlNG SYRUP for ehll
drim tfothltiK. Hoflens thu cums, reduces lnlta
inatlon, allays pain, cures chollc. I'rlco '&a
Lt is Komctiinos easier to sot a goc'
example than to follow one.
Pise's Cure for Consumption Is the bes
medicine I have ever found for coughs
and colds. .Mrs. Oscar Tripp, Dig Uock,
111., .March -0, 1001.
Chicago clergy's plan to give tlw
laity more voice in tho administra
tion of tlie property of the Honiaa
Catholic Church, is approved by the
pope and probably will be extended.
N. N. U. U10-L, YORK, NEBU
lHH!oV.Hii.;T
mm
CUHLS WHIKI ALL LLSt FAILS
IJost Cou.ti byruu. 'l'u.itos (Juod.
in time, aoiu oy arugKitti.
iRXCE,
FV3 cts ft REPH (S If E Mb H M
UN ONE DAY CTJ
mm
IS GUARANTEED TO CURE
rsnin nan nni n iipxnnnur nun ucilDAl nisi
CLPsi A'jnn't ull A alLrivlnlii. In . Hnalar who won't flllurnntfA Tl
frttoK0ri31F0BlrAMS,' K-,or JaaT mNJ4Y MACK IF IT Iiokmx'T 0VXI1
' 'Wir-" WT JT. W. Viewer, M.J)., Manufaoturer, Sprinalcld, Mm
Sale Ten
r1',n rtnnnlnA )t u a n dnto n rut nnmhftr
tamprd on the label take no other from
your druggist.
Million Boxes aYear.
gsH THE FAriLY'B FAVORITE EulOINE
CANDY CATHARTIC
Be.
2SC50C
ijnm'in
m
BEST FOR THE BOWELS
1