i..HH-ii"rr4H' I
si r-x T
GVVD 4.
.44 4 (Tk I I
:ZnorE v tones
HougiJd Stewart, being MHked liow
(ar back lie could renicinbpr, declared:
I recollect n nurse called Ann
Who curried mo about, the grims,
Ami one Hue day a Hue young man
Manic up and kissed the pretty lass.
She did not make I ho leant objection.
ThlukH I, "Aha!
When I ran talk I'll (ell mamma."
Mid that's my curliest recollection.
II wiik before bicycles became so
.
M)pulnr mm tbey lire now tlmt u ""
farmer wan Importuned by a d nil lor to
l. mi,, rot' wevenl v-llvc dollars. "I'd
rut her spend tho money on m cow,"
Wiih the farmer's nnswer. "Hut what
un Idlol you would look riding about
the town on the back of a cow." "Per
Imp so." replied the farmer, "but not
half such mi Idlol as I'd look trying to
milk a bicycle. "
In arguing a ease lu an Kngllsh
iourl. the late Krcderlek Uene Moudoti,
whoso wit was raplor-IIko, look oc
casion to deprecate the legal learning
of Lord Chancellor KlPglbbon. whom
Ids opponent wms quoting. The trial
judge took timid exception to this. "I
have read his opinions." he wild, "and
1 have often wished I knew as much
law as ho did." "I wish to (Sod you
did!" roloiiod Condor!.
Tho other nielli I wo vaudeville sinn
ers of rag-llmc songs entertained sonic
visitors who had been Invited by
Ii'rlt'.l Keholl' to spend the evening In
her apartments. .Miss Scheff said that
iho would like to hear the Pierrot song
from "ItabeUo" syncopated, and, ns
Ihey did not imow the song, she sal
down to the piano and sang It for
them. The coon singers, unaware of
her Identity, opened their eyes at hear
ing her voice. At the close of the
vaudeville, entertainment, when the
rag-time men were leaving, one of
.them whispered, conlldent hilly, to Miss
Seherf's husband. Huron von Hnrdol
rbon: "Say, mister, that wlfiof yours
Is all light. If she had her voice cul
tivated, she -would bo good enough for
Iho stage."
Jules Ilurel, the French Journalist,
nays that his father, afterward a
wealthy merchant, had, In the begin
ning of bis career, a small shop In a
large building, the rest of the bulld-
lug being occupied by a rich clothing
tlrm, which, on leasing their portion
of It, made an urningomont with the
owners that they should also lmve
Iluret's shop when they needed It. This
lime arrived, and (he manager of the
clothing tlrm, estimating Iluret's
wealth by outside appearances, went,
to him and told him, patronizingly,
that lie would have to leave. "I have
leased the whole building," he said,
'and need your shop. ("So, and don't
make any fuss, and we will help you
tlud a new place. Otherwise, we will
charge you a rent that, will simply
beggar you." II met asked two weeks'
time to think the matter over. The
manager called at the end of that time,
and lluret, receiving him with smiles,
said: "Ah. It has been nicely ar
ranged. We are all to stay here. I
don't pay rent at all, but you pay
twenty-live hundred francs more than
last year. 1 have bought the building."
QUEER NAMES OF VILLAGES.
1'oNtnl oillol.iU Kino odditis, iii the
NoinoiiL'Intiiru of Towns.
When a settlement Is established in
ibis, country about the llrst thing that
the inhabitants petition for is a post
otllce. No matter how unimportant
the place may be In the opinion of the
rest of the world, It Is not so to the
l'wliliiil4. 'Micv llrmtv liollnvo I hut
they have a coming metropolis, and
dignity will not permit llieni to do
without a place for the reception, deliv
ery and forwarding of mall. 10 very
country town lias the facilities of the
United States mall, for where there
aro no towns the rural free delivery
goes.
- ' - "
In. uuililug the coming metropolis
Hie settler generally bids dellnnco to brand-new theory of bow to bo crook
oupbonv and chooses tho name such as wl not got caught! Tho absurdity
Urn Indian does for his oiYsminsr. Of or it! I've skinned you ovevy way
tho latter peoplo It is wild tlmt when a
child Is born tho father steps to the
nr the teoneo and vkinav about
the Immediate country, and even the
nlr The obieot that most forelbtv
impresses itself upon his mind Is the
one thut gives him the clew to ht
child' name. . Sitting Hull was thus
named; mo 'was the famous chief Red
Cloud; so were spotted Tall, " Gray
"Wolf, l.lttlo Rear and all llo rest of
lh aUoiimxes.
The eivlllMxl settler namos his town
much In the aaino fashion, for thpro Is
a very faint dividing line discernible
hot ween civilized man and the savage
when the environments ni"e similar, it
is, therefore," not ringurnr that thero
are In this country, ami in outer, ror
that matter, many towns wan ciinons
names.
Some of the curiously named post
oftjees, selected at random are: Tub,
Pa.;, RolilKJr iloost. I. T.5 ftird In
Uaud. Ph.; Lamedeer, .Mont,; Popcorn,
Id.; yhy Not, Ky.; Hat off, Ga.;
aopchoppy. fl.: .rmftown, N. U;
Scvenstnrs, Pn.; Fearnot, Pn.; Judy-
,0" W Va'; P,K' Ky-; 00d,,,8,,t. K''
,,,(, Knoti. W. Vm,; Red Lick, Alius.;
(Jump, I'm.; Kim, Minn.; Zlf, III.; Zero,
Ky.; Yellowdlrt, (la.; Yellowjackct,
Iduho; hideout, Kin.; Oumlog, tin.;
Hluo Eye, Mo.; Mood will, H. I).; Goose
berry, Ore.; (Joochland, Va.; (Joe, Ky.;
Itod Key, I ml.; (hip, I'm.; Wnlkehalk,
Pn.; You Mel. Cal.; (Jootl Thunder,
Minn.; Maidstone, VI.; Congrulty. I'm.;
hudaxo, Alleh.; Two .John. Aid.; Halt
bit IIhhIi, Ky.: HmI Cave. N. (!.; (Jood
wlno, III.; Happy Creek, Vm.: Nut,
Kin.; hlgbug. Arl.; hlg .Moses, W. Vm.;
Nix, S. (!.; Uul. Mo.; Haystack. Ky.;
CowpeiiH, S. ('.; Dice, Mleli.; Love. Vm.:
Ablipilu. N. AI.: (Milnose Camp, fill.;
ItoiineLK. C; Poverty T 1 111. S. C; Ited
illrd. K.V.: .lob. Mo.; Loveless. Ala.;
i i j 1 1 1 . in'. ..,
UjXt ,.; Hm(. Vm.: hod Apple. Ahi.;
Two Licks. I'm. ; Twltty. N. ('.: v
IowIiouhc. I'm.: Yellow Kabblt. At 1st.;
Crime Katcr. (in.; Toonlghl, Cm.: I'.lue
Jacket. I. T.; Mhinile Hope. Vm.
These lire found In Tennessee: Peel
ed Chesliiut. SewMiiee. I Intninker,
ClilH-killllck. Vonng hlnod. Veil. Itolie
ciive. Cliliniieylop, (Joodbye. High
beiiltli. KuMh tap. Dickey. Alug. A. P..
M., Itnrel'oot. Wild Moose, ami these In
Texan: Coats. I In by llend. Cittspiiug.
Lovehidy. hen tikis. P.lgrool. Mud and
cm Ml i. Oilier are: NumUy. Monroe
(.ouV
Mm.: .lam. Midi.: Sldoburn.
Vm.: P.inh Ned. Vm.: Mule. Ore.: (in
forth. Pendleton county. Ky.: Vinegar
Itciicl. Ala.: hlrdsong. Hinds couutv.
Alls.; Marked Tree. Ark.: .Inkiijoiie-.
Ark.; .Ininboree. Ky.: Collsnock, N..I.;
Inc. Ark.: Zlg. Mo.: Iliirdpiin. Pa.;
Sugar hush. Wis. -Washington Slur.
ENEMIES, YET FRIENDS.
Iimliitici-H "f I'Viitoronl Kcelinu Unr
liik' IM ly Tlmci f nr.
Many stories tell how the soldiers
lu our Civil War. men In blue ami men
In gray, hold friendly parleys between
the lines during Intervals when the
lliing ceased. Mere the triumph of
human fellowship over the bitter busi
ness of war was natural, for the op
posing ranks were of the same nation
and the same speech. I wo instances
or human brotherhood between foes
or different nations are related by Jo
seph lOlkiiilon in bis book on the Dou
khobors. The stories were told him
by a veteran of the Crimen. Ivan Ma
hortov, who fought, for the C.ar.
During tilt! siege of Sebnstopol.
when the batteries on each side were
decimating the ranks of the other, at
least three . limes he heard men of the
eneinv siivhnr. "brethren. Uussinns,
,'t 1 1 i t -lire aside;" and the Uussinns
llS,)u(,.( "I'Mro aside, brother."
"After this," said the old num. with
tears In bis eyes, "there was no more
such carnage, and would to (Sod that
men and angels might never witness
such awful work again!"
The other Instance of the humanity
which will ever assert Itself while
men are men, even when the grim des
tiny of war compels them to act as de
stroyers, came to Alahortov's personal
knowledge In this way:
The commander of his ship detailed
him to visit a small detachment of the
crow, who bad been stationed on the
laud to raise vegetables in a certain
ravine. Three of the Uusslan sailors
had been captured by the Kngllsh. Ma-
hortov, taking tremendous risks,--for
It was lu tho heat of the war. stole
through three picket-lines at night.
One of his brethren found hliu se
creted In the bush near the station,
and threw his arms about Alahortov's
neck. Alahortov asked If they had
any food, and received this surprising
answer: "un, yes, me i',ngns.j semi
in coffee, broad and butter lu the
morning, and the same food they
have themselves twice a day b.-sldes
tills. And they tell us, 'Don't be afraid;
wo won't harm you. It Is only the
governments that are guilty
in this
i. '
l l iwe-i ll rtr
Oucstioiui bio Philosophy.
"Now," said the employer, "badly as
1 hate to say it, your confessed crook
edness makes it incumbent upon me
to release you from your position
"Release mo.!" exclaimed the employe
In surprise. "Release mo and ninybo
got some inexperienced hand witli a
tlit-iv Is and you've caught mo. I'm
l onil of my rope and ready to bu
decent In fact. I don't know liow to
h' nnythlug elso. I go, but I shall re
"! unemployed for a few days Just
to give you n chance la recall your
rash words." Raltlmore American.
The Old Man Knew film.
The 'young man . wrote to the old
mutt from tho far West:
"Father: Ltko the prodigal son of
old, I am coming home, to speud Christ-
nuis.
'Then -tho old man wroto to tho young
man In tho far West:
"John: You'ro comln' home to spend
Christmas and what money you can
col lit p. Rut there's no fatted oHlf
Ul.umul hor0t Tho vetl, KttV0 (jUfc n
vo.u. .,.!. Ulantn Constitution.
Charcoal iskIi'm DmUv Thonirht.
Dey am a hull heat) ob people dnt
ati lak tnlllkmalrw! 'long 'uoht Chrtsi-
mas au' squeeao Oey purse lak hit war
a.purty gal all fle res' ob do 5ah,,irte.
t&u .lacason. ijainmoi-e wws. .
Tli Question.
"What nrc wo going to do with tho
mats?" asked tiic apprehensive cltl
icn. "Aly friend," answered Senator Sor
(hum, "that Isn't the question. The
jiiporUint thing to bo considered is,
vhat aro the trusts going to do with
ihV" Washington Star.
Why of U.
"I wonder why people sny 'As smart
tn a steel trap?" asked the young man.
"I never notice anything bo remark.
Lbly Btiuirt about a steel trap."
"A steel trap, my boy," replied th
inge from Sageville, "is small because,
nnllke some people. It shuts up at the
proper time."
Knctn In tlio Ciimc.
"Half the milk you leave In the pall
every morning disappears," protested
the female customer.
"You ought to have a watorproof
pall." said the milkman.
"Oh," retorted the woman, "it isn't
tho wuter that leaks out."
Hucli Ilcnr Krleudn.
ICdyth I Just heard something
about you.
Alaymc, It must be something sean
dalous.
Hdyth Why do you think so?
Maymc Itecause you look pleased.
Wiim I oil J'liiurcn.
"What would you do If I were to die
and leave you, darling?" asked the
orldegroom, who was on the shady side
of 70.
"Leave mo how much?" nnxioiwlj
asked the bride, who was well, lei
us say 'Jl) years and 11 months old.
htlll Hnd a Chance.
She I understand you are a Jok
writer.
He I may be guilty, but I novel
talk about tho stuff I turn out.
She That's good. There's nlwayi
Bonie hope of reformation when there's
a sense of shame.
On tho Wrong Trull.
It is no more than riulit that the
Btron,. s,(,Uhl aid the weak," said the
i,,iundv.
'And yet," rejoined the sarcastic
boarder, "I fall to see how dropping a
hunk of butter In the coffee would
bcnetlt It any."
S;i rent in.
Xoo.ey Hello, Snappe, what
are
you going to do with the camera?
Snappe Going to bore an artesian
well In our sitting room; you dldn'l
suppose l was going to tnrce pictures
with it, did you? Philadelphia Iedger
Wlml She'd Snuticnt.
Mrs. Youngwcd Marin li, the dust on
tho furniture In this parlor Is awful
What shall I do about it?
Marlali Pay no attention to it
mum.
L.ifo'n Little Aiioinnllc.
Clara Pepper, they say, makes peo
pie Irritable.
Cora That's queer; Harry gets nm
when tho pepper bottle Is empty."
Detroit Free Press.
l'onitive Indication!).
Alabol Did Gladys havo n fashion
able wedding?
AIiiihIl Very. Why, her wedding
dress was nearly torn off before shi
got inside the church. .Judge.
Nli tu nil Deduction.
"That singer geLs i?o00 a week," ro
marked the critical patron of tin
vaudeville show, "yet she has a volet
like a buz, saw."
"Perhaps." rejoined ids friends
"that is why she makes so much dust.'
Telephone Kcpartco..
"Who are you?"
"Who aro you?"
"I asked you llrst."
"Well, 1 won't talk unless l kuov
who you are."
"All right neither will I; gaoil-by.'
-Detroit Free Press.
'Two Kvcr Thus.
Jlnijono Howeils doesn't . Imv
much to say about political principle
since ho was olected to Congress, doe.
ho?
Snmsmlth No;, he's busy looklnj
after Ids political interests now.
Sirouiioun Infant,
"That baby of mino Is a natura
born soldier," said the sleepy -lookui
man.
"ITow'ft that?" queried his friend.
"lie's always up in anus,", vepKoj
the weary paront with a sickly grin.
ThaP the Question.
"It was only live years' ago that
started In with our tlrm at So. a week.
said Bragg, "and now I -earn '$50
n-eek. without any trouble.'!
"That's o; it's easy to earn -0011,
replied 'Jfewltt, 'but bow much to yq
ct7";-Phuaaeitii& ir.e, ,
TOPICS OF THE TIMES.
A CHOICE SELECTION OF INTER.
E8TINQ ITEM8.
Cotumeiti mnA Crltlclum. HnBod Upo
the Happening of the Iy Histori
cal anl New Note.
If King Peter can sec; his way to re
tiring on a comfortable pension. thafB
ills best move.
Are the days coming when the wife
less college professor will ihul himself
also Jobless'
Compared with the anli-toxln trust,
every other trust Unit can be men
tioned seems a veritable Mrohaiigel.
Alaude (Sonne Is a ma, and will for
a while at leasl be more Interested In
baby foods than In the Irish question.
Scientists are as excited over linillng
. dead iclhyosamus lu Chile as a wom
i;i would be over Hading a live nit in
.,er pocket.
.lusllce P.rown of the Supreme Court
has recovered the nee of Ids eyes, but
the goddess with the poised scales re
mains blindfolded.
The whalebone trust has advanced
the prices of Its wave "0 per cent. This
Ik because of the scarcity of whales
aiid because of one or two other good
and sulllcienl reasons.
Alothers of Itoston may now check
their babies Tor '-'o cents while they
work ror a day. Papa would freely
; ive !!." cents, yea. ."( cents, to check
he baby's little holler at - a. in. .
Vouiig .John I). Rockefeller says no
man can fool his conscience. This no
doubt Is the truth, but the trouble is
that some men have consciences which
wouldn't bo worth fooling even If It
could be done.
Young ladles In California have
formed an anti-kisslng society. Hach
member lias resolved that she will
never allow a man to kiss her. Of
course. If ho does it when she Is look
ing the other way, that doesn't count.
The old saw, "How have the mighty
fallen." Is aptly illustrated by the coal
barge Dessong, now discharging a
cargo at Providence, li. I. This humble-looking
craft was once the private
yacht of the Khedive of Hgypt, and
she transported the famous obelisk at
(Jen tin I Park, New York City, from
Kgypt to this country.
The record of the Penobscot tribe of
Indians for the year has a contribution
to the general discussion concerning
woman's work, actual and possible.
The honors on tho tribe farm were
won by a woman. The bushels of
potatoes and other vegetables which
she raised are so many witnesses to
the new relation to life and industry
which the Indian ot' to-day sustains.
King Edward and his queen made
themselves very popular, when Prince
.ind Princess of Wales, by the genial
willingness with which they "opened"
bazaars and took the lead in all man
ner of public functions. The present
Princess of Wales is said to be averse
to Unit sort of thing, and, even sur
veying the shining precedents before
her. seldom manages to do It as if she
liked it. Yet to smile and spend
money gracefully is one of the chief
duties of modern royalty, and one sus-
peels that her royal highness has an
asier time, after all. than the women
who organize and conduct the fesii-
vals.
savant lias just published in Rrus-
els a treatise on shaking hands, which
practico ho pronounces to bo extreme
ly damiorous. When two men cbisn
hands they exchange thousands of mi-
robes, according to tho hrussols gen
tleman's discoveries, thero being an nv-
rage of about S0.D00 germs of various
kinds upon every square half inch of
i he manly palm, it must not be sup
posed, however, that every hand is us
bad as thot. The Brussels savant ad
mits that a maiden fair whoso hands
are soft and white may not have more
than 40.000 or HiuhiO microbes scat
tered over both of her palms. Hence
we may conclude that holding her
hands is attended with but small risk
to the holder. But sho. on her mtrt.
-'him!l ho vt iii)f,ii nM.n r. , ,
savant savs t nou r "
mir dressers, barbers ZnZ . !
se.mkers, tripo merchants, tanners
ud leather dressers havo very ml-
roby bauds. Therefore it Is nUv,.v
est for a lady to muko sure, before
I'mlttlng a gentleman to take her
uinds In his and hold thfm fmiu.
here, that he Isn't a suynri
a usage-maker or a purveyor of trim.
i o be absolutely on the safe side she
dwtuid never nllow any men save those
vho aro-metal workers tn. i.m t.L
lands. Metal workers, it has hpon
omul, havo few microbes In - their
:aluis; since metal sets up an bxlda - -
ou which acts as an antisoniin hm,
j-'sults. of the hi-ussela savant's lnf.8.
Mgatlou: are -exceedingly Interesting
Bud soi've as a further rlronf fht. t,.i
ehaklneis even' as rltkv as it iB wt
WhTMt ttrW
eV
v nujrouca
daily to be stricken with nostalgia!
Ilumnne considerations alone snowq
be sulllclent to make men reliiKprhi!!
tills senseless practice.
What sort of women nre those who
spend hours and hours at meetings of
the Political Study Club, and kindred
bodies, discussing race suicide? Don'l
you honestly think that an alienist
could get In some line work at one of
their meetings? A Airs. .Judge is quo
ted as saying. "If the men bad to give
birth to every other child in the fam.
Ily there would never be more tJian
one lu a househidd. and only that ntf
vlding Unit Ihey began llrst. rnJfV"
exclaimed several political students In
chorus, and there was great applause.
"And that's what ought to be," came
a voice from the front row. Surely
no mother took part in such utterances
or approved of them. What woman
who has experienced the feel of baity
lingers on her cheek or down her neck
can remember the suffering that
brought the dear little one here; much
less regret it? You know some women
never become mot hers, no matter how
big a brood they may have. Again,
fortunately for the nice, there aro
baby less mothers aplenty In this mys
terious old universe. No real mother
ever wishes that the men folks had to
give birth to even one tiniest mite o(
a babykin. Alothers. through nil time,
have gone down in tlielr agony to very
death and taken from his hands a
barely breathing new life to nourish
and cherish. And have the fathers
stood by Indifferent? No; they havo
looked on in love and reverence, and
loving the mother and loving the babe.
And Is that all? No; these same fath
ers have gone out into a hard world
and fought and fought that this moth
er and babe might be sheltered and
shielded from all that is hard and (lis
agreeable. This Is what every true
father to-day is doing. A mere man
who lias a family and supports it in
this day and time does u great stunt
If he never saves a cent, but just
scratches along and meets his bills and
helps ids wife to make men and wom
en of his children, that man is u suc
cess. And u baby in the tainlly comes
to comfort lilm and make him forget
Ids rasped nerves, his broken aspira
tions, ids disappointment in men and
events when lie goes back to his home
tired out with making a living. Real
ly, now, it's too bad about these Po
litical Studyists.
WASHINGTON'S REVERENCE.
An Anecdote of tho Father of
Ilia
Country mid of Ilia Mother.
Much of Cicorgo Washington's firm
strength of character was due to hh
splendid ancestry, as the following
little anecdote will testify:
While rcconnoiteiing in Wostmore
laud County, Virginia, one of General
Washington's ollicers chanced upon a
line team of horses driven before q
plow by a burly slave. Finer animals
ho had never seen. When bis eyes had
feasted on their beauty, he cried to tlid
driver:
Hello, good fellow! 1 must lmv
those horses. They are just such ani
mills as 1 have been looking for."
The black man grinned, rolled up th
whites of ids eyes, put the lash to tin
horses' Hanks, and turned up anothoi
furrow in the rich soil. Tho olilcei
waited until he had Mulshed the row;
then throwing back his cavalier cloak,
the ensign of rank duz.led the slave's
eyes.
Rotter see missis! hotter st
missis!" lie cried, waving Ids hand tfl
the south, where above tho cedar
growth rose the towers of a line old
Virion mansion. The olllcer turned
up the carriage road and soon was
rapping the great brass knocker of th
front door. Quickly the door swung on
its ponderous hinges, and a grave, ma
jestic-Iooklng woman confronted thq
,.tu ..m. .... t.. i....
I " 1
iir.ii.li ll llll .ill .ill l.l l null I
.Madame," said the olllcer, dolling
his cup, and overcome by her dignity
"1 have come to claim your horses h'
the name of the government."
"Aly horses?" said she. bending up
on him a pair of eyes born to com
mand. "Sir. you cannot havo tlicui
Aly crops are out and I need my horse
in tho Hold."
"I am sorry," said tho olllcer, "bin
I must havo them, inadaiuo. Such an
the orders of my chief."
"Your chief? Who is your chief,
' ' ' .
pray?" she demanded with restrninoi
I "aruiui.
"' commander of the Amorica.
"y-CJt.neml Ueorge Washington,'
,7 ,he , W "
Rlultlt,r8 u,ul -welling with pride. A
8mU" of u'lim,Pu softened tho stern
mss ot tu? womu's featuros; "Tel!
Gew Washington," said sho, "thai
"1. mother uys he cannot havo hei
"""scs.'
Wlth a. uuuihle apology, the olllcej
turttPd awtty.t eonvlnced that he ba
fo,m(l lie source of ills chief's do
elslou and self-command.-
A.nd did Washington order. Ills oihcei
- to wturn ftnd make Ids mother give m
. liev ll0l'se9 No; he listened to the ro
port .in silence, then, with ono .f hh
rilre smiles, 'h bowed his head. S
'lcnola8; . i
' 1 '. -.
'' Ul? Hims comW5 " '
many: uuhnppy -106,. the lira,
time" in -thWr .lives, make 'a Howe,
j.sardjsn iu"R nsw"Vloco-tho cemetery