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THE NEBRASKA ADVERTISER
VT. W. BANDKIIH, l'ubllihor.
NEMAHA, NEBRASKA.
.r4f4Mi4HH
:: A Night of Mistakes
tHmMiH--mi
YOUNG Mr. Wlnklo nnd his wife
hnd just arrived In San Francisco
from the country. After some days'
search for a. suitable liouso Mr. Winkle
selected ft large, old, two-story build
ing standing in neglected grounds. Jt
wns No. 001 Wank street.
He contemplated opening a boarding
liouwe. Young Mrs. Winkle thought
that a neat sign inscribed "Tabic
Hoard, Homo Cooking," would prove
nn irresistible attraction to the home
less public. So they moved in forth
with. That evening they felt very lonely
In the grent, hollow rooms, which were
strewn with their household goods like
the debris left by a freshet. It was ten
o'clock before they were able to tire up
in the stove and brew themselves a cup
of ten.
"Ophelia, dear," said Mr. Winkle, as
lie seated himself on n trunk with a cup
of the mild beverage in hl hand, "we
don't know a soul in the city, and, of
course, we. shnll lead a very 'quiet and
uneventful life at first. Hut we must
be as cheerful as possible under the
circumstances."
At that moment there was a ring at
the door bell, nnd Mr. Winkle took the
lamp nnd went to the door. In a few
momenta he uttered such an exclnmn-
1lon of astonishment and dismay thnt
Ills wife flew to his side in deep ulnriii.
Lylng on the veranda close to the
door, wrapped In nn old blanket, was n
little baby, fast asleep.
"Goodness sake alive!" exclaimed
Mrs. Winkle, carefully picking up the
little stranger. "Where did It come
from, F.rnstus?"
"Somebody has abandoned It," said
Mr. Winkle. "I've heard of such things
before. Well, 1 suppose we'll have to
take it in for the present."
"Of course we will," chirped Mrs.
Winkle. "The sweet little wootsy
tootsy. It's fast asleep."
She cuddled It In her arms and car
ried it in, and Mr. Winkle followed,
feeling rather pleased than otherwise.
Mrs. Winklo carefully laid it on a pile
of loose bedding and ran to look at It
every two minutes. Mr. Winkle cheer
fully continued his task of arranging
the furniture.
There was another emphatic ring at
the bell, and Mr. Winkle uneasily hur
ried to the door. A very tall man In liv
ery stood there with a huge basket on
his arm.
"Mrs. Travers send a this basket to
you with her best wishes. She's just
got back from the east, and she wants
you to know that she hasn't forgot
you," recited the man, lowering his
burden and setting it Inside the door,
"There must be some mistake, sir,"
replied Mr. Winkle. "I'm not acquaint
ed with Mrs. Travers."
"Perhaps you nln't, but tJicrc's no
mistake," said the man. "This Is No.
001, and I s'pose Mrs. Travers knows
what she's about. I'm her footman,
iny name is Shafto and I obey orders,
that's all. Good evening, sir."
The giant footman departed, and Mr.
nnd Mrs. Winkle peeped under the white
cloth that covered the basket. It
bcemed to be full of cakes, jellies, sweet
meats and delicacies of every sort.
"There must be some mistake about
It," gasped Mr. Winkle. "Why didn't
I ask him where Mrs. Travers lives'
However, we. will not touch It, of
eourhe. The matter will be explained
to-morrow, no doubt."
Shafto, the footman, went ponder
ously down the street. Under n corner
lamp he came upon 15 men, evidently
u brass baud, as they all carried in
struments. The lender was anxiously
searching in his pockets.
"What the devil was that number?"
lie growled. "It's lucky the young fel
low wrote It down for me. I've got it
here somewhere. 0, here it Is," and he
produced a crumpled bit of paper. "001.
That's the number plain enough, but
that chap Is an awful poor writer. Let's
see, we're all here except bass drum
and cymbals. Potts is working over in
Oakland, but I sent him the number, so
1 guess he'll And us nil right. Come on,
boys. The young fellow said he'd be
wilting for us at the place."
"Are you going to G01 on this street?"
nsked Shafto, who had never got over
Jiis boyish admiration for a brass
band. "I've just come from there. I'll
go with you and show you the place and
Jiold your torch for you."
When they arrived at No. 001 Uiey
looked In vain for the young fellow'who
had promised to be awaiting them. It
was dim moonlight and the htrcet was
quiet. They stole noiselessly into the
grounds and peered about, but Uiere
was no one in sight.
"I guess he's got tired waiting and
gone in the house," whispered the lead
er. "It's pretty late and we might as
well strike up. We won't wait for
Potts."
So the torch was lighted and given to
the -willing Shafto, the baud men
grouped themselves, and soou. their
cheeks were bulgng as they blew "La
Fiesta" march from their blaring
horns.
As the last strains died away a loud
husky olce burst upon them:
"Darn my skin if thnt ain't real good,
boys! That's the genoolne article,
sure's you're born."
Looking around, the musician saw a
short, stubby man lenning over the
gate. He wore a fur cap and a blanket
coat.
"That's the fust music I've hcerd fur
years, boys," he said. "I'm Hill Spelt.
I've Jest got back from Alasky. I made
my pile nnd dug out fur 'Frisco. This
music makes mo feel real good, (live
us another tune, boys."
The lender looked at the house. A
light was bobbing about like u wlll-o'
thc-wlsp from window to window, but
no one came out.
Presently the mnrtlal strains of a
popular march jarred -the window
panes.
"Huily, boys!" ejeculnted Hill Spelt,
as the brazen notes ceased. "That's
meat and drink nnd 40-rod whisky all
In one. Hoys, I see a saloon down the
street, nnd "
Hut nl that moment the front door
opened and Mr. Winkle came out with
a lamp in his Jinnd. Mrs. Winkle's dim
form appeared behind him. Ho peered
to the right and left like n hen in the
dark.
"Gentlemen," he began, tremulously,
"I do not know to what we are indebt
ed for tihisgrenthonor. You have made
a mistake, haven't you?"
"No mistake at all, sir," replied the
leader, with a snicker. "Thnt is 001,
ain't It? It's all right."
"Will you come in, gentlemen?" eald
Mr. Winkle, with despniring politeness.
"We're hardly situated so as to enter
tain you as we would wish, but you're
welcome, I assure you very welcome."
.lust then a small, shrill wall floiftcd
out upon the still air.
"O, my goodness! They'te waked the
baby!" exclaimed Mrs. Winkle, and she
vanished like smoke.
"Thunder!" cried the leader, aghast.
"Never mind, gentlemen," said Mr.
Winkle, with untiring courtesy. "It's
not our baby, you know. Some one
abandoned it on our doorstep this very
evening. A very singular thing."
"Trot him out!" burst out Hill Spelt,
stepping forward. "I hain't hardly
seen a kid fur years, pardner. I've been
up on the Yukon dlggin' gold, nnd I jest
got back. It was tough, pardner. Hut
I was n-Jbcoopln' In the nuggets jest the
same. Can't I see the kid, pardner?"
"Certainly, friend," replied Mr. Win
kle. "Come in. All come in, gentle
men." "Well, we've waked up the buby, and
I guess we enn't do much more (lam
age," said the leader.
So they all went in and stood around
amongst the wreckage in the. big par
lor, and Mrs. Winkle brought in the
baby, who blinked at the light and
stretched out its little arms toward the
shining brass horns.
"Darn my skin!" roared Hill Spelt, In
high delight, as the baby's tiny hand
clutched his bier rough Angers. "See the
little toad I There's the mnkln' of n
miner, boys. He kin almost handle a
pick a'ready. I've got something here
fur the kid."
He thrust a hand deep In his pocket
and pulled out a heavy buckskin bag,
from which he poured a handful of gold
nuggets. Selecting half a dozen of the
largest he gave them to Mr. Winkle.
"Keep 'em fur the little feller, ' he
said. "It's a little present fur him.
And now I guess we'd better go. Me
nnd my friends here has got a little
business to attend to down the street."
"We arc greatly obliged for this
pleasant call," said Mr. Winkle,, spme
whnt hazily.
"I see 'twas a surprise to you, sir,"
said the lender. "Hut a joke Is a joke.
1 thought the young fellow was here,
but I s'pose he'll be around to-morrow
and explain It all and have the laugh
on you."
"Who?" asked Mr. Winkle, hopeless
ly puzzled.
"Whv, the young fellow that hired
us."
Mr. Winkle said no more. It was too
much for his troubled brain. HiUSpe'.t,
Shafto and the band filed out. In the
yard they halted and played "Peek-n-Hoo."
Then they all went down the
street to the miiIooii where Hill Spelt
threw a twenty at the bartender "for
a starter," as he said.
Meanwhile several blocks down the
street a well-dressed young man was
Impatiently waiting at the gate of n
residence set In beautiful grounds. He
side him stood a man with a bass drum
and cjmba'.s.
"Whnt has got the rest of the band?"
exclaimed the young man, in a sup
pressed but angry voice.
"1 don't know, sir." replied Potts. "1
was working in Oakland, and our lead
er wrote to me to come, and sent me
the number where to meet. 'em. He's a
terrible careless feller, but 1 don't see
how there could be any mistake."
An hour passed. No band appeared,
and the young man wns fairly dancing
with Impatience and rage.
"I'll thrash that idiot of a leader," he
burst out, "To play me a trick like
this, when he knows It's a serennde,
too!"
dust then another young man came
up the street, quietly slipped In the
gate and stole around the walks under
one of the side windows. He carried a
Jguiturlu his hand. The first 'young
man almost foamed with Indignation.
"That's Jim Hnrker." ho growled.
"He's going to ncrennde her. Thinks
he can sing, the conceited puppy!
Come on. I'll fix him!"
The obedient Potts followed the an
gry young man through the grounds
until they were only a few paces from
dim Hnrker, who was tinkling in a
preparatory way upon his guitar be
fore singing. He seemed somewhat
disturbed by the proximity of such
unwelcome comp.my, but presently
he lifted up his voice in a sweet and
tender love song.
"Now, play! l'luy! Work those
cymbals for all they're worth'" whis
pered the first young man, furiously.
Potts had his pay to earn. Instnntly
the big drum boomed, and the cym
bals crashed with a fearful and deaf
ening sound. There was a half min
ute of this upronr, nnd then n start
ling silence. Parker turned upon
Potts nnd IiIb employer with pardon
able anger.
"You interrupt me again in
wny, Joe Woods, and I'll put
head, through Unit drum," he
with suppressed fury.
thnt
your
said,
"Ho, ho! What would I be doing
all that time?" sneered Woods.
Hnrker turned away and agnln
tinkled his guitar. Again he'essayed
his love song. Hut he had hardly ut
tered three words when, "Hooml
boom! clang! crabh!" went tlic drum
nnd cymbals.
Harker quietly Inid his guitar on
the grnss and pounced on Woods like
u catamount. There wns a lively and
vigorous fight. Occasionally one or
the other went down, which event
Potts duly signalized with a tri
umphant thump of his instruments.
Suddenly n shrill, quavering voice
broke upon this sanguinnry scene. It
was the old housekeeper.
"For the land's sake, boys, what
are you up to? Miss Iteatrice and all
the family have gone away to Sacra
mento for a week, and it's a good
tiling she isn't here to see your dis
graceful carryings-on. Go nwny home,
now, and behave yourselves. Ain't
you ashamed!"
When Woods and Harker reached
the street they paused.
"Say, Jim," said Woods, frankly, "I
didn't do just right, but I wns pret
ty mnd. I hired a band to screnndo
Miss Heatrice nnd they all went back
on me except this faithful drummer
Hut we're both budly sold, it seems
Let's shake."
They shook hands and parted.
Woods nnd Potts walked up the street
together. As they were passing a sa
loon a troop of men with brass horns
came pouring out, jovially and hilari
ously. "Darn my skin!" said a stout, husky
mnn, "this Is real good. I'm glad to
have met ye, boys."
Woods and the leader met fnce to
face. ,
"Confound you!" thundered Woods,
"what do you mean by going back on
me in this way?"
"I didn't go back on you," returned
the lender. "We went to the place
and you wasn't there."
"You never went near the place."
"Well, here's the number you gnvo
me in your own handwriting: 'Hlnnk
st., 001,' " said the leader, producing
the crumpled bit of pnper.
Woods took the tinner, glanced at
it and burst into a sarcastic laugh.
"Why, you moon-eyed galoot," he
said, "you had it upside down. It's
109 Wank st. Look at It!"
"Thunder!" cried the astounded
leader. "I just glnnced at the num
ber by a street lamp. And that writ
ing of yours looks about the same
either way."
Further recriminations were inter
rupted by u wild-eyed man who came
rushing down the street. In his arms
he held a bundle from which there
came a lusty wall. It was the unfor
tunntu Winkle.
"Hello, partner!" shouted Hill Spelt,
"nns the kid got the colic?"
"Merciful heavens! ejaculnted poor
Winkle. "This is another one! You
were not gone half an hour when the
doorbell rang and we found this!
Where's the police station the jail
the engine house anything!"
A big policeman came hurrying
along. He hnd espied the. fleeing
Winkle In the distance and had given
chase. The appalling facts were re
lated to him.
"Where do you live? What's your
number?" he asked.
"001," replied the shiering Winkle.
"Why. that's the old Foundling
asylum," said the policeman. "They've
just moved Into their now quarters,
and 1 s'pose the parties that left the
kids didn't know about the change."
Loud and long was the laughter of
the crowd, for they were mellow and
rendy for mirth.
"Why, 1 guess that's what my
basket was intended for," said Shafto.
"Darn my skin!" roared Hill Spelt,
as he again drew out his sack of nug
gets. "This little chap shall have the
next largest."
The next day' the babies, the nug
gets and the big basket of delicacies
were transferred to the new Found
ling asylum, and Mr. and Mrs. Winkle
moved. Hoston Globe.
Woodland In (he United KliiKitoin.
There can be reckoned ns woodlund
3,000,000 acres In the United Kingdom
at the present day.
TIDE OF TELEPHONE TALK.
The Kltb nnd Klorr of Commnnlcn-
lloim Thnt Conic to (he Hello
Ctrl Over (he AVIrm.
"It's very curious how talk ebbs nnd
flows over the w ire," said a New Orleans
telephone girl, according to the Times
Democrnt. "Low tide is at 1:30 in the
morning. Around nbout thnt time sev
eral minutes will sometimes elapse when
nobody in this whole big city is using
the 'phone. When you eqme to think
nbout it that is something very remnrk
nble. Hctwccn one nnd two o'clock the
cnlls will nvernge from 100 to 180, rarely
more, but, for some reason I wus hover
able to understand, business always
picks up between two nnd three in
fnct, it nenrly doubles. Then, for equal
ly mysterious rensons there is another
lull, nnd the hour between three nnd
four is almost as quiet as between one
nnd two. I hnve often tried to figure
out some theory for those two curious
fluctuations, but hnve never even hit
one that was even plausible.
"After four o'clock, however, there Is
n sternly nnd continuous increase in the
strenm of tnlk We girls, who hnve been
in the exchange u good while get to
know exactly how the city wakes up.
The market men head the procession;
nnd then follow the different trades
people nnd clerks nnd office employes,
nceordlng to the necessities of the vari
ous callings. All of them use the 'phone
more or less, nnd It Is very curious and
interesting to watch the graduations
by which the community settles down
to its day's work. y nine o'clock the
rush of trnfllchns become something
tremendous, nnd It grows by leaps and
bounds until it renches n cllmnx at ten
From nine to ten the calls will oftm
exceed -1.000. Then there is n slight fall
ing otf, becoming more mnrkrd ns the
dny advances, and between four and five
nine-tenths of the business 'phones
hnve subsided. Hut. oddly enough, the
residence 'phones nt thnt juncture sud
denly take up the tale, and their henvl
est business is between four and six.
3 suppose the business folks are through
then with the main cares of the day,
nnd have a little leisure for long dis
tance gossip. Throughout the early
evening calls don't vary much one way
or the other, nnd, with nine o'clock
they begin to dwindle steadily down to
1 ::U), which, as I said before, is extreme
ly low -water mark.
" 'How inany enlls can a girl attend to
in nn hour?' Well, 1 have made connec
tions for .100 talks between nine and
ten. exclusive of the numbers 1 re
ported as busy."
BRIDAL GIFTS GO AROUND.
Often Pukh from One II ride o Another
nnd lluck (o (he Shop That
Sold Tin-m.
"I wisli people would know enough to
send unmarked presents," said u sweet
bride, as she stood contemplating u
tableful of silverware. "Here I must
pay good money for a wedding present,
which 1 could have taken from this lot if
ench piece did not hnve a letter or mono
gram engraved on it. I thought 1 could
hne this bowl fixed up, but the thing Is
so thin that there would be nothing
left of it if the name were erased," nnd
the young woman, who had sent u po
lite note thankingher "dear friend" for
the gift, expressed contempt for the
"mean thing." says the New York Trib
une. A mnn who hnd witnessed the scene
and heard the remarks, said later:
"That's nothing to what happened u
few days ago. A woman purchased a
hnndsome piece of silver and sent it
unmarked ns a wedding present to a
friend. It was the only piece of the
kind in the store in fact, it hud been
made especially for a show piece and
you may believe that the womnn was
surprised when she came to the store
two months later and found the piece
ngniu for sale.
"She asked the salesman how it came
there, and heard to her amuzement
that it had been returned by the woman
to whom it had been presented. 'She
brought it back,' said the salesman,
'and asked to have It credited to her ac
count.' 'And you took It.' asked the
original customer, 'knowing thnt I
had bough it?' 'What could we do?'
asked the salesman. 'She is a good cus
tomer, who has nn account with us, and
we would have lost her trade if we had
not taken it.' So, yon see, this woman
went ti stej) further she actually took
the money for it. If she had been u
cash customer' nt the store the trans,
net ion could never have been con
summated, but the system by which n
'charge customer' may return goods
ntim.x time and reecho credit for them
made the disgraceful piece of business
possible. The class of people who value
a wedding present in keeping with its
weight are a source of great iroubl.;
to the dealers, and one of the safeguards
against them is deep engraving."
One (iood Trull,
Kiltie 1 don't like Mr. Hox.
Katie's Mother Why not?
"He's got money, and though he has
been coming to see me for a year,
he has never given me anything in
his life."
"I don't know nbout that. He gives
you a chance to get to bed nt a reason
able hour, which can'.t be said. of some
of the other young men 1 know."
Detroit Free Press.
HUMOROUS.
Indolent. "Oh, her husbnnd is ns
rich ns Croesus! She could hnve the
loveliest things if she were not too
lazy to pine for them!" Detroit Jour
nal. The people of Paris arc doing their
best to overcome the fast life they
hnve been living. They nre buying
100,000 pounds of snnils for food every
dny. Indianapolis News.
"Please, boss," whined the mendi
cant, "enn you help n poor fellow out
of work?" "No, sir," returned the
pedestrian. "1 only believe in help
ing people into work." Philadelphia
Kccord.
A Joint Wardrobe. "Do you like
your new cook?" "Oh, yes; 1 haven't
worn my silk cape but once since she
came, but, grnclous! I'm not going to
bother her nbout it little thing like
that." Indianapolis Journal.
Ilev. Mr. Saintly "I was very sorry
that I couldn't fill my pulpit lust Sun
day, but I hope you liked my substi
tute." Mrs. Wltherby "Oh, yes. He
wns fine, nnd I told my husbnnd, who
didn't go, that he little knew whnt he
had missed." Life.
His Amended Complaint. Porter
Ashe, ft lawyer of San FrnncisoO, hnd n
client who wanted a. divorce from his
spouse. Hy way of cause, hej com
plained, thnt his wife mnde a practice
of throwing things nt his dog. "You
can't get n divorce on Unit," explained
Ashe. "The worst of it is," com
pluincd the husbnnd, "every time she
throws nt the dog she hits mc."
Snn Francisco Wnve.
WAGERS OF OTHER DAYS.
Some Odd Slnken Thnt AVer.- nl ItUlc
on Pointful P.lectloitM Meld
lu (he I'nnl.
Petting on elections was as prevalent
in the early days of the republic as It is
nt present, sujs the Chicago Chronicle.
It is r?corded that in a campaign be
tween fcderiillsts'nnd democrats a cask
of ale was wagered on the result by two
prominent men of Philadelphia. Tin
terms were that the ale wns to be drunk
at the Hlue Anchor tavern In Dock
street, then n widely patronized inn.
A fortnight nfter the election wns held
enough returns had come in to show
the result, and the bet was paid. Then
was a pood old-fashioned jamboree at
the ale drinking nnd before the night
was ended the whole party was in the
hands of the night watch. The news
papers of the day got hold of the story
and printed it, but, after the fashion of
those days, no nnmes were given. 'And,
also after the fashion of the day, the
little affair was referred to as "a brawl
and affray," when in these days it would
be called a case of "drunk and iNsnv-.. .
oerly."
About -0 years ngo Jay Gould put
up a steamboat as a stake on an e'.ec-.
tion. Whether the other party to the
wager put up another steamboat or an
equivalent in cash, real estate or rail
road stocks and bonds is not recorded,
but at anj rate Mr. Goujd won. Later
he sold the steamboat he had wagered
to nn actor, who converted it into an
excursion boat and got rich.
When George Francis Train, the ec
centric, lived in Omaha some yenrsago.
at the time when he wns prominent in
th? building of the Union Pacific rail
road, it came to pass that an election
was scheduled. Mr. Train thought he '"
knew how the election wns going, and
to prove his courage made a wager that
if his man was defeated he would wear
a duck suit all the year round. Mr.
Train's guess was bad and he lost. He
lived up to the letter of the bet, how
ever, and for a whole winter one of
those Omaha winters, too, in which the
thermometer takes Midden and unex
pected dips to fur below zero, and bliz
zards come along over night and freeze
everything that is actually not on lire
he wore white duck. There were those
who said he violated the spirit of the
bet by wearing half a dozeu suits of
underclothes under his white d-iick.
Hut Mr. Train could stand criticism
better than he could stand an attack
of pneumonin, nnd refused to abandon
his warm underclothing.
They tell another story of an election
bet In the bllzznrd country. It is to the
effect that in 188S Kzekiel Timrock, or
Uunnewell, Kan., made a bet in these
terms: If Cleveland was defeated he
would join the church. Timrock was a.
gentleman with a reputation as a tough
and a bad man generally. He had long
scorned religion and cursed religion
ists. So his bet was a heavy one. Well,
he lost. There were many who thought
he would back out and compromise by
giving the winner a big farm or some
thing of that kind. Hut he didn't. He
made application for membership in
the church.
It so happened, however, that the
deacons knew the terms of t lis-bet and
his application was blackballed. Tim
rock thought this released him, but the
man. who held the other end of the
wager insisted thnt he had not paid up.
Timrock considered that he was insult
ed and promptly there was ashootiii"
match. Hoth were equally quick on the
trigger and both were equally good
shots, and the result was the death or
both parties. The coroner summoned
a jury and when the inquest wns over
a verdict, holding the church responsi
ble, because it rejected Timrock's appli
cation, wus returned.
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