The North Platte semi-weekly tribune. (North Platte, Neb.) 1895-1922, May 07, 1912, Image 2

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JEALOUS.
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"My wlfo Ib awfully Jealous.
"Is thnt ao?"
"Yes; sho wouldn't speak to mo for
thro days after I hugged that hunter."
Missing tho Point.
Hopresontatlvo Buckor of Colorado,
apropos of a tariff argument about
sugar, sad to a Washington corre
spondent: "Oh, well, thoso m on don't
neo my point. Thoy miss it as badly
as the old lady mlBscd her son's.
" 'Mother,' a young man said, look
ing up from tho Dullotln, 'would you
bellovo that It takeB 5,000 elophanta
a year to mako our piano keys and
billiard balla?'
" 'Mako our piano keys and billiard
balls!' cried tho old lady. 'Well, I
nlways understood elephants wcro In
telligent creaturos, but I novor know
boforo that they'd been trained to
mako piano keys and billiard balls.'"
Tasha Lama of Mongolia Buys an Auto
Caution.
A commercial trnvclor at a railway
restaurant in ono of our southern
towns included in his order for break
fast two boiled eggs. Tho old darkey
who sorved him brought three.
"Uncle," said tho travollng man,
"why In the world did you bring mo
thrco hollod eggs? I only ordered
two."
"Yes, sir," said tho old darkey, bow
ing and smiling, "I know you did or
der two, sir, but I brought thrco bo
causo I jus' naturally folt dat ono oi
dem might fall you, sir." Harper'i
.Weekly
SAN FRANCISCO. Tho Taaha Lnma,
emperor of Mongolia and noxt to
tho head of the Buddhist church, has
novor taken a bath in his life, but ho
rides about tho streets of Urga, on tho
far sldo of tho Gobi desert, in tho fin
est limousine that money can buy.
Ethan U Lo Munyon of tho China
American Trading company ntTlent
sln, who delivered tho limousine at
Urga, has arrived here on tho Nippon
Marn.
Tho car was taken by rail to tho
edge of tho Gobi desert. It mado too
big a packago to stow aboard n camel
cart, so Lo Munyon filled up tho gas
oline tank and made tho limousine do
its own work for tho rest of tho trip.
This involved a Journey of GSO miles
across tho Gobi desert. As tho con-
tract required tho car's delivery In
good condition, and as tho roads were
rough, Lo Munyon had to proceed with
caution. Ho mado tho Journey in ten
days, which was throo weeks faster
than tho speediest camel train had.
In the Dark.
"Has that boy of yours who gradu
ated from collogo last year found a JoV
that suits him yet?"
"Nope. Ho'a Btlll looking for ono."
"Whero'a ho looking?"
"Well, I don't Just know. Ho seomi
to do most of his looking nights."
They Draw Interest.
i "A kiss," ho sold nftor JUBt having
bad ono, "1b tho most precious thing,
and yet women glvo them nwny."
"You nro mistaken," sho said. "Wo
never glvo them nway, we merely In
vest thorn." Fun.
over made It, so tho natives say.
Although the lama pwns two pal
aces ono for summer and tho other
for wintor ho lives in a tent in tho
yard of his winter palnce. From the
cradlo to tho gravo n Mongolian of tho
Iluddhist faith never takes n bath. He
believes that if ho did ho would bo
turned into a fish. Lo Munyon was
received by the lama In his tent. IIo
describes tho political head of Mongo
lia as tho dirtiest human being ho
ever saw, nnd this in a land whoso peo
plo nro notorious ns tho most unwash
ed In all tho world.
"It was a great trip," said Lo Mun
yon yesterday. "I do not want to de
liver nny more packages in Mongolia.
Tho natives are friendly and their hos
pitnllty is something the victim never
forgets.
"Kach one carries a shallow wood
en dish Insldo tho bosom of his shirt.
If ho takes a fancy to you, nnd ho usu
ally does, he digs out this dish, licks
it out with his tongue, fills it with tea
and invites you to drink. If you ob
ject to the licking process, as somo
foreigners do, ho will clenn It out with
tho Bleevo of his coat. They make tea
by boiling tea leaves and mutton fat
together, nnd as tho mutton is usunlly
rancid, tho combination Is calculated
to mako a lasting impression on tho oc
cidental palate."
Tho Usual Way.
"Tho doctors havo finally decided
tvhat caused Smith's illness."
"Had a consultation, eh?"
"No; autopsy." Judgo.
Easily.
Howell Ho has a prosperous look.
Powoll Yoa, you could toll at a
glanco that ho was a slnglo man.
Cat's Conduct is Up to City for Trial
NEW YORK. Is Minnie, tho iellno
favorlto of tho inmates of tho Inns
much Homo for Aged Women, a roof
ripping, gravel-scratching, hole-tearing,
diabolical cxamplo of what n cat
should not bo, or isMlnnlo a soft-purring,
affectionate, fire-loving nnd milk
seeking animal, worthy of all tho de
votion that tho women of the homo
nnd neighbors In tho block can glvo
her?
This la tho vital caso which Is bolng
trlod In tho court of public opinion in
the homo, In every drawing-room, in
tho back yards and out the windows of
Garfield place
Alinnlo is charged In the Indictment
brought by William A. Robblns In a
complaint to tho health department,
with having felinely, feloniously and
with malice aforethought, ripped, torn,
scratched and otherwise mado holes
in a certain tin roof, situated Just over
tho library of said complainant. Tho
charges, separately and collectively,
Mlnnio Indignantly denies through her
friend, Mrs. Susan Lane, founder of
tho homo. Tho Indictment describes
tho roof ns being an extension roof,
covered with gravel, Mlnnio Is accused
of having scratched tho gravel off and
having torn tho tin. .
Tho defenso is not Insanity. Mln
nio offers in evidence to rcfuto tho
charge, four sots of perfectly blunt
claws.
The prosecution offers to prove by
numerous witnesses that Mlnnio and
another cat, "to tho deponent un
known" a sort of Mary Doe cat can
bo thoroughly Identified as tho leader
in the band of feline vnndals.
Tho neighborhood Is divided. The
board of health has been drawn in nnd
has Instructed Minnie, Mrs. Lane, act
ing as interpreter, thnt sho must re
main within the confines of hor own
home. If she does not, the clvlhcourtB
will tako tho ca3o from tho Court of
Public Opinion of tho Garfield placo
district.
Minnie, upon being asked her opin
ion of her ancestors nnd the caso In
gonerah remarked "Melouw!" Sho
then turned her back on tho -interviewer,
which is supposed to bo an ex
pression of disgust with tho entire proceeding.
THE OLD PLEA
Ha "Didn't Know It Was Loaded."
Tho coffee drlnkor seldom realizes
hat coffoo contains tho drug, caffeine,
a sovero poison to tho heart and
norves, causing many forms of dls
caso, noticeably dyspopala.
"I was a lover of coffoo and used it
for many yenrB, and did not roallzo tho
bad effects I was suffering from Its
use. (Tea is Just na Injurious aa cot-
feo bocauso it, too, contains caffeine,
tho Bamo drug found In coffoo.)
"At flrat I wna troublod with indica
tion. I did not attributo tho trouble
to tho uso of coffoo, but thought it
aroao from othor causna. With thoso
attacks I had sick hoadacho, nausea
und vomiting. Finally my stomach
was In such a condition I could scarce
ly retain any food.
"I consulted a physician; waa told
nil my troubles camo from indlgoa
tlon, but was not Informed what
caused tho lndgestion. I Vopt on with
tho coffee, nnd kept on with tho trou
bles, too, nnd my enso tontlnued to
grow worso from ynr to year until 1
devolopod Into chronic rtlarrhoa, nau
Ben nnd eovcro attacks cf vomiting. 1
could keep nothing on my stomach and
becatua a niero ba4or, reduced from
1GD to 128 pounds
"A specialist Informed me I had
very sovero caso of cmtarrh of the
otonuch, which lnd rot so bad In
could do nothing for mo, and I became
convinced my days wore numbored.
"Then I chanced to poo an artlclo set
ting forth tho good qualities of Postum
nnd explaining how lottco Injured peo
ple bo I concluded to glvo Postum a
trial. I soon saw the good effects my
lioadachos wero loss frequent, nausea
and vomiting only came on nt long In
torvala nud I was booh a ohanged man,
feeling much bettor,
"Thon I thought I could stand coffo
ogaln, but as soon aa I tried It my old
troublos returned and I again turned
to Postum. Would you bellovo it, I
did this threo tlmea before-1 had sonsi
enough to quit coffee for good and
Jceop on with tho Poatum. I am now a
well man with, no moro hendnchos, slcb
Btomnch or vomiting, and havo nl
xoady gained back to 147 pounda."
Narao givon by Postum Co., Battle
Battlo Crepk, Mich.
Look In pkga. for tho famous little
book, "Tho Roa.d to Wellvjlle,"
Kvcr rend the akote letter? A ntn
one iWPrura from tlmo tq tltur. Titer
arc Kt'iiulnc, true, ami full of liuiuiui
interest.
Fat Juror Excused; Can't Keep Awake
quent tho legal train of thought was
wrecked by a peaceful sign or snore.
'Z-z-z, br-r-r-r-r, whow-ow-eww-ow!"
Tho lawyer usually becamo Indig
nant, and then tho kicking process had
to bo douo all over.
Matters reached a climax the other
day when White appealed to tho one
whom ho blnmcs for all his troublos
tho man who impaneled him ns n Juror
Municipal Judgo Walker.
"Jury service gives mo sleeping Blck
ness," ho said.
Thon ho mentioned his weight 310
pounds and tho fact that he is a
butcher and has spent most of his tlmo
for several months in the ico box of
his brother's mont market nt 26 South
Fifth avenue. Ho said ho Just couldn't
stand tho warm courtroom any longer.
"You see, only thin men and bums
nro meant for Jury service," said
White. "A man who spends most ot
his days In an ico box, or a heavy
weight who worked strenuously can't
stand thlB program of doing nothing.
TIiIb warm air Just makes a fellow
sleepy."
Ho was excused from further service.
CHICAGO. Only thin mon nnd
"bumB" aro meant for Jury sorvlco.
So reasons John W. Whlto, strenu
ous butcher and emulator of tho obe
sity propensities of tho lato "liaby"
Bliss.
Whlto struggled along for nearly a
week trying to bo n perfectly good
Juror in tho Municipal court, but ho
failed dismally, becauso ho couldn't
keop nwnko.
Bailiffs stood at his sldo and nudged
him lu the ribs. 'Twas llko trying to
tlcklo a rhinoceros. Then thoy kicked
his shliiB, pulled hla ears ami, grasp
ing firmly, Bhook him by tho shoulders.
Whlto would grin sleepily and try to
bent hla record ot tho first day, when
ho stayed nwako for ton minutes. But
somehow ho always slipped a cog.
Kach tlmo an ardent lawyer waxed olo-
yuVWUVVVVVVV'A'i'l'i'i '
Eats 360 Bananas in Month to Win Bet
CINCINNATI. "I'll win," said tho
mnn who was eating SCO bananas
on a ?10 hot "I'll win eaBlly."
And John Brecn sat down to his
fourteenth dozen of bananas on an un
dertaking to eat thirty dozen In thirty
days.
"I hnvo not lost my appetite cat
threo square meals a day and tho
bananas aro Just a llttlo dessert."
Tho wager wna mado several days
ago at a wake, when somo friends
were joking Hroon about his nppctlto.
He had remarked thnt ones no nud eat
en thrco dozen bananus lu thirty-live
minutes.
llrcen completed his feat tho night
of April 11, when ho topped off his
last dozen with llvo dozen boiled eggs
and two dozon raw oyBtors.
Every night Brcen would show up at
a restaurant and, after taking n couplo
of glasses ot milk, start on tho ba
nanas. Fifteen minutes 1b tho long
est tlmo ho took to finish n dozen. Tho
Onnanns raugo In bIzo from sovon to
nine inches, nnd woro selected.
j "I nm Just a hearty eat6r; I work
hHr-ttH day nud, like to oat," ho said.
Ho weighs 100 pounds and" Is six foot
IIUI 41
two inches In height. "Somehow I
never did got enough green peas. I
ato u gallon can of them ono day, and
then Btopped bocauso I was afraid
moro would hurt mo. I can eat a peck
of potatoes with a llttlo butter
sinonrod over them; and quail I could
eat four ot them every day forever.
Breon camo to Cincinnati six years
ago from Flemingburg, Ky. Ho 19 a
Cincinnati, Hamilton nnd Dayton
freight handler.
"John novor sooms to got enough to
cot," slghH Mrs. O'Meara, his mint. "At
supper ho oats half a dozen pota
toes, goodly poitlons of Btowed toma
toes, several laro pieces ot meat, a
few cups of coffoo-nnd half a loaf of
bread or. a similar .quantity of foods,
and then ho announces: Til Just go
down to two corner nnd oat thorn ba
nanas. "
$500.000,00
R EWA R D
Offered for the return of the great Red
Ruby known as
,v
Kkk Lv My k. mw JvHl
Flame
For particulars read the remarkable tale
i
of romance and adventure by
Lewis Joseph Vance
aunaaaaii
Which will start in this paper next week
in serial form. This is a story that critics
have ranked with Wilkie Collins' famous
novel "The Moonstone." It is full of
life and color, dash and go, thrills and
uuuuo.
nm
WATCH FOR. THE
OPENING CHAPTERS
Don't Miss An Installment
- r '?
You'll Like It
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