Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The North Platte semi-weekly tribune. (North Platte, Neb.) 1895-1922 | View Entire Issue (May 7, 1912)
IMM 1 rtfflJtV ' -'-"' JEALOUS. '; Hi? j' Rl?, irt IT E f-vc-g "My wlfo Ib awfully Jealous. "Is thnt ao?" "Yes; sho wouldn't speak to mo for thro days after I hugged that hunter." Missing tho Point. Hopresontatlvo Buckor of Colorado, apropos of a tariff argument about sugar, sad to a Washington corre spondent: "Oh, well, thoso m on don't neo my point. Thoy miss it as badly as the old lady mlBscd her son's. " 'Mother,' a young man said, look ing up from tho Dullotln, 'would you bellovo that It takeB 5,000 elophanta a year to mako our piano keys and billiard balla?' " 'Mako our piano keys and billiard balls!' cried tho old lady. 'Well, I nlways understood elephants wcro In telligent creaturos, but I novor know boforo that they'd been trained to mako piano keys and billiard balls.'" Tasha Lama of Mongolia Buys an Auto Caution. A commercial trnvclor at a railway restaurant in ono of our southern towns included in his order for break fast two boiled eggs. Tho old darkey who sorved him brought three. "Uncle," said tho travollng man, "why In the world did you bring mo thrco hollod eggs? I only ordered two." "Yes, sir," said tho old darkey, bow ing and smiling, "I know you did or der two, sir, but I brought thrco bo causo I jus' naturally folt dat ono oi dem might fall you, sir." Harper'i .Weekly SAN FRANCISCO. Tho Taaha Lnma, emperor of Mongolia and noxt to tho head of the Buddhist church, has novor taken a bath in his life, but ho rides about tho streets of Urga, on tho far sldo of tho Gobi desert, in tho fin est limousine that money can buy. Ethan U Lo Munyon of tho China American Trading company ntTlent sln, who delivered tho limousine at Urga, has arrived here on tho Nippon Marn. Tho car was taken by rail to tho edge of tho Gobi desert. It mado too big a packago to stow aboard n camel cart, so Lo Munyon filled up tho gas oline tank and made tho limousine do its own work for tho rest of tho trip. This involved a Journey of GSO miles across tho Gobi desert. As tho con- tract required tho car's delivery In good condition, and as tho roads were rough, Lo Munyon had to proceed with caution. Ho mado tho Journey in ten days, which was throo weeks faster than tho speediest camel train had. In the Dark. "Has that boy of yours who gradu ated from collogo last year found a JoV that suits him yet?" "Nope. Ho'a Btlll looking for ono." "Whero'a ho looking?" "Well, I don't Just know. Ho seomi to do most of his looking nights." They Draw Interest. i "A kiss," ho sold nftor JUBt having bad ono, "1b tho most precious thing, and yet women glvo them nwny." "You nro mistaken," sho said. "Wo never glvo them nway, we merely In vest thorn." Fun. over made It, so tho natives say. Although the lama pwns two pal aces ono for summer and tho other for wintor ho lives in a tent in tho yard of his winter palnce. From the cradlo to tho gravo n Mongolian of tho Iluddhist faith never takes n bath. He believes that if ho did ho would bo turned into a fish. Lo Munyon was received by the lama In his tent. IIo describes tho political head of Mongo lia as tho dirtiest human being ho ever saw, nnd this in a land whoso peo plo nro notorious ns tho most unwash ed In all tho world. "It was a great trip," said Lo Mun yon yesterday. "I do not want to de liver nny more packages in Mongolia. Tho natives are friendly and their hos pitnllty is something the victim never forgets. "Kach one carries a shallow wood en dish Insldo tho bosom of his shirt. If ho takes a fancy to you, nnd ho usu ally does, he digs out this dish, licks it out with his tongue, fills it with tea and invites you to drink. If you ob ject to the licking process, as somo foreigners do, ho will clenn It out with tho Bleevo of his coat. They make tea by boiling tea leaves and mutton fat together, nnd as tho mutton is usunlly rancid, tho combination Is calculated to mako a lasting impression on tho oc cidental palate." Tho Usual Way. "Tho doctors havo finally decided tvhat caused Smith's illness." "Had a consultation, eh?" "No; autopsy." Judgo. Easily. Howell Ho has a prosperous look. Powoll Yoa, you could toll at a glanco that ho was a slnglo man. Cat's Conduct is Up to City for Trial NEW YORK. Is Minnie, tho iellno favorlto of tho inmates of tho Inns much Homo for Aged Women, a roof ripping, gravel-scratching, hole-tearing, diabolical cxamplo of what n cat should not bo, or isMlnnlo a soft-purring, affectionate, fire-loving nnd milk seeking animal, worthy of all tho de votion that tho women of the homo nnd neighbors In tho block can glvo her? This la tho vital caso which Is bolng trlod In tho court of public opinion in the homo, In every drawing-room, in tho back yards and out the windows of Garfield place Alinnlo is charged In the Indictment brought by William A. Robblns In a complaint to tho health department, with having felinely, feloniously and with malice aforethought, ripped, torn, scratched and otherwise mado holes in a certain tin roof, situated Just over tho library of said complainant. Tho charges, separately and collectively, Mlnnio Indignantly denies through her friend, Mrs. Susan Lane, founder of tho homo. Tho Indictment describes tho roof ns being an extension roof, covered with gravel, Mlnnio Is accused of having scratched tho gravel off and having torn tho tin. . Tho defenso is not Insanity. Mln nio offers in evidence to rcfuto tho charge, four sots of perfectly blunt claws. The prosecution offers to prove by numerous witnesses that Mlnnio and another cat, "to tho deponent un known" a sort of Mary Doe cat can bo thoroughly Identified as tho leader in the band of feline vnndals. Tho neighborhood Is divided. The board of health has been drawn in nnd has Instructed Minnie, Mrs. Lane, act ing as interpreter, thnt sho must re main within the confines of hor own home. If she does not, the clvlhcourtB will tako tho ca3o from tho Court of Public Opinion of tho Garfield placo district. Minnie, upon being asked her opin ion of her ancestors nnd the caso In gonerah remarked "Melouw!" Sho then turned her back on tho -interviewer, which is supposed to bo an ex pression of disgust with tho entire proceeding. THE OLD PLEA Ha "Didn't Know It Was Loaded." Tho coffee drlnkor seldom realizes hat coffoo contains tho drug, caffeine, a sovero poison to tho heart and norves, causing many forms of dls caso, noticeably dyspopala. "I was a lover of coffoo and used it for many yenrB, and did not roallzo tho bad effects I was suffering from Its use. (Tea is Just na Injurious aa cot- feo bocauso it, too, contains caffeine, tho Bamo drug found In coffoo.) "At flrat I wna troublod with indica tion. I did not attributo tho trouble to tho uso of coffoo, but thought it aroao from othor causna. With thoso attacks I had sick hoadacho, nausea und vomiting. Finally my stomach was In such a condition I could scarce ly retain any food. "I consulted a physician; waa told nil my troubles camo from indlgoa tlon, but was not Informed what caused tho lndgestion. I Vopt on with tho coffee, nnd kept on with tho trou bles, too, nnd my enso tontlnued to grow worso from ynr to year until 1 devolopod Into chronic rtlarrhoa, nau Ben nnd eovcro attacks cf vomiting. 1 could keep nothing on my stomach and becatua a niero ba4or, reduced from 1GD to 128 pounds "A specialist Informed me I had very sovero caso of cmtarrh of the otonuch, which lnd rot so bad In could do nothing for mo, and I became convinced my days wore numbored. "Then I chanced to poo an artlclo set ting forth tho good qualities of Postum nnd explaining how lottco Injured peo ple bo I concluded to glvo Postum a trial. I soon saw the good effects my lioadachos wero loss frequent, nausea and vomiting only came on nt long In torvala nud I was booh a ohanged man, feeling much bettor, "Thon I thought I could stand coffo ogaln, but as soon aa I tried It my old troublos returned and I again turned to Postum. Would you bellovo it, I did this threo tlmea before-1 had sonsi enough to quit coffee for good and Jceop on with tho Poatum. I am now a well man with, no moro hendnchos, slcb Btomnch or vomiting, and havo nl xoady gained back to 147 pounda." Narao givon by Postum Co., Battle Battlo Crepk, Mich. Look In pkga. for tho famous little book, "Tho Roa.d to Wellvjlle," Kvcr rend the akote letter? A ntn one iWPrura from tlmo tq tltur. Titer arc Kt'iiulnc, true, ami full of liuiuiui interest. Fat Juror Excused; Can't Keep Awake quent tho legal train of thought was wrecked by a peaceful sign or snore. 'Z-z-z, br-r-r-r-r, whow-ow-eww-ow!" Tho lawyer usually becamo Indig nant, and then tho kicking process had to bo douo all over. Matters reached a climax the other day when White appealed to tho one whom ho blnmcs for all his troublos tho man who impaneled him ns n Juror Municipal Judgo Walker. "Jury service gives mo sleeping Blck ness," ho said. Thon ho mentioned his weight 310 pounds and tho fact that he is a butcher and has spent most of his tlmo for several months in the ico box of his brother's mont market nt 26 South Fifth avenue. Ho said ho Just couldn't stand tho warm courtroom any longer. "You see, only thin men and bums nro meant for Jury service," said White. "A man who spends most ot his days In an ico box, or a heavy weight who worked strenuously can't stand thlB program of doing nothing. TIiIb warm air Just makes a fellow sleepy." Ho was excused from further service. CHICAGO. Only thin mon nnd "bumB" aro meant for Jury sorvlco. So reasons John W. Whlto, strenu ous butcher and emulator of tho obe sity propensities of tho lato "liaby" Bliss. Whlto struggled along for nearly a week trying to bo n perfectly good Juror in tho Municipal court, but ho failed dismally, becauso ho couldn't keop nwnko. Bailiffs stood at his sldo and nudged him lu the ribs. 'Twas llko trying to tlcklo a rhinoceros. Then thoy kicked his shliiB, pulled hla ears ami, grasp ing firmly, Bhook him by tho shoulders. Whlto would grin sleepily and try to bent hla record ot tho first day, when ho stayed nwako for ton minutes. But somehow ho always slipped a cog. Kach tlmo an ardent lawyer waxed olo- yuVWUVVVVVVV'A'i'l'i'i ' Eats 360 Bananas in Month to Win Bet CINCINNATI. "I'll win," said tho mnn who was eating SCO bananas on a ?10 hot "I'll win eaBlly." And John Brecn sat down to his fourteenth dozen of bananas on an un dertaking to eat thirty dozen In thirty days. "I hnvo not lost my appetite cat threo square meals a day and tho bananas aro Just a llttlo dessert." Tho wager wna mado several days ago at a wake, when somo friends were joking Hroon about his nppctlto. He had remarked thnt ones no nud eat en thrco dozen bananus lu thirty-live minutes. llrcen completed his feat tho night of April 11, when ho topped off his last dozen with llvo dozen boiled eggs and two dozon raw oyBtors. Every night Brcen would show up at a restaurant and, after taking n couplo of glasses ot milk, start on tho ba nanas. Fifteen minutes 1b tho long est tlmo ho took to finish n dozen. Tho Onnanns raugo In bIzo from sovon to nine inches, nnd woro selected. j "I nm Just a hearty eat6r; I work hHr-ttH day nud, like to oat," ho said. Ho weighs 100 pounds and" Is six foot IIUI 41 two inches In height. "Somehow I never did got enough green peas. I ato u gallon can of them ono day, and then Btopped bocauso I was afraid moro would hurt mo. I can eat a peck of potatoes with a llttlo butter sinonrod over them; and quail I could eat four ot them every day forever. Breon camo to Cincinnati six years ago from Flemingburg, Ky. Ho 19 a Cincinnati, Hamilton nnd Dayton freight handler. "John novor sooms to got enough to cot," slghH Mrs. O'Meara, his mint. "At supper ho oats half a dozen pota toes, goodly poitlons of Btowed toma toes, several laro pieces ot meat, a few cups of coffoo-nnd half a loaf of bread or. a similar .quantity of foods, and then ho announces: Til Just go down to two corner nnd oat thorn ba nanas. " $500.000,00 R EWA R D Offered for the return of the great Red Ruby known as ,v Kkk Lv My k. mw JvHl Flame For particulars read the remarkable tale i of romance and adventure by Lewis Joseph Vance aunaaaaii Which will start in this paper next week in serial form. This is a story that critics have ranked with Wilkie Collins' famous novel "The Moonstone." It is full of life and color, dash and go, thrills and uuuuo. nm WATCH FOR. THE OPENING CHAPTERS Don't Miss An Installment - r '? You'll Like It HM MMiMMMM1nl1M1--MMB iMiaiMM MMW IIIBIIMii'i ii i V 41"
