w scon
TELLS IIS STORY
The English Antartic Explorer Had
Trying Experiences.
OARING WINTER OPERATIONS
Amundsen's Rivals In Race to South
Pole Had Several Miraculous
Escapes Thrilling Narrative
by Noted British Officer.
SPECIAL NOTICE: Cnpt. ltobcrt F.
Scott's nnrratlve of his explorations in
the anlartlo published below was Is
miod by thu New York Times company
as a book, duly entered for copyright
and publicly exposed for sale, tho same
being its tlist publication anywhere In
tho world. Its reproduction In this
newspaper Is of course duly authorized.
Its reproduction elsewhere in tho United
States In any form except by permission
from tho New York Times company Is
forbidden.
Copyright 1912 by the New York Times
company, (all rights reserved). Copy
righted In the United Kingdom by tho
' Central News, Limited., London. Heg
lstered In the Department of Agricul
ture. Copyright Uranch. Dominion of
Canada, by tho Central News Limited,
London.
Special Cable to Tho Now York Times.
Akaroa, Now Zealand, Tuesday,
April 2. Lieut. Pennell, commander
of the Terra Nova, of tho British
antarctic expedition of 1910, which
arrived here yesterday, brought with I
him a long and Intensely Interesting
' account of the work and experiences
of tho expedition up to January third
last, written expressly for tho New
York Times by Capt. Robert F. Scott,
the leader of tho expedition. Capt.
Bcott's story Is ns follows:
By Robert F. Scott.
Mncmurdo Sound, Oct. 30, 1011.
Shortly after tho departure of tho
Depot-Laying party from Capo Evans
on January 25, 1911 the sea Ice broko
at Sbuth Capo and severed communi
cations with the ship. The Depot
party consisting of 12 men, eight
CAPT. ROBERT F. SCOTT
Intrepid British explorer who headed
in expedition lh search of the south
pole.
ponies and two dog teams occupied
till January 30 in establishing a base
camp at tho Barrier seven miles east,
southeast of Hut Point.
On February 8th, we proceeded
south, marching by night and resting
by day. Tho weather was exception
ally bad but tho surface Improved.
Tho three weakest ponies were sent
back, but theso unfortunntoly were
caught In another bad blizzard and
two succumbed. With tho remaining
ponies and tho dogs wo reached lati
tude 70A degrees on tho lGth, when
I decided owing to tho condition of
tho weather and tho animals to mako
a depot hero and roturn. Wo loft
more than a ton of stores at this point
which wo named Ono Ton Camp and
which should be a great holp to us
this season. Wo then returned to our
Base Camp with dog teams.
At Baso camp I found every sin
gle pony well, and visiting Hut Point
I received news of tho Terra Nova
and Fram. On February 24, with men
on skis, and a single pony, I started to
tako more stores to Corner camp. On
tho outward journey wo passed re
turning points going well. Returning
from Coiner camp, I was held up by a
blizzard on tho 27th but reached Base
camp on tho 28th, I found tho storm
had been phenomenal at this placo,
raging for threo days and causing
enormous accumulation of snow
drifts. Shifts of wind had baffled all
efforts to shelter the ponies with snow
Church Trustee Did you occupy
your last pulpit with credit? Now
Rector Entlroly. Thero was never
any cash connected with it. Judge.
Friend Now, bb I understand it
you nnd I, instead of having unequal
wealth, ought to havo just tho samo
amount. Socialist Yes or that 1b
how much havo you got? Judge.
Tommy Pop, what Is retribution?
Tommy's Pop Retribution, my son,
is something wo aro always Huro will
ovortako othors. Philadelphia Record.
walls and tho nnlmals had suffered
very badly, so I decided to retiro to
Hut Point without delay.
A Close Call.
Thcro at 2 a. m on March 1, tho
tired condition of tho ponies obliged
tho party to camp at 4:30. Dowors,
awakened by a noise, found tho lco
broken nil around tho camp, and mov
ing with tho heavy swell. Ono pony
had disappeared from tho plckotlng
line and was not seen again. Hastily
packing their sledges, tho party decid
ed to try and work southwest over
tho packed Ice. With inilnlto dim
culty the sledges wore dragged, tho
ponies jumping from floe to iloo to
ward tho barrier. About noon tho
party neared the barrier but found
Us ice wall uncllmbablo and the swell
churning and hreaklnng heavy floes
ngalnst It. In this delemnia Crean
was allowed to attempt to obtain
help. Ho traveled east over tho mov
ing pack to And a break In tho lco
wall nml eventually hoisted himself
to the barrier surface by wedging his
ski stick In a crack.
More Ponies Lost.
On March 4 wo ascended hills cast
of.Castlo Rock, and on tho fifth the
party with tho two remaining ponies
and tho dog teams was safely housed
at Hut Point. By this Incident wo
lost three of our strongest ponies.
This was a severo blow to tho expe
dition, but not enough to wreck its
plans If tho remaining animals could
be preserved. Tho heavy swell
which caused this disaster broko
more than ten miles of sea Ice, largo
fragments from tho bnrrler, and two
miles of glacier tongue a feature
which had remained otherwise un
changed since discovery, In 1902. Tho i
Hut was found almost completely Ail
ed with hard snow, tho windows
broken and the door unhinged. With
much labor wo cleared and repaired
It. It then afforded good shelter.
Preparing For the Winter.
On March 17 Lieutenant Evans led
a party to Corner Camp, completing
tho depot arrangements for the com
ing season. The temperature at tho
barrier hud already fallen to minus
40 degrees. Throughout the month
ico continually formed over the sea
but the strong winds quickly drove it
out. After March 25 tho Ice remain
ed fast In tho sheltered bays but
continued to drive out of tho sound.,
Hugo land ico falls on the southwest
slopes of Mount Erebus prevented any
possibility of returning to Capo Evans
by land, but with the freezing of tho
bays I decided to mako an attempt
to reach tho station, partly by land
and partly by sea ico. With eight
companions I started, on April 11, and
although caught by a storm on sea
Ice, we reached Capo Evans early on
tho 13th. We found tho station,
which had been left in Simpson's
charge, in excellent order, and ar
rangements for comfort remarkably
perfect.
On April 17 I returned to Hut Point
with a fresh sledgo party carrying
supplies and stores. As it was im
possible for animals to travel on the
route taken, I left Meares and five
others in charge of those at Hut Point
and again returned to Capo Evans on
April 30. Sea ico continued to drlvo
out of sounds until tho first week in
May. It was not until May 13, threo
weeks after tho sun had gone that
tho men and animals left Hut Point
and safely returned to tho main sta
tion. The sound froze solid In May
and later in winter packed ico ox
tended to an unprecedented distance
northward, despite numerous gales.
After tho return from tho absentees
wo settled down very comfortably
in our winter hut, its arrangements
for lighting, heating, cooking and
ventilation proved eminently satisfac
tory Behind a land ridge on tho slopes of
Mount Terror, tho party spent three
days building a stone hut on which
thoy roofed with canvas from this
camp. Tho men had great difficulty
in crossing tho huge barrier pressuro
ridges in tho dim noon twilight to
reach tho rookery. Thoy were suc
cessful at a second attempt. They
found comparatively few blrdB at tho
rookery, but theso had begun to lay
even nt this early date. Fortunately
some eggs at different stages of do
velopmcnt were secured which should
glvo considerable Information con
cerning tho embryology of this inter
esting bird. Tho same night a violent
galo commenced and the ridge proved
inadequate shelter from tho hurri
cane gusts which whirled down on
tho hut. A tent and other carefully
secured articles were blown away, and
after straining for 14 hours tho roof
of tho hut fiew to ribbons. For 30
hours more tho travelers were con
fined In their frozen sleeping beds
half burled beneath snow and rock
debris.
Tho state of their equipment now
forced them to turn homeward, on
tho return Journoy thoy were hold for
two days by another storm after
which tho temporaturo fell and re
mained below minus GO degrees. Tho
party returned after five days absence
Incased In Ico and suffering from
want of sleep but otherwise well.
First Antarctic Telephone Line.
At tho end of tho month tolophono
communication was established with
The First Thing to Serlke Him.
Mrs. PorklnsJoBh, now that you'vo
seen tho groat oightB In New York
City, whnt's tho first thing that'd nat
urally Btriko n visitor from up-stato?
Mr. Perkins Ono o' thorn spoodln' au
tomobiles. LIppIncott's Magazlno.
Needed All He Could Get.
Mr. Flubdub You womon aro
mighty slow. During tho tlmo it took
you to select that hat I went out nnd
made two hundred dollars. Mrs. Flub
dubI'm so glad, dear. You'll noed
it. Puck.
Hut Tolnt through 15 mllos of bare
wire. This telephone has nlrendy
proved extremely usoful for reporting
tho movement of parties, pending
chnnges of weather.
Start Delayed to Cave Ponies.
All plans and preparations for the
southern Journoy nro now complete
and dcsplto tho accldont of last sea
son wo have great hopo of success.
Tho necessity of getting tho utmost
out of our remaining ponies has de
cided mo not to exposo them to groat
cold. Wo shall thereforo start later
than ordinarily Intended.
November 21, latltudo 81.15 S We
left Hut Point on the ovo of Novem
ber 2, having decided to march by
night and rest during the day to give
tho ponies tho benefit of warm day
temperatures. Wo reached Corner
Camp this morning. Traveling qoitth
for CO miles wo followed tho tr.icKs
of tho motors, then wo found tho ma
chines abandoned. Tho party had
proceeded onwnnl as directed, wpio
delayed by a blizzard on tho clglth,
but reached Ono Ton Camp on tho
morning of tho 16th. Tho dog loams
had caught us up soma days earlier
and the whole party proceeded in
company. A days rest was given tho
animals at Ono Ton Cnmp which wo
left on tho 17th. Having regard to
tho weight of tho londs, the heavy
surfaces and limited number of 'i
mals, I decided" to march 15 miles
only every night this distance has
has been maintained on bright nights
and so far as we can forsoo, it should
bo continued.
Tho ponies nro going very stoadlly
and keoplng In condition remarkably
well. Tho first pony has been shot
for expediency but could have trav
elled further. Tho animals have .ten
pounds of oats and three pounds of
oil cake dally. Wo aro hopeful of
getting the men's food supply to tho
glacier, according to program, without
great difficulty but shall be a day or
two later than anticipated. Wo found
tho motor party waiting nt latltudo
S0V6. Two of their number now
leavo us. Tho sole cause of tho aban
donment of tho motors was tho over
heating of tho air cooled engines.
December 10, latltudo S3 degreos 15
minutes. After tho return of the
motor party from latltudo 81 degrees
15 minutes wo pushed steadily south
hopeful for better weather conditions.
A second pony was destroyed at lati
tude S2 degrees 10 minutes. A third
at latltudo 82 degrees 45 minutes and
two more near tho S3rd parallel. Nono
of theso animals were exhausted but
wcro sacrificed on account of light
ening loads and as food for dogs.
As wo approached tho weather grow
worse, snow storms were frequent,
the sky continually overcast and
land very rarely visible.
Close to the Pole.
January 3, 1912, latltudo 87.32,
height 9,800 feet. After leaving tho
upper glacier depot, south of Mtiunt
Darwin, I steered southwest two
days. This did not keep us clear of
pressure ridges and crevasses which
occurred frequently at first and gave
us trouble, but we roso rapidly In alti
tude. Probably tho difficult places
wero more snowcovorod than further
eastward. The adopting of this courso
was mainly felt on tho third and
fourth days when owing to our altl
tudo wo got a splendid view of tho
distribution of the land masses trlng
Ing tho lco sheet and tho arm of ico
falls. Sinco leaving tho depot our
marches have averaged over fifteen
statute miles a day. On Christmas
day we wero close up to tho 8Gth
parallol and tho prospect of Christ
mas faro gave us an excellent march
seventeen miles but tho effect was
not so happy tho following day. Tho
surface grow moro difficult as wo
approached tho 87th parallol. On
Now Year's eve, in latltudo SG do
grees, 5U minutes, we dopoted thero
a limit of provisions and rebuilt our
sledges "with now short runners,
which remarkable piece of work was
performed by tho seamen of tho
party under adverse conditions. Al
though It cost us nearly a day's
march, tho chango amply repaid us.
Wo havo been able to keep up our
average and wo aro now within 150
miles of tho polo.
Five Going On to the Pole.
I am going forward with a party
of five men sending threo back under
Lieutenant Evans with this noto.
Tho advance party goes forward
with a month's provisions and the
prospects of success good, providing
the weather holds and no unforseen
obstacles arlso. It has been very
difficult to choose tho advanco party,
as overyouo was fit and ablo to go
forward. Those who returned aro
naturally much disappointed. Every
one has worked his hardest. Tho
weather on tho plateau has been good
on tho whole. Tho sun has never do
sorted us, but tho temperatures aro
low now, about minus 20 dogrces, and
tho wind pretty constant, Howovor,
wo aro excellently equipped for such
conditions and tho wind undoubtedly
Improves tho surface so far all ar
rangements havo worked out most
satisfactorily. It is more than prob
able that no further news will ho
received from us this year, as our ro
turn must necessarily bo lato.
ROBERT F. SCOTT.
, Her Daughter Her Teacher.
Patterson Notice how Carstnlr's
wlfo makos up of lato? Should think
ho would atop her. Hnttorson Has
tiled to; fools badjy about It. But
ho says it's no uso; Bho learned it
from her daughter. Life.
Would Take No Chances.
Lawyor (to tho Judgo)--Would it bo
contompt of court to call your honor
n crook and a thief? Judgo It cor
talnl" would bo. Lawyer Then I
won't 'ako tho chance, your honor
Satire.
II OFAJfANDAL
Abuse of Statesmen Chalked on
the Capitol.
LEVI P. M0RT0JY COMING BACK
Report That He Will "Improve" His
Beautiful Rhode Island Avenue
House Alarms tho Lovers
of Boauty.
By GEORGE CLINTON.
Washington. Somo ono with a
grlovnnco or with an unbalanced mind
has been scribbling on tho walls of
tho capltol in "a largo, freo hand"
with bluo chalk vnrlous uncomplimen
tary comments tnbout great and nl
most great statesmen doing their
country's service in Washington. No
matter what tho motlvo which in
spires tho scribbling, tho net is ono
of a vandal becauso it disflguroB tho
walls of the building, and tho pollco
and tho wntchincn aro trying to catch
tho culpriL
It will bo remembered that not long
ago a largo piece was cut out of the
oil painting of "Perry at Lake, Erie."
Sinco then a special watch has been
kept to prevent repetitions of tho van
dalism. False Alarm About Webster.
Washington was much disturbed a
day or two ngo when It henrd that
somebody with a chisel had chipped
pieces out of tho marblo trousers and
tho marblo coattall of the statuo of
Daniel Webster which stands in
Statuary hall. A cIobo inspection has
led to tn0 discovery that tho Webster
memorlnl has not been Injured by tho
hand of man. Elliott Woods, tho su
perintendent of tho capltol, says that
tho holes which wero discovered In
tho Webster Btntuo wero put thcro by
the sculptor and havo been plainly vis
ible over since tho statuo was erected.
Somo ono suggested that the vandal
Who was at work was a now kind of
moth which had developed an appe
tite for marblo garments.
Former Vice-President Levi P. Mor
ton has made up his mind to como
back and live in tho capital for eight
or nlno months a year for tho rest of
his life. Ho owns a beautiful resi
dence on Rhode Island avenue, whero
ho lived when ho wns vice-president
of tho United States under Harrison.
When Mr. Morton went out of office
Jho Russian ambassador moved into
tho residence and, following him, came
Secretary of State Ellhu Root, nnd
then John HayB Hammond. Mr. Mor
ton himself lived thcro for a few
mouths two years ago.
Morton Mansion In Peril.
There Is a flno arts commission
ivhich is supposed to tako cognizance
of every'attempt to increnso tho benu
ly of tho capital, a cognizanco which
embraces tho overlooking of Improve
ments in public buildings. Tho wish
has been expressed that tho commis
sion might extend its esplonngo to
private dwellings, for som,o of the
beautiful old places in Washington
havo been remodeled by their socially
ambitious purchasers into more resi
dence monstrosities, In many cbbcs
glaring and in most cases unbeautiful.
It is understood that Vice-President
Morton intends to spend $G0,000
to improve his Rhode Island avenue
home. Today it is beautiful as it is,
a warm red brick pleasing to look
upon nnd suggestive in every way of
comfort. It is now snid that It is in
tended to give tho house a moro state
ly appearance by tho Introduction of
white marblo in places. The old
house has been a comfort to tho oyo
of many a Wnshlngtonlnn man nnd
visitors, nnd tho changes aro awaited
with trepidation.
Children's Playground Lost.
Washington, with all her monuments
nnd statues, good, bad and indifferent,
and all her vacant land, still hn$ not
spneo left in which to erect public me
morlals, nnd it ought to bo said also
that projects moro negessary to tho
public health than marblo statues, Ilko
playgrounds for tho children, cannot
bo thought of apparently becauso of
lack of room.
For two years by means of prlvnto
subscriptions, for example, a little
grovo at tho corner of Fourteenth
street nnd Columbln road has been
used ns a playground nnd fitted up
for tho children. It was covered with
oak trees of priceless value, as far as
their shado qualities aro concerned,
nnd was ono of tho most pieturesquo
spots In the city. It la In the heart
of a thickly settled district, whero It
Is a cruelty to keep children within
doors nnd a continual danger to let
them out on tho streefs.
Nevertheless congress, which would
spend $75,000 for a Federal building
in a town of 281 Inhabitants, neg
nected to securo this breathing space.
Tho magnificent oak trees nro being
cut down, and whero last surnmor tho
placo waB alive with children, a fam
ily hotel will stand.
Many Monuments Projected.
Should congress bo In a giving
mood toward tho shades of tho do
parted, it Is a question whoro suit
able bRch for memorials could bo ob
tained. Tho demand for space Ib In
sistent, nnd tho scnato commltteo on
library has record of no less than
eight rcquosts. whllo the houso com
mltteo doubtless has ns many moro.
A bill npproprlntlng $100,000 for a
statuo of Aloxandor Hamilton already
hnB pnsBOd tho sennte.
Tho Bum of $50,000 Is wanted for a
statuo to Mntthow Fontnlno Maury,
tho Amorlcan navnl officer whoso
scientific work descriptive of tho sen
Ib among tho classics. A memorial to
tho Blgners of tho Declaration of In
dependence is asked for, with an ap
propriation of $10,000 for plans atone.
The sum of $1,500 Is BUggcBtcd for a
small atatuo to Capt Charles Wilkes,
who Is chlofly celebrated in popular
recollection for taking Mason nnd
Slidell,, tlio Confedornto commission
ers, from tho British mall steamer
Trent In 1SC1. Tho United States
government did not back up Cnptnlu
Wilkes in his act of taking tho Con
federate commissioners off tho Brit
ish vossol. In fact, nearly all dlplo
mnts thought, and think todny, that
Wilkes acted without proper authority
under International law nn.I that tho
Confederate and tho British govern
ments had a perfect right to protest,
and that tho United Stntes authori
ties could do nothing olso than to dis
avow tho naval officer's net.
Admirers of Mnjor Andrew S. Ho
wnn, U. S. A., who Is still living, hnvo
put in a bill appropriating $5,000 for
somo tnomorlnl of his famous exploit
In 1S9S, when ho was Bent by Presi
dent McKlnloy to Cuba to communi
cate with General Garcia, tho loader
of tho Cuban rovolutlon. Ho mado n
landing from nn open boat near Tur
qulno Peak and with much difficulty
succeeded In ronchlng Garcia.
Mann Is Friend of Poultry.
Representative Mann of Illinois,
who Ib tho loader of tho Ropubllcnn
minority on tho floor of tho house,
hns Introduced a bill to rcqulro all
common carriers engaged In Intor
stnto commerco to provldo food nnd
water for poultry In trnnslt, nnd to
prevent suffering from over-crowding
by providing crates of sufficient slzo
to bo humnno and to bo open on nt
least threo Bides so that proper vontl
Intlon may bo nssurod.
Congress hns acted before this on
behalf of cattlo in transit and now It
Is proposed to extond tho hunrano
effort to chlckons. Ono congressman
said that becauso chickens woro
foathcrs It wns supposed that thoy
wcro not susceptiblo to cold. Ho
added, howovor, that feathers, whllo
warm, did not provldo food nnd drink.
The bill has gono to tho proper com
mltteo and thero Is a fair chanco of
its passngo.
Houso "Babies" Have Frolic.
At ono of tho Washington res
taurants tho other night thero was
a frolic of tho "babies" of tho
houso of representatives. Mon to
tho number of ono hundred serving
their first terms in congress gathered
for a dinner nt tho restaurant They
formed a houso of represcntntlvcB of
their 'own nnd passed tho tlmo mak
ing fun of tho methods of their older
colleagues and tho personalities of
somo of their own number. In tho
main, howovor, thoy "pointed with
prido" to themselves as tho real
Btatesmon nnd referred to mombors of
longer servlco as bolng entirely out
of date and belonging in tho pigeon
holes with tho archives rather than
on tho floor of tho houso with tho
"llvo ones."
No party lines woro drawn nt this
gathering. Ropubllcnn nnd Democrat
ic babies had fun togethor. Tho tar
iff came in for a bit of by-play.
Protective Duty on Cats.
A high protective duty was put on
cats in order to protect 'tho homo
industry. Every follno, whether a
wild-oat a polecat or a domestic cat
Imported Into tho United StatoB or
its Island possessions, It was decid
ed, must horenfter pay $1 n head in
order to bo admitted to full Amorlcan
citizenship. As a rider to this bill
catnip wns placed on tho froo list.
. A prlzo wan offered to tho member
who could mako tho most stirring ora
tion on tho Amorlcan flag. Repre
sentative Littloton wns chosen ns
Judgo, but tho oratorical HightB or
Representative Connell of Now York
nnd Wlthorspoon of Mississippi woro
fo nearly equal In grace and dlstnnco
that tho Judgo gavo each tho first
prize.
Tho scnato galleries broko out Into
npplauso tho other day when tho
nnmo of Thcodoro Roosovolt was
mentioned. Tho sonnto gallory has
applauded at times tho nnmos of Wil
liam Jennings Bryan and of mnny
other well-known Amorlcnns without
regard to political pnrty, but It must
bo understood that It Is ngalnst tho
rules of tho senate to allow applnuso
In tho gallery.
Mustn't Applaud In Senate.
It makes no difference who it is
that is receiving tho applause, tho
vice-president must bring down his
gavol whllo tho noise is continuing
and say with all duo solemlty nnd
severity that all demonstrations or up.
provnl aro not nllowcd nnd that If
they do not ceaso "tho gallerlos will
bo cloared."
This word from tho vlco-presldent
has been said thousands of times In
tho scnato nnd Its effect hns never
boon vlslblo for moro than an hour nt
a tlmo. It Is only rarely that tho
sonators themselves laugh and It Is
only once In n lifetime that they ap
plaud. Tho enses whero senators havo
broken tho npplauso rulo can ho count
ed on half tho fingers of ono hnnd.
Tho scnato, howovor, has Its Jokes
frequently and whllo laughter Is sub
dued, broad smiles aro always In evi
dence. When Sonntor Jonnthan P. Dolllvor,
now dead, referred to Senator Fran
cis E Warren of Wyoming nn "the
greatost shepherd sinco Abraham,"
tho brondest of broad smiles was visi
ble on tho fuco of ovory senator. The
wool bill waB undor discussion nnd
Mr. Warren is snid to bo tho proprie
tor of a considerable fold.
An Idle Question.
"I bpo whoro mnrrlngo clubs are
qtilto populnr in Utah."
"Ahom! Anything llko a rolling
pin?"
On tho Safe Side.
"I tako things as 1 find them."
'Then I'll seo that you don't find
much."
t?&e
Oalookk
WIU3"UR D.-NESBIT
aaaeSBa:
f I
Editor UJi
(It Is reported that Dr. ir. B. Wlioy will
becomo u magazine editor.)
Tho poet sent to Wlloy a llttlo bunch or
rhymo;
Ct enmo back to tho poet in just a llttlo
time.
"Your verse," wroto Doctor Wiley, "wo
really cannot use.
TIs not tho mental foodstuff that wo
deslro to chooso.
STou bubble of tho springtime, of treading
o'er tho grass,
Of blossotnH that alluro you as on your
way you pass.
Vou do not list tho blossoms and so your
rhymo wo table
All contents must bo printed completely
on tho label.
Wo might consider somothlng which told
of the fond relation
Of hydrogen for oxygen In proper com
bination." rho novelist sent Wlloy an Uplift manu
script; The story to tho wrltor Doe. Wiley
promptly shipped.
"Your story," ho decided, "won't do nt
nil for us.
Vou havo a chapter tolling why things
nro thus and thus,
t find you nro deceiving In your romantic
scene
Vou flavor all your speeches with deadly
sncclmrlne,
Your heroine lias ringlets described as
gleaming gold, I
Which indicates that motal In somo dls-
gulso they hold.
Wo might look ut a Btory which told how
his sweetheart fed him
Until sho got him strong and well, then
to tho altar led htm."
-
Tho Jokcsmith sent Doc. Wlloy a bunch
of llttlo jests;
riio Editor them gavo them his custo
mary tests,
tin sent them bnck, explaining: "Theso
Jokes nro well preserved,
Rut somo of them got Noah bewildered
nnd unnerved.
They're not of this year's harvest; In
each of them Is pent
Of benzoate of soda one-tenth of ono por
cent,
fn some, too, I discover moro than a
gram by weight
Of that most hurmful acid known as
salicylate,
t might look at somo Jokes, though, If
you would caro to forage
For themes somewhere than In n spot
whero humor's In cold storage."
DISILLUSIONED.
Tho fair young brido weeps bit
terly. "Wo wo havo had our first qua
quarrel !" sho sobs.
"Well, don't bo so broken-hearted,"
advises tho othor woman. "Qunrrohf
novor amount to much."
"But ours wasn't half as funny na
I had supposed it would bo, after all
tho Jokes 1 havo read about first quar
rels." Followed Instructions.
"What is this?" asks tho fond hus
band, holding up a garment that has
Just been delivered to his wlfo.
"Part of my summer wardrobe," re
plies tho obedient wlfo.
"I supposo It is; but wat is it? A
collar?" ho nsks.
"Why, no, you gooso! It's my bath
ing dress."
"Your bathing dress? As short as
that?"
"Yes, dear. You know you told mo
business hud bcon poor nnd I must
oconomlzo on ovorything."
One Blessing.
"Thoro'B ono blessing about pov
erty," says tho poorly-clad philosopher.
"Namo it," demands the agitator.
"Why, a mnn doesn't havo to hlro a
wholo lot of exponalvo lawyera to
show him how to atny poor."
leu
fi '! A-Jiiilf '
