BETZVUXE TALES CoL Randolph Phipps and the Ostrich By Elfls Parker Builofl 3 Atdhor oPTPids is Pids Eic SS ILLUSTRATED By Last September, when tho. rainy season began In Botzvlllo, the World Uenowned Hoggins' Three ning 8hows struck town, and they wore already In pretty bad shape, tho sheriffs along the llho having reduced them to about nno ring and r slxteonth, and when thoy tamo to pay tho bill of the Botz vlllo Nowa for advertising, things looked black. So Orlcy Glbbs, the ed (tor got out an attachment and lor eyed !on the show, but It was worse than he had thought it would bo, and he had to lake tho ostrich. It wan lthor that or tho hyena, and tho os trich seamed moro In an editor's lino than a hyena. An ostrich often lunches on old sdrap iron, nnd an ed itor often comes mighty near having to do the Rnmo thing in Detzvllle. Dut when Orlcy had tho ostrich ho was bothered. A bird that cats scrap iron looks nt first glance ltko an rconomlcul bird, but scrap iron com mands a regular market prico in Detz vllle, nnd tho only scrap Iron Orlcy iind was his printing press. And that preBR was such a disreputable lot of old Junk that even tho ostrich would not eat It. So Orlcy fed it lightly on printing type, beginning with tho x's, for, ho. used them less than tho o's or I'n. but ha saw ho would- havo to got rid of the bird soon. or leavo out. his Just at the Corner of Main and Cross ocal column entirely. So Instead of aavlng tho bird ruin tho News Orloy thought of a way to havo it boost it. There was a grand rdsh III Botzvlllo when it became known that Orlcy, was offering the ostrich as h prize to the person turning in tho most nqw sub scriptions to tho News, nnd Uncle Clootz secured ono subscriber, nnd Orono McDooblo noarly secured ono, hut that one got away. When tho contest ended it was found that ft Mood: i V Undo1) 1 Cousin' Orone 0 Other distinguished citizens 0 Wives of same 0 Others 0 Colonel Randolph Phipps 2 It was learned later that Col. Phipps hired his two subscribers to subscribe but this was unknown nt tho time, and only goes- to show how unscrupulous he w'ns. Ho said later that If neces sary ho would hnvo gone so far as to hire another subscriber, ho wanted tho ostrich so badly. Col. Phipps was a leading raiser of Shanghnl chickens In our county, nnd ho figured that if ho took that long legged ostrich and tied it near his coop It would net ns n stirring Incentive to his Shang hals(l nnd fill them with a dcslro to emulate tho ostrleh In long legged ness. He said .that ho thought that if bo could produro a Shanghai fowl, with body or tho ordinary size and legs as long an an ostrich's Ieg3 ho would bo rid, onco nnd for nil, of tho trouble of ruts eating tho new-lntd eggs, for be could build nests In tho trees, and his hens could easily stand on tho tround and lny eggs In the nests. But the- first thing ho had to do was to fatten tho ostrich, for it was pretty thin. Probably there never was -4ch a thin ostrich. It was so thin that the roots of the feathers pn its loft sldo rubbed against tho 'oots of the feathers oo its right side, ind you had to look at it side-view to tea It at oil So Col Phipps sent PETER NEWELL down for n couplo of kegs of nails and tho ostrich gobbled them down, and looked around for more. So the Col onel sont down to tho store for mora 'nails, and ho kept feeding nails to tho ostrich until tho hnrdwaro mad said that he had reached his credit limit. Hy that tlmo tho ostrich was well filled with nails. Ho contained eight pennies, and ton-ponnics, and some 'screws, and five pounds of spikes, and !n keg of shingle nails, and tho colonol began to bo afraid tho ostrich was over-eating, but tho ostrich did not think so. lietweon meals it walked up nnd down tho sldownlk boforo tho colonel's houso and nto tho nails out of tho sidewalk. Whenever It saw tho hardware wagon approaching it would gallop gayly down tho street to meet It, uttering llttlo squawks of Joy. Hut Inst Thursday when tho hard ware delivery wagon approached tho colonel's rcsldcnco tho ostrich mado a sad mistake. It had dashed out Into tho road as usual and poked Its head into tho wagon while tho delivery boy was unloading tho nails, and It saw a likely looking tld-blt and swal lowed It. It hnpponed to bo n box ot fifty 44 cftllbro cartridges Intended for Sim Perkins, nnd the delivery boy missed them nnd reached for tho rail road spike bo always kept on the Streets the Bird Began to Shoot. wagon scat to tap the ostrich on tha hend with when It becamo too friend ly, but the splko was gono! The do livery boy Immediately called for the colonel and demanded tho cartridges nnfl tho big spike, but tho polonol was bothered nbout something else just then, for tho- ostrich hnd tho hlo coughs. Probnbly It had over eaten. Tho colonel did not care whethei It had over-eaten or not. What h cared about wus thnt thero was a box of 14s Insldo that bird, and a sharp pointed splko with theni, nnd that ev ery hlc-cough must bo Jerking the sharp point ot the splko around among thoso cartridges, like tho hammer ot n pistol, nnd that the nffectlonatt bird was aimed directly at him. Any minute ono of those 44b might go oft and kill tho colonel, and the colonol knew It. Ho was far from happy In the affection of that ostrich, but tho bird loved him and longed to show It, Colonel Phipps went down tho road at full run, and tho ostrich followed closely at a hlc-coughy trot. Just nt ! the corner of Mnln and Cross street tho bird began to shoot. For an In stant it exhibited u wild surprise, but the moment aftor it had no time to ex hibit anything. It was exploding 44s with tho rapidity of a gatllng gun. Of course thero woro only fifty cartridges In tho box, bo tho ostrlph did not shoot long, but It shot well. For a caroless, unalmed ostrich, firing wild, it was beyond reproach. It shot the colonel eight times out of a possible fifty, and with Its last, expiring throb It sent a bullet right Into tho saw-dust filled Imitation ham in the butcher-shop wjndow, and to-morrow at ono p, m. tho ham and tho colonel will be burled. Copyrleht, 1. by W. a. Chapman.) World's Wealthiest Nations. The three wealthiest nations: Unit ed Stales, $110,000,000,000 Great Britain nnd Ireland, $02,200,000,000; Franco, $12,800,000,000, Tho nvcnige yield of wood an acre of forests was ralsd in Gerrranv from 2 cuble feet lu 1S30 to 75 cubic feet In 190S. HE KNEW HIS FACTS "John," bTio aald, "I will bo a sister to .you. but" . , . "So It's a throwdown, eh?" asked tho young, roan with lite rosebud, In bis buttonhole, .',., !'-., "Yes," sho admitted, frowning. "If you want to talk about it that way, I nupposo it is." "All right," ho said, "don't got warm. Walt, n hit," He arose to his feet and consulted n slip of paper which ho took from his pocket. Immediately thereafter ho throw his shoulders back, shot his cuffs and mndo a comprehcnslvo gesture. "Madam," said he, "are you awnrq that according to the last government census there was, In the stato of Now York, an oxcess of 65,000 fe males? Do you know lhat If every slnglo mnlo was married " "to-morrow" thorn would bo 65,000 females left overt Wero you aware of this?" Sho tapped her llttlo foot upon tho carpet, but nnswerod him not. "And you, madam!" ho cried, wig gling IiIh index finger at her, "What guarantee hnvo you that you would not be ono of tho 65,000?" Sho sniffed tho air, but that was nil. "Madam I " ho continued, "Aro you nwnro that "whon a wonlau bus reached the ago of 25 her chances of matrimony grow less and Icbs each year until they dlsnppenr altogether? Did you know this?" He pointed his finger at her again. "And you, madam!" ho cried. "Whnt ground havo you for supposing that your chances nro hotter than those of tho girl next door or the girl across tho street?" "Twenty-flvo, eh?" sho nsked. "Yes, '251' " ho said, eyeing hor Btornly. "Twenty-flvo, eh?" sho sniffed. With nn Impatient movement ho re turned to his orntorlcal manner. "Do you know," said he, "that on nccount of the unprecedented rise In rents, food and clothing, the number of marriages Is falling off dally? Thnt every day a woman's chance of mat rimony grows distinctly less, to sny nothing of tho decrease in her chances on nccount of tho Increase In her ago? Have you been, advised of this?" .Ho pointed his inexorable finger at her rf'nd cried "And you, madam! What right havo you to supposo that you nro an exception to tho rule?" Sho triod to pass it off with n laugh, but nevertheless sho bnttcd her eycB in a thoughtful manner. ' "Do you regard an honorable pro posal of marriage ns an o very-day oc- currenqo?" bo declaimed. "Do you know that thorc aro thousands of old maids In this broad land to-day, lonely and In despair, each of whom would give ten years of, her life .to, recall her light refusal of the first nnd only proposnl she over received?". Ho folded his. hands behind him nnd leaned forward. Impressively. "And youf"" ho solemnly ox clnlmcd., "Could you make oath that you will ever recelvo another proposal of marriage?" Ho straightened hlmsolf with nn abrupt motion nnd shot his cuffs again. "Do you know," ho demanded, "that thero aro moro than 1,000,000 old maids In these United States and that tho number Is Increasing every Any? Ah, think of them! Think of them with pity!" Ho lenned forward again Impres sively, almost tenderly. "Whnt girl knows." ho whispered, "but that sho will bo one of these millions? Do you?" Was it a tear that glistened In her eye?" "Do you know," ho continued with n gentle mourfulneso, "that tho num ber of old ladles' homos Is Increasing in geometrical progression? That every day, every hour, lonely spinsters aro obliged to sock tho rofugo ofTored by theso fast-growing Institutions?" Ho sat down beside her. "Mary," he whispered, "aro you nwaro that tho averago adult malo's Income Is less thnn nlno dollars n week that I am getting $4.0. Don't cry, little girl! It's nil right. I I'll havo you." And when roqther, wondering nt tho sllenco, looked in a few minutes later ho was monsurlng her for tho rlg In a lordly sort of way. No Entrance Thero. There is one door In tho big stnto War and Navy building which Is sa' cred to tho presence ot ono cnblnet officer. Ho nlono gets in. and out of It; evory othor porson connected with tho United States navy or with tho government of tho United Stntes. has to go around. Tho door lends into tho office of Socrotnry of tho Navy Moyor. Ho enters through it and leaves by it, but aH othor times it remains locked. Ono clay Mrs. Moyer visited tho de partment. Sho was in n hurry, and oe soon as sho reached tho corridor lo front of her husband's offlco she bonded for tho sacred door. Mrs. Meyer tried tho door: alio twisted tho knob, and then knocked. Sho knocked again. The answer enmo f?om Private Secretary Taylor's door iu tho form of a big colored messen ger. Ho spoke to Mrs. Moyer, and alio followed him through the circuitous path which leads to her husband's desk. Fitt sen minutes later tbo came out; this tlmo Bho used tbo private door of Secretary of tho Navy Moyer TO BOY OR BUTGHEB CAN NEE1RA8KA SAVE MONEY BY LATTER METHOD. II QUESTQffToR SDLUIIQN Report of the State Agricultural Ex periment Stations. Other Mat ters at the Stato Capital. Is it cheaper for tho stato to do its own butchering thnn to buy of tho packing houses is n question Land Commlslonor Cowlos Is trying to solve. Fgures bearing upon the nn Bwer to this question woro brought to Mr. Cowlos by II. F. Bishop', stownrd of tho nsylnin nt Lincoln. During tho fourth quarter of 1900 tho stato pur chased for tho' institution fifty beef cows, which furnished 24,625 pounds of beef, 197 pounds of hearts, 531 pounds of llvor, 131 pounds of tongues, 107 pounds or tails, 585 pounds of tallow hnd scraps. Tho cows cost $1,800. Tho hides from those cows brought $400 nnd tho five items nsldo from bcof woro worth $70; bo tho nctunl coat of tho 24,625 pounds of bcof was $1,380 or $5.64 per hun dred. Bids for beef carcasses w6ro not Invited for this institution, but nt Norfolk tho contract prlco Was $5.94 nnd nt the Soldiers.' Homo at Burkott, whore thoy also bought enrcasscs, tho prlco was $5.80. So far ns theso figures go, said Mr. Cowlcs, tho stnto savo3 a small nmount of money when it buys tho cattle, and tho officers nt tho asylum say that thero Is a vast dlffercnco in tho quality of tho mont, tho homo mado product being so much better than tho packing houso mont Another report will bo mado at tho closo of tbo present quarter, March 31. Whether the higher prlco of cat tlo will show a greater or a smaller gain for homo mado bcof will bo de termined nt that time. During tho present quarter Norfolk pays 44 cents nnd Burkett 68 cents per hundred moro for beef than thoy paid last quarter. Report of Experiments. J, S. Dales, financial secretary to tho Stnto Board of Regents, has filed with tho governor his annual report of tho stato agricultural experimental stations for tho Inst yonr. Tho roport shows thero was re ceived from tho Hutch iund, $15,000 in installments of which $10,113.68 was expended for salaries; rocclved frpra the Adams fund, $11,000 of which $0, 44C.23 wns spent in snlnrlos; univer sity cash fund received, $6,858.58; for tho sttio of llva stock and farm pro ducts, $23,831.54. Out of this thero was a bnlanco on hand last July of $2,345.75. Appropriation for tho sup port of tho North Platte Btntlon, $25, 000; balauco on hand November 30, $13,844.97; appropriation for support of farmers' institutes, $20,000; balance from 1907 appropriation, $6,754.62; balance on hnnd nt closo of tho fiscal year, $17,386.87. Tho roport covers in detail tho ex periments conducted by tho colloga during tho Inst year, which havo been published Iu bulletin form nnd mulled out to tho public generally. Way to Lessen Crime. Furnish overy convict with n Job up on lila reloaso from tho penitentiary, punish assiduously nil men who put. tho lynch law into use, nnd reform tho Jury system of tho country by mak ing conviction possible on n voto ot ten of tho twolvo Jurors. Theso nro tho means by which Dr. Edwin Muxey, profesor of criminal law in tho Unl-vorslty-of Nebraska law school, would chnngo tho system of dealing - with criminals nnd lesson tho crlmo of this country. Boforo his class in criminal law at tho university ho onunclnted this doctrluo and predicted Its adop tion by tho vnrlouB states would rapid ly decrenso the number of criminals that aro annually sent to tho stato prisons. Worry Upset His Reason. Thomas J. Blglqy of Beatrlco was brought to tho Insuno hospitnl horo by Sheriff Scholk. Though It Is said Big ley worried over his debts to a con siderable oxtent, worry over n repri mand from tho court for his action as a Juror is said to havo been tho final straw that ovorthrow tho man's rea son. Requisition Papers Asked For. Sheriff Schick nnd County Attorney F. O. McGirr of Gngo county dropped Into tho governor's office to nrrango for requisition on tho stato of Okla homa for tho return to Gngo county of James W. Whlto, now under arrest nt Nowklrk, Okln. Ho Is charged with wife desertion. Forger In tho Tolls. Requisition has boon Issued for tho return to Douglas county of Austin Elliott, nrrcstcd nt St. Louis on n chargo of forging a $35 check on tho Merchants National bank at Omaha. Record Day for Treasurer. Tueday of last weok was a record day for tho stato treasurer in tho mat tor of recolpts Issued. Tho collections amounted to 109,000 in round" num bers, which Deputy Treasuror Frank Brian said was moro money than tho offlco had over collocted in ono day, at least In tho present term. With no state debt, tho treasurer believes ho will bo ablo to como bofore tho next legislature without any outstanding warrants, nnd thercforo turn the ofllco over lo his successor with the state on a cash baste i ... Valentines More Popular Than Ever ii. N THE lnttor tfnrt bf tho Y I eighteenth century tho 1 I "Valentino" thoso ornnto creations or inco paper, silver nnd gilt, artificial flowers, scrap pictures and sentimental verso which wo, know, grew from tho simplest processes by nat ural degrees of elabora tion. Before valentines bo came a recognized artlclo of merchandise lovers wero constrained to construct their own. A quill pen, a sheet ot writing paper and ability to writo "doggerel" wns tho required oqulpmont, Soon thero appeared obliging llttlo chap books called tho "Gentlemnn's Now Valentino Writer," "Cupid's Annual Charter," "Tho School of Love," and tho "Ladles' Pollto Valentine Writer." Thoro ulsu wns n "valentine writer" for tradespeople nnd ono for tho Joker called tho "Quizzing Valentino Writ er." Theso vnlcntlno writers Wero llU tie six-penny pamphlets containing cholco specimens of doggerel far al most all degrees of lovo nnd senti ment. Hero are' a few samples: ' Hound li Ilia ring that has no and; Ho n my )ovo to you, my frlond. You nro witty, you nro prutty; You nro sloKlel Whnt ft pity! I nm nltiKlo for your nnlio What a liandiotna couple we shall make, In, the tradespeople's "Valentino' Wrlfw" valentines or almost every trado and profession .wero provided. Here is ono for U10 pawnbroker: I plediro my word for thee' I live,' And nm sincere when honor calls. - Oh, then, my dear, an nnswer give, You know where to nt tho tlirco balls. The grocor's was ns follows: Your bronlli Is all-aplcc, I declare, And you're so nont nnd handy That you're nn sweet,, I think, my fair As plums or burut candy. ' lie favorable, I Implore, These verses kindly weigh; And If you will my heart restore,. , I'll troat you to lome tea. This wns tho maid's scornful nn swer: 1 Tour loiter I've welshed, Am rtllt nfi-nM Many pounds you're deficient In weight;' And so, Sir. Grocer, VA have yoU to know, Blr, -. I caro not a fls" tor, your treat, Oftentimes theso home-made valen times wero of tho "cut" and "torn" paper variety, beautiful designs being worked out by cutting or tearing tho paper. About tbo year 1800 tho manufac tured article began to steal away tho early charm of St. Valentino's day1. Transformation scenes wero a conceit of tho German manufacturers. A lono bachelor sits nnd bomonns his fato of solitariness until a shifting Bcqno re voals to him what bliss life would bo with hor ot his dreams. Tho moro olaborato of theso manufactured vol- cntlnes wore wonderful examples of human ingonuity nnd handicraft nnd somo wero very expensive Tho manufacturer of valentines 60 years ago gavo remunerative employ ment to an army" of womon, to whom tho work of construction was Intrust ed, Germany furnished most of tho material in bulk for valentines, but tho beautifully mado artificial cambric roses, each no longor thnn a pea, wero mado in French convents by womon to. whom valentines woro never .Bent and who wero vowed to celibacy nnd slnglo life. Tho nnonymity of tho remembranco is Its charm, as hi tho caso of tho young artist of Charles Lamb's ac quaintance, who exponded hours nnd his best work on n Valentino for his neighbor, n young gjrl with whom ho had never spoken, but whoBa radiant girlhood had given him joy to bo hold. To her surprised eyes carao bis exquisite testimonial. And like pleas urq shared our grandmothers whon in tho good old days folded Bheots with laco edges and most delicately hand written verCB beneath crudely Bontl mental sketches found their Insidious way under their front door. a Od-Tiwe 'Ifcovc Missives for" the Day EPYS, thnt dollghtful old I I gossip of tho jrclgn of I diaries 11., oiiters in his 1 .11-1-. ..... . . 1 1. . ..... uuuy uii Yiiiiuiimu B uuj, 1667: "This morning enmo llttlo Will Melscr to bo my wife's vnlontlne, nnd brought her nnmo written upon blue pnpor In gold letters, done by himself. Very pretty, wo woro both well plonecd with it. But I nm nlso this year my wlfo'a valentine, and it will cost mo five pounds; but that I must hnvo laid out it we had not been valentines." .Two days Inter Pepys says: "I find that Mrs. Pierce's llttlo girl la my val online, sho having drawn me, which I nm sorry for, It casing mo of some thing more thnt I must hnvn given to others. But I do first observe tho fnshlon of drawing mottoes ns woll as names, eo that Plcrco, who drew my vrlfe dld also draw a tnotlo, and . his girl drew another for mo. What mlno was, I forget, but my wife's waa' 'Most courtooua nnd most fair,' which, as It may bu used as nn engagement upon each nnmo, might bo very pret ty." Pepys has n grcnt deal to tell about vnlentlncs. nnd whnt he says shows that tho day was observed in tho high est fashionable circles nnd that expen sive nrcsonts wero Elvon. Io de scribes how tho duko of York.'bclng tho Valentino of Miss Stuart, n fa mous beauty, gavo her a Jowol valued at 800 and how Lord Mnndovlllo, an other vnlcntlno of this lucky womnn, presented her with n ring worth 300. A mnn hnd, to have money to keep up with St. Valentino's procession in tho ngo of King Chnrlos II.! But fully ns Interesting nnd much moro strange woro tho' St. Vnlentlno'B customs among tho common people. Many of tho observances woro singu larly llko thoso of Hallowo'cn. Thoy word not bo growsomc, but tho roaom bianco in tmmlstnknblo. For Instance n pert miss, who lived In tho 1750's, writes; "Last Frldny wnB Valentino's day and the night before I got flvo hay loaves nnd'plnned four of them to tho four corners of my pillow nnd tho fifth to tho middle, and then If I drenmt of my sweetheart, Betty said, wo should bo married beforo the year was out. But to mako It moro suro I boiled an egg hnrd and took out tho yolk and filled it with snlt nnd nto It shell and nil without spenking or drinking after it. Wo also wroto our lovers' namcB upon bits of pnper and rolled them up In clny nnd put thorn into wntor and tho first thnt snmo to the eurfaco was to bo our valentine." Tlicro hnvo been endless dovlcos for Valentines, but perhaps the- queerest on recbrd Is that described In the fol lowing llttlo story. Ono St. Vnlon- tlno's morning an English gcntlomnn remarked to his pretty dnughter thnt on that day 200,000 moro letters thnn tho nyerngo passed through tho Lon don twopenny post. "Why, papa." replied tho girl, "thafa JiiBt tho number of young folks thnt must bo In lovo with each othor that's tho way to reckon." At thnt moment n bachelor friend of tho family camo In and learning tho subject of their talk, drew ,a small pacKage irom 111s pocKet. Here's my valentine," ho oxclnlmcd, and presented It to tho young woman. It contained a small rib, enrved of Ivory and covered with whlto satin and ornamented' with true lover's knots. Thero woro also somo verses, of which this Is one; Till Adam hnd n partner given,. Much nu fair Kden bloomed llko Heaven, tils bllflu was Incomplete. No social friend thoxo Joys to nharo Clave tlin gay Hceno a vacant nlr. Hho came -'twas all replete, "Well, now, I call thnt capital," cried tho lively lass. "After "such 'a vnlcntlno you must tnico tho hint, my donr sir. It's settled, you must get married." "Will you mnrry mo?" ho nrfkod. "I marry you? No. You aro too old. But thero aro many womon of your ago. Why don't you nsk ono of them?" Ho had to bo contcntod with- this sorry consolation, though ha deserved a better fato for tho Ingenuity ot his vnlcntlno. St. Valentino's day has always boon n favorlto with th6 poots. It Is men tioned by Chaucer, Shukespearo, Goo tho, Donno, any, Lydgato nnd others, and many Hrst-clnHB versifiers havo written valentines. Ot theso none Is moro remarkable thrtn Macaulay. That renowned scholar und historian novor missed giving n St. Valentino's trlbutd to his favorlto nieces and his Valen tino to tho Countess Beauchamp, daughter of tho carl of Stanhope, ranks with tho most admlrnblo of his compositions, It is a pity that tbo fine old fostlvnl of St. Vnlentlno'B day Is not . made moro ot by this generation. Some thing should bo dono lo bring back to It the charm, the romance tho poetry of othor times. Happily, In tho last faw jyears tho eomlc valontiues hnvo boon jporo hu morous and lose "vulgar, -Tj( Sunday agazliw J - C9