HIE SEMI-WEEKLY TRIBUNE HARBOR OF PRINCE RUPERT, BRITISH COLUMBIA. AT FIRST SIGHT. IRA. 1 BATIK, Publisher Torma: $1.25 In Advance. NORTH PLATTE NEDRASKA JARRED HEAD OF THE HOUSE A Brief Discussion Between Mr. and Mrs. Dllltops on the Subject of Divorce. "Elizabeth," flnld Air. Dllltops to tho iBontlo Mrs. Hilltops, "what would you think of getting ti divorce from mo?" i Mr. Hilltop:) hml Just been reading an account In the paprr Bhowlng tho felicity find prlvncy with which di vorces may now bo obtained, nnd this wnii Just tt llttlo Joko ot his to Mra. I Hilltops. But Mrs. UllltopH looked at 'him Bhrowdly and aiiBWcred him In a jwny that really mndo him for tho 'moment uncomfortablo; ho folt froo 'to Joko with hor In this fashion, but it wasn't pleasant to liavo her so Joka ,wlth him. "Why, Ezra," 9I10 said, "whnt would jbo tho aonso of my doing that? I lnover could colluct 110,000,000 from you, could I, oven if I should get a 'divorce?" thoy both smllad as tlioy 'thought of how much less money they had avallnblo for Btich or nny other (purpose "and so," sho continued, but In a different tone now and regarding Mr. Hilltops unmistakably, "I guess ..we'll havo to keep on togetbor, Ezra, tho best wo know how, as wo havo al ways done, to tho end of our days, iAnd," sho ndded, "I don't want a jdlvorco anyway," all of which molll jfled Mr. Dllltops considerably. 1 Rut at tho snmo tlmo ho thought to himself that ho wouldn't right away (again try to Joko with Mrs. Dllltops on tho Idea of getting a dlvorco from Ihini, for ho found that It Jarred him n f llttlo to think that Mrs. B, would con older such nn idea, oven jokingly. ! The "World of Life." U is only by continually keeping In our minds all tho facts of naturo that wo can possibly rcalizo and compro hond tho groat problems presented by llho "world of llfo" Its persistence in jovor-chnnglng, but unchecked develop jmont throughout tho geological ages, .tho exact adaptation)) of every species jto its actual environment, both inor :ganlc nnd organic, nnd tho exquisite Iforms of beauty and harmony in flow ;cr nnd fruit, I nmnmmnl and bird, In imolluso and In tho Inflnltudo of the llnsect tribes; all of which havo been jbrought Into oxlstcuco through tho un known but supremoly marvelous pow ers of llfo, In strict rolatlon to that great law of usefulness, which conatl jtutes the fundamental prlnclplo of (Darwinism. Alfred Russell Wallace, In 'Popular Sclonco Monthly. I Mules and Religion. I Wallace's Farmer raises this lntor lesting question: "Can a former retain his church mcmborshtp and ralso jmules?" It depends on what church .ho belongs to. It Is easy If ho Is an Episcopalian, but If ho Is n hard-shell iDaptlBt It is a llttlo doubtful. We jhnd a Mothodlst neighbor who tickled itho curriculum of n mulo In n moment of playfulness nnd hod both of his eye .teeth rlvltod to his collar button In roward, nnd when ho enmo to tho noxt May ho ropoatcd tho third chnptor ol Nehuchadnozzar backward, then arose and sworo a strook that blistered the lining out of a now stool kitchen irnngo. Tho man who can rear a family of mulos from helpless Infancy to ma turity without a display of rough-neck-,'od profanity Is too good for any ichurch. ManchoBtcr (la.) Press. I Chance for Poor Girls. I An Interesting order rnimrillnir h marriage of ofllcors has boon mndo by wo iiussinn military authorities. For merly no ofllcor could mnrry until he had ronched tho nco of 23. Tn miiii. tlon to being of good soclnl position, nio oncio nnd to possess means, or .tllO marrlOCO wnn nnt nnnrtlnnml Tn future tho incomo qualification will bo ;dlBponsod with and tho colonel of the .regiment will decldo regarding tho so jclnl Bultabllity of tho brldo when tho bridegroom Is of tho rank of captain ,or higher. In tho enso of subaltomB a court of honor, formed of otneers of :mo regiment, will report to the eolotv el, who will mnko tho final decision. I Couldn't Sleen Without Harmnnv. Bocauso ho found thnt tho wallpaper .In tho room to which he was assigned jdld not match his now vest, a man who gavo his name as Hugo Massurl wuu wuu Bnys umi no generally lives jln tho Hotel Astor, decided to fight a duel with the night clerk in a Now York Sixth avenue hotel. Mnssurl wont tr iliA Rlvth .,... Ihotel and asked for .given ono nnd remained in It for half jan hour. Then ho appeared at tho desk and asked that his turned, as tho wallpaper- didn't harmot iuto wjm ma vosi ana no couldn't sleep without harmony. The clrk re luseo 10 ,gjyo oacK me money. ! Where QHencn la rsnlaUn ; "You aro au American, and yet you .uvti (. ucuovo in ireo speocn, now tnat?" i "I'm In the state departaienL'V iNowark Brenlng News. Unfortunatelv Exnreasad. Tho Daily Chronicle tells ua that ftno King will go to Brighton at ths end of this month for raw Ami 'rest aftor tho vlelt ot tho king ol Portugal." Surely this might kave uuon oxpreifloa a uiue ulileienUy tjonaon opinion. Reoklets. Indeed. t "That fellow seems to be extrav gsnt." 1 "Hopelessly. He spends his own money just as it It tt were the govern ujs'vix 'Ix.LissffsrmssW''flBs Prince Rupert, tho Paclflo coast terminal of the Grand Trunk railway, la a thriving place and promises to be ona of tho large cities of tho western coast In years to come. FARMERS Instructions Issued as to What Records Arc to be Kept. Director Durand Requests Agricultur ists and Stockmen to Co-Operate with Hla Department In Fur nlshlng Accurate Data. Washington. An outline for the American farmers of tho method of keeping a written record of tholr farm operations and equipment to insuro an accurato farm consus next yoar has boon Issued by United States Census Director E. Dana Durand. It was pre pared by Prof. Le Grand Powers, United States consus chief statistician for agriculture It Btatcs: "The1 advantages ot always having on hand for ready roferenco a detailed written statement ot ono's farm prop erty nro readily understood by every ono and will bo most keenly appreci ated when tho census enumerator calls with his list ot quostlons next April. Tho vnluo of tho coubus llgures ot farm wealth depends upon their ac curacy, and accuracy can only be se cured through tho co-operation of tho farmors tbcmsolves. In no way can tho farmer extend mora practical as ilstancb to tho census bureau, and in ;o way can ho render himself a great er sorvlco than by getting out his pen cil and notebook on or beforo tho evening ot April tho fourteenth next nnd making up a statement ot hlB farm property. Tho questions to bo asked concoralug farm proporty aro as fol lows: 1. Total valuo of farm, with all buildings und Improvements. 2. Valuo ot buildings. 3. Valuo ot all improvements and machinery, including tools, wagons, carriages, harnesses, etc, and all ap pliances and apparatus uaud In farm ing operations. 4. Numbor and valuo ot domestic animals, classified as follows: Cattlo: A. Born boforo January 1, 1909: Cows and heifers kept for milk, Cowa and helfors not kept for milk. Steers and bulls kept for work. Steers and bulls not kept for work. B. Born In 1909. Helfors. Steers and bulls. - O. CalvoB born In 1910. Horsos: All horsos born boforo Jan. 1, 1909. Colts born after January 1, 1909. Colts born after January 1, 1910. Mules: All mules born betoro Jan. 1, 1909. Mulo colts born aftor Jan. 1, 1909. Mulo colts born aftor Jan. 1, 1910. Asses nnd burros (all ages). Swlno: Hogs born betoro Jan. 1, 1910. Pigs born after Jan. 1, 1910. Sheop: Ewes born beforo Jan, 1, 1910. Rams nnd wothers born before Jan uary 1, 1910. Lambs born after Jan. 1, 1910. Goats and kids (all ages). 6. Number and valuo ot poultry ov er three months old: Chickens. Ducks. , Geese. J Turkeys, I Guinea fowls. . . . , Pigoons. 3. Numbor and value of cwaras ot bees. "Tho census will not ask the value of household goods, nor that of bay, grain or farm crops on hand on April 15th. ThcBe Items should be Included, howovor, by all desiring a complete inventory of tholr farm property. "The value given to tho farm should be, as nearly as can be Judged, tho amount that could be obtained for It if offered for sale under normal con dition. Current market prices should bo carefully considered in estimating the value of live stock. "Although the census merely re quires a otateroont of totnl valuo of all Implements and machinery, it is be lieved that a classification of these Items under the following four beads will be found vntuablo? 1 Vehicles: This class comprise nutomnbllos. wagons, carriages nnd wlulchs, am) equipment usud in con IN CENSUS nectlon with them, no harnesses, blankets, whips, etc. 2. Heavy farm implements: compris ing all Implements and machinery op crated by nny othor than hand power, as plows, harrows, rollers, reapers, mowers, hay-loaders, toed grinders, etc., etc. 3. Hand machinery and tools: In cluding carpenters' tools, hoes, shov els, scythes, forks, grindstones, fan-ntng-mllls, etc. 4. Miscellaneous articles, Including all Buch minor equipments ns kettlos, palls, barrelB, baskets, laddors, ropes, chains, etc., not Included in U10 first three classes. "Many farmers greatly underesti mate tho total valuo of tholr posses sions ot this churacter whon consider ing them in tho aggregate, nnd it is only by preparing an itemized list as suggested above, that an accurato es timate ot their worth can bo made. Tho valuo assigned this class ot prop erty in mo inventory snould bo tho estimated amount it would bring nt public auction undor tnvorablo condi tions. "No special blanks or forms aro nec essary for preparing nn inventory. An ordinary note book answers all pur poses, but it BUould bo largo enough to admit of carrying tho figures for nt least five years in parallel columns. This facilitates comparison of the llg ures ror different years. Some may find it moro convenient or desirable to tako stock on January 1 than on April 16. It will bo n simple matter to bring such an inventory up to date whon tho census enumerator calls, as it will only bo necessary to take into account tho changes that havo takon placo during tho brief intervening porlod. "As in tho case of tho farm Inven tory, no special blanks aro required for tho record ot farm products ot 1909. An ordinary notebook with loaves at least six Inches wide will bo found convenient. Tho following in formation will bo called for: 1. Farm expenses In 1909: A. Amount spent In cosh for farm labor (exclusive ot houso work). D. Estimated valuo ot houso ront and bonrd furnished farm laborers in addition to cash wages paid. C. Amount spent for hay, grnln and othor produco (not ralsod on tho farm) for food of domestic animals and poultry. D. Amount spent for manure and othor fertilizers. "No Inquiry Is mado rcgardlug Company to New York Men Incorporate to Treat Ills of Mankind and to Act as Undertakers. Albany, N. Y. Tho latest idea In business concerns has coma to tho at tention ot Secretary ot State Koonig. The proposod company seeks not only to caro tor the living, but lay them away In mother earth in tho best style compatible with tho means and tasto ot the friends or family. The papers wero sent by Attorneys Ayres and Walker of Park row, rep resentatives ot the "World Medical Company ot New York." The organ izers are all residents ot Brooklyn. In stating the company's purposes tho papers say: "For the entering into contracts with persons and tholr families to fur nish medical and surgical treatment and the furnishing ot such treatment and for the' manufacture, buying, sell ing and dealing 'in drugs and medical and surgical appliances. "For the entering into contracts with undertakers for tho purpose ot burying tho dead and supplying the nocoasarlos thcrofor. and for tho pup pose ot entering into contracts with porsons and their families for tho burial ot such persons and their fami lies and the furnishing of tho neces saries therefor." Secretary Koenlg said: "It is said that corporations havo no coul, but this one certainly is long on brains; tho man who thought it out Is a genius. If allowod to do business in New York state the company would earn tho grntltudo of all those whom It freed from ailments nnd at the same tlmo earn their money. household or personal expenses or ex penditures for repairs or improve ments. Each of tho four questions asked Is of fundamental importance In Its bearing on agriculture as an in dustry. 2. Llvo stock: A. Number of young animals of each kind born on tho farm In 1909. D. Numbor ot nnlmals of each kind purchased In 1909 nnd tho nmonnt paid; number sold nnd amount re ceived; and numbor nnd valuo of thoso slaughtered on tho farm. 3. Dairy products. A. Quantities and valuo of milk, hut tcr and choose produced oil tho farm In 1909. D. Quantities of milk, cream, but tor fat and cheese sold in 1900 and amounts received. 4. Poultry nnd eggs: A. Valuo of poultry of all kinds raised In 1909, whether sold, con sumed, or on hand. B. Amount rccolved from poultry sold In 1909. C. Quantity and valuo ot eggs pro duced In 1909. 6. Wool and mohatr: Number nnd total weight of fleeces shorn In 1909 nnd amount rocolvod from sales. 0. Crops: For each crop harvested, on tho farm In 1909 glvo tho number of acroa, tho quantity produced, nnd. tho value of tho products. Tho number of acres ot each crop to bo plnutcd for harvest in 1910, will also bo called, for by tho enumerator. This cannot bo deter mined much beforo the date ot tho enumeration. Instead of giving tho numbor ot acrea in orchards nnd vine yards, glvo nn nearly as -possiblo tho numbor ot trees and vinos of bearing ago. Tho quantity of crsrtnin fruit products; as cldor, vinegar, wlno and dried fruits produced in 1909 will bo required, as will also tho quantity and valuo of sugar, syrup and molasses produced from cane, Borghum, sugar boots and maplo trees. 7. Salcn of specified products in 1909: A considerable part ot tho annual production of corn, oata, barley, kaflr corn, mtlo inalzo, hay, flax-flbor and straw, other straw, cornstalks and cotton seed is usually consumed on tho farm. Owing to this fact, a report will bo asked concerning tho quanti ty of each ot thoso products Bold in 1909, and tho amounts realized thore from. 8. Forest products: Tho valuo of all forest products cut or produced In 1909 for farm con sumption will ho asked, as will also the valuo ot similar products cut or produced for sale, including receipts from tho salo of standing timber. 9. Irrigation: Farmers who trrlgato their land will bo asked to report the source from which water Is obtained, tho numbor ot acres ot pasture land Irri gated, and tho total irrigated acroago. "This outline covers every impor tant question that will bo naked con cerning tho fnrm products of 1909. American agriculture is bo diversified and bo highly specialized in many ot its branches, that any Bchodulo do slgnod to 8ccuro a fairly complete ox hlblt of its resources and operations must necessarily contain a largo num bor of Inquiries. Tho nvonigo farm operator will not be called upon to answer one-sovonth of tho printed questions, honco tho somewhat for midable appoaranco ot tho schodulo should occasion no nlnrm. "Moro than four months remain in which to review tho results ot the year 1909, and prepare for tho visit of tho enumerator. But preparation ot a written record should bo commencod ut once. No ono should attempt to completo it in ono evening, but tha work should ho divided ns indicated in tho abovo outline, ono evening being given up to farm expenses, n second to llvo stock, a third to dairy prod ucts and so on through tho list. In this way each topic can ho given the consideration It deserves, and tho re sulting figures aro certain to bo mora accurate than If compiled hastily." Cure or Bury "If tho company's medicine does not keep tho sick from dying, tho com' pauy will lose tho grntltudo of tho pa tlonts, but thoy will doublo on the money, for it will yet remain for the concern to hury them. Surely wo are living in an ago ot wonderful prog ress. "I am compelled to deny tho com pany's application for the reason that a corporation can not practico modi clno In this state." Rock Pile Plea Granted. KanBas City, Mo. "I would rathei go to tho workhouse and break rock than go homo to her," John Halns told Judge Kyle whon ho was arraigned in municipal court on a charge ot dis turbing tho peace ot his wife, Ethel. "You shall havo your wish," said the court "You aro sentenced to 118 days on the rock pile. Mrs. Halns, a dollcato llttlo woman, carrying a small baby In her anna, told tho judge that sho was married last March. Boforo the baby wai born, she said, Halns began to abUB hor. Tho other night when sho re turned from work sho found Halni with anothor woman. When sho ro monstratcd he heat her, she caid. Scorn Undo 8am's Jobs. Ltttlo Rock, Ark. Six fourth-clasi postofflces In Arkansas havo been dls continued becauso no one Is willing tc accept tho postmastershlps. F, W Tucker, chairman ot the Republican stato committee, stated that the peo plo of the rural districts aro so pros perous that It Is Impossible to secur any ono willing to accept offices whicl offer such small remuneration. Ho Rosallo, I can't toll you how I worship your almond eyes, your vel vet cheeks, llko poachos, nnd your cherry Hps! Rosnlle I supposo you aro tho now gardonor. SKIN HUM0R25 YEARS "Cutlcura did wonders for mo. For twonty-flvo yenra I Buffered agony from a torriblo humor, complotoly cov ering ray head, neck and shoulders, so oven to my wife, I bocamo an object ot dread. At largo oxpenso I consult ed tho most ablo doctors far and near. Their treatment was of no avail, nor waB that of tho Hospital, during six months' offorts. I suffered on and concluded thero was no help for mo this side of tho gravo. Then I hoard of somo ono who had boon cured by Cutlcura Remedies and thought that a trial could do no harm. In a surprisingly short tlmo I was com pletely cured. S. P. Keyes, 147 Con gress St, Boston, Mass., Oct 12, '09." Face Covered with Plmplea "1 congratulato Cutlcura upon my speedy recovery from pimplos which covercdmyfaco. I used Cutlcura Soap, Ointment and Resolvent for ton days and my faco cleared nnd I am perfect ly won. I had trlod doctors for sev eral month but got no results. Wm. J. Sadller, 1614 Susquehanna Ave., Phila delphia, May 1, 1900." Story of a Moving Pumpkin. A pumpkin was seen to walk across tho field by Mrs. Samuel H. Hlght of Skowegan recently. Whon Bho saw It sho thought hor eyos wero deceiv ing hor, but sho soon porceived thnt tho pumpkin movod n llttlo way, stopped and then turned in another direction. Sho watched this object for somo tlmo and told ono of her neigh bors. Tho mystory waB Bolved. but tho two women did not dnro to go neater tho moving vcgotablo, but called a man who knocked tho pump kin over and found, a polecat. Tho skunk had crawled undor tho pumpkin and ntuck his head into a hole in it nnd was unablo to extricato himsolf from it and had walkod off as best ho couKl with tho pumpkin on his back. Lawlston Journal. Friendly Birds. Mcst of tho birds and mammals havo the fear ot man in tholr hoarts, and aro difficult to approach, but others show no great concern. Tho Alaskan Jays, for Instance, nro devoted camp followers. "They proved useful as scavengers," Bays Mr. Osgood, "and cooked oatmeal seemed to attract them oven more than raw meat. They many times hopped about tho carapflro, or perched on tho tont poles and ropes. Their harsh chattering was not always plcasaut, but was somo what atoned for by their loss fre quent soft whlstlo and their port and confident ways, so on tho wholo their presenco waB wolcomcd." Rough on Rats In Out Buildings. In setting Rough on Rats in out build ings after mixing it well with nny food de cided upon.scparato into small bits, place on several pieces of boards, and put these here and thero under the floors. Close up all openings large enough for Dogs, Cat or Chickens to enter, but leave somo small openings for lints to get in and out. One 25c. box of Rough on Rats, being all poison, will make enough mixture to clear out in ono or two nights settings, hundreds of Rats and Mice. 15c., 25c, 75c., at Druggists. E. S. Wells, Jersey City, N. J. Always at It. Mrs. Benham Woman's work is never done. Benham That's so; evon after sho Is married sho is trying to make men fall In love with her. ' Lewis' Single Binder gives the smoker a rich, mellow-tnBting cigar, one thnt smokes and tastes better than mo.it 10c cigars. If you aro over beaten it will bo by your own self. Nobody else can beat you. Tho bravest dentist isn't anxious to look into tho Jaws ot death. buy a can of taxton Colfee today. Try usually malcccolico and let your lamny dc uio juurc. They will say the coffee Is delicious and want more. Only 23 Cents Per Pound nt Yotir Orocers Piano Sale Extraordinary Uaat U the ouly term for our Golden Anniversary Sale now In process. You mayi securo a High Orntle, Sweet Tono.il Piano Fully Guar anteed, und ttave from $100 jto (200 trom resular retail prices, Here are some of the Barcatn Vafeea to bo secured: , J250 Btory & Camp at 5 tSHSJBSBBBBVHBBf ajpJBJSJKSaBSW OlaLmnu nrn.iri Uminra nt n E5iefls3Bil t300 Kimball at SS bEpSM Krat!!::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: n mm VSA Ivers & KS0 Stctron S2S5 Milton OAS VK.imnrl 1350 Cramer Write t?on't Put SG& Ra$&g& 8CHMOLLER & MUELLER PIANO CO. wm. Yro)M VTOomXeexXsmMos oxoXvv& vem&ySjirwf' cjTv&tVvxvr VVs &c so Va asMStXawceAo xvauto wkn. wo VQTiger Tice&ev.as iebe& c$ rcme&cs Xtowtc3i weoass, naUTC,c&TK) o sppXawXXiewoiwco JutvcVvoxxs AvXixeXuauA &culvV maXcXy uQuT0K2r ovvrvsXvTveu proper (Jots,QniTvVv fcacxaXXy; Tofcl'iH We$ca$ccUwwaystotty ha 6eniMWy CALIFORNIA Fig Syrup Co, SOLD BY ALU LEADING DRUGGISTS entSIUONLV-RCOULAR PRICE 50 PER BOTTLO Two of a Kind. Mrs. Hoggs I hato to have a man always complaining about somo llttlo thing. Now, my husband is continu ally harping on tho laco curtains. Mrs. WoggB Yos, and my husband has been kicking on our front door every morning at throe o'clock for tho last 20 years. Puck. Cupid's Cynicism. "Is It so, that you used to call regu larly on that girl?" "Yes; Bho always song a song to ma that I loved." "Why didn't you marry hor7" "I found I could buy tho song for GO cants." Tho Circle. 4 TO COKE A COLD IN ONE DAT Taka I.AXAT1VH IlllOMO Quinine Tablet. DruraUu refund money If it fall in cur. H. W. UltOVK'Uklgnatarolion each box. Ho. Somo people's morals aro like their bcBt clothes only worn on extraordin ary occasions. Nebraska Directory If you wish to be Cured of Constipation Use Uncle Sam Breakfast Food A delightful food made from wheat and flax na ture's own remedy. Ask your grocer Hi Certainly Knows POSITIVELY CUI1E8 ALCOHOLIC INEBRIETY ' OPIUM MORPHINE AND OTHER DRUG ADDICTIONS. THIRTY YEARS of continuous success. Printed matter sent In plain envelope upon request. All cor respondence strictly confidential. THE (EELEY HSTITUTE Cor. Twenty-Fifth and Cass St.. OMAHA, NED. Do ron want the lloat Corn SnalUrmad? Us Intltton lurlof a MARSEILLES CORN SHELLEI Writ for caUU art yoar loot! dealer. JOHN DEERE PLOW CO., OMAHA THEPAXTON European Plai Booms from 11.00 up single, 76 cents up double. CAFE PRICES REASONABLE TYPEWRITERS MAKES U to H ilttt rrto. Cub or time pa, mean, llentcd. nat applies, W thlB iimy hr. for free lamination. Ho aa Trtt. tor Uib.ritln IU ..4 ftV ll.rjpaa.MCa.lltn.lauSU..(raaU. WELDING IfiSMffSlijK parts of mncliluery made good as new, welds cast Iron, cast steel, alnmlnum.copper, brass or any other metal. Expert automobile repali lag. UEflTSCIIY MOTOR CO.. Council Bluffs. it as you Pond at , at 1 at 145 nt . .... IRK at JM if for Complote URt Catalogues and Terms. this off-Do it Now. Terms SI a Weak. ' " - . . . v. . . , LH sfl