r
)
r
THH SOUTH
' Wind that sings of tlie dreamy South
When the palo first blossoms woo tho
bee,
iWind that flings from a golden mouth
Tender spray of the summer sen.
Wind th.it keeps for us light nnd bloom,
That cradles the bird in the tree-top
nest,
Wind that sleeps In the lilac's plume,
Of the winds of heaven wo love thee
best.
TEN DAYS
i v ID I over tell you of my
I 1 lovo for the widow"
I 7 "No," replied WUllnins.
(T "Let's have It."
"Well," snld Hugh Remington, lenn
lug bnclc In his great easy-chair, "I
mot her In Paris."
"Met whom?"
"Oil, never mind who. Be content
that I nm telling you the story, nnd
don't ask for names. I thought of
her as 'the widow.' It Is n BUlllelcut
title."
"Well, I won't Interrupt. Go ou."
So Hugh continued:
"I was calling ou my old friend,
Mrs. Lee, anil while waiting for the
Bcrvnnt to tell her of my arrival, an
odd piece of bric-a-brac In the corner
of tho room attracted my attention. I
got up and went over to examine It.
Whllo thus engaged the door opened.
I turned, thinking It was Mrs. Lee,
when, oh I what a beauty met my
slghtl so small that she looked like
a child, lurge deep blue eyes thnt
came out from under a mass of light
golden curls, n small nose and n rose
bud of a mouth. She was dressed In
deep mourning, nnd I thought, as I
looked at her, that I had never seen n
more beautiful picture. She didn't
sec me until I mndc n slight move
ment which startled her. Coming for
ward, I said:
" 'I frightened you, did I not?'
" 'Yes; I" was not nwaro that there
was any one In the room. You arc
waiting for Mrs. Lee?' nnd she gave
mo the sweetest of smiles, showing n
most perfect row of teeth.
"Before I could nnswer, Mrs. Leo
appeared and Introduced us. Mrs.
was on a short visit to Mrs. Lee prior
to her departure for her home In
America. I was glnd of that, as I
should then have the pleasure of see
ing her again.
"The evening passed only too quick
ly, and I rose with an apology for
staying so late. Mrs. Lee Invited me
to dine with them informally the next
day. She said her friend preferred be
ing quiet, so they should be quite
alone. You may bo n-e I accepted
tho Invitation, and was . ro prompt
ly at tho hour. The widow was move
charming than the previous evening.
I longed to stop the hours from roll
lug on. Having been In the habit of
dropping in at Mrs. Lee's at all hours,
my frequent almost dally visits wero
uot noticed ns anything strange or
unusual.
"Mrs. Leo thanked me for coming to
them In their loneliness, and the wid
ow would give mo one of her sweet
Giiiilcs, and I was thankful In my In
nermost heart that It fell to my lot to
cheer them. So tho weeks passed un
til tho time came for the departure
of Mrs. Leo's friend.
"Now, I had Intended going over to
America In n month or two on busi
ness, but when I found thnt the widow
was to sail In ten days I began to
think that the business was very Im
perative; The more I thought of tho
matter, tho more Important It seemed
to mo to go.
" 'Do you know nny one going over
on tho 15th? tho widow asked mo In
lier dove-llko way.
" 'No one but myself,' I answered.
'Business has called mo to America
sooner thnn I expected.'
'"How delightful !' from the widow;
while Mrs. Lee exclnlmed:
'"Oh, Mr. Remington, I nm so glad!
Couldn't bear tho Idea of my friend
going entirely nlone; nnd you, of all
others, will know best how to take care
of her.'
"Wo then began to make our plans.
Mrs. Intended making a visit of a
few days to some friends In London, I
was going direct to Liverpool. Mrs.
Leo and I drovo down to see our
friend off, am I looked forward to
mecthlg her on board the steamer. My
last dnys In Paris were spent In say
lug good bye to old friends ami buying
presents for sister Nell, who had mar
rlcd an American, and tho children.
I got every novelty that I could find,
nnd felt well pjea'sed with my selec
tlon. At Inst I was on the steamer,
nnd stood looking at the ship moving
nway. By my side was the widow
mid I thought that, I had never seen
her look so lovely. I exulted In the
ncknowledgmont that she knew no one
on board. I was her only friend, con
sequently I should hnvo her all to
myself; this was (so I said to myself)
whnt I had been longing for. Was I
In lovo? That question hnd not oc
curred to me. I felt supremely hap
py, and thought tho sltuntlon delight
ful. I was ready, to do anything for
this fair creature. Sho had only to
command; I was all eagerness to
obey. I soon had an opportunity of
showing my devotion.
"The following- morning I ennio out
on deck very early, and was surprised
to find my Uttlo lady already there,
Sho looked very mlsernblo aud very
pretty. The morning salutation over,
I asked her how sho had slept.
" 'I haven't slept at all,' sho snld, In
a fretful, childish way, which
WIND.
Over the springing wheat-fields pass, . i
And over the small home gardens fare,
Evermore bringing to grain nnd grass
And the flowers thy breath of blessing
rare.
Give tip the cup of thy wino to tnstc,
O.wind of the South, so strong and fleet!
Sever n drop of its joy to waste,
In the dnys of the springtime coy nnd
sweet.
Margaret E. Sangslcr, in tho Woman's
ifomc Companion.
IN LOVE.
thought charming. 'Such a noise nil
night,' she continued, 'I could not get
to sleep; and tho smells arc simply
dreadful. I must hnve another room.
I'd sit up hero all night rather thnn
sleep In thnt horrible place ngnlu.
Don't you think, Mr. Remington, If
you nsk tho captain or somebody, ho
would give me another state-room?'
nnd her big eyes looked Inquiringly
Into mine.
"Certainly,' I said. 'I will go nt
onco to sec about It, and if there Is
no other, you shall change with me.
Take my room which Is n good one,
nnd ns I don't mind either noise or
smells, your room will suit nio well
enough 1' "
Here Hugh lenned over his chair to
knock tho nshes off his cigar, nnd
snld to his friend:
"I must have hnd it pretty bad oh,
Williams? to have said that, for you
know that I can't endure- either n
bad odor or noise. But I forgot every
thing under the Influence of those
eyes, and when she exclaimed, 'Oh,
no! I couldn't do thnt,' I felt that my
fate was sealed, and thnt I would take
the noise and smells.
'The next thing I discovered was
that my lady had no sen-chair. There
was only one left, and that had been
spoken for; but I paid double the
amount nnd the chair was mine.
' 'You nro so kind, Mr. Remington,'
she said. 'I don't know what I should
have done without you. I nm not flt
to travel alone,' sho added In childish
tones.
"I longed to press her to my heart
and tell of my love; and thnt If sho
would but let me, It would be tho Joy
of my life to care for her.. I looked
all this; I am sure I did. But there
were too ninny people about for mo
to speak. Sho snt with her hands
folded In her lap and looked divinely
unconscious.
"The third day out tho weather be
came bitterly cold.
" 'I am nlmost frozen,' said Mrs
-. 'What shall I do? I have noth
ing to wrap round me, and shall have
to stay below; nnd, oh, denr! It, Is so
uncomfortablo there.' Tho face turned
up to me was thnt of a spoiled child.
"Now I had a line rug, which I hnd
used nt night, for you know thnt
everything nt sea is so horribly damp.
It had been u great comfort to me, and
I knew that I should miss It. But what
of that? I couldn't see the womnn I
loved suffer. So I tucked her up with
It. Her delicious smile repaid mo for
tho sacrifice.
" 'Oh, how nice!' sho said, as sho
put her hands under tho wnrm rug,
'It seems to me, Mr. Remington, that
you have everything to make ono
comfortable. I never heard of such
n man. I am so glad that I came un
der your care!'
"Every day I had It upon my lips
to tell her of ray love. Each dny cour
ago forsook me. We walked the-deck
day by day. Sho would put her Uttlo
soft hand on my nrni In the most
conlldlng wny, look up from under her
curls, laugh her low, sweet laugh, nnd
nsk the most childish, Innocent ques
tlons.
'"Isn't it delightful,' sho snld one
day, 'to think thnt wo shall soon nr
rive? I can hnrdly wait for the time
to come; and yet,' hero her voice
dropped Into that dearly-loved soft
tone 'tho voyage has been a most
charming ono, owing to your kind
uess,' sho ndded brightly.
"I longed to launch forth my tale
of love, but thinking It more prudent
to wait until I had secured her wholly
to myself, I asked her In the most or
dinary ninuner If sho wouldn't enjoy
looking nt some Uttlo trinkets that I
had picked up In Paris. Her eyes
sparkled.
'"Yes, Indeed,' sho said. 'Nothln
could bo more delightful than to get
a glimpse of Paris while at sea.'
"I went below nnd got nil my pretty
novelties and brought them up to
. . . '
ner. iincuig a cuair in n quiet corner,
nnd well hid from tho other people,
then drawing up mine beside her, I
began showing, one by one, my col
lection of odd things.
" 'Where did you get them Mr. Rem
Ington? I hunted nil over Paris and
found nothing half so pretty. What
exqulslto portc-bonheurB!' and sho
slipped one after another of my care
fully chosen bracelets on her plump
wrist, and turned them first on ono
side nnd then ou tho other.
"I knew Nell's taste, and had
searched for something uncommon
nnd was well pleased with what I
had bought. But Noll and everything
wero forgotten with this bewitching
creature by my side, nnd when sho
made u move to take them off, I said
laughing, of course:
"Oh. don't disturb them; they lool;
so well whero they nro, and It Is so
pleasant, you know, to get a glimpse
of Paris whllo nt sen.'
"Sho kept them on, nnd I opened
the other boxes. Thero were rings
crosses, ornaments of curious designs
The widow was In high glee. A child
could nbt have enjoyed It more. I
wntched her with loving eyes, told her
where each ono cnine from, nnd helped
fasten them on.
"'I feel like an Indian princess,'
sho snld, 'and ought to have n crown
nnd n crowd of kneeling courtiers,
nnd then tho picture would be com
plete.'
"'Can you Imagine n throne' I said,
and tnke me for kneeling courtiers.
Wouldn't my lovo compensate for the
admiring crowd?'
"Sho looked up quickly, nnd was
about to answer, when one of those
eternal old bores that, no matter
where you cross, nro nlwnys to bo
found on shipboard, came up nnd be
gnn telling his early reminiscences;
whnt the sen was twenty years ngo
as though the sen has ever changed
nnd how, when he had first crossed,
his friends never expected to see him
again. He had made his will, nnd
they parted ns though ho were to be
for ever lost to them. I nssuro you
thnt I silently wished In my heart
that ho had never turned up ngnln.
Without saying n word, I got up, took
my boxes, nnd left my Indian prin
cess, i was tnorougiuy angry wmi
the old fellow for having Interrupted
our tcte-n-tcte, nnd seriously annoyed
with Mrs. for listening to nnd an-
swetiug him. I mndc up my mind
that the game hnd been played long
enough. I would nsk her the simple
question the first chance I got, uud
know my fate nt once. But the chnnce
did not come as soon ns I expected It
would.
"She went to her room with n sick
headache, so she said, aud I paced the
deck nlone. We were n long wny up
the harbor when she made her ap
pearance tho following day. She said
that sho had hurried with her pack
ing, thinking that we were nenrer
than we really were to the journey's
end.
'"Oh, Mr. Remington, I hnd no op
portunity of returning your Jewels,
and so I packed them with my things.
But you nro coming, ypu know, to
dine with mo on Saturday, and I will
then give them to you.'
"I hnd fully mado up my mind that,
as I had been bnlllcd so often I would
now wait until I had seen her In her
own home beforo I nsked her my fate.
She already knew my henrt. Thero
was no time to talk; all was excite
ment; wo were rapidly appronchlng;
hnndkerchlcfs were waving from tho
docks. The widow was straining her
eyes, nnd suddenly leaving mo nnd
going forward,! saw her throw a kiss.
How I longed to catch ltl I looked
with Jealous eyes to see who would
take It up and answer It. Foremost
among the crowd was n big ninn six
feet, nnd brand In proportion. It wns
he who wns returning lier kisses.
Could It be her brother, or wns it n
friend, and this merely a pleasant
greeting! I could have knocked him
down.
"On drawing nenr to them, I snw
thnt neither of them noticed me. She
hnd forgotten my existence. With n
heart-sick feeling I turned nway. Was
this to bo tho end? Why had I come?
I could hear them talking, though too
mlsernblo to listen. They camo near
er, nnd tho same soft voice thnt I had
loved 60 dearly said:
" 'Mr. Remington, I hnvo been talk
ing nbout you, telling how good rnd
kind you hnvo been, nud how utterly
forlorn I should hnvo been had you
not always looked out for my com
fort. I hnvo como to thnnk you, nnd
my husband wants to thnnk you, too.'
"Her husbnnd! Great goodness! Aud
I thought she wns n widow, nnd hnd
made lovo to her! I listened ns though
In ri drenm, and a very pleasant one
It wns, too. I believe ho thauked
me, nnd she praised, and ho thanked
ngnln, nnd they urged nio to come and
see them, nnd she said, 'Don't forget
Saturday.'
"Whether I said anything, or wheth
er I remained mute, Is moro than I
can tell. I was like a man asleep, and
had to give myself it good shnko to
como out of tho nlghtmnro I wns In
When I looked round, sho they were
both gone."
Hero Hugh stopped its though ho
hnd llnlshcd, but his friend Wllllnms,
whose curiosity was aroused, asked:
"Did you dine with her Saturday?'
"No, I sent a regret."
"Have you ever seen her since?"
"No, never."
"Whnt became of your uouvcautcs
de Paris?"
"Nell went without them."
"You don't menu to sny thnt sho
never sent them to you?"
"I never gave her my address, nud
sho wns not supposed to know whero
I wns."
Wllllnms didn't like to nsk any more
questlous, nud Hugh remained quiet
for n time. Then nrousing himself
nnd getting out of his chair, he said:
"I have never loved since, nnd"-
with n bitter lnugli "I ulwayB nvold
women In deep mourning. And now,
ns the flro has gone out. with mystory,
i tinnu wo had better go to. bed.
Wnverley Magazine.
Scarcely n flood 1'lciulor.
A well-known lawyer wns culled on
recently by n womnn who was mix
lous to secure his legal advlco and his
interest In her case. Sho explained
with tears tho circumstances and
begged him for advice.
"I hope," she sobbed, "that you will
not refuse my case. I am so eager to
have you for my lawyer, for I believe
you can pull mo through. Some ono
told mo you would not take tho ense.
but tell mo thnt you will."
Tho lawyer was touched.
"Madame," ho replied kindly, "you
havo my sympathy. Certainly I will
tnko your ense, for, you know, every
body who knows mo Is nwaro of ono
thing, and that Is that I am always for
the under dog In tho light."
Ho meant well and kindly, but wo
must admit that his language wns not
felicitous. Louisville JKy.) Times.
One of the chief elements of Interest
In tho modern Interview lies In specu
lation ns to how the man quoted will
proceed to tnko It back.
That New York womnn who hnd her
husband's remnlns put Into n steel case
and burled seven feet under ground
evidently hnd some reason for not
wnutlng to ever meet hint ngnln.
The State flower of Louisiana Is tho
magnolia, of Missouri the golden rod,
nnd of Iowa the wild rose. Tho Ar
kansas Legislature has decided upon
the npple blossom ns tho Stnto flower.
While Andrew Carnegie Is not exer
cising the least sacrifice In giving out
of his nbundanco the largo sums which
ho Is bestowing upon different public
objects nnd enterprises, he Is nt least
showing forth to tho world n vnluablo
nud nccessnry example In the way of
giving.
An eccentric Italian destroyed Turk
ish securities to tho value of 5200,000
In order to prevent nny survivor from
enjoying his money. This relieves the
Turkish Government of a considerable
Interest-bearing obligation, nnd makes
the Sultan's case another proof thnt n
man does uot have to be good In order
to be lucky.
It has taken twenty-seven years to
make tho geodetic survey of the arc
of the thirty-ninth parallel of latitude
across the continent. The results have
just been published. The survey will
serve ns a true base line for the verifi
cation of nil previous surveys of the
United Stntes, and for this purposo
only It Is considered worth all the time
nnd cost expended upon It.
John Bull nt last begins to recog
nize tho necessity of Industrial edu
cation, and recedes n little from his
old-time position that everything Brit
ish wns In the nature of things supe
rior nud Incapable of Improvement.
Lord Rosebcry'a recent Mansion House
fcpeech not only recognizes tho need of
careful technical training for nil
classes, but nlso of systemntlzed com
petition in the markets of tho world,
If the country Is to maintain Us atnnd-
lug In tlicm and keep alive nud alight
the lamp of Its shining commercial tra
ditions, comments the New York Tri
bune, .w
A gentleman, who doubtless believed
that by being rich nnd successful In
business he had attained tho highest
success in life, recently expressed his
disapproval of college men on tho
ground that they wero always In
"drcnniluud." Now, thero Is no grcnt
dlfllculty In determining whnt this gen-
tlcmnn mennt by "drenmlnud." To
one who does not prlzo culture, It Is
tho lnud of dreams, tho realm of tho
Immaterial, the doman of the unprnc
tlcnl. Literature and art nro dreams
that have como out of this laud nud
recorded themselves In forms of Im
perishable benuty. These products of
tho dreaming Imagination do not com
mend themselves to one who discerns
tho road to wealth nnd power only In
tho nvenuo of business, observes tho
New York Times.
After loug delay tho British Govern
meat has begun tho construction of
submarine torpedo boats, with gaso
lino engines, electric motors, a bow
torpedo tube, nnd live eleven-foot tor
pedocs ns lethal projectiles. Tho ac
tlvlty of tho French Naval Olllco In
putting new submarine boats lu com
mission has llnally enforced upon the
British Admiralty a lesson of prepara
tlon which It has been very reluctant
to learn. Germany, on tho contrary,
will havo nono of the uew-fnnglcd
boats, tho naval authorities In thnt
country being Inclined to agree with
Admiral Von Tlrpltz that It would be
Impossible to make use of the vessels
lu actual naval operations. Tho Gcr-
inan Government, moreover, In not
harassed by the fear of a maritime in
vnslon thnt keeps naval experts In
Franco awake o' nights.
A fervid Chlcagonn writes from Hot
Springs, Ark., to tho Chicago Tribune
to pour out wrath against one hu
mlliatlng hnblf to which so many Chi
cagoans yield of writing "Chicago
HI.," on letters or hotel registers. Ills
"loyal cheeks burn with shame at tho
sight." And well they mny. Chicago
Is or ought to bo ns well known ns tho
world. It Is for tho traveler from Chi
cago, Ky or Chicago, Ohio, or Oh!
eugo, Tex., to append tho nnmo of hi
State. But, ns the enraged pstrlot
nt
Hot Springs writes, "whero and what
is Chicago that It needs Identification?
Has It not emerged from tho Kankn
keo class?" And ho calls upon Chi
cagoans to "arise and trumpet to tho
skies thnt henceforth ho who write
'111.' on a hotel register shall dlo
thousand deaths nnd ho execrated
memory even by tho ghost of Mr
O'Lenry's cow." -"
hUdre'rii
Ton Little Clams.
Ten little clams standing in n line;
a uttic gin picked one up, men mere
were nine.
Nine little clams stayed out too late;
A big wavo swallowed otic, then thero
were eight.
Eight little clams looking up to heaven;
Didn't sco a big loot, then mere were
seven.
Seven little clams cutting up tricks;
Mr. Jobstcr joined the game, then there
were six.
Six little clams glad to he alive;
One split his sides a-laughing, then there
wero live.
Five little clams a-wnlking on the shorn;
fisherman lool: one lor ball, then mere
were tour.
Four little clams looking out to sea;
hungry sen gull gobbled one, men mere
were three.
Three little clams paddling a canoe;
Unc tumbled overboard, then there were
but two.
Two little clams a-slccpinc in the sun;
Unu sneaked and left the oilier; then
there was but one.
One little clam, sitting on a stone;
He gave a sigh nnd wiped his eye:" 'Tis
V it
-New York Herald.
Henry Clny n n Hoy,
Henry Clny wns ono of tho seven
children of a widow too poor to send
him to nny but n common country
school, where ho was drilled only In
the "three H's." But ho used every
spare moment to study without n
teacher, nud In nftcr yenrs he was a
king among self-made men. The boy
who had learned to spenk In a bnrn,
with only a cow nnd n horse for an
audience, became one of the greatest
of American orators nnd statesmen.
Tim l'nrotjuot nnd tlm Cats.
Three strange, rural cats were re
cently brought to n shoo store In the
city of Utlcn, N. Y where was also
a paroquet quite glib of speech. The
strange cats soon made themselves nt
home, but eyed the gorgeous-hued
pnroquot In a very feline maimer. No
doubt they agitated the question con
cerning the flue taste and delicacy or
the little fellow who climbed all over
his cage. Mr. Paroquet's cago was
closely watched, however, agalu.st any
possible chanco of escnpe.
After the cats had been In tho store
for a week, one of tho clerks upon
coming In of a Sunday morning was
surprised to llud the cago open, and
the bird goue. Expecting to Hnd somo
poor, pretty-colored feathers nnd three
very satlslled cats, he began to iook
nbout tho store. Away in the back
part wiib a chair, In front of It wero
tho three cats, nnd perched upon ;i
round of tho chnlr close to tho floor
was Mr. Paroquet, bowing this way
and that, and saying "Good-morning,
howdedo, hello," to tho nnlinni-j in
low tones. Whether tho paroquet
talked against time to keep the ents In
terested or whether tho cats wero
dazed to hear a bird talk, I cannot
sny; but Polly saved his feathers that
time, nnd doubtless will be able to do
It again If placed. In tho same predion
ment. II. S. Keller, In Good House
keeping. ; It
Itpgiiliitrd by 11 Stnr.
If nny boy desires to bo Independent
of tho wntchmnker, and regulate his
own watch by n stnudard even better
than the sun, here Is tho way he may
do It, provided there bo n south win
dow, out of which ho can look at
night, and from which he can sco
some tnll object, say, tho side of a
house or a chimney.
To tho sldo of the window attach a
piece of cardboard, In which there Is
a small hole, tho bonrd being so placed
that, by looking through tho hole,
you can see one of the fixed stars, so
called; that Is to say, a real star, and
uot one of tho planets, as It disappears
behind the house or chimney, toward
the west.
Wntch tho star closely as It ap
proaches tho object, and tho Instant
It dlsappenrs note the tlmu by your
watch. Now tho motion of the earth
among the stars ou Us wny nround tho
sun Is perfectly uniform, nnd that
star will disappear tho second night
exactly three minutes aud fifty-nix
seconds sootier than It did the first
night. If, therefore, your wntch
marked 0 n. m. when the star dlsap
peared ou tho first night,' It should
mark three minutes nnd fifty-six sec
ouds of nine on tho second night. If
It mark nearer to nine than this It is
running fast; If further from nine It
is running slow.
This Is tho only absolutely accurate
tlmu stnudard, and If care be taken to
observe the star In exactly the same
wny every night a watch may easily
bo regulated by It. If cloudy nights
Intervene you have only to multiply
three minutes and fifty-six seconds
by tho number of nights slucu the first
observation, and dei'ttct tho product
from the time then shown. For exam
ple, If nine o'clock he tho time nt
which tho ftar disappeared tho first
night, and iho next three nights are
clody, then on the fourth night tin
time for tho star to disappear would
ho four times three minutes aud llfty
six seconds of nine.
Thu Ilest Advice,
The mnn who advises people
not to give advlco gives the very best
advice. Philadelphia Record.
If every man cnpablo of bearing
nrms wero put Into tho field Britain's
army would bo 0,900,000, njjalnst 11,
000,000 Frenchmen, or 12,500,000 Gor
trians,
utility.
The butterfly so bright and frco
Illumes the landscape but
'Twixt you and mo
I'd rather see
The honest turkey stmt.
We long to greet the busy bee,
But when at morn I'm fed,
'Twixt you nnd me
I'd rather see '
His honey on, my bread.
So ye who love embellishment
Pray write it in your book:
"Men care by far
More what you nre
Than how you net or look."
Washington Star,
HUMOR OF THE OAY.
The Girl "Are you contemplating
marriage?" The Bachelor "Yes; at .
safe distance." Syracuse Herald,
"Why have humorists never organ
ized Into clubs?" "Because the law
doesn't require nny mnn to Incriminate
himself." Chicago Record.
Mrs. Rubblo-"Oh, Mr. Cndlelgh told
me he thinks I sing bcautlfullyl" MIhh
nlgg "Isn't he too sarcastic for nny-
thIng?"-OhIo State Journal.
lln was hired as niano soloist, '
For that wns his vocation;
Hut ho found himself onlv accompanist
For society's conversation.
The Smart Set.
Blll-"Whnt would you call n short
acquaintance?" .TIIl-"Vhy, GUI: I
tried to burrow n quarter from him,
nnd ho didn't havo It." Yonkcrn
Statesman.
"Say, mamma, how much nnr I
worth?" "You nro worth n. million of
dollars to me, my son." "Say, momma,
couldn't you advance me twenty-live
cents?" Time.
Sappy "I think I shnll nw nevali
hnve to stwuggle for gweatness. Aw,
I was born grent, doncherknow?"
Crusty "By .Tovel How you must
havo shrunk r'-Tit-nits.
"Thnt waiter Is either n dunce or n
humorist, I'm not sttro which."
"Whnt'H the mntter?" "I nsked hint
for soiuu extract of beef nnd ho brought
me milk." Philadelphia Press.
"Is he n young mnn of brains?" In
quired nu old gentleman respecting a
swell youth. "Well, renlly," said his
daughter, "I don't know. I never met
him anywhere except In society."
A woman is a paradox '
That certainly seems queer,
She screams at mice, and yet will faco
A dentist without frar.
j-l'hiladelpliia Record.
"Wo should try to keep our ilnlly
record pure and white. It Is hard.
but " "Oh, no; that's easy. I
haven't written a word lu my dlnry
since January 1!." Philadelphia Bulle
tin.
Blobbs "The girl young BJones In
engaged to Is quite Intellectunl, Isn't
she?" Slobbs "Yes; they say sho
never writes him a love letter without
having It copyrighted." Philadelphia
Record.
"Now that yon havo found the north
pole," queries tho faithful comrade,
"what will you do with It?" "Do with
It?" echoes the distinguished explorer,
his face aflame with tho Joy of discov
ery, "i snail syndicate it." uniengo
Tribune.
"Marry me," urged the noblomnn,
"nnd I'll pledge my honor to mnko you
happy." The proud benuty tossed her
head scornfully. "Haven't you any
thing else to put In soak?" she queried,
for sho had an eye to tho financial end
of tho transaction. Philadelphia Rec
ord. . i
Undo Hum's Wlilto Wings.
The public roads olllco Is a featuro
of our Government work which em
ploys scores of scientific experts In
their particular line, and which must
continue to prove of greater and great
er vnluo to tho country. Wo are Just
entering upon n grent road Improve
ment era, lu which wo may excel nil
other countries and rust epochs. Tho
Government has recognized tho Im
portance of this movement, and It has
put trained road builders and oxpertH
lu tho field to co-opernto with locnl
bodies Interested In tho work. Tho
science of road building Is the sclenco
of the mechanical engineer, nnd only
those who have mado a study of tho
questions nt Issue can produce tho ,
highest results. Tho collecting of data
concerning road building In other coun
tries Is only a part of tho business of
this great olllce. Collier's Weekly.
Observations.
A woman's mouth and eyes spenk
dlircrcnt languages, ns close scrutiny
will prove.
Although every womnn cannot poso
ns ono of the graces, they can refuse
to become disgraces.
When men sit listening silently whllo
a womnn talks It behooves tho speaker
to weigh her words.
Attitudes nnd platitudes form tho
stock lu trade of women who lack per
sonality. Small talk may not Indicate wisdom,
but big talk docs folly.
A witty woman stimulates; a talka
tive one enervates.
In death there Is no bitterness; It Is
life that Is so often flavored with aloes.
A clever woman can fool a dozen
men, while as many men canuot fool
her. Philadelphia Record.
Age, If Living, Altltlglitt
Tho census taking reminds one of a
story which occurred ten years ago.
On the printed forms were tho words:
Age of father (If living), ago of moth
er (If living). One of tho papers was
returned with tho startling Informa
tion that the father was 120 years old
aud the mother 11'.'. The authorities
hastened to see this ancient pair, and
were much surprhed to hear that they
had died loug ngo.
"Then what do you menu by this?"
said an angry olllclal, pointing to tho
ages.
"Why, that's right enough. It snyn
'Age If living,' nnd that would havo
been their ages If living now." Tit-Bit.
r
'T