The Semi-Weekly Tribune.
IKA I" IIAItl!, l'roprlrlor.
" TKIlMfl: 11.25 IN ADVANCE.
OUll BUDGET OF FUN.
SOME GOOD JOKE5, ORIGINAL
AND SELECTED.
NORTH PLATTE
NEBRASKA.
The kissing bug has a soft snap on
a sure thing,
No man can enjoy health as long as
lie has the toothache.
It Is a great misfortune not to bo
able to bear misfortunes.
A small boy's Idea of greatness Is
to play baseball In a uniform,
Don't judge a man by tho fit of his
coat; It may bo a borrowed one.
"When a mnn Is out of a job he can
keep himself busy looking for work.
Children nro llko clocks; too mucti
regulating In apt to make them go
wrong.
Paradoxical though It may seem,
some officeholders are very much out
of place.
A girl Is all right until sho gots
womanish and a woman Is all right un
til flho gets girlish,
It is simply Impossible for a minis
ter with n boll on the back of his neck
to preach an enthusiastic sermon.
A man Is nlways busy attending to
IiIb own nffalrs when there Is an un
paid plcco of work to bo performed.
It will rcqulro ho mo time for the
judges, lawyers, nnd jurors of eastern
Kentucky to pick tho lead out of tholr
nnatomy.
Nothing Ib easier than ridicule; nnd
In nlno cases out of ten where ridicule
Is used, It Is resorted to only becnuac
It In tho only weapon available. Tho
man of Intelligence will uso his renson
lu argument with his opponent; tho
man of knowlcdgo will uso his knowl
edge; but tho man who has neither
knowledge nor Intelligence mimt ro
Bort to ridicule. It Is a poorly fur
nished armory which supplies no bet
ter weapon.
Tho Illinois Supremo Court haa do
clarcd that tho legislature can not pass
Tulca for admission to tho bar. Wo
nro In a porlnwi itnto If that Is true.
Tho goncYnl rcqulslto In this stnto of
a "good moral character" has resulted
In rating our bar vory low, and of
making lawyers out of peoplo that
ought to bo ditch diggers. But now In
Illinois, according to Its Supreme
Court, tho peoplo In tholr legislative
capacity can not ralso tho standard.
Mountain Vlow, Ok., n now tormlnal
town on tho Chlcashn extension of tho
Rock Island, that wns organized In n
day roeontJy, broho another record In
town cntorprlso. Thoro had existed a
rival town two miles west nnd It wna
doomed ndvlsablo to conBolldato thom.
After n wcok's diplomacy tho protocol
waa signed nnd tho towns nro now
one Tho consideration was raised by
tho citizens of Mountain View nnd
amountod In total to 134,380, nnd now
"Oakdulc," tho rival town.ts on wheels
and strung out on tho road to Moun
tain Vlow. This la probably tho llrot
caeo of buying n wholo town outright
that tho annals of tho wost record.
Tho Iloaton Journal quotes Uio pro
diction uttered by Gen. Horace Blnncy
Surgent In his oration on Memorial
day, 18G9: "Comrades, though few of
us may ltvo to seo It, I fool suro thnt
tho last survivors of tho Grand Army
or tho Republic will colcbrato trjV Mb
vlvcrsary nftor somo ftnyal Vsry,
when tho sons of rebels nnd ptif sons
chnll havo fallen sldo by sldo In hoiiio
common cnuso of foreign war, as our
nlrcs and their sires fell sldo by side
under tho oyo of tho great rebel, . . .
tho Virginian, Washington." This
prophecy has been literally fulfilled.
Tho predicted "foreign war" has ro
emblazoned America's natlonnl char
nctcr, restored tho unity of her people,
nnd as Editor Wnttorson phrases It
"flung her geography Into tho sea."
Patriotism, llko ninny other virtues,
Is easily countcrfnited. Gruff old Or.
Johnson called It "tho last rcfugo of
a scoundrel." It has ono thing In com
mon with charity, "It covers a multi
tude of hIiik." It often expends ItBolt
In mcro bawling. Our holiday ora
tory brings out no end of Inspired and
Inspiring utterances, but nllownuco
ought to bo miulu for considerable
loakago of gns, Indiscriminate praise
of everything Amorlcan Is a cheap way
of drawing npplauxo, but tho truest
friends of tho country aro they who
rnako us worthier to bo freo, who
help to savo mankind,
Till public wrong bo crumpled Into
(lUBt,
And drill tho raw world for tho march
of mind,
Till crowds at length be snno and
crowns bo just.
Tho grievance of 1 P. Hlchnrds or
I.uulsvtllo, Ky., against tho Ouatemula
government is that ns soon as tho gov
ernment found out thorn was gold on
tho land ho was working It took tho
land nway from htm and forced him to
Icnvo tho country. In other words,
Guatemala acted toward Mr. RlchanW,
n.i Great Hrltnln is acting toward tho
Transvaal. Sho let tho Transvaal
pretty well nlouo as long us It looked
llko u barren cnttlo range, but on the
discovery of gold sho resolved te
spread civilization there. Mr. Rlchanh
lr.c'Ws how a Boer feels.
Greatest and Oldest
Light
Now that tho removal of the Great
Wall of China Is contemplated, upon
tho recommendation of LI Hung
Chang, It Ib a curious reflection that
tho suggestion of tho economic uses to
which It may be put precnted Itself to
the mind of tho distinguished Chinese
statesman through his knowledge of
tho leveo system of the MlFslsslppI,
snys Philadelphia Times. It Is to dyke
tho rebellious "Ynng-tsc-Klnng that this
great wall, which has endured for a
century moro than 2,000 years, Is to
bo pulled down.
The Great Wall of China, known ns
the eighth wonder of the world, was
completed 211 B. C. Several millions
of men, It Is said, wero employed for
ten years In Its construction, and half
a million of these aro said to have per
ished while tho work was In progress.
Each stono had to bo brought by hand
hundreds of miles nnd a Chinaman
could carry no moro than one block
nt a time. Theso figures, like tho Chl
neso nnmo of tho wall Itself, nro prob
ably exaggerations Wan !l Ch'ang
Chlug, which in English means "ten
thousand mllo rampart."
Tho reat Wall of China, llko other
wonders of tho world, never served tho
purposo for which It was Intended. It
was built by the first universal emperor
of Chlnu, Shl-Hwang-TI, to prevent
tho barbarians on his northern and
northwestern frontier from making In
cursions Into his dominions. ( Llko
Woyler's lesa stupendous and equally
useless trochas In tho island of Cuba,
it always failed to keep tho barbarians
out when they chose to scalo tho great
rampart and Invado Uio Celestial Em
pire. For many centuries It has served no
purposo whatever, not oven nominally,
unless It was to embellish tho school
geographies of tho western bnrbarlans.
Few travelers wero ever permitted to
visit it nnd thcro nro no authentic do-
IN MANILA WHEN flllHOS FIRED II!
It Is evidently an English officer who
lends from Manila to tho Ilrltlsh Navy
and Army Illustrated a graphic ac
count of tho attempt of tho Filipinos
to burn that city. Ho says In ono part
of his Btory: "At 2 a. ni bugles on
tho Insurgent sldo soundod 'Fnll
back!' and tho Filipinos retreated as
tho fires, burning furiously to tho wot
nnd south, drew closer nrond tho city.
It was hopeless to attempt to put thorn
out. Hut as tho natives, rolylng on tho
Bet of tho wind, had started operations
from their own quarter, It wna decided
to lot them have tho full boneflt of
tholr bonfire. A long barrier wns mndo
nnd soaked through and through with
water, and buildings that looked likely
to carry the flames wero rnzed to tho
ground or burnt as they stood. Thus
n non-lnflanimablo zone waa created,
and across this bolt tho Humes could
Wonder of the World to Vanish in the
of Higher Civilization.
scrlptlons of It in its present condition.
Indeed Its very existence has been de
nied. A dozen years ago a paragraph
was printed In nearly nil the newspa
pers of Europe and America declaring
that It was a myth. While this was
not true, It is not so Interesting to
know that the great wall is as that
It Is to case to be.
According to the usually accepted ac
counts tho Great Chlneso Wnll Is l,
255 miles long, but na It follows tho
undulations of hill and valo "scaling
the precipices nnd topping tho crnggy
hills of tho country," ns Lord Jocclyn
described It sixty years ago Its ac
tual length reaches 1,600 miles. It is
not all Boltd masonry, ns has often
been supposed. It Is formed of two
Btrong retaining brick walls, tho In
tervening space filled with earth and
ILLUSTRATION SHOWING THE V ALL AROUND NORTH OF CHINESE
EMPIRE.
stones. Tho breadth at tho baso Is
about 2G feet deep nnd at tho top 15
foot. Six horsomcn can rldo abreast
upon Its summit. In height It varies
from 15 to 3D feet. At a distance of
about ono hundred yards apart there
aro towers, many of them 40 feet high.
Tho surfaco of the wall for tho great
er part of Its length wns a covering of
brick. As tho six horsemen never rode
nbreast along this rampart to any ex
tent the top of the wall beenmo ovor
grown with grass and It Is probably In
this condition at tho present tlmo.
It Is not easy to estimate tho num
ber of bricks In such a wall even np-
bo kopt at bay. Any bits of stone wall
or other non-combtistlblo structures
wero used as n foundation for tho bar
rier, nnd tho trees or woodwork wero
removed or burned.
"Then tho Americans ndvnnccd on
Tondo nnd completed tho Filipinos'
handiwork. Wherever a section of
tho nntlvo quarter was not burning
they started a flro. Occasionally nn
orgnnlzod band of Filipino riflemen
bnrrod tho way, and there woro several
lights hot tights from nil points of
view.
"At Inst tho wholo body of thorn
broko mid fled ns fast as their legs
could carry them In tho direction of
Mnopajo village, where they had In
trenched tho bridge and tho further
sldo of tho river. Others made for
the fortified village of Guadaloupo. Tho
great flro which was to have burned
proximately. If the wall was regular
ly built through Its entire length and
the dimensions of tho two retaining
walls and tho brick covering wero
known this would bo comparatively
easy. Put as a matter of fact it Is
much more strongly built in some
parts than In others. Parts of it in
deed may be solid masonry. Its east
ern parts arc more grandly built than
those west of tho Ho river. In somo
parts of the country, where stone was
more easily procured than bricks, tho
sustaining walls wero built of hewn
stone. Whether brick or stone theso
walls were moro thoroughly ond ex
pensively built than nny great em
bankment or tunnel produced by mod
ern engineering, and have endured
longer thnn wnllB built during tho
present tlmo will last.
An npproprlato estlftinto of tho ma
sonry In tho Great Wall of China from
such data ns Is obtainable a wall that
would extend from Philadelphia to
Omaha If it could bo lifted from Its
place and transferred to the western
hemisphere would make It measure
the extraordinary total of 3,012,000,000
cubic feet.
Theso figures lndlcato an Immensity
so great that tho mind is unablo to
grasp tho full meaning of tho Idea It
conveys. Assuming that tho brlck3
aro of tho ordinary slzo of modern
bricks this would mako a grand total
of C4.45G.000.000 bricks In this ono
us out of Manila began and ended in
Tondo. Tho population of Tondo In
normal times was from C0.000 to 80,
000. Tho population now Is nil. Tondo
was razed to tho ground, nnd tho only
Filipinos who remained In It wero
dead. As for Guadaloupo, It wns occu
pied by 4,000 of Agulnaldo's troops,
plus tho fugitives from Tondo. Gen.
King marched up a week later with tho
Utah volunteer artillery, nnd tho Cali
fornia, North Dakota, and Oregon vol
unteer Infantry, nnd, planting his men
on threo sides of tho village, blew the
plnco to pieces. Tho field guns used
on this occasion were for tho most part
not American, but Spanish, of the Nor
donfeldt make. They wero taken
from tho city walls of Manila, and aro
not of the very latest pattern, Tho
Yankeo artillerymen, however, mako
the best of them they can,"
stupendous work. Tho Immensity In
dicated by thees figures Is equally be
yond the grasp of the human mind.
Tho only way to obtain nny adequate
idea of tho Immensity of tho wall la
to compare It to some familiar build
ing of great size. The Public
Dulldlng, In Pcnn Squnro, as a fit ex
ample for comparison. That great
structure as It stands contains 1,125,744
cubic feet of masonry. The masonry
of tho Chinese wall would make a
structure thirty times as long and thir
ty times as high.
The accompanying illustration shows
what a speck tho present structure la
In comparison with tho space that
would be occupied by a building In
creased thirty times Its length and
height.
It Is equally dlfllcult to conceive tho
number of laborers that would bo re
quired to construct such a work In ton
years. Judging from tho history of our
Public Dulldlng Commission during
the last quarter of a century the work
would still be Incomplete If It had
been Intrusted to a similar commission
by Shl-Hwang-TI, 211 D. C, regardless
of tho number of men uvallable for Its
construction.
The Chinese wall Is ono of the eight
wonders of tho world, with which tho
world will willingly pnrt. Useless as
It haB always been, It Is gratifying to
know that the material it contains is
to be turned to some practical use at
last. If tho Chinese rivers that so
often prove destructive to everything
near them, can bo confined within their
banks by tho contemplated building of
a new Chinese wall, it may bo said that
Shl-Hwang-TI after all builded better
than ho knew.
Tho undertaking of A. D. 1899 is cer
tainly greater in lmportanco and not
Inferior In immensity to that of 211
JJ. C,
It would prove tho revivification of
China if tho Chlneso Government and
peoplo can remove within twice ten
years tho great landmark of Isolation
thnt has stood for tho long period of
twenty-ono centuries, nnd uso It to
curb tho rivers that so often work
death and devastation In the northern
part of Chlnn. And It Is especially
gratifying that this mighty stride to
ward n stronger civilization Is wholly
of Chinese initiative.
GREAT RUSSIAN POET.
A hundred years ago Russia gave
birth to ono who was destined to be
come tho brightest star In her sparso
ly studded galaxy of poetic genius.
Pushkin and Mlcklcwlcz share tho
honor of being tho two representative
poets of the Slavonic race, and tho
only poets of their country who havo
attained world-wide, celebrity. In tho
productions of this strange genius,
rushkin, Russian poetry first becamo
an Independent power. His writings
wero nt onco tho typo nnd expression
of his country's nationality, nnd they
havo become part of the household lan
guago of his natlvo land. Ho Is un
deniably tho national poet of Russia.
Pushkin's birth and pnrentnge nro
more thnn usually Interesting nnd sig
nificant. Tho founder of tho family
was n Gorman warrior, who migrated
Into Russia and obtained grcnt renown
In tho nrt of war. Ono of tho moro cel
ebrated of tho poet's ancestors was Ga
briel Pushkin, who espoused tho cause
of Demetrius the Pretender, that un
fortunato Impostor who so nearly be
camo emperor of nil tho Rusaina. This
ancestor plays nn Important part In tho
poet's historical tragedy, "Boris God
unoff." Rut on his mother's side Push
kin's descent Is still more peculiar.
Ills mother wns tho granddaughter of
an African who wns brought to Russia
by Peter tho Great, who gave htm tho
namo of Hannibal, nnd placed him In
tho navy, whoro ho roso to tho rank of
ndmlrnl. Thus tho poet blended In him
self tho cold temperament of tho Teu
ton with tho fiery, untnmed spirit of
tho children of tho desert. To this an
cestor he dedicated more than ono of
his smnllcr works, and he makes fre
quent nnd proud allusion to hi3 Afri
can descent.
His education wns erratic, many
teachers having him In charge. A
young Scotchwoman taught him Eng
lish literature, and a Russian woman
trained him In tho llteraturo of his
own country. Pushkin wns a poor
scholnr, though ho read widely. Ho
was Irascible, gloomy and Imperious
His poetry wns tho first over rend by
the peasantry, and ho was worshiped
throughout Europo by the lower
classes as well as being a favorite
with tho nobility. Ho died at 3S. belnu
killed In a duel. ' b
A Vnrlctjr of Jokes, (lilies nnd Ironies,
OrlcliKil nncl Selected Mntsnm nnct
Jetsam from tlio Tide of Humor
Witty Sayings.
One Dnjr of Sunshine.
One day of sunshine. All tho birds ar&
singing
Ltfo to the joy of It delighted clings..
Tho doves their way o'er meadows
green aro winging,
With frost upon their wings.
Yet, lest deceitful spring afar Bhould:
flutter,
We shall not glvo her ono wild word,
of praise.
No song of ndoratlon ehall we utter
No rosy altars raise.
Too long with our nfTectlons did sho
trlflo, Playing hido and seek with shadow
and with sun.
Enter her gardens while you may, and.
riflo
Her roso ways nnd have donol
Atlanta Constitution.
An Article of I.iixu-)'.
She I'll grant that your lncomo
would bo enough for us to marry, IV
only you didn't havo such expenslvo
fads.
He I? Expestvo fads? What ex
penslvo fad havo I?
Sho Me, for one. Lustlgo Blaetter.
lie Couldn't Help It.
"I am astonished to hear you say
that Fralcman told you all theso
things; I gavo them to him In strict
confidence."
"Yes, but ho says you told them to
him during your lato voyage to Eu
rope." "So I did. But what's that got to do
with it?"
"Everything. You can't expect a
man to keep anything to himself on
his first ocean voyage, can you?"
Richmond Dispatch.
ItoVOIIRC.
It was apparent that uo barber was
highly pleased.
"What has happened?" ho was
asked.
"I had tho pneumonia last winter,"
ho answered. '
"Yos?"
Vell, tho doctor who doctored ma
got out of my chair just before you
camo In. If his wifo recognizes him
when ho gets homo It'll bo by his
voice." Chicago Times-Herald
Necessary to Warn Her.
"When you got your groceries to
day," said tho butcher to his wife,
"don't go to that little grocer noxt
door to my Bhop."
"Why not?' sho demanded.
"Because ho sent in yesterday and
borrowed nn old pair of my scales.
Chicago Evening post.
Such (Irlcfl
(Overheard In Commercinl road.)
'Arrlet Would ycr ha' bin sorry, Jim,
if I ah kicked tho bucket when I wos
took bad last month?
Jim Sorry! Why, Lord luv yer, IM
60oner 'avo 'ad mo grog stopped foi
a week! London Fun.
Ilcllof nt ImhU
Sea Captain Thero Is no hope! Tho
ship Is doomed! In nn hour wo will
nil bo dead!
Scnslck Passenger Thank heaven!
New York Weekly.
Bootblack-Say, dero, Dick, lend mo
yer box to prop up tho forrld deck of
uru, won't yer?
Very ood, In Vuet.
Gush Take him all around, bo's a
retty good fellow.
Rush Yes, I have discovered that
after taking him all nround last night
ho was good enough to borm ts r
mo Just beforo wo parted. Cleveland
An Aotiiul Noccslty.
ueauor.