The Semi-Weekly Tribune.
I It A I.. IIAHK, I'roprlrlor.
TKHMSl $1.25 IN ADVANCE.
NORTH PLAITH
NEBRASKA.
He la tho best poet who construct
tho finest castlo In tho nlr.
Ohio may bo obtained from pigs' foot
and sugar from hogs-head.
It's always tho man with tho short
end of It who advocates equality.
J.
Trust fighting will bo harmless as
long as It la made a political club.
Tho avcrAgo man spends a lot of timo
searching for what ho hopes ho won't
And.
A llttlo authority or a few dried ap
ples will puff a small man up astonish
ingly. If marrlngo makes ono of two it
must bo a continuation of slnglo bless
edness. Tho catch-ns-catch-can playwrights
will now turn their uttontlon to Mr.
Jim Jeffries.
Proof readers have an abomination
of long sentences. Not so great, how
ever, as tho criminal.
Lovo may bo blind, but It dictate .1
lot of fool Icttcni that sooner or later
got tho wrllors Into trouble ra"
A Boor war would give Alfred Aus
tin a rhance to change his paco and
break into oomo uniquo dialect vorfHJ.
There ore a fow self-sacrificing men
in politics, but thoy don't oven Ruccccd
in getting their names in tho nowu
paporu. It begins to look ns It tho pcaco con
ference at Tho Ilnguo will bo an elabo
rate performance of "Much Ado About
Nothing."
Widow Jack declines to marry her
husband's brother. Perhaps sho ex
pec Lb to do n llttlo better than Jacks
tho next hand.
If tho march of Improvement keeps
up Its lick they'll soon bo changing
tho namo of a sister southern city to
Auto-Mobllo, Aln.
A physician has supplied a West
Virginia mnn with a sot of calves'
brains. This sort of thing may have
tho effect of bolstering up tho Popu
list causo in spots.
Tho clty'of Now York tried tho ex
periment of vacation schools last Hum
mer with Hiich gratifying results that
much larger provisions have been
tnado for tho present season. Thirty
o? tho great school buildings with their
recreation grounds will bo open for
eight weeks, from 8 n. m. till C p. m.,
for tho accommodation of a succession
of classes, so that tho aggregato at
tendance of children may roach a hun
dred thousand. No text-books will bo
used; tho exercises will bo chiefly In
dustrial or manual; and tboro will bo
plenty of play. A law permitting va
cation schools has boon adopted In Illi
nois. "Jubllaclon" Is tho convenient
euphuism for n Spanish custom which
lias had a protracted existence In Cuba,
It signifies tho receipt of a salary for
ncrvlcos which should bo porformed,
but nro not tho recipient hiring a Biib
etltuto to do tho work for which ho
himself Is pnld. A professor of tho
Havana University, whoso salary was
hIx thousand dollars n year, has been
living In Spain for tho past seventeen
years, whllo his dutlco In Culm wore
performed by another for pitifully
email pay. It Is said that nearly all
tho professors of Havana University
thus "farm out" their chairs. A 10
ccnt docrco of tho United States au
thorities, however, has abolished this
dishonest practice, nnd henceforth sal
aries will bo paid only to thoso who
earn them.
About forty years ago a rich and
handsome young woman, moved hy n
spirit of bravado, nnsworcd a "per
sonal" advertisement in a city newspa
per, and cnterod Into n correspond
ence with a clover adventurer. Sho
was soon duped Into marrying him and
mortgaging her proorty. Securing
tho money, tho man desortcd hts wlfo
nnd obtained a divorce Tho woman,
broken-hearted and enfoeblod In mind,
lived for years on tho charity of
friends, and was recently takon to a
Connecticut poorhouso to end her days.
Happily, Innocent Indiscretion does not
invariably tormlnato In such a tnigody.
A girl escapes, perhaps, with only a
flush upon hor check and a scar upon
her soul. Sho has learned by bitter
vxpcrlenco, howovor, that no truo gon
tlcman seeks n woman's frlondshlp
through an advertisement, nnd that to
enter into such nn arrangement la to
invito moral disaster.
Thoy have had a fist fight In tho
nelglnn chamber of deputies and fed
eral members were badly hurt. Tho
Ilolglnn deputies should learn a les
ion from their brethren In Franco. Let
them eett'.o tholr disputes by fighting
duels nnd thus avoid tho dunger of be
ing Injured.
Notwithstanding tho assertion of
Parson Jeffries, tho Iord did not look
after tho flnauctul part of tho Coney
Island fight. Dob walked on with tho
Lis end cf tho gate receipts.
INTERESTING WAR PICTURES FROM SAMOT
C. Marrast Perkins, captain In the
marine corps, was the only surviving
American offlcer with the exception of
Dr. Lung, after tho fight on the Ger
man plantation near Apia. Ho was
tho ranking officer of the Anglo-American
forces at tho
fight after the
death of Lansdalo
and Freeman, nnd
brought tho troops
off the field. Cnpt,
Perkins Is forbid
den by the regula
tions from tolling,
without special
perralBslun of tho
war department,
tho story of tho
light. Ho has, how
ever, written nn
account of tho cor
onation of King
Malletoa which
will bo found of in
terest. Tho photo
graphs which ac
company tho story
wero forwarded
from Samoa and
have never beforo
been published.
These pictures
give a clear lden of
tho region whero
tho desperate fight
took placo
Ono especially
Interesting plcturo
Is tho feravovard
where the Brit
ish and American
dead llo nldo by side,
of Malletoa Tanu
THE
Tho plcturo
In uniform
shows tho young king in n new guise.
Tho only whlto man present at tho
crowning of tho rebel King Mataafa
gives this account of tho ceremony:
"Tho foreign officlnls and others
wero Invited to come, but wero In
formed that tho ceremony would tnko
ouniv-cMjfcnT iuu.cn reopiey
HAt DtfL AMP HUlf CHIlor
ANOTHER INTERESTING PICTURE.
placo whether thoy camo or not.
"Wo drove to Mullnuu und -passed
tho houses full of people preparing for
tho ceremony. They glistened la tho
sun from fresh coats of perfumed co
coanut oil, tholr bronzo skins shining
Uko a copper kottlo; their freshly oiled
hair covered with tho pollen of purplo
and golden flowers, with wreaths of
ferns nnd flaming hibiscus stuck over
each ear; necklaces
of floworB and an
cient ivory and
anklets of slashed
bannna leaves jlnva
lavas of tapa and
lino mats, or scar
let leaves varnish
ed with tho all-per-vudlng
oil; topping
nil tho tnupo and
luanaia (y o u 11 1;
chiefs) wearing tho
towering t u 1 g a h
(headdresses) of
bleached hair and
senrlut feathers.
"When wo arriv
ed Mataafa und hit)
chiefs wore In hla
llowor - bedecked
house; but as it
soon became crowd
cd with sightseers,
Matuafa sat on
somo mats placed
in front of tho
houso, surrounded
by a bodyguard of
thirty trusted 111 on.
Ono man, armed
with a Leo-Motford
carbine, stood Im
mediately behind
ready to shoot at
auy alarm. Tho
Mataafa warriors
paraded past, each
district striving to
outdo tho others in
display drums beating and war songs
on every side.
"Tho ceremony was opened by i
venerable pastor of tho London Mis
sion society with prnyer, followed with
LEFT IN MARCH OF PROGRESS.
Tim Unlet mill Kcrluilcil Utile Villus
In F.itRliuul.
Thero nro few quletor, morq secluded
villages In England than Moons, east
and west, lying among tho Hampshire
downs. Old Winchester hill, presiding
over tho scone, seems to tell of somo
old British city thereabouts, tho fore
runner of tho more famous city of tho
plains, says Household Words. And
tho Romans wero busy about tho hills
with camps and summer settlements
ono by a Roman Catholic teacher.
The High Chief Sautele came over and
told the latter to cut It short. He did.
A chair decked with a piano cover
served as a throne. Tho five men who
were to give the names stood in line
V : . - - v"UVA ,
v 'V .' '
KINO AND THE VICE KINO AFTER THE CORONATION.
in front of Mataafa (Lemana, Toelupo
and three others). After nddreBsIng
Mataafa for some time, ono advanced
and anointed him from a Email bottle
of cocoanut oil. Then tho five ad
vanced, and laying their hands upon
his head, gave him tho names Tul
Atua, Tul Aann, Tamasoalll, Natatoalll
feel hurt. I know I wouldv -2ayb,kc
nnd Malletoa. Mataafa wns king. Ho
aroso and spake, guaranteeing., good
government nnd religious liberty to nil.
His words often wero drowned by tho
marching throng of shouting men.
After ft saluto with ball cartridges ho
received tho congratulations of thoso
In tho houso.
"Now tho king's knva was mado.
Tho Taupo of Laulll presided over tho
N N&LO;AMf(liCAM BlifTIC ?MOOD IN DEATH
. Te CBMeiCMV IN MuUNA .
TAHtUpTMf WMtMI.JBVCtH
.WXOfCHtl Tt OUT Ye DtCD
VCMtND V9g lOHl TO EXIkt '
'To JsRvt rovt CArrivo Ntep,
CMAWCtPATt THE JAVA&r
bt w bin 6LOoo"rt Shed, .
Co.' mai tmcm with vouh livihC
ANp MAK TfltN WITH TOU DC AD t
hugo tanoa (knva bowl) and Mootauo
pcrformetl the corcmony. With n cup
of knva ho advanced to tho man kneel
ing beforo Mataafa, and holding tho
king's knva cup aloft, spilled a drop
lang syne. But nothing much has hap
pened thero since. Sturdy Cobbott
passed that way In his "Rural Rides"
and marveled at tho hugo church of
East Moon In Its mighty solitude. Unlit
to Ivold thousands, nnd now, In Cob
bett's time, a few shepherds and graz
iers, sparsely scattered, form tho wholo
population of tho parish. And still
tho process of depopulation goes on,
as census tables tell. But tho Meona
nro to have a railway at last, and wo
rend that tho Moon Valley railway,
from Alton to Faroham, a dlstanco of
or two Into It; then with great dignity
leturned It to the tanoa, repeating
this each time, pouring a largor
amount Into tho cup, which when full
was presented, kneeling, to tho king.
"Tnen came the festivities. Six
young men of Falefa, wearing tulgas,
executed a skillful knife dance, whirl
ing their head knives like a negro
minstrel drum major. They wero fol
lowed by three Samoan slvas, led by
noted taupo3 selected for beauty and
grace; also a Taflta stick danco by the
men of Mataafa's own town, Amalle.
"The dancing and
marching of
shouting, drum
ming armed men
continued until
darkness; then tho
3,500 men retired
to their huts to
feast and sleep."
.r,
When thu Krnions
CllllllRC.
The Emperor of
China has somo
strango duties. Ono
of these is the ord
ering of the sea
sons. It is summer
in America whon
tho sun warms tho
earth, and not till
then, but In China
it Is summer when
tho Emperor says
it is summer. A3
soon as tho emper
or declares that
summer has come,
THE
everybody In
China puts off winter clotfilng, and
arrays himself in summer garb,
no matter what his feelings, say
on tho subject. All domestic arrange
ments nro mado to suit tho season, as
proclaimed by tho emperor, although
they may not suit tho individual at all.
Tho nearest approach to tho Chinese
A VERY INTERESTING PICTURE.
custom of ordering tho Bcnsons is tho
prnctlco observed in France in all pub
lic buildings. Thero it is winter on
and after October 1st Fires aro then
lighted In nil government offices, and
tho servants exchnngo tholr whlto sum
mor walstcoast for tho thicker and
darker ones of winter. At that dato
tho public libraries aro closed at 4, and
In tho streets tho sellers ot roasted
chestnuts mako their appcaranco. In
about twenty-six miles, will run
through country hitherto qulto un
touched by any railway, and will af
ford a rapid and direct means of com
munication between Aldershot and tho
southern ports nnd defenses of Ports
mouth, Southampton nnd Gosport.
An Awful Moment.
"Caroline!"
In tho darkness of night tho now
man clutched the counterpane wildly.
"Caroline," ho gasped, "thero's a
woman in tho house."
offlclal Franco it is winter, no matter
what the weather may say, and no
matter what unofficial Franco may
think.
HIS IMAGE.
tiho Toro from Ifrr Heart, Hut It I.t
11 8 cur.
Kansas City Independent: "It's all a
mistake to think that us girls at tho
quick lunch counter don't have our
romances same's folks in tho higher
walks of life, for while we may look
frozen faced It ain't nothln but n bluff
an down In our hearts wo arc every
bit as sugceptlblo to tho tender pas
sion as any of tho high born dnmcs.
Yes, you're right; I, too, have known
what lovo was, and felt It tell mo
that thero were other things In life
than 'Urown the wheats!' and 'Draw
one!' but as Miss Llbb has eo beauti
fully said In 'Fnlr, but False' 'tho cup
was not for my lips.' He camo In one
day nnd ordered a pan roast at 25
cents a throw. Now; only tho real
things cat pan roasts, and I took no
tice of him right away. He came In
rcg'lnr cv'ry noon, nnd I kinder got to
watchln for him. After he'd been
comln' for some time we struck up con
versation, an' he asked mo how I
liked 'Lost In London,' nnd I told him
I didn't like sensational plays, nn' that
real dramas like 'East Lynnc' was
more my stylo, nnd ho said I was a
girl of consld'ablo mind. I knew he
loved me, for once I only put four oys
ters In his pan roast Bted of six an' he
never even noticed It. As for me, I
own up to savin' the fattest oysters
for him nn' takln' special pains with
tho roast. Things went' on that 'way
for two months I was In a dream
then camo the cruel nwnkcnln. Ueczlo
O'Brien camo here to take direction of
tho pies quite a promotion for Beczle,
for she'd been workln' down at Jones',
an awful cheap Joint. That's Beczli
. t ' ,
1 V .A
YOUNO KINO MALIETOA
TANU MAEITI.
over thero with the red hair and frec
kles, but don't mention freckles, "causo
she's mortal sensitive. Well, mo an'
Beezle waschlnnln' when In walked mo
Pan roast friend. The minute he set
eyes on Beezlo ho turned pa!e as death
an' shot out of tho door. Ah, I can
bco his faco yet despair and agony was
wrote on It. Then tho truth came
out. Beezle gave It away that ho was
a steady customer at Jones' mnrn n'
an evenln', whero ho took nothln' but
an' '7i V Y'"Kcra at vo cents a throw
nM.i. . "u ron8t lenl wasn't
nn win mitt " chucke(1 to try
m. . " mc n?Uon8. Yes. I've torn
;,r."i.or but tho
iy'' U,f ",,shty har1 to And
11 it.u gent nowadays."
CoiikI.,.,1 ,t,, ,,.
ferer from al , I t 0 ZV a S"r"
Physlclans have cl v ftht ,unB aml
".oijejess cons"mp!;;o tSl
Ijnd had number of hemorrnaS To
lay he had another attack am?' St
something dls.odge fron tho spot in
pain. The foreign substance was torn
nsanfou,(;s!,e,,,u"- ".3o:
t was found to bo a tooth that had
been lodged In tho lung for nearly 20
-0 years ago ho had a number of teeth
SnT e1 Tl that CTS waa "OnHnls
ered to relievo tho pain and that tho
tooth must have passed down hla
throat whllo ho was unconsc?oUs.-S
Louis Globe-Democrat,
Sick lVoplo Am Hentlllvf.
Sick people don't likn k
at. They are morula y TJ'T V
look surprised at the rtlCSScnS
has wrought Is annoying and !
that It is ,.IsS20a
makes Inva da imn.i.. .t . K ana
bo worse than It is.
,l : , "6'uu ineir caso to
Therefore, don't
tar. at a sick person, and don't stand
t, rn h. 'aCk f U,e bed t0 ke Wm
turn his eyes round to see you i
ways sit by tho bedside, for tho patient
feels more at rest than If you stand
P tall beforo him. And donT whlanor-
don't talk in n low voice; don't foTlow
tho doctor or a caller out Into tho next
"T; THVnVn"d Wl" 1,0 absolutely
certain that you nro discussing him
Don't wear garments that rustle or aro
mado of rough clothing, to come Into
contact with hands mado tender by
sickness, nnd don't wear creaking
boots or thlck-soled boots.
;0UE BUDGET OF FUN. A
6OME GOOD JOKES ORIGINAL
AND SELECTED.
A Variety of Jokc, Gibes anil Ironic
Original nnil Selected Flotftnm anil
JeUam from the Tlilo ot llUDior
IVltty BojlDgf.
Uontlo Slllilrcd.
Tair Mildred has n tender heart;
It makes her sad to see
Bad boys capy tho birdie's nest
And tear It from tho tree;
Yet, whllo sho sorrows for tho bird
The solemn truth is that
Sho nlwayB has a wing or two
Affixed unto hor hat.
Fair Mildred has a tender heart;
Sho says the butcher who
Would slay a little calfle must
Bo cruel through nnd through;
Yet whllo sho chides tho butcher and
Abhors his cruel steel,
Sweet Mildred, tender past comparo,
Is very fond of veal.
Chicago Nows.
IIli l'hlloiopliy.
Not, gwlno tor mcetln' dlsmornln',
Brer Hendorson?"
"Cynrn do It, parson. Got tcr hoo
over somo corn, Jlst plnnted."
"But cyarn't do corn wait?"
"Not bo well ns de Lord can."
One Who Escaped.
"Your father, I think, was a literary
man," rcmarkod the passenger sitting
on tho end of tho car seat "I know
him pretty well, being somewhat In
the same lino of work myself."
"Possibly, sir," stiffly replied tho
passenger who was occupying two
seats. "Literature with him, however,
was merely an avocation and not a vo
cation. Ho didn't hnvo to follow It,
as some people do. When ho got tlrod
of It ho laid down tho pen."
"Laid down the pen, did ho?" ro
Jolncd tho other. "I notice ho scem3
to havo let ono ot tho hogs out."-
Chicago Tribune.
Apropos of Summer.
Husband My dear, I want to ask
ono favor beforo you go off on that
long visit.
Wife A thousand, my lovo. What
Is it?
"Don't try to put tho houso in ordor
beforo you leave."
"It isn't hard work."
"Perhaps not, but think of tho ex
pense of telegraphing to. you every
tlmo I want to and anything." Pear
Bon's Weekly.
One of Thoae Question.
They had been talking about tho in
surance on tho church, when tho llttlo
ono suddenly broke Into tho conversa
tion. "Tho church la God's house, isn't
it?" sho asked.
"Yes, dear," replied tho mother.
"And does ho got tho Insuranco If it
burns down?" was tho next question.
Chicago Post.
Hail tit Htlok to tlio Figure.
"Why nro Brown's gas bill3 so much
lighter than his neighbor bills?"
asked tho manager of tho company.
"Does ho burn bo much less gas?"
"No," replied tho motor Inspector,
"but tho auspicious scoundrel always
goes to tho meter with mo and Jots
down tho figures himself." Chicago
Post.
A Certainty.
"Well, old fellow, are you going to
tho organ recital in tho saloon to
night?" "No, thank you; I am having all tha
organ recitals I neod."
Source of tho Trouble.
"Why must you and your wlfo Bopa
rote, Pat? Can't tho troublo bo patched
up?"
"No, sir. That's Joost It, Sho won't
patch up mo panta." Phlladolphlr
North American.
no Should,
"Bobbler's wedding was tho culmina
tion of a romance. Ho mot hu mifn
on a train."
"Ho did? Why doesn't hn aim fVi
company?" Indianapolis Journal, u
JL.