THK AI.L1AKC rurn.M.P, TUESDAY, JUNK 27,
TIIREQ
i RANDOM SHOTS 1
One of the college wits remarks:
"'When woman was maile out of
man's rib, someone pulled a bone.'
A philanthropic Omaha ex-soldier
is said to be strong for helping the
working girls home one at a time.
Trouble is, probably, that he never
ti.kea them anywhere else.
Do Vou remember wbnn n mnn rnuA
take a girl out for an evening's enter-
lainment, ana come back with a dime
out of the half dollar, even if his vil
lage had street cars? Two seats at
the nicklelodeon, 10 cents; two ice
cream sodas, 20 cents; carfare, a dime.
Total, 40 cents.
Ex-Kaiser Wilhelm is said to be con
sidering taking a mate for his de
fining years. The poor fish couldn't
even role an empire.
THE CUR "COMES BACK
As for a reason for the uncalled for
and unkind aspersions of the editor
.about the cub reporter and his tennis,
the cub can give only one explanation
jealousy.
When a man has reached the age
-where he can no longer take part in1
.actho sports and must re.-ort to golf I
nd rook, be naturally allows his bit
terness to overcome him at times, and I
u .. n
jtuis ui tiic laic tiiut anuitn utiiria
to enjoy themselves while he must
play, or rather engage in golf.
But the cub reporter will forgive
him, he realizes that the lot of a
golfer would sour the sunniest disposi
tion. When the editor sees his younger
brother, and the cub reporter, both
constitutionally able to take part in
more violent sports than checkers, go
blithely off to the tennis court, while
he the editor, wearily plods the links,
it is no wonder that the cup of sad
jness overflows.
Although he has not as yet devel
oped high blood pressure, he is failing
fast, in fact he has lost sixty pounds
in the last three months.
He greatly envies his brother the
turesque hat he wears.
1
And handed the Judge a half-pint bot
tle. One drink of the stuff and the old
Judge laughed,
"A rougher swig 1 have ncer quaf
fed. When it comes to sunshine and mak
ing hay,
Your 'coin' and moonshine is better,
1 d say."
Main! thought, "I'd give ten bucks to
ride
In that swell sedan by the Judge's
side."
And the Judge said, "Gosh, were I
young and dapper
I could step right out with that sweet
young flapper."
But the Judge, remarking, "It's rather
hot,"
And helping himself to a parting shot,
Pulled out and away up the mountain
trail
At a speed for which he could be sent
to jail.
While our heroine Maud, in her old
tin can,
Brought up the rear like an "also
ran."
But the Judge jumped the road where
it turned off sharp.
And he floated away to play on a
harp.
And Maud said, "Speaking of words
that cheer,
The sweetest are these: 'I'm glad I'm
here.' '
Leo Lloyd has now caught up with
his lesson "in poetry. He will, tor the
npvt lesson, read the above carefully
nnd ninverfullv. and then do his best
to write a parody on the first canto of
"Paradise Lost." If that doesn't cure
him of wiitimr roetiv. his case is
hopeless.
And now are mere children to crowd
out spitz pups? A strong woman
estimated to be 26 yrs. old, 6 ft. 94 in.
high, and 141 In. ( avoirdupois j weigiu,
snnminvl I net Kntnrdnv in a neighbor
ing town, on "Main Street," dressed in
pantaloons, leading Dy a Dram sirap a
moio xViiii mhn Innkpil to be about the
niaiv v iinvi " -- -
aire of four years. No one ventured
to seek an interview, so it is unknown
u'LiotVior th smnll bov was acauired in
a cash transaction or otherwise.
n nonfginnna? Thpv were well
down at the ankles, but the sweater,
jacket, vest, or whatever it was, was
well down at the tnroac.
The small boy's costume? Never
thought to notice.
work. Ti e train, which consisted of
some very fine nnd up-to-date New
York Central equipment, left Alliance
at . p. in. Sunday afternoon. Con
ductor Campbell had charge of the
train on the Alliance division to Ka-venn.i.
Harrv Link of the general superin
tendent's office left Saturday n glit for
Los Angeles, where he will spend n
two weeks' vacation.
(Political Advertisement.)
Fred V. Jolianscn
Accepts Filing
for State Senator
Fred W. Johansen of Hay Springs,
democratic candidate for the nomi
nation for state senator, has issued the
following statement:.
In accepting the filing for State
Senator, made for me on the demo
cratic ticket by loyal friends, I wish to
express my sincere thanks, and shall
strive to do mv best so as not to em
barrass you by misplaced confidence it
elected. I he campaign too will mostly
be in vour hands for I am greatly
opposed to Newlierryism.
Ihis will be a campaign oi princi-
t) es progressives airainst react 1011-
uries regardless of mere party lines,
consequently I am for needed reform-
immediate and drastic cuts in punnc
expenditures and taxes, including ab
olition of the dual system of the code
and elective departments of state
government; the cutting out or an
waste and extiavagance in public
money, so that taxes will at once be
reduced to the absolute necessities of
a state trovernment honestly and ec
onomically administered.
Prices for farm products must not
be permitted to go below the cost of
production, plus a reasonable profit.
Wages must not be permitted to go
below the cost of living at American
standards with a margin for old age.
It is no more than right that those
who saved the world lor democracy
should receive n bonus, that in the
main to be paid by the hundreds of
millionaires created by profiteering
during the war when our boys were
rnb hiat olSnsiduncO. ta ta ta ta tatat
ri.-king their young lives for human
ity's sake.
I shall help the people defeat the
four obnoxious bills passed by the last
reactionary legislature and referred to
the people by referendum.
Very Sincerely Yours,
CO-Glp FRED W. JOHANSEN.
People who wonder who will win in
the coal strike won't wonder any long
er when they price coal next fall.
Chicago Journal.
DAYS OF DIZZINESS
COME TO lU'NDItF.DS OF ALL!
ANCH PEOPLE.
There are days of dizziness;
Spells of headache, languor, back
ache;
Sometimes rheumatic pains;
Ofter urinary disorders.
Doan's Kidney Pills are especiallj
for kidney ills.
Endorsed In Alliance by grateful
friends and neighbors. Ask youi
neighbor! ,
Mrs. L. E. Jnliff, f.0! W 3rd St.. Al
liance, says: "I found Iioan's Kidney
Pills a mst excellent remedy and am
always glad to speak a good word fop
them. 1 had attacks of backache ant
pains in my side when doing my hou-
work thnt made me feel miserable
J'imes when 1 Ktooped I had attack
of dizzy spells and specks cam, netor
my eyes, almost blinding me. When I
got one of the.-e attacks a box of
Loan's Kidney Pills from Brennaa'a.
cured me and left me feeling fine"
IVice 00c, at all dealers. Dont
simply ask for a kidney remedy gnfc
Poan's Kidney Pills the name that
Mrs. Joliff had. Foster-Milburn Co..
Mfrs., Buffalo, N. Y. 25
Prominent clubwomen wants divorce
becaue she doesn't know wher her
husband is. He may Iks at home.-
San Francisco News.
What's the Matter With Our
Front Door?
It looks weather-worn, and the varnish is all gone. Oh, I know,
it needs a new coat of
VALSPAR VARNISH
IT'S W E AT 1 1 K K-PKOO F, MOISTURE-PROOF and HEAT-PROOF. 4
SCOTTEN & HERSHMAN
ALLIANCE DRUG CO.
Phone 122
214 Dox Butte
5ui he sighs and betakes himself
to thelinks, where he spends a quiet
afternoon.
The batle of the country the clash
of giants-v-all fade into insignificance
vhen compered wit hthe coming event.
' t
The office! devil and the ad-setter
arc to engage in a tennis battle.
Best two sets out of three
side bet of two bits.
-with a
For the championship of the back
room, with the lino op barred.
The date, referee, and other ar
rangements for this epoch making
match will be announced later.
maudeTiuller
(Brought Up to Date by the Douglas
County Legionnaire)
Maude Muller, on a summer's day,
Mounted her flivver and sped away.
She stepped on the gas with much
disgust,
.And raised a htWuva lot -cf du?t. v
Up the steep incline she started to go;
About ten feet up she went into low.
She stopped when she got to the top
of the kill,
And powdered her nose, and lit a pill.
Just then the Judge, in a high powered
boat,
Spoke to fair Maud, with a parching
throat; , i j
And Maud, quite hep, took her hand
from the throttle,
11
AILROAD NOTES
A
Miss Frances Gadient, third opera
tor at W hitman has charged her name
and now signs it Mir. William Ab
bott, so the people say. W rule return
ing from a ten days' fishing trip in
Wyoming last week they were married
in' Alliance Thursday at the court
house by Judge Tash. The groom is
of the Abbott Bros.' garage firm at
Whitman and is well and favorably
known and their many friends in rail
road and well as other circles wish
them success in their new venture.
Mrs. Abbott hasn't as yet announced
her plans but it is understood that she
wi'l continue to work her position at
Whitman for a while at least.
Mi-a C. W. flrnh.im. wife of the
agent at Hemingford, and daughter,
Vera, returned from a several months'
visit in California recently. Mrs.
r.raham VinH fnrmpvlv worked as oner-
nfrn-.-it HoTninn-ftt-H nrtft it. is under-
ctnrwl thnt kVip will now irive ud her
position there as the second operators
position there is open ior dius io Alli
ance division operators ana agenis.
A cnorinl train of New York Shrin-
ers returning from the San Francisco
convention was royally entertained by
Slirinora Sundav afternoon
for a few hours. Superintendent
Fred Gurlev took the lead in this
jVMf!Z Tlmo R -!' T
JLMf i A W x H
TyniCH is the big mileage
tire of today? All over the
country men are talking right
now of the remarkable wearing
quality of Fisk Tires, The rea
sons are obvious. Look over
any Fisk tire and judge for your
self. You are bound to find
extra size, strength and resili
ency and with these, good looks
and a tread that gives real
protection.
There's a Fisk Tire of extra value in every size,
for car, truck or speed wagon
A few Cans left!
You can still take advantage of the
SOME grocers still have a small supply of the large
12 oz. cans of Dr. Price's at the special price of two
cans for 30 cents.
If you have not taken advantage of this big money-saving
opportunity do so at once.
The cans bear this special sales sticker ym the label:
SPECIAL ADVERTISING SALE
One 12 oz. can at regular price . . 25 cents
One 12 oz. can at special price . . 05 cents
Two 12 oz. cans for 30 cents
Perfect Satisfaction Guaranteed or Money Refunded
Remember this baking powder is new stock just from
the Price Baking Powder Factory, and every ounce is
guaranteed to give perfect satisfaction or money refunded.
See your grocer at once!
Go to your own grocer first and if he is unable to;cupply
you try some, other grocer at; once. V f: -:-
Don't miss this wonderful ojpporiunity two . ,
cans of this famous baking powder Vvhile tne Jiitii ted supply
lasts. Positively no more cans of Dr Price's" will be shipped
into this state for sale at this special advertising price.
9
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