TUG ALLIANCE HERALD. TUESDAY, MAY 00, 1922.
HIRED
I. RANDOM SHOTS
At some time or other, the editorial
wniter of the Omaha Bee must have
spent Sunday in Alliance. Here's
what he says : "A wild tiger is much
less interesting than a bund tixer 10
.Alliance."
Shame to spoil a joke, but the few
vho claim knowledge of the blood
thirsty circus animal's jaunt seem to
think it was a lion instead of tiger.
YOU TELL 'EM RUFE
The ever interesting editorial col
umn of the Minature Free Press con
tains the following, under the headline
"'The Genuine and the Spurious":
"There are a few examples of cheap
vaudeville more interesting than to
watch the effort of some individual
to pose as a 'highbrow' when not in
tended by the Good Lord to be includ
ed in that classification.
" 'Highbrows,' like orators, are bom,
not made. They fit naturally and
snugly into their positions with quiet
unobtrusiveness. The spectacle of one
born and bred as a member of the
common herd attempting to patronize
others placed irrevocably by Nature
in a niche above them is not aggravat
ing, but only mildly amusing.
"A genuine specimen of the hoi pol
loi is an odd sort of a cross between
a clown and a damned fool."
Someone has got to quit highbrow
ing our Rufus.
We don't want to appear critical,
but the last sentence of the indictment
makes us fear that Rufus is attempt
ing the highbrow stunt himself, or else
which is practically unthinkable
that he has his wires crossed and has
used the wrong phrase. "Hoi polloi,"
it may be remarked, is a highbrow ex
pression affected by those who deem
themselves above the common run, and
refers to the latter. Surely Rufus
does not really believe that those of
us in "the common herd" are "an old
sort of a cross between a clown and
a damned fool." Yet that's what he
says.
When we, with our wide knowledge
of the language, make this kind of a
break, we always go right back and
jnve the lino op, hell. If it's anywhere
near pay-day, he takes it quietly.
KNOCKING HOME MERCHANTS
(Antioch News)
It is not the policy of this paper to
take money for advertising one can
lidate and then give free publicity to
another, but they do tell one on Sam
Dewing that is rather amusing. Sam
lives up in the Indian country where
they have not yet learned there is an
eighteenth amendment to the constitu
tion. It being the policy of the anti
Faloon league to make all candidates
declare themselves, sam was not
slighted. Like all candidates imagin
ing themselves in the race, interviews
are marks of distinction. So Sam pro
ceed to tell where he stands and said:
"I am in favor of putting the bottleg
yrer out of business and let the people
buy their booze direct from the manu
facturer." When we started out on this reduc
ing business, we thought that being
thin was all pleasure. Now we are
beginning to discover the rift within
the lute. Thus, on a recent golf hunt,
we accumulate fifteen or twenty mos
quito bites. When we were fat they
didn't bother us much, but on our
emaciated form they loom up like
boils.
However, to offset this, we leam
that we can wear our little brother's
clothes. Now we have just the same
as two suits, provided we steal a march
on him and get down to work before
he finds it out.
TODAY'S BEST STORY.
A prim and proper young miss was
much horrified on the street to find a
small boy, apparently not over six
years old, smoking a cigaret.
"Little boy," she commanded, "throw
down that horrid thing this minute!"
"Go chase yer.-elf, lady," answered
the infant disdainfully. "Hunt yer
own. I found dis one meself."
The devil has apparently fallen out
of love. It has been two weeks since
he appeared in one of those high col
lars, and for over three days he's been
wealing his blue shirt.
Not that we care to crab, but who's
the chaperone out at the lake?
There's only one place where the
diet doesn't help a bit No matter how
much you go without, your feet don't
shrink" by the thickness of a hair.
Only three pounds to go and we
have until January 1, li23 to do it
and a certain box of cigars is ourn.
It was worth it.
THE FABLE OFTHE FACETIOUS
DEADBEAT.
A dead boat, formerly of Bridge
port, but understood to be now a deni
zen of the wilds of Banner county,
whose boast was he never paid his ob
ligations, told on himself how he once
lost out owing to his inability to resist
repeating a bright but somewhat hoary
rejoinder. To make the telling easier,
let's give our '"hero" a name we'll
call him Bylerg.
Hylterg needed oats. Driving away
from home sixteen miles, where he
was less well known, he negotiated a
double wagonboxful about forty bush
els. The grain was shoveled in.
Then to the seller it was explained
by Bytierg that he carried the mail on
a Fovemnient route as he really did.
"My check will come in a week. Of
course it is sure, and I'll pay as soon
sis I get the check." The seller was
tiken somewhat aback, but finally
"guessed" it would be all right. "Let's
rut your team in and feed 'em," said
the seller; "dinner must be about
ready come in and eat." The invita
tion was accepted.
At the table the housewife happened
to drop a remark about the slowness
of some people in paying. "That is
where 1 tell, ' said Uyuerg in relating
his experience. "I answered, 'When I
owe, i dont worry; I let the other
fellftw do the worrying.' "
"Outdoors, as 1 was about to hitch
up, the man I was getting the oats
from said, 'I've been thinking over
that remark of yours of not worrying
about your debts, and I've made up my
mind 1 can't let the oats go unless you
pay before you take them away. And
I'll be dogged, if I didn't have to un
load and go home without the grain.
That is how I lost a load of good oats
because I couldn't let a chance go
by of trying to appear smart."
Wonder if the world will ever again
look as easy as it does to the average
high school graduate this evening.
We can remember the day when the
world was our oyster, and all we had
to do was to use our thumb to open it.
The very next day, we injured our
thumb.
Incidentally, there are a lot of ear
nest young men who have had their
first and only set of calling cards
printed.
When we graduated, we hesitated a
long time over whether we should send
out our last invitation, or preserve it
for an admiring posterity. We pre
served it. Had we sent it out, we
should have run chances of securing a
present. Within three years, we had
tossed it into the wastebasket.
Bankers over the state are claiming
that prosperity is in sight. Wonder
how they knew that we were figuring
on hitting someone for a loan before
cold weather comes.
There's no use talking, there is such
a thing as a financial wizard.
Old Buck is to have offices in Lin
coln. Poor fellow! Now he'll have
to wear sox every day.
Denver murderer, released after
serving eight years of a life sentence,
can never return to Denver. How can
he ever repay his friends?
Thank heaven, the judge allowed the
motion for a new trial in the Zander
Gump breach of promise suit. The
dean of the Alliance bar says the ver
dict was outrageous, and he ought to
know.
Apropos of the new flapper custom
of embroidering the name on the stock
ing, a cynical cuss remarks that it
would be more to the point if the girls
embroidered their street address oi
phone number.
Wet wash calls received before
8:30 will be returned by 2 p. m.
d lbs. lor $1. Alliance Steam
Laundry. 38-tl
PARTLY FURNISHED
For Sale Sacrifice 7-room Californ
ia house partly furnished, lot 40x160.
Price $3000 (including 4 lady board
ers). $100 cash, bal. easy terms.
St., take Garvanzas car, off
York Blvd. Classified ad in the Los
Angles Times.
S the Nebraska Land Co.,
for farm loans. 52-54
No man is stronger than his stom
ach. Tanlac will make your stomach
strong. F. E. Holsten. 53
LAKESIDE.
Miss Esther Quist arrived here from
Wyoming Wednesday to visit at the
R. A. Westover home in east Lakeside.
Cecil and Lawrence Osborn who at
tended business college at York the
past few months, returned home
Thursday.
Mrs. Ralph Shrewsbury returned
home Thursday from the hospital at
Alliance. Her friends are glad to know
she is getting along so well.
J. H. Brewer, representative for the
Champion Shoe Machine company of
St. Louis, was here last week to in
stall a machine for Hans Peterson. He
went from here to Winner, S. D.
R. C. Branson drove in from the
Star ranch Thursday. He was accom
panied by Harry Minnick of the Jen
nines neighborhood.
Mr. ami Mrs. Glenn House moved
into the north part of the Royal cafe
last week. Harry Minnick has rented
,the south part.
Mrs. E. F. Osborn entertained last
Thursday afternoon in honor of her
daughter, Viva's ninth birthday. The
time was spent playing games' at the
close of which refreshments were
served. Those present were Vesta
and Roberta Miller, Viola Hudson,
Grace Berry, Nelda Pollard, Beatrice
Westover, Vivian Simmons, Jessie
Clitchfield and Elhvood Ryland. A
jolly good time was reported.
James Wilson and cousin, Veldn
Dolmy went to Antioch Friday to visit
lelntives.
Mr. and Mrs. I. D. Whaley and son,
M. H. Whaley, attended the commence
ment exercises at Alliance Thursday
evening.
llie school closed here Friday and
The Misses Wilma Mote nnd 'Alice
Schill left on 43 for their homes at
Alliance and Miss Mne Livings left
ior her home ut Davenport, Neb., the
same day on 41.
Leo Berry put up a windmill at his
re-mence here in town last week.
Mrs. Warren Mclntyre visited her
husband at the hospital' in Alliance the
latter part of the week. Mr. Mclntyre
Is reported as getting along nicely.
Mrs. Frank Westover underwent an
operation at the Alliance hospital last
Tuesday. Mr. Westover and little
daughter returned home Saturday.
Heber Horde arrived here from Cen
tral City Saturday.
M. H. Whaley and mother and Mr.
nd Mrs. James McMirtiey drove to
Alliance Sunday afternoon to attend
church services.
Joe Harter left Sunday for his
homestead near Lusk, Wyo. He has
been working for the Lakeside ranch
company here the past few months.
William Pollard went out home with
Charles Orr Saturday morning to
spend the week-end.
Pat Bennett arrived here Sunday
and went out to his uncle's home east
f here. He is a nephew of Barney
Keid.
Wilma Westover visited friends nt
Bingham the latter part of the week.
Dick Hunsaker drove to Alliance
Sunday morning and brought his
mother home. She has been in the
hospital there for the past couple of
weeks. Her friends here are glad to
know she is able to lw back again.
Mr. and Mrs. W. H. Stoop visited
relatives here Sunday afternoon.
I Lon Trester ami son and Harry
! Hudson visited in town Sunday.
A numler from here drove to Ells
worth Sunday afternoon to see the
ball game. Walter House went down
to play in the Whitman team.
FOWLING
Mr. and Mrs. Elbert Acker of Good
' Streak passed through here en route
to Hemingford to visit his sinter.
Mrs. A. J. Elsea and Jean Hall were
callers nt the Blackroot ranch one day
last week. Mildred Kennicut accom
panied them home for a few days' visit
with Jean.
Messrs. Jake Elsea ami Henry Brus
motored to Alliance Wednesday. Mrs.
Elsea visited her mother, Mrs. Bins.
Mr. and Mrs. McCallus of lllinota,
passed through here enroute to Hem
ingford to visit their daughter, Mrs.
Griggs.
Mrs. Ross Wrlghl and son, Ray
mond, of Fort Robinson are iting
her mother, Mrs. Brus and family.
Dr. Neff and Mr. Jones of Heming
ford spent Sunday fishin.r ut the Kil
patrick dam.
Ab Hall helped Jim rat on with
some work the last of the week.
Mr. and Mrs. James Eaton and sen
returned from Wyoming the last of
the week. While there they entertain
ed nt Sunday dinner Mr. and Mrs. Dan
Colerick and daughter and Mr. and
Mrs. Robert Clark and son at the
homestead. They report the roaJj a
being fine.
I Mrs. Elsea and Jean HaM were cell
eis at the Hurlburt horn: fine day last
Week.
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Mitchell aat
son spent Saturday ml Sunday iit-
ing his mother and sister in Scotts
bluiT.
Mrs. Sarah Langfoni iind Mrs. NeU
lij Weaver and two chi'dren accom
pan'ed the mail carrier on the tr p It
Frwling Wednesday. Mrs. Wt-ivcr
will visit at the Hurlburt home a few
clays.
Mrs Wright and son pent Wedne
da., night with her itcv, Mrs. Jak
Elsea and family.
Joe Winten has finished the rlowinic
on the Joe Caha place.
Mr. Hon" was a caller n; the Klsea
home Thursday aftemo;n.
Mrs. Brus entertained ot dinner
Ti uiM'ay her (laughters, Mrs. Wrignt
and Mrs. Elsea and Jeii HaM.
V i. Peterson was a caller at "h
Lair fen home one day last w ek.
Mrs. Elsea received word from hc
nephew, Webb Grisamer, of Arizona,
that he and his wife veto traveling
overland to Missouri and expect to via
it her'a few days on the trip.
Mr. Hotr motored to Allinnce Friday
after repairs for machinery.
Mr. and Mrs. Kilpatrick were In Al
liance one day last week.
ivir. unl Mrs. N. E. Ilariburt motor
ed to Alliance last wee to ma Let
ninety dozen eggs.
Mrs. Brus and son, ITenr'. nnd Vis
Clara and Mrs. Ross Wright Kd oit
motored to Alliance Saturday.
As I am leaving this climate on account of my health, I will sell at public auction,
on the Rochford ranch, 6 miles south of Ellsworth, and 9 miles southeast of Lakeside, on
Wednesday , June 7
AT THE RIALTO
A light society comedy is scheduled
for the Rialto tonight "The Truant
Husband," with Betty Blythe and a
couple of other girls who are not dif
ficult to gaze upon. When Billy Suyre
allowed himself to be persuaded by
Vera Delaunay to deceive his wife in
to thinking he was going flying with
his friend, when he was actually going
to spend the day with the alluring
Vera, he little knew the amount of
hot water he would land in. Every
thing went wrong from start to finish.
In the first place, Vera lost her vanity
case. Now even a girl as beautiful as
Vera does not show to advantage when
her nose is sadly in rieed of powder
and her hair hangs down in limp
wisns. Killv W:is tVinrnncrtiK. .llc-il.
lusioned and thought with longing of
nis devoted little wile who always
looked as nrettv nrwl frosl-i us ranlil lL
And poor Vera! she made things even
worse for herself by not realizing how
badly she looked and trying to flirt
with Billy!
Wednesday the-. Rialto will show
Conway learle in "Lov.es Masquer
ade." Briefly, the story deals with the
misfortunes of a young man who has
allowed himself to slip into the toils
of an emotional woman who imagines
she loves him enough to desert her
husband for him. The husband is mur
dered and a strong suspicion of the
crime is placed upon the other man in
the triangle. The hatred of a "woman
scorned'' is the factor which leads to
sensational developments as the story
progresses.
"Shams of Society," is the Rialto's
Thursday bill, with Barbara Castleton
in a leading role. The story, in struc
ture of plot, is unusual. It deals with
the domestic problems of a young
couple in comfortable circumstances
who could have avoided many of their
troubles had they employed their good
sense at the proper time. Herlert
Porter lavishes money on his beauti
ful young wife, but gives her no
spending money. Lack of funds with
whirh to pav her own bills lead to
difficulties. Her circle of women gam
ble. iShe lo-es. Her debt mounts up
find she fears to tell her husband. She
borrows from a woman and her losses
increase. She even stoops to theft.
Then follows a succession of dramatic
episodes that tumble toward a smash
ing climax and a twist lit the end so
novel as to take the audience complete
ly by surprise.
Commencing After Free Lunch at Noon
THE FOLLOWING DESCRIBED PROPERTY, TO-WIT:
75--HEAD OF CATTLE--75
Consisting of:
25 cowrs and calves
18 milch cows
3 dry cows
5 cows, fresh soon
Balance are yearling: steers, yearling heifers, and
two-year-old steers and two-year-old heifers.
25 Head of Horses 25
These are mixed horses, work and saddle, from geldings up to
eight -year-olds. Some are broke and some not.
FARM MA CHINER Y
2 McCormick mowers
1 McCormick rake
1 Dain hay stacker
2 sweeps
1 1 1-inch breaker '
1 16-inch breaker
1 14-inch John Deere Stir
ring plow
1 separator
5 sets of harness
2 saddles
1 hay rake and wagon
1 fanning mill
lMs h. P. Dempster engine
Household Goods and Miscellaneous
A quantity of household goods too numerous to mention.. 20 bushels of sweet Clover
seed. Six dozen chickens. Three hen turkeys.
TERMS All sums under $50.00 cash; over that amount a credit of 6 months' time will be
given on good security bearing 10 per cent interest. Parties desiring credit will
arrange for same before sale. No property to be removed until settled for.
ARTIN ROCHFORD, Owner
Col. Harry Courscy, Auctioneer, Alliance C. 31. IJarnaby, Lakeside State Dank, Clerk.